Semper Fi
by writersrefinery
Summary: Set during current season of SVU. Olivia has settled in as CO of SVU and being a mother but a chance encounter with her former partner sets her life on a path she always believed would come true. E/O all the way!
1. Running on All Cylinders

Running on all Cylinders

Life for Olivia Benson was beginning to settle back into normalcy. After breaking up with Brian, becoming a foster mother and being rid of that psychopath William Lewis, she finally felt like she had settled into a routine. That routine included juggling being a single mother and being in charge of the Special Victims Unit. She wished she had more time to spend with Noah and sometimes she was self-conscious about what the rest of her team thought about her as a leader but overall life was good. There was still one aspect of her life that still haunted her. Or better yet one person.

She found herself thinking about her ex-partner less over the years. It had been four years since she laid her eyes on Elliott Stabler. She called him several times after he abruptly retired from the force but he didn't answer and eventually she gave up. She was hurt more than she realized by his ability to cut her off so easily with no explanation. She thought about going to his house or even mailing a letter but both of those would cause her to possibly have to come into contact with his wife Kathy and she didn't want to make things uncomfortable. Olivia knew that Kathy tried to be nice to her over the years and they were always cordial with each other especially during those times Olivia helped them through personal situations like Eli's birth and finalizing their divorce. However, she always felt like Kathy was threatened or troubled by her and Elliott's relationship. It bothered her at first but when she realized how much Elliott shared with her that he didn't share with his wife she understood why Kathy had a problem with her.

Their difficult triangle had gone on for years and Olivia was a passive participant in the trials and tribulations of the Stabler household. Now that she had no contact with Elliot she wondered if it was all a waste and why she spent so much time trying to repair a relationship that clearly went on and sustained without her presence.

"Liv? Liv? You ok?" Fin asked.

"Oh. Yeah I'm fine. What's going on?" Olivia pulled herself from her thoughts and turned back around to her desk trying to look focused.

He approached her cautiously and looked worried. "Where'd you go just now? You looked deep in thought."

She regained her composure and put her game face back on. "It's nothing, just wishing I was home with Noah that's all. You have an update for me on that co-ed rape case?"

Fin bought her story and handed her the case file. "Yeah, same MO as the others. Followed her home from the school library, raped her in one of the grassy areas near the parking lot, tons of people around but no one saw or heard anything."

"Unbelievable," Olivia scoffed and slammed the file back on her desk in frustration. She rubbed her forehead willing her newly formed tension headache to go away.

"Yeah," Fin agreed. "NYU one of the biggest campuses on this coast and no one knows or sees anything."

She stood up and sat on the edge of her desk going through another case file. "That makes 3 rapes over the last six weeks, the mayor is all over this one which means.."

"He's all over you," Fin finished for her. " We got it Liv. You know we got your back. Rollins and I are going to camp out at the hospital and try and talk to the vic again to see if there's something else she remembers."

"Thanks Fin," she said patting him on the shoulder. "Keep me posted."

As Fin walked out the room, Olivia got another call from the police commissioner asking for an update. Of course he also had a personal stake in the case. Plenty of cops' children went to NYU and having a serial rapist on the campus was starting to send a panic wave through the entire city and the force. She already heard rumors that some of the police officers were patrolling the school on their spare time. While she appreciated the help she couldn't help but feel like it undermined her team. The commissioner seemed frustrated that there were still no viable leads but she assured him that she was working with the school to make sure that girls were walking in pairs and campus security was on high alert but more than anything they just needed to catch this guy.

Olivia didn't pull up to her building until 10:38pm. It was going to be yet another night of not being able to tuck Noah in and another night with poor Lucy having to sleep over because she got home so late. At this point Lucy was at her house more than she was and she felt a little bad about it.

"It will all be over soon enough," she mumbled to herself as she got out of the car and headed upstairs. As she walked in the building she thought she felt a presence behind her somewhere. She turned around and didn't see anyone but touched her hip to make sure her gun was there.

"Hi Olivia," Lucy whispered as Olivia tried to tiptoe through the door.

"I'm so sorry I'm late again," she apologized.

"Don't worry about it. He just went down about an hour ago. I think he was waiting up for you," Lucy answered. She sighed, set down her bags and took off her coat.

"Oh. Well tomorrow I will make sure I'm here to put him to sleep," Olivia responded and Lucy could tell she was upset.

"Olivia, it's fine. That case of yours was on the news tonight. Is it really a serial rapist on campus?" she asked concerned. Lucy was also in school although she didn't go to NYU.

"Yeah, looks like it. But we are going to catch the son of a bitch so don't worry. It's late why don't you just stay here again tonight?" Olivia asked as she yawned.

"Sure."

She felt guilty that the nature of job affected Lucy at times. She seemed a bit more paranoid about everything since being exposed to the negative aspects of Olivia's job and the crimes she investigated.

She helped Lucy pick up the toys and baby gear that was laying on the floor. "I'm just going to peek in on Noah and then head to bed. Thanks again."

Olivia headed down the hall to Noah's room to give him a kiss goodnight. Every night since she bought him home she found herself watching him sleep sometimes and this night was no different. The world around her was surrounded in craziness but when she walked in Noah's nursery everything seemed so calm and serene. She felt like she could keep the rest of the world shut out. He slept peacefully and he seemed so well adjusted and happy considering her crazy schedule and the tumultuous first year of his life. She didn't want to stay in the room too long to allow Lucy to come in and sleep on the day bed in the nursery.

While in bed Olivia tossed and turned throughout the night. It never seemed to amaze her that no matter how tired she was it had become increasingly hard lately for her to sleep. Her mind was running on all cylinders and while this may have been a stressful time for most people, for her this kind of life was standard. However, with this case she knew she had to be at her best so she began to rummage through her nightstand to find a book to read hoping that would help put her to sleep.

As she dug through the drawer her fingers rubbed across a familiar piece of metal. She didn't have to take it out of the nightstand to know what it was. She ran her hands across it often but kept it in the drawer. Tonight for the first time in a few months, she took it out. It was the badge that Elliott gave her when he left with a note that said simply 'Semper Fi'. She remembered the day it arrived at the station in an unmarked envelope and how it almost brought her to tears to see it was from him. One message that he hadn't bothered to pick up the phone to tell her but sent in the mail. She immediately googled the term to see what it meant. It was a marine term that meant "Always faithful."

She rubbed her hands across the badge and the note he wrote to her and immediately felt the sadness take over her. She hated that he still had this effect on her when it was evident that he was able to easily leave her and not care. She used to carry the badge with her but felt betrayed that even after what happened with William Lewis she had not heard from him. She may not have thought of him as often as she used to but when she did, it left a huge weight on her shoulders.

"Always faithful my ass," she said finally shoving the badge back into her nightstand. She laid down in her bed and softly cried herself to sleep. She felt like she had only slept an hour when she heard her phone going off. It was Nick.

"Benson."

"Hey Liv sorry to wake you but we have another rape on campus," he reported. "This time though he killed her."

She rubbed her eyes and sat up on the edge of the bed. "Dammit. I'm on my way."

The clock next to her bed read 2:04 am. She dressed quickly and left a note on the counter for Lucy and headed to the scene.

There were ambulances everywhere and students gathered around to see what was going on. She saw that press was starting to arrive. "Hey Nick what we got?"

"Twenty two year old victim Katarina Vickers. She was walking home from the music building right across from the library. Looks like she put up a hell of a fight but he cut her throat," he explained walking her over to the young girl's body.

She bent down to check over the body. She saw the defensive wounds and the young brunette was dressed conservatively with her flute not far away from her. "Any fluids?"

"ME is checking her out now but it definitely looks like she was raped. I think it's the same guy," Nick confirmed.

She shook her head looking over the girl who had lost her life. She felt guilty that the perp was escalating and someone paid for it with their life. "I can't believe this."

"Well there is some good news. We have a witness, the girl's roommate. She's keeping it together pretty well under the circumstances."

"Ok, take me to her," she declared. They avoided the press that was now there in full force and walked around the back of the music building.

Nick continued to give Olivia more details as they walked in to talk with the victim's roommate. He looked around when he didn't spot her right away and they were both worried that she fled. He asked one of the deputies if they had seen her and he pointed them towards the seating area.

"Oh there she is," Nick called out as the young woman with blonde hair approached them.

He approached her and pointed to Olivia, "Elizabeth this is….."

"Olivia?! Oh my god," the young woman squealed clearly happy to see her.

She stood still in shock not believing who was standing before her. She hadn't seen her in years and the familiar feelings began to run through her.

"You two know each other?" Nick asked confused looking between both of them. He hadn't seen his boss this startled in a long time.

"Yes we do," Olivia finally spoke up taking a deep breath. "This is Elizabeth Stabler. My ex-partner's daughter."


	2. Crash Course

"_Elizabeth this is….."_

_"Olivia?! Oh my god," the young woman squealed._

_Olivia stood still in shock not believing this whole scene was playing out in front of her._

_"You guys know each other?" Nick asked confused._

_"Yeah we do," Olivia finally spoke up. "This is Elizabeth Stabler. My ex-partner's daughter."_

"Oh", Nick replied surprised.

Before Olivia could react any further Elizabeth ran into her arms and gave her a big hug. It caught her completely off guard.

"Oh my god Olivia it's you. I was hoping they would send you," she cried with tears in her eyes. Olivia could tell at that moment that she was just starting to come to terms with everything that happened that night. Being a cop's kid had toughened her up some but she was only twenty two years old and had just lost her roommate to a violent crime.

"Come here, come sit down," Olivia said taking her hand. "Nick can you go grab her some water?"

"Sure."

Olivia guided her to a small area with some chairs away from prying eyes and other cops. Once they sat down Olivia tried to talk to her again.

"Honey are you ok? I know that's a dumb question considering…"

Elizabeth wiped her eyes and stared at Olivia as if she had just seen a ghost. "I'm ok. I've missed you so much. Having you here makes it easier. I can't believe Kat is dead."

The words were pouring out of her. She was overwhelmed with everything going on around her and seeing her dad's ex-partner after such a long time just made the night even more unbelievable. She had always felt such a sense of comfort from Olivia. Despite everything that happened with her and her dad, she missed her being around. Her absence had such a profound effect on her family, more than she would probably ever know or be comfortable with.

Olivia gave her a few moments to try and contain herself and as she got ready to continue, Nick walked up with some water.

"Elizabeth, here you go."

"Lizzie. Call me Lizzie," she replied flashing a small smile to Olivia. It was her way of letting her know that some things were still the same despite all the time that passed.

Olivia took her hand in hers again and gave it a comforting pat. "Ok, I know this is difficult Lizzie so just take your time honey and tell us what happened."

Lizzie took a deep breath and began to tell the story. "We had all been on high alert since the stories of the rapist came out. We went most places in pairs and always text each other to let one another know where we were."

"When you say we. Who is all included in that?" Nick asked while writing down notes.

"Me, Kat, Jamie Lyons and Tori Kepner. Jamie and Tori live across the hall from us in our off campus apartments. We are all pretty close."

"Ok continue," Olivia coaxed her along while holding her hand.

Lizzie squeezed her hand and continued. "I fell asleep in the apartment and stayed sleep longer than I thought. Kat had to go to the music building to work on her solo. She's a music major. She tried to wake me I guess and I didn't get up so she left me a note."

She reached in her pocket and pulled out the note to hand to Olivia.

_Hey,_

_Tried to wake you. Running to the music building to try and record one more solo. Won't be long. Text me when you wake up._

_Kat_

"I woke up about 11:30 and saw her note. I text her and she didn't respond. I waited about 5 more minutes and text her again she didn't answer. So I signed into her icloud account and traced the phone. I saw it was near the library, which is not where she said she would be going so I immediately grabbed my keys and left. I knocked on Jamie and Tori's door but they weren't home and I didn't have time to waste."

As she talked, Olivia looked over at Nick who was frantically writing notes and also seemed a bit surprised at the story as well. There was no doubt that Lizzie was a cop's kid based on how well she was holding up considering the circumstances. She knew all the protocol and what would be asked.

"What time do you think it was by the time you got here?" Olivia asked gently.

"It was 11:51pm. I made a point to look at the time because I know that's important. So I went looking around…"

"You went looking around by yourself? You didn't call anyone?" Nick interrupted.

"When I got here I called campus police and…."Lizzie started to hesitate.

Olivia instantly knew where this line of questioning was going and she held her breath awaiting Lizzie to continue.

"I called my dad. He didn't answer so I left him a voicemail and told him to call me right back because Kat was missing," she explained while looking over at Olivia.

"What did campus police say when you called?" Nick continued trying to ignore the awkward tone that settled over the interview.

She set her cup down on the table and pivoted towards Nick giving him her full attention. "They told me to stay there, asked me for her name and my exact location and they would be there in five minutes."

"Let me guess. You didn't stay put."

Lizzie gave him a guilty look. "Well I was going to but as I started to walk back towards the corner where the police could see me I saw this guy running away and he looked suspicious so I followed him. Sorry." Nick looked up from his note pad and saw that the apology was to Olivia.

Lizzie knew that she was putting herself in danger and that under normal circumstances Olivia and her dad would be scolding her about it.

"Can you give us a description?" Nick asked.

"He was about 5 feet 9 inches tall, brown hair, about mid to late 20's, not the most athletic because he couldn't run that fast, maybe about 190 lbs. I think he normally wears glasses because he seemed to have trouble seeing in the dark based on how he was running. He stayed close to the street lights and then just disappeared off into a corner near the parking lot."

_Yeah she's definitely a cop's kid. _Nick thought to himself.

"I should've followed him but then I heard a gurgling sound and something move by the side of the library. I went to see what it was and it was Kat. She was gurgling and losing consciousness. I just held her in my arms until campus police arrived. She was already gone when they got there," Lizzie stated matter of factly with tears running down her cheeks.

"You did a good job Lizzie."

"A good job?! I should've gone after him. Who knows what he is going to do to someone else," she shrieked. She was getting more and more upset that there was yet another situation she couldn't control.

"Hey, that's our job to get him. You were with your friend and held her while she passed away. That's what matters. We are going to get this bastard. Don't you worry," Olivia promised her.

"Thanks Liv. I'm so glad you are here," Lizzie affirmed scooting close to her and giving her a hug.

"Did Kat say anything while you were with her?" Nick asked.

"No, she couldn't," she shook her head. "The injury to her throat, she couldn't talk."

With that last statement, Nick gave them a minute. There was an obvious maternal connection that Olivia had with Lizzie. She didn't talk about her ex-partner much but he was taken aback to see that she had such a close relationship with his children too. Olivia had only met Zara a handful of times and seemed to keep her personal and professional life separate as much as she could. He got the feeling from watching this exchange that it didn't always used to be that way.

"Do you think you could work with a sketch artist?" Nick asked interrupting them.

"Absolutely. That was going to be my next suggestion to you guys," Lizzie said as she wiped her face.

As they stood up Lizzie reached into her pocket to grab her phone. She had several missed calls and text messages. Most of them were from her dad.

Olivia and Nick looked on as she scrolled through all the messages.

"Lizzie, everything ok?" Olivia asked when she saw a look of concern on her face.

"Umm, I need to call my dad back," she declared awkwardly and stepped away towards the common area.

"Wow. She's something else," Nick commented to Olivia who suddenly looked very tense.

"Yes, she is definitely her father's daughter. She always wanted to major in Criminal Justice. I'm guessing she did," Olivia replied. She felt very numb and confused at the sight of Lizzie. She needed to concentrate because of all the optics on this case and the media that were bound to show up at any moment but she knew that somehow this case was going to put her on a crash course with Elliott.

"Dad. You're here!" Lizzie cried as she ran into her father's arms.

Olivia kept her back turned and took a deep breath. Nick noticed her tense body language. "Don't worry Liv. Ill handle it."

He walked out to greet Lizzie and Elliott while Olivia continued to stand with her back turned. She took several deep cleansing breaths and kept her eyes clothes as she braced herself for the meeting. After four years, this was it. She imagined so many times what she would do and say when she saw him again but she never thought it would be under these circumstances. Her mind started to race and her heart was beating through her chest.

"Lizzie are you ok? Baby what you did was crazy! You could've been killed! I called you a dozen times why didn't you answer?" Elliott screamed as he held the side of her head. Lizzie's tears started fresh. Others may have been put off by his intensity but it was obvious that Elliott was very protective of his daughter and loved her very much.

"I'm sorry dad. I had to go check on her. I called you though just like you told me to and I called the police. I just couldn't wait," she explained as she was hugging her father.

"I would die if something happened to you," he cried holding her tighter.

"I'm sorry."

"Mr. Stabler. I'm Detective Nick Amaro with the Special Victims Unit. I was just interviewing your daughter," Nick introduced himself as he walked up to them.

"Yeah hi," Elliott flinched a bit at the sound of hearing SVU again but of course they would be on the scene. He looked around outside a bit and didn't see anyone he recognized so he figured they weren't there yet.

"Your daughter has been extremely helpful with getting us a description of the perp. We want to get her with a sketch artist as soon as possible so we can get the description out to the public," Nick went on to explain.

"Yeah I know the routine it's just that she's been through so much. Lizzie you sure you want to right now? Maybe I should take you back to my apartment and you get some rest"

She shook her head and remained strong. "No dad. I want to do this. For Kat."

He thought it over a little and then agreed.

"Ok. Amaro was it? No offense but I'm going to want to tag along and make sure everything is handled ok."

"No problem. My boss is here so we can all get going to the station."

Before Elliott could fully register what that statement meant, she walked up.

"This is Sergeant Olivia Benson. I believe you two already know each other."

With that she approached them slowly. Elliott watched as the scene played out in slow motion.

"We do. Hello Elliott. Been a long time."


	3. Waiting

A/N: Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! I'm glad that everyone is enjoying the story. I know that everyone is waiting to see how the scene plays out between Elliot and Olivia but before we go there I think it's important to give you all a glimpse into what Elliot's world has been like. It will explain a lot about his approach to Olivia going forward. This scene is set earlier in the same day of the previous chapter.

Chapter 3: Waiting

This was the first week in a long time that Elliot's days didn't start off the exact same way. Since he was back in town, he decided to head up to campus and be there for Lizzie as much as he could. He knew she would be pissed if she knew exactly how much he was hanging around but he didn't care. She thought he was only around at night but he was actually shadowing her to each class. He also had a talk with her and her friends at their apartment about being safe and always checking in with each other. Lizzie seemed annoyed at the gesture but she knew why her dad was so protective of her. He wasn't going to lose another child.

"Hey dad"

"Hey Lizzie, what are you up to?"

"Nothing on my way home from class. It's been a horrible midterm week. I'm so tired. I'm going to go home and take a nap."

"Ok, well I was going to come over but I guess I wont."

"No dad, you don't have to. I'm fine. Ill call you later."

"Ok."

He watched his daughter as she walked up to her apartment complex and climbed the stairs to the third floor. She had no idea that he was following her the block from her last class to her apartment. With Lizzie safely inside he drove off to Kathy's to pick up Eli for the night.

It had only been a year since he and Kathy's divorce was final and the family was trying to get back to whatever version of their normal was. They managed to remain amiable and they both knew that the divorce was the right thing to do. Kathy had her assumptions about why the marriage didn't work and he was tired of hearing it so they settled into a cordial truce.

_"Elliot, your heart isn't in this marriage. We both know where it is."_

_"How long are you going to keep denying it?"_

_"It's clear to all of us that you don't want to be here."_

Elliot shook himself out of the memories of Kathy's words to him just as he was walking up to the door. It was still weird for him to knock on the door of a house he lived in for such a long time but they had clear boundaries and he was going to make sure that he respected them.

"Hey. He will be ready in just a second. He has to get all of his action figures ready. You know he can't be without them."

"No he cant," he lightly chuckled.

"Have you talked to Dickie lately?" Kathy asked with a look of concern on her face. It bothered her that the two were once again on strained terms.

"I called him. We talked…briefly."

"Elliot—"

"It's going to take time Kath. We will get there don't worry. At least he is answering my calls now. He didn't do that a few months ago so it's progress."

"Ok. I hope so."

Kathy was still concerned and he didn't to break her heart anymore over their family situation than he already had. She had put up with so much over the years and he may not have been able to be a good husband to her but he was determined to be a good father.

"Daddyyyyyy!" Eli screamed as he made his way in the kitchen.

"Hey there buddy. You ready to go?"

"Yep. All set."

"Ok, give mommy a kiss and a hug."

"Bye mommy"

"Ill have him tomorrow around noon."

"Ok"

Elliot and Eli went to get ice cream and rode around for a bit before heading back to his apartment. While they were riding around Elliot found himself on a block that had become very familiar to him over the past year and a half…the block where Olivia lived. When he left the unit he checked in with her just here and there in the beginning but since his divorce and getting word of her being attacked by that psychopath William Lewis his visits became more frequent. Sometimes he wouldn't see anything but other times he would see her from a distance walking down the street with her son. He knew more about her life than she would probably ever be comfortable with. On this particular day, there was nothing to see and he figured she was at the squad room.

"Daddy, why are we just sitting here? Can we go home now?" Eli complained from the back.

"Sure son. I was just checking on an old friend."

"Who?"

"My friend Olivia."

"Oh the one who helped me get born when I was a baby?"

Elliot chuckled at his son's choice of words. "Yes son. Her."

"Well why don't we just go in? Why are we sitting out here?"

"We will son. One day."

XXXXXX

Back at the apartment, Eli settled in to watch some of his favorite cartoons while Elliot checked in to work. He was now working part time with the Feds. He worked with them briefly before leaving SVU and when they heard of his retirement they offered him a job. At first he was resistant and refused to move to Virginia and leave his children but they agreed to let him stay in New York as long as he came down once a quarter to check in. He was doing undercover assignments here and there. He would go off the grid for a few weeks for an assignment and not have to work again for another few months. Kathy wasn't happy about it at first but she knew how important it was for Elliot to be doing something. He tried retirement and just staying at home but it did nothing but tear their family apart. Now that the kids were older they were able to help out with Eli when Elliot was gone.

He was going through some case files for another assignment when the news came on and he saw Olivia giving a statement on the rape case at NYU. He had seen her more times than she knew over the past 4 years and was still taken aback by how beautiful she was. She had become more strong and confident over the years. While talking to the media she carried herself as the epitome of leadership and he was in awe of her.

He broke his reverie to call Lizzie back and check on her. It was getting late and there was no way she was still sleeping.

She answered on the second ring.

"Hey Dad"

"Hey honey just checking in."

"I know dad. I'm still fine. I'm going to go with Kat to the music building later and do a little studying there while she handles her business."

"Ok. What time?"

"Dad it's fine. We are going to walk together. I have the mace you gave us. The music building is open 24/7; there are people there. It's fine. Plus, you have Eli tonight, you don't need to be dragging him out of the house."

"I know but.."

"But nothing Dad. It's fine. If something is off you will be my first call. I promise."

"I'm just worried about you honey that's all. You know you could still do an online college and come stay here with your old man."

They both laughed at his joke. He was happy that he was able to lighten the mood a bit. Of all his children, Lizzie was handling his overprotectiveness the best. She sympathized with him especially since he and her twin Dickie were barely on speaking terms.

"I'm about to finish looking over these last notes and lay down a bit more before we head back out."

"Well I'm glad you are getting your rest. It's important. Most kids would be out partying on a Friday night so I'm proud of you."

"I knowww Dad."

"Ok I guess that's my cue. Call me when you leave and when you get home."

"Ok."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

XXXXX

After an Xbox marathon of games, Eli was finally worn down and got into bed. It was a little after 9 and Elliot was surprised at how tired he was. Normally he was wired and stayed up late thinking over things, probably more than he should. He settled in his bed and checked his phone to see if Lizzie called. She hadn't so he called her. He figured she was probably still sleeping and left a message.

It wasn't long before his thoughts went again to Olivia. This was normal for him and he wanted to introduce himself back into her life but didn't know how. He knew that her life was different now and she seemed to have some sense of happiness now especially with her son. He didn't want to disrupt that for her. She had been through enough but the selfish side of him wanted to be there for her and tell her how he really felt.

_"Elliot, your heart isn't in this marriage. We both know where it is."_

_"How long are you going to keep denying it?"_

_"It's clear to all of us that you don't want to be here."_

He tossed and turned at Kathy's words. He didn't know what he was waiting for. He wanted to be with her but there were so many things that stood in the way…mainly him. He didn't want to bring any unnecessary drama or baggage in her life. His mind was working overdrive and eventually he drifted off.

XXXXXXX

His phone rang and he thought he was dreaming. By the time he got to the phone the person had already hung up. Through somewhat blurred vision he saw the missed call was from Lizzie. It was almost midnight and he immediately jumped up and started getting dressed while the phone kept going to voicemail. He was on his way out of the door before he remembered he wasn't at home alone.

"Shit! Eli!"

After a frantic call to Kathy, he grabbed his sleeping son and drove him back home and headed to campus. He didn't know where the music building was and with all the Friday night events it was taking him harder to maneuver around because there were students everywhere. He saw some sirens and feared the worst but followed them. When he pulled up the music building was roped off and they weren't letting anyone in.

It took some manipulation but he was able to get through thanks to one of the officers on the scene that didn't know he no longer worked for SVU but recognized him from past cases. He asked another officer to give him an update as to what was going on and confessed that his daughter was in the building. The officer confirmed to him that there was a victim of a rape homicide and that Lizzie was the witness. He went on to say that Lizzie tried to follow behind the perp but eventually stopped and called them. After getting a few more details, Elliot ran inside to try and find his daughter.

Walking into the building he saw cops and distraught students everywhere but no signs of Lizzie. He finally made her out of the crowd and ran up to her.

"Lizzie are you ok? Baby what you did was crazy! You could've been killed! I called you a dozen times why didn't you answer?" he said as he hugged her close.

I'm sorry dad. I had to go check on her. I called you though just like you told me to and I called the police. I just couldn't wait," she responded as he held her.

"I would die if something happened to you."

"I'm sorry."

He didn't mean to make her cry but when he missed her call and she wouldn't answer the feelings he had the night a similar situation unfolded a few years ago came flooding back to him and it was almost too much to bear.

As he was holding his daughter a somewhat familiar face walked up. He recognized Nick from seeing him near Olivia's apartment and on the news a couple of times.

"Mr. Stabler. I'm Detective Nick Amaro with the Special Victims Unit. I was just interviewing your daughter."

"Yeah hi."

He flinched knowing that Nick was one degree of separation from Olivia and wondered if she was there.

"Your daughter has been extremely helpful with getting us a description of the perp. We want to get her with a sketch artist as soon as possible so we can get the description out to the public."

"Yeah I know the routine it's just that she's been through so much. Lizzie you sure you want to right now? Maybe I should take you back to my apartment and you get some rest." He wanted her to be helpful but at the same time he knew she needed some time after just losing her roommate.

"No dad. I want to do this. For Kat."

He thought it over a little and then agreed.

"Ok. Amaro was it? No offense but I'm going to want to tag along and make sure everything is handled ok."

"No problem. My boss is here so we can all get going to the station."

Elliot held his breath as she walked up. He recognized that walk from anywhere as she emerged from the shadows.

"This is Sergeant Olivia Benson. I believe you two already know each other."

He froze. He finally exhaled as she spoke

"We do. Hello Elliott. Been a long time."

XXXXX

A/N: I know there are a lot of questions about Elliot's past four years. I gave you a little bit without explaining it all but it's going to come out through the story.


	4. Say Something

Chapter 4: Say Something

"Yes it has," Elliot replied. His voice was so low and hoarse that they barely heard him. He thought many times about how the moment would be when he saw her again but now that the moment was upon him he didn't know how to react.

Olivia looked at him waiting for him to say something else but when he didn't she continued on business as usual. Even Nick and Lizzie looked at Elliot who seemed to be in a trance looking at her. The moment was beyond awkward for the two by standers because the tension between Olivia and Elliot was palpable. Lizzie nudged her dad lightly in the back.

"Uhh yeah. It's nice to see you again Li—Olivia," he added nervously.

Olivia scoffed, rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Lizzie.

"Are you sure you are up to meeting with a sketch artist tonight. It's late and you've been through a lot."

"I'm up for it. I promise."

The exchange snapped Elliot out of his trance and put his attention back to his daughter who was being as strong as ever. She was no stranger to loss but he felt bad that she had to deal with this again.

"Okay you guys go back to the station to meet with the sketch artist. Nick if you wouldn't mind meeting them there. I need to stay here and give a statement to the press and make sure everything is being handled."

"You got it boss," Nick said obligingly.

"Liv, you will be back at the station soon right?" Lizzie asked concerned.

"Of course sweetie. An hour tops."

"Ok," she said with a small smile.

Without glancing in Elliot's direction she headed out to the front of the building. Elliot, Lizzie and Nick took the back exit away from the press.

XXXXX

"Is it too cold honey? Do you need me to adjust the air or anything?" Elliot asked while reaching for all of the a/c controls.

"I'm fine Dad. I promise. It's ok."

"You want to tell me everything that happened?"

"If you don't mind..I know I'm going to have to regurgitate this story a million times when I get to the station so I'd rather not have to repeat it. You can watch the interview if you want…I mean if they let you."

"I'm sure they will."

And with that the topic of Olivia was hanging over the car.

"Why didn't you say something to her?"

"To who?"

"Dad," Lizzie passed him an annoyed look.

"What more could I have said?"

"I don't know something like I missed you, I'm sorry for not being in touch, I've been miserable without you, I'm no longer married, I—"

"Ok Ok. I get it. Do you think a crime scene is the time to talk about that stuff? There will be other opportunities. Plus right now my focus is on you."

Lizzie suddenly became sad and the weight of the day was looming over her. He reached his hand around her shoulders and held her to him while keeping his other hand on the wheel.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Promise me that you will say something to her soon."

"Lizzie I—"

"Promise me."

"I will."

XXXXX

After a brief statement to the press and a call with the commissioner, Olivia texted Rollins, Carisi and Fin and told them to meet her at the station. She hated to wake them up at 3am but she needed all hands on deck so they could try and catch this guy before he struck again.

On the drive back to the station she couldn't help but let her thoughts wander to seeing Elliot again. She started to become more and more pissed thinking about the fact that he didn't have much to say to her and seemed like a deer in headlights. So he wouldn't see her fury she made it a point to avoid eye contact with him during the exchange but she couldn't keep that up for long considering he would be at the station with Lizzie when she got there.

He looked good, she couldn't deny that. He had aged a little bit but not much. He was still fit as always and she found herself almost taken away by his patented baby blues. Yeah, she would definitely be avoiding eye contact as much as she could she thought to herself as she let out a deep breath.

XXXXX

Olivia walked into the squad room to the rest of the team there waiting on her. She thought they would be tired but all of them looked wired and ready to go.

"Hey Nick did you brief everyone already?"

"I gave them a brief rundown but we were waiting on you."

"Ok everybody. Our rapist struck again but this time he's stepped it up. He actually murdered the victim. 22 year old Katarina Vickers was found with her throat cut near the library across the street from the music building where she was recording a solo. We do have a witness this time however. Elizabeth Stabler. She should be here shortly if she's not already to work with a sketch artist on a description."

She saw Fin move out of the corner of her eye watching her for a reaction. She did see him and Amaro exchanging knowing glances. At that moment Elliot and Lizzie came around the corner. Lizzie still looked strong and ready to help while Elliot was wearing the nervousness from being back at his squad and fear for Lizzie all over his face."

"Well I'll be damned. Elliot Stabler as I live and breathe," Fin said walking closer to shake his hand. He gave him a small smile. "You ok baby girl?" he asked Lizzie.

"Yeah I'm ok Fin."

"Hey sweetie, this is Iris our sketch artist. She's going to take you to the room over there to get the sketch and then Nick and I want to talk to you a little more if you are up to it?" Olivia asked her as she protectively placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah I'm fine but umm… do you mind if my dad comes in with me?"

"Of course. No problem." She glanced at Elliot briefly as he placed his hand on Lizzie's back. They walked off to go meet with Iris and Olivia continued briefing the team.

After the meeting she went back to her office to try and get a moment to breathe and send a text to Lucy to let her know she would be a few more hours. As soon as she reached for the phone Fin walked in and shut the door.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine Fin," she said as she exhaled.

"You don't look fine."

"No I look tired. It's 4:30am."

"It must be weird seeing him again. Normally I would have hemmed him up for being out of pocket for so long but under the circumstances I didn't think it would be the right time."

"And thank goodness for that," she chuckled lightly as she rubbed her neck.

"Well when you're ready to talk about it…"

"Thanks Fin. I appreciate that."

When Fin closed the door she turned her chair around so she would be facing away from the door and laid her head back in her chair and took a couple of deep breaths as she closed her eyes. Her mind was racing. She missed Noah, she was under so much pressure to find this rapist and now Elliot was back. She was lost in her thoughts for a little while until she heard a light knock on the door.

"Yeah," she answered not turning around.

"Hey," Elliot responded in a small voice.

She quickly turned around and looked at him surprised. Lizzie wasn't with him and he was standing in her door with that same deer in headlights look.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

She nodded slightly to let him know it was ok and stayed seated in her chair with her hands crossed in her lap not bothering to stand up. The fact that she wouldn't engage him just made him more nervous and his palms were getting sweaty. He wiped them on his jeans as he stood before her.

"Lizzie went to the bathroom but she will be out in a second so you can start the interview," Elliot explained.

"Ok. Whenever she's ready. No rush."

There was a stretch of silence and Olivia began to look at files on her desk as if she was getting prepared for the interview. She didn't plan on making this easy for Elliot even if he was trying. It had been four years of total silence from him. If he wanted to speak to her now he was going to have to work for it.

"So you're in the big office hunh?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yep. Looks like it."

_This is going to be harder than I thought_, he thought to himself. He looked down searching for something else to say. She wouldn't even make eye contact with him and he felt terrible that she was treating him like a stranger.

"Look Li-Olivia, I know it's been a long time."

"It sure has Elliot. Four years. Four."

She stood up with folders in her hand after she said it preparing to head to the interrogation room. He moved closer to her desk and her breath hitched slightly.

"I can explain."

"Elliot no need. If there is one thing I've learned is that people make time for who and what they want to make time for. You didn't want to. I get it, its fine."

She moved towards the door and he moved in front of it and blocked her. She looked straight ahead as he softly closed the door.

"Olivia look at me," he pleaded as he placed his hand on her elbow.

The touch sent chills up Olivia's spine. She hated that after all this time his touch still had that effect on her. Elliot noticed the change in her body language and moved closer to her.

"Please", he begged.

She reluctantly looked up and they locked eyes. She tried to keep a straight face but with Elliot he was always able to read every emotion on her face. He saw the anger, disappointment and resentment she had towards him but more than anything he saw that she was hurt.

"I'm so sorry Olivia. You will never know how sorry," he said as his eyes began to water. The sincerity in his words and his eyes caused her to start tearing up and she looked down from him to try and contain her tears from falling.

"It's fine," she whispered unconvincingly. She couldn't speak full voice for fear that her voice would crack and the tears would fall.

"No. It's not fine. I know the timing couldn't be worse but when this is over we need to talk. Please."

"Elliot.."

"Please Liv."

Hearing him call her Liv again was her undoing.

"Ok," she responded swiping at a stray tear. She steadied herself and headed for the interrogation room.

When her door opened, Fin and Amaro watched the body language between her and Elliot but didn't say anything. Fin wanted to say something but decided against it because emotions were running high. Lizzie came around the corner and they headed to the interrogation room.

XXXXX

Nick and Olivia questioned Lizzie for about an hour and a half, just long enough to see the sun come up. She was precise, matter of fact and gave them a lot of details about Katarina and her life that would be helpful in the investigation. They still had to entertain the idea that the person who killed Katarina may not be the same guy but her gut told her it was.

Elliot was in the room for the questioning holding Lizzie's hand the whole time for comfort. They exchanged a few glances but their concern and focus was on Lizzie. When the interview was over Olivia walked with her to the elevators and gave Lizzie her business card.

"Call me if you think of anything else or if you just need to talk," Olivia offered.

"I will. It was so good to see you again. I'm glad it's you handling this."

"It was good to see you too."

"Ok honey let's go to your place and pick up a few things. How about you stay with me for a few days?" Elliot offered up.

"Oh god, at the one bedroom bachelor pad. I don't know about that Dad," Lizzie responded with a small laugh.

Both Elliot and Olivia exchanged glances at her admission that Elliot was living in an apartment. She immediately looked down at his finger and noticed that this wedding ring wasn't on. Elliot followed her eyes to his finger and then looked back up at her.

"Well too bad. You are staying with me where I can keep an eye on you. Thanks for the business card. _We _will be in touch," he replied with a small smile as he put emphasis on the word we.

"Take care," she said as they got in the elevator and pressed the button to go down. Just like that he was gone again. The whole night seemed like a dream and because she was so tired she wasn't so sure that it wasn't.

_He's divorced _she thought to herself as she walked back into the squad room.

XXXXX

"I'm so glad that's over. I don't think I can go back to the apartment. Let's just go straight to your apartment ok?" Lizzie asked her dad as she laid her head back on the car seat.

"I'm proud of you. What you did back there…I know it couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't."

They rode in comfortable silence for a little while both thinking about the night's events before Lizzie spoke up.

"Dad."

"Yeah honey."

"I'm sorry I scared you when I called. I know that probably brought up some bad memories for you," Lizzie said apologetically and putting her hand on Elliot's shoulder as he drove. "Are you thinking about her?"

"Who?"

"Kathleen?"

"Everyday."

XXXX

A/N: So there it is. A little more glimpse into what may have happened to Elliot during these four years. Hope you all are still enjoying the story. He and Olivia talk in the next chapter. Don't forget to review! Would love to hear your thoughts on the story so far.


	5. You Need Help

Chapter 5: You need help

_A week later_

"Dammit," Elliot yelled as he burned himself trying to pick up the handle of a skillet full of eggs that was still hot.

"Uhh, having trouble?" Lizzie asked with a small smirk.

"Yeah I was just trying to make you breakfast."

"That's sweet dad but I'm already running late for class."

"Are you sure you want to be going back to class so soon? You've been through a lot this past week."

"Dad I need to do something to distract myself. Kat's funeral the other day was just…tough. I'm ready to get back to some sense of normalcy."

"Come here," Elliot said as he hugged his daughter and placed a small kiss on her forehead. "You are so strong. You must get that from your mother."

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Nahh," Elliot said releasing her and turning himself towards the dishes to distract himself.

"I mean it. You've been through a lot and you've managed to do just fine for yourself. You've come out on the other side. I'm proud of you," Lizzie said sincerely.

"Thank you. Now you better get going or you really are going to be late."

He gave her a small reassuring smile but he was still uncomfortable with this line of talk. He knew that Lizzie was talking about the past destructive years he'd had and he wasn't interested in reliving them.

When Lizzie left, Elliot found himself in a daze thinking about his life. He had come a long way from where he was even a year ago but he had to admit his life had become a bit like ground hog day. He liked his job but there was nothing overly excited about it. The guys were cool but it was nothing like the camaraderie he had at SVU with Munch, Cragen, Fin and ….. Just thinking about her made him furrow his brow in frustration.

It had been a week since they stumbled upon each other at the crime scene and with the exception of a few conversations here and there mostly about the case and Lizzie's well being where she wouldn't even look him in the eye, they had no contact. He was focusing all his energy on keeping Lizzie safe and despite her initial reservations about staying at his apartment; they actually enjoyed each other's company. He was lonely at his apartment sometimes so having one of his children around all of the time even under the stressful circumstances was good for him.

Elliot tried to get Olivia to share as much with him about the case as possible but she didn't know he was working for the Feds so she didn't talk to him like another cop but like the parent of a witness to a horrible crime. There were more details that he wanted to know and he was trying to piece together what he could based on the information he was able to get from his contacts within the force. He didn't want to step on her toes and undermine her authority. If he was ever going to convince her to talk to him, meddling in her investigation behind her back wasn't the way to do it.

XXXXX

Olivia had been consumed for the past week chasing down multiple leads that had come through the tip line as a result of the sketch and additional details being released to the public. So far not much had panned out and everyone was tired and frustrated.

She was particularly on edge because she missed Noah and was only seeing him for about an hour while he was awake because she was at the station so much. Despite being so tired, Olivia was finding it hard to sleep. Once she laid down either at home or in the cribs her mind began to wander to Elliot. She called Lizzie a few times to check on her and twice Elliot picked up the phone. She didn't make much conversation other than "Hello" and "Is Lizzie available?" She was reeling from the confession that Elliot was divorced and if she was being totally honest with herself she was even more disappointed that he didn't contact her. When she was trying to make excuses for him at one point, she thought that maybe Kathy was the reason he had not reached out to her sooner. It was no secret that Kathy was sometimes uncomfortable with their level of closeness.

Now he had no excuse and he still hadn't bothered to reach out. It just made no sense and every time they spoke she felt like there was more that he wanted to say but he never said much. Truth is, she hadn't given him a whole lot of opportunity but she was determined to not make it easy for him. It had been four years and she had been through hell. The person that she cared for the most was not only not there to save her but he didn't even reach out to make sure that she was ok. The thought started to make her even more upset and she was clinching her fist without recognizing it.

"Hey Liv, I think I have something," Fin said walking up holding a file folder. "Jesse Minor, 28 years old, works as a janitor at a burger joint a block away from campus. According to some people we talked to guy's a real creep. Bothering some of the girls on campus, hanging around and got a little aggressive with a few of them."

"Wow. He matches Lizzie's sketch pretty close. Why are we just now hearing about this?," Olivia asked trying to snap herself out of thoughts of Elliot and grabbing the photo.

"I don't think people really thought anything about it until the sketch started floating around. Nick and Amanda are on their way to tail him to see what we can find out about his comings and goings."

"If he knows we are on to him then he could get desperate."

"What do you want to do next boss?"

"Keep Amaro and Rollins on him. Let me call Barba and update him and call Chief Dodds. I'm going to do everything on the up and up to make sure this bastard doesn't get off on a technicality. There are a lot of eyes on this one."

"You got it."

XXXXX

Elliot was going through his case files when he heard a knock at the door. He checked the peephole and to his surprise it was Dickie. He opened the door quickly afraid that was something wrong.

"Are you ok? Is everything alright?" Elliot asked ushering him in.

"Yeah everything's fine. I came to see Lizzie," Dickie responded. He was being pretty guarded and it was evident that was still a bit uncomfortable around his dad. His body language was not lost on Elliot.

"She already left for school."

"She's going back to class already?"

"Yeah she insisted."

"You didn't stop her? How could you let her go back to campus with a psycho still on the loose?" Dickie was starting to raise his voice and Elliot was trying to keep his cool.

"No I didn't stop her. The squad has a detail on her and her identity has been withheld so everything will be fine. I've been holding her up in my apartment for the past week without her losing it on me so yes I let her go to school."

Dickie huffed but didn't say anything. His dad was right but he was worried about her.

"I-I'm sorry," he apologized.

"No problem. You are worried about your sister. I get it."

They stood in awkward silence for a moment. Elliot expected him to leave but he stood there like he had more to say.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked.

"No thanks. I guess I should be going."

"Wait, why don't you hang out a while? Catch up," Elliot asked awkwardly.

"Umm yeah ok. Ill take a bottle of water then if you have it."

"Water yeah I think I can manage that," he said as he ran to the kitchen to get the bottle of water. He was moving as if Dickie would leave if he didn't get the bottle of water fast enough.

"So how's work son?"

"Pretty good. The market is back on track so business has been good," Dickie responded perking up. He was happy that his dad asked about work. It didn't go over well when he decided to forego college and go straight in to trying to sell real estate. There was an argument and once again he felt like his dad wasn't supporting him but his decision to skip college was the least of him and his dad's problems.

"That's good to hear. Maybe you will be looking for a house for me real soon."

"Sounds good. I'm ready when you are."

There was another moment of awkward silence.

"Have you talked to Mom lately?"

"Yeah she's been calling for Lizzie every hour on the hour and I've talked to her briefly. I know she's worried but I appreciate her letting her stay here. She's even going to be over here a little later if you want to stick around."

Dickie was surprised.

" Yeah I may do that. And with Mom I know she's worried sick of course considering but she knows if anyone can protect her you can."

Elliot finally began to be at ease with his son for the first time in a long time and visibly relaxed. I guess hearing that his parents were on speaking terms and that his mom was not hurting too much was enough to ease some of the tension. For years Dickie watched his mom in pain over his dad's long absences and shutting down emotionally when he got home from work so as a result it started to put more and more of a strain on their relationship as he got older. He was more aware of what his mom was going through and sometimes he hated his dad for it. He couldn't imagine the depth of things his dad saw on the job and he tried to keep that in mind but once it got to the point that it was evident that his dad would rather spend time with his partner Olivia than his wife, that's where Dickie drew the line.

They talked a bit more and sat down to watch a little television awaiting Kathy to come over but Dickie couldn't stop himself from mentioning the inevitable.

"So I heard that Olivia is on this case."

Elliot paused briefly but tried to regain his composure to answer the question.

"Yeah she is."

It was evident that he wasn't going to elaborate so Dickie tried again.

"I hear that she's the boss now over SVU."

"Man you hear a lot. So what else did your sister tell you?"

"That you have barely spoken to her and that the reunion between the two of you was a bit icy to say the least."

"Why are you two even discussing me and Olivia? We need to focus on catching this rapist so everything can go back to normal and your sister can be safe again," Elliot said matter of factly and sounding a bit more upset than he meant to.

"We are discussing it because we all know that Olivia is the reason that your marriage with mom never got back on track after the separation. You are divorced now so why would you pass up the opportunity to talk to her, to explain everything. It doesn't make any damn sense," Dickie shot back.

Elliot stood up and was about to yell but tried like hell to reel in his emotions. He had been in therapy over the last year or two trying to work on his anger issues.

"Olivia is not the reason Mom and I broke up," he said as calm as he could.

"I didn't mean like her specifically. Look dad maybe I'm not explaining myself correctly. I know that you never cheated on mom. I know that your work was hard. But you have to admit that it got to a point that you preferred to be at work with her than at home with us."

Elliot looked at his son and realized that was why he was son angry with him. He never thought for a minute that his children felt like he didn't want to be at home with them to be with Olivia. He figured that Kathy felt that way and maybe she wasn't completely wrong but as far as his children, that was never the case.

"Listen to me. If I did anything to make you and your brothers and sisters feel that way, you will never know how sorry I am."

"Dad it's fine. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make this conversation so heavy."

"No it's not fine because it's not true. Let's sit down," he said as he motioned over back to the couch. "I love you and your brothers and sisters more than anything in the world. God knows I feel like you guys are the only thing I have done right in my life. I know I was hard to live with. It was the job, it was your mom, it was a lot of things. I saw things at work that I would never want you guys to see. Things that affected me more than I would ever like to admit. It wore me out so much emotionally that by the time I came home to you guys, I had nothing left. I couldn't separate. I should've left the unit but as stupid as it sounds every pedophile I caught meant one less pedophile that could get their hands on you guys. I wanted to protect you guys from people like the ones I saw everyday. I leaned on Olivia because she was the only person who could understand. Your mom didn't get it and rightfully so. You have to be there to understand that kind of sick twisted stuff."

"I know the job was hard. But it wasn't just about that with Olivia. You know that. I know that and mom knows it. It changed at some point. Didn't it?"

Elliot couldn't believe that they were having this conversation. It was hard for him to talk about his feelings for Olivia with anyone, let alone his children. He always warred with feeling like he was being unfaithful to Kathy even if he had never been physically intimate with Olivia. He wasn't sure if Dickie could understand the emotional connection without reducing it to him just having the hots for her.

"Yes. It changed. But I want you to know we never ever crossed that line. Ever. You got that?"

"I know you didn't."

"You do? How?"

"As bad as it sounds I feel like if you would have it would have taken some of the pressure off. You were so wound up and so angry. It was obvious you were holding something in and lashing out. If you were actually with Olivia, I don't think you would've been so angry especially once you left the squad. You were mourning the loss of her. We all knew it."

Elliot took a deep breath before he asked his next question knowing the answer could possibly break him.

"Did Kathleen feel like I abandoned you guys for Olivia?" he asked cautiously.

"No. She actually defended you when we would talk about it. She's always liked Olivia and I think out of all of us she was probably the closest to your work. She got it dad. More than the rest of us did at the time."

Dickie's words caused Elliot to become emotional again. Kathleen had been on both sides of the law and had been in his squad room more times than he wanted to remember. However, that closeness to his work and what he did always gave them a different closeness than he had with his other children.

"That's good to know."

"I'm not trying to bust your chops or anything. I know that's hard to believe considering everything lately and that we haven't been close. I just feel like all of it has to be for something. Everything with Kathleen, you and mom divorcing, the hell we've all been through the last few years, it has to be for something. If you don't talk to her and try to make it work, I don't know I feel like nothing good can come out of all of this."

"You would consider that good?" Elliot asked surprised.

"You deserve to be happy dad. We all do."

Elliot reached to pull Dickie into a hug that he could tell made the young man feel a little uncomfortable.

"I love you son."

"Aren't I a little too old for you to be hugging me?"

Elliot laughed through tears that threatened to leave his eyelids.

"You are never too old for your old man to hug you."

At that moment Elliot's phone rang and he glanced over to look at it.

"Get that please," Dickie said sarcastically as he wiggled out of his dad's grasp and walked towards the kitchen.

"Stabler. Chief Dodds? What can I do for you?"

XXXXX

Olivia hadn't gotten ahold of Chief Dodds when she called him so she left him a voicemail. She spent the rest of the morning and some of the afternoon checking in with the rest of the team to see what they had on the suspect. She also ran a background check on him and checked his financials. She called Lizzie's cellphone and caught her before she was going into class and checked on Lizzie's detail to make sure they were staying on her. She was doing fine all things considering. She was on her way out to meet with Barba when Chief Dodds walked in.

"Chief, I called you earlier. What brings you by?"

"Sargeant I appreciate all of your hard work on this but I thought that maybe you could use a little help."

"What? Chief my team is on this, we even have a suspect," Olivia said clearly upset.

"Look I know I know that you are trying your hardest but there are a lot of optics on this. This case may be bigger than you realize and like it or not you need help."

Olivia tried her best to calm down. She and the Chief never saw eye to eye and all her trouble with Lewis had him constantly second guessing her. She had a feeling that he was not a big fan of a female being in charge.

"So what do you have in mind?" she asked.

"Not what. Who," he said as he stepped to the side.

Elliot walked in slowly with his head slightly down. He was clearly not the most comfortable with the situation.

"Elliot?" she asked surprised.

"Your old partner works for the feds now and used to work here. I think if anyone can help he can."

"His daughter is a witness, don't you think that's a conflict of interest?"

"Under normal circumstances yes, but I think in this case we use that to our advantage. If anyone has a vested interest he does."

Elliot cleared his throat to make sure they remembered he was still standing there since they were talking as if he was no longer there.

"Chief can Li—Sargent Benson and I talk alone for a second?"

"Sure. Ill be right outside."

As the door closed, Olivia lashed out.

"You son of a bitch are you serious? You are going to undermine me to the Chief."

"He called me Liv. And so you know I haven't agreed to anything yet. I told him that I would not do this if you aren't ok with it. I want to find who did this for obvious reasons and to keep my daughter safe but if there is anyone I trust to handle this situation it's you. I would never undermine you."

"If you think I can do it then why would you even somewhat consider working on this case?"

Elliot began to close the distance between them, which made Olivia's breath hitch slightly.

"Because if I know you as well as I used to. I know because it involves Lizzie you will do anything to make sure this bastard is caught including maybe getting a little too close. I would feel better if it was me watching your back, protecting you."

"I'm fine El," Olivia said softly. She was intimidated by his closeness.

"I know you are. You always are. Call me selfish, but with you and Lizzie being so close to this one I would feel better being involved. I will stay out of your way. You are the boss. I know I can help, you know I can. But it's your call."

"Ok."

A/N: Benson and Stabler back together again. How will it go with them working together? Hmmmm. Please review! Would love to know your thoughts so far.


	6. Just Like Old Times

Chapter 6: Just like Old Times

Olivia paced back and forth in her apartment the next morning instead of getting dressed for work. She had three different outfits chosen and was disgusted that all of a sudden her wardrobe meant so much to her. She knew why, it was because of Elliot. They were supposed to be staking out Jesse Minor today after there were some red flags that came up in his background check. She was supposed to be at the station in 30 minutes and she wasn't even dressed yet.

"Unbelievable," she mumbled to herself when she looked at herself in the mirror. Noah was drinking a bottle sitting on her bed and stopped every now and then to laugh at his mom. Olivia finally settled on an outfit and took Noah to the living room to wait for Lucy who was running a little late. After texting Fin to tell him she may be a little late for their morning meeting before the stakeout she proceeded to clean up a little while she waited for her.

When there was a knock on the door, Olivia ran to open it without looking in the peephole assuming it was Lucy. She was surprised to find Elliot at her door with two coffees.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came by to pick you up. Here, I assume you still like coffee," he said handing her the cup.

"Can I come in?"

"Uhh..," Olivia hesitated. She didn't want Elliot meeting Noah and she thought being inside her house was just a bit too intimate for where they were in their dealings right now.

"Hey Olivia, sorry I'm running late," Lucy said rushing down the hall and into the apartment. Her timing was perfect.

"No worries. Ill see you later," Olivia said as she ushered Elliot to the elevator.

In the elevator she didn't say anything and stayed on the opposite side from him. Her mind was going a mile a minute. He almost saw Noah and she didn't know what if anything she wanted him to know about her life. She also couldn't believe he just showed up like everything was back to normal. She agreed to let him work on the case because he made a good point that even after everything they had gone through she still trusted him with her life.

Elliot just stared at Olivia as they rode down in the elevator willing her to make eye contact with him. He felt that familiar magnetic charge between them and he shook his head trying to reset himself. He wondered if she felt it too. He was shocked to see he felt the attraction to her stronger than he ever did before. It was like they hadn't missed a beat.

As they finally made it to the first floor Elliot motioned for Olivia to head out of the door first.

"Ill drive," he stated matter of factly.

"No thanks, we are doing the stakeout in my car so I may as well drive or you can take your car too."

"Does it make sense for both of us to drive to the same destination?"

"I don't feel like arguing with you. We are already running late, either get in my car or drive your own."

"Yes boss," he said as he opened the door to the passenger seat.

The drive over was very quiet and he kept taking peeks in her direction to see if she would spark up a conversation but he could tell she was deep in thought. It was just ten minutes to the station and it seemed that for once there wasn't crazy traffic so they were there in no time.

Walking into the squadroom the team was already waiting for Olivia to get there to brief them on everything. Elliot walked a few steps behind her but almost everyone was paying attention to the body language between the two of them. Elliot stayed back with the rest of the officers while Olivia stood front and center. Barba walked in just as she was getting started.

"Ok everybody sorry I'm a little late. Let's get to it. Jesse Minor, 28 years old works as a janitor at a popular burger place right off campus. We checked his background and he has prior arrests for attempted rape and one prior conviction for aggravated assault. Fin?" Olivia handed it over to Fin as he went into more detail about Jesse's home life and his possible connection to the victims. She kept her eyes squarely on Fin as he talked. She was too scared to steal a glance at Elliot but had a feeling he was watching her.

Once Fin wrapped up, Amaro took over and gave details into possible motives and psychological issues.

"Today we will sit on the suspect and see what we can find out. Hopefully we will have this guy within the next 48 hours. All the evidence right now is circumstantial and I'm sure our esteemed ADA would like a little more to go on," she stated as she and Barba exchanged a small smile. "Everyone assigned to keeping an eye on the campus make sure you are in touch with the other officers and switching out shifts appropriately. I don't want there to be one minute that we don't have a strong presence on that campus. Thanks guys."

As the meeting adjourned Elliot followed Olivia as she went in her office to collect a few more things before they headed out. Barba met them both inside.

"I don't think we've met before. Rafael Barba, ADA."

"Elliot Stabler," he reached out and shook his hand.

"Ahh Stabler. Your reputation precedes you."

"Oh well don't believe everything you hear," Elliot said a little concerned at what Barba may have heard.

"All good things. The legendary Benson and Stabler was the talk of the District Attorney's office when I came on board. Glad to see you will be helping us out with this one. Sorry to hear about your daughter."

Elliot stopped in his tracks. "Umm. Thank you."

"I know it's got to be tough to lose a friend in such a manner but Olivia said she's a tough cookie."

He realized then that Barba was talking about Lizzie and not Kathleen and tried to recover.

"Oh yeah Lizzie. She is. She's doing much better than I would be under the circumstances."

Olivia caught that he seemed to be a little rattled at Barba's line of questioning but couldn't figure out why.

"We are on our way out Barba. Ill call you if we have anything."  
"Sounds good to me," he responded noticing the tension between the two.

"Ready Stabler?"

"After you."

The car ride to Minor's apartment building was more of the same awkward silence. Once parked in front, they both fidgeted and Olivia looked everywhere but at Elliot in the passenger side. She tried very hard to focus on the apartment building and nothing else but there wasn't much movement. She texted Fin and Amaro to verify that he hadn't gone to work or left and went somewhere else. They assured her that he was still inside.

"This is odd that he hasn't left yet," Olivia said looking at her watch.

"Liv, we've only been sitting out here ten minutes."

"I know that but he has to be at work soon. I just thought he would've left by now."

"He will be out soon enough. So….just like old times hunh?"

"Yeah I guess," she said not offering up much more.

They passed a few more minutes not saying much to each other. Elliot decided to call Lizzie and check on her.

"Hey honey you ok?"

"I'm fine dad. I'm staying at the apartment, the detail is outside, everything is fine," Lizzie responded annoyed.

"Ok just checking. I love you."

"I love you too."

The call between Lizzie and Elliot softened Olivia a little bit and pushed her to finally make conversation.

"She sounds like she's getting a bit irritated."

"A bit? That's an understatement."

"I can't wait to hurry and catch this guy so she can go back to her life. I know that has to be tough not knowing what's next and not being able to close that chapter."

"Yes. I'm sure you do," he responded looking right into her eyes.

She immediately shut down and went back to looking forward. She knew that he was talking about Lewis and she refused to talk about with him…at least not yet.

"I'm sorry," Elliot apologized.

"For what?"

"Well right now for bringing that up but overall just for everything. Not being there."

"Not right now El."

"I know. Just promise me soon. Please."

She was still looking straight ahead and it was killing him.

"Liv? Can you look at me?" he asked almost whispering and taking her hand that was firmly planted on the center console. She flinched a little at the contact. She was taken aback that him touching her was having such an effect on her and took a deep breath silently praying that her heart would stop beating so fast.

"We are supposed to be watching the apartment building."

"I know. Just for a second."

She slowly turned to look him in the eye and it took everything in her not to start crying. Those intense blue eyes were staring at her for the first time in a long time and now it was her turn to make observations. They were softer than she had seen in years. She saw how sorry he was and a myriad of other emotions that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"I told you when this case is over you and I will talk. Nothing's changed."

"Ok. Just wanted to make sure. I don't want to pressure you Liv. I owe you an explanation and I—."

"You don't owe me anything El," she said moving her hand and turning her attention back to the building.

"Yes I do. I just hope that once I explain everything that you will still want me in your life. I don't want to go another four years without talking to you."

"Well you didn't have to go four years the first time. Your decision," she said simply as she took a sip of coffee.

"Not quite," he said turning back in his seat and looking at the building as well.

She wasn't sure what he meant by that but she couldn't think of anything that would have kept her away from him that long. However, looking in his eyes she knew that he was sincerely sorry but she needed answers. What had he been doing all this time? How long had he been divorced? Did he know everything about Lewis? Why didn't he come for her? And one question that just popped in her head.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know where I lived?" she asked looking at him.

He froze for a minute before he said, "Look he's on the move."

Minor was leaving his apartment and looked really antsy. He didn't get into a car and was walking looking around him very paranoid.

"I'm going to follow him on foot. You take the car," Olivia said as she got out of the car.

He was apprehensive about her following the suspect on foot alone but he remembered she was the one in charge. As she took off behind him, Elliot trailed slowly behind in the car. Suddenly he took off running and was throwing pedestrians aside trying to get away.

Olivia ran behind him and Elliot got frustrated when his car got stuck in traffic so he decided to pull the car over and took off running behind the suspect as well.

"I'm going to go behind the alley, you take that way. We can cut him off," Olivia yelled at Elliot as they split up. Once they were near the store, the suspect jumped from behind the trash cans and had his gun pointed at Olivia. They were pointing at each other as Jesse walked closer to him. Elliot was behind one of the carts trying to get closer without drawing attention to himself.

"Put the gun down Jesse."

"Put your gun down now or I will shoot you in the head!" he screamed waving his gun frantically.

"I can't do that Jesse. Let's just calm down and talk."

"No! No! Don't come close to me. I don't want to talk. You think I didn't know you guys were on my trail. Talking to people around campus and showing that sketch to everyone! I didn't mean to kill her. She wouldn't shut up. If she would've just laid there and took it.."

"I know you didn't mean to do it Jesse. You're a good guy. Just put the gun down and let's talk. Come on," Olivia said trying to get closer to him.

As she got closer to him he backed up and was getting closer to Elliot without realizing it. As soon as he was in striking distance, he lunged at Jesse and knocked him over knocking the gun out of his hand. Olivia secured the gun and ran over to Jesse as Elliot cuffed him.

"You ok?" Elliot asked concerned.

"Yeah," she said as she flashed him a small smile. She was happy that he was there in that moment. Despite everything they had always worked well together and were always in sync.

"Jesse Minor you are under the arrest for the rape and murder of Katarina Vickers," Olivia said as they walked him back to the car to put him in the back seat.

XXXXX

_A few hours later…_

"Good job. Both of you," Chief Dodds said as he shook Elliot and Olivia's hand.

"It was all Sergeant Benson. She cornered the perp and got him to confess in interrogation," Elliot responded while smiling at her.

"Well thanks. Both of you. I'm just glad all of this is over."

"Indeed. We will talk more particulars later. In the meantime, get home and get some rest. You deserve it," Dodds added as he walked out of the squad room.

"Thanks El. For everything today. It really did feel just like old times out there like you said."

"It was all you. I was just along for the ride."

"Yeah. Feels like I couldn't have done it without you though. Thanks."

"You are welcome."

As he got ready to walk out of her office, Barba, Fin, Amaro and Rollins came in to congratulate them as well.

"We got a clean confession. Everything was done by the book. I think it's going to be a slam dunk in trial," Barba said confidently.

"This fool should just plead guilty and save everyone the time. And then at least Lizzie wouldn't have to testify," Fin added.

"Yeah that would be great if she didn't have to but I know she's ready to either way," Elliot said.

"Well I'm ordering everyone home for some sleep. Everything else is pretty slow around here and you all look worn out. Go home, that's an order," Olivia said smiling at her team.

"You got it boss," Fin said.

"See ya," Amanda said as she and Nick walked out.

"It was nice to meet you Agent Stabler," Barba said.

"Please call me Elliot."

"Elliot. Tell your daughter I'm going to push to put this to bed as quick as I can and hopefully she won't have to testify. Ill be in touch."

"Sounds good."

When Barba left, Elliot waited as Olivia gathered all of her things.

"Do you mind if I walk you out?" he asked.

"No. Let's go."

When they reached her car he opened the door for her as she stayed between the door and car before getting in.

"You know you never answered my question," she said.

"What question was that?"

"How did you know where I live?"

"I'm a federal agent," he responded joking.

"Elliot…"

"I know you have a lot of questions Liv. I will answer every question you have when we talk. Not right now because you are exhausted and need to go home and rest. But whenever you are ready. Call me. We will set up a time to talk..in person," he said as he gently touched her hand.

"Ok," she said simply.

She got in the car and started it up as he tapped the hood twice and walked off. She watched him walk away and unlike last time she knew it wouldn't be long before she saw him again.

A/N: Ok that's two chapters in one day. I guess having some down time for Good Friday helps J Don't forget to review!


	7. There's a Story

Chapter 7: There's a Story

Olivia stayed in bed the rest of the day and spent the entire next day with Noah. She took him to the park, to the zoo and played with him all day. She missed her little boy and prayed that her phone didn't ring with a case while they were together and thankfully it didn't. By the time early evening came, Noah was knocked out and she was left on her couch to think over everything.

Her mind immediately went to her talk with Elliot. She had so many questions that she needed answers to. She picked up her phone to actually make a list of the questions she wanted to ask him when she noticed she had a missed call.

_Please don't be work,_ she mumbled to herself. It was actually Don, or Captain Cragen as she called him for years. Now he was just Don, her surrogate father and friend. She immediately called him back and he picked up on the second ring.

"Olivia.."

"Don, hi. I'm sorry I missed your call I was out with Noah all day."

"I'm glad you got to spend some time with him. I haven't seen my grandson in awhile, would you mind if I paid you guys a visit?"

"I would love it, what day works for you?"

"How about now? I'm right around the corner."

"Oh," Olivia responded a bit taken off guard. "Well he's actually sleeping right now."

"Can I come over and talk to you anyway? It's kind of important," Don said in a way that concerned Olivia.

"Sure. You know you are welcome to come over anytime. I'll see you soon."

He made it to the house within five minutes and was knocking on the door.

"Hey Don come on in," she said as she reached out to hug him.

"Hey Olivia. Little guy is still sleeping?" Don asked looking over all of the toys on the floor.

"Oh yeah we had quite the day. The zoo, the park, played here a bit as you can see from the mess everywhere," Olivia said looking around at the floor as well.

"Well I'll catch him soon."

"Absolutely."

They just stood for a bit and she could tell Don had something on his mind so she decided to help him relax to get it out. She had worked with him long enough to know when something was going on.

"Well have a seat, would you like something to drink?"

"Just water will be fine."

"Ok water coming right up," she said as she headed to the kitchen.

"Congratulations on the Jesse Minor case. That's a big catch Olivia. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you that means a lot. I'm so glad to have that out of the way," she said as she handed him a glass and sat down on the couch with him.

"I hear your former partner was involved too," Don said cautiously watching her reaction.

_And there it is_, she thought to herself. That's why he wanted to come over. Whether he wanted to or not, Don always ended up in the middle of her and Elliot drama. She could never tell who he thought was more in the wrong or right because he played it like a typical dad. Scolding when he needed to and getting frustrated when it was evident they were covering for each other.

"Yes he was. Lizzie was the star witness so he got involved that way," she said.

"Yeah I know," he said nervously rubbing his hands together.

"So I guess word still travels around cop circles as fast as it ever did."

She was slightly annoyed that her and Elliot were the topic of so many conversations.

"I didn't get it from cop circles. He told me."

"You talked to him?"

"We have kept in touch over the past year or so."

Olivia was completely taken off guard. Don never mentioned that he and Elliot talked when he was at the precinct. He hadn't been gone that long which meant that he was talking to Elliot when he was still her boss and saw her everyday. She didn't know how to feel. Seeing her wheels turn he began to explain himself.

"He reached out to me when some things happened in his life and I was there for him. I didn't tell you because you had your own stuff going on with Lewis and I would not let Elliot's issues be a distraction for you. I knew you would've wanted to get involved and reach out and it wasn't the right time…for either of you."

She wanted to be angry at him but the truth is he was right. She would've wanted to talk to him and would've somehow got herself entangled in it all.

"So you knew he worked for the feds and that he and Kathy got divorced?" she asked as she got up to walk around. She was finding it hard to stay still.

"Yes I know all about that. I know everything."

"There's more?"

"Yes, there's a lot more."

She stood there staring at him willing him to talk more but he didn't.

"Olivia that's why I came over here. I know that you guys haven't talked yet and I know mentally you have probably already thought over your approach and what questions you are going to ask and what order you are going to ask them," he said. She avoided his eyes because he was right. He knew her so well. "Yeah I figured. I wanted to just tell you before you talked to him to just let him talk. There's a story Olivia. A long story. But if you bombard him with questions or come at him defensive in any way you may not get the full story and you deserve that. You deserve to hear it…from him," he added to let her know that he was not willing to divulge any of the information.

"So clearly you aren't going to tell me anything. Can you at least tell me if you understand why he stayed away? Why he didn't call me when I was going through one of the most horrific things in my life?"

"Yes. I understand and I think his staying away was warranted. But again it's his story to tell. Elliot has never been the best with his emotions or expressing himself which you already know but he has actually gotten better. He's changed Liv, for the better."

"I could tell something was different about him," she said softly.

He got up to stand in front of her and put his hands on her shoulder.

"Talk TO him, not AT him. You guys can be very difficult when you are not on the same page and lose all communication in the process. I know it's important to both of you to be in each other's lives but in order for that to happen the right way you both have to listen. Just listen and take it all in," he said and pulled her into a hug when he noticed the tears forming in her eyes.

"I hate the thought of him going through anything terrible. I love him," she said as she hugged him back.

"I know you do. And not just as a partner or a friend," he said with a small knowing smile. "But that's a conversation for a different day."

She just smiled in acknowledgment and wiped the tears from her face. As if on cue Noah started to cry.

"Oh let me go get him," Olivia said while trying to regain her composure.

"No please let me."

She overheard him cooing at Noah and eventually brought him to the kitchen where she met him to give him a bottle.

"Ill sit with him. I think you have a call to make," he said as he took the bottle and went back with Noah into his nursery.

She sat for a few moments before picking up her phone to call Elliot. She was worried that he wouldn't answer but he picked up right before it went to voicemail.

"Hey, hey Olivia," he answered nervously.

"Hey," she said. She was caught off guard by his nervousness so it kicked hers up a notch.

"Are you available to talk?" she asked.

"Yeah but not on the phone remember?"

"I know. I meant I was going to come over…if that's ok."

"No, that's fine. Lizzie is actually gathering up the rest of her things and getting ready to head to Kathy's. She's going to stay there for a few days until her new apartment is ready so I'm free."

"Ok, how does an hour sound?"

"It sounds good. I'll see you then Liv."

When she hung up the phone she stared off into space for a few minutes trying to steady herself and her thoughts.

"He's already back to sleep," Don said as he interrupted her reverie.

"Yeah I figured he would go back down. I need to call Lucy to come over," she said.

"You go ahead and get ready and then head out. Ill stay here and wait for her," he offered.

"Thank you Don. For everything."

"Anytime Liv. "

XXXXXXX

"That was Olivia?" Lizzie asked while she was coming out of the guest bedroom with all of her bags.

"Yeah. She's on her way. "

"Are you guys finally going to talk?" she asked excited and putting her bags down so she can face him.

"Yeah it looks like it," he replied somberly.

"Dad. Please be honest with her about everything. I know you don't like talking about everything but she needs to know..everything. The divorce, you being in therapy and about Kathleen."

"I know. It's just hard to keep reliving."

"I know it is. You don't talk about it much and I get it. But you need to talk about it with her. If anyone can help you with healing from losing Kathleen its Olivia."

"Yeah maybe. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you feel like I never wanted to be home with you kids because of Olivia?"

"I did at one point but it finally started to make sense to me as I got older. I don't think it was us specifically I think you just felt unhappy at home. I know that you wanted to be with her but you had a sense of commitment to your family and that's honorable. But…," she said looking down feeling a little uncomfortable.

"But what? Honey you can tell me," he said urging her on.

"I think you didn't realize that maybe it would've been better sometimes if you just didn't come home. Not because we didn't want you there but because you being unhappy left so much tension in the house and made us all unhappy. "

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you guys through that."

"I know you didn't. It was just hard for all of us. And when Kathleen died it just all hit its peak. We were glad that you and mom actually went through with the divorce because it was the first time in a long time that no one was pretending."

"Wow that bad hunh?"

"Yeah. That bad. But we are all better now. I think this is the best we've all been in awhile. You just have to make it right with Olivia. You have to. You love her. It's time for you to tell her that," Lizzie said pleading with her dad.

"Ok."

"I love you Dad," Lizzie said hugging Elliot. "I want you to be happy. She makes you happy,"

"I love you too honey, more than you will ever know."

With that she headed out and Elliot paced back and forth waiting for Olivia to arrive. He stared at the fire in the fireplace and thought through everything. The last four years had been a painful whirlwind. He could only thank God that he managed to come out on the other side but reliving all of it at once was hard. He had to talk about it in therapy and that was hard enough. He knew it was time to put all his cards on the table and if there was anyone worth it she was.

He loved her but he didn't know if she was open to being more than friends. However, he knew he would take anything she was willing to offer him. He was good with friendship, anything as long as he could continue to be in her life. Having a piece of her was better than having none of her.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. He took a deep breath and walked to the door. He opened it and there she was, looking as beautiful as ever.

"Hey," she said with her deep brown eyes penetrating his.

"Hey."

XXXXX

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. Keep them coming please! I hope you guys are still enjoying the story. I had to hurry up and end the investigation because I wanted to get to the story of Elliot and Olivia which is why we are all here after all J It's finally time for them to talk. The whole story surrounding Kathleen will be revealed in the next chapter.


	8. You Wanted to talkso talk

**A/N: Happy Easter! Ok, here it is. The conversation. There is a lot of dialogue in this chapter because we get the full story of what Elliot went through. Hope you enjoy and as always please review! Would love to know what you all think.**

Chapter 9: You wanted to talk..so talk

Elliot stood in the doorway staring at her still in shock that she was standing before him. She had on a long t-shirt and leggings with her hair down, the most casual he had seen her in years and he couldn't have thought she looked more beautiful.

"Umm. Can I come in?" Olivia asked noticing that he was standing in the doorway.

"Oh yeah sure come on in. Sorry about that."

As she walked in he tried to take a few calming breaths to steady himself. There was a lot of ground to cover and he needed to stop his mind from racing so he could get out everything he needed to say.

Olivia was humbled by his nervousness. This was definitely not the hot headed, sometimes arrogant Elliot Stabler that she was used to and that made the situation easier to handle.

"Uhh please sit down," he said motioning towards the couch. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No. I'm ok," she sat down tentatively as she tried to take in the apartment without making it obvious that she was staring.

_This is where he lives_, she thought to herself. It was much better than the apartment he got when he and Kathy separated the first time. This one looked more like home and not like he was just using it as a place to sleep in between being at work.

"Ok." He sat down beside her and instinctively started rubbing his palms against his sweat pants because they were sweating. He was dressed casual as well and Olivia took a moment to appreciate how muscular he still was in his thin t-shirt and the way his pants hung off his hips. She shook her head to snap herself out of it and keep focused on the matter at hand.

"How are you?" he asked casually.

"I'm fine. Sorry to bother you so late but I figured now was as good a time as any."

"No I'm usually up pretty late anyway and it's only 8:30 so we are good."

"Ok…You wanted to talk so talk." Olivia said it with a small smile to let him know she didn't mean it in a bad way but she was ready to hear his story and he was clearly stalling.

"Well where do I start?"

"How about the beginning?"

He leaned back on the couch and rested his head on the back while he stared up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath before he began.

"When Jenna started shooting in the squad room my first thought was that I needed to keep you safe. When she shot Sister Peg I panicked because you weren't that far from her and she seemed to be aiming just anywhere. I couldn't let that happen," he said as he started rubbing his temples at the memory. "When it was over, I remember being relieved that you were safe but I knew after this shooting things would be different and it was. 1PP came after me hard and even though in the back of my mind I knew eventually I would be cleared, I felt like I was just tired. I was so exhausted of going through the red tape and being questioned. I was on the brink and if I were being honest I would have to say yet again that my first thought and instinct was to protect you. We had already gotten in trouble so many times for putting each other before what was "right", he said using air quotes. "I just couldn't deal. So I thought that this was the time to just let it go. Let it all go. The job had done so much to me and my family that I was just done."

Olivia had to stop herself from interjecting and asking why he didn't talk to her about all of this but she held back. He was talking and she didn't want to distract him from getting everything out.

"I know I should've talked to you but I knew that seeing you would make me want to stay and I would be staying for all of the wrong reasons. I wouldn't be staying because I had this overwhelming passion for the job or to be a cop anymore. I would be staying just for you. The guilt of that just….I didn't know what to do with it."

She shifted slightly at this revelation. It was so bare and honest. She then leaned back a little more so she could look at his face. He noticed the gesture and it reassured him to continue.

"When I decided to leave, Kathy had her suspicions as to why but I told her that I was doing it for the family. Which I was, that wasn't a lie but I guess it wasn't the total truth either. Anyway, we fought…a lot. I became even more of a miserable son of a bitch to live with than I had ever been. Shocking hunh?" he asked letting out a small chuckle and lifting his head up to gage her reaction. She just chuckled in response and didn't say anything.

"The kids starting acting out. Dickie and I were arguing all the time. Maureen started coming home less and less from school. Lizzie and Eli just stayed quiet and Kathleen….she was having issues that we didn't really notice. Kathy finally had enough and it became a warzone. She told me she refused to let me walk around our house being a miserable bastard because I was mourning another woman."

Olivia's breath hitched and Elliot paused noticing her reaction. He kept going when it was clear that she wasn't going to say anything. Her mind was racing but because he kept talking she didn't want to miss something so she tuned back into him.

"I kept trying to tell her that wasn't it but she knew even before I was ready to admit it to myself. I thought that not having you around would make it easier to focus on my family and cutting you off like you did me a few times would reset everything. You seemed to be so much better after you came from Oregon and went to Computer Crimes that I thought it would help me too. I never intended for it to go on as long as it did. Before I knew it weeks turned into months and months turned into a year. My life had become a mess. I started drinking heavily. I refused to bring you into that. So I kept telling myself I would reach out to you when things got better..but they never did. They only got worse."

He got up to get a glass of water and stopped talking. Olivia's eyes followed him and the pause gave her a chance to process everything he said. _Am I responsible for breaking up his marriage and the reason he stopped being a cop?_ The questions were so heavy and she got up and started pacing mindlessly without noticing it.

"Are you sure I can't get you something to drink?" he asked.

"Yeah do you have something a little stronger than water?" she asked with a small smile.

"Yeah."

He reached in the fridge and pulled out one of their favorite beers that they used to drink at the bars after a particularly hard case. He met her eyes as she took the beer from his hand and she silently acknowledged the gesture. They both sat down together on the couch at the same time and both put their heads on the back of the sofa after taking sips of their respective drinks. It had been a long time but they were still so much in sync.

"Before I knew it a year had passed and I went to stay at my mom's beach house for a night or two to get some distance from everything. That's when I decided to work for the feds. I needed to do something to put all my energy into. I would go home every now and then in between assignments. I was so busy dealing with my own shit that I didn't notice that Kathleen started acting more erratic. Kathy called me out on it and we decided to sit down with her and give her an intervention of sorts. She wasn't taking her meds or checking in with her therapist like she was supposed to. She refused to hear anything I had to say because of how I had been acting. She was right. How could I call her out for anything when I was being just as erratic as her and I'm not bipolar?" he asked rhetorically.

He took another drink of water and once again paused. He put his hands over his face knowing that he was about to relive something that sent him on a downward spiral.

"It had been a few months back and forth of Kathleen being on and off meds. She had good days and bad days. The therapist told us that this was normal because her diagnosis was still relatively new and she was going through a lot at home. I had gotten my own apartment by then and Kathy filed for legal separation. She called me one night frantic because Kathleen wasn't in her room and she couldn't get in touch with her. I went right over there, called up some old cop buddies to start getting the word out on her as a missing person even though it had only been a few hours. Some guys I knew that would keep everything as much under the radar as possible. We stayed by the phone for 2 days. It seemed like a week. Finally it rang." He stopped again.

Olivia noticed behind his arm that was covering his face were tears streaming down his cheek. She instinctively put her hand on his knee as a way of comforting him and trying to brace herself for whatever came next.

It took a few moments for him to regain his composure. He hadn't intended on crying in front of her but he knew he needed to bare his soul if he had any chance of rebuilding his friendship with her. Her hand on his knee gave him the will to keep going. She was comforting him and being compassionate like she always did and that was one of the things he loved most about her. He squeezed her hand and kept going.

"The phone rang, Kathy answered it. I never heard screaming like that in my life. It chilled me to the bone. I knew, I just knew."

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She squeezed his knee more and tried hard to control her own tears. She loved Kathleen. She loved all of Elliot's children. She was always amazed at how much she cared for them. As awkward as it was at times, she was interweaved in their family. Elliot heard her sniffles and began to rub her back instinctively.

"What happened El?" she asked almost in a whisper.

"While she was out roaming the streets, she was hit by a car. When we got to the hospital the doctor told us that she was in a coma and there was little chance that she would wake up. I said to myself if God wanted her gone she would be gone so I sat next to that bed and held her hand, prayed. I was so sure she was going to wake up. By the time a week passed by and there was no change and no brain activity the doctors were asking us to consider pulling the plug. I couldn't do it. I refused to deal with it. Kathy was begging me to make a decision and all I could do was run. I drove around with no destination. I ended up at your apartment building. I wanted to go in but I didn't. How selfish was that? I hadn't talked to you in a year and a half and was going to cry on your shoulder," he said with tears still streaming down his face.

"That's not selfish El. I would've helped you," she said now laying her head on his shoulder.

"I know you would've because that's who you are. But it wasn't fair to you. So I drove around for a few days, Kathy was blowing up my phone. I got drunk, had a few fights. Finally got arrested for breaking a guy's nose and Kathy came and got me out once I sobered. She made me go to the hospital and say goodbye to Kathleen. She had already made the decision to let her go but wanted me to see her one last time. So I did. We both signed the papers. After I signed, I hit the ground. I had never felt pain like that in my life Liv. It was like someone ripped my heart out. My little girl was gone. It didn't even feel real. I barely remember the funeral. I had to take a sedative just to get through it."

"Elliot…I-I'm so sorry. I loved Kathleen."

"I know you did. She loved you too. During that time we didn't talk she was always telling me to just pick up the phone and call you."

Olivia sat up off his shoulder and attempted to dry her tears. Elliot got up and stood in front of the fireplace. He tried to keep talking to make sure he got it all out.

"After the funeral, as you can imagine things only went downhill. Kathleen dying ripped what was left of the family apart. I couldn't help Kathy heal, she was left to fend for herself. The children ended up hating me especially because I wasn't there for their mom. Mostly Dickie. He and I even got into a physical altercation. Kathy finally served me with divorce papers. I didn't think twice before I signed them. I walked out and started driving again. Spent a few weeks staying in flea bag motels up the coast. Drinking, watching bad TV, walking around. I was just in a daze. I got worse and worse. Finally I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun….literally. I filled the gun with bullets. Sat on some abandoned road with a picture of my daughter and was ready to end it all. I put the gun to my head."

Olivia gasped. She had seen destructive Elliot before but never this bad. She can't believe he thought about taking his own life. What he had gone through was worse than she could have ever imagined.

"Right when I thought I had the strength to pull the trigger a state trooper pulled up. He claimed he was arresting me for trespassing but I think he was just trying to save me from myself. He saw the empty bottles, the unkept beard and could tell I was in a bad way. The gun in the car didn't help either even though I had a permit for it. It was the wake up call I needed though. I cleaned myself up, started going to therapy. I have four kids left and I want to see them grow up. Kathy and I finalized the divorce. Everything seemed to be on the right track. My therapist suggested I go to an outpatient facility in Connecticut to help treat my depression. I reluctantly agreed."

He stopped and turned around to face her. She was listening intently and her deep brown eyes were so sympathetic towards him.

"Are you sure this isn't all too much?" he asked.

"No. well yeah it's a lot but I want to hear everything El. Don't stop. Please."

"Ok. I agreed. I was in the facility and it was shortly before I was getting ready to be released. I was looking at the news when your picture flashed on the screen. I ran around trying to find a remote to turn it up and heard you had been kidnapped by a psycho rapist and had been missing for two days."

Their eyes met and he saw the hurt in her eyes. She was reliving what happened.

"Every bit of progress I made was gone in an instant. I lost it. It was happening again. Another loss and not being able to be there to protect you.. I just… I demanded to leave so I could go and find you. I called Cragen from the facility and he refused to let me get involved. By the time I could get back to New York they had found you. I parked outside your apartment building but you were already living with Brian by then and I only saw cops coming in and out I guess to collect evidence and everything."

The mention of her kidnapping had turned the tables somewhat. Now Olivia was the one left feeling vulnerable.

"I wanted to come see you, talk to you but after Cragen and I met for lunch he could tell that neither of us were ready. He was right. I hated it but he was right. He told me if I wanted to see you and be in your life I need to continue getting myself together. So I did. With my children and you as motivation, I continued therapy. I stopped drinking as much. I went back to work, started spending more time with Eli and Lizzie. Maureen came and helped me get my apartment in order. Dickie…is still a work in progress. But he and I talked recently and we are getting there. Kathy and I were even able to mend fences. She said she was proud of me..for getting help."

"She should be. I'm proud of you too. I know that's not easy for you. You hated whenever we had to go to shrinks on the job. I started seeing one too after..everything and it really helped," she added standing up to be near him.

They had a few moments of silence before Olivia took a step forward and put her arms around him to hug him. He breathed in the smell of her hair, he missed everything about her so much. He put his arms around her and returned the hug and soon they were both clutching each other tight. The gesture brought tears to both of their eyes.

"Liv, I missed you so much. I swear to God I wanted to be there for you. To protect you and to help you through everything. I hate that I wasn't there. Please forgive me. Please."

"I forgive you El," she said through tears. "I'm so sorry about Kathleen, about everything."

"Cragen and I have kept in touch. He's been helping me and good to talk to. I wanted to come to your trial but I didn't trust myself to be near Lewis. So I waited outside a few days across the street just to see if you were ok. I was always there Liv. When I couldn't be there physically, I was there with you all the time in here," he said pointing to his heart.

They hugged a little longer.

"Things are better now. Everyone is healing in their own time. When I got that call from Lizzie, my first thought was oh god here we go again."

"But she's fine. She's strong, she's so strong. She gets that from you."

"You always have a way of making things so positive."

"And you have a way of always being self deprecating," she said with a small smile jabbing him in the chest.

"What you went through and to come out on the other side, is nothing short of amazing. Give yourself credit, I do."

"Thank you."

"Thank you for being honest with me. I know it couldn't have been easy," she said as she guided them back to the couch.

"No it wasn't but easier than I thought it would be. I've learned from therapy that talking through things actually makes it easier."

"Ahh look at you quoting therapists, I've truly heard it all," she laughed. "And yes my therapist told me the same thing. They are right."

The mention of the therapist brought up the obvious. Elliot had gone through his last four years and now it was Olivia's turn. There was a lot that Elliot already knew because he had been watching her for the past year and half but he wanted to give her the opportunity to tell him about her life when she was ready.

"So you are seeing someone too?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah. I see him a little less frequently than I did after the kidnapping but I still see him nonetheless. It's comforting to talk to someone, no judgment, no opinion, just letting it all out."

"Yeah," he said hoping she would continue but when he saw her glance at the clock on her phone he knew he wouldn't be getting the story tonight.

"It's getting late, I need to get back home to..back home," she said trying not to give anything away about Noah.

"Oh. Ok," he said disappointed.

He walked her to the door and opened it but she paused.

"El. Are you sure you are ok?" she asked concerned.

"Yes. I am actually better than I have been in a long time. My daughter's safe and I got a chance to talk to you and see you again," he said touching her cheek and putting her hair behind her ear. And there again was that pull, that chemistry. They always had it. And at almost 11pm at his door to his apartment, it was there thicker than ever. He wanted to kiss her and tell her that he loved her but he knew she needed time to process everything.

She reached up and grabbed his hand that was cupping her cheek and leaned into it with her eyes closed.

"I'm sorry I have to leave. Can we get together again? Tomorrow maybe?" she asked. His eyes lit up and she smiled at the excitement in his eyes.

"I'm here whenever wherever. Call me Liv."

"I will. Goodnight El."

"Goodnight."

With that she was gone. He scooped up the empty beer bottles and wandered into the kitchen reliving the night. He should've felt this huge emotional weight reliving Kathleen's death and his suicide attempt but he didn't. He was honest with her and said everything he needed to say…well almost everything. That time would come soon. She was letting him back in her life so he didn't want to rush her.

XXXX

On the car ride home, Olivia could not have been more distracted. She replayed every part of the conversation and went through the emotions of it all over again. She shed a few more tears and before she knew it she was home.

She relieved Lucy and went in to check on Noah who was still sound asleep. After giving him a kiss on his forehead and telling him she loved him she went to her bedroom to go to sleep. She was exhausted but wired. She looked down at her phone and saw that she had a text message. It was from Elliot.

_Just wanted to make sure you got home safely-El_

She smiled at the text message and immediately responded. It was the same thing he would do when they were partners.

_Yes I'm home safe. Thanks for checking up on me. See you tomorrow. Goodnight._

_You are welcome. Goodnight._

After getting his response, Olivia went into a somewhat restless sleep dreaming of his touch and his sincere blue eyes.

XXXXX

A/N: Ok what do you think? Elliot's had it rough but it had to be rough for him to stay away from Olivia for all this time. Please review!


	9. Your Turn

Chapter 9: Your Turn

Olivia woke up earlier than she intended to. She went and sat in Noah's nursery and watched him sleep. She didn't want to wake him too early and disrupt his schedule. Sitting in his nursery and being his space had become her new place of solitude. Whenever the world got to be too much or she had something on her mind she would go and sit in the rocking chair in his room and just take everything in. Her mind immediately went to her conversation with Elliot last night. She couldn't believe it. Kathleen was dead. She hadn't wrapped her mind around that. He tried to kill himself and she's pretty sure that she was the reason he was divorced. That thought didn't set well with her at all. Although he didn't come right out and say that he loved her, it was clear from the conversation that he had romantic feelings for her.

She loved him, there was no denying that. She pushed it down for so long that she actually started to believe they were actually just partners. But the way he looked at her during those last few years of their partnership and even moreso the way he looked at her now, there was no denying that the romantic tension was still there. If it was thick back then it was suffocating now.

Even when she touched him while comforting him she felt that pull towards him that consued a lot of their partnership years ago and that's why she felt the need to separate herself from him on more than one occasion. She understood his thought process of feeling that distance would help. But another question dogged her. He kept saying that things were better and he was ok now..so why had he contacted her? If it wasn't for the murder case, they would still not be talking. She mentally kicked herself for not asking the question last night but she was so overwhelmed with everything that he revealed that she couldn't think straight enough to ask questions of her own.

Noah started to stir and she immediately jumped up to stand over his crib and greet him.

"Good morning mama's handsome boy," she cooed as he smiled. He always woke up so happy and it made Olivia's days start off on a positive note.

After getting him bathed and dressed she heard Lucy come in. She was moving a mile a minute and didn't see the text message until she was walking to the elevator and checked her phone.

_Good Morning. Look forward to seeing you later-El_

As much as she hated to admit the text had the same effect on her as his message last night. She immediately started to feel warm and fuzzy inside. As weird as everything was, it was good to have him back in her life.

_Good Morning. How did you sleep?_

_I was a little restless but for good reason._

_And what reason is that?_

_Just thinking over everything. I hope I didn't scare you away._

_I'm still responding to your texts aren't I? __J_

She smiled at herself for her snarky response as she entered the precinct. She never pegged him for much of a texter but enjoyed the banter back and forth. Unfortunately it's all she had time for lately because she hated to talk on the phone for anything other than the work calls she had to take because she hated to disturb Noah more than she had to and she was always on the move.

_Touche Miss Benson_

"What are you smiling about?" Fin asked. "Pictures of Noah?"

"Oh..no something else. So have we wrapped up all the paperwork on the Minor case?" she asked trying to change the subject.

"Yep, we even got in the paperwork from Elliot to add to yours. Here it is."

"Oh, thanks."

Fin hung in the doorway expecting her to start talking about her former partner. Everything had been so crazy he hadn't had the chance to talk to her about how she was feeling about him being back in the picture.

"So everything good?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, everything's good," she responded purposely remaining aloof.

"Liv…."

"Ok shut the door."

She sat down at her desk while Fin sat in one of her guest chairs. She took a few moments to figure out where she wanted to start.

"Well…we talked last night."

"And? Did he have an excuse for where he was all this damn time?"

"Oh yeah.. he definitely did."

She paused a little longer and took a deep breath while Fin eyed her expectantly.

"Kathleen's dead."

"WHAT!" Fin shouted.

"Shh, keep your voice down. Please don't tell anyone. Apparently the only person that knew was Cragen. They have been keeping in touch here and there."

"I had a feeling they did."

"You did?"

"It's Cragen. I wouldn't expect any different."

"I guess you are right."

"How did it happen?"

"Long story short. She wasn't taking her meds. Disappeared from home and got hit by a car. She was in a coma and they had to pull the plug after a week or so to let her go."

"Oh shit. I can't even imagine what that did to him."

"Yeah you have no idea."

"You ok?"

"Yeah it's just hard to know he went through so much and I wasn't there you know?  
"Yeah but Liv you went through a lot too baby girl and he wasn't there either."

"I know."

"How did he handle hearing about Lewis and everything?"

"We hadn't gotten that far. He had a lot of story to tell and I couldn't stay. We are supposed to talk again tonight."

"How does it feel to have him back?"

"I don't know…it's just…weird," she said cracking a small sad smile.

"I was ready to punch his face in for leaving you the way he did. Thanks for telling me. It changes things for sure."

"Yeah," Olivia responded with a small sigh.

"Hey guys we have a rape down at Mercy General. Five year old possibly the step father," Rollins said as she barreled out the door.

"Me and Amanda can handle this one boss. I'll call you if we need anything", Fin said as he got up to leave.

"Thanks Fin."

"Anytime Liv. Tell Elliot I said hi when you talk to him."

"I will."

As much as she didn't want to make the situation so clinical she had to write down her questions in her phone. She wanted to ask them and she was worried that once she got into her story she would forget.

XXXX

Elliot didn't sleep much the night before either. Much like Olivia he spent the night going through the whole conversation in his head. He felt good that he not only told her everything but that she was compassionate. He was worried about texting her and thought she may take it wrong but he was pleasantly surprised that she engaged in the banter back and forth. She felt like his old Liv. He knew that she had a lot of scars and he could tell that she was different in a lot of ways but there were some things that were still very much the same. The fact that they were able to slide back into some old routines after four years and so many changes in their lives meant a lot to him.

He left that morning and went to Eli's school for a daddy and donuts event. He never did that many of those events with the other kids when they were younger so he felt good to be able to do that with his youngest son. The way Eli's face lit up when he showed up made it worthwhile.

He figured that Olivia wouldn't want to talk at her place because it would be evident that she had Noah. Since she would be coming over he decided to head to the store and get something to cook. Cooking had been something that he picked up over the past year really out of necessity since he lived alone now. Lizzie insisted it was important and helped him learn and he was better at it than he ever thought he would be.

After picking up the groceries from the store he picked up his phone to text her again.

_Does 8pm work for you tonight?_

_I should be out of here by then so yes. I'll come by your place._

_Sounds good. See you then._

_I look forward to it._

Elliot smiled as he closed his phone. Around 7 he started to work on dinner. At 8:02 exactly she was at the door.

"Hey," she said in a low tone that showed a bit of shyness.

"Hey come on in."

She smiled and walked in the door. She stood in the walkway to his living room that had a view into his kitchen and stopped in her tracks.

"You're cooking?"

"Yeah Chicken Parmesan. I hope that's ok."

"Umm…yeah that's perfect. I figured we were just going to order in."

"Sometimes having a home cooked meal is just what the doctor ordered."

"It smells amazing."

"It should be ready in just a few minutes. Wine?"

"Sure."

Olivia sat on the barstool watching Elliot maneuver around in the kitchen in awe. As much as she noticed how things were the same with them, the sight before her showed her how much had changed. Watching the ease that he moved around the kitchen and the small smile that played on his lips as he fixed her wine, made her relax.

She decided to go for it and ask a few of her questions.

"Hey El."

"Yeah," he replied somewhat distracted.

"umm. Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

His back was still to her but he was awaiting the question. When she still hadn't asked it after a few moments he turned to her and leaned opposite her on the counter.

"What is it Liv?"

"Was..Was I the reason you got divorced?"she asked in a small voice with her eyes on the counter.

He reached across and placed his hand on her chin to force her to make eye contact with him.

"No Liv you weren't. I would've gotten divorced anyway. I don't know when or under what circumstances but it was bound to happen. We had been having problems for awhile and I think you know if it wasn't for Eli I would not have even gone back after she filed for divorce the first time."

"Ok."

"I'm serious." He came around the corner and stood in front of her as she continued to sit down. "I don't want you to think you did anything to cause any of the pain in my house. The pain came from me denying what I felt and not being able to handle a situation I put myself through."

"But the denying what you felt..that was about me right?" she asked nervously not meeting his eyes.

Elliot took a deep breath. He knew this was the moment that it was probably going to come up about how he felt.

"Yes it was," he said taking her hands. "But that's still not your fault. Like I said it wasn't just about the fact that I had feelings for you. Kathy and I fell out of love a while ago… it was even before I fell in love with you."

Olivia gasped at his words. Not knowing what to say next. His level of honesty was sobering.

"I just don't want Kathy and the kids to hate me," she said. It sounded like such a juvenile statement but she hoped he understood the deeper meaning behind her concern. If the kids hated her there would be little chance at their relationship being successful. She was getting ahead of herself because she didn't know if they would ever get to that level but she didn't want the situation with them whether it be friendship or more to be marred by any type of drama. Lord knows they had been through enough and she was not going to cause them any more pain.

"They don't hate you. Trust me. You saw how Lizzie reacted when she saw you. They all miss you being in their lives."

"What about Kathy?"

"I'm going to be honest. That I don't know. Does she hate you? No. But do I think you two will be going for walks in the park again anytime soon? Hell no," he said with a smirk and acknowledging the fact that he knew that her and Kathy had talked about him years before when Kathy asked for Olivia's help in getting him to sign the divorce papers.

"So you know about that hunh?"

"Yep."

"Do I even want to know in what context that conversation came up?"

"Probably not," he said heading back in the kitchen. "Dinner's ready. Have a seat on the couch and I'll bring everything over."

Olivia sat and removed her shoes while Elliot brought over the plates. She had just noticed that he had soft music playing in the background. She was very comfortable at his place.

"Ok. Here you go. Hope you like it. I have the pizza place on speed dial in case we need backup."

"I'm sure it's fine El."

"Ok, enough small talk. It's your turn."

"Hunh? Oh..that."

"Yeah..that. Tell me about your last few years," he said taking a bite of his food.

She took a bite of hers as well.

"Oh my god El. This is actually delicious."

"Are you stalling?" he asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"No I swear. I'm just surprised."

"Gee thanks."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. You are just busting my chops. But seriously…start talking Benson."

"Ok…umm let's see where do I start?"

"At the beginning," he said mocking her same statement she told him the night before.

"Funny. Ok well. The beginning. When Cragen brought me in the office and told me you turned in your papers, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. With everything that we had been through, I never thought about the day you wouldn't be by my side everyday. I felt like a part of me died. I went in one of the interrogation rooms and sobbed uncontrollably," she said as she took a bite of her food.

The admission changed the atmosphere in the room. Instead of the light moments they had a few seconds prior that were filled with so much promise, the atmosphere was now filled with the weight of the story that was to come. And that was just the beginning…

**A/N: Thank you thank you everyone for the reviews! I love to hear from you all. Don't worry there is more of their conversation to come. Olivia tells her story in the next chapter. Confession, my spring break ends today so the next chapter may come in a little slower than the updates I provided this weekend. Apologizing in advance!**


	10. The Last 24 Hours

Chapter 10: The Last 24 Hours

A/N: Wow your reviews have been amazing. Thanks so much! Keep them coming.

Elliot started to pick with his food but wasn't really eating anymore. Olivia kept talking in between bites. She was trying to let the food distract her so she could say everything she needed to say to him without feeling the weight and emotion of it.

"I think I finally understood how you felt when I left for those months and didn't tell you. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I still held out hope that you would come back but when Nick showed up, I knew it was over. I tried calling and you didn't answer and then I just…stopped trying."

There was a moment of silence that hung between them. Olivia looked over at him and could see he was upset. She put her hand on his knee as a small token of sentiment to let him know it was ok and hoping that he would at least continue to eat.

"I was so mean to Nick when he first came," she chuckled. "He took it like a pro though. I think Cragen prepared him. We had our battles and I respected the fact that he didn't back down. We even had a brief time that we had to separate because he didn't think I trusted him. Maybe I didn't. It was hard to trust you know? But eventually I did and he has proven himself to be a great guy and someone I can count on to have my back."

He was glad to hear she had someone who she could count on. He knew she had Fin, Cragen and Munch but when he heard that both Cragen and Munch retired he felt that it was a big job for just Fin to handle. He didn't bother to tell her that he looked in to Nick and was aware that he had a rough time of it over the past few years but he seemed to be holding it together pretty good. His loyalty to Olivia was fierce and he appreciated that.

"You seem like you have a good team," Elliot finally said.

"I do. They are good people. They have their issues for sure," she laughed "but they are great cops. I finally know why Cragen used to be so pissed with us. Trying to navigate their personal stuff with the professional has been a challenge but nothing that we didn't go through I guess. I've got Rollins, she's smart sassy, reminds me a lot of myself when I first started out. She's had some troubles with family and addiction but she's strong and she has great potential. Fin has been my rock, he's still Fin," they both laughed.

"Well that's good to know some things never change," Elliot said.

"Yeah. I think he took it hard when Munch left but he works well with the team and he's helped me mentor them. I count on him a lot."

"I'm glad you have them, all of them. I was worried."

They took a few more bites before Olivia continued.

"Things went on as normal for awhile then Cragen got in some trouble. That kind of rattled the unit. I'm sure he told you about that."

"He did," Elliot confirmed.

"The thing with Cragen was nuts. Everyone was involved, including Brian," she said shifting a little uncomfortably at the mention of his name. "Nick was under the gun, it was bad but ultimately it got all figured out."

"Good," he said simply.

"Dana came back."

"Oh wow. What was it this time?"

"Murder. A murder she committed."

"What?" Elliot asked truly stunned.

"Yeah. Scorned lover situation."

"I never pegged her as the type to get caught up in emotions."

"Yeah well. People surprise you all the time," she responded more solemn than she intended.

"Had a visit from Simon too. He named his daughter after me. Beautiful little girl but he ended up losing custody of her. We still talk every now and then. He's trying to put his life back together. I can appreciate that."

"Ill take these to the kitchen." She gathered the dishes before Elliot could object just to give herself a moment to reset before she moved on to what she knew would be the heaviest.

"More wine?"

"I'm good thanks," he said. Ever since drowning his sorrows in alcohol over the past few years he made a point to only drink in moderation.

She sat back on the couch and blew out a deep breath she didn't realize she was even holding in. Elliot read her body language and put together the timeline of when everything happened and figured the topic of Lewis was coming up. He braced himself for what was to come.

"Everything was pretty same ole same ole the rest of the year until… Rollins came in on a hunch of some perv that she found in the park. She had a feeling that there was something up with him. At first we all thought she was pushing it but I know how that gut instinct feels and so did Cragen. He let her pursue it and come to find out she was right. She was so right. It was Lewis," she said. Her breath caught a little bit as she said his name.

"After he got off for a crime that he clearly committed he was in my apartment. I walked in, I heard something and it just all happened so fast." Her hand tensed around her wine glass.

"Liv, there was nothing you could have done. You didn't know this guy would be coming after you."

"I should've pulled my gun El. I've gone over this over and over again with my therapist and I don't want to blame myself anymore but I thought it was Brian so I didn't think to grab my gun. I froze. Anyway, he grabbed me and they found me four days later but not before he killed his girlfriend's dad, raped her mom and killed a cop."

She said drinking the rest of the wine in the glass. Elliot couldn't help himself that he wanted to know more but he didn't want to push her for the details.

"The trial was…one of the hardest things I ever had to do. He represented himself like the piece of crap that he is just so he would have the opportunity to badger me on the stand. I got hammered because I let a woman and her little girl go because they were illegal and I didn't want Immigration to get their hands on them. Either way he got convicted and went off to jail or at least I thought. He went to a mental institution and escaped. Of course he came right for me after raping two people, killing a doctor and kidnapping a little girl."

She got up to pace back and forth a little bit as she talked. Talking about Lewis had her adrenaline pumping and she couldn't keep still. While she moved around and gave a vague version of what happened when her and Lewis stood off one last time Elliot had begun to zone out. He knew she was leaving out all the details for his benefit but even hearing a little bit of it was enough to send him over the edge. He was trying to remain calm but the veins in his head were bulging and he was finding it hard to reign himself in. As hard as it was to hear, he didn't want to hear half the story. He wanted to hear all of it but he didn't want to push her.

"Elliot? Are you still with me?"

"Yeah," he said in a hoarse voice.

Olivia struggled with whether she should go forward with the story. She could feel herself losing him and she didn't want to risk making him too upset. However, she knew him well enough to know that there was more to why he was zoning out.

"Are you sure?"

"Liv, I have to tell you something and I hope you aren't mad at me. I swear to God I didn't mean any harm."

"What?"

He got off the couch and stood in front of her.

"I had the feds give me a copy of your case file."

Olivia was stunned and pissed.

"You did what?!"

"I didn't look at it though"

"You didn't?" Olivia asked confused. "Why not?"

"Because. I wasn't in a place emotionally where I could read it. I thought I was but…I had the file in front of me and couldn't bring myself to open it. It was right before your trial and I swear to God I would've killed him. I didn't know the details but all I needed to know was that he had you and if he would've been within 10 feet of me I would have killed him with my bare hands." He was clinching his fists and his self-control was slipping.

She reached forward, grabbed his hands, freed them from being fists and placed her hands in his. "I know you would've. It's ok El," she said softly trying to calm him down in the way she always did when they were partners when he was upset.

They locked eyes and she could see his blue eyes slowly losing intensity and softening up.

"I also didn't read it because I said if I ever knew what happened, I wanted to hear it from you, not anyone else and not from reading a file."

"Thank you. I just…I don't know how helpful going through every detail of what happened will be for either for us."

"I know."

"But you want to know don't you?"

"I just need to know…did..did he?" Elliot looked down from her stare and couldn't bring himself to say the words.

"No. He didn't rape me. He was about to when the lady and her little girl came to the door but he didn't."

Without thinking and out of relief he immediately reached out for her and pulled her into a hug. She didn't expect it and the force almost knocked her off her feet. She immediately returned the hug. This was the first time she had hugged him since Sonya was killed four years ago.

"I'm sorry," he said stepping back out of the hug. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's ok."

"How long were you away from work?"

"Two months. I had some injuries that had to heal, physically and mentally." She didn't go into detail about the extent of her injuries, the burns, her broken arm, the bruised ribs and mild concussion. She could tell he wanted to ask but didn't push it. "I almost lost everything because of him."

"How so?"

"I lied Elliot. On the stand. I said that when I beat him it was self defense but it wasn't. I beat him while he was tied to a bed. He made me go on TV and say I committed perjury or he would kill the little girl he had hostage. My case went to a grand jury and I was almost indicted. I lost my post as CO for a while, it was a nightmare. It was like victimizing me all over again. As if burning, beating and almost raping me wasn't enough he had to take my job, the only real thing I had left."

Olivia hadn't realized she slipped and said more than she meant to about her injuries until she saw him tense and walk away from her.

"He burned you?" he asked agitated.

"Yeah he did." Tears were starting to form in her eyes but she blinked them away.

He went to sit in a chair opposite her and buried his head in his hands. He was starting to lose it again.

"He taunted me about you when he held me captive."

The revelation caused his head to shoot up in response.

"What do you mean?"

"He said he knew there was one person that I wanted to see one more time. He knew it wasn't Brian. He said he knew I had feelings for you. He even brought it up again at trial. I must've let something show on my face but the only person I could think about in that moment was you," she confessed as one tear slipped down her face.

Elliot jumped up and went over to hug her.

"I'm so sorry Liv. I'm so sorry."

She wanted to talk and tell him that she knows now it wasn't his fault that he had to stay away and that it was ok but the tears got caught in her throat and she couldn't say anything. This time when he hugged her he didn't let go. He kept saying over and over how sorry he was as she cried softly into his shoulder. He rubbed her hair and her back as she let it all out.

Olivia thought back to being chained to that bed and thinking she was going to die and never see Elliot again. That memory made being in his arms all the more powerful for her. Once he felt her tears stop, he slowly released her and guided her back to the couch.

"Sorry I didn't mean for that to happen."  
"Don't you ever apologize for that. That sick bastard deserved everything he got. I know you are such a good person that it kills you to know you lied on the stand but so you know, whether he was chained to that bed or not it was still self defense."

"I don't want to dwell on him. One day maybe I can fill in some details but…"

"It's ok. Don't rush yourself. You told me what I most needed to know."

"Well anywho," she said as she regained her composure. "I spent time after that just trying to heal among other things. Brian and I broke up. We just didn't want the same things," she said. Elliot figured that involved a family. He never figured Cassidy for a family guy.

"There was a prostitute involved her name was Ellie Porter. She was going to testify in our case for us and ended up being raped and murdered. She left behind a little boy. He didn't have any other family and I was concerned about what would happen to him so I was going to all of his custody hearings. At the last hearing the judge said I was the only person that took any interest in the child and offered me the opportunity to foster him for a year and then file for adoption," she said with a huge smile. "I'm a mom El."

They hugged again this time briefly. It was clear from the quick turn from tears of sorrow to tears of joy that this little boy was what healed Olivia and he couldn't have been more happy for her.

"Liv..that is fantastic. That explains why you keep meeting over here and not wanting me to come to your place hunh?"

"Yeah. I wanted to tell you first not just see the abundance of toys on my floor and put 2 and 2 together."

"Understood. So tell me about him."

"Oh he's amazing. His name is Noah. He's 17 months. He's beautiful and smart and so calm. Loves to play, which is why there are toys on my floor. Not a fan of naps. He's had a few health problems but he's a fighter. He's such a fighter."

"So are you. He must get that from you."

She smiled acknowledging the compliment.

He put his hands on hers in her lap and rubbed them as she continued. Her eyes were lit up like Christmas morning talking about Noah and she talked a little about Lucy her babysitter and how flexible and great she's been with her work schedule.

"He sounds like such a great kid. I would love to meet him one day soon." He threw it out nervously not sure how it would be received.

"I would like that. Very much."

Olivia went on to fill Elliot in on more details surrounding the adoption process and how she was filing the papers.

"Everything should be finalized soon."

"That's great to hear. I always told you that you would be a great mom. I know it was touch and go there for awhile but I always knew it would work out for you one way or another. You deserve to be a mother. Noah is a lucky little boy."

"No I'm the lucky one. When everything happened with you leaving, Lewis, the cases, the trial, almost losing my job…I don't know. It made me jaded. Everything just seemed so dark. Life, everything. I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing anymore. But when the judge took a chance on me and asked me about being his mother and I was standing at the bottom of those stairs at the orphanage waiting for him to come down, I felt hopeful again. When I held him in my arms and rocked him in the chair the first night, it was the first time in a long time that I felt like anything was possible. And not just anything negative or dark, but that joy can be around any corner at any time." She looked at him when she made the last statement.

"I'm glad you're back Elliot," she said pulling him into a hug.

"Me too." He kissed her on the forehead.

They sat for a few moments in silence before Elliot spoke up.

"So Brian hunh?"

She smiled at the question. She knew it was coming. Elliot was never a fan of Cassidy or anyone she seemed interested in.

"Yep Brian."

"And why again may I ask?" he asked smiling to let her know he was teasing her.

"He really had changed Elliot."

"Yeah but you guys still broke up. Why?"

"I told you we wanted different things."

"Let me guess. He didn't want a family?"

"Shortly before we broke up I thought I was pregnant. I was nervous and excited at the prospect. I ended up not being pregnant and he couldn't have been more excited about it. We just never got back on the same page after that."

It stung him to hear of her possibly being pregnant for another man but he tried his best not to show his disgust. She had every right to move on while he was gone but it was still hard to hear about.

"Can I make another confession?"

"Oh geez here we go. What did you do now?"

"I knew about Noah."

Olivia went back and forth deciding whether or not be mad but there was honestly no point.

"Of course you did. How? Your friends at the feds pull some more files for you?"

"No. Well not at first. I told you I was hanging outside the trial but also I was really worried about you so I would pass by your apartment from time to time. To check on you and see how you were."

"So you came to see me but not _see _me," she said a little hurt.

"I told you Liv. I wasn't ready yet. I wanted to have myself together."

"You seem fine now. You said things were ok but if it hadn't been for Lizzie's case we wouldn't even be talking. Would we?"

"Right this second, probably not. But I was going to come for you Liv. I promise. Do you believe me?"

"Yeah. I guess I do."

Olivia went to pour another glass of wine. She was feeling more relaxed now and was glad that the hard part of the conversation was over…at least for now.

"So, what did you find out about Noah in the file?"

"Well I didn't find out much. Once again I wanted to hear most of it from you directly. I didn't ask for it until I found out his name."

"What about his name?"

"I don't know I heard Porter as the last name and got a little concerned," he said with a cautious smirk.

It took her a moment before realization dawned on her. They both started laughing. It was another change of emotion in the conversation. But laughing together felt so good for both of them.

"You are ridiculous you know that, you are still on that Dean thing?! After all these years?" she asked still smiling at his obvious jealousy.

"I don't know I heard Porter and I thought maybe while I was out of the picture you guys reunited or something."

"No, ok. If it makes you feel better I have not talked to Dean since that case he betrayed us on."

"Well thank you. It actually does make me feel better."

"You are really ridiculous you know that?"

"Yep I do," he paused briefly and reached out to touch her hand again. "I love you Olivia. I'm sorry for so many things and the fact that I couldn't be there with you when you needed me the most but if you will let me, I will never leave you again."

Olivia whether she wanted to admit it or not had always hoped in the back of her head that Elliot felt the same way about her that she felt. Hearing his words were surreal. She wanted to say it back but she was reluctant. In the last 24 hours so much had been shared between the two of them and she barely had the opportunity to process everything.

He sensed her reluctance to respond.

"El-I"

"It's ok Liv. I didn't say that for you to say it back to me. It was something I needed to say..that I should've said a long time ago."

Since she couldn't think of what to say, she reached up to hug him. "Thank you for understanding."

"Anytime."

"It's getting late, I should go."

"Ok. Ill walk you out." They walked to the door in silence. "Thanks Liv for telling me everything. I know it couldn't have been easy."

"Right back at ya Stabler. Good night."

XXXX

When Olivia got back home she went straight to Noah's nursery. Instead of sleeping in her room, she decided to sleep on the day bed in there. She needed clarity and peace in order to think through everything with Elliot and his nursery was the best place to be. Plus, she loved to watch him sleep.

She was only settled on the bed for a few minutes when she heard the text message come through on her phone. She hurried and switched the side button to vibrate so she wouldn't wake Noah. She smiled as she knew who the text was from before she even read it.

_Home safe?_

_Yes, was just getting into bed. Thank you for checking._

_Of course. Good night. Hope to talk to you again soon._

_Good night._

She cuddled under her blanket and watched Noah breathe in and out in a peaceful sleep. She started to think over everything. _He is in love with me_ she thought to herself. It was unbelievable in a lot of ways. She was in love with him too but there were so many other factors to consider. They both had children to think of now and in his case an ex-wife. It wasn't as simple as it should be, but none of her relationships ever were. She decided to take a leap of faith and texted him again.

_What do you have planned for tomorrow? Noah and I would like to have you over for dinner if you aren't busy._

_Just let me know what time. I will be there._

_7?_

_See you at 7. Should I bring anything?_

_Just you._

A/N: Reviews please! Are you still enjoying the story?


	11. Meeting Baby Noah

Chapter 11: Meeting Baby Noah

Elliot put the phone down after Olivia's last text and smiled to himself. He was surprised at the invitation, thinking that maybe she was feeling a little weirded out after he told her he was in love with her. He wanted to be hurt that she didn't say it back but at this point he was just happy that she had forgiven him and was willing to spend time with him. Ultimately, he just wanted to be in her life. He started to think about the fact that maybe he was too late. Regardless of the reasons why it had still been four years and she had gone through so much.

In some ways she seemed like a different person. If she had her guard up before it was going to be like breaking in to Fort Knox to get through to her now. Then he had to think about the other side. What if she just didn't see him like that? All this time he assumed that she felt the same way. There was always this unspoken sexual tension between them and she didn't seem too happy when he said he was going back to Kathy. He tossed and turned the night before he knew he had to tell her about the reconciliation and even worse when he had to tell her about Eli.

_"Shit,"_ he said to himself as he got off the couch and picked up all the dishes and pots from their dinner. He was driving himself crazy going back and forth about the night. He suddenly felt like one of his daughters when he would overhear them on the phone with their friends going on and on about whether a boy liked them.

He smiled to himself thinking about how happy she was talking about her son and he was both nervous and excited at the thought of meeting him. They shared laughs and he'd seen glimpses of her being happy over the years but it was nothing compared to the glow she had when she talked about Noah. She deserved every bit of happiness after especially after what happened with Lewis.

His phone rang interrupting his thoughts. It was Kathy.

"Hey Kath. Everything ok?" he asked. He was concerned because it was pretty late.

"Yeah I was just calling to see if you can pick up Eli tomorrow."

"Sure, what time?"

"After school and I need you to keep him until about 8 or so."

"Oh..umm yeah that's fine," Elliot said remembering he was supposed to meet Olivia at 7.

"Are you sure? You sound like you have something else going on."

"It's fine. Ill get him. I'll just push my plans back."

"Oh. Well thanks." Kathy hung on the phone a little perplexed as to what Elliot could have to do. He said plans which means it wasn't work and he didn't do anything lately but work or just hang with the kids.

"Was there something else?" Elliot asked noticed she was just holding the phone.

"Nothing. It's none of my business. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks again."

And with that she was gone. He figured Kathy was probably curious if he talked to Olivia or if his plans included her. She knew Olivia was back in the picture and as much as she wanted Elliot to just tell her how he felt, the thought of her fears and jealousies about their relationship being realized still hurt. It wasn't a deep hurt but a hurt nonetheless.

While lying in bed trying to sleep, Elliot's mind shifted to what she said about Lewis. He didn't know why he was putting himself through the anguish of thinking about what she went through. He promised when he got the files that he wouldn't read them and only listen to her version of what happened but he was tempted more than ever to read the file now. He hadn't seen any physical signs of the assault on her, he made sure to look as much as he could without being so obvious. To hear that she was burned turned his stomach. If he wasn't easily able to see the burns then that meant that they were in more intimate places and the thought made him queasy. He was suddenly back up and pacing back and forth in his apartment. He needed to call someone, anyone.

He had worked so hard on controlling his rage issues since Kathleen died but this was eating away at his core. He should've been there. He swore to her he would never leave her and that she and SVU were all he had left and he didn't want to wreck that but that's exactly what he did.

He found his way back to his chair in the living room and tried to take slow deep breaths and think of something positive and peaceful. He remembered thinking this was such a stupid thing to do when he first start therapy. The first couple of times he tried it didn't work and it just made him more frustrated. Eventually it started to work and what he thought about that caused him to calm down was always her. Thinking about their past times together or even imagining what her life was like. In this instance, he did the same thing. He thought about how it was to be in her space again talking like they used to and just hanging out. He thought about her smile and even them laughing at his Dean Porter jealousy. And he finally he thought about how it felt again to touch her and hold her.

They didn't hug much throughout their time as partner, a few standing out more than others like after Kathy had Eli and after Sonya was killed. Both times he held on for dear life as both were times he could have lost her and had to face the possibility of life without her. Tonight they hugged more times than they had in their 12-year partnership. She felt so good in his arms and there was hardly any unease despite how long they had been apart. Their text messages even brought a smile to his face.

Elliot's breathing and heart rate eventually returned to normal and he was able to pull himself back into the bedroom and get ready for bed. As he lay trying to drift to sleep he let images of Olivia happy with her son flash through his head and thoughts of seeing them both tomorrow. He silently thanked God for her forgiving him and allowing them to manage some sort of friendship. He didn't know what the future held but for now just getting the chance to be in her good graces was enough for him. He drifted off into a peaceful sleep hopeful and ready for whatever was to come next.

XXXXX

Olivia's alarm went off promptly at 6am and caused Noah to stir. She normally liked to let him sleep in so she could take a shower and get dressed before tending to him. Luckily he went back to sleep and she tiptoed into her bathroom and began to get ready for the day.

While she showered she thought again of her night with Elliot. She was so nervous about telling him about her last few years. Subconsciously she began to rub the scars on her breast as she thought about all that she revealed to him the night before. The conversation about Lewis was the worst part and she kicked herself for revealing more details than she planned to considering she wasn't sure how he was dealing with everything. He said he was doing okay and she could tell some things were changed but he was known to rage at any time before. She wasn't so sure that now would be any different. He hadn't been back in her life for that long and although she knew he had changed somewhat, she didn't want to do anything that would trigger him especially because she could see how hard he worked to put his life back together.

He told her he loved her. She kept playing the words in her head over and over again. She didn't know how to feel about it. It instantly brought a smile to her face when she thought about it last night and invited him to dinner tonight with Noah. But today in the light of day she wasn't sure what to think. It took her awhile to admit that she was in love with the Elliot she once knew when they were partners. She wasn't happy when he went back to Kathy and was always disappointed that he didn't make a move when he was separated. He told her after the Gitano case that her and the job was all he had left and he didn't want to wreck that. She took that at the time to mean he would never cross the line with her so she sat back silently while he went back to Kathy and had another baby. She even delivered the baby, the whole time hiding how she really felt about him. The first time she admitted it out loud was last year when she was interrogating a female cop who was covering up a rape for her partner who she was in love with.

Olivia didn't realize how long she had been in the shower with reflections of last night until her water turned cold and she heard the baby crying.

"Good Morning sweet boy. Mama's here, it's ok," she said as she soothed a crying Noah. He immediately calmed down in her embrace. She walked him to the kitchen and began to make his breakfast. While the little boy ate, she started to think about what she could make for dinner with Elliot tonight. She didn't cook often but after he cooked for her last night she thought it would be wrong to make him eat take out tonight. She sighed when she realized there wasn't much in the fridge and she knew with work she would have no time to shop, she barely thought she would have time to cook.

Lucy was coming in the door as Olivia slouched against the counter.

"Good Morning Olivia and Good Morning Noah," she said as she set down her purse and coat.

"Good Morning Lucy," Olivia responded sounding exasperated.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing just realized that I don't have any food and I was supposed to be making dinner tonight for a friend."

"Like a date?" Lucy asked and her eyes lit up. She often worried about Olivia because all she did was work and never seemed to have time for anyone special.

"Uhh, well not really just an old friend," Olivia said and walked away not meeting Lucy's eyes.

"Well Noah and I were going to go to the park today. How about I pick up some groceries while I'm out."

"No sweetie I appreciate the offer but you don't have to do that."

"It would be my pleasure. I need to pick up a few things for Noah anyway. Just text me what you want to cook and Ill take care of it. What time is he coming over?"

"7. Thanks so much Lucy. I'm going to be late if I don't hurry. Let me go get dressed and head out."

Elliot texted her that morning to tell her that he had to push dinner back to closer to 8:30. Olivia was actually grateful that the time was pushed back a little because it gave her time to get herself together a bit more and actually cook a decent meal. She decided on steak which was always a favorite of Elliot's. She left the precinct at about 6 a little earlier than she normally does and went home to prepare. Lucy was nice enough to leave everything out for her that she would need and she got everything ready as quickly as she could. Lucy left and smirked a bit at Olivia's obvious nervousness, which confirmed that it wasn't just an old friend. She made a mental note to knock before just coming in the apartment with her key in the morning.

While the steak was cooking, she took Noah to get him cleaned up and ready.

"Ok Noah, we are going to have Mommy's friend Elliot over for dinner tonight. He's really excited to meet you," she said as she changed his diaper and put him in his pajamas. Because Elliot pushed the dinner back, Noah was only going to be up for a short time because his bed time was usually around 8:30. She fed him and let him play with toys in her room while she got ready.

She mentally inventoried her closet while at work all day and could only come up with one black dress that wasn't overly formal or overly casual. She washed up, changed and tried to make her hair and make up look good without looking like she put in too much effort.

_Ugh. I'm being ridiculous, _she said to herself as she fussed over her hair for the tenth time in the mirror.

At 8:19pm her doorbell rang.

_Shit he's early,_ she cursed out loud. The baby was content playing on her bed while drinking some juice. She picked him up and put him in his highchair,

Olivia took a deep breath and fixed her dress one more time before she opened the door.

"Hey there, you're early," she said with a nervous smile on her face.

"Hey," Elliot replied nervously as he eyed her from head to toe taking in how great she looked in the dress. "You look great."

"Thanks come on in. You look pretty good yourself." Elliot wore black slacks and a dark blue button down long sleeve shirt that fit snug against his muscular frame. "Thanks. This is my special meeting baby Noah outfit. Here I brought you a bottle of wine and a gift for the little guy."

Right on cue, Noah began babbling from his seat. Olivia walked over to him and picked him up. She was beaming as she held him in her arms.

"Noah this is my friend Elliot that Mommy told you about. Elliot this is my son Noah," she said as she was bouncing him up and down.

"Hi little guy. I'm Elliot. I'm really happy to meet you. I brought you something you may like." Noah looked back and forth between Elliot and his mom as if he wasn't quite sure how to react. He was a little indifferent with people he just met.

"It's a set of blocks similar to the ones I got Eli when he was little. He would play with those things for hours."

"Excellent choice. He loves blocks. Look Noah, look at the present."

She set him down while Elliot took the blocks out of the bag. They all kneeled down on the floor while Elliot sorted the blocks. Noah looked on in anticipation as everything was taken out. When Elliot started to put the blocks on top of each other he immediately perked up and started clapping his hands together making them both smile.

"Block mama," Noah said pointing and grabbing one of the blocks from Elliot.

"I see the blocks," she said helping him to put another block on top of another. Elliot sat back and took in the scene. Hearing Noah call Olivia mom released all of the nervous tension he had. He couldn't be happier for her and as he always suspected, she was a natural as a mother. He could tell how much the little boy adored her.

The kitchen timer went off signaling dinner was ready.

"Oh let me grab that," Olivia said getting up taking Noah with her. He began to wiggle and protest not wanting to leave his blocks.

"It's ok, you go check on that I will stay down here with him," Elliot said giving her a reassuring smile.

While Olivia was in the kitchen getting the steaks out of the oven and fixing the plates Elliot whispered to Noah. "You know what Noah. You have the best mommy in the whole world. You are one lucky little boy." He reached up and rubbed the little boy's hair as he continued to play with his blocks.

"Ok dinner is ready. Glass of wine?"

"Absolutely."

She placed the plates on her coffee table along with the glasses of wine and the bottle while Elliot collected himself off the floor.

"You cooked?!" he asked with a surprised smirk on his face.

"Well some things have changed Stabler," she deadpanned.

"Clearly. I was expecting Chinese takeout," he countered.

"Funny," she smirked at him, "Ok little guy tell Elliot good night. It's bedtime."

Noah whined a little when she picked him up from his blocks but started to rub his eyes and yawn so she knew he was definitely tired and would be sleeping in no time.

"Good night little man. It was nice to meet you."

"Night," Noah said and laid his head on his mom's shoulders.

Elliot collected the blocks and put them in the little boy's toy box. He heard Olivia talking to Noah and walked over to the room to watch.

He watched as she rubbed his hair and back as he easily drifted to sleep. He had seen her be so good with victims and with children but seeing her with her own child brought on another level of admiration for her that he didn't know was possible. She was right. Although a lot of things were the same, there was a lot that changed. Her life was nothing like it was four years ago and he hoped that he still fit into it.

"I love you. Sleep tight," he heard her say to Noah as she walked towards the door to shut it softly.

"He was exhausted he went straight to sleep. Thanks for the blocks. He really liked them," she said while they walked back over to the food on the coffee table.

"You're welcome. He really is beautiful Liv. Thanks for letting me meet him."

" Of course. I'm glad you got to meet him."

They both took a sip of wine and sat for a second in silence before Elliot spoke up.

"So..it's just me and you now," he said as he lifted his wine glass to toast her.

"Looks like it. Cheers."

XXXXX

**A/N: **This dinner is far from over. Sorry I have to split it up but I wanted to give you all a glimpse into their mindsets heading into the dinner. There was a lot to process from Olivia's conversation. Thanks again for all of the reviews, they are much appreciated. Please let me know what you think so far.


	12. So What Now?

Elliot and Olivia settled into comfortable conversation. He talked a little more about his work with the Feds and what all of the kids were up to. Olivia was excited to hear about all of them because she was such a big part of his family at one time and she really did miss his kids.

"This is actually really good Liv," he said finishing off the last of his food.

"You don't have to sound so shocked," she countered half laughing while sipping some of her wine.

"Well you were just never much of a cook before so it's a bit surprising."

"It's not that I couldn't cook I just didn't cook. Plus like I told you Stabler, things change."

"Yeah," he agreed but looked down sadly. He couldn't help but wonder how much things had changed.

Olivia took the plates to the kitchen and came back with more wine as she settled into the couch. She turned her body towards him and kicked off her shoes. Her body language instantly made him more comfortable.

"What's on your mind Stabler?" Olivia asked playfully.

"Just wondering. Like you said so much has changed for both of us. Is it possible to pick up where we left off?"

"I thought we already had, kind of."

"Well yeah but I didn't know if this would be more of a catch up and find out about each other's lives and it tapers off kinda thing or if it would be something else."

"What do you want it to be?" she asked seriously. His concerns were valid. She didn't really know where they went from here but since he was the one who exited the friendship previously she wasn't sure where he wanted her to fit.

"Honestly?" He turned his body also to face her and braced himself to be as honest with her as he could be.

"Of course."

"I want you in my life Liv. Everyday like we were before obviously not as partners on the job but in my life."

"That's umm going to be interesting to pull that off. We've only ever known each other as partners so it would be weird to navigate having a friendship outside of that all things considering."

"Things like what?"

"Your kids, my kid, your work, my work. I don't know, life. I mean all these things get in the way and you don't have time like you want to."

"Then we make time. Even if we don't see each other, we call, we text. I can't lose you again Olivia. Please."

"Ok."

"Ok? That simple?" he said with a small smile.

"Yep, that simple. We try and see."

She grabbed the remote and turned on some soft music, careful not to wake the baby, while they sat and continued to drink and talk.

"So…," Olivia said wondering where their conversation would go next. She had so much she wanted to talk about but then didn't know what to say.

"So…," Elliot countered mocking her.

"So what now?"

"Ask me something," he offered her.

"Ask you something? Like a random question?" she asked a bit taken aback.

"Yep, anything. I promise to answer." He took off his shoes and mimicked her relaxed position on the couch with his head resting on his hand along the back of the couch.

"Ok…umm. Oh I have one. When did you start driving by my house and what all did you see?"

"About a year and a half ago. I saw you with Brian, I saw you with Noah, I saw you come home alone on nights and I could tell a case had gotten to you. I saw you running out of your house..late as always. I saw you happy every now and then, of course more so after Noah. But before that I was worried. I saw Nick, I knew who he was before I met him that night with Lizzie…of course," he said looking at her with a little smirk that she immediately shot back with a knowing glance. "I saw you sad, and that's what was hardest to see," he finished.

He watched as her face grew serious and she set down her wine glass.

"Now my turn. Why were you sad?" he asked not looking at her and knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from her.

"I think you know why." She was avoiding the question as she always did when things were getting too emotional.

"Tell me," he urged in almost a whisper.

"I thought it would get easier over time when you left, I really did. Everyone told me it would but it didn't. Every time something happened I wanted to share it with you and I couldn't and that killed me. You were…you were just…" she took a deep breath before she finished "everything."

He took her hands in his while she struggled to continue.

"You were everything to me and I hated myself for being that dependent on you because I was always such an independent person. We always had our battles but I never let myself imagine a time when you wouldn't be in my life. To have to start over so abruptly I never got over it Elliot," she looked up to meet his eyes. "Never."

"I'm sorry Liv."

"You don't have to keep apologizing. Anyway I don't want to keep talking about that. Change of topic."

"Ok, go for it."

"Dani Beck," she said firmly.

He almost choked on his wine.

"Dani? Damn that's a blast from the past. What about her?"

"You guys seemed close."

"How would you know that?"

"Because I saw you guys in the squad room shortly before I came back. You touched her shoulder and it was like you guys had this physical type of closeness that we didn't have. When I saw you touch her I was shocked. We had been partners forever and I can count the number of times you touched me when it didn't have to do with rescuing me from something. It just made me feel like something was up."

Elliot didn't answer straight away and she immediately thought the worst.

"Did you sleep with her?" she asked horrified.

"NO! Of course not."

"But…"

"But we did kiss."

"Wow."

"It's not like that."

"Looks like it was."

"Olivia when you left the way you did I didn't know what to think. I thought we had gotten past our issues after the Gitano case but then you up and disappeared to go undercover and didn't say anything to me for months. Me and Kathy were separated and I just felt numb. When we kissed I had just had a few drinks and so did she and it just…happened."

Olivia huffed and reached to pour more wine. The conversation had taken a turn and she needed to get some alcohol into her system.

"I know that sounds juvenile," he continued. "I just needed to feel something. I never for a minute would've gone further than that. I was feeling so rejected and I guess I just needed the attention. The stakes were higher with you Liv for reasons we all know now. That's why it was easy for me to kiss her and not you."

"So no feelings there?"

"No, not real ones. I think in the moment I appreciated that she looked up to me and seemed happy to be my partner but any real feelings no."

"Ok."

"Now my turn. Why were you jealous about Dani? And before you get ready to say you weren't we both know it wouldn't have upset you so much if you weren't. So spill it Sergeant."

"I was jealous because I had feelings for you. I was upset that you would touch her like that and you avoided me like the plague in that regard. During that time you weren't even with Kathy and you didn't even…."

"Didn't what?"

"I don't know, make a move. You never did anything. We just went along as usual. I felt like there was tension between us but you never did anything about it so I felt like maybe I was reading things wrong," she said picking at some invisible lint on her dress to avoid looking directly in his eyes. "Was I wrong?"

"Does this count as your question?" he asked her smiling causing her to meet his eyes.

"Yes, fine it does."

"No you weren't wrong. Liv we always had this unspoken tension between us. There were so many times I wanted to do something or wanted you to do something but I was so afraid that we could never go back after that. I didn't want anyone else as my partner but you. I knew things between us would get hot and heavy if we crossed that line and there would be no way to hide it. When I was married I just wanted to avoid you at all costs. That's why the lack of touching obviously. But when Kathy and I separated I needed to have you in my life no matter what and not being your partner just wasn't an option for me. So I sacrificed a possibility of being your partner in life to be your partner at work. I don't know if that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense El."

"So why didn't _you_ make a move?" he asked turning the tables on her again.

"I don't know. Same reason I guess." She gave him a shy small and drank more of her wine.

"El..when did you know? That you had feelings for me? Like really know," she asked. The wine was giving her the courage to ask questions she wanted to know for years and she was seizing the opportunity since he was finally talking.

"I knew you were going to be trouble for me the first time we met but when did I start to have feelings for you probably around the time your mom passed away. We had kept things pretty professional in the beginning but that was the first time I really saw your human side and I thought it made you even more beautiful."

Olivia paused to process what he said.

"When did you know?" he asked.

"Within the first six months of us being partners. I leaned on you more than I would anyone else. I let you in more than I did anyone else. It scared the crap out of me because that was so unlike me. I thought this man is married, he has these kids and all these people depending on him and I can't depend on him too. It's too much for him to handle. But you did. You handled it. I didn't feel like a burden to you and you made me feel like a priority. You managed to be there for me in all the ways that were important," she said as a small tear rolled down her cheek. Before she could reach up to wipe it away Elliot reached across and wiped it for her. He left his hand there and she leaned into his touch.

"Why did you leave me the medal El?" Her voice was still laced with unshed tears and she placed her hand over his on her face.

"Because I wanted you to know. I am always faithful to you Liv. Even when I'm not around and we don't talk or see each other for four days or four years. I am always faithful..to _you_," he said emphasizing the last word. "Only you. You are everything to me. You had been for a long time. You and my kids were the only thing that kept me going in one of my darkest hours. I got myself together to be their father and to hopefully be the kind of man that you deserve to have in your life."

He moved closer to her while still holding her face. He looked at her lips and back into her eyes as a way of both letting her know his intentions and also asking permission. She moved closer and that was all the confirmation he needed. He leaned in and softly kissed her lips. He pecked her at first and she deepened the kiss. They were both lost in each other and soon his tongue was begging for entrance. She granted it willingly and lost all sense of herself.

Kissing him was exactly how she imagined it would be and more. He was tender yet passionate and his lips were soft and demanding. It was when his hand started rubbing her exposed thigh under her dress and she started to feel a pull in the bottom of her belly that she regained her wits and stopped him.

"El, we have to stop," she said and slightly pushed him back. They were both out of breath and struggling to regain composure. She put his forehead next to his while they came back down to Earth.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to.."

"No it's ok. I just..didn't want it to go any further."

"Oh." He was a little dejected and not sure if she meant she didn't want it to go further ever or just in that moment. She sensed his concern and felt the need to explain.

"We just got back in each other's lives. I want us to take things slow and figure out how to maneuver all of this. I don't want to do anything right now that's going to complicate that. I don't want to lose you again," she said as she reached out and placed a quick soft kiss on his lips.

"Ok. I understand."

"Thank you."

They sat back on the couch and tried to return to how they were before even though there was a big elephant in the room.

"Now you see why I never tried to kiss you before," he added nervously.

"Why?"

"Because I knew how hard it would be to stop myself."

She acknowledged his comment with a nod and began to rub the back of the couch as she struggled for what to say next.

"Well we lost whose turn it was for questions," he said.

"I think it's your turn."

"Ok. Go on a date with me," he said putting his hand on her knee and looking her in the eyes. She was taken aback he could tell.

"Is that a question?" she asked laughing faintly.

"You're right. Olivia Benson would you do me the honor of going out on a date with me?" he asked while getting on one knee for added theatrical measure.

"You're serious?"

"I couldn't be more serious. I want to take you on a date. Dinner, a movie the whole nine yards."

"The whole nine yards hunh?" she asked raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Well not that nine yards unless…." he couldn't finish because she playfully slapped him on the arm and he temporarily lost his balance his head ended up laying on her thigh. He didn't get up right away. He took advantage of the moment to be even closer to her and made eye contact so she could see how serious he was.

"I'm not joking Liv. Will you go out with me?"

Without thinking she reached back and started rubbing the back of his head and short hair.

"I would love to," she finally answered.

"Ok. How about Thursday night?" he asked excited.

"Ill have to check with my sitter but I'm sure that will be fine."

He lay on her a little longer before he let out a small yawn and knew it was getting late. "I better get going."

She walked him to the door and leaned against it as he stood just on the other side of the threshold.

"Good night Liv. I had a great time."

"Me too. That was the best night I've had in a very long time."

"Glad to hear it."

He paused a moment before walking off wondering if he could give her a good night kiss. She read his mind and reached out to kiss him. It was soft and sweet just like the one before. "Good night El."

With that he turned to get on the elevator and she watched until he disappeared behind the elevator doors. She turned off the music, turned off all the lights and checked on Noah before finally going back to her bedroom.

As she lay in bed she touched her lips and smiled thinking about his mouth on hers. She had dreamed of that moment for so long and it felt like a dream that it finally happened. She reached in her drawer and pulled out the Semper Fi medal for the first time in a long time. She put it next to her phone, a reminder to take it with her to work tomorrow. She finally felt like she should start carrying it around with her again, a testament to how far her and Elliot had come in such a short amount of time.


	13. Run

Chapter 13: Run

It had been a week since Elliot met Noah and came to the house. The Thursday for their date and had come and gone and they had yet to go out because as usual work got in the way. She had always been used to work getting in the way of her personal life but this time it particularly annoyed her because it was Elliot. He was supportive of course and understood because he used to be in the same predicament when he worked there. They were exchanging phone calls and text messages when they could but a new child pornography case effectively ate up all her time. As soon as she had some free time she was determined to spend some time with Noah and her date with Elliot would have to fall on the backburner for a little bit.

"Hey, Liv! Got a minute?" Casey asked as she walked in to Olivia's office. "You seemed pretty far away just now, you ok?"

"Yeah I'm good Case. Whatcha got?"

"The warrant for Velasquez's computer."

"You got it? I'm shocked I thought the judge would turn us down." She read over the warrant and called in Fin and Rollins to go and execute it.

"I thought you would've wanted to go and handle that one personally but I'm glad to see you are delegating," Casey said as she sat down in one of Olivia's guest chairs.

"Yeah I just need a breather."

"Rough week?"

"The roughest."

Casey had been working back with the ADA office for the past six months on mostly homicides but every now and then she caught a case that landed her back at Special Victims Unit. Olivia was glad to have her around more often because it was easier for them to talk and catch up.

"Something on your mind Liv? You seem a lot more exhausted than usual. My godson wearing you out?" she asked with a laugh but she could tell there was more to it.

"Well I haven't gotten to see him much lately with work and everything but as soon as this is wrapped up I'm pledging myself to be at home by 7 for the next couple of weeks no matter what."

"Good for you. Besides that's the good thing about being in the big office. You get to give some of the work to the others," Casey pointed out and then focused on the necklace around Olivia's neck.

"I've got to find some balance. I feel like I never have enough time for anything."

"Things like what?"

"Just life."

"It never bothered you before," Casey noted. "Why the change all of a sudden? Does it have to do with why you are wearing Elliot's necklace again?"

Olivia blushed as she absentmindedly started rubbing the necklace.

"Spill it Benson." Casey was on the edge of her seat. She hadn't heard anything about Elliot or Olivia's love life since her and Cassidy broke up.

"Ok ok but not here. Let's go downstairs to the coffee shop or something."

"I'm already ahead of you."

XXXX

Elliot was going over some case files and figured he would get a head start on his curriculum for his next set of training classes. In a couple of weeks he was going to have to be in Virginia for the next 6 weekends for his next round of training classes. He used to welcome the change of scenery but now that she was back in his life he was kind of wishing that the classes were a little farther off. At least until he had a bit more time to solidify his relationship with Olivia. He was worried that any amount of time would cause there to be a distance between them again.

_Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I'm not giving up on our date. If we have to go at midnight I'm good with that too._

He smiled as he texted her the message. He suddenly felt like he understood a bit what Kathy was going through all these years. It's hard to be on the receiving end of having plans and then to have it get pushed to the side at a moment's notice. She called him on Thursday around 4 to tell him she couldn't make it. He had fussed with Lizzie on what he should wear and had knots in his stomach all for it to be cancelled. Considering what he put her through he wasn't angry at her at all just extremely disappointed. He hoped they would get the opportunity to have their date soon.

Elliot couldn't stop thinking about the kiss they shared when he was at her house. He had felt so comfortable there and it really did feel like they hadn't missed a beat. Seeing her with Noah was a reminder at how much things had changed but he felt hopeful that he could fit into her life. Elliot kicked himself as he walked back to his car that night that he had lost control and started moving his hand her up her thigh. He had practiced restraint for so long while they were partners, mostly by trying not to touch her and if he did only in a professional way. The fact that he lost control while kissing her did nothing but reiterate that he did the right thing by not treading that line while they were partners. He never ever wanted to cheat on his wife. He lost the emotional battle with cheating early on in their partnership but he promised himself he would never physically cheat..and he didn't.

He didn't know if that fact would ever make a difference to Kathy but he had to hope it would. He would need her support to get through to all of the kids if he and Olivia ever got to that next step. He stopped himself from going down that road of thinking. He was getting ahead of himself. They hadn't gone on their first date…yet.

XXXXXX

Olivia smiled reading Elliot's text message as she and Casey nuzzled into a couple of the seats in the coffee shop. Casey read her body language and slowly sipped her coffee as she waited for her to respond to the text.

_No matter what time? Be careful what you wish for Stabler. I just may take you up on that offer._

She smiled as she put the phone back in her pocket.

"Ok so where was I?"

"I need details now. I haven't seen you smile like that since…geez Liv I don't know maybe since before Elliot left. Have you heard from him?"

"These last few weeks have been a whirlwind. I don't even know where to start. Umm well you know about the Minor case and that Lizzie was a witness. Well after everything Elliot and I talked and reconnected."

"Reconnected how?" Casey asked raising a suggestive eyebrow. They both laughed at her implications.

"We talked, like really talked."

"Oh wow. That's umm..so uninteresting and not what I meant."

"Casey!"

"Ok ok. So I assume he has some answers on where he's been for all this time."

"He does." Olivia went on and gave Casey the short version of Elliot's last few years and caught her up on what she told him as well.

"That's great Liv. Really. I know how much you missed him and I think we were all shocked when he just left. I knew the day would come sooner rather than later when he would leave SVU but I never thought he would practically vanish. You guys have covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time."  
"Yeah."

"So when's the sex?"

"Casey!" she yelled half mortified and half laughing.

"What? I mean it's Elliot. I assume he's still hot. Is he? Oh please tell me he hasn't let himself go."

"No he definitely hasn't," they laughed together at how she said it. Olivia had to admit she missed girl talk. It made her life seem normal when it was so obviously abnormal.

"So when's the first date?"

"Soon. I hope. We were supposed to go out Thursday but you already know how that turned out."

"Let me guess. Caught a case."

"Yep," she said circling the rim of her coffee cup. "Case, do you ever regret being married to the job?"

"Sometimes I do. What we do is important and we help a lot of people but I look at myself in my 40's and I'm not married, I don't have children, I don't get to go out often and sometimes it bothers me. Why do you ask? Starting to burn out?"

"Yes and no. I couldn't imagine my life without SVU but I don't get to spend time with my kid like I want and I can't even make time to go out on a date."

"Well like I said. You need to delegate more that's for sure. But also Elliot knows the deal, he's been there. That's the advantage that the two of you have, at least it's not someone who doesn't understand the job."

Olivia sighed.

"It's going to be ok Liv. Can I give you some advice? I feel like I can since I've managed to have a boyfriend for the past whopping 6 months," she said sarcastically but gazed at Olivia seriously. "There are 24 hours in the day. It doesn't have to be a big fancy date where you two get dressed and go to a Broadway show. It just needs to be some time where the two of you are alone spending time together. If you can just find an hour here or there, call him up. You guys meet up somewhere and just talk. Just find the time."

Olivia smiled a little. "You're right. I'll find the time."

"But that's not all that's bothering you," Casey observed her as she leaned in.

"I know I'm way ahead of myself but I can't stop thinking about Kathy, the kids, my job..I mean if this works out then it will be so complicated."

"Oh god here we go," she said as she sat back in her chair.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Liv, everyone knows your routine. When things get a little serious or complicated as you put it..you run."

"That's not true," Olivia replied defensively.

"It is. It's what you do. Not that I think the relationships you ran away from would've worked out in the long run anyway but you never let it get there. This thing with Elliot is really not all that complicated. I mean yes will Kathy probably not be the president of your fan club, sure. Will Elliot's kids be a little weirded out? Sure. But as far as work goes I don't think you could convince anyone that you guys weren't sleeping together years ago. I think they would just be happy to see he made an honest woman out of you."

They both laughed again.

"I'm serious Casey."

"I know you are. And that's the problem. Stop being so damn serious and be happy. When you touched that necklace and picked up your phone to text him just now you were lit up like a damn Christmas tree."

"I-", Olivia tried to say but Casey put a finger up and interrupted her.

"Don't even try to lie and say that was not him texting you. I'm not in the mood for it."

"I wasn't going to lie I'm just saying there's nothing wrong with thinking things out first to make sure you aren't making a bad decision."

"Ok, I'm sure you've thought about it tons of times because that's what you do. And I'm sure you thought of every possible scenario that you could and they probably all had something negative in it or had a negative outcome."

She was right. Olivia hated that she was right. She started moving her leg nervously as she played with her coffee cup.

"Casey, I don't think I could handle losing him again. What if it doesn't work out?"

"But what if it does?"

XXXXXX

Olivia paced back and forth in her office thinking about her conversation with Casey. She was stuck at the precinct again…while everyone was searching the suspect's financials and going through old case files. It was close to 10pm and she called Lucy to check on Noah who was already in bed. When she looked out into the squadroom she could tell everyone was exhausted.

"Ok guys. Go home. All of this stuff will be here tomorrow."

"You sure?" Carisi asked.

"Man you sit here and ask, I'm tired so I'm outta here. Good night Liv," Fin said as he grabbed his jacket. Rollins and Amaro were right behind him saying their goodbyes.

"Go home Carisi. That's an order," she said as she walked back into her office. She began to gather her things to head home when she suddenly had an idea.

XXXXX

Elliot was in the living room watching some old movie when his phone rang.

"Stabler"

"Hey El. I'm sorry were you sleeping? I didn't mean to wake you," Olivia said nervously.

"No I was just sitting watching a movie. How are you?" he asked while looking to see what time it was.

"I'm fine. I was getting ready to head home and then I was wondering," she paused a bit and closed her eyes before going on, "I thought I could take you up on that offer earlier. Anytime right? Would you like to grab a bite at that diner that we used to go to all the time."

"I would love to. I can meet you there in 15 minutes."

"Ok."

XXXXX

He got there in 18 minutes and found her checking emails on her phone as he walked in. She was sitting in the booth in the back they always shared whenever they ate there.

"Hey."

"Hi," she said. She got up to hug him and then they both sat down. Elliot looked around the diner taking it all in.

"Long time since you've been here hunh?" she spoke up after noticing him looking around.

"Yeah. That's an understatement."

They both put in their orders and settled into comfortable conversation about the kids, Olivia gave him an update on work and he talked a little about the undercover cases he had been on through the year.

"So does this count as our first date?" he asked.

"I guess it does," she said smiling.

"I like your necklace." He reached out and ran the small medal through his hands while he looked in her eyes.

"Thanks. Seemed appropriate to wear again."

"Thank you Liv."

"For wearing the necklace? Umm you are welcome," she answered.

"No," he said and got up and sat next to her. "For this. For giving me another chance to be in your life. These last few weeks have been the happiest I've had in a long time. So thank you."

"You're welcome." She blushed at his words. "For me too."

They sat in comfortable silence for a little bit as they continued to eat their food.

"Well we have finished our dinner. Now it's time for a dance. I mean this is our first date and all."

She started laughing and immediately thought he had to be joking. She realized he wasn't when he reached for her hand.

"You aren't serious El."

"Of course I am. We've had dinner, now it's time for dancing."

"Elliot, we are in a diner. There's not even any music or a dance floor."

"Olivia, it doesn't matter where we are. There's an old jukebox back there Ill find something to play and we can dance right here next to the booth."

She looked on in wonder as he walked to the jukebox to find a song. She thought he was out of his mind but couldn't help but laugh at how insistent he was. The old Elliot would have never done such a thing, or so she thought. She didn't really know him in that way back then to know if he was a true romantic or not.

He returned to the table and held his hand out to her.

"Miss Benson, may I have this dance?"

"Yes you may."

She vaguely recognized the tune in the background as she took his hand. Thankfully the only people left in the diner was one guy reading the paper near the register and the two employees. They swayed slowly back and forth in the area right next to their booth while Olivia listened to the irony of the lyrics to the song they were dancing to. He obviously chose it for a reason.

_If you knew how lonely my life has been_

_And how long I've been so alone_

_And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along_

_And change my life the way you've done_

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me_

She eventually let go of his hand and put her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. He responded by putting his hands around her waist. While dancing she felt his labored breathing as they moved their heads closer to each other. She slowly moved her head a little to the left and found her lips brushing up against his. She kissed him softly and continued to sway with the music.

"I love you Olivia. So much," he said in her ear as they continued to dance. She wanted to say it back but she couldn't get the words to form on her lips. Her phone started to vibrate in her pocket and she immediately groaned.

"Oh no, don't tell me that's work," Elliot said as she picked up the phone.

"No it's Lucy," she answered anxiously. "Lucy, is everything ok?"

"It's Noah. He's running a very high fever and he won't stop crying."

"Ok, I'll be right there."

Olivia immediately grabbed her belongings to head out. Elliot overheard the conversation and threw some money on the table to pay the bill and headed out after her.

"I'm sorry about this," she apologized as she fumbled to put her key in the car door.

"Don't worry about it. I'll follow you home."

"What? Elliot no, you don't have to do that."

"Liv. Ill meet you at your place," he said definitively. He wasn't taking no for an answer and she didn't have time to protest.

They both set out to her place to check on her son.

A/N: Thanks for the amazing reviews. I appreciate them so much.


	14. Trigger

Chapter 14: Trigger

A/N: Ok, I got a lot of reviews asking me to add this plot point, so ask and you shall receive! I hope you all like it.

They both raced back to Olivia's apartment and got there in record time. When they pulled into the parking garage she ran out and Elliot was close behind. At the elevator, she held her head down and cursed her building for the fact they ran slow at night. Once inside she tried to punch the number to her floor but the button wouldn't light up.

"You have to be kidding me," she punched the number again and again before she got so frustrated that she kicked the wall.

"Hey, it's ok. I got it." He gently moved her out of the way before pressing the button repeatedly and it finally lit up. As the door closed, he reached out to grab her hand and she pulled back. This was typical behavior of hers and he wasn't offended. When she was very upset she hated to be touched but he wanted to comfort her.

As they exited the floor they both ran down the hall and could hear Noah crying before she opened the door.

"Hey. His temperature is 102 and he's been crying since about ten minutes before I called you. I gave him something for the fever but it hasn't gone down yet," Lucy said in a panic. Elliot noticed she looked exhausted and stressed out.

Olivia ran to pick up Noah and soothe him to see if it would help but he was inconsolable and started to struggle in her arms.

"I'm going to call his doctor," Olivia said as she struggled to hold Noah and reach for her cell phone.

Elliot reached out to take Noah from her while she called Dr. Lee. He walked around the living room with the screaming little boy and uttered reassuring words while Olivia went to the back to try and leave a voicemail without Noah's crying in the background. When she hung up the phone she was surprised to find there was no more crying. She walked out of the room to the living room to find the little boy sleeping in Elliot's arms as he continued to walk with him in the limited space he had.

"He's sleeping?" Olivia asked surprised.

"Yeah he's still a little fussy but better for now. What did the doctor say?"

"I'm waiting on her to call me back."

She laid her hand on his head to see if the fever had gone down a little and reached to take him from Elliot when the phone rang.

"It's ok I got him," he whispered to him while Olivia talked on the phone. Lucy grabbed her things and left asking Elliot to tell her to give her an update as soon as she knew something.

After explaining a little to the doctor, she told her to bring Noah to the ER and she would meet her there.

"She said to bring him to the ER," heading over to grab Noah and her keys.

"Ok, do you have a diaper bag or anything else you want to bring?" He was already grabbing a toy he found on the floor as he talked.

"Yeah but Elliot you don't.-"

"Olivia, let's go. I'll drive," he said while locking the door behind them.

At the hospital they were taken in a room where Noah was hooked up to fluids while they waited for Dr. Lee to arrive.

Olivia was on one side of the crib while Elliot stood over the other side. She rubbed Noah's back to help soothe him back to sleep while he tossed and turned.

"You're going to be ok little man," he said as he rubbed his hair. Briefly their hands touched while they were both comforting Noah. He closed his hand around hers and it gave her a moment to take everything in. She started to cry softly while stroking his hand.

"I'm worried El. He's been through so much already. His respiratory system has always been weak," she whispered.

"It's going to be ok I promise. You will find yourself here a lot more than you want to be but in the end it's all going to be ok."

"Olivia, sorry it took me so long," Dr. Lee said as she walked in.

"It's ok. I know it's late, thanks for coming down."

"I just looked over his chart and I'm going to examine him. I have some paperwork I need you to fill out at the nurses station."

"Oh…ok," she replied reluctantly not wanting to leave Noah

"I'll stay with him. You do what you have to do," Elliot assured her.

"I won't be long."

It took her about twenty minutes to go over everything and text Fin to let them know she wouldn't be in tomorrow due to Noah's health. When she walked back in the room, Dr. Lee was writing in the medical chart and Elliot was sitting in the rocking chair with Noah who had nodded off back to sleep.

"Olivia, let's talk outside," she said ushering her out.

Dr. Lee said she believed Noah was exposed to the measles and she would release him the next day if his fever went down but they would have to stay indoors for a few days to see if he had any other symptoms. She also gave her some other care instructions for him while at home and paperwork to bring home.

"You look exhausted. I'll have a roll away bed brought in for you and your _friend,"_ the doctor said with a smirk.

Olivia couldn't help but smile back at her. "Thanks."

As she walked back in the room she was taken aback by the image before her. Elliot was sound asleep in the rocking chair with Noah on his chest sleeping. His arms were wrapped around her son in a protective nature and they both looked so peaceful. She wanted to wake him to tell him he could go home, she knew he had to be tired but she couldn't stop staring. She used her phone to take a picture of the two of them before going to sit in the other chair careful not to disturb them. After about an hour a nurse came in to check Noah's temperature again and had to wake them both up.

"Hey. You fell asleep, I didn't want to wake you," Olivia said softly.

"Oh. How long was I out?" he asked rubbing his eyes.

"Just an hour. Go ahead and get yourself home and get some rest. We will be fine."

"What did the doctor say? When are you two going home?"

"She said probably tomorrow as long as his temperature goes down which it looks like it is. He was exposed to the measles so it looks like we will be quarantined in the house for a few days, maybe a week."

"I don't have to go, I can stay here with the two of you. I don't mind."

"You are exhausted El. It's ok. Go home and I will call you tomorrow and let you know how we are."

"Ok. I will leave on one condition. You call me tomorrow as soon as the two of you are released and I will come over with Chinese, a movie and anything else you need me to pick up and will keep you company."

"You drive a hard bargain Stabler," she said smiling. "Deal."

"Good night little man. I'll see you tomorrow buddy," he said as he reached over to rub his back. He was back in the crib and dozed back off to sleep.

Elliot and Olivia walked into the hall to say goodbye.

"Well I tell you one thing Liv. I haven't gone on many dates, but this is definitely the most memorable," he joked.

"Yeah my life is all over the place these days."

"And that's just fine with me. I'll see you tomorrow." He leaned forward and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. "Good night."

"Good night El. Thanks for everything. Really."

"Call me if you need anything or if anything comes up. Ok?"

"I will." He looked at her not believing her. "I promise," she added to assure him.

With that she watched him disappear down the corridor of the hospital and she suddenly felt like crying. She wanted to cry for her son who once again sick and saying goodbye to Elliot was harder than she thought it would be. She was used to going to doctor's appointments and everything alone but having him there with her tonight had been such a relief. She thought for a second about calling him back up there but she knew he would come and she didn't want to be selfish.

XXXXX

Noah's fever went down and they were released in the early afternoon the next day. She kept her promise and text Elliot when she got home and went on to get Noah settled back at home.

_Hey, just wanted to let you know that Noah and I are on the way home._

She received a reply back almost immediately.

_Ok. Ill be over later._

She figured he would be by this evening and decided to get caught up on some work.

Fin and Amaro came by with some case files and to update her on everything that was going on at the office.

"Hey baby girl, how's little man doing?" Fin asked as he walked in.

"He's napping, but overall he's ok. Just gotta chill here for a bit."

"Well don't worry about anything, we got you covered at the office," Nick assured her.

"Thanks guys. Ok so run it down for me. Where are we on the rape/murder in Chelsea?"

For the next hour, they discussed the open case statuses and she handed out assignments for everyone until there was a knock at the door.

Elliot was at the door with Chinese take out in his hand and movies.

"Elliot?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah I told you I would be right over after you were released," he replied walking in. "Oh sorry I didn't realize you were working."

"It's ok man we were just heading out," Fin volunteered.

"No don't let me rush you guys. I can just sit here while you wrap up. Is Noah sleeping?"

"Yeah he went down about an hour and a half ago," she responded.

"Ok, do you mind if I go peek in on him?"

"No, not at all."

As Elliot headed into Noah's room, Nick and Fin exchanged glances.

"Ok where were we?" Olivia tried to move on ignoring their looks.

"You were telling us what you wanted Carisi and Rollins to handle," Nick responded.

"Oh. Yeah. Have them question the vic's mom again, it sounds like she's holding something back. I want you and Fin to take another crack at Jordan and check with her schoolmates. Give me a call later and let me know what you find out."

"You got it boss. I guess we will uhh…head out," Nick said.

After they left, she went into Noah's room to check on Elliot. He was standing over him watching him sleep.

"Hey."

"Hey, he's still sleeping?"

"Oh yeah. He must be happy to be home. Can't get much rest in hospitals. Believe me I know."

His comment made Olivia realize that she didn't even think about how being in the hospital could've triggered some bad memories for him.

"El..I'm sorry I didn't realize," she started apologizing.

"It's ok Liv. You don't have to treat me with kid gloves. I'm just glad he's ok." He smiled at her and they walked back to the living room.

"Are you hungry? I got enough Chinese to last us for lunch and dinner."

"I'm starving actually."

They sat on the sofa and popped in one of the movies he brought while eating. They talked about Noah's previous health issues and random conversation until Noah finally woke up from his nap.

"Let me go grab him. I'll be right back."

Elliot picked up the food containers and straightened up a bit while she tended to Noah. He hated to admit that being in the hospital was somewhat of a trigger for him. He was happy to be there for her the night before but was a bit relieved to go home. It started to all feel too familiar for him. He called and talked to Maureen on his way home after the hospital and she was glad he reached out. When he was in trouble the first time it was Maureen that he leaned on the most. Although she was married and had to be up early the next morning, she talked to her dad until he assured her that he was ok and was going to sleep.

"Hey, someone wants to say hello to you," Olivia said carrying Noah into the living room.

"Hey there little guy," he said reaching out for him. The little boy went into his arms willingly. "You gave me and your mommy a little scare last night. But that's alright, we will just hang out here for the next few days until you can go outside."

"Oh we will?" Olivia asked raising an eyebrow playfully.

"Yes we will. I plan to come over everyday and check on you guys and plus I know you will be a bit bored while he's napping so I can entertain you."

"El. That's a generous offer but we don't want to disrupt your life."

"You are not a disruption. I have Eli tomorrow and this weekend but in between that time I can stop by here if that's ok with you."

"Yes of course. It's fine. I think we would like that a lot," Olivia said flashing him a big smile. She was genuinely happy she would be seeing him everyday.

"Ok, good. What do you say we put on the next movie?"

"Uhh I don't think he would be interested in these old action movies you have."

"No problem. I came prepared. I have a cartoon movie in here that I know he will love. It's one of Eli's favorites," he said as he moved to the DVD player and put the movie in.

The three of them sat on the couch and watched the movie laughing and enjoying the rest of the day. Olivia would steal glances in Elliot and Noah's direction every now and then during the movie. She wasn't surprised that Elliot managed to capture her heart again, but seeing him capture the heart of her son brought on another level of love that she never imagined was possible to feel.


	15. The Wild Card

Chapter 15: The Wild Card

**A/N: Its really hard to get chapters done during the week so going to try and post more chapters on the weekend when I can. Thanks to all of you sticking with this story and for your feedback. It keeps me going!**

After a week of being in the house with Noah, Olivia was finally able to get back to work. He never got the Measles and Dr. Lee gave him the all clear to resume his normal schedule. She was happy to get back to some normalcy but she had to admit she enjoyed being in a bubble for a little while with Elliot and her son. There were short visits from the squad to drop off paperwork and check on her but for the most part her days were filled with the two of them. They watched TV together, played with toys, laughed, talked and ate dinner together. It was becoming more and more like it used to be with her and Elliot. They were comfortable and at ease with each other in a more intimate way.

As Noah slept she initiated a few makeout sessions with Elliot but he quickly put an end to them because they were both getting too caught up. He told her he knew she wasn't ready to take the next step yet and he didn't want to pressure her. The closer they got, the harder it was for him to control himself around her so he tried his best to eliminate the temptation all together.

She pulled out her phone and went through a few of the pictures they had taken during the week and smiled to herself. The picture of Elliot and Noah sleeping at the hospital was the one she liked the most. She traced her finger over the screen across the image as she thought to herself that it was time to tell him she loved him. There had been so many times over the past week that she could've said it but she didn't. She didn't know why she kept holding back but she figured now was the time to tell him. He was going to be in Virginia for the next couple of weekends so she planned to get off early, go get Noah and surprise him at his house by cooking him dinner.

"Hey, do you still have the Williams file?" Amanda asked causing Olivia to jump.

"Oh yeah, it's here somewhere. Oh here you go."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Amanda hung around a little bit wanting to talk. She and Olivia never really did girl talk but she noticed a difference in her lately and had a feeling it was due to her former partner. She and Nick had never met Elliot but they saw how it affected her when Elliot left and they were both worried.

"Umm…hey so glad to hear Noah is ok," she added trying to open the door to a personal topic.

"Yeah it is." She knew what Amanda was trying to do. She had been a detective for too long to not notice that she wanted to talk about something.

"Ok, ill just go."

"Come sit down Amanda," she motioned to her chairs. "What's on your mind?"

"Look..I don't want to get in your personal business. You just seem really happy lately," she added nervously.

"I am happy. For the first time in awhile but I'm sure that's not what you want to talk about."

"Well yes and no," she struggled for the words. "We weren't here when Elliot was here before but we saw the after effects. We are just concerned. You've been through so much lately and we just want to make sure you don't get hurt again."

"Hmmm. Well I appreciate your concern as well as Nick's who I assume is the other part of we that you are referencing, but I can take care of myself," Olivia said more defensively than she meant to sound. She saw Amanda flinch and decided to clean it up. "Look..I get it. The truth is I was a mess when he left and you probably saw a side of me that I'd rather forget. I wasn't being sarcastic when I said I appreciate you guys caring so much. You all have seen me at the lowest of the low especially with all that Lewis stuff. You know how hard it's been for me to forgive and move on in situations so trust me when I say the fact that I have forgiven Elliot means there was good reason. It's ok. Trust me."

"You're right. I'm sorry," Amanda apologized while heading for the door.

"Don't be sorry. Don't stop checking up on me. I need it," she said offering the blonde a reassuring smile.

XXXXX

Elliot was at home beginning to start preparing for his trip. He was getting his coursework and everything in order because he spent so much time at Olivia's house lately he was behind. He didn't regret the time he spent there and hated having to go back to work even if it was on weekends. He didn't want the distance between them to grow and with her hectic work schedule he was worried he wouldn't get to see her as much. He was only able to spend so much time with her lately because of Noah being sick.

He decided to get in some extra time with Eli since he was going to be missing the weekends. He was on his way out the door to pick him up when he ran into Kathy at the front door.

"Hey, I was just on my way to get him," Elliot said surprised.

"Daddy!" Eli screamed and ran into his arms hugging him.

"Hey buddy. You ready to spend some time with your old man?"

"Yeah can we go to the park and get ice cream and go get pizza and.."

"Whoa whoa Eli, maybe you and your daddy can just do one thing," Kathy said patting the top of his head.

"Ooookkkk," he whined walking into the kitchen to grab a snack.

Kathy and Elliot stood in the doorway awkwardly before he finally invited her in. He sensed there was something she wanted to talk about.

"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked.

"No I'm good," she replied timidly.

"What's on your mind Kathy?"

"How did you know?"

"We were married for over 25 years Kath. I think I can tell when something is on your mind. Talk to me," he coaxed her.

"I don't want to fight Elliot," she said.

He took a deep breath to steady himself and brace for whatever she wanted to talk about.

"Have a seat." He motioned toward the couch. She sat down clutching her purse. "Ill send Eli to his room for a bit and have him watch some cartoons."

When he came back he sat next to Kathy and waited for her to talk.

"Elliot I know that we are divorced now and what you do is none of my business…"

"But"

"I talked to Maureen. She told me about the hospital stay and how it may have brought up some bad memories for you about Kathleen," she was getting emotional at the mention of her deceased daughters name.

"I'm ok Kath. How are you holding up?" he asked taking hold of her hand to comfort her.

"I'm ok. Some days better than others. But we're all healing Elliot, I just want to make sure it stays that way."

"Why wouldn't it?" He was confused as to where she was going with this.

"Olivia. It's her son that was in the hospital."

"Ahh, so that's what this is about. Olivia."

"I knew it wouldn't be long before you reached out to her. We even talked about it when you were getting better it's just…"

"Just what?"

"When Maureen told me about the hospital stay and you being upset I just got concerned that maybe you being around her and her son may be too much too fast for you. I don't want you to lose all the progress you have been making. It was bad Elliot. Really bad."

"YOU DON'T..you don't think I know that?" he yelled then calmed himself back down aware of Eli in the other room. He started pacing around in the living room trying to gather himself.

"I don't wanna fight," she said again.

"I don't either. I'm sorry. Kathy I know I was in a bad way. I'm committed to staying on the straight and narrow for my kids. There are things that are going to come up that are always going to bring back memories of that time in our lives. I have to face it or it will always be this pink elephant in the room. I can't live my life dodging everything. It doesn't help anything."

"You're right. I'm just being too overprotective I guess."

"It's ok," he said softening to the conversation. "Thanks for looking out for me and for everything you did to help me during that time. I love you Kath. Always will," he said placing a kiss on her cheek.

"But not as much as Olivia though right?" she whispered. It was so low that Elliot thought he heard her wrong.

"What?"

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything."

"Kathy we've talked about this while I was going through therapy. You are the one that told me to call her."

"I did that because I had no choice Elliot. I knew she was the only one that could help you come to terms with everything or..at least give you something to live for."

"I thought we were past this."

"I thought I would be ok with it but when I talked to Maureen and then last week when it was evident you had plans it just all became a little too real. I'm going to work through it I have no choice. You and I aren't married anymore."

Elliot cursed himself for being so naïve to think that everything would fall into place with incorporating Olivia back into his life. He wanted his family on board and he knew that started with Kathy but she was the wild card.

"It doesn't matter that we aren't married anymore. You will always be in my life," he paused knowing the next statement would hurt her. "And if I have it my way so will Olivia. I won't lose her again. I just want.."  
"For us all to get along?" Kathy responded with a sarcastic chuckle.

"Yes. For the kids sake."

"I've always liked Olivia and I know that you two have always loved each other."

"Kathy I—"

"Calm down. I didn't say you slept with her but you and I both know you have loved her for a long time and I know she felt the same."

"How do you know that?"

"Women know these things. I've had enough interactions with her one on one to know how she felt. She was in love with you but she never acted on it and I have to respect her for that."

Elliot kept quiet as she kept talking.

"Sometimes I wish she would've when we were separated so it would've made it easier for me to hate her but she delivered my child, she helped Kathleen when we couldn't get through to her. I will always be grateful to her," she said while starting to cry.

"Come here." He pulled her into a hug.

"You deserve to be happy Elliot. I will never stand in the way of that. It's just going to be hard to see you with her. She was such a part of our family and it's awkward. I want to be able to be civil and I will do my best. Just know that it's hard and there are going to be missteps. Ill work through it though."

"That's all I could ask for. You know Liv. She would never do anything to make this harder on you."

"Yeah. Saint Olivia," she said sarcastically. Elliot frowned. "Sorry. See I told you there would be some missteps."

"Can I ask you a question? It's personal and you don't have to answer."

"Go ahead," he agreed reluctantly.

"Have you guys made it official? Taken that step?"

He knew what she was getting at.

"If you are asking if we slept together, no. She hasn't even told me she loved me."

"What? Well you know she does."

"I assume she does, but she hasn't said it. Ironically I think you are a large part of that."

"Me?" Kathy asked confused.

"I think she's worried about how you would feel and if you would hate her. She thinks she is the reason our marriage didn't work out."

"Well she was a part of the reason. I'm not going to sugar coat that for her but I also know that if she wasn't in the picture we would've divorced at some point anyway."

"Yeah well I think she needs to work through her feelings about all of that and that may take some time which is fine with me. I don't want to make this situation hard on anybody, including the kids. I want them to see us have a united front."

"You want me to get the kids on board hunh?" she asked.

"I just don't want them to see any tension. If there are any issues you have with Olivia, or me I want us to talk about it. Not with the kids. I know they are all grown now except Eli and you all talk but if you could just try and have those discussions with me I think it would be helpful."

"Ok. I'll do that. I don't want them to have any more pain. They've been through enough. I do think you are worrying over nothing though. Lizzie and Maureen both love Olivia. They always have. Dickie has even come around a bit. He told me the two of you talked."

"Yeah but liking Olivia and liking her in a relationship with me is two different things. There's also another child to consider. Noah. There's just a lot to get used to."

"Noah. That's his name?" Kathy asked.

"Yeah. He's a beautiful kid," Elliot said and Kathy could see the affection he had for him in his eyes.

"Sounds like you are pretty attached to him."

"He's a great kid. She's let me spend some time with him recently while he was sick."

"Well sounds like one big happy family," she said sarcastically. "I'm sorry," she apologized right after. "I'm going to get better at this I promise."

"Yeah you will. Thank you for at least being open to it. I know it's not easy."

She nodded acknowledging his statement.

"Well I'm sure Eli is ready for some ice cream. Why don't you join us?"

"Oh no I should get going."

"It won't take too long. I have ice cream in the freezer, even bought some toppings for him to make a sundae. I know that's his favorite."

"Ok."

She set her purse down while Elliot got Eli from the back. The three of them enjoyed sundaes in the dining room and laughed like old times. Despite the weight of the previous conversation, it was lost in sounds of Eli's laughter and ice cream.

XXXXX

Olivia decided to leave work a little early and headed home to grab Noah. She wanted to pay Elliot a surprise visit and instead of cooking, she decided that her and Noah would take him out for a bite to eat. She liked that she could spend time with both her son and Elliot and Lucy was finally able to have a little time off after she was constantly relying on the young woman to watch him at all times of the night.

She pulled outside of Elliot's place and woke Noah up who drifted off to sleep from the drive.

"Come on sweetie. Let's go see our friend Elliot," she said as he struggled to wake up.

She knocked on the door and it took him a moment to answer.

"Hey," he said surprised.

"Hey we came to surprise you and take you out for a bite to eat," she said enthusiastically until she heard voices from the background.

"Oh…well I can't right now I—"

"Daddy who's at the door?" Eli yelled.

Before Elliot could explain Kathy came to the door. The two ladies locked eyes and Kathy looked over at Noah in Olivia's arms who was now fully awake.

"Well hello Olivia. I haven't seen you in awhile, it's nice to see you."

Olivia was obviously caught off guard and fought to regain her composure.

"H-hey Kathy it's nice to see you too." She turned her attention to Elliot. "I uhh Noah and I umm came to invite you out for something to eat before you left but umm I can see you are busy so we can just go. Sorry," she said nervously turning on her heel to leave.

"Li—"

"Olivia don't go," Kathy called out cutting Elliot off. "Come in, join us."

XXXX

**A/N 2: Well we all knew this was coming. These ladies had to come face to face eventually and it won't be an easy road. This dynamic has always been the part of an E/O relationship that I think makes it interesting to navigate. People like to make Kathy either the villain or really really over the top okay about Elliot and Olivia being together in stories I've read. I think it's a little more challenging than that and I wanted to try and be true to that dynamic in this story. **


	16. Awkward

Chapter 16: Awkward

"Umm. Are you sure?" Olivia asked hesitantly.

"Of course come on in there is plenty," Kathy said cheerfully and opened the door more to allow her in.

Olivia searched Elliot's face for whether or not she should actually accept but he seemed as genuinely shocked as she was. Not wanting to make the situation even more awkward she walked in.

Kathy and Elliot exchanged a glance that didn't go unnoticed by Olivia as she walked in the house.

"This handsome guy must be Noah," she said.

"Uhh yeah Kathy this is Olivia's son Noah that we talked about," Elliot said.

He was trying to snap back into the moment and be as natural as possible. He didn't want Olivia to leave but he worried that being there with his ex-wife would make her uncomfortable.

"It's Olivia!" Eli said as he jumped from his chair and ran over to her.

"Wow honey, you haven't seen her since you were like 2 years old. You still remember her?" Kathy asked surprised.

"Unh Unh. I saw her walking in front of her house when daddy and me drove by. Hunh Dad?"

Elliot froze. Olivia and Kathy's head turned to look at him at the same time.

"Hey son why don't we go show Olivia and Noah where the ice cream is so they can have some too," he said while patting Eli's head and hoping his son wouldn't say anything else that would embarrass him.

He headed towards the dining area and started to scoop ice cream trying his best to change the subject. The two women followed him with Olivia still holding on to Noah who was starting to be more vocal.

"Mama. Ice cree," Noah said pointing as everyone chuckled. Elliot started to fix him a bowl as soon as he saw his excitement.

"Yes honey, Ice cream," she said putting him down. "Ice cream is one of his favorites", she explained to Kathy who was now right beside her.

Kathy stood back and watched as Noah walked towards Elliot who had his ice cream and Olivia trailed close behind being over protective making sure he wouldn't fall or wonder off from his destination.

"Ill help him with it Olivia," Eli volunteered as he walked over to the three of them.

Kathy couldn't deny how comfortable they all seemed with each other. She noted that Elliot and Olivia tried to play down their contact with one another and she assumed it was because of her presence.

Everyone made their way back to the table as Olivia talked to Eli who she hadn't seen in years and was happy to see what a well adjusted little boy he was. There was so much that happened around him over the past years but you wouldn't know it by how joyful he was. She especially enjoyed watching the interaction between Eli and Elliot. He was definitely his father's son and Elliot seemed much more relaxed around him. His positive attitude was contagious. Kathy asked Olivia random small talk questions which she gladly answered but she couldn't shake the feeling that Elliot's ex-wife was trying to size her up. It made her uncomfortable but she tried her best to hold her composure in front of him and the kids. If things were going to work out with Elliot then this was going to be her future.

As they wrapped up eating sundaes and talking, Kathy got up to clean up.

"Oh Kath, you don't have to do that," Elliot said getting up to help.

"Nonsense. You fixed everything the least I could do is help pick up. Why don't you and the little guys go play outside or something while Olivia and I tidy up in here?"

_Here we go. _Olivia thought to herself.

Elliot and Olivia once again exchanged glances and Kathy headed in the kitchen. As usual their non-verbal communication was in tact as she let him know with just a look that she was fine and he should go.

"Come on Noah, Eli and I will show you some of the cool stuff we have on the back patio." He walked out slowly still watching the two women in his life and their dynamic to see if there was any cause for concern.

She got up from the table to gather more bowls and everything while Kathy started running water in the kitchen. She kept searching her brain for things to say but there was no cutting the tension in the room so she went with what she wanted to say the most.

"Kathy, I know it's been awhile. I uhhh well Elliot told me everything and about Kathleen. I'm really sorry," she said sincerely. Kathy stopped momentarily and turned around from the sink to face her. She saw the sincerity in Olivia's eyes and gave her a small smile. She thought to herself this is why she could never bring herself to truly hate Olivia. Despite everything she was always just so damn nice.

"Thank you Olivia. It's been tough which I'm sure he's told you as well but we are getting through it just taking it day by day," she said sadly. "Also, I heard about what happened with you and the kidnapping and stuff. I wanted to reach out but it was a difficult time."

Olivia nodded her acknowledgment.

"Anyway I'm sorry about that. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Just like you said, just taking it day by day. Having Noah has made it much easier though," she said smiling.

"Yeah kids have a way of making you forget the craziness of the world and just focusing on them."

"I'm sure you feel that with Eli. He's such a positive ball of energy."

"Oh you have no idea," Kathy said resuming their clean up. "Things have been so crazy around him these past few years but he is just as content as he ever was. He really got me through those rough times after losing Katie….and Elliot," she added softer.

Olivia didn't know what to say so she continued to pick up everything and put it in the sink and trash. They moved about in the kitchen silently for a few minutes that seemed like an eternity until they both felt compelled to say something.

"Kat-"

"Li-"

They both said each other's names at the same time and laughed softly at themselves.

"No you go ahead," Olivia offered.

"Liv I just wanted to say I know this is a bit awkward to say the least. I don't want it to be weird with us but I feel like there are some things that need to be said and I don't know that today is the time or the place."  
"I agree."

"Would you mind getting together for coffee or lunch one day? It looks like you are going to be in our lives for a long time and in a different capacity than before so it's important that we get on the same page."

"I couldn't agree more. Here's my number," Olivia said handing Kathy one of her business cards.

"Oh wow. Sergeant Benson. I guess congrats is in order," Kathy said putting the card in her pocket.

"Thanks. It was nice to see you and I look forward to hearing from you soon."

After exchanging a brief hug, Kathy said goodbye to Eli and left. Elliot came back in the house with the kids almost tip toeing because he didn't know how everything went.

"Sooo..umm everything ok?" he asked cautiously.

"Everything's fine El. Did you think we were going to come to blows or something?"

"No of course not it's just…I don't know..awkward I guess," he said pulling her close and kissing her forehead.

"Awkward..yeah that seems to be the word of the day."

"So..what did you guys talk about? She obviously wanted us out of here for a reason."

"Elliot Stabler..you really are quite nosey aren't you?"she said teasingly as she reached up to hug him.

"It's ok you don't have to tell me."

"It's fine El. I told her I was sorry about Kathleen and she told me she was sorry about what happened to me. We agreed to meet up and talk more later because now wasn't really the time to say everything we needed to say."

"What more do the two of you have to say?" Elliot asked looking worried. "And when are you guys planning on meeting?

He was starting to get nervous about the interaction between the two of them alone especially after Kathy's demeanor during the conversation just a few minutes before Olivia arrived. He didn't want there to be anything that stood in the way of him relationship but he knew Olivia well enough to know that if there was a real problem with Kathy and the kids that she would back off.

She sensed his panic and continued to hold her hands around his neck while his hands went to her hips instinctively.

"El it's going to be ok. I promise. There are some things woman to woman that her and I need to discuss. I don't know what day yet, I gave her my card and told her to call me and we would grab lunch or something," she said calmly as if she was trying to calm down a wild animal. "I'm probably not going to tell you everything that her and I talk about because it is between us but it's necessary if any of us are going to move forward in a positive way."

"But it involves me so shouldn't you tell me?"

"It involves you indirectly but some of this is about me and her. Trust me. Ok?" She placed a soft kiss on his nose and pulled away to go and check on the kids.

As he stood watching Olivia go play with her son and his son, he couldn't help but hope that whatever needed to be resolved between his ex-wife and the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with would be resolved soon.

XXXXX

It had been only three days since Kathy ran into Olivia at Elliot's house. She picked up the phone to call her several times but didn't. Instead she decided to try her luck and show up at the station that she had gone to so many times before to check on her husband. Every time she went before it was pretty much always a zoo and she felt so out of place but she felt compelled to go there to see Olivia in her element and to see if she could get her out for their talk. Her motive wasn't completely innocent. She showed up unannounced because she didn't want to give the brunette time to prepare for their conversation. Kathy wanted to catch her off guard.

As she got off the elevator she looked around in awe. The place seemed completely different and she couldn't say that she recognized anyone in there. She approached the squad room slowly looking for at least one familiar face. Instead she saw a young blonde putting up pictures on a wipe board and a young Hispanic guy walking around talking to one of the officers. Everyone was moving around so fast that no one noticed her. She didn't see Olivia at the desk that she normally sat in that was across from her former husband's desk and hoped she wasn't out on a case.

"Kathy?" Fin asked confused.

"Fin! How are you?" she asked genuinely happy to see a familiar face.

"Can't complain. Good to see you."

"Yeah. Good to see you too."

"Are you here about Lizzie's case? You know the guy copped a plea so she doesn't have to testify."

"Oh yeah I know. I'm actually..uhh hear to see Olivia. Is she out on a case?"

Fin froze for a bit a little concerned. He knew that Olivia and Elliot had reconnected and wasn't sure if Kathy was in the loop or not.

"No she's here. She's in the office back there where Cragen used to be."

"Oh." Kathy said surprised. "So she's umm"

"Yeah she's the boss now."

_Of course she is, _Kathy thought to herself. She thought about leaving thinking that maybe it wasn't a good idea to just show up after all when Fin guided her towards the office. While walking to the office, Kathy watched her through the blinds pace back and forth on the phone.

"Ok. Thanks for letting me know. We are right on it," Olivia said as she was hanging up the phone.

As she was getting ready to yell for Fin she saw him come to the door with Kathy in tow.

"Hey Sarge, Kathy is here to see you," he said as he prepared to walk out.

"Uhh hey Fin, hold on a second. I need you and Rollins to go and check out the lead on Terry Hawkins. That was Johnson down at the 12th precinct. They got a hit on his credit card at a gas station on West 49th," she said handing him the paper with all of the information on it.

"Got it Liv."

As he walked out, Kathy stood in the doorway.

"Hey Kathy sorry about that. Come in, have a seat. Give me just one second."

She walked just outside her door as she yelled for Carisi and Amaro to go and check out another lead on the same case. Kathy sat and watched her in action. She really was in charge and the confident in charge Olivia Benson was different from what she experienced the other day at Elliot's house. She'd seen Olivia in action a few times before when her and Elliot worked together and she was always taken aback by how strong she was. Now watching her command the squad room she was nothing short of intimidated.

"I'm so sorry about that Kathy," Olivia said as she shut the door. "It's always crazy around here."

"Yeah I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just showed up here. I thought we could head out and talk for a bit like we discussed the other day but I should've called first," she said shyly. As she got up to leave, Olivia stopped her.

"No no not at all. I usually do like to make plans so there are no interruptions but my squad's out chasing down some leads so we should have a little time. Is everything ok?" she asked genuinely concerned. She was a little taken aback that Kathy would just show up and not call.

"Everything's fine, I was just nearby because I dropped Eli off to play with a friend and thought I would take a chance that you would be free," she lied.

"Let me go tell someone I'll be out for a little bit, get my coat and we can grab some coffee at the shop at the end of the block."

"Ok. Sounds good."

While Olivia stepped out to go and tell one of the officers she would be stepping for a little while, Kathy took in Olivia's office and noticed the pictures of Noah that was now on her desk. She tried not to be nosey but was looking for any indication of what her life was like now. She thought there might be something that was an inkling of Elliot's return to her life around but she didn't see anything. Olivia came back into the office to gather her bag, bent over her chair and that's when Kathy noticed the small pendant hanging from her neck. It was Elliot's marine medal. The realization stopped her in her tracks.

"Hey Kathy. Ready to go?" Olivia asked trying to get her attention.

"Yep, ready as Ill ever be."

XXXX

A/N: Sorry I couldn't fit their convo all in one chapter but I wanted to change perspectives and it was going to be too much for all at once. I want to know what you guys think of their interaction so far. Reviews please! They make me happy.


	17. Between Me and You

Chapter 17: Between Me and You

Kathy and Olivia settled into the café and ordered two coffees. They opted for a booth in the back and immediately set about to make themselves more comfortable but both were pretty nervous.

"So…you wanted to talk," Olivia said prompting Kathy who looked as if she didn't know where to start. She was aimlessly tracing the rim on her coffee cup.

"Yeah. I guess I just wanted us to have a talk without Elliot, the kids and everyone else. I know he can be pretty protective and want to handle everything himself but you and I both know over the years he hasn't always been the best at navigating emotional waters."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"My first priority is and always will be my kids. I know that they love you, they always have. I just think this is going to take some getting used to from all sides. I mean you've always been their dad's partner and a friend of the family and now you are their dad's girlfriend it's just…"

"Awkward," Olivia said with a small smile.

"Yeah to say the least. I don't think it will be easy to convince them that nothing happened when the two of you were partners," she said looking at Olivia point blank.

"Convince them or you," Olivia shot back.

"All of us I guess."

"Kathy, I'm sure that Elliot has told you that nothing happened between us but if you need reassurance of that then let me tell you from my mouth. Nothing happened. I would never have interfered in your marriage or…"

"But you did. Whether you meant to or not Olivia you did," Kathy stated cutting her off. "Elliot's a lot of things but a liar isn't one of them. So in my head I believe that nothing physical happened between the two of you but emotionally..I can't help but feel like I lost my husband the day he met you."

The statement made Olivia recoil. As much as she wanted to believe that she had practiced so much restraint when it came to Elliot and patted herself on the back for never crossing that line and coming on to him, apparently the emotional damage had already been done.

"Kathy, I don't know what to say. I never meant to cause you or your family any harm. I've always encouraged Elliot to put his family back together and to call you when you were worried, and spend more time with the kids. I never tried to be a hindrance in any way," she said defensively.

"I know you didn't but the truth is it didn't matter. I appreciate all the times you talked some sense into him because he definitely needed it. I have had a tough time reconciling the fact that all this time I suspected something going on, I was right. I never wanted to be that insecure wife that couldn't handle her husband being close friends with a younger attractive woman."

Olivia took a deep breath and stared down at her coffee cup. She hated to hear her relationship with Elliot categorized in such a superficial way and she knew that Kathy wasn't the only person who would think like that. On paper she looked like the home wrecking best friend that was just looking for a way in to steal the husband away from the doting wife but in reality the situation couldn't be farther from the truth.

"I think it's a bit more complicated than that," Olivia simply responded.

"I know but in the beginning that's what it was to me. I was just this wife with no career taking care of kids and cooking and cleaning and waiting for her husband to come home. When he finally allowed us to meet I looked at you and immediately thought that you were everything that I wasn't. Strong, gorgeous, independent and it was so intimidating. I thought…why would he want me?" she said starting to tear up.

"Kathy you can't be serious. You are all of those things too," Olivia said handing her a napkin to dry her tears. Kathy's honesty forced Olivia to make an admission that she never thought she would say out loud. "When I first met you and saw you with Elliot and your kids I was so jealous."

Kathy stopped crying and her head shot up immediately.

"What?! Why were you jealous"

"Not because I wanted Elliot necessarily but because you had this beautiful family and you were the anchor of it all. I had never been able to barely keep a boyfriend a year and I've never had a family. You were raising your kids and they all looked at you like they won the lottery of moms. I thought to myself I will never have that. I will never be the type of woman that any man would look at and want to make his wife. I'll always be the girl they take out on a few dates and sleep with but can't handle what I do for a living or the fact that it's hard for me to let anyone in emotionally."

Olivia's admission made her instantly feel a bit vulnerable because this was not something she ever said to her friends or to Elliot. She never wanted anyone to know that she had insecurities about not being a girl's girl and that she didn't think she was the type of girl that a guy would ever want to bring home. There were a few moments of silence as each woman took in what the other said.

"Can I ask you something?" Kathy asked timidly.

"Of course. That's why we are here."

"Why didn't you make a move on Elliot when we were separated? It just seemed like it would've made the most sense and could've saved everyone a lot of heartache."

"I'm not going to lie, I thought about it. I thought about it a lot but I felt the ball was in his court. He was the one who was ending his marriage not me. I figured if he wanted me he would've said something or done something. When he didn't I felt that told me everything I needed to know."

"I think he thought the same thing about you," she shot back.

"Yeah I found that out later but at the time I just didn't think he was done. I didn't think the two of you guys were done with each other. There were some things that happened that I thought we were close to maybe getting to that point but it never panned out and I took that as a sign that he wanted to put his marriage back together. I didn't want him if you guys weren't done. I didn't want any blurred lines," she said matter of factly.

"Yeah but it ended up causing so much heartache in the end. I don't regret my son for a minute and I know if you guys had gotten together then Eli wouldn't be here. But Elliot denying his feelings for you caused so many issues in our house that I just wish you two would've just figured it out and put us all out of our misery," Kathy said taking a sip of her coffee which had now gotten cold.

"I'm sorry I didn't see it that way. I didn't know what was going on in your household, Elliot really did keep a lot of what you guys were going through away from me. I assume you are talking about how things went down with Kathleen. Are you really attributing that to me and Elliot?"

"No. I'm not naïve enough to blame my child's death on you," she said trying to steady herself to continue. "About a week before Kathleen's accident and in the midst of her numerous disappearing acts and tantrums I woke up in the middle of the night to go and check on her. Elliot wasn't next to me when I woke up. I went downstairs to see where he was after I checked on Kathleen and there he was on the couch with a half empty bottle of vodka next to the couch. I went to wake him to tell him to come to bed and when I reached for his hand there was something in it. It was a picture of you and him," she continued with tears starting to gather in her eyes again. "I was so hurt and so furious. I started to wake him up and yell at him but I was just so….tired. That's when I knew without a shadow of a doubt my marriage was over. I could no longer deny what was right in front of me and I refused to any longer. I went to see a divorce attorney the next day and then Kathleen went missing shortly after and things got put on hold for a little while."

Olivia felt a tear slide down her cheek as Kathy talked and kept her head down hoping that she wouldn't see it. She quietly sniffled as Kathy continued.

"Does Elliot know that you found him like that?"

"No he doesn't. I don't think it was ever relevant for him to know. We had bigger fish to fry at that point. We talked about other stuff and I know he's sorry for all of it. But I just wanted to give you a little glimpse of what we went through from my perspective. You have done so much for my family Olivia. I hope you know that I will always be grateful for what you did for me and Eli and helping Kathleen when she was having a rough time. Because I like you I hope you never have to find out what it's like to live watching your husband pine for another woman. To watch him drink himself to sleep because he can't stand to sleep next to you because he's thinking about her. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

As Kathy gathered herself after her admission Olivia struggled with what to say next.

"Kathy I'm so sorry for everything that your family went through. I'm even more sorry that Elliot handled things the way he did because none of you guys deserved it including Elliot himself but I don't regret anything about how I handled the situation. From my perspective I was doing the right thing by allowing Elliot to decide when he was ready to walk away from his marriage. If I would've done anything differently who knows what the consequences of that would've been. There's no way any of us will ever know if circumstances would've been better or worse but what I do know is it would've been wrong. That's what I have to hold on to."

"I understand that. For what its worth you have much more respect than most women. With those long nights and stake outs, you and Elliot had every opportunity to cheat and I would've had no idea. Woman to woman I will always respect you for that."

"Thank you. That means a lot," she said reaching out to touch her hand. "You know we have the same goal. My priority is the children as well. All of them. If this doesn't work out my son is affected too. Elliot is the first man that I have ever let be around him for a prolonged period of time and that's scary for me."

"I'm sure it is. I can say a lot of things about Elliot but he's always been a good father and I know…that he will be…a good father to your son too," Kathy choked out. It was still hard for her to wrap her head around the concept of Elliot being a father to any kids other than hers.

"I think that's a bit premature but I appreciate you saying that."

"Hunh," she chuckled. "It may be premature for you but it's not for him. He's in love with you and I think if he had his way he would marry you tomorrow. He uhhh mentioned that you were holding back and that he thinks it's because of me."

"He told you that?" Olivia asked shocked. She was actually pissed that he would confide that in his ex-wife. They were obviously closer than she thought they were.

"Yes he did but don't be mad at him. I don't think he meant to. We were just talking about the situation and how I felt about it and it came up," she said trying to explain. Olivia's expression softened somewhat. "Have you told him you love him?"

She stalled and didn't know if she should answer. It seemed a bit too personal to share but then again they had talked about everything else.

"No, I haven't," she replied in a small voice.

"Then he's right you are holding back. I know that you love him Liv and you have for a while so if you are holding back because of me then please don't. I won't stand in your way. In spite of everything I really do want to see Elliot happy and you make him happy."

"He makes me happy too."

"I knew the second you came back in his life because I saw a light in his eyes and a joy in his voice I haven't seen or heard in years. I have to admit I invited you in yesterday just because I wanted to observe you two," she admitted with a smile.

"Yeah I figured. I've been a detective for a long time," Olivia smiled back. "So what did you size up?" She leaned back finally relaxing for the first time in the conversation.

"That you both love each other and were on guard because I was there which is understandable. I can tell he loves Noah already and not just because he's your son and he's scared to death that you haven't truly forgiven him and that you will run because you think he has too much baggage."

"Wow. You should come be one of my detectives," she joked.

"Does he have reason to worry?" Kathy asked.

Olivia hesitated still taken aback by having this conversation with her boyfriend's ex.

"No. He doesn't. If you and the kids weren't on board then that would've been hard for me but I don't want to lose Elliot. These few weeks have been the happiest I've been in a long time. It just feels..right."

Kathy's phone started to ring and she looked at it briefly. "Ahh speak of the devil," she said as she picked it up. "Hello Elliot. I'm fine just having coffee with Liv."

Olivia watched Kathy for any indication of what was happening on the other line. She started smiling when Elliot apparently got quiet when she said they were having coffee.

"I called you earlier just to make sure you picked up Eli tomorrow at 1. He has early dismissal and I need you to keep him until I get off. Ok. Sounds good. I will tell her you said hello. Bye," she said hanging up.

Before they could speak Olivia received a text message. They both glanced at her screen.

"I'm guessing that's Elliot checking to make sure you are ok and that I don't have you in a choke hold or something," Kathy laughed.

Olivia looked at her screen and verified that was indeed the case.

_Everything ok? Call me._

"You know him so well."

"Yeah well we were married for a little while," she said with a smile and reached to grab Olivia's hand. "I do know him and I know that being with you is the best thing for him…for all of us."

"Thank you," Olivia said finding herself getting emotional and putting her other hand over Kathy's. "I didn't know how this talk was going to go but I appreciate you being honest with me and being open to me being apart of your family."

"You were always a part of my family Liv. Now it will just be in a different way."

"So you don't hate me?" she asked nervously and they laughed together.

"No I don't hate you. I tried to for a long time when I was hurting but even now I can't hate you. I didn't know how this conversation was going to go either or what I would say to you until we actually started talking. I see that you are sincere and that's all I can ask for. I just ask that you just give me a little while to adjust. It's not going to be easy and some days will be better than others but this is what it is from now on. And don't worry I will talk to the kids."

"Thank you again," Olivia said as she got up she absent mindedly started to rub the pendant around her neck.

"He gave you that when he left didn't he?" Kathy said noticing her gesture.

"Oh. Yeah he did," she said searching her face for how she was feeling.

"It's appropriate."

Olivia wanted to ask more but decided to leave it alone. They didn't hug as they got up to leave because that wasn't the type of relationship they would have, at least right now but they did walk out side by side as they prepared to part ways.

"So what are you going to tell him about our talk?" Kathy asked as she got ready to walk towards her car.

"Nothing. It's between me and you."

A/N: See I didn't make you guys wait too long for the two of them to talk ;-) Ok, I'm dying to know what did you guys think of the conversation? Reviews please. A lot of emotions and admissions from both ladies but the only way to move forward. Not a perfect ending but it's a start.


	18. Surprise

Chapter 18: Surprise

Olivia returned back to work with the replay of her and Kathy's conversation going over and over in her head. Elliot kept calling her to check and see if everything was ok but she sent the calls to voicemail. He started to send text messages instead.

_Everything ok?_

_Yes everything's fine, just really busy. Will call you later._

She could've answered the phone but she needed time to process. The conversation went better than she thought. She expected Kathy to be much more angry than she was but sitting across from her she saw a woman with just as many insecurities as she had. For years she was so jealous of Kathy for being the woman married to Elliot and having his kids and had no idea that Kathy was just as jealous of her for having an emotional connection to her husband that she would never have. The thought made Olivia laugh to herself but also feel that twinge of guilt again. She knew that her partnership with Elliot bothered Kathy but never would've wanted Kathy to feel less than a woman or inferior to her in any way. Now her romantic relationship with Elliot was all of Kathy's insecurities personified.

Casey was right. Her first instinct was always to run. To run from the situation because it seemed so complicated and it would hurt so many people. But then she thought about Don's words to her when he left SVU and told her to "take care of yourself." She loved Don and he was like a father to her but she saw how lonely he was and how he sacrificed a personal life for the sake of the job. She didn't want to keep making excuses to run from complicated issues in her personal life when she seemed to thrive on complications in her cases and professional life. The contrast between how she handled them both was thought-provoking. She always put everything and everyone in front of her personal happiness and it was time to change that.

_Can we have dinner tonight? _ Elliot's text broke her from her thoughts. She paused before answering and another text came in right after.

_Don't run from me please._

She laughed to herself. He knew her so well. He always did. Sometimes it bothered her but other times when she couldn't articulate how she was feeling, he always knew what to do and what to say. That's what she was missing from her life the past four years.

_Yes, we can have dinner. I'm not running._

Olivia walked up the stairs to her apartment around 5:30 and was surprised to see Elliot waiting by her door.

"Oh there you are," he said leaning over to give her a kiss on the forehead. She could tell he was nervous and looked like he had been pacing back and forth in front of her door for awhile.

"What are you doing here?" she asked while eyeing him suspiciously.

"I was just in the neighborhood," he lied.

"Oh really. Come on El you have to do better than that."

"Can we go in?"

"Yeah Lucy and Noah are inside, why didn't you go in before I got here?"

"Lucy doesn't really know me that well yet. I didn't want to make it awkward. I also didn't know if you would be upset if you came home and I was already in there."

"So I would be any less upset coming home and finding you pacing outside of my door?"

She raised an eyebrow at him and flashed him a small smile to let him know she was joking.

"Give me a break Liv please," he whispered. He closed his eyes and braced himself to keep talking. "I'm scared. I'm scared that she said something and now you are rethinking us. I can't lose you. I couldn't take it."

Olivia was floored. He looked just as vulnerable as he was the night he first told her about everything that happened to him since they had been apart.

She moved forward and placed her forehead on his. "You are not going to lose me. Ok?" She rubbed his arm back and forth to calm him. "I should have answered when you called me but I just needed time to process."

He nodded his head in acknowledgment.

"Now let's go inside. There's no telling what my neighbors are thinking," she joked to lighten the mood.

They relieved Lucy for the night and Elliot offered to make dinner while Olivia tended to Noah. They made small talk until Noah was settled and the food was done but Elliot was buying time until he could discuss her and his ex-wife's conversation. He wanted to have her undivided attention when they talked about it.

"He's finally down. I hope the food isn't cold," she said emerging from Noah's room.

"No it's not. Want more wine?"

"I'm good thanks."

They ate a few bites in comfortable silence before Elliot couldn't take it anymore.

"What happened Liv? With Kathy?" he finally asked.

"You already know. We talked. El please tell me you aren't going to harp on this all night," she answered irritated. "If it were something to be worried about you would know by now."

"I know she's been a bit taken aback about you and me together. I tried to talk to her about it."

"Is that when you told her that we hadn't taken the next step yet?" Olivia couldn't help but ask. She immediately regretted it because she didn't want him to know anything about the conversation but she had to know.

"She told you that?"

"Yeah she did."

He was speechless.

"El I appreciate the fact that you and your ex are close but I don't know that I'm comfortable with you sharing intimate details of our relationship with her."

"I'm sorry about that. It slipped out when she was talking about that she knew…" Elliot caught himself before he finished. He didn't want to make the conversation take a wrong turn.

"Knew what?"

"Nothing. It's nothing. Are you done? I'll put these in the sink," he moved to get up and go to the kitchen hoping she would drop it.

"Elliot. What did she say she knew?"

They were standing in the kitchen and Elliot was leaning against the counter trying to figure out how to word the exchange without making matters worse.

"El?" she encouraged him.

"She said she always knew you were in love with me and she could tell from some exchanges that you and her had over the years."

"Ahh. She told me the same thing today," she said moving closer to him in the kitchen and taking his hands in hers. "Her and I talked through that. And that Mr. Stabler is the extent of what you will hear about me and Kathy's conversation." She wrapped her hands around his neck and moved in close to kiss him.

The kiss started off innocent but Olivia quickly moved to deepen it. Elliot kept his hands on the counter, which didn't go unnoticed. She moved in even closer to him putting her body firm against his and slipped her tongue in his mouth. He kissed her back but didn't move his arms and she sensed he was holding back.

"What's wrong?" she asked breathless from the kiss.

"Nothing, what do you mean?" he asked not making eye contact with her.

"You aren't even touching me. Are you really mad at me because I won't tell you what me and Kathy talked about?" She tried to move back but he held on to her hands and kept her close.

"No not at all. Liv…" he struggled to regain his composure. "It's just…I don't want to rush you. I know you want to take things slow and I respect that. When you kiss me it's just hard for me to stop myself. I want you so much Liv."

"El..I—," she started before cutting herself off. She reached in to kiss him on the forehead. "It's ok. I get it. I want you too Elliot. So much. I just want to make sure we are doing the right thing. Once we cross that line there's no going back."

"I understand but honestly we couldn't go back now if we wanted to," he countered. "I guess you're right."

"Either way Liv. Like I said. Whatever you want. Whenever you want."

Olivia was quiet and just looked down as he talked. Now she was the one holding back and he wanted to know why.

"What is it? Liv tell me."

"Man you Stablers are persistent. It's nothing, it's stupid."

"Tell me," he whispered to her while rubbing her back to coax her along.

"What if..what if you know? You don't..We're not…compatible."

Elliot laughed out loud and she started to pull away.

"Wait no don't leave. I'm just shocked that's all."

"I told you it was stupid, I never should've said anything."

"Are you really worried that it won't be good for me or we won't be good together?"

"It's a big step Elliot. Since everything went down with Lewis I was just never the same you know…sexually. I've had sex since then but its been hard for me to really connect. I think that's part of why Cassidy and I didn't make it and after I just haven't bothered to try and date anyone."

He took in her words and realized this was much more than insecurity about her performance in the bedroom but about the trauma she suffered.

He pulled her in and held her close as a few tears fell from her eyes.

"I didn't mean to make this sad. I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Don't ever apologize to me for that. Thank you for telling me. I was starting to think that maybe it was me."

"You? God Elliot no. Not at all. I'm so attracted to you. I have been for a long time and I want you too. So much. Too much to maybe that's why I'm overthinking it and worried that because of that situation it will screw everything up. I don't want to lose you either."

"Listen to me. You and I have always been so connected. If anything it's part of the reason why Cragen always wanted to split us up and why Kathy was always bothered by our relationship. We connect mentally and emotionally on a level that I can't even put in to words. I have no doubt that our physical connection will be just as strong," he said while rubbing her face and kissed her softly on the lips.

When he moved to pull back she reached in and began to kiss him passionately until Noah started crying.

"My son has excellent timing," she said laughing.

"He definitely does. He may be the reason I don't ever get any."

"Stop that!" she said while playfully slapping him on the chest. "Let me go get him."

"No..let me. I'm going to miss him this weekend so I want to get some time in while I can," he said before slipping into Noah's nursery.

In all the madness, she totally forgot that Elliot was set to start his rotations back in Virginia. She was going to miss him being around but she was determined to make time for them during the week since they wouldn't have the weekends to count on anymore. She walked over to the room to see Noah in Elliot's arms and he was once again rocking him back and forth and whispering in his ear. She thought as long as she lived she would never get tired of seeing them together.

"He was just having a nightmare. He's ok now," he said while placing Noah back in his crib. "I'm going to see you next week little guy. You take care of your mom for me until I get back." He kissed his fingers and placed them on the baby's cheek.

"Next week? I was just about to invite you over tomorrow to see us again." She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck.

"I have to fly out tomorrow. Since it's the first day of the new training class I have to get there a day early to get everything set up and meet with some of the other trainers. I just had to see you before I left."

"Oh," she said trying to mask her disappointment.

"My flight's early afternoon. I'm going to stop by and say goodbye to Eli before I go. I better get going, but thank you for dinner," he said placing a soft chaste kiss on her lips.

"You're thanking me? You did all the work."

"Well thank you for letting me spend time with you and see you before I left." They stood by the door and Elliot hesitated before opening it. He turned around and quickly pulled her into his arms. He knew it was only for a couple of days but it was the first time he had to leave her since they reconnected.

"I'm going to miss you so much Liv. Ill be back Monday. Can I see you then?" he asked while still holding her close.

"Of course. Just call me when you get back but also call me when you land tomorrow."

"Ok. Good night Liv," he said as he reached out to kiss her again.

"Good night."

With that he was gone.

While in bed her mind was racing thinking over their conversation. She was glad that she told Elliot about her intimacy concerns because she had no idea that he felt that maybe she wasn't attracted to him or just didn't want to cross that line. She couldn't help but feel silly now. Elliot was right. They were connected in almost every way. Even if there were issues with them intimately they would work through it like they did everything else.

Although it was late she reached over and decided to make a call and was surprised to hear him answer on the second ring.

"Olivia? Everything ok?" the voice asked.

"Yeah everything's fine. Sorry to call you so late. I need a favor."

XXXXX

Elliot's got in his final goodbyes with Eli before heading off to the airport. He had been exchanging text messages with Olivia all morning and couldn't wait for his weekend to be over so he could come back. While on the plane he sat back and thought over his conversation with Olivia the night before. Her concern about being intimate with him both relieved and angered him. He was relieved that it wasn't due to any reservations she had about him or their relationship but was angry that William Lewis had taken something else from her. He worked to get Lewis out of his mind quickly because it was a big trigger for his anger so he focused his thoughts on her. With thoughts of Olivia flooding his mind, his flight was over fairly quick.

"Well well well look who's back," a voice called behind Elliot.

"Heyyy Agent Johnson. Glad to be back," he responded as he walked the halls of the FBI Headquarters.

"You sure? You don't look like it."

"Nahh man I'm good. Which conference room are we in?"

"We are in 2B. I'm heading there myself," Johnson responded as they turned the corner to the room. "So how was your time off?"

Elliot simply smiled giving away everything.

"Well I guess that tells me everything I need to know. So you talked to her?"

"Who?"

"Don't bullshit me Stabler. Your ex-partner. Olivia. You talked to her?"

"Yeah we talked. We're doing good. Made coming back here bittersweet you know?"

They sat in the room as talked since they were the first ones to arrive. Eric Johnson had become one of Elliot's closest friends in the bureau and one of the few people he confided in about Olivia and some of his other personal issues.

"Yeah well it may become a bit more bittersweet," Johnson said cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

"We have to go back undercover."

XXXXX

Elliot paced back and forth in his apartment later that evening thinking about the undercover assignment. He had no idea they would have to disappear off the grid so soon. After meetings with his boss and a case agent, he found out he would only be teaching one class that weekend and then he would have to go undercover anywhere from two to six weeks depending on how the operation went. He had to try and infiltrate a drug ring in Waco, Texas and would leave in the middle of next week. He already called Kathy and told her as well as the kids who didn't take it well but was still supportive nonetheless. He picked up the phone to call Olivia and tell her but just couldn't bring himself to do it.

While pacing Elliot heard a knock on his door.

"Hey I was hoping I would catch you here," Johnson said as he walked in.

"Well you know me. Where else would I be?" Elliot responded. His tone was deflated and Johnson picked up on his sadness.

"Look man I'm sorry. I know the timing of this whole thing couldn't be worse but hey at least you not going under alone. It will be me, you and Simmons. With the three of us together we should be able to take down Morales and his squad in no time."

"Yeah I certainly hope so."

"Speaking of Simmons, him and a few of the other guys are at the bar a few blocks away. What do you say we go and grab a few?" he asked trying to lift Elliot's spirits.

"Yeah why not."

XXXX

Elliot was on his fourth beer and managed to be more relaxed. He exchanged a few text messages with Olivia checking to see how her day went and checking on Noah but didn't mention the undercover operation yet. He wanted to have that conversation face to face.

"Stabler who you over there texting man? You haven't put that phone down since you've been here," Simmons said earning laughs from the guys at the table.

"None of your business," he responded while taking a swig of his beer. He reached down and sent another text to Olivia.

_I miss you so much. I can't wait to get home to you._

_I miss you too baby. What do you have in mind for me when you get home?_

Elliot smirked. He thought the text was a bit more flirty than usual but he played it safely in case he was just reading more into the message than what she meant.

_I can't wait to hold you and kiss you._

_Is that it?_

Elliot sputtered on his beer and began to choke a little. He couldn't believe what she wrote. It was confirmed that she definitely was taking the texts to the next level. He composed himself to respond and there was another text waiting for him.

_Did I get you all choked up? How many beers do you plan on drinking tonight?_

His face shot up. "She's here," he said under his breath and began to look around.

"Stabler what you talking about over there?" Simmons asked.

Elliot didn't respond he just kept looking around trying to find where she was. It was a Friday night so the place was packed.

He finally spotted her at the bar and when they made eye contact she got up to come toward him. Their eyes remained locked on each other as she approached him in a sexy black dress. It wasn't too short or too long and hugged her curves in all the right places. Her hair was in waves and she had on high heels which made her legs look even longer.

The guys at the table looked in the direction they saw Elliot staring in and watched as Olivia approached.

"Hello there Agent Stabler. Surprise."

**A/N: Hope you all are still enjoying the story. Things get a bit spicy in the next chapter so if you are not into mature situations (ahem) you may want to skip next chapter. **


	19. First Time for Everything

Chapter 19: First Time for Everything

**A/N: Ok as I mentioned this chapter gets a bit mature. If this isn't your thing please skip this chapter and pick up with the next one. I'm not the best at writing smut but ill certainly give it a try!**

Olivia sauntered over to Elliot's table feeling extra bold now thanks to the drinks she had been consuming for the past half hour. She felt sexy in her black dress that she and Casey picked out at the last minute this morning on their impromptu shopping trip.

She held his gaze and smiled seductively as she watched him look over every inch of her body in shock like he couldn't believe she was actually there.

"Hello there Agent Stabler. Surprise."

Elliot continued to stare wide eyed unable to talk.

"Well Olivia nice to meet you in person. You found us," Eric said cheerfully and giving her a wink.

"You two know each other?" Elliot was finally able to squeak out. "How?"

"I put in a favor and called Cragen who put me in touch with your boss and they referred me to Eric. That's how I knew you would be here," she said smiling. She was trying to read his expression as he continued to be taken aback by what was going on around him.

"Are you surprised?" she asked while sitting down and rubbing his knee and thigh. Her touch sent a sensation shooting right to his groin and he struggled to get himself together.

"I would say he is, he hasn't been able to put a coherent sentence together in the past two minutes," Eric responded while the rest of the table erupted in laughter.

"You guys don't mind if I join you all do you?"

"Absolutely not. There's nothing better than the company of a beautiful woman," Simmons responded while also giving Olivia a look up and down. Elliot caught the look and immediately reacted by scooting close to her and putting his arm possesively around her back and shoulder.

"Are you sure it's ok that I'm here?" she whispered to him now that they were closer together.

"Baby it's more than ok. This is the best surprise I've had in a long time." He gave her a soft kiss on the lips before joining their foreheads together while she continued to slowly rub the insides of his thighs. Elliot tried hard to keep his breathing in check but having her so close and touching him caused him to start to lose control and he felt himself starting to strain against his pants. They were so lost in each other that they weren't paying attention to the conversation that was happening around them.

"Well how about we get another round. What do you say Olivia?" Simmons asked motioning toward one of the waitresses.

"Sur—"

"No thanks we actually need to get going," Elliot said shooting up from his chair. He reached for his coat and pulled Olivia up with him. He was eager to get her back to his place.

"Ahh now Stabler we were having such a good time. Ready to leave so soon?" one of the other agents asked teasing him.

"Man look at what he has to go home to. Of course he's ready to go. Have a good night. See you tomorrow," Johnson said as he got up to shake Olivia's hand. He leaned closer to Elliot as she said goodbye to the other agents at the table, "Hey man, Ill take the first part of your course in the morning so you won't have to come in until the afternoon. You're welcome."

"Thanks man. I owe you," he chuckled as he pulled him in a side hug.

"Bye everyone," Olivia called out as Elliot practically dragged her out of the bar. "In a hurry Stabler?" she asked laughing at his eagerness.

They walked a few steps before he stopped suddenly and pulled her into a deep kiss. "Are you sure Liv? Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked searching her eyes for any hesitation. He needed to be sure before he started to touch her or before they got back to his place because he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself once he started.

"El," she said in a low voice while grabbing his bottom lip between her teeth and kissing him, "I've never been so sure of anything. Let's go home baby."

He grinned wide as they walked fast the few blocks back to his apartment. Olivia was trying to slow him down because she was in high heels but the pure adrenaline and anticipation of what they were about to do was spurring her on.

As they arrived at his apartment building it seemed as if the elevators were taking forever. Olivia rubbed his hand back and forth while they waited. She could feel the tension radiating from him and as they got closer her heart was thumping in her chest so loud she thought he could hear it. This was it. After all this time and everything they had been through for more than 15 years, they were going to make love for the first time. The thought alone made her weak in the knees.

"Finally!" Elliot said as the elevator opened.

They walked in with hands joined and he stepped behind her as the door closed. The air between them was growing more and more thick as the elevator ascended to his floor. As she listened to the elevator dings as they passed each floor she let out a slight gasp as he wrapped his hand around her waist and pulled her flush against his body. She could feel his erection digging into her backside and his hot breath on her neck. The sensation was enough to almost make her sway back and forth and she immediately started to feel the wetness between her legs. Noticing her reaction he leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Almost there. This is your last chance to back out." He started to nibble on her ear and she let out a soft moan that made him even harder.

"Not a chance," she said in a voice so full of want and need that she could barely recognize it.

"I can't wait to be inside you baby," he whispered. With that Olivia moaned and had to hold on to the side of the elevator just to keep her balance. She had never been so turned on in her life and her skin was on fire.

She barely registered the elevator stopping, heading to his door and walking in because she was in a lust filled daze.

"Do you need anything? Something to drink?" he offered her fast but she could tell it was just to be polite. He was already taking off his shoes and looking towards his bedroom.

"No. I'm good," she managed to reply in a small voice.

He led her tothe bedroom and turned on one of his lamps next to the bed. Olivia tried to look around and take in her surroundings but watching him unbutton his cuffs and begin to remove his shirt immediately distracted her.

"Let me," she said softly. "I've been thinking about doing this for a long time."

She moved over to him and evaded his attempts at kissing her while she unbuttoned his shirt. She knew once his mouth touched hers that this would take on a whole new pace and she wanted to take in the sight of as much of his body as she could.

Once she had the shirt opened she began to kiss his neck and moved down toward his chest. He let out a moan that vibrated in his chest as he placed his hand on the back of her head rubbing through her soft brown locks. "Liv," he moaned her name out like a prayer. She reached for his belt and her hand brushed against his erection. It knocked him forward and he rested his hands on the small of her back and began to kiss her neck while she continued to work on taking off his pants.

She could tell he was trying to hold himself back from touching her more. Both of them were taking shallow breaths trying to calm themselves. She planned to come to DC and be the aggressor since she was the one who made the trip and wanted to show him just how ready she was. However, it was clear that it wouldn't be long before Elliot would take over and she was more than okay with that.

Once his pants fell he stepped out of them she grabbed for his boxer briefs and he stopped her. She was confused for a moment until he whispered in her ear. "Liv if you touch me this will be over a lot sooner than either one of us want it to be."

She smiled at his words and he leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was slow at first but he began to move his tongue back and forth on her lips begging for entry. Once she complied their pace picked up instantly and the kiss became urgent. Both of their tongues were vying for dominance and Elliot eventually won. While he continued to assault her lips he reached behind her to unzip her dress and stepped back to admire her body. She wore a matching black lace bra and panties that Elliot couldn't wait to take off. Her nipples were straining against her bra and she was shaking under his stare.

"You are so fucking beautiful Liv," he said beginning to kiss her again. "So beautiful." He took off her bra and gently laid her down on the bed. He began to palm her breasts and flicked her nipples as he kissed his way down the length of her body. She moaned and gripped his sheets hard as he landed on the waistband of her panties. He looked up to make eye contact with her while she parted her legs and it was all the permission he needed. As he pulled her panties down she let out another moan as his breath hitched when she was revealed to him for the first time.

"So beautiful," he said as he started to kiss the inside of her thighs.

"Mhmm," she moaned as he got closer and closer to her core and she knew what he planned to do. She held her breath in anticipation as he wrapped his forearms around her thighs to hold her firmly in place. He licked along her slit causing her to jump slightly at the contact. He continued to lick and nip along her folds before sucking on her clit. Olivia felt herself climbing higher and higher as Elliot then stuck a finger inside of her. He continued to move his finger while licking her and she thought she was going to explode.

"El!" she screamed unable to hold back any longer and she spiraled into ecstasy as her body shook. Elliot lapped up all her juices and kissed her sensitive mound as she came down from her orgasm.

He kissed his way back up her body and Olivia reached down to remove his underwear removing the last barrier between them. Her body was screaming to have him inside her. She stroked his length and he groaned in her neck when she began to move her hips into him letting him know that she was ready.

He braced himself on his forearms and she lined him up at her entrance. She pulled his face in her hands and stared into his crystal blue eyes. "I love you so much Elliot. I always have." She saw the emotion in his eyes as he registered her words and kissed her again. "I love you too Olivia, more than you know." He then sunk deep into her causing both of them to moan in pleasure.

Olivia's breathing increased as she spread her legs wider to allow him to go deeper. He was bigger than she was used to and Elliot waited a moment before moving to give her time to adjust.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

He pulled out completely before sinking into her again.

"Aghh, it feels so good baby," she whispered in his ear.

"You're so tight Liv. Feels so good," he responded increasing his rhythm. Her hips were meeting him thrust for thrust. Their moans filled the room and Elliot knew he wouldn't last much longer. He picked up her right leg and put it over his shoulder to get a better angle and thrust deeper into her. She began to cry out and he could tell she was close.

"El, ahh, I'm about to-," she screamed.

"Come for me baby."

That was all it took to send her over the edge. Her body stiffened and clenched around him causing him to cry out and spill into her after a few more thrusts.

Exhausted and sated she held him as he fell onto her after his orgasm. He was heavy on her but she didn't care. His head was on her chest under her chin and she gently stroked his sweat filled back as they both waited for their heart rates to slow down.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked attempting to get up.

"No please. Stay here," she said pulling him back down.

"Your wish is my command." He reached down to pull the blanket back over them so they wouldn't get cold. They spent a few minutes in comfortable silence before Elliot broke the silence.

"So…I never thought I would see the day when Olivia Benson would take a flight for a booty call," he said joking.

"Well there's a first time for everything." They both laughed.

"I'm glad you did," he said more serious leaning up to look her in the eye.

"I'm glad I did too." She kissed him softly. "It was definitely worth the trip."

"I hope so. When do you have to leave?" he asked tentatively. He wished she could stay the whole weekend.

"My flight is at noon. I would love to stay babe but I want to get in some time with Noah too."

"I understand. You're here now and that's what matters."

He kissed her again and switched their positions so she would now be lying on his chest giving her a little relief.

"I have to tell you something."

Olivia immediately stiffened at his serious tone.

"I have to go back undercover starting next week. It's supposed to be for a few weeks. Could go longer." She was quiet and he began to worry. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine. You gotta do what you gotta do."

"Liv—"

"No it's really ok El. This is your job. You were upfront about that and this was always a possibility."

"Yeah," he sighed.

"You sound worried."

"No it's just that we just found each other again. I don't want to have to leave you now. I don't know how I can spend weeks not talking to you and seeing you," he said kissing her on the top of her hair.

"You did it before." The words were out before she could take it back and he tensed beneath her. "I didn't mean it like that I just meant that we can get through this. At least this time we know where we stand with each other, what the length of time will be and that we will do what we can to make this work. I love you Elliot and no undercover operation and time away is going to change that. I think that's pretty obvious."

"Yes it is," he said simply. "I'm going to wrap up this undercover operation as quick as I can and get back home to you, Noah and the kids."

"That's all we can ask for."

She pulled him into another kiss and felt the desire burning deep in her belly. She rolled over to straddle him and was surprised to see that he was already hard.

"Hmm, seems like someone is ready for round two," she grinned.

"Oh yes. Just so you know Liv, I've got years worth of sexual frustration built up so you wont be getting much sleep tonight."

"Mhmm," was all she could say as she slid down his length and began to move.

XXXX

**A/N 2: Let me just say that I apologize for how long it took me to get this chapter done but I am still reeling from the season finale this week. I wanted this story to mimic what was going on in the season but I will not change this story to include Amaro's leaving because I think it's bs. I have no idea why they would write Danny Pino out of the series because I think that Nick had a lot of story left to tell. I have to admit that I was not the biggest fan of him when he first came on to the show because I was upset about Meloni leaving but I think he did a fantastic job weaving himself into the show and I truly will miss him. He seems like such a nice guy off camera too. Between him and Matthew Goode leaving the Good Wife I'm just not having a good week, lol.**

**I won't even get into my feelings on the comments Olivia made about Stabler because that will just turn into a much longer rant.**

**Ok, now that I got that out of the way what did you guys think of the chapter? Please review!**


	20. See you later

**A/N: Ok let me clear up my feelings about the Stabler comment without too much of a rant since a few reviewers mentioned it to me. I got the essence of what she was trying to say but I felt that the statement was worded wrong. She has definitely grown more with the Elliot character gone but I think that's attributed to what the writers have decided to put Olivia through. There is no way the William Lewis storyline would've happened if Elliot were there because we know Elliot don't play that. He would've never gotten his hands on Olivia. I don't think she would be Sergeant because I think she was content just being his partner. So yes she's grown but it's because she had to because he wasn't there and she had to learn not to lean on him so much. There was a mutual co-dependence between the two of them I just think Elliot hid it better. Her statement on the show made it seem like he held her back as opposed to her holding herself back because of how she felt about him and that's what my problem was. So this chapter is nothing but Elliot and Olivia because after what happened last week I just wanted to focus on something that was just them. This chapter is a bit fluffy so I will warn you now but hey we could all use a little E/O fluff. ;-)**

XXXXX

Olivia could feel the slight warmth of the sun begin to warm her shoulder. She attempted to roll over to check the time on her nightstand but she felt something holding her firmly in place. It took a few moments before she finally realized that it was Elliot's arm around her waist holding her body flush against his. Slowly the memories of last night began to come to her. She wasn't at home in bed but in Virginia after she surprised him. They returned to his apartment where they made love well into all hours of the night. She would've thought it was all a dream if it wasn't for their naked bodies closely intertwined and the hint of soreness she feels in her limbs and between her legs. They had certainly made up for lost time. After their first time a second closely followed with Elliot taking his time and kissing every inch of her body. The memory brings a smile to her face and she reaches up to touch her swollen lips with one hand while rubbing his hand curled up at her waist with the other.

He stirs slightly and she is careful not to wake him up. She wants to take a few moments to take in everything that happened last night and watch him while he's sleeping. She's caught glances of him when he dozed off at her house a few times while they watched movies but this is different. This is much more intimate. He's wrapped into her body completely. His left leg is wedged between both of hers. His hip digs into hers and he's so close that she feels his breath on the back of her neck. Even in bed they fit perfectly. With Brian she would end up on the other side of the bed or when he would try to hold her she would get out of the hold because it was either too hot or uncomfortable. But with Elliot it's different. But then again everything with him always is. She could stay with him like this for hours but of course she has to get back home and he has to get back to work.

She takes a chance and tries to move over on her back so she can see more of him. Elliot is heavy and has a death grip around her so it makes it hard for her to move. It annoys her for a brief second that she can't move but then the significance of it is not lost on her. He's made so many references to not wanting to let her go or wanting them apart ever again that his grip on her is expected. The sweetness of the gesture makes her smile more.

She finally makes it somewhat on her back and begins to rub the forearm he has that's around her. The other one is behind the pillow he is laying on. Her eyes move to his chest and she sees a few of the battle scars that he has accumulated over the years yearning to reach out and kiss every one of them. They were so frenzied last night that she didn't get a chance to but she makes a mental note to do that another time.

"Do you like what you see Benson?" he sleepily asks from the pillow. "Busted." He's wearing a smile that she's gotten used to seeing over the time since they have reconnected that she rarely saw when they were partners.

"Yes I do like what I see. Very much," she reaches down to rub noses with him before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"How did you sleep?" he asks rubbing her face and staring at her like he can't believe she's there.

"Good. Better than I've slept in a long time. You?"

"Well I didn't get too much sleep," he says wagging his eyebrows and earning a playful slap from Olivia, "but it is better than I've slept in a long time because you were here. Thank you."

"For the sleep or the sex?"

Now it's his turn to give her a playful tap.

"For both and just for coming out here. I know it couldn't have been easy Liv with your schedule and with Noah so I appreciate it more than you know," he says in a serious sincere tone.

"You are very welcome. I'm glad I came."

"And that you did, multiple times."

"Oh my god, you are ridiculous," she says trying to hit him but he is faster than her and captures her hands in his and pins them to the side of her head while leaning over her. She tries to wrestle away from him but he holds her down and just gazes at her. She begins to feel shy under his gaze and look down but he immediately reaches down and picks her chin back up.

"You are beautiful Liv. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

She's uncomfortable with the compliment and reaches up to tangle his lips with hers to distract him. As their kisses heat up, her phone rings.

"Oh no," Elliot groans in her neck.

"Relax that's probably Don. I texted him last night to call me as soon as he and Noah woke up."

Before Elliot can ask any more questions she's on the phone. He faintly listens to their conversation while perusing her body. He still can't get over the fact that she's in his apartment in DC. The cozy apartment had never really felt like home but like a hotel room. The kids minus Dickie had come up once to help him settle in. With Olivia in his bed and her clothes on his floor the place has more light and hope in it than it ever has before. His gentle rubs as she talks quickly turn into kisses on her arms, her neck, in her hair and whatever piece of skin is exposed.

He laughs at her attempt to really focus on her conversation with Don while he continues to kiss her. The fact that it is their old boss just spurs him on even more. He knows that for years Don was afraid of how close they were and knew they had feelings for each other. The irony that he is the one to watch Noah while she flew to to see him is not lost on him. He's also happy that she is able to find a father figure in him. He had suspected based on how ferociously he protected Olivia when he tried to enter back into her life at the wrong time that they had grown closer and was worried that they would lose touch when he retired but he couldn't be more wrong.

"Ok, thanks again Don. I land around 1:30pm and I'll be straight over there from the airport," she said wrapping up the conversation.

"Yeah thanks Don!" Elliot yells from the background shocking Olivia. He hears Don's chuckles on the other end of the phone mixed with some of Noah's babbling.

"I can't believe you," she says in mock irritation as she sets the phone back down.

"Oh please Liv. Don knows the deal. I think he always has."

"Yeah I guess he has. He and Noah are having a great time it sounds like."

They kiss a little longer before Olivia feels his erection at her hip."

"Really El? Already?" she laughs in between kisses.

"Sixteen years Liv. Sixteen. I have a lot of time to make up for," he begins to pull the sheet back that's still somewhat separating them. Olivia's legs separate instinctively and Elliot stares in amazement.

"Are you sure you aren't too sore?" he asks concerned.

"Don't flatter yourself Stabler," she says playfully using her right leg to coax him down further onto her.

"Oh I could do this Liv. Every morning."

"Someone has quite the sex drive."

"No I mean this. You and me. I don't want to rush you. I'm not trying to scare you but the thought of waking up to you every morning, the banter, the chit chat and holding you. I can't think of anything better."

He's immediately nervous at his confession and wonders if it's too much for her. He doesn't want her to retreat. She's given so much to him already and still surprising him with the way she has opened herself up to their relationship and to him again.

"I can't either. I love you El."

"I love you too."

With those words he sinks deep into her. She's ready for him. Very ready. And the sounds of their lovemaking fill the room.

Olivia wakes up a couple of hours later to the smell of food and the sounds of Elliot in the kitchen. She goes to the bathroom and picks up one of his shirts along the way to put on before she heads out to see him. In the bathroom she laughs at her reflection in the mirror. She looks like someone who has been thoroughly fucked judging by her hair that is going in many directions but she also sees someone who is calm and in love. She'd finally told him last night how she felt and immediately felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. She knows that Elliot knew how she felt before she told him but it felt good to be able to say the words to him after all this time and hear them back.

After taking care of her needs in the bathroom she heads to the kitchen to see what he has cooked. She hadn't eaten anything since she boarded the plane yesterday and after their activities last night, she's famished.

She turns the corner to see Elliot at the stove scrambling eyes with nothing on but sweatpants that hang deliciously low on his waste accenting the V shape that he has leading down to his pelvis. She is watching him move with such a comfort and grace around the kitchen that she doesn't think she has seen before. He's always been in such control of his body but she's used to seeing him tense and running after perps not this. _This is Elliot in a relationship._ In those moments when she would actually allow herself to think about him and what his life was like outside of work she often wondered what he was like just on a Sunday afternoon around his house. If he helped with the housework or did things in the yard. There was something truly endearing about him fixing her breakfast.

She crept up behind him and snaked her hands around his chest and placed a kiss on his back. There were so many sexy parts of him but she particularly liked his back. His arms were a close second. As she kissed him she was surprised to feel the desire start to loom low in her belly again. She couldn't believe she wanted him..again.

"You awake sleepyhead?" he asked reaching back to kiss the top of her head.

"Yeah, you should've woken me up. I could've helped you."

"Don't worry about it. You were so peaceful I didn't want to wake you," he said as he kissed the top of her head again and scooped some eggs on to a plate next to bacon and toast. "Have a seat. Breakfast is served and here's your cup of coffee."

"Hmmm I could get used to this."

"You should get used to this," he says placing a kiss on her shoulder.

They ate in a comfortable silence as Elliot watched Olivia completely devour her plate. He didn't give her much of a chance to eat last night before he dragged her out of the bar so he wasn't surprised at how hungry she was. He watched as she licked her fingers and thought it was the most adorable thing ever. It saddened him because he knew how much he was going to miss her.

"I have to get going soon to catch the second half of my class."

"Why don't I clean up in here and you go and take a shower?"

"Or we both clean up in here and we both go and have a shower," he counters and begins to play with the hem of her shirt.

"You are insatiable."

After having sex again in the shower and getting dressed, they prepare to say their goodbyes in the lobby of Elliot's apartment building.

"I'm sorry I don't have enough time to drop you off at the airport."

"It's fine El. I'm going to take the train and I'll be there in no time."

"Ok."

"Ill see you in a few days," she says as she hugs his neck and kisses him.

"Text me when you land."

She holds his forehead to hers for a few more moments before she reaches back.

She knows she will see him soon but goodbyes are harder now than they used to be. Maybe it's because before they would leave each other and not say goodbye. She went to computer crimes and to Oregon without a word to him. He disappeared from her life for almost four years and didn't say goodbye. This is why. Goodbyes were hard then when they couldn't express how they felt and acknowledge why it was hard to let go but they are that much harder now.

"Goodbye Elliot."

"See you later Liv."

**A/N: You know I love reviews. Keep them coming.**


	21. New Beginnings

Chapter 21: New Beginnings

Elliot walked into headquarters about half an hour before he had to begin his class. While the recruits enjoyed lunch he headed to the classroom to get prepared. He found Johnson sitting at the desk packing up.

"Hey man. You got here just in time. Class went good this morning."

Elliot reached out to shake his hand. "Thanks again. I appreciate it."

"Yeah you look like you appreciate it," he said teasing Elliot. "So a good night hunh?"

Elliot wasn't sure how to respond. Johnson was a close friend but he didn't want to talk about Olivia in such a way that would make anyone think any less of her and he didn't want to gossip.

"It was a great night. She's on her way back to New York now. I can't believe you were able to keep her arrival a secret from me."

"I know how you feel about her Stabler. I was just as surprised as you when I got the call. The second I talked to her I knew she loved you just as much you loved her. I'm happy for you man. You deserve it. Plus the look on your face was absolutely priceless."

Johnson's sincerity touched Elliot. He had proven himself to be a great partner. He worried he would never be able to work with anyone the way he worked with Olivia so when he was partnered with him when he got to the Bureau he was more than a little hesitant. Of course they weren't nearly as close or dependent on each other and he was with Olivia but they had each other's backs and supported each other like any good partners would. He covered for Johnson on several occasions when his fiancé was upset because he was working long hours or was called on an undercover assignment. At the time Elliot didn't have much going on personally so he hadn't minded picking up the extra assignments. He was grateful that Johnson returned the favor for him this morning so he could have some extra time with Olivia.

"Thanks. It just sucks to be leaving in a few days."

"Haha. Man you got it bad. I remember when you used to look forward to our undercover assignments. How did she take it when you told her?"

"She actually took it better than me. That's the thing about Liv. She gets it. She's always been the job so if anyone understands how it all goes it's her."

"You think you could get her to talk to my girl?" he laughed.

"She still giving you a hard time?" he asked sitting down and giving Johnson his full attention.

"Yeah. Some days it's fine, others it's a problem. I keep telling her she knew what I was when we got together and that's not going to change so she either has to accept it or…," he responded sadly. Elliot sympathized with him. He had gone through more than his fair share of arguments with Kathy about work and being gone so he knew what Johnson was going through. He wanted to reassure him that everything would be all right but he liked him too much to lie to him.

"How about this? When we get back from this assignment, you and Chelsea come down to New York for a night, double date with me and Liv. We can do a broadway show and dinner on me. I'm sure she will love the romantic night away and I'll see if Liv will talk to her. We owe you one."

"That's actually a great idea. You're on." They bumped fists to seal the deal. "Alright Stabler your students are on the way. Let me get out of here. I'll see you later man."

He pulled out his phone to text Olivia before class started.

_Will be in class for the next 4 hours. Don't forget to text me when you land. Love you._

XXXXX

True to her word, Olivia texted Elliot as soon as she landed.

_I made it. Thanks for a lovely night. Talk to you soon. Love you._

She smiled as she sent the text. It was nice to be able to tell him she loved him. Words that were once so hard for her to express flowed freely from her now and she wanted to scream from the rooftops that she loved Elliot Stabler. She headed straight to Don's to pick up Noah and was thankful to find them both in one piece.

"Hey Noah. Look who's here," Don told the little boy who was playing on the floor. He ran over to Olivia as he spotted her.

"Hey there," she said as she scooped him up. "Oh I missed you so much. Were you a good boy for Grandpa Don?"

"He was great. Eileen helped me entertain him and he played with one of her grandchildren. It may be too soon to tell but I think he may have found his future wife."

"Oh really now. Noah are you turning on the charm already?" She tickled him and he started to giggle.

Don stood back and watched Olivia with Noah and couldn't help but smile at the scene before him. She was happier than he had seen her in the nearly 20 years he'd known her.

"So how was your trip?" he asked prying.

"It was wonderful. Thanks for all your help. I know it was such a last minute favor and getting me in touch with Elliot's partner."

"I'm just glad it all came together. Was he surprised?"

"Oh you have no idea. You should've seen his face," she said laughing at the memory. Don laughed with her. "He's working with a great group of guys. I'm glad I got to meet them too."

"Yeah when we worked on getting him the assignment up there, the Special Agents they told me he would be working with are all top notch. Been in the bureau awhile and we knew they would be able to help him get adjusted." Olivia nodded in acknowledgement. "Of course nothing could compare to his old partner, but I'm pretty sure he would prefer the arrangement that you two have now over anything else."

Olivia blushed. "I'm sure he would."

"Thank you," he said.

She was confused. "For what?"

"For listening to me for once and talking to him. I know it was a lot to take in but obviously you guys got through it and came out on the other side. I'm proud of you. Of both of you."

She suddenly had tears in her eyes and reached out to hug him.

"Thank you for the advice. It's crazy to think that this is where we are. I didn't know if I would ever hear from Elliot again let alone…"

"Be in a relationship with him?" Don finished for her.

"Yeah. I guess I just never believed we would actually get here."

"I think we are all glad you did. You both drove us all crazy for years. It's nice to see it all pan out," he said as she laughed. "Happy looks good on you Olivia."

XXXX

_Two Days Later_

Elliot arrived back in New York anxious to see his kids and Olivia. He wanted to see her first before he headed off to see the kids and then come back to her but she was in Chicago working on a case. He didn't get many details from her other than it was a case they worked on 10 years earlier that somehow had ties to Chicago. Kathy called him shortly after he landed telling him to come to the house since the kids were all there.

When he arrived at the house he was a bit nervous because he didn't know how much she had told the kids about Olivia. He wanted the opportunity to tell them himself and he didn't know if the conversation was appropriate now since he had such limited time with them.

"Hey dad's here!" Lizzie yelled and ran to hug him.

"Hey kiddo. How you holding up?" he said returning her embrace.

"I'm fine dad. You worry too much."

"You know I will never stop worrying honey. You will understand one day when you have kids."

"Daddy!" Eli shrieked running up to him.

"Hey there champ. Did you miss me?"

"Of course. Daddy why do you have to leave? You have to go under the blanket again."

"That's undercover shrimp," Dickie answered before Elliot could respond. "Nice to see you dad."

Elliot was so taken aback he didn't respond. He just hugged him and kept patting him on the back. Tears were brimming on his eyelids and he blinked several times to keep them from falling. He was encouraged by the conversation he had with Dickie a few weeks ago and they had little talks here and there over the phone but seeing his son in front of him there to see him off was overwhelming.

"Thanks for coming son," he managed to choke out.

"No problem."

Kathy and Maureen joined them in the foyer just in time to witness the scene. Kathy wiped away at her tears and silently thanked God that her oldest son and his father had managed to find their way back to each other. She thought for the first time that they really would be alright.

"So who's hungry?" Kathy asked.

"Me! Me! Me!" Eli squealed raising his hand.

"Ok. I made dad's favorite so let's sit down and eat."

"Sounds good to me. Hey dad," Maureen said finally getting a chance to hug him.

After they ate, Dickie and Eli went to the living room to play a video game while Kathy cleaned up. Maureen, Lizzie and Elliot were on the back porch talking and drinking beers. He caught them up on the Academy, Maureen talked about her husband and Lizzie talked about her new apartment. After the small talk ended, the girls pried a bit more.

"So how are things going with Olivia?" Lizzie asked.

"Subtle Liz," Maureen said rolling her eyes.

"What? You know you want to know. I've never been one to beat around the bush."

Elliot chuckled uncomfortably. "Well you are your father's daughter," he said kissing her forehead.

"So how's it going? I'm glad you kept your promise and said something to her and that you guys are giving it a shot.."

"Now how do you know I did that?"

"Because you are the happiest I've seen you in a long time. You're practically glowing."

"Oh please. You've been reading too many of those magazines," Elliot said taking another swig of his beer.

They both paused waiting on him to say something.

"Ok fine yes we are…close. I just don't want to get too much into it because I wanted to sit all of you guys down together and really talk about everything. I want to do this the right way because she means a lot to me and it's important to me that you all are okay with this and not uncomfortable."

"Dad," Maureen said putting her hand over his ,"We appreciate you being careful with us. But I think after everything we have gone through these past few years, we can handle you and Olivia dating."

Elliot took another drink from his bottle taking in what Maureen said. He hated that his kids had gone through so much. He spent so much time trying to shield them from the ugly part of his job and the world but they still ended up having to endure more than what most kids should have to.

"I know honey. I know you guys have been through hell and I'm so sorry about that," he said pausing a moment before he talked again. "I just want every night from now on to be like tonight. All of us together and getting along..and that includes Noah and Olivia. I'm not asking for us to be the Waltons or anything but I want it all to just be ok. Does that make sense?"

"Yes it does dad and it will be. We all love Olivia. Even Dickwad. I know he gave her a hard time that one time a few years but he does like her. We will accept Noah too. You have our word on that," Lizzie said with Maureen nodding in agreement.

"Even if it hurts your mom?" he asked tentatively.

"I know it's been tough for mom to accept," Maureen said with Elliot eyeing her suspiciously. "Yeah she told us," she continued. "It's a little awkward for her considering Olivia was always like a part of the family but she really did see the writing on the wall years ago. Part of getting us all here together tonight was like a new beginning for all of us. We've finally moved past all of that stuff that happened and we are together again…and we are ready to accept Olivia and Noah into the fold as well."

Elliot teared up again and reached out to hug his daughters. "I love you both."

"We love you too," Maureen said.

"How about a toast?" Lizzie asked raising her beer. "To new beginnings."

"To new beginnings," they said in unison clinking their beers together.

XXXXX

**A/N: Thank you to all the new people that are following the story and to all those that have been there from the beginning. You guys are fantastic. Thanks for the reviews as well. Chris Meloni is actually filming his new series in my city and I'm really hoping to "Accidentally" run into him somewhere. ;-)**


	22. It's Always the Job

Chapter 22: It's Always the Job

A/N: I was able to get another chapter out of the way before the weekend draws to a close. Yay me! Warning, this chapter does have a little adult scene in it so you know how it works. If it's not your thing, please skim past it. The scene is in bold print so you will know what not to read. Thanks again to all the new followers and all the people who are still reviewing!

Olivia barreled from the airport and hurried to call Elliot. It was the evening before he left the next morning for this assignment and she knew she wouldn't have much time with him. She was determined to get in as much time as she could. She texted him from the car.

_Hey just landed. Meet me at my place?_

_Already here. Hurry up beautiful._

She arrived to her apartment exhausted from the flight but was excited to see her two favorite guys. She turned the key to her door and was unprepared for the scene in front of her.

"Hey Olivia!" Eli said running up to her. She noticed the little boy had his pajamas on and despite how excited he was to see her she could tell he was tired. He gave her a hug before heading back to play on the floor.

"Hey there. Welcome home," Elliot said coming to greet her with Noah in his arms. He gave her a hug and had to hold back from kissing her unsure if she felt comfortable with that type of affection in front of the kids. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to spring this on you with Eli being here. He wanted to stay with me as long as he could befo—," Olivia kissed him cutting him off mid sentence.

"Oh gross daddy you kissed a girl," Eli said.

They both laughed.

"It's ok. I'm just glad I got to see you before you left and I definitely don't mind the company," she said before placing another peck on his lips. "Hey Noah. Come here sweetie."

"I relieved Lucy a few hours ago. Apparently she has a date tonight so she was happy for the relief."

"So you are bonding with the nanny now too? I'm impressed," she said walking towards the kitchen. "Wait is that food I smell?"

"It is. Nothing fancy, just spaghetti. The boys have already been fed, bathed and on their way to bed they just wanted to stay up to say good night to you."

Olivia stood in the kitchen dumbfounded. It was times like this that she was really reminded at how much Elliot changed in the time they were apart. She couldn't imagine that he would've done anything like this before.

"Are you ok?" he asked concerned. "If I overstepped I'm sorry."

"No you didn't. I just can't believe you did all this," she said getting a little emotional. "Thank you."

"You are welcome."

"Can I put them to bed? Since I missed out on all the fun."

"How about we do it together?"

"Deal."

Olivia carried Noah into the nursery while Elliot carried Eli over his shoulder after he put up some protest to going to bed so soon. Olivia put Noah in his crib and kissed him while Elliot put Eli in the day bed and gave him a hug. They switched up and said good night to the other child.

"Olivia I'm not tired. I want to stay up with you and daddy," Eli whined while stifling a yawn.

"You seem pretty tired to me. How about this? You go to sleep now and then we will wake up early and make daddy breakfast in the morning before he has to leave."

"Promise?" Eli asked holding out his pinky finger.

"I promise." Olivia said wrapping her pinky in his. "Now good night. Sweet dreams."

"Daddy?"

"Yes Eli," Elliot said exasperated. His son was relentless when it came to bedtime.

"I've got a secret to tell you."

Elliot bent over to listen and chuckled lightly after. "Me too son. Me too. Now good night."

"Good night Daddy and Olivia."

As Elliot closed the door, Olivia eyed him waiting for him to tell him what Eli said.

"So?"

"Didn't you hear him? It's a secret," he said teasing her.

"Oh really. Well I guess since you won't tell me," she pretended to yawn, "I guess I'll just go straight to sleep."

"Oh no you don't," he said grabbing her and leaning her against the kitchen counter. "We still haven't had a proper greeting."

"Hmmm, and what's that?" she moaned.

"**How about I show you?" he kissed her and made his way down her neck. "I couldn't stop thinking about you Liv. These last couple days, I can't get my mind off you," he said between kisses.**

**"Me too. I was trying so hard to concentrate in Chicago. Every free second I had I just couldn't you off my mind baby," she said beginning to remove his shirt.**

**Elliot lifted his arms so she could get his t-shirt off. "You haven't even had dinner yet. You sure you don't want to eat something first?" he asked as she toyed with the waistband on his sweatpants.**

**"Mmmm, I have an appetite for something else," she said as she took his hand and led him to the bedroom. She locked the bedroom door and proceeded to finish what she started with his sweatpants. "We have to be really quiet," she said as she slid his pants down.**

**"You think you can manage that Sergeant. You didn't do so well with that at my place," he said while unbuttoning her blouse.**

**"I'm sure I can." He moved to unbuckle her pants and immediately reached down into her panties.**

**"You sure about that?" he asked while starting to kiss her neck and rubbing her core at the same time.**

**"Mmmm, yeah. I'm sure," she breathed out. When he stuck a finger inside of her she bit her bottom lip to stifle a groan but he was right, it was really hard for her. She wasn't usually the vocal type in bed but the way Elliot made her feel was unlike anything she experienced before.**

**"You're dripping baby," he whispered in her ear. **

**This time there was no foreplay. He finished taking off the rest of her clothes and gently pushed her on the bed. He entered her soon after her head hit the pillow. Olivia buried her head in his shoulder upon impact to stop herself from moaning out loud. Elliot pulled her into a kiss as he continued to move. He moved slowly at first taking long deep strokes that drove her wild. Her vision blurred in ecstasy as they moved back and forth in unison. It wasn't long before she was going over the edge. Elliot tried to hold off his climax but he followed her soon after.**

"I'm sorry," Olivia said kissing him on the chest.

"For what?" he asked confused.

"For practically pouncing on you the second I walked in the door."

He laughed and kissed her on the forehead. "For the record baby, you never have to apologize for that. Ever."

"Good. So are you going to tell me what Eli said now?"

"Are you going to tell me what you and Kathy talked about?" he teased. "Why are you so worried?"

"I don't know I guess I'm feeling a little self conscious about how your kids are doing with all of this. I talked to Kathy and she seemed fine but the kids are another matter. I just thought that maybe Eli said something that pertained to the situation."

"Well first of all Eli is seven so there's not too much wisdom he will have to give about the situation but I can see this is really bothering you. He just said that he likes you."

"He did?"

"Are you really shocked by that?"

"I know he's only seven El but being here like this with me, you and Noah that's got to be weird for him so for him to say that in that particular moment is a little shocking."

"Ok, I guess I can get that. So how does it feel for you? You seemed a bit off guard when you came in."

"That's an understatement," she said as she got up and pulled on a t-shirt and yoga pants from her dresser.

"Where are you going?" he asked tentatively. He wanted to ask her more about what she said.

"I'm going to fix some of that spaghetti. Thanks to you I am now famished."

She returned a few minutes later with a plate and two forks.

"I wasn't sure if you got a chance to eat with the kids here so I bought you a fork too."

They ate a few bites in silence in bed. Olivia couldn't help but smile and stare at Elliot as he ate.

"This is the second time I've caught you smiling and staring at me. What gives Benson?" he asked as he wiped his mouth.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No just wondering what you are thinking that's all. You walked out before you got a chance to finish about being taken off guard when you came in."

"Well not in a bad way. I just didn't.. I ummm…I guess I don't really know how to explain it."

"Can you try just a little? I'm feeling a little on edge here Liv."

"Like I said it's not bad. I am taken aback because it's weird that this doesn't feel weird. Does that make sense? I came in and saw you with Noah and Eli fixing dinner and me coming home from work and it just seemed so…familiar. Like this is the way it should be. You know I've never had a family. Noah was my first shot at that and I was worried when I first got him that maybe I shouldn't date anyone because I didn't want to mess up our routine. I didn't want to have someone else for him to get used to and I didn't know when I should introduce that person to him you know all that stuff that I'm pretty sure all single moms go through. But everything about us and this has just been.."

"Familiar?" he finished for her and taking the empty plate and putting on the nightstand.

"Yeah. When I used to think about you and me when we were partners I just couldn't picture a scenario where it would work out. It always seemed like with all the other factors like work, the kids, Kathy, me and my stellar romantic record and you with your charming ways that it would just be too difficult."

"I think that's why they say timing is everything. Honestly if we would've tried to get together back then I don't know that it wouldn't have been as difficult as you imagined it would be."

"True."

He decided to switch gears.

"You didn't tell me about Chicago. What's this case you were working on?"

"Brief version. Remember the rapist/murderer that painted the victims' nails green?"

"Yeah vaguely."

"Well they found a body in a fire and I definitely think it's him. We are trying to see what his tie to Chicago is. I've been working with the Sergeant out there and he and I have worked on a couple cases together before. He's got a good squad."

"Hmm. Should I be jealous of Sergeant…?"

"Voight. Hank Voight."

"Should I be jealous of Sergeant Voight?"

"No. He and I have had drinks before and conversed but nothing serious."

Elliot paused for a second not realizing that his joke had stumbled upon something.

"What?" she asked noticing the change in his demeanor.

"Nothing."

"Oh come on Elliot seriously? I'm surrounded by men in my line of work all the time. That hasn't changed."

"You're right. It was just different before."

"Well you certainly made your feelings known back then too."

"I wasn't that bad. Not as bad as I could've been. I don't think you realize how much male attention you actually get."

"Well it doesn't matter. I only have eyes for you. It's been that way for a long time."

"I'm going to work to make sure it stays that way," he said kissing her again. "And that work starts now." He said kissing his way down her body. They made love again and drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

Olivia thought she was dreaming when she heard a ringing phone. Elliot jolted awake wondering if it was his but they soon realized it was Olivia's.

"Benson….Hey Hank….Oh god…yeah what time is your flight leaving?...ok let me know when you land I'll meet you and your team at the precinct."

"Everything ok? What time is it?" Elliot asked sleepily.

"It's 3:30. That was Hank. This guy took one of their own. Girl named Nadia that worked at the station. They just discovered she was missing and they think the guy is heading towards New York so Hank and his team are on their way here."

"What time are they landing?"

"They are trying to get on the first flight they can so they will probably be in first thing. I need to call the team to make sure they are on alert and ready to be there early this morning and put out an APB on the car he was last spotted in."

With that she got up to go in the bathroom and start making calls. Elliot couldn't go back to sleep. His flight was early anyway so he threw on some clothes, went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. He suspected that Olivia probably wouldn't be able to drop him off at the airport and it made him a little sad but it was part of the job. At least he got to spend time with her before he had to leave.

"Hey you didn't have to wake up. We can lay down for a bit longer, Hank and his team haven't even left Chicago yet," she said emerging from the bathroom.

"Yeah but that's a short flight. I'm sure they will be here pretty soon and you need to get ready."

"I'm sorry I probably won't be able to drop you off," she said apologetically.

"It's ok."

She came up behind him and wrapped her hands around his waist and settled her chin on his shoulder while he poured them both a cup of coffee.

"It's always the job hunh?" she asked.

"Yeah but don't worry about it. If the job inconveniencing our plans is the biggest problem we have in our relationship then I'll take it."

"Well not exactly. We still need to tell your children formally about what's going on."

"Oh yeah about that. I kinda already did that."

"What? When?"

"Well.."

They were cut off by Olivia's cell ringing. "Sorry."

"Benson. Yeah ok. Ill meet you guys at the station for 6:30. Amaro is already on it, we have the license plate and description out to everyone in the area and my team is already en route to the station. Ok. See you soon."

"Hank again?"

"Yeah. Now you were saying. You told the kids about us."

"Yeah it just kinda happened. They were all at the house when I came back in town even Dickie. Maureen and Kathleen brought it up while we were outside making small talk and they are on board. Even Dickie. He and I got a chance to talk later that night just man to man. They have been through so much and they just want everyone to be happy. So it's really ok," he said handing her a cup of coffee.

"Wow. Yeah I guess that is another hurdle out of the way."

"So like I said, if it's always the job that's the issue. I'll take it. Because nothing is worth losing this," he said motioning between the two of them. "Even sleep deprived and heading off to be away for the next few weeks with no contact it's still worth it to be standing here at almost 4 in the morning with the woman of my dreams and our sons in the next room and feeling like everything will be alright."

Right on cue Olivia's phone rang again. Elliot wagged his eyebrows before kissing her and pointing to the bathroom to let her know that he was going to shower. After a few minutes, she wrapped up the call with Fin, texted Lucy to see if she could come earlier than normal and made her way to the bathroom.

Elliot was startled to see the shower curtain slide open and Olivia climbing in. She walked up behind him and placed a kiss on his shoulder blade as he turned around to face her.

"You're right El. As long as we have this, it will all be ok."

They showered and made love again before going their separate ways. Elliot stayed behind to wait for Lucy to get Noah before dropping off Eli and catching his flight while Olivia headed to the station to meet Hank.

He was going away on a potentially dangerous undercover assignment and she was going to track down yet another serial rapist and murderer but for the first time the ugliness of the world that surrounded them didn't take away a piece of their happiness.

A/N 2: I know the timeline is off for when Hank and Olivia talked about Nadia in the "Daydream Believer" episode but for obvious plot reasons I had to change it a little bit.


	23. Deja Vu

Chapter 23: Deja Vu

The next three weeks for Olivia were a blur. She barely noticed that it had been a week past when Elliot was supposed to return and she still hadn't heard from him. He told her he hoped to be done in as little as two weeks but she knew well enough that things don't always go as planned when you are undercover. She worked closely with the Chicago group to track a serial rapist and murderer that crossed over into New York. The team worked around the clock to find Nadia Decotis and was heartbroken when they found her body wash up on a beach. Despite the other crimes that Greg Yates committed, it was Nadia's murder that Barba was sure had the most evidence and had the best chance to get a conviction. After a little maneuvering on their parts, Yates buried himself in court after getting a look at Nadia's autopsy photos and they got a guilty verdict.

After the verdict, Olivia pulled a few strings to get Hank a few minutes alone with Yates. She wasn't quite sure what he was going to do and she didn't want to know. She had seen Hank in action a few times and knew how he operated but if anyone deserved it Yates did. The similarities between him and Lewis were not lost on her and that shook her to the core even more. She couldn't imagine what she would do if something happened to a member of her team so she was giving Hank whatever latitude he wanted.

They had managed to steal a few moments away from the team to get a drink whenever they were in each other's city. Considering everything that was going on with Nadia she didn't think they would get the chance to catch up this time but was pleasantly surprised when he called her late while she was wrapping up paperwork related to the case to go and have a drink. They couldn't stay long because he was taking a midnight flight back to Chicago.

"Thanks for joining me Olivia," Hank said as she sat down in one of the barstools.

"No problem. Can't break tradition."

"I already have your drink ready for you."

"I see that. Cheers." They clinked glasses and sat in a comfortable silence. "How is Lindsay doing?"

"She's strong. She's going to be ok. I'm going to see to that."

"I can't imagine losing one of our own. How are _you _holding up?"

"I'm alright."

"I know you are always alright Hank. But really," she said. He remained quiet and focused on the bottom of his glass to avoid answering the question. "Did seeing Yates help?"

"A little. As much as it could."

"Do I even want to know what happened?"

"No."

"Fair enough." She learned when they first met that Hank was a man of few words and that didn't bother her.

"So when do you think you will be back in my neck of the woods?"

"Hopefully no time soon. Seems like whenever I'm there it's not under the best circumstances."

"How about you come down when it's unrelated to a case?" he asked nonchalantly. And that was Hank. He was practically asking her to come and see him and acting like it was no big deal. There was a little undertone of something between them but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. Now that the comment was out there she felt that she needed to set matters straight.

"Umm…actually I'm seeing someone," she chuckled uncomfortably.

"Oh. Sorry. Didn't realize," he said putting his drink down and motioning to the bartender for another drink.

"Oh no. It's new kinda so…yeah." She played around with her glass not really making eye contact with him.

"New. So it's not serious?"

"Yeah it's serious..I've known him awhile so it's..not I guess entirely new," she stumbled over her words.

"It's your old partner isn't it?"

"How did you know?"

"I caught a little something in your tone when you talked about him back when you were jamming me up about how I handled that suspect."

"Oh," Olivia said bewildered.

"It's fine Sergeant. Good for you. God knows we could all use a little happiness with the shit we see everyday."

"You can say that again," she said raising her glass before she swallowed the rest in one gulp. "So what about you Hank?"

"What do you mean?"

"Where's your happiness?"

"It's out there. Just gotta find it," he said paying the tab and pushing his empty glass to the end of the bar. "Take care Olivia."

He gave her a pat on the shoulder and was gone. She stayed a bit longer to finish off her drink.

It was times like this that not having Elliot around really hit her. The nights were the worst. During the day she had work and Noah to drown herself in, but at night when she was alone she missed him so much. She hoped and prayed that everything was going okay with the undercover mission and that he would be back soon. She didn't want to be so emotionally dependent on him already but couldn't help herself. The last month or so since he'd been back in her life had been the best she had in a long time.

XXXXX

The next morning was definitely less chaotic than the less few weeks had been. She even allowed Fin and Nick to take the day off and as long as things stayed quiet she would allow Amanda and Sonny take off tomorrow. She decided she would leave early and get in some time with Noah since she hadn't seen him much over the last few weeks. After sending a text to Lindsay letting her know that she could call her if she needed her she was soon interrupted by a knock on her door.

"Hey," Lizzie said peaking in to her door. "I'm sorry to just show up."

Olivia was caught off guard for a second and immediately her heart dropped. She thought the worst.

"Lizzie! Is everything ok?" she asked nervously.

"Everything's fine Liv," Maureen said walking in behind her. "Sorry we didn't mean to scare you. We still haven't heard from dad so we are assuming that no news is good news."

"Oh wow Hey Maureen. I haven't seen you in years honey. How are you?"

"I'm ok," she answered.

"Ok. Well what's up?" she asked and was immediately think that showing up at her job was quickly becoming a Stabler family trait.

"Well we know you have been pretty swamped with that trial we saw on the news but was wondering if we could all go out for coffee or something. You know…to talk," Lizzie said hesitantly.

"Umm ok. I have a couple emails to send out if you both don't mind waiting a few minutes and then we can go."

"Sure," Maureen said setting down her coat and purse on the sofa. They both looked around the office and sat patiently while Olivia finished up her work.

As she was wrapping up there was another knock on her door.

"Hey Liv."

"Brian? What are you doing here?" she asked in a more accusing tone than she meant to.

"I need to talk to you about something," he said cautiously as he eyed the two young women that were sitting on her sofa. "We probably need to discuss this alone."

"Oh sorry. This is Elizabeth and Maureen Stabler. Girls this is Brian Cassidy. He used to work with me and your dad," she said standing up and motioning between the two of them to make introductions.

"Oh wow. Umm. Nice to meet you. I don't think I've seen you two in over fifteen years. How's your dad doing?"

"He's fine. Working with the FBI now," Maureen spoke up. "Liv if you need to reschedule we understand. We shouldn't have just popped up."

"No not at all. Brian how long will we need?"

"Shouldn't take longer than about 5 minutes," he said watching the interaction between them and Olivia.

"Ok how about you guys meet me in the coffee shop downstairs? Ill be down there shortly."

"Ok. Nice to meet you Brian," Lizzie said as they walked out and he shut the door behind him.

"So Brian what brings IAB down to see me."

"You're kidding right?" he said slightly agitated.

"No. Are you not working with IAB anymore?" Olivia asked confused.

"Yeah but that's not what I'm talking about. What are Stabler's daughters doing here? I thought you weren't in touch with him or his family."

"I wasn't but if I was how is that relevant? Is that why you came by?"

"No I actually came by to find out how Sergeant Voight got access to an inmate last night."

"Why is IAB even concerned about that?"

"Because when crooked cops work together to harass an inmate we tend to get involved."

"Wow! So now I'm a crooked cop?"

"Of course you aren't Liv. That's why I came down here. When I heard the chatter floating around I offered to take the case. I was just going to come and ask a couple of fluff questions, clear you and move on."

"And now?"

He blew out a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

"Brian?"

"Is he back in your life Liv?"

"Why does that matter?" she asked irritated. She wasn't going to go into her personal life with her ex-boyfriend especially considering he works for IAB.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said irritated. "Are you sleeping with him? Guess what Lewis said was true."

"Excuse me," Olivia said bolting up from her desk to get right in his face.

"Nothing. Nevermind I shouldn't have said it."

"No go ahead and say what's on your mind and you better make it good because I'm pretty sure that this is the last conversation that you and I will have for a very long time."

"When Lewis made that comment about you having romantic fantasies about your ex-partner at trial I just blew past it. I've heard the rumors over the years but I didn't listen to them. This man wasn't even there for you when you went through one of the most horrific experiences of your life Liv and you just welcome him back into your life…into your bed," he screamed.

"First of all for you to bring up Lewis is low…even for you. Second of all I don't give a damn about rumors or what you think about having Elliot back in my life. It's not your business or anyone elses. I'm happy. Which is more than I can say for half of our relationship."

Brian flinched at her words. He knew that things were rough after Lewis but he didn't know that she spent so much of their relationship unhappy.

"Wow. So it's like that hunh Liv?"

"You made it like that. Don't you ever bring up Lewis' name to me again and stay out of my business. It's been five minutes so I need to go. Are we square on the Hank thing?"

"Yeah we're square."

"Great. Thanks. You can let yourself out."

XXXXX

Olivia sat across from Lizzie and Maureen and was trying to clear her mind so she could talk to them knowing this would be another heavy conversation. As much as she tried she was radiating tension and they took notice.

"So how long did you and Brian date?" Lizzie asked.

"Lizzie!" Maureen scolded.

"What?!" she responded honestly confused about why Maureen was upset with her.

"It's ok Maureen," Olivia spoke up laughing lightly at the banter between the two. "We dated for about a year and a half."

"Oh wow. That's a long time. Why did you break up?"

"Lizzie good grief. You are relentless," Maureen said rolling her eyes.

"Things got tough after Lewis. We just never recovered and he didn't want a family. You know all that boring stuff that adults break up over," she laughed.

"You don't have to answer that Liv. Look we didn't invite you here to pry into your personal life."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at them.

"Ok ok I mean not into your past personal life," Maureen corrected herself.

"But he said something that upset you," Lizzie pried more.

"He did. But enough about him."

"Was it about dad?"

Olivia paused before answering.

"We just wanted to see how you were doing with dad being gone for the last few weeks and just touch base. We haven't had a chance to talk to you since you re-entered his life," Maureen interrupted.

And once again Olivia found herself in a coffee shop across the table from a blond hair blue eyed member of Elliot's family that wanted to discuss their relationship. The tone of the conversation definitely felt like déjà vu.

"Ok. Well I'm sure you both have questions so let's hear them," she said taking a sip of her coffee.

"Liv, we talked to our mom. We aren't here to unleash all these feelings on you about what may or may not have happened in the past and how we felt back then and yada yada. I just want to know one thing. I know it's still new but are you in this for the long haul?"

"Well you are right it is new…somewhat. I can't predict the future Maureen. I really can't. If I've learned one thing over the past year is that your life can change in an instant. I know I love your dad. I've loved him for a long time and I would never do anything to hurt him. I know that he had a rough time of it. I know you all did and I'm sorry about that and my part in that whatever it was.."

"You didn't do anything. Please don't apologize to us. You helped us out so much over the years," Lizzie said placing her hand over hers.

"We are just sorry that dad wasn't able to be there when you needed him," Maureen added.

"Thank you," she said as they all joined hands across the table. "And I'm sorry about Kathleen."

The last sentiment caused both girls to tear up.

"It's been so hard Liv you have no idea," Maureen added. "I never thought I would get my dad back after Katie died. But now he's a better person than he was before and I know you are a large reason for that. I know that's the part that our mom has a hard time with. I love my mom but if it takes someone else to make my dad happy and whole again then so be it."

"When Dad came to the house a few weeks ago, he lit up when he talked about you and Noah. He wanted to make sure that we were all ready to accept both of you into the family and we just wanted you to hear from us that we do. And that includes Dick. He would be here with us but I'm guessing from the level of emotion involved here right now he was right to skip it. Crying isn't really his thing," Lizzie joked wiping her tears with a napkin and they all chuckled.

"Thank you for saying that. When he told me that you all were okay with it I was a little shocked. I expected a little more resistance considering our partnership before."

"If Katie wouldn't have happened Liv, there probably would've been. I'm not going to lie about that. But now, we see there are some things that are far more important. So when you and dad are ready, we would love to get together with you and Noah. All us kids…... and mom if that's ok. No rush," Maureen said.

"I would like that. Noah enjoys playing with Eli so I'm sure he would like that too."

They spent a moment in silence before Lizzie got up to head to class.

"I've got to get going. Maureen you have to drop me off to campus. Thanks for meeting us Liv," she said heading around the table to give Olivia hug. "And thank you for coming back into our family," she whispered in her ear.

"It was nice seeing you again," Maureen said as she hugged Olivia as well.

As they turned to leave Olivia stopped them. "Hey. Just so you know. If I had my way, it would definitely be for the long haul. I don't want to be with anyone else. Just so you both know."

They smiled in acknowledgment before heading out.

Her phone was going off like crazy but Olivia decided to stay in the coffee shop a little later and spend some time to herself. The last hour had taken a lot out of her. The argument with Brian was out of left field and she couldn't believe he had the nerve to bring up William Lewis when he knew better than anyone what he put her through for all of those months. She once again felt the extreme weight of missing Elliot and hoped he would be home soon. Before too long her phone rung and it was another blast from the past. Bayard Ellis.

XXXXX

_One week later_

After almost a month undercover Elliot was happy to be back in New York. His plane landed in the early afternoon and he knew she would be busy at work so he decided to head home, unpack, shower and change. He called all of the kids and Kathy to let them know that he was back in town. He wanted to call Olivia but he thought one great surprise deserved another. She had surprised him in Virginia so he would surprise her.

"Hey Lucy."

"Hey Mr. Stabler. You're back come on in," she said.

"Call me Elliot please."

"I'm guessing you are here to see a certain little boy since his mom is at work," she said.

"You know me so well already. Is he awake?"

"Great timing, he just got up from his nap and I was just about to check in with Olivia."

"Can you do me a favor? Don't tell her I'm here. I want to surprise her."

Lucy smiled. "No problem Mr Sta…Elliot. I won't tell her."

"Thanks. Also, if you don't mind consider yourself off early for the rest of the day. I'm going to surprise her by cooking dinner and spending some time with Noah before she gets in."

"That's great. Because of you I have a personal life again. Thanks!" she said reaching for her phone to call Olivia while Elliot went to check on Noah.

He picked him up and brought him in the living room as Lucy was wrapping up her call.

"Ok I'm going to head out."

"Have a good night," he said while putting Noah in his high chair.

"Oh and Elliot," Lucy said stopping in front of the open door. "I hope I'm not speaking out of turn but I'm really glad you are in Olivia's life now. She is so happy now; I used to worry about her. I don't anymore. Have a good night."

XXXXX

Olivia took the elevator up to her apartment and was ready to wash the day off her and spend some time with her son. After working with Bayard to get a father's conviction overturned after his daughter recanted her testimony she started to get the sense that the daughter really was raped. The whole case left her feeling uneasy. She was so sure one minute but after seeing her reaction after the verdict she was questioning everything.

She turned the key to the door and stopped in her tracks.

"Look who's home Noah," Elliot said as he walked from the kitchen with Noah on his hips.

"El, whe-how-what?" she asked not able to gather her thoughts.

"That's enough questions Benson. Come here," he said hugging her and kissing her deeply. "I'm home baby."

Coming up: What happens when Elliot finds out about Brian's argument with Olivia? What happened while Elliot was undercover?

Please keep reviewing! You know how much I love them.


	24. Trouble

Chapter 24: Trouble

**Author's Note: **** As is my mission, I plan to kill of each of Olivia's 'ships' one by one and this chapter takes care of that. She's had a lot this past season and they all need to wrap up in one way or another.**

Elliot woke up the next morning with his arms around a naked Olivia. He lightly kissed her shoulder and rested his head on his elbow so he could watch her as she slept. They didn't talk about much during dinner just enjoyed being back in each other's company and played with Noah. Once they got him off to sleep they made love throughout the night and slept in between. He had a really hard month away from her and wanted to soak up as much of her time as he could.

He began to lightly stroke her hair and pulled her flush with his body.

"Mmmmm, someone's wide awake I see," she purred.

"Well I'm not wide awake. Still a little tired," he responded.

"I wasn't talking about you," she wiggled her ass against his erection and laughed.

"Well he's always wide awake when you are around. He can't help himself."

She turned to face him and looked him in his eyes still not quite believing their relationship was at this level. "Have I told you how happy I am to have you back?"

"Only about ten times," he said while kissing her on her nose before moving to her lips. "I'm glad to be back with you too. I missed you so much baby." He closed his eyes and held his forehead to hers.

"We didn't get a chance to talk much yesterday. How was the undercover mission?"

"I don't want to talk about that right now. I just want to lay here with you for as long as I can before you have to go back to work." He kissed her neck and slowly moved around to her lips. "You know you could always call in today and we could stay in bed all day."

"Hmmm that's very tempting," she said kissing him back and turning over to straddle him. "But I'm already kind of in trouble so I need to be on my P's and Q's."

"Trouble? For what?" Elliot asked concerned.

"It's no big deal," she said continuing to move down to kiss his neck and his shoulder blades. "IAB stopped by to ask questions because I let Hank have a few minutes alone with a perp. I think it will be fine but whenever they start crawling around you never know."

"Oh don't I know. Let me guess. Tucker?"

"Umm no . Brian actually."

Elliot immediately stopped her in her tracks.

"As in your ex-boyfriend Cassidy? He actually gave you a hard time?"

"Elliot let's not please. In case you haven't noticed I'm straddling you naked, I don't really want to talk about my ex right now."

"So what do you want to talk about?" he asked pulling the covers back so there were no barriers between them.

"I actually don't want to do much talking." With that she lined him up at her entrance and whispered in his ear. "I'm ready for you baby." She slid down upon him and soon they were lost in each other effectively blocking out all the noise of everything else.

XXXXX

"So are you ready to tell me about IAB and you being in trouble?"

"Are you ready to talk about what happened when you were undercover?"

They were having breakfast before Lucy came and Olivia had to leave for work. Noah sat on Olivia's lap while he played around with his dry cereal instead of eating it.

"Not yet," he said solemnly.

"You are like a dog with a bone. It's not that serious. He said he was just doing a run of the mill interview because there were some questions about how Hank got access to the inmate. He said everything was fine and I was clear."

"But you don't believe him?" Elliot questioned. He could tell she was holding something back.

"I don't know it could go either way."

"I thought you and Brian were on good terms. Why would he lie to you about that?"

She took a deep breath and told him the truth. "I didn't get a chance to tell you yet but Lizzie and Maureen came by the office to see me last week."

"How did that go?"

"It went good. Great actually. They want us to all get together sometime."

"See. I told you they were ok with us being together," he said placing a kiss on her lips. "But what does my daughters visiting you have to do with Brian?"

"He showed up while they were there and I told him who they were. He wasn't too happy about it."

"Ahh, because that means if they were around then so was I," he said putting the pieces together.

"So now Cassidy has an issue with me? We didn't have issues when we worked together. I assume he's upset because you and I are together."

She paused again. Every time the name William Lewis was mentioned she felt the atmosphere in her house change.

"It's not just about you and I being together. He just thinks I'm stupid for being with you because you weren't there for me when everything happened with Lewis. I know why you weren't there but that's not for me to get into with Brian so I didn't even bother."

He walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I don't want you to always feel like you have to defend our relationship to people."

She placed Noah back in his high chair to let him finish eating his breakfast and then walked into his embrace.

"It's fine. We knew that people would have questions. If that's the biggest problem we have then I'm good with that. Plus like you said it's not like people didn't think we were already sleeping together or had the hots for each other so they can't be too surprised," she said trying to lighten the mood. "Brian's just embarrassed because Lewis made some stupid comment in court about you having romantic fantasies about me and he feels like it turned out to be true. He'll get over it. Eventually," she said before placing a quick chaste kiss on his lips and grabbing her coat.

"Wait what?"

"What?" she asked confused. "I told you that Lewis taunted me about you."

"Yeah how do you know Brian's embarrassed about that?"

"Because he said so."

"He told you that?!" Elliot asked surprised. "When?"

Olivia immediately realized that she said too much and tried to clean up.

"El it's fine. I can handle Brian. It's probably nothing and I'm pretty sure he won't go back on his word I was just worried for nothing." She put her arms around his neck and kissed him softly trying to calm him down. "Ok?"

"Ok."

He got ready to ask her something else but Lucy was coming in and the mood was lost. Before he knew it Olivia was leaving out to work and he dressed to get ready to run an errand of his own.

XXXX

Elliot knew the IAB building well for all the wrong reasons but he wasn't stupid enough to corner Brian in there. He waited until close to noon when he figured he would exit the building to go to lunch. His face flicked in anger and recognition when he saw Brian exit and head to his car shortly after 1pm. He followed him to the parking garage and was glad that he was taking a late lunch because there weren't that many people around to see anything.

He wanted to wait until Brian got to his destination before he confronted him but he couldn't take the chance that wherever he was going had a lot of people there. He immediately pushed him into the car before Brian knew what hit him.

"What the fuck?" Brian said turning around stunned. "Ahhh Stabler. I should've known you would show up before too long."

"Start talking now before I bash your fucking skull in," Elliot seethed. He was standing so close to Brian that they were sharing the same air and any slight movement would quickly escalate the situation. Elliot's chest was heaving from adrenaline and his veins were flexing in his forehead from anger.

"I see some things never change. You were always ready to run off half cocked," Brian said with that signature smirk that always annoyed Elliot.

"Oh see you have that wrong. Because if it were like the old days then the better part of your neck would be under my fingernails right now and you wouldn't be doing much talking. I'm going to ask you one time. What did you say to Olivia?"

"I told her the truth. That she was dumb as hell for having you back in her life when you weren't there for her but she always had a weakness for you. I have no idea why but she's never made the best personal decisions."

"Yeah I think her relationship with you is a good example of that," Elliot shot back.

"I was the best thing that could've happened to Olivia. Yeah it was rough after Lewis but I was there for her. Where the hell were you? Laid up with your wife and kids and not answering your phone when she reached out to you."

Elliot stepped back at Brian's words hitting hard. Although logically he knew he had his reasons for not being around during that time it still didn't hurt him any less. Brian recognized that Elliot retreated and went in for the kill.

"Do you know what that psycho put her through? She didn't sleep for months! He burned her! Drugged her! Beat her up! And in the midst of all that he was putting her through Lewis said she was talking about having some romantic fantasies about you. I didn't believe him but clearly he was telling the truth."

Elliot eyebrows furrowed in recognition. "You told her that?" he asked in a low deadly voice.

"Yeah I told her that. She ask—", Brian couldn't finish his sentence before Elliot's fist connected with his jaw sending him to the ground.

"You son of a bitch," he said as he grabbed him by his coat from the ground and punched him again. Brian tried to stand up quickly and swing on him but missed and Elliot turned him around and twisted his arm behind his back to restrain him.

"You really are a prick you know that. You don't think I know what she's been through! You don't think I've seen the burn marks and try like hell not to acknowledge them because I don't want to hurt her!" he screamed letting his arm go. Brian turned around and they were once again face to face.

"If you could throw an experience like that back in her face because you are pissed that she is with me then you are no better than the creeps we arrest everyday. No matter what you think of me and us, she didn't deserve that," Elliot continued. Brian doesn't say anything just picks at the blood on his lip. "There are enough IAB suits to go around and since you obviously can't keep personal away from professional stay away from Liv's unit. If something comes up involving her or any one from her squad make sure someone else gets the case," he said matter of factly and began to walk away. "Oh yeah and that Hank thing. Make sure that stays ok and doesn't come up again."

"Or what?" Brian finally asked.

Elliot turned around abruptly and was right back in his face.

"Try me. You know full well what I'm capable of. I'm sure you've looked through my jacket since you have access to it. You said some things never change and I can tell you one thing that definitely hasn't. You hurt Liv in any way, you _will_ regret it."

He turned to walk away again. "Have a good day Detective Cassidy."

XXXXX

Olivia spent her morning on the phone with Noah's caseworker who suggested that Noah start spending some time in daycare so he could have daily interaction with kids his own age. Although she planned to enroll him, she couldn't help but think that she couldn't wait until his adoption was final and she wouldn't have to keep dealing with his caseworker any longer. She was tired of being checked up on and ready for everything to be legal.

After an afternoon meeting with her team she walked back in her office to find Ed Tucker waiting for her. They had been having drinks and becoming more friendly lately so the sight of him no longer made her go _oh no here we go again. _

"Lieutenant Tucker. What do I owe the pleasure?" she asked.

He stood up and stared at her in a way that reminded her of the old days when her and Elliot were always in some type of trouble so she became a little worried.

"Well I initially came here for one thing and now it's about something else," he said putting his hands in his pocket.

"Ok…..care to elaborate?"

"I came here to tell you that the folks down at 1PP aren't happy with a Sergeant running the unit. They want a Lieutenant in here."

Olivia closed the door to make sure no one heard their conversation.

"With all due respect I thought I was doing a good job here. We've had some major wins lately."

"And that hasn't gone unnoticed. That's why I told them you already applied for the Lieutenant exam."

"But I haven't."

"Well apply for it."

"Ok. Was that what you came to tell me?"

"Yeah initially," he said staring at her intensely. "Initially until one of my detectives came back from lunch with a busted lip and a black eye."

"Ok. Not following."

"Detective Cassidy apparently had an unfortunate incident happen to him this afternoon. Would you know anything about that?"

Olivia paused as she let his statement wash over her. Then it dawned on her about the conversation she had with Elliot that morning. Tucker watched her go through the motions and put the pieces together for her.

"So you and Stabler…it was only a matter of time," he said watching her reaction. Olivia didn't confirm or deny.

"I could tell how much you two covered for each other back when you were partners. I always saw something there."

"You think Elliot did this?"

"Don't you?" he asked. "Don't bluff me Olivia. I can tell he's the first person you thought of."

"What are you going to do?"

"What I have to do. You deserve to be over this unit Olivia. No one has given more to Special Victims than you have. Don't let Stabler and his antics cost you your job. No one at 1PP is going to have much faith in a Commanding Officer whose boyfriend is running around avenging her grudges with an ex-lover."

Olivia nodded in acknowledgment.

"What are you going to do?" she asked again.

"I'm issuing a warrant for the arrest of Elliot Stabler."

**Coming up: Will Elliot be arrested? How will his confrontation with Brian affect his relationship with Olivia? And we finally find out what happened when Elliot went undercover.**


	25. Throwback Stabler

**Chapter 25: Throwback Stabler**

**A/N: Two chapters in one day! Go me! And it's also to make up for the fact that I won't be able to get to the next chapter until the weekend.**

Olivia paced in her office thinking about her conversation with Tucker. Elliot did it. Of course he did it. That's what he does. That's what he always does. He gets mad about something and attacks before thinking. Now not only will it land him in legal trouble, jeopardize his job but it has the possibility of jeopardizing hers. This is the part of him that has always been hard for her. She admires his passion for those he cares about. It's one of the things that she loves most about him, that he has been her knight and shining armor and always made her feel so safe. But she hates the way he goes about it. That passion quickly turns into violence or an outburst that she finds herself having to clean up. She worked hard for her promotions and position in SVU and he's only been back in her life for two months and it's already causing problems for her professionally.

He calls her throughout the day but she dodges the phone calls unable to speak to him yet. She is afraid of what she might say and she doesn't want to get into a screaming match with him while she's at work. The other side of her is a bit confused about how to handle this now. They used to hurl some pretty hurtful words at each other when they were partners and she doesn't want to do that now that they are in a relationship.

"Hey Liv, I came as soon as I got your call," Barba says shutting the door.

"Thanks for coming," she said fidgeting.

"It's about Elliot?"

"You heard already?"

"Yeah it came to my office pretty quick. Have you talked to Elliot? Has he admitted doing it?"

"He's been calling but I haven't picked up. I just need to know how bad it is first before I call him."

"I don't know yet. It really all depends on Brian," he leveled with her.

Olivia headed back to her desk and put her head in her hands. She took a deep breath trying to steady herself. "I shouldn't have said anything. I know how he gets and I shouldn't have said anything."

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Barba asked sitting on the edge of her desk.

"Brian and I had words because he is pissed that Elliot and I are together," she explained as Barba nodded his head in acknowledgment. "We all worked together at one point back when I first started. Apparently Brian has been harboring some feelings about what Lewis said at trial about me having romantic fantasies about Elliot. I guess he felt like it was a slap in the face since he had been there for me when everything happened and Elliot wasn't."

"Hmm," he said simply.

"So I told Elliot what he said this morning in passing and here we are."

"How did the Elliot situation come up? You still talk to Brian regularly?" he asked trying to put everything together.

"No Brian and I don't talk at all actually since we broke up. He came here to ask me about an issue that came across IAB's desk regarding Hank Voight and saw Elliot's daughters here and put two and two together."

Barba remained quiet and she could see his wheels spinning. Her and Barba had always worked together well because they had both become masters at turning situations around to work out in their favor in the courtroom. She was hoping they could work the same magic with her personal life.

"So he came here about a professional police matter and ended up talking to you about who you are sleeping with?" he asked giving her a look she knew all too well.

"You're going to use it," she said knowingly.

"Damn right. You know just as well as I do that Brian's jacket isn't the cleanest. You have more credibility than he does and it's he said, she said about what he said to you in here. It's assault on Elliot's part no doubt but if I can talk to Brian and let him know that it probably wouldn't look good that he took advantage of an official police investigation to attack your personal life, I think he will back down."

"You are as always a genius."

"I got your back Liv. Watch me work," he winked and was out the door in an instant.

She leaned back in her chair and silently prayed that Barba could work his magic one more time before the warrant was officially issued.

XXXXXXX

Elliot was full of nervous energy because Olivia wasn't answering his calls. He nursed his knuckles with ice thinking back to how they connected with Brian's jaw and eye. He figured she knew because she was avoiding him and thought about how pissed she probably was. Figures Brian would go back and rat him out, he said to himself. He thought about going to her apartment and waiting for her to get home but he didn't want to risk an argument by pushing her before she was ready to talk so he picked up his phone and sent her a simple text.

_I love you._

He couldn't think of anything else. Nothing in her mind would justify his actions but in his mind it was all motivated by his deep love and need to protect her. It was also from feelings inside of him he felt bubbling up again. He was better now. He kept telling himself that he was better than the man he used to be but old habits die hard. Here he was once again reacting with violence when he was really suppressing a deeper feeling that was going on inside of him. He refused to go back to who he once was so he picked up the phone and made an appointment for that afternoon with his therapist. He needed to talk about his last few weeks away before it ate away at him and he made any more dumb decisions. He didn't want to risk ruining his relationship with Olivia.

XXXXX

The next day Olivia waited to hear back from Barba about the warrant and if he got through to Brian. She still hadn't spoken to Elliot except for when she replied to his text message yesterday.

_I know. _

_I love you too._

It had only been a day since she had seen him and she missed him so much. She had just gone a month and was able to get through it but now the physical need she had to be near him made her bones ache. It was different when he was undercover and unavailable but now knowing that he was a few miles away at his apartment was almost too much for her to handle.

Her phone then rang and she immediately answered. It was Barba.

XXXXXX

It was about 7 in the evening and Elliot decided to walk to the store around the corner from his apartment to have some time to think. He was feeling better after his appointment with his therapist but he still hadn't talked to Olivia and he was starting to get scared. He knew that Olivia was quick to bail on relationships in the past and he just hoped she wouldn't throw him away too.

He slowly approached his apartment and saw her silhouette at his door. They locked eyes and Elliot didn't remember walking up the stairs but just focused on her to make sure that she wasn't a figment of his imagination.

"Hey," she said nervously.

"Hey."

He wanted to hug her but he didn't want to risk that she would retreat in any way.

"Umm can we go inside?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry," he said. She took one of his bags while he used the key to open the door.

He put the bags in the kitchen while she lingered around his living room. She paced around with her arms folded and from her defensive posture he knew he was in for an argument.

He didn't know what to say so he made for small talk instead.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"No."

"Ok."

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

She locked eyes with him and once again their non-verbal communication was in full force. She was pleading with him to explain himself. To say anything that would make the situation better and mend this wall that was suddenly between them.

"I'm sorry," he started. "I went to see Brian yesterday after we talked to ask him what he said to you about Lewis. One thing led to another and I hit him a few times and told him to stay away from you and your squad."

"Hmm," she said as she moved away from him and closer to the window. She needed to create some space between the two of them because as angry as she was she couldn't deny the effect that his physical proximity had on her, has always had on her.

"So you feel that was the right thing to do?" she asked.

"No that's why I apologized," he replied in a clipped tone.

"So why did you do it?"

"I was angry that he threw Lewis in your face. After what he di—after what he put you through. That was a shitty thing to do. How could he claim that he loved you and say something like that?" He was getting angry all over again.

"You're right. It was a shitty thing to do. But I said what I had to say to him and I was done with it. Elliot you can't go around beating up every person that mentions Lewis or says something crazy to me. You think Brian is the first person that has thrown Lewis in my face?" she yelled.

"No but he was there. He knows better than anyone else, better than me what you went through. For him of all people to say it…it's just wrong," he choked out.

"Yeah it is but what you did was reckless and stupid. He works for IAB Elliot! Do you know how much trouble your stunt got me in?"

He popped up from the couch and moved over to her.

"You got in trouble?" he asked.

"Of course I did!" she yelled. "And so did you. Tucker tried to issue a warrant for your arrest!"

He furrowed his brow trying to understand.

"Tried?"

"Yeah. Barba was able to stop it from going through. Apparently Brian wasn't the one who was pushing for the arrest, Tucker was. He asked Brian how he got the bruises and after pulling it out of him he admitted it was you. But he refuses to press charges and since there weren't any witnesses, Barba was able to stop the warrant and you won't be charged," she explained.

"Oh."

"Oh?! Elliot. Tucker came to see me and told me that I need to take the Lieutenant's exam but my promotion could be frowned upon at 1PP once word got out that my past and present lovers were duking it out in the parking lot. You can't do this Elliot! You told me you were working on your anger," she screamed.

"I am, I swear to God I am," he said pleadingly.

"Then work faster because I am not interested in building a life with Throwback Stabler. He was sometimes hard to work with and I can only imagine what he was like to live with. It's not what I want around me or my son."

She was breathing fast and trying to calm herself down. She hadn't planned to yell at him but the more she talked the more pissed she got.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Liv," he said. He moved closer to her and carefully reached out to pull her in his arms. She kept her arms by her side initially but once she felt herself against his solid frame, smelled him and saw the sincerity in his eyes she soon wrapped her arms around him. They melted into each other and she felt her anger start to fade and be replaced with forgiveness.

"I went to see my therapist yesterday after the altercation with Brian," he said while still hugging her. She pulled back and looked him in the eyes waiting for more. He recognized her surprise and continued. "I told you I really am trying to do better Liv. He allowed me to see that what I did to Brian wasn't just about what he said but was more about some things that happened recently."

She took his hand and led him over to the couch so they could sit and talk. She wanted to hear about his Undercover assignment and was a little disappointed in herself that she didn't push the issue yesterday when it was obvious that he didn't want to talk about it.

"What happened?" she asked calmly.

He squeezed her hand and began to rub back and forth.

"The undercover assignment took longer than we thought because there were some issues with getting the guy to trust us. The night that we made the final sting, Munez's 18 year old daughter was there. None of us knew. It wasn't in the plans or anything."

Olivia closed her eyes knowing where this story was going.

"When the shots broke out she grabbed a gun and started shooting too. Johnson was right next to me. I hesitated for a brief second and he took the shot. He killed her."

"It made you think about Jenna?" she asked.

He didn't answer but kept going with the story. "Once the dust settled we all huddled up together and noticed that Simmons was missing. With all the gunfire going back and forth we didn't know he got hit…..he died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital."

Olivia gasped and leaned in to lay her head on his shoulder.

"I took care of the notifications. Notified Simmons' wife. He had two kids. 12 and 14. Then I went to notify the mom of Munez's daughter. They weren't together anymore and she was trying to get her daughter away from her father's dangerous lifestyle but she didn't listen. She was in love with the money and the perks apparently. When we told her she broke down. I told her I knew it must be hard. She asked me how could I possibly know what she's going through and that I've never lost a child. I didn't answer her. Just let her continue to cry."

"El I'm sorry. I know that had to be hard for you considering what happened with Kathleen."

"Yeah it was. Simmons was my friend. Johnson took it pretty hard too. Then the reminder of Kathleen. It was just a lot and I guess I didn't deal with it as well as I thought I did," he said leaning his forehead against hers on his shoulder. "I'm sorry baby I'm going to get it together I promise," he whispered.

"El. You know how I know what you and I have is different from anything I've ever experienced before?"

He was taken aback at the sudden change of pace.

"How?"

"Casey told me that my instinct when things get bad is to run. And she's right. I run away the second something doesn't feel right or seems too hard. But with you," she raised her head up and looked right into his ice blue eyes "I ran _to_ you. Not away from you. Don't rush yourself or feel like you have to be something you are not. I love the fact that you protect me because no one else has. It's the reason I feel so safe with you and trust you with my life and the life of everyone important to me including my son. I just need you to find a way to do it in an orderly fashion," she added with a smile.

He smiled back and pressed his lips to hers softly.

"You see why I didn't come back to you sooner? I was worried that I would do something stupid like this because I wasn't ready yet."

"Yeah but Elliot those triggers aren't going to go away especially not with what we do for a living. We just have to work on your reactions to them." She rubbed his ear and the back of his neck as he relaxed into her touch with his forehead still leaned against hers.

"I'll apologize to Brian. Make it right."

"Well I wouldn't go that far. He is still a dick." They both laughed. "But I'm glad he wouldn't press charges. Made it a lot easier. I think you owe Barba a steak dinner though."

"Consider it done."

"I'm sorry about Simmons, the girl, all of it. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Thanks and thank you for forgiving me."

They sat a few more moments lying on the couch stealing a few kisses here and there.

"Hey. I mentioned to Eric a few weeks ago that he and his fiancé should come down to New York and we could go on a double date. We didn't know when he would have the chance to do it but with losing Simmons and all I guess he's ready to take some time away now more than ever."

She smiled at the mention of Eric and appreciated their friendship. She took notice of how he called him Eric when discussing something personal and Johnson when they talked about work. It was a cop trait they all adopted subconsciously.

"I think that's a great idea. Let me know when."

"His fiancé has been having a tough time getting acclimated to the long hours and him being away. He's worried they won't make it. I told him we were well versed in the trials and tribulations of cop relationships so we would help them out," he said jokingly.

"Trials and tribulations hunh?" she laughed.

"Yep."

"After his help with my infamous surprise I owe him. So anything he needs. He's a good guy and I appreciate him looking out for you. It's a tough job. The man deserves a medal," she teased.

"Haha. So ummm not to state the obvious but we just had our first fight," he said leaning in to her kissing her neck.

"Not to state the more obvious but we've had hundreds of fights over the years," she countered but moved her neck to give him better access.

"Well this is our first fight since we've been in a relationship."

"Ahh good point. It was."

"So you know what that means right?" he asked taking her shirt out of her jeans and placing his hands underneath to touch her warm skin. She moaned at his touch.

"No."

"We've made up. So now it's time for make up sex."

"Well I am still a little mad at you," she said removing her shirt with a gleam in her eye to let him know she was just joking.

He gently pushed her back down on the couch and laid on top of her.

"Don't worry baby. Ill make it up to you."

**Coming up: The double date!**


	26. That's What Friends are For

Chapter 26: That's what Friends are For

_Two Weeks Later_

The talk surrounding Brian and Elliot's altercation had died down and their lives were somewhat back to routine. It would only be a couple of weeks before Olivia could formally adopt Noah and she was knee deep in studying for the Lieutenant's exam. It was increasingly hard for her to concentrate on studying with Elliot around full time. He was a welcome distraction and often purposely interrupted her with kisses and touches that quickly escalated and all studying was lost. He didn't have to go back to Virginia because of his undercover operation so they spent all of their spare time together and with Noah and Eli. They were practically living together at this point. She expected it to feel like an intrusion especially considering that sometimes her apartment felt too cramped for her and Noah. Instead it really felt more like home than it ever did before.

After going back and forth about the logistics, Chelsea and Eric were finally in town for their double date. They had plans to catch a Broadway show and then have dinner. It was a Saturday and Elliot took Noah and Eli to Central Park to meet Eric and Chelsea so she could get some studying in. She got a few hours in before her phone rang.

_No no no _she said to herself.

"Benson."

"Hey Sarge, you know I wouldn't call you if I didn't have to but me and Rollins have Rick Taylor down here and he wants to talk to the person in charge," Carisi said.

"Apparently us lowly detectives are beneath him," Rollins added from the background.

Rick Taylor was the CEO of a local toy store chain that was suspected of the rape of several kids. His attorney successfully got him out of every interview they set up for him much to their dismay.

"Is Barba on the way?" she asked irritated.

"No he's not on this one. Novak is. I just called her right before you. She's on the way."

She sighed loudly. She was not missing tonight and hoping she could do the interview and be done before she needed to start getting ready in a few hours. "Ok ok. I'm on the way."

While getting dressed she tried to take inventory of what was in her closet to decide what to wear tonight. She really had not done a good job keeping dresses over the years because she rarely got the chance to go out. There was a purple one-shoulder dress that she saw briefly that she thought would be good for tonight and kept that in the back of her mind while she headed out the door.

XXXXX

"That took way longer than it needed to," Casey said as she came back in Olivia's office after the interrogation.

"So what do you think?" Olivia asked.

"I think he has answers for everything but so would I if I had weeks to come up with a story. What about you? What do you think?"

"I think he definitely did it. He had alibis for every single assault. Hell everyone has at least one time where they are alone with no one there. It was just a little too perfect. I'm going to put Carisi and Rollins on those alibis and verifying them."

Olivia looked down at her watch. "Shit!"

"What's wrong?" Casey asked concerned.

"Elliot and I are supposed to be double dating with his partner and fiancée."

"Aww look at you two. Going on double dates, you snuck off to Virginia and rocked his world and he's been basically shacking up at your place. Sounds like it's really getting serious. I'm proud of you Benson."

"You don't have to sound so surprised."

"Well after what happened with him and Cassidy I was a little worried that you guys would hit a rough patch but I'm glad you guys came out on the other side."

"We yelled it out and we're fine."

"So I never got to hear about the sex. How was it?" Casey whispered with her eyebrow raised.

"Casey! We are not having this conversation," she laughed.

"Aww come on Liv. I had to survive this dance you two have been doing for years and I gave you quite the pep talk about him. I deserve something."

"No!" she said and they both laughed together.

"Fine you don't have to tell me. Your demeanor speaks volumes. You have that I'm getting amazing sex glow."

"Yeah well he's going to kill me if I can't make this date tonight and I don't even know if I have anything to wear. I can't believe I waited until the last minute and it's almost 5. We were supposed to meet up for 6:30pm and I still have to send Dodds the notes on this interrogation. Let me text Elliot."

"Wait I think I have an idea. Ill run out and get you something real quick from the shop two blocks down. You can shower and change here and still make it on time."

"And hair and makeup?"

"We can do that upstairs in the locker room. I have some stuff in my car and I'll grab whatever else you need. I'm headed out I'll be back in 45 minutes. Trust me, you will look hot."

With that she was off and Olivia smiled to herself that she had such a good friend.

XXXXXX

It was 6:20pm and Olivia was showered, dressed, primped and ready for the date. Casey managed to find a great dress that was deep red and fit her perfectly. Her hair was up with a few curly tendrils hanging down in the front and she was sure that Elliot would appreciate her deep red lipstick.

Just as she was texting him that she was on her way downstairs to meet him she was met with a visitor.

"Well Sergeant Benson I was going to ask if I was interrupting, but I can see that I am."

"Tucker. I'm on my way out so whatever it is will have to wait until Monday," she said giving him a sharp glare as he glanced at her from head to toe.

"I actually just wanted to come and clear the air. I was in the building and took a chance that you might be here."

"I really don't have time to discuss it. There's nothing to talk about. You've always had a hard on for Elliot so I'm not shocked that you would try to get charges pressed against him."

"It wasn't like that. I saw Cassidy's face and heard it was Stabler and just got pissed. I didn't know the whole story about what was said. If I knew the particulars about what Cassidy said about Lewis then I wouldn't have pushed it so hard. I probably would have hit him myself. Either way I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"Thanks." She kept it simple and didn't want to talk more because she just wanted to get out of there to meet Elliot downstairs. She could tell that he was genuine but she was still a little angry at him. "I gotta go."

Olivia grabbed her bag and jacket and as soon as she got to the door of her office Elliot was there in black slacks, a dark blue shirt and tie and holding his jacket in his arm. They locked eyes, both taking in each other's appearance before Elliot's eyes locked with Tucker's. She saw a flash of anger for a second and then saw his eyes immediately change and dance with humor. It was their typical non-verbal communication and she knew what he was about to do. He silently asked for her permission and she smiled back with her eyes to let him know that it was okay.

"Hey baby, you look fantastic," he said reaching out to give her two kisses on the lips. He noticed Tucker shift uncomfortably in the background.

"You don't look too bad yourself," she responded.

He took her hand and walked closer to Tucker.

"Ed Tucker, long time," he said with a shit eating grin on his face and reaching out to shake his hand.

"Elliot," he said simply and shook his hand quickly before putting it back in his pocket. "So what are you up to these days?"

"Not too much," he said smugly. "When I'm not entertaining this beautiful lady, I'm working with the Feds in DC part time."

"Oh part time? That's unfortunate," Tucker shot back.

"Not really. More than I made here putting in half the hours. It's perfect. Gives me more time for other things," he said looking seductively at Liv who had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing.

"I'm sure. "

"Well baby we have to get going or we will be late for the show," he said really close to her ear but loud enough for Tucker to hear.

"Of course," she finally spoke up.

"Good night Tucker. It was nice to see you again," he said winking at him. As they walked out of her office hand in hand Elliot could feel Tucker watching and decided to do one last thing.

He pulled her more into his side and since there was no one else around he dropped his hand to Olivia's ass and hoped Tucker was still watching. She looked up to see him with the same smirk on his face that he gave her five years ago when Dean Porter offered her a ride home and he shot him down.

Once the elevator doors closed they both burst out laughing.

"You are going to hell for doing that," she laughed.

"For doing what?" He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

"You know what."

"God Liv if nothing else happens tonight, just being able to see that look on Tucker's face made it the perfect night."

"Are you proud of yourself?" she asked sarcastically.

"Not as proud as I'm going to be when I manage to peel that dress off you later."

XXXXX

The broadway show was great but left little time to talk. The only thing she knew about Chelsea so far was that she was a first grade teacher, she was 32 years old, never married and was not the most comfortable with Eric's profession. The couple were affectionate but she could tell something was bothering Chelsea and she hoped at some point in the night they would have a moment to talk alone.

"Table for 4 under the name Stabler," Elliot said as they entered the restaurant.

"This way sir," the maître d said.

"Man this is nice Stabler. Never pegged you for the fancy type," Eric said.

"Well every once in awhile I do it big. Tonight is on me. Enjoy yourself."

They ordered wine and appetizers and settled in to comfortable conversation.

"So Olivia, Elliot tells me you are studying for the Lieutenant's exam. How's that going?" Eric asked her.

She noticed Chelsea's eyes light up and lean in for more information.

"It's going ok, it would be going better if someone wasn't constantly distracting me," she smiled playfully nudging Elliot's side. He leaned in put his hand around her kissing her on the side of the head.

"So what exactly do you do?" Chelsea asked. "Eric told me you are a cop but not much more than that."

"I'm a Sergeant in the Special Victims Unit. We handle sex crimes, kidnappings, trafficking, cases like that. I have four detectives that I work with and I've been there 16 years."

"Wow sounds heavy."

"To say the least."

"Elliot used to work there too. That's how he and Olivia met," Eric added.

"Oh yeah. You two used to be partners right?" she asked.

"Yeah we did. For twelve very long years," Olivia said earning a laugh from the whole table.

"How were you guys able to behave yourselves being partners for that long? Seems like he can't keep his hands off you now," Chelsea asked playfully.

"Well he had a nice gold band on his finger that made it pretty easy," she joked.

"So you guys never crossed the line?" she boldly asked. Eric looked slightly mortified but they both knew why she was asking. Eric and Elliot were partners for now but there could always be a change and that change could be a female.

"No we didn't. I cared for him but I respected his marriage," she responded.

"If nothing else, I remained faithful to my wife. I wasn't the best husband but work is about work. Liv and I never crossed that line even though I spent more time with her than I did my family."

"Is your schedule still as crazy as it was back then?" she asked Olivia.

"Definitely especially now that I'm Commanding Officer. I don't have to be out in the field as much but the hours are still crazy."

"But you have a child right?"

"Yes, I do. He's a year and a half and he has a great nanny who works around my crazy schedule. Every once in awhile I have to bring him to the station but not often. It all works itself out," she said giving Chelsea a reassuring smile.

She saw that Chelsea had something else going on but she couldn't tell what it was.

After more small talk about teaching and their families, Elliot and Eric started talking work while Chelsea and Olivia had some girl talk.

"Your dress is fantastic. Where did you get it?"

"I wish I could take credit for it. I got busy at work and my friend Casey went out and got it for me. I forgot to ask her where she got it."

Chelsea grew silent.

"So you really work a lot hunh?"

"Yeah I do."

"How do you manage…everything? I just…" she looked over at Eric who was still in quite the conversation with Elliot trying to see if she should mention it in front of him. "Eric's hours are just all over the place. It's hard for us to make plans. We planned a vacation last year. I was so excited and then along comes this undercover assignment that he couldn't miss and we couldn't go. I couldn't get a refund on the tickets so I took my mom. I may as well had stayed home because I was miserable the whole time. And then every time he's gone, I wo-."

"Yeah. We are going to get through it," Eric said catching their attention and their conversation stopped.

"Yes. We are. Simmons was a great guy and a great agent," Elliot responded. Olivia rubbed his arm soothingly sensing he was getting emotional before reaching for her wine glass.

"To Simmons," she said raising her glass for a toast.

"To Simmons," Elliot and Eric replied.

They all clinked their glasses together while Chelsea set her glass down without drinking. Tears were starting to form in her eyes and she got up suddenly.

"I have to go to the ladies room. Excuse me."

The guys both looked at each other confused.

"Ill go with her. Ill be right back," she said.

Olivia ran to the bathroom to find one woman exiting the door with a disgusted face and the sounds of a woman throwing up in one of the stalls. It was Chelsea. She waited patiently for her to finish by sitting on one of the benches and didn't announce her presence.

When Chelsea finished she came out of the stall looking flushed and surprised to see Olivia waiting for her.

"So how far along are you?" Olivia asked.

"Should've known you would figure me out," Chelsea smiled weakly. "Darn detectives."

"Yeah. We can be annoying at times. So how far along are you?"

"Almost 10 weeks," she said touching her still non-existent belly.

"Eric doesn't know does he?" she asked motioning for Chelsea to come sit next to her.

"No. He doesn't. I found out while he was away. I wanted to tell him as soon as he got back but with Simmons dying I just couldn't bring it up," she said sadly.

"Eric taking it hard?"

"Yeah. Elliot?"

"He hasn't talked about it much but that's Elliot. He internalizes a lot. It's affected him though. My ex boyfriend has the bruises to prove it," she said and they both laughed.

"Olivia. I don't know how we can do this," she confided. "Eric is gone a lot. I don't want to be living like a single parent. I thought I could handle his career I really did but the whole time he's at work especially when he's undercover I'm a nervous wreck. I think any call I get could be _that_ call. You know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean. I have that feeling with Elliot as well and he has it with me. You never know when someone could be calling to give you that notification."

"How do you deal with it? I mean I know you understand a bit more because you are a cop but outside of that. How do you not worry yourself sick that Simmons could've easily been Elliot?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"Chelsea, just because I'm a cop too doesn't mean I worry any less even though I understand. Taking my cop hat off for a second. Talking concerned significant other to another. I worry every second that I will get the call. His daughters came to see me while he was undercover out of the blue and I almost jumped out of my skin at the sight of them because I thought they were coming to give me the news that something happened to him or that he was dead." Olivia held her hand in hers. "Our relationships aren't conventional. You have to reschedule things at a moment's notice, be flexible, be understanding, your phone rings at all the wrong times and it seems like it somehow always rings whenever you are about to have sex."

"Yes!" Chelsea laughed between her tears relating to everything that Olivia was saying.

"What looks like a completely abnormal situation to everyone else and maybe even you right now, becomes normal. You get used to all of those things and you work around it. You adjust to adjusting. And you learn to appreciate the times you do have together and make the most out of it. The job doesn't necessarily dictate your relationship but it does guide it in different directions. For example, Elliot and I don't formally live together but he's been at my apartment since they got back from being undercover. We are making the most of the time and you have to do the same."

"I'm worried that our baby will feel neglected that his dad can't come to his softball games or her prom or be able to participate in anything."

"Elliot missed a lot of plays and parent teacher conferences. I almost missed Noah's first steps and I don't always get to feed him dinner or breakfast and there are a lot of times I feel guilty and think I'm the world's worst mom. But then I get home and when I walk through the door Noah's face lights up. He reaches for me and hugs me and he just gets it. The same with Elliot's kids. They've had a rough time over the years but they love him unconditionally. Eli thinks that Elliot is a superhero. And in a lot of ways he is," she smiled proudly and Chelsea squeezed her hand. "Your child is going to think the same thing about Eric. Not many kids can go to school and say that their dad is off fighting the bad guys to keep them safe. It's an honor. That's what you teach your child and you will be just fine. I promise."

"Thank you so much Olivia," Chelsea said pulling her into a hug while still crying.

"You are welcome. That's what friends are for."

"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. Elliot and Eric are partners so I have the feeling that you and I are going to get to know each other quite well."

"I'd like that."

"We will exchange phone numbers. You call me anytime you are worried or just if you want to vent."

"You may regret giving me that number."

Olivia chuckled. "Not at all."

Chelsea walked over to the mirror and dabbed cold water on her eyes trying to get herself together before they went back to the table.

"We better get back before they send someone looking for us," she said.

"Can you do me a favor?" Olivia asked.

"Sure. Anything."

"Tell Eric about the baby soon."

"I promise I'll tell him tonight when we get back to the room."

"Oh and can you do me one more favor?"

Chelsea laughed. "What's that?"

"Have fun tonight. You've got to enjoy every moment while you have it and make the time for each other at any moment. One of my best friends gave me that advice and now I'm passing it on to you. Ok?"

"Ok. I will."

As they headed for the door, Chelsea paused again.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked.

"For the record. Elliot better stay Eric's partner because if he comes home with a partner that looks like you we will have a problem," she said seriously.

They both looked at each other before laughing hysterically.

"Oh Chelsea I'm right there with you. Let's make sure they stay partners."

As they walked back to the table arm in arm laughing, Eric and Elliot looked at them both relieved that whatever took them so long obviously went well.

"What's so funny?" Eric asked looking at Chelsea.

"Nothing sweetheart," she replied placing a kiss on his lips and sitting close to him.

"Everything ok?" Elliot whispered to Olivia.

"Everything's perfect baby," she replied putting her arms around his neck.

They talked and laughed through dessert with Eric and Chelsea looking more relaxed than before. Elliot noticed the change and rubbed Olivia's leg as a way of thanking her for whatever was said in the bathroom.

"Hey Olivia, what do you say we take these handsome men on to the dance floor?" Chelsea asked.

"I think that's a great idea. Care to dance with me Agent Stabler?"

"It would be my pleasure."

The four of them walked to the dance floor together and danced the night away grateful for at least one night to have their own piece of normal.

XXXXXX

Author's Note: Hope you guys enjoyed! Please review!

Coming up: Noah's adoption is getting close...ill have to deviate from Surrendering Noah for obvious reasons but there will be some similarities. And ill reiterate again, Nick is not going anywhere and will appear again in this story.


	27. Daddy

Chapter 27: Daddy

After dinner, the two couples parted ways after spending the rest of the night laughing and dancing. Elliot was grateful for whatever Olivia said to Chelsea and so was Eric who pulled her aside at the end of the night when they said their goodbyes. He didn't pry and ask what was said but simply hugged her and said a heartfelt thank you. She hugged him back and told him to always remember tonight. He looked confused but she knew he would find out later on that night what she meant.

The ride back to the apartment was pretty quiet with Elliot stealing glances at Olivia and rubbing her knee.

"What?" she asked amused.

"Nothing."

"It must be something because you keep looking at me like you have something on your mind."

"Oh I have something on my mind alright," he said wagging his eyebrows.

"I don't mean _that, _gutter rat," she said and they both started laughing.

"Just…thank you for whatever you did tonight. I'm not going to ask what you said but it obviously made a difference. I've been with Chelsea and Eric before and they never looked as happy as they did tonight."

"You are welcome and you don't have to thank me. We've had help from people that care about us to get us where we are so it's a good thing to be able to pay it forward. Plus I really like Chelsea and you can tell she loves Eric. Us law enforcement spouses have to stick together you know?" she said before she caught her slip. She looked over at Elliot's smirk and saw that he caught it too. "I mean law enforcement girlfriends, fiances, whatever."

"It's ok, Liv. I got what you meant," he said rubbing her leg trying to reassure her. She was embarrassed and as far as he was concerned she had no right to be. They pulled up to her apartment and he turned the engine off. As she got ready to get out he stopped her. "I feel more committed to you than I have anyone in my life. I don't know what to call us exactly. I don't know that there's a name for it but you are more than my girlfriend. Ok?"

She thought for a moment and smiled. "Ok," she said placing a small sweet kiss on his lips.

While they walked up to her apartment hand in hand Olivia decided to divulge a few more details.

"You want to hear one thing we talked about?" she teased.

"Sure."

"We decided that we have to do whatever it takes to make sure you two stay partners. We don't want either one of you paired up with any young hot female agents."

"Oh really. Well clearly you don't have to worry about that Olivia. If I was able to restrain myself around you for over twelve years of our partnership, I don't think any other female agent has a chance. Clearly I'm good at resisting temptation," he said kissing her as they made it to the door.

"Is that right?" Olivia challenged lifting an eyebrow. He was standing behind her as she put her key in the lock and she purposely grinded herself against him as she pushed the door open. She heard a low groan in his throat.

"Liv," he said in a warning tone.

"Yes?" she asked innocently.

"Hey did you guys have fun?" Lucy asked interrupting them. "Noah's sleeping soundly and was a good boy tonight."

"Good. Thanks for staying late Lucy," she responded.

"Yes we really appreciate it," Elliot added.

"No problem. See you Monday."

Olivia walked over to the nursery to go and check on Noah with Elliot right behind her.

"Good night little man," she said rubbing his back. "Sweet dreams," he added.

As they walked out and she shut the door he caged her in with his arms straddling the door frame.

"So where were we?" he asked in a low voice that sent chills up her spine. She tried to act like she wasn't affected but he could see right through it.

"You called my name and I answered you. I think that's where we left off."

"I think we left off with you teasing me at the doorway," he said leaning in closer to her but stopping just before his lips touched her neck. He was breathing on her and the mixture of his cologne and heat from his body was making her weak in the knees but she was determined to not waiver.

"Actually we were on you and your strong ability to resist temptation," she said trying to make her voice sound as normal as possible.

"Are you saying I cant? You didn't end up fucked during all that time we spent together did you?" he challenged.

"Well the main reason is because I can count on one hand the number of times you touched me during our partnership. I'm pretty sure if I would've dangled the bait a bit more when you were separated you would've given in and I would've ended up fucked as you so eloquently phrased it."

"You think so?"

"I do," she said leaning forward causing him to remove his hands from the doorframe. She then sauntered towards her bedroom leaving a visual of her hands behind her back trying to unzip her dress.

He quickly followed her into the bedroom and shut the door as the dress hit the floor revealing matching red bra and panties.

Elliot put his hands in his pockets and they both stared at each other giving a non-verbal challenge to the other to see who would cave in first. When he didn't respond, Olivia turned things up a notch and turned around to bend over and take off her shoes. She smiled to herself when she heard him take in a deep breath that sounded like a whistle. This was their relationship even when they were partners. Always a challenge and a push pull dynamic that was never totally adversarial but one of them fighting for some domination or to prove a point.

"Come here," she whispered. "Touch me."

He accepted the challenge and stepped forward rubbing his hands down her back and over the curve of her ass while she wrapped her hands around his neck sucking on his earlobe. When she moaned into his ear it immediately sent a shock wave down to his groin.

"Still resisting temptation?" she whispered while she unhooked her bra from behind.

"Mhmm," was all he could muster out.

Olivia stood back from him just in panties and her high heels and Elliot took her in from head to toe. His breathing was ragged and his eyes were a deep shade of blue.

"Aww fuck it," he said before grabbing her and throwing her on the bed.

"I knew you couldn't resist," she laughed under him.

"Only you Liv. Only you. Always," he said seriously before removing the rest of his clothes.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Elliot left to go and get Eli from Kathy's house and take the kids to Central Park while Olivia studied for her lieutenant's exam that was in a couple of weeks. He felt bad about distracting her from studying so much lately but had to fight with her because she hated missing out on time with all of them together. He pulled up at his house in Queens with Noah in the backseat. He was a little hesitant to bring him in thinking that may make Kathy a little uncomfortable so he sent her a text that he was outside and honked his horn a couple of times but there was no answer. After a minute or so he finally scooped Noah up and went to the door. After knocking a few times she finally answered looking a bit flustered.

"Oh Elliot I'm so—Oh. Hey Noah," she said surprised.

"Can you say hello to Miss Kathy?" Elliot asked Noah.

"Hey," Noah said after a moment and waved his tiny hand.

"Well this is quite a surprise. Come on in. Eli is of course going back and forth about what toys to bring. Sorry I missed your text but I was trying to prepare dinner and Dick is here," she said cautiously. Normally she wouldn't have been so nervous but she didn't know how her son would react to seeing Elliot so comfortable with Olivia's son.

"Daddy! Can you help me pick out what action figured to bring?" Eli screamed from the top of the stairs.

"Sure squirt," he replied. "Come on Noah let's go see Eli's room."

After picking out the toys and getting him packed up, Elliot came face to face with his oldest son as he came down the stairs.

"Hey dad," he said while keeping an eye on Noah. Kathy had clearly given him a heads up so it looked to Elliot as if he was trying to put on his best behavior.

"Hey Dickie, how are you son?" he asked while reaching out to give him a hug.

"I'm fine. This must be Noah," he said reaching out to touch the little boy's hand.

"Yes it is. He's excited to go to the park."

"Do you mind if I tag along?" he asked.

Kathy looked over at Elliot and they both exchanged stunned glances.

"Umm yes of course. I would like that," Elliot said patting his shoulder. "Come on let's get going."

XXXXXX

The drive to the park was pretty silent between Elliot and Dickie. He tried to feel out his mood but he mostly was either quiet or just interjected whenever Eli asked something from the backseat.

Noah started to follow Eli's cue and started babbling and saying a few words as well. Once they reached the park they walked around for a little while taking in the sights, the boys played a little bit and eventually ended up on the carousel.

The boys were starting to tire out and Elliot took the time as they walked back to grab some lunch to talk to Dickie.

"So how's the real estate business treating you?" he asked.

"So far so good. Business is pretty good right now. Seems like everyone is looking to buy these days," Dickie replied.

"How's everything else going?"

"Pretty good. Can't complain. Making good money, doing some renovation work on my apartment and just hanging out."

"Renovation work hunh? Well if you need any help let me know. I'd like to lend a hand."

"Really?" Dickie asked surprised.

"Of course."

"You seem pretty busy nowadays so I didn't think to ask," he said looking down.

"Dickie. You're my son. I'm never too busy. That's why when I went back to work I didn't go back full time. I want to make time for all of you kids. I've been seeing your sisters but haven't seen you around as much and I wanted to just give you your space. I don't want to force anything on you. But if you're up to it, I want us to spend more time together. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Alright it's getting late. Let's wrangle these guys up and head back."

"Sounds good."

They ate lunch and walked back to the car.

"Dad do you mind dropping me off a few blocks from here? I'm just going to meet up with some of my friends instead of going back to moms for my car right now."

"Sure."

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"You're spending a lot of time with Olivia's little boy hunh?"

Elliot stopped in front of the car and watched Dickie closely looking for any sign of a problem and braced himself for the worst.

"Yes I am. I'm spending a lot of time with her and her son. Is that ok?"

"Yeah. It's fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. He seems to really like you. That's good."

"I like him too and thanks."

They got in the car and headed to drop Dickie off. As they pulled up to the corner Elliot thought it was now a good time as any to find out if he was up to the get together that the girls proposed.

"So your sisters want to get all of us together soon for dinner or something with Liv and Noah. You up to that?"

"Sure. When?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Ill let them set it up and let you know what they come up with."

"Oh Geez. With those two in charge there's no telling what we are in for," he said rolling his eyes and they both laughed.

Dickie got out of the car after saying goodbye to Eli and Noah. Elliot called out to him to get his attention before he walked away.

"Hey Dickie. Thanks for coming with me today son."

"You're welcome dad."

XXXXXXXXX

Elliot arrived back at Olivia's apartment with the kids in tow. After much maneuvering between Noah and his diaper bag and Eli's luggage, Elliot opened her door to find her laid out on the couch with books and papers everywhere. It at least looked like it had been a productive day.

"Hey Olivia," Eli said before Elliot could shush him.

Olivia popped up a little startled because she didn't hear them come in.

"How was the park?" she asked while reaching down to hug him.

"It was fine. We rode the carousel, ate Cotton Candy, played on the swings and me and Noah rolled around in the grass," he said excited.

"Sounds like an exhausting day," she said letting go of him and reaching for Noah, "Hi my love. Did you have a good day?"

"He played like a champ," Elliot added rubbing Noah's hair. "He's probably exhausted."

"He looks like it. I'll go lay him down and Eli how about you and I start working on what we will eat for dinner tonight since we had to miss making breakfast together for your dad when he left?"

"Yes!" he shouted. "I thought you forgot about that."

"I would never forget. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to do it that day and I had to break my promise but we are going to make a great dinner tonight. Go get washed up."

He ran to the bathroom while Elliot and Olivia laughed at his enthusiasm.

"You know you are really great with this one," she said reaching to take a now sleeping Noah out of his arms."

"Yeah I've had a little practice," he answered.

While Olivia disappeared into the room to lay down Noah, Elliot went to settle on the couch. He had to move a lot of her papers and books out of the way to make room for himself and his eyes settled on a paper with Noah's name on it. He was already reading it before he thought it may be an invasion of her privacy.

The paper was a notice from the court to finalize Noah's adoption next week and a form for her to complete for his new birth certificate. She already had most of the paperwork completed. He took notice that she moved Porter to Noah's middle name and the attorney on Noah's behalf was Trevor Langan. There was also a paper that listed the name of Noah's birth father as John Drake and listed him as incarcerated. The adoption was coming up sooner than he realized and she hadn't mentioned anything about it to him. He realized she was overwhelmed but it was such a big event in her life he was taken aback that she didn't talk about it much and share more details with him.

"Hey he's down for the count," she said coming out of the room making him jump. He hurried and put the paper back down on the table before she noticed and acted like he was fumbling through television channels.

"You ok?" Olivia asked when she came to sit next to him on the couch.

"I'm fine," he said in a clipped tone. "Hey Eli why don't you pick out a movie for us to watch?"

"Ok daddy but it has to be a short one though because me and Olivia have to make dinner," he said matter of factly.

"He's so excited to make you a special meal," she said leaning in closer to him. "I just realized I haven't even properly greeted you yet." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you again for taking the boys out today. I got a lot of studying done and was able to take care of some other paperwork too."

"What other paperwork?" he asked.

"Just miscellaneous stuff. I forgot how behind I was with everything so it was nice to get all of that taken care of. But, no more day trips without me. I want to have fun too once I get past this exam," she said playfully.

He didn't respond and searched her eyes for a little bit trying to see if he could figure out why she wasn't talking to him in detail about the adoption process. They seemed to share everything else. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was some deeper reason as to why she was being aloof about the adoption.

"Are you sure you are ok?" she asked again.

"Yeah I'm just a little tired," he lied.

"Ok well you can rest on me while we watch the movie or go in the back and take a nap until after dinner is ready," she offered.

"I'll watch the movie and then go lay in the back while dinner is cooking."

"Ok," she said cautiously. She knew better than to push Elliot when something was wrong so she decided she would wait until later to see if he would be more forthcoming.

XXXX

Elliot didn't say much to her during dinner and they focused all of their attention on the kids. Although Olivia was bothered, she enjoyed how much Eli liked talking about all of the things that were going on with him and bathed in the attention. His banter back and forth with Elliot was pure comedy and Noah joined in as best he could with a few words here and there when prompted.

She was so happy that everything in her life seemed to be getting on track but Elliot's demeanor bothered her. He had gotten pretty good at sharing his feelings lately and being more vocal about what was on his mind so the regression was concerning.

"Alright we are all done. I'm going to go give these two monkeys a bath and then it's time for bed," he offered. Before she could say anything he was lifting Noah out of his high chair and heading to the bathroom.

After a joint effort of getting them both down for bed in Noah's room Eli asked for his daddy to stay with him for a minute. Olivia kissed him and Noah good night and left the room.

"What is it son?" he asked leaning down on the floor next to his bed.

"Are we always going to stay here when you and I have time together?" he asked.

Elliot's heart sank. He had been spending so much time at Olivia's house he didn't think that Eli wouldn't always want to be there.

"No we don't have to. I'm sorry I should've asked you first. You'd rather we stay at our apartment next time?"

"Well it's not that it's just…." he struggled to get out.

"Eli you can talk to me. You can tell daddy anything. I won't be mad at you. Do you wish we spent more time just you and me?" he coaxed him on rubbing his hair.

"No I like Olivia and Noah it's just that well…..my xbox is at your apartment. If we are going to be here can we go get it?" he asked sincerely.

Elliot erupted in laughter but quickly quieted himself concerned he would wake up Noah and Eli looked confused.

"What daddy?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Nothing. I love you son. Yes we will go get your xbox ok?"

"Ok. Good night daddy. I love you."

"Ni ni daddy," Elliot heard another small voice say. He stopped in his tracks thinking he was hearing things.

He looked over at Eli who was already out cold. He slowly walked over to Noah's crib to see him awake and cuddling one of his bears. He laid his hands on his belly and rubbed back and forth to try and sooth him to sleep. He still wasn't sure that he really heard Noah correctly.

"Time to go night night little man," he whispered. After a few moments Noah started to drift off.

"Ni daddy," he said again before closing his eyes.

Elliot smiled after getting his confirmation and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Goodnight son."

**Coming up: The topic surrounding Noah's adoption brings up old issues for Olivia and Elliot and Elliot makes a special visit to talk to someone very special to him.**

**Author's Note: Thank you to all that are still reading the story. It is much appreciated. Please continue to review, I love to hear what you guys like and don't like. Also, should I bump this story up to an "M" rating? I'm struggling a bit with that. There will be more adult scenes but the majority of the story isn't so not sure. Please feel free to send me a PM or a review letting me know what rating you think the story should be. This is just my second story so need a little guidance with that ****J**


	28. Bringing up Old Shit

Chapter 28: Bringing up Old Shit

"You got them both down ok?" Olivia asked from the couch.

"Yeah they are both out cold," Elliot responded. His happiness at Noah calling him daddy was being temporarily overshadowed by the irritation he still felt towards her. Instead of joining her on the couch he went over to the kitchen and grabbed a beer.

"So you gonna tell me what's wrong with you now?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

He continued to drink in the kitchen and looked out of the window instead of making eye contact with her.

"El you didn't talk to me during dinner and you've been distant all night," she explained walking over to the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. "Come on what's wrong? Talk to me."

He leaned into her touch and took some steadying breaths trying to calm down before he talked. He didn't want to end up in a screaming match.

Frustrated with his silence she turned him around to face her, took his beer out of his hand and put her arms around his neck. "Please. Talk to me. We said we would always be honest with each other."

"Yeah we did," he countered.

"Are you implying that I haven't been honest?" She pulled her arms from around his neck and folded them defensively.

"You tell me. When is Noah's adoption going to be finalized?" he asked angrily.

"At the end of next week. Why?" she asked confused.

"Why didn't you tell me? You haven't mentioned when it would be final. You don't think I would've wanted to be there and to be a part of everything? Hmm? Why didn't you tell me about his biological father?"

"Wait Elliot hold on," she said holding up her hands in a stop gesture. "I didn't purposely keep that from you. I told you everything about the adoption when I first told you about Noah. It just hasn't come up recently. As far as everything with his biological dad, I just didn't want to talk about all of that. It's a very sensitive subject for me because I'm worried that he will try and get some rights to Noah."

"And don't you think I could've helped you with that?"

"I know you could've but I don't want you to. Elliot, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings truly I didn't. I plan on having a party or something after the adoption goes through and I want you there. Everyone will be there."

"A party afterwards? What about the actual adoption? You don't want me there for that?"

She was silent and looked down and his eyes widened with realization. She really didn't want him to be a part of the process.

"Wow. You really don't do you?" he said rubbing his hand down his face. "Why Liv? Why don't you want me to be a part of this?"

She walked back to the living room with him following close behind. She sat down and tried to choose her words very carefully.

"Elliot. I—You have to understand. Becoming Noah's mother legally is all I have thought about over the past year. It is the single most important thing I think I have ever done in my life. But when I started the process of fostering him and adopting him I did it by myself and I want to finish it that way," she explained. She seemed legitimately sorry for hurting him but she was firm in her position.

"Wow." It was all he could say. He couldn't believe that she was going to shut him out of this. "We are supposed to be in a relationship. Something this big we should be doing together."

"You are here for me and I appreciate that. More than you know but I just want your support Elliot. Nothing else," she explained. "I have to do this alone."

"Ok. Consider it done. Just let me know what time the party is," he said leaning back on the couch and suddenly pissed when he realized that Eli was sleeping so he couldn't get up and leave.

"Please understand," she said trying to place her hand on his knee to comfort him. She was shocked when he recoiled from his touch.

"Are you serious? Are you really going to be mad at me for not having you be a part of this one thing?"

"This one thing? Olivia this is you adopting a baby! Do you not think that I would be the least pissed off that you don't want me to be a part of something that you call the most important event in your life?" he asked raising his voice.

"Please keep your voice down the kids are sleeping," she said calmly.

"That's right Liv. The kids are here sleeping. Our kids are in there _together _spending the night _together; _they are bonding with me and you. We are already in this together in so many ways at least I thought we were. Is this relationship not as important to you as it is to me?"

"Of course it is Elliot. Don't be ridiculous! But there are still aspects of my life that were in place before you came back that I have to handle. You can't just expect everything to fall back in place like you never left. It doesn't work that way," she argued back.

He stood up and began to rub his temples. He couldn't believe they were back to discussing his absence from her life. He thought she understood and they were past all of that.

"Are we really back here Liv? I thought you understand why I left." His voice was calm and the look on his face was one of confusion.

"Of course I understand."

"Then why are you bringing up all this old shit?! Is this your way of punishing me for not being there?"

"I'm not bringing up old shit Elliot. I'm trying to make you face reality here. Regardless of why you left you weren't here for four years! And a lot has happened since then. I found this little boy and I have been his mom. I started this journey and I am so proud to be completing it. You were always a big part of everything I did and then suddenly you weren't and I had to deal with that. I had to find a way to step out on my own because I didn't have you to lean on or save me. Right, wrong or indifferent, that's what it is!"

They were both silent for a while taking in what the other person said. Olivia didn't want to punish Elliot because he went through hell while they were apart but so did she. He was trying really hard to pick up where they left off but there was still a part of her that would not allow herself to be as dependent on him the way she was before. She almost didn't make it when he left her the first time and she couldn't put herself in that position again especially with the most precious thing in her life, her son.

"I'm sorry I put you through that Olivia," he said stoically. She shuddered at his use of her full first name and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not looking for an apology Elliot. Just for you to understand." She sat back down and tried to sit closer to him again. "I love you. I love you so much and I love how close you are with Noah. He really likes you," she said smiling. "This thing with me and you is new. No matter how long we've known each other and been partners and how much you know about me our romantic relationship is new."

He tried to understand but all he could focus on was the fact that she was still holding his absence against him.

"I told you once that I would always be there for you whenever you decided to become a parent and I would support you no matter how you decided to it. Do you remember that?" he challenged her.

"Yeah I do," she said frustrated that he was bringing that up. "I also remember how unsupportive you were when I had Calvin you did everything you could to make sure that I didn't keep him. You turned in that DNA sample to find his father and ultimately that's why I ended up losing-,"

"_You_ were supposed to turn it in Liv! I only turned it in because you lied to me about the fact that you were going to and it was the right thing to do! Calvin deserved to know his father and that situation would've ended up hurting you when Vivian just came out of nowhere and changed the custody arrangement which is exactly what did!" he yelled.

"That wasn't your decision to make!" she said getting into his face. "That's the problem! You are supportive as long as it's done your way and you are involved. Ok so yeah I lied about turning in the sample but you know why I did it. You had your family Elliot! You had your wife and your five kids and I wanted a family just something of my own and you didn't want me to have one unless it was the way you thought it should be or in a way you approved of."

Elliot rubbed his head again trying to reign in his temper and his words. This was his moment to be completely honest with her but he prayed that she wouldn't think any less of him for his explanation.

"You're right. I didn't want you to have a family unless it was the way I thought it should be. God help me Liv but when I told you back then that I would support you any way you wanted to be a mom I wanted that to include me," he said in a voice so low that she had to strain to hear him. Her eyebrow arched in response to confession and she didn't know what to say. She knew that he was always possessive of her and she purposely kept her boyfriends away from him but she had no idea that he thought of having a family with her. When he brought up his wife having a baby over 40 in that same conversation she was pissed and stormed off because she didn't want to hear about how once again they managed to beat all the odds and add to their "perfect" family.

"I know that makes me a selfish son of a bitch and a horrible husband but even back then, I couldn't imagine you having a child if that child wasn't mine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I held you back in any way from whatever you wanted to do with your life. With Calvin that wasn't my intention, I just wanted to protect you," he explained. He moved back closer to her and they were holding each other's hands.

"I know you did El. For the record you didn't hold me back. I held myself back. I made the decision to not pursue relationships and have a personal life because I was holding on to the hope of me and you," she said and snickered at the statement. "Wow that's the first time I've said that out loud to anyone other than my shrink," she added.

He chuckled in response as well but didn't say much more. He wanted nothing more than to make up for all the years that Olivia lost out on for the sake of him but didn't know what to do or if it was too late. They sat in comfortable silence before he spoke up.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted.

"I don't regret anything about us. Then or now. There were times when I resented the way things were back then but if things wouldn't have happened the way they did then we wouldn't be where we are now. I truly believe that," she said sincerely pulling him in for a kiss. "And for the record. I wouldn't change anything about us right now. It's the happiest I've ever been."

"Really? You wouldn't change anything?" he asked amazed.

"Yeah really. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

She paused before she asked the question but eventually managed to ask. "If I would've asked you back then to be the father of my child. What would you have done?"

He played with his hands and looked straight ahead not wanting to give an answer. They locked eyes and the answer was written all over his face.

"Let me put it this way. I'm just glad you never asked," he answered.

Their partnership had been a contradiction in so many ways. He was her protector and was there for her when no one else was but at the same time he was selfish with her and wanted her to himself even when he was unavailable. She was his rock and his shoulder to lean on when he felt like no one else in the world understood him but once he fell in love with her he could no longer commit himself fully to his marriage and his family suffered as a result. Everything about them was wrong but right, bad but good, codependent but fierce unconditional love.

"El. Is the real reason you are upset is because you want to adopt Noah?" she asked cautiously.

"No. Yes. I-I don't know."

"Elliot..

He cut her off. "I know Liv. I know I'm coming in and it looks like I'm trying to take over. You are right he's your son and even though I haven't been back that long I want to be his father. I love him."

"I know you do and I love you for it really I do. But right now, I don't want to do or change anything that's going to affect this adoption. I'm not saying that you can't adopt him at some point down the line but let's just see how things go. Ok?"

She was really hoping he understood.

"Ok. And that's not the only reason I'm upset. I just want to be included baby that's all. Don't shut me out. I know I wasn't there and I know you have your walls up as a result."

"I-," she tried to say but he cut her off as she got ready to protest.

"Don't deny it please. I get it. I know what I went through when you were gone for a few months so I can only imagine what you went through when I was away and how you had to cope. It makes sense for you to be cautious. Just don't shut me out of the important stuff. Please," he begged.

She didn't want to shut him out but the thought of putting so much trust in him and relying on him so much was terrifying to her.

"How about we split the difference?" she offered.

"What do you mean?"

"Come to the adoption. It was just going to be me and Langan in there with the judge but I want you to come too."

"That's ok. You don't have to just because I brought it up. I can just come to the party afterwards, I just wanted you to know how I felt," he offered.

"No no, I want you there. I promise," she said holding his head in her hands. "Please come."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

XXXXX

The next morning after breakfast Elliot asked Olivia to watch Eli while he ran an errand. He didn't tell her where he was going and she didn't ask. It took him about thirty minutes to get out of the city since there was no traffic. He pulled up to the cemetery and said a silent prayer before getting out of the car.

He stood looking at the headstone for a few minutes before talking.

"I know it's been awhile since I've come to see you honey. I'm sorry. Life got in the way a little bit and I missed our monthly date," he said before kneeling down. "I brought your favorite. Sunflowers," he said setting the flowers down next to the headstone.

"A lot of stuff has changed since we last spoke. Dickie and I are talking again. He's finally coming around. Lizzie is doing better since everything that happened with her friend. She's so strong. Maureen and her husband are trying for a baby. I can't see myself being a grandpa but I'm looking forward to it. I hope it all works out." He took a deep breath trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I guess I've also been feeling a little guilty. Olivia and I are together. Can you believe it? Well then again I guess you can. No one seems that surprised. I guess an 'I told you so' is in order because she called me out for being selfish and not wanting anyone else to have her all those years ago. No surprise there either I guess at least not for you because you told me that," he chuckled. "I uhh I hope that you don't feel that this is a betrayal. The kids say that you were ok with me and Liv but I can't help but feel a little remorseful I guess. She has a son. A little boy. His name is Noah and I love him. For some crazy reason I actually think he loves me too. He called me daddy last night. I didn't tell Liv though. I didn't know how she would feel about it. I was happy about it, I _am_ happy about it but then I felt guilty that I was being a father to another child when I wasn't a good father to you," he choked out and a few tears escaped his eyes. "I hope you know I would never try to replace you honey. I feel like I have another chance to do right by this family. That includes your brothers and sisters and Liv and her son. I'm going to do right I swear and I just pray to God that you are ok with all of this."

He was able to make amends with everyone else in life and make things right but with Kathleen it would always be an open-ended question about whether or not she forgave him and that's what was hardest for him. He wished he had some kind of sign from her that she was ok with all of these changes in his life but he knew that nothing would stop him from being with Olivia. Their argument last night brought up some old issues for him that he realized Kathleen was right about all along. Although he felt like he moved past them in a lot of ways and he was a better person he had to continuously deal with the fallout of the decisions he made.

XXXXX

Elliot arrived back to Olivia's apartment in the early afternoon to the kids playing in the living room but she was nowhere to be found.

He called out for her and she emerged from the bedroom upset with her cell phone in her hands.

"Baby what is it?" he asked concerned.

Olivia ushered him back into the bedroom and shut the door.

"It's John Drake, Noah's biological dad. All of the witnesses that were supposed to testify against him are dropping like flies. One of the witnesses killed another and the girls that he pimped out are changing their stories. If he walks, he could come after Noah."

XXXX

**Coming up: an alternative version of 'Surrendering Noah'. **


	29. Adopting Noah

Chapter 29: Adopting Noah

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who is still reading this story! The response has been amazing and thank you all for taking the time to review. It means the world. Now this is how I wish the season finale would've gone…with less detail of course but you get the jest of it ;-)**

Olivia tossed and turned all night thinking about the trial and everything with Johnny D. She couldn't stand the thought of losing her son and to a criminal like him no less. She knew he didn't want to be a father but he would take Noah just to spite her and have some leverage to get out of his charges. When she finally got tired of tossing and turning she decided to go and peek in on Noah in his nursery. When Elliot woke up around 5am and discovered she wasn't in the bed he decided to go and check on her. He felt her moving throughout the night and figured she didn't get much sleep.

"Hey," he said in a groggy voice. He walked over to her at the window and put his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. She immediately exhaled and leaned into his body.

"Hey, I'm sorry did I wake you?"

"Yeah. You've been tossing and turning all night. I know you are worried but it's going to be ok baby. That bastard isn't going to get anywhere near you or Noah. I promise you that."

He didn't know much about John Drake but he sent an email the night before to his contact at the Feds to send over all of the information they had. He wasn't going to do anything to him. He had no intentions to upset Olivia again and trusted her to handle the situation but he needed to have all the information he could on the man that was a threat to his family.

"Barba is meeting me at the precinct later this morning to talk about the trial and how it affects Noah's adoption. I need to get all the information I can."

Elliot let the silence hang between them. He wanted to be in on the conversation as well but didn't want to push.

"That's a good idea," he said simply. He went to fix some coffee and she sat at the breakfast bar watching him closely.

"Listen, I don't know what you have planned for the day with Eli but I was wondering if maybe he could stay here with Lucy and Noah and you come meet Barba with me."

He stopped suddenly and turned to face her. "Are you sure?"

"Of course. I want you there."

"Then I'm there."

XXXXX

A few hours later everyone was huddled in Olivia's office going over everything with John Drake's case and Noah's adoption. Nick and Fin were there to discuss what they found out about the investigation and Olivia called Trevor since he was Noah's attorney. Elliot stood behind her near her desk and was careful not to say much. He sat back and watched as the people who had become so important to her in the past few years worked to make sure she didn't lose her child.

"So where are we with Selena and Timmer? Did she kill him intentionally?" Barba asked.

"Rollins and I went to talk to the ME. He said that Timmer was attacked before he even knew what hit him but without video proof we really can't prove if she did it out of self defense," Fin said.

"But what do we think?" Olivia asked.

"It was a blitz attack Liv. Somehow Drake got to her. She killed that dude in cold blood," he responded.

Barba then turned to Olivia. "Ok and the other witnesses. Ariel, her mother what's the deal with them?"

"They are in but all the rest of the girls are super shaky and backing out. They are scared to death."

"Ok Nick, you and Fin grab Carisi and Rollins and go make arrangements to talk to all the girls again. Get them on board, talk to them, hug them, cry with them, do whatever you have to do to get them on that stand tomorrow and telling the truth," Barba ordered.

"You got it," Nick responded. He and Fin got ready to walk out before Olivia spoke up.

"Let me talk to them."

Elliot suddenly moved closer to her and put his hand on the small of her back. He wanted to speak up but decided not to.

"That's the last thing we need right now. We don't want his attorney claiming any kind of misconduct or coercion on the part of the police," Barba countered.

"He's right Olivia. You have to stay as far away from this as possible because of the pending adoption," Trevor added.

"But I can get through to them I know I can. _You _know I can," she said to Barba. "He can't get off because those girls are scared and because he took out one of our star witnesses."

As Elliot was about to say something to her, Nick moved close to her put his hands on her arms. "Liv, we got this. We are going to get these girls to talk. Between Fin's charm and my good looks, we will persuade them to talk," he joked and she couldn't help but smile a little. "Trust us."

"I do trust both of you. Ok. Ok. I'll stand down," she reluctantly agreed.

Elliot breathed a sigh of relief and immediately gained more respect for Nick. They hadn't had the opportunity to talk since he came back in Olivia's life but he appreciated how he had her back and was able to get through to her even when she was being stubborn.

"Ok, so if all of this happens and Johnny D gets convicted then where does that leave Noah and his visitation rights?" she asked after Nick and Fin left the room.

"Well the best thing we can hope for is that he is convicted. Due to the nature of the charges against him and the time he will have to serve it should be relatively easy to terminate his parental rights. But we need the guilty verdicts," Trevor added looking directly at Barba.

"His lawyer is already trying to move for visitation rights," Barba said. "And he's doing that just to rattle you and use Noah as a bargaining chip. Don't let him. Stay strong and focus on the adoption proceedings."

"Easier said than done," she said leaning over to regain her composure. She was suddenly reminded of Elliot's presence again when he started rubbing her arm in an effort to sooth her. She put her hand over his in acknowledgment.

"If the trial takes longer or the jury takes awhile to come back with the verdict, will the final adoption hearing need to be pushed back?" Elliot asked.

"I would strongly recommend it," Trevor answered. "I'd rather the judge have all the facts and everything finalized with him in front of her before she signs off but it's up to you Olivia."

"No I agree. I don't want that son of a bitch and his attorney coming back trying to contest anything. I want it over and done with so we can move on with our lives."

"Ok. Barba if the trial hits a snag let me know and Ill reach out to Judge Linden and move the adoption back. Hang in there Olivia," Trevor said before leaving.

"I need to get back to the office too. We're going to get him Liv. Johnny D is not going to hurt any more women and he's definitely not getting his hands on Noah," Barba said and packed up his briefcase.

"Look I know you didn't agree with me revealing that Johnny was the father."

"No I didn't but you made a good point and so did Trevor. It's best for the judge to have everything so it can be a good clean adoption and everyone can move on. You deserve that," he said patting her on the arm and getting ready to leave.

"Thank you for everything," Elliot said extending his hand.

"You bet."

"So what do we now?" she asked turning around to Elliot.

"We wait. You've got a great group of people around you. They are going to make sure that Johnny D goes down and hopefully by this time next week, you will be adopting Noah."

"You sound pretty confident," she said reaching out to hug him.

"I am hopeful that everything is going to work out."  
"How do you know that?"

"Because in so many ways it already has."

XXXX

Olivia tried to keep herself busy at work throughout that day and the next as witnesses began to testify in the trial. Selena was a bust but after some persuasion from Rollins the other girls all got on the stand and told everything that happened to them. There were still a few more witnesses to go but Olivia was getting reassurance from Barba whenever he had a break in court that everything was going smoothly. It didn't look like she needed to move the adoption proceedings back so she remained cautiously optimistic.

Meanwhile, Elliot had received the file back from the feds and looked over everything. What he found out about Johnny D was terrifying. He saw the pictures of what happened to Ellie Porter and some of the other girls in his trafficking ring and his heart broke. It was these types of cases and ones involving children that used to take the biggest toll on him while he was in SVU and why he didn't regret leaving. When he thought about Noah he couldn't believe that he came from such a horrible person. Envisioning what the little boy's life would've been like if he and Olivia hadn't found each other was almost too much to bear.

He talked through the contents of the file with Eric who worked to retrieve it for him. Eric reassured him that everything would be fine and how lucky Noah was to have both him and Olivia as his parents now. Olivia beeped in on his other line while they were talking.

"Hey beautiful."

"El! There's…. been a shooting…..at the courthouse. Nick..got..hit…I don't' know how bad it is," she choked out.

"Ok where are you? I'm coming to you right now," he said standing immediately to put his shoes on and grab his keys.

"I'm on my way to Mercy General."

"Ok I'll be there."

XXXXX

When Olivia arrived to the hospital she ran right in to Fin and Amanda outside of the emergency room.

"How is he?" she asked frantically.

"He's alive. We don't know how bad it is yet," Fin answered.

"What the hell happened?" she asked.

"Johnny D saw the trial wasn't going his way and grabbed people and just started shooting. He took out two court officers, shot the judge and some other bystanders. They are all critical and Nick went after him," Amanda responded. She was trying to keep it together but she was emotional for other reasons. Olivia had long suspected that her and Nick were involved but never approached either one of them about it.

"Is he-?"

"Yeah Liv. Johnny D is no longer a problem for you. He's dead," Fin answered.

While processing the news, Olivia cringed when Tucker came through the doors.

"Well it didn't take you long to show up. Can you at least wait for him to get out of surgery before you get ready to nail him? It was a good shoot," Amanda spit at him.

"Amanda calm down. Fin go take her for a walk," Olivia said.

"I know it was a good shoot. I had plenty of people who witnessed it but you know I have to be here and take his statement eventually anyway. I'm not here to cause problems," he responded with his hands up in a defensive gesture.

"Well that's a first," Fin said pulling Amanda away.

"Liv! Liv!" Elliot shouted running up to her.

"Elliot! I'm so glad you are here."

"I'm here baby," he said hugging her close. "How is Nick? Have you heard anything?"

"Not yet," she explained.

When they broke apart, Elliot finally noticed Tucker and the atmosphere changed immediately.

"Stabler."

"Tucker." That was the extent of their acknowledgment.

Olivia went on to explain to Elliot everything that happened at the courthouse while they waited for word on Nick. While he was sorry that other people were hurt, he breathed a sigh of relief that Johnny D was out of the picture and no longer a hurdle for Olivia.

The waiting room was crawling with law enforcement personnel and family members all awaiting word on people who got shot. Olivia called Maria to give her the news and Elliot stayed by her side as she struggled to keep it together.

"Family of Nick Amaro," a middle aged male doctor said as he came through the double doors.

"Here. I'm his Commanding Officer. His mom is on her way. How is he?" Olivia asked as everyone gathered around.

"Surgery went well. He's fine. He took a bullet to the leg and in the shoulder but we were able to get both bullets out and he will make a full recovery," he said.

Everyone collectively let out sighs of relief.

"Can I see him?" Olivia asked.

"You can see him for a few minutes while he's in recovery," he said showing her to the room.

Nick's mom arrived to the hospital and after Nick had to basically put her out, Olivia finally agreed to go home after being at the hospital all day and in to the night. In all the madness of talking to people and doctors about Nick, it wasn't until she walked back into the waiting room to get ready to leave that she remembered Elliot was still there.

"Honey. You're still here," she said but it was more like a surprised question.

"Of course I am," he yawned and stretched as he stood up.

"I'm so sorry with everything going on I figured you had left." She started to gather all of her belongings as they walked to the exit.

"Everything's good with Nick?"

"Yeah he will be riding the desk for a few weeks but the doctors said he will be good as new in about a month or so."

"How about the shooting? Is he in trouble?" Elliot asked concerned. He saw Tucker and knew exactly how IAB was especially considering Nick's connection to Johnny D through Olivia.

"Well Tucker claims that he knows it was a good shooting and there were more than enough witnesses around to corroborate Nick's story. He should be ok but you never know with IAB."

"I'm sure he will be fine," he assured her kissing the top of her head. "Let's go home."

XXXXXX

"Lucy thank you so much for staying," Olivia said while walking in to her apartment with Elliot close behind.

"Oh no problem. Hi Elliot. How's Nick?" she asked as she got up from the couch with Noah on her hip.

"He's out of surgery and resting. His mom is up there with him now. He's going to be just fine it could've been worse," she responded.

"Hi my love, you're still awake," she said reaching for Noah.

"Yeah he didn't want to go to sleep without his mommy," she said handing Noah over to her.

"Aww Mommy's home. Mommy's home," she said cradling him in her arms.

"Good night," Lucy said heading for the door. "See you tomorrow."

Olivia continued to hold Noah and paced with him around the room repeatedly kissing his head softly.

"See I told you Liv. Everything's fine. You are not losing this little guy," he said reassuring her.

"Yeah. I hate that people lost their lives in that shooting but I'm glad that Johnny D's not in the picture anymore."

Noah started to drift off on Olivia's shoulder.

"Let me go and put him down," she said.

In the nursery, she laid a sleeping Noah down in his crib and rubbed his back gently. "It's all over now Noah. We are going to be just fine. Sleep tight my Angel."

XXXXX

A week later, Olivia, Noah, Elliot and Trevor were gathered outside of Judge Linden's chambers awaiting the adoption hearing.

She held Noah tight to her and was pacing back and forth in the hall patting his back.

"Nervous?" Elliot asked with a smirk.

"Just a little," she responded.

"It's just a formality now. He's already your son. Now you will have the piece of paper to formalize it."

"I know. I guess until the ink is dry I'm not going to fully be able to relax."

"I get it." He pulled her close and put his arms around her and Noah when the Judge's door suddenly opened.

"Oli—well hello Olivia," the judge said noticing the display of affection between her and Elliot.

"Hello Judge."

"Sorry I'm a few minutes late. Well don't you look handsome," she said shaking Noah's little hand.

"No worries at all," Olivia assured her. "This is Elliot Stabler," she said introducing him. She consciously didn't reveal his relationship to her when she made the introduction and the judge noticed.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Stabler and you look handsome as well."

She gave Olivia an approving look with a sparkle in her eyes and it made her immediately relax.

"Please call me Elliot," he said extending his hand to hers.

"Well let's get this show on the road. After you Mr. Langan," she said as they all headed into her chambers.

She took a few moments going through all of the paperwork as Olivia sat in the chair with Noah and Elliot stood further back against the wall giving her some space.

"Father's recently deceased?" the judge asked.

"Yes and the agency was unable to locate any living blood relatives," Trevor responded.

"Ok. Sergeant Benson are you willing to raise this child as your lawful child?"

"Yes."

"This child will inherit from you. He will be treated no differently than a biological child. Do you agree?"

"Yes," she responded firmly.

"I know it's been a long year and a hard process but everything seems to be in order. Congratulations Olivia and to you Noah Porter Benson," the judge said emphasizing his new last name to Olivia's delight. Elliot's eyes began to water. He was so happy for her. "I'm signing off on the adoption."

"Thank you," Olivia said standing up.

"All the best to you and your family," the judge said shaking Olivia's hand and looking over to Elliot who was now walking up to hug the two of them.

"We did it. We did it. Noah Porter Benson," Olivia said with tears in her eyes and Elliot's arm draped around both of them. He kissed her on the forehead.

"Congratulations," Trevor said. "I'm so glad it all worked out."

"Thank you for everything. Will we see you at the house for the party later?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he responded.

"Thanks again Judge," Olivia said.

As they prepared to walk out Judge Linden stopped her.

"Olivia, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure," she responded confused. Noah reached out for Elliot and she let them know she would just be a minute.

When he closed the door the judge moved closer to her.

"Just so you know, just because your adoption is finalized doesn't mean that there can't be changes made."

Olivia immediately began to panic and the judge laughed.

"No not that type of change," she corrected to calm her down. "You are his mother Olivia. That's not going to change but when you are ready to add another name to his adoption paperwork. You give me a call," she said winking.

Olivia blushed and sighed loudly. "It's that obvious hunh?"

"Yes it is. He loves you very much and he loves Noah. I've had a hunch before with you and I was right. I'm right this time too. I have a feeling that I will be seeing you back here sooner rather than later."

**Coming up: The gang all gets together to celebrate Noah's adoption.**


	30. The Gang's all here

Chapter 30: The Gang's all here

By the time they made it back to Olivia's apartment, Lucy managed to have almost everything ready for the party. There were blue and white balloons hanging around the apartment that happened to match her powder blue dress. She ordered desserts and food and there were fresh flowers on the bar. The place looked brighter than it had in months and matched Olivia's demeanor.

"Lucy, I can't believe you managed to do all of this by yourself," Olivia responded in awe as she walked in. Elliot was holding Noah behind her.

"Well she had a little help," a familiar voice said emerging from the back room.

"Alex!" she screamed. "When did you get here?"

"You didn't think I was going to miss the party honoring you adopting my nephew would you?" she joked. The two hugged and kissed each other on the cheek but it wasn't long before Alex and Elliot made eye contact. "Well we clearly haven't talked in quite a while because you left a few things out," she teased.

"Alex Cabot, still as beautiful as ever," Elliot smiled as he bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

"Flattery will get you nowhere Stabler but nice try. Now you two have about one minute to do some explaining and then I'm taking Noah and go play with him before the rest of the cavalry get here. Let's hear it."

Olivia and Elliot flashed each other guilty grins and she nervously bit her bottom lip.

"Enough said. You've told me all I need to know. Well I just have one thing to say. It's about damn time. If you hurt her I will have to kill you though," she said pointing her finger at him in warning.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." She reached over and grabbed Noah from him and whispered in Olivia's ear. "You will be giving me details later, you know that right?"

"Yeah I figured."

Before they could catch their breaths from the Alex encounter there was a knock at the door.

"Ill get it," Lucy announced walking towards the door.

"So I hear there's a party," Melinda said walking in with a present. "And there better be some good food," Casey said from behind her.

"Casey, Melinda you guys made it!" Olivia exclaimed. "I'm so glad you two are here. Look who else is here," she said pointing to Alex. Melinda, Casey and Alex all hugged and exchanged comments about each other's dresses before Alex spoke up.

"Well ladies, you guys were so busy greeting me you missed the other person that's here," she said pointing toward Elliot who was standing nervously in the kitchen.

"Elliot Stabler," Melinda said coolly walking towards him. "Come here you old hardass," reaching for a hug.

"Melinda how have you been?"

"Good. How about you?" she asked concerned.

"I'm great. Better than I've been in a long time."

"I bet you are," she said looking bath and forth between him and Olivia.

"Elliot, I was wondering when I would get a chance to see you. Come here," Casey said extending her arms to pull him into a hug.

"It's good to see you again Casey."

"Wait, you knew about him?" Alex asked. Casey shrugged.

"Ok now I'm mad."

"The question is how much does she know?" Melinda teased.

"My lips are sealed," Casey teased as Olivia looked at Elliot trying to gauge his reaction.

He had to know that she would talk to someone about their relationship but she worried that seeing so many people from their past all at once might be a little too much for him.

"No but seriously we will talk about all the details later once we get a chance to corner Liv," Casey whispered to Melinda and Alex.

"Hey ladies how about something to drink," Elliot offered to try and stop all of the whispering.

"Oh and he's playing host too, interesting," Melinda noted while the other ladies laughed.

The doorbell rang again and this time it was Fin at the door.

"Fin!" everyone shouted as he came in the door. He went over to exchange pleasantries with the other guests before making his way to the kitchen where Elliot was still laying low.

"Fin, thank God man!" Elliot said relieved.

"Really? Man things gotta be bad for you to be relieved to see me." They shook hands and Elliot laughed. "They giving you a hard time?"

"What do _you_ think?" he asked nodding over to the girls who were all in a huddle talking.

"Ok yeah it's a tough crowd in there. I know this is technically kind of a kids party but please tell me there's some beer here," Fin asked.

"In the fridge. Grab me one too. I think I'm going to need it."

"Ok ok, Fin's distracting him in the kitchen so tell us something. What's going on between you and Stabler?" Alex whispered as all of the ladies leaned in.

"Casey what are you leaning in for? You pretty much know everything," Olivia pointed out.

"Yeah but not _everything_," she said emphasizing the last word.

"Well I won't be getting into that much detail plus we are supposed to be here celebrating Noah." She was trying to get them off the subject but they were not giving in.

"Give us the cliff notes version," Alex said.

The doorbell rang just as she was about to start talking.

"Thank God saved by the bell," she said. As she got ready to walk away the ladies protested. "Ok I have to entertain my guests. Casey I give you permission to give them the cliff notes version. The rest I will tell you when we all get together over lunch. Deal?"

"Deal," they all said simultaneously.

Over the next 30 minutes Trevor, Carisi, Barba, Munch, Don and Eileen all showed up as well.

"Congratulations Liv. You look happy," Fin said.

Olivia immediately looked over to Noah playing on the floor with Elliot nearby. "I am."

"Amaro coming?" Barba asked.

"Yeah he's on his way."

"He's doing better right?" Carisi asked.

"He's only a week into PT but yeah he is. He's going to be back on desk duty in a couple of weeks so you will all get to see his smiling face back at work pretty soon," she responded.

"Hey hey. You guys started without us," Nick said coming through the door on crutches with Amanda by his side.

"Nick, Amanda thank you for coming," she said greeting them at the door and taking the flowers from his hand.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Nick, good to see you," Elliot said extending his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better but hanging in there."

"Listen tha—"

"Well there's the one legged wonder," Munch said interrupting Elliot.

"Munch, long time no see," he said hugging him. "You still faking hurt so you won't have to go back to work?" he teased.

"And be away from this great squad. No way. How's retirement treating you?"

Don chimed in. "I think I speak for Munch when I say we don't miss it one bit."

"So you don't miss us at all?" Olivia asked.

"We miss you guys, not the cases."

"Or the sleepless nights," Munch added.

"Or the crappy hours," Elliot joined in.

Everyone turned to look at Elliot momentarily forgetting that he was a member of the retirement from SVU group as well.

"Well it looks like the gang's all here so how about a toast?" Olivia offered. "Everyone have a glass?"

They all looked around checking to see if everyone had a glass in their hand.

"To family," she said simply.

"To family," they responded in unison.

Elliot and Olivia stole little moments for each other over the course of the get together but mostly mingled with everyone there. Elliot got a chance to talk to Munch and Cragen as he updated them a little more on what's been going on in his life and life with the FBI. Olivia kept a close eye on him trying to make sure he wasn't overwhelmed as almost everyone took turns with him to try and get a feel for what he had been up to since he disappeared without a word. Thankfully Melinda and Alex seemed to be satisfied with her earlier solution for details about her and Elliot and didn't press for more.

After Elliot made his rounds he motioned for Nick to join him in the kitchen away from everyone else.

"Hey, everything ok?" Nick asked concerned.

"Yeah I just wanted a chance to talk to you alone." Elliot paused for a second not really knowing where to start. "Nick I want to thank you for being there for Liv."

"Look you don't have to-,"

"Yes I do. I know you aren't technically her partner anymore because she's CO but for all intents and purposes you are. I would've expected an explanation when I was her partner so now I'm going to give you one."

Nick nodded his head in acknowledgment. The truth is he wanted an explanation but he didn't want to upset Olivia by asking Elliot to explain himself especially when she was already stressed out by the adoption.

"When I left I didn't do it the right way. I hurt her because I was hurting and I didn't know how to handle it. I don't know how much Liv told you about what happened while I was gone but my daughter passed away, my marriage fell apart and I was suicidal."

"Oh man. I'm sorry, I didn't know," Nick explained.

"She's been keeping it pretty quiet to protect me I guess from reliving it all. I think the only people who know are Don and maybe Fin. But I'm not trying to hide anything anymore or make any excuses for my behavior."

"I can respect that."

"Anyway, when I left one of the things that kept me up at night was worrying about Liv and not having someone to have her back. I always thought that no one could watch out for her the way I could but I've listened to her and from what I saw over these past couple of months I was wrong. You have her back and you have protected her and Noah. I will always be in debt to you for that. Thank you."

"Anytime man. I care about both of them. I'll always have Liv's back you can count on that," he said shaking his hand and Elliot patted him on the back.

Olivia watched from the kitchen at Nick and Elliot shaking hands and tears welled up in her eyes. She wanted the two of them to get on the same page at some point but she didn't want to force it. She realized she had been wrong to worry about Elliot meeting up with everyone else again. He seemed a little nervous at first but he managed to fit right in with his old colleagues and the new people in her life.

"Hey everything cool in here?" Fin asked walking in the kitchen to Nick and Elliot.

"Everything's good Fin," Nick responded.

"Good well hurry up and get your ass off them crutches so you can come and do some of my paperwork for me while you are on desk duty."

"Give me a few weeks and you got it. Let me go and grab a bite to eat," he said walking off.

"You good? This has to be weird being here with all these old faces," Fin asked.

"Yeah I'm good. Better than I thought I would be. It's nice to see everyone here supporting Liv and Noah like this," he said looking at Olivia holding Noah.

"Ahh man you got it bad Stabler," Fin said with a mock look of disgust on his face as only Fin could do.

Elliot just laughed and took a swig of his beer.

"It was really hard for her when you first left and then Lewis happened but you know Liv she's strong. She's a lot better now."

"Yeah she is. Look I know you and I haven't really had a chance to talk since…well everything."

"It's all good. I won't act like I always understood your actions over the years but I know if you left Liv and didn't say a word there had to be a good reason. She told me about Kathleen. I'm sorry man," he said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks I appreciate that."

"But you doing ok right?"

"I'm doing ok. It's getting better. I thought the shit we saw on the job was the worst thing I could ever see but man was I wrong. Burying my daughter was by far the worst thing I have ever had to endure. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"I couldn't imagine. But you got through it and that's what counts."

"Yeah," Elliot said somberly.

"You and Liv seem to be really happy together. In spite of all the shit we've given each other over the years she is the happiest I've seen her in a long time. Baby girl deserves that."

"Yeah she does. And Fin thank you."

"For?"

"For being there for Liv. I know she looks at you like a brother and you've been a source of consistency for her. When I heard that Munch and Cragen retired it made me feel better to know she still had you."

"I'm always going to be there for her. No thanks necessary."

"Appreciate that," he said shaking his hand. "Well how about we go and grab something to eat before these beers catch up with us."

"You read my mind."

Everyone continued to eat and enjoy themselves as the party went on. There was another doorbell ring and Olivia looked startled. All of the party guests were accounted for so she didn't know who it could be.

When she opened the door she was stunned. It was Maureen, Lizzie and Dickie.

"Hey," she said nervously.

"Liv baby who is it?" Elliot called out before he walked up and saw his kids at the door.

"Maureen, Lizzie, Dickie, is everything ok?" he asked concerned.

"Of course it is Dad, can we come in?" Maureen asked.

"Oh yeah of course sorry," Olivia said letting them in.

"We didn't mean to crash," Lizzie explained. "But dad mentioned that you were finalizing Noah's adoption today and there would be a party and we figured maybe we…Is that ok?"

They all looked a bit concerned that maybe they shouldn't have shown up when Olivia and Elliot were speechless.

"Of course it's ok," Olivia finally spoke up.

Elliot couldn't think of what to say because he was so full of emotion so he pulled them into his arms one by one and hugged them.

"We tried calling you dad but you didn't answer so we figured.." Dickie explained.

"It's ok son. I'm glad you are here, all of you. Come on in, everyone's here and you guys can meet Noah," Elliot said motioning towards everyone in the living room.

"Are you sure it's ok Liv?" Lizzie asked again.

"It's perfect. It means a lot to me that you guys would want to be here," she said with her voice a little shaky.

"Where's Eli?" Elliot asked.

"He went to his friend's house for a sleepover. Here we brought Noah a gift," Dickie answered.

"Thank you. You can set it over there with the rest of them."

As the Stabler kids made their way into the living room speaking with everyone, Munch and Cragen commented on how big they had all gotten. They seemed a little nervous at first, especially Dickie, but like their father they navigated the group pretty well.

"And this must be Noah," Maureen said.

"It is. Say hello Noah," Olivia said coaxing her son.

"Hi." He waved his hand and gave them a small shy smile.

"We got you a gift that we think you are going to like," Lizzie added touching his small hand.

"Well he certainly likes gifts. I'm sure it will be great."

"He's pretty cute Olivia. He actually looks a lot like you," Dickie said.

"Thanks Dickie. Everyone says that."

She touched his arm as she thanked him. She wasn't just thanking him for saying Nick was cute but for him making the effort and being there.

Of all the Stabler children Dickie was the one that concerned her the most because of the exchange they had the last time when he asked her if she was sleeping with his dad. She hadn't seen him since then and she knew that things were rocky with him and Elliot so she wasn't sure how he would be handling it now that she was in fact sleeping with his dad.

"We have some great food in the kitchen and some drinks in the fridge so you guys please enjoy," Olivia added.

"Can I fix you guys a plate?" Lucy offered.

"Oh this is Lucy, Noah's nanny," Elliot introduced.

"Hi, nice to meet you," Dickie said smiling from ear to ear and Lucy blushed.

"Easy son. The kitchen is this way," Elliot laughed navigating him towards the kitchen with his hand on his shoulder.

"Ok everyone it's time to open presents," Amanda announced. "Sorry to hijack the party Liv but I got Noah a kickass gift and I'm ready for him to open it."

"Ok well you go first."

Olivia maneuvered Noah to the middle of the room as everyone gathered around and Amanda set her gift out. He stood in front of it at first picking with the wrapping paper until Olivia helped him.

Everyone said "aww" as she opened it to reveal a little Atlanta Hawks jersey with Benson on the back.

They continued to go through all the rest of the gifts that included a little suit from Barba of course, shoes, toys and a mini police badge with Benson on it from Fin.

"Ok we have one more gift here," Olivia announced.

"That's from us Noah, we hope you like it," Lizzie said.

By this time Noah had gotten the hang of opening presents and giggled as he tore the paper.

"Ahh look Noah," Olivia said as she pulled the car out of the bag.

"It's a mock police sedan like the one dad drove all the time. It has a siren and everything on there. Eli used to play with it all the time but now he claims he's too big for it," Dickie explained.

"So we thought we would pass it on to Noah," Maureen added.

"Thank you guys so much," Olivia said as she put the toy car on the floor and helped Noah move it back and forth to his delight.

Elliot put his arms around his kids as a way of saying thank you and then walked over towards Olivia and Noah to help with the car. When he made the siren go off Noah clapped his hands and squealed in delight.

"Mama mama look..car," he said turning in Olivia's direction to point to the car.

"I see it honey."

He then reached towards Elliot, "Daddy daddy look..car."

Everyone gasped in surprise including Olivia. Elliot immediately looked over to his kids to see their reaction. They didn't seem upset but were definitely taken aback. Olivia didn't know what to say. She didn't think she should correct him because the truth was Elliot was like a father to him. While everyone exchanged glances, the siren stopped and Noah tried to push the button to get it started again. When he couldn't he motioned towards Elliot again.

"Daddy push," he said pointing towards the car.

"Here you go," Elliot said pressing the button for him. He squealed again when the siren went off and everyone smiled.

"Well…our gift is clearly the hit of the party. Sorry Amanda," Dickie said breaking the silence and everyone laughed.

"How about some cake?" Lucy offered to everyone and then immediately moved to get plates and start cutting the cake.

Olivia made a mental note to pay her more because she always came through in the clutch. She obviously realized it was time for some kind of diversion. Olivia looked over at Elliot who was still playing with Noah and the car as everyone moved closer to the bar while Lucy cut the cake.

"What?" Elliot asked grinning when he noticed Olivia staring at him. "What's on your mind Benson?"

"This isn't the first time he's called you daddy is it?" she asked smiling back at him.

"Let's go get some cake son," he said kissing the top of Noah's head and picking him up. He winked at Olivia and they joined the rest of the group as they ate cake, talked and enjoyed the rest of the party.

Olivia couldn't think of a moment more perfect than being in a room with all the people she loved most. She never had a blood family growing up but looking at everyone around her laughing and celebrating her son she never felt more loved. This wasn't just her colleagues and coworkers. This was her family.

XXXX

Coming up: The end of the party and Olivia and Elliot celebrate the day's events ;-)


	31. Serenity

Chapter 31: Serenity

**Author's Note: I guess it's time for me to go ahead and move the rating up to M, based on this chapter. I hope this doesn't stop people from reading but needs to be done. Last chapter was mostly from Olivia's point of view; this one will be from Elliot's. Thanks to all of you who are still reading and reviewing. It looks like everyone likes it when the gang is all together. Don't worry, even though this is an E/O story, their friends will be very present in this story. Please keep reviewing, it makes me so happy ****J**

**XXXXX**

Everyone started to file out of the party since it was getting late. The party went on much later than they expected because everyone was so excited to see each other after so long and get reacquainted. There were soon stories of old times in SVU and remembering some of their best times. Elliot's children left a bit earlier but not before each giving Noah a hug and promising that they would all get together soon for dinner.

"Ok, so you promise lunch in the next week?" Alex asked Olivia while getting ready to head out.

"Yes, within the next week," Olivia promised.

"Don't worry Alex I will hold her to that. She is NOT copping out on us," Casey interrupted.

"Especially after we behaved ourselves today," Melinda added.

"If you call this behaving then I'm definitely in trouble."

"Oh you better believe we behaved," Melinda said leaning in so only the four of them heard. "None of us have mentioned Noah's little admission have we?"

They all started laughing and Olivia playfully slapped Melinda on the back.

"Touche. Within the week ladies. I promise."

"Goodbye little man and welcome to the family…officially," Casey said placing a kiss in his hair while he hung tight to Olivia in her arms.

Lucy and Elliot continued to clean up as more guests filed out.

"Goodnight Liv, it was good to see you again and good to see you too little man," Munch added giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"He wants to spend more time with his Uncle Munch so you name the time and place and he will be over."

"You got it."

He paused for a little bit before heading towards the door.

"Liv, he's a lucky little boy to have you guys for parents. I'm glad everything is working out for you…both of you," he said looking towards Elliot in the kitchen. "Ill save my I told you so lecture for another day," he winked and walked out the door.

"Elliot, it was good to see you man," Fin said reaching out to shake his hand again before he left.

"Good to see you too Fin. Thanks for being my wing man tonight. Made things a lot easier," he added.

"No problem. Was it good seeing everyone?"

"It was actually. Despite all the shit we dealt with everyday, you guys were really like family to me. I saw you guys more than I actually saw my own family. It's good to catch up. Everyone seems to be doing well."

"Yeah and at least now everyone knows you didn't fall off the face of the earth," Fin joked.

"Yeah," Elliot chuckled. "That too."

"Take care of her Elliot. Don't hurt her again. That's all I ask," he said seriously.

"You have my word."

"Alright Liv, I'm headed out so you can put this little guy to sleep. Looks like he's had about enough." Noah was now sleeping on Olivia's shoulder and moved slightly at Fin's touch. After assuring him that she didn't need any help with cleaning everything he left and it was just Lucy, Elliot and Olivia.

They were trying to get up as much as they could but there was a lot to do and everyone was exhausted.

"Hey Lucy we are going to take care of the rest of this tomorrow. It's late, you can go ahead and head home," Olivia offered. She handed a sleeping Noah to Elliot while talking to her.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. Thank you for all your help today and everyday. You really are such a big help to me and Noah just loves you," she said giving her a hug.

"It's my pleasure. He's such a good boy. And if I didn't say it before, congrats Olivia. He couldn't have a greater mommy."

"Thank you sweetie."

"Goodnight Elliot," Lucy said heading for the door.

"Goodnight. Drive safely."

Olivia stood in the living room surveying the damage and immediately became more exhausted.

"Hey don't worry about it," Elliot said noticing her overwhelmed look. "We will take care of it tomorrow. We're all tired, especially the guest of honor here," he said kissing Noah's hair.

"Let's put him down."

They went into the nursery and laid Noah down in his crib. Both couldn't help but spend a few silent moments watching him sleep. Olivia rubbed his back and kissed two of her fingers and placed them gently on his cheek.

"Can't believe it's official hunh?" Elliot asked watching her stare at her son.

"Yes and no. I feel like this year went by so slow and so fast all at once," she whispered. "I'm just glad it's over. No more visits from social services and having every step I make watched and ridiculed. He's really mine."

"Yeah he is. I know I said it before already but I'm really happy for you Liv. No one deserves to be a mom more than you," he said kissing her forehead.

"Well thanks, _daddy,_" she said emphasizing the last word. The corner of his mouth curled up slightly as he caught her joke and tried to bypass it. "Don't you think for a second that we aren't going to talk about that."

She was smiling so he knew she wasn't mad but he loved that she was so caught off guard earlier during the party.

"Good night Noah, sweet dreams," Elliot said as he began to walk out ignoring her comment.

"Good night Angel. I love you," Olivia added following Elliot out of the room. They cut off the lights in the front and headed to her bedroom where she quickly shut the door.

"Now where we?" she asked moving close to him.

"Well I was getting ready to undress and unwind after a long day."

"Well don't let me disturb you. By all means undress," she said flirtatiously.

Elliot accepted the challenge and began to take off his clothes while she stood nearby. When he reached for the buttons on his shirt she watched every move. Elliot's rock hard chest and muscular arms never ceased to amaze her. Although they had seen each other naked and she explored him several times, his physical beauty often left her speechless.

"See something you like?" he asked with an eyebrow arched.

She licked her lips before she stepped towards him. "I do actually. Allow me."

She began to kiss his neck softly and immediately heard his breath quicken in her ear. She rubbed her hands across his chest and his arms and pulled back to look at him. What she was pure love and lust mixed together and she swore she would never forget how those ice blue eyes looked at her right then at that moment. Her eyes flickered briefly to his lips and back up to his eyes as an indication of what she was about to do. He smiled lazily as she leaned in and sucked on his bottom lip, then his top lip while reaching for his belt.

"Liiiiv," he whispered in a low husky voice. She took the opportunity to kiss him deeper when he opened his mouth to say her name and soon their tongues were tangling with one another. Their slow pace quickly picked up to be more frenzied while she unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants. She reached down to take his length in her hands and he moaned loudly.

"That feels so good baby," he said as she continued to stroke him and pushing his pants down to the floor. "Is this your way of getting information out of me? Because if so, it just might work."

"No," she said seriously and pulled back to hold his blue gaze once again. "This is for how you love me and how you love my son." She reached in and kissed him again. "_Our _son," she whispered in his ear emphasizing our and captured his lips in a deep kiss. She didn't notice that her eyes were welling up with tears as she poured her heart out to the man she loved for so long.

Olivia gently pushed Elliot down to sit on the edge of the bed as she took a few steps back and reached behind her back to unzip her dress. He continued to watch her through hooded eyes. She stepped out of her dress kicked off her heels and walked over to stand in between his legs at the edge of the bed.

"This," she kissed him, "is for how you make me feel so safe and protected when I have always felt so alone and that I had to look out for myself." She straddled him putting her knees on either side of his thighs as he laid back.

"This is for how you are the strongest man I know. I trust you with everything I have." She reached back and pulled off her bra exposing her breasts and took out the pins in her hair releasing her wavy chestnut locks that fell loosely around her shoulders.

"Oh baby, you are so beautiful," he said reaching up to put her hair behind her ears and moving his hands slowly down her neck, chest and finally squeezing her breasts. Olivia instantly moaned and threw her head back at the sensation of his large hands on her tender hardened nipples.

"I love you so much Elliot more than you will ever know," she whispered as she stood back up and went for his boxer briefs. He lifted up slightly so she could pull them down his legs and she also sank to her knees in front of him. They locked eyes and she gave him a small smile before she took him into her mouth.

He placed his hands in her hair as she continued to pleasure him. Her hot and wet mouth was almost too much for him to take and he was fighting with every bit of willpower he had to not finish in her mouth. He wanted to come inside her but when she started to flick her tongue across his tip he knew he had to stop her or this would be over much sooner than he wanted it to be.

"Liv baby, you have to stop," he rasped trying to still her. His resistance caused her to suck harder. "Fuuuuu- Liv!" he strained out. He reached under her arms, pulled her up and threw her on to the bed. Before she could say anything, his mouth was on hers while pulling down her panties. He could feel the warmth between her legs and soon settled himself in between her thighs.

She started to wiggle around in anticipation for what he was about to do. He blew gently on her core and she whimpered from the sensation. He waited for her to stop moving before he finally slipped his tongue inside her and sucked on her sensitive nub. It wasn't long before he felt her legs start to shake and he felt her release.

He kissed his way back up her stomach and took her left breast in his mouth while he fondled the other.

"El please," she breathed. "I need you…please."

He positioned himself at her opening and paused. "Liv, open your eyes."

She hesitated briefly before eventually forcing her eyes open and gazing into his.

"This…you and me..is it for me. I will never love anyone else the way I love you. Only you..always," he whispered as he sunk deep inside her.

Olivia moaned as he filled her completely, emotionally and physically. While he continued to stroke inside her slowly, she felt tears run down her cheek and was completely overcome with emotion. Between the intense love he made her feel in her heart and soul and currently in between her legs she had never been so wonderfully overwhelmed. Her body began to tighten around him and her breathing became labored. He could tell that she was close.

"That's it. Come for me baby," he whispered to her and like a novice to her master she let her orgasm explode through her and screamed into his shoulder. He thrust a few more times before he released inside her.

They lay in each other's arms for a few minutes trying to catch their breath before Elliot leaned back to pull out of her. She turned on her side and he pulled the blanket over them and snuggled his chest into her back. She lifted her leg so he could cradle one of his legs between hers and he rested his chin on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and began to draw lazy circles over his hand, similar to how she did after they made love the first time.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked when he could tell she was in deep thought.

"Nothing," she lied.

"Liv?"

"You won't get mad?" she asked timidly.

"No." He braced himself for whatever she was going to say.

"I've never felt anything like that before in my life. That was so intense. You just..you…,"

"What is it baby?"

"You scare the hell out of me Elliot. What I feel for you scares me," she whispered.

He knew exactly how she felt and he wasn't at all offended. She scared him as well. Not in a negative way but he felt that he wouldn't be able to survive if they weren't together. He was completely consumed by her.

"You scare me too," he confessed.

"Really?" She turned around and faced him with a smile on her face.

"Well you don't have to be so happy about it," he teased and they both laughed a little.

"Olivia, I meant what I said. No matter what happens with us, there will never be anything or anyone else for me. We just have to try like hell to make sure we make it work ok? Whatever it takes."

"Ok," she said simply and turned back around.

They laid in comfortable silence before Elliot spoke up again.

"The first time he called me daddy was the night we argued about his adoption," he admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

He let out a deep sigh. "Because it was so unexpected and you were being evasive about his adoption it just didn't seem like the time. I didn't want you to think I wanted to adopt him just because he called me daddy that night. And….I was feeling a little guilty."

"Guilty. Why?" she asked concerned.

"Because of Kathleen. I wondered how I could be a father to him when I wasn't a good father to her. I don't want her to think that I'm trying to replace her," he said solemnly.

She turned back around to him again and stroked his face. "Elliot listen to me. You were a good father to Kathleen. You are a good father to all of your kids. Noah is not meant to replace anyone. She will always be your daughter whether she's here physically or not. Please don't feel guilty for loving him or wanting to be his father. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Plus I think Noah's already made the decision for you, so you are stuck now," she laughed and he joined in with her briefly.

"El, Kathleen always wanted you to be happy even when things were rough between you two. I don't think that's changed. I think she would be very proud of you and the man you have become."

"You think so?" he asked playing with her hands.

"Yeah I do. I'm proud of you too."

"I love you," he said sincerely.

"I love you too. Now sleep," she told him.

She fell asleep almost instantly and he watched her for a few minutes while thinking about everything she said. She always had a way of calming him down and putting him at ease when he was upset about something. He laid down and took in everything about the environment around him. The apartment was dead silent after a day of nothing but love and reconnecting with the people that meant the most to him. With the love of his life at his side and his son in the other room, Elliot closed his eyes and drifted into a completely peaceful sleep for the first time in a long time. He finally had what he wanted for years….serenity.

XXXXXX

**Coming up: **Back to business. Olivia has to take the lieutenant's exam and she picks her second in command. Also, the ladies get together for lunch.


	32. Second in Command

Chapter 32: Second in Command

**Author's Note: When I first set out to write this story I wanted to keep up with SVU episodes but I ended up moving faster than I thought and now the season is over. Last chapter ended with the last part of the season finale so I guess this means for me to keep going I have to rely on the ideas that are swirling around in my head for what I want to happen for these two. ****J**** Dun dun dun.**

_Three Weeks Later_

Elliot and Olivia had settled into a nice rhythm over the next few weeks. They spent all of their time together when she wasn't at work. Olivia also went out for lunch and shopping with Maureen and Lizzie one Saturday afternoon while the boys went to Dickie's apartment to help do renovations.

Elliot had been out of town for the past week back in DC for another training class and she was taking the time to finally study for the Lieutenant's exam. The exam was in another two weeks and she was kicking herself that she waited until the last minute to study but she didn't regret all of the quality time that her and Elliot were spending together alone and with the children.

Casey, Alex and Melinda had been bugging her for weeks to get together for lunch. They had plans before but she rescheduled when she caught a case that kept her occupied for a few days. Now her time was up and she was on her way to meet them at one of Alex's favorite Italian restaurants for an early dinner. She was running late trying to look somewhat presentable and get rid of the bags under her eyes from days at work and late night study sessions but nothing seemed to work. Running out of options, she pulled up to the restaurant thirty minutes late and was met with anxious stares.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," she apologized shuffling into the booth next to Melinda. "Have you guys ordered yet?"

"Not food just a few cocktails while we waited ever so patiently," Alex said taking a sip of her drink.

"You look like hell," Casey added eyeing her suspiciously.

"Well gee thanks Case. I missed you too."

"I expected to see you all bright eyed and bushy tailed since you have loverboy at your house full time now," Melinda joked.

"Well loverboy as you call him has been in DC for the past week so I've been up until all hours of the night trying to study for the Lieutenant's exam."

"Ahhh. Well I feel like as friends we should ask you about this exam and your plans for the squad which we would've done at the beginning of this conversation but you are already thirty minutes late," Casey said.

"So we have to get right to the good stuff," Alex added.

"Oh please like you guys were really going to do fluff and small talk," Olivia rolled her eyes. "Can I at least order before we get down to business? I'm starving."

"Sure," Melinda said motioning for the waitress to come over.

After they ordered their food and Olivia joined in with a cocktail the conversation was in full swing.

"So how is Stabler in bed?" Casey asked clearly affected by her drinks and they all started giggling. "Oh come on Liv give us something."

"I will say this. The man still looks damn good after all these years. Hell almost even better. He's definitely looking a lot more….relaxed," Melinda said lifting her eyebrow suggestively towards Olivia and she blushed.

"Olivia Benson I do believe you are blushing."

"Liv this is your last chance to say something or we will just keep going and it's only going to get more embarrassing," Casey offered.

"Next up is me commenting on that extra sway in your hips and pep in your step and we all know what brings that on," Melinda said leaning in at the table like she was spilling a secret and they all erupted in laughter.

"Yep we do..nothing but some good di—"

"Ok ok. My goodness," Olivia said holding her hands up in defeat effectively interrupting Casey.

"I'm not one to kiss and tell," she started off and they all rolled their eyes and groaned, "but I will say this….. all of the passion and intensity that Elliot brings to the job….. he brings it to the bedroom as well," she added giving them a wink as she took a sip from her cocktail.

"I knew it!" Alex exclaimed.

"Finally!" Casey added. "I swear Benson you and him had been doing that pathetic dance for years. It was hard to work around all of that sexual tension. Glad to see you relieved that tension."

"Here here," Melinda agreed.

"Yeah it was on 6 out of 10 when I worked with you guys the first time but by the time I got back from witness protection it was suffocating."

"Well what did you guys expect me to do? He was married!"

"Yeah but when he was separated I thought that was going to be your time to get in there and make it happen," Casey added as the food made it to the table.

"Now you sound like Kathy," Olivia said shoving a forkful of spaghetti in her mouth.

"Kathy? As in Kathy Stabler?" Melinda asked surprised.

"One in the same."

The ladies sat expectantly waiting on Olivia to elaborate but she was focused so much on her food that she didn't notice them watching her.

"Whoa whoa slow down Liv. When's the last time you ate?"

"Sorry, I've been going so much lately I just kind of sneak food in when I can. This is the first full meal I've eaten in days." She wiped her mouth and regrouped. "So where were we?"

"You said something about Kathy. You talked with her?" Alex asked surprised.

"Yep. I did."

"Wow," Melinda said and they all shifted back in their seats and took another sip of their drinks.

"Hey, we are going to need another round," Casey said to the waitress and swallowed the last drop from her glass preparing to hear more. "How did that go?"

"As good as can be expected. She got off her chest what she needed to say and so did I," she said swallowing more food. "I told her Elliot and I didn't get together while they were separated because he never made a move so I took that to mean he wasn't interested in me that way. Either way, I didn't think he was finished with her and I didn't want that hanging over our relationship. I much prefer how things are now and I think the timing was perfect."

Melinda, Casey and Alex all exchanged glances as Olivia continued to eat and check her phone undoubtedly checking on Noah. She looked more exhausted than usual but she seemed more calm and happy than they had ever seen her. She had a different glow about her now and in spite of the hell she went through when Elliot disappeared a few years ago, she was in a better place now.

"So Noah seems to have taken to him pretty well. Calling him daddy and all," Alex said smiling.

"They get along very well. They have their own little relationship now that doesn't always include me… and that's ok. Elliot took him over to Dickie's to do some renovations on his apartment and Eli was there too. They had their own little boy's day and when he brought him home later that night Noah wouldn't let go of him," Olivia said starting to feel tears in her eyes. "Sorry I don't know why I'm crying."

"It's ok Olivia. We get it," Melinda said handing her a napkin so she could wipe her tears.

"I just felt happy for him. I always wondered as a single mom if I would be enough for Noah and I was concerned that he wouldn't have a father…but he does. He does."

She continued to wipe her eyes and the table fell silent.

"Damn you Benson. You always find a way to make someone cry," Casey said after a long pause with tears in her eyes and they all laughed.

"So I guess it won't be long before we are calling you Olivia Stabler then?"

"Umm no Alex. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. That's not even on the table right now. We are just enjoying our time together and with the kids. That's it."

"Get real Liv. Your kid calls him dad. He's practically living there and you know Elliot. He doesn't strike me as the shacking type. He's an old traditionalist. Why do you think he stayed in that marriage for so long? He's all about doing the right thing," Melinda added.

"If he asked what would you say?" Casey leaned in and asked. "Yes right?"

Olivia was speechless. She really hadn't thought about Elliot asking her to marry him. She was so comfortable with the way things were and she was just to the point of trying to wrap her mind around him possibly adopting her son.

"I…I…I don't know."

"You can't be serious. How could you say no?" Alex asked.

"I mean it's too soon." They all stared at her like she had two heads. "Isn't it?"

"Yall have been courting for twelve years give or take a year so no!" Casey said.

Olivia contemplated what she was saying before the waitress interrupted.

"Coffee or dessert for anyone?"

"Ill take a dessert menu," Olivia quickly said. "Look I don't know what I would say and I don't want to think about that right now. I just like where we are right now. Happy."

"We never got the story on what happened when he left," Alex said.

Olivia sighed not knowing how much she wanted to share.

"That bad hunh?" Melinda asked. "I figured it had to be for him to disappear for so long and not get in touch with you."

"Kathleen's dead," she blurted out.

"What?!"

"Yeah a couple of years ago."

"That explains why she wasn't at the party. I thought maybe she just wasn't supportive of the two of you together," Alex said. "Poor Elliot I can only imagine how he handled that. I know how much his kids mean to him."

"Yeah," she said somberly. "He had a really rough time of it for awhile and that's why he stayed away. He wanted to get his life together and I can appreciate that."

"Yeah definitely. You know it just makes the scene we witnessed at the party all the more special. He seems at ease with his life and grounded. If he can get back on solid ground after going through that..then that says a lot," Casey said more seriously than she had been throughout the entire lunch.

"Well enough about that. I don't want to kill the mood," Olivia said sticking a fork in her dessert that was just delivered.

"How about a toast?" Melinda offered.

"What are we toasting to?" Olivia asked.

"To friends, good times… and the soon to be Mrs. Stabler," Casey answered and they all burst into laughter.

They spent the rest of the lunch talking about their lives and having normal girl talk. Once Olivia started yawning again they agreed to call it a night having drank and talk for over three hours. As they separated, they all made a promise to make time to all get together at least once a month. Her job had been everything for so long but the reemergence of Elliot back into her life made her want to take the time for the people that mattered most to her. She wouldn't be able to do that unless she had a second in command and could delegate more. It was time for her to have an important conversation with someone close to her.

XXXXX

Olivia came in dragging to work the next morning after being up until 2am studying.

"Morning Liv, another late night?" Fin asked as she walked to her office.

"Yeah. Hey can you come see for a minute?" she set down her bag and closed the door while motioning for him to take a seat.

"What I do this time?" he asked.

"Nothing. For once," she joked. "I know you know I'm taking the Lieutenant's exam in a couple of weeks."

"Yeah good luck with that. I think you will do fine Liv."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," she said circling her desk to sit down. "If I pass, I'm going to need a second in command. I want that person to be you."

Fin sighed before answering, "Listen Liv—."

"Look I know you are comfortable where you are and you have never been one for paperwork or the administrative burden or bureaucratic BS. I get it. I'll take as much of that from you as I can and in return you will be in the field. You won't have to ride a desk like Munch did when he was Sergeant," she assured him.

"You know me a little too good. That was actually most of my issues," Fin said surprised but she could tell he still wasn't sold.

"Fifteen years Fin. I know you pretty well by now. Well except for what the hell you do with yourself when you aren't here," she laughed.

He chuckled, "Well a part of me likes being a mystery."

"Seriously. Please think about it. This unit means a lot to me and if I'm not here for whatever reason you are the person I trust to be in charge and have my back."

"What about Nick? You don't think he would want to do it?"

"He probably does. I haven't asked him though. I asked you." Fin shifted still seemingly a little uncomfortable with the idea. "Look if you turn me down then Nick will be the next one I ask. I trust him too and I think he would do a good job but you have been here the longest, you have good instincts and you have a good rapport with the brass. It's yours Fin. If you want it."

"Can I think about it?" he asks standing up to leave.

"Of course. I didn't expect an answer right away." As he reaches for the door she calls him back. "Oh and one more thing, these are yours," she says handing him some books. "No pressure but just in case you say yes."

He looks down and smiles at the books. They are the ones she used to study for the Sergeant's exam.

"Oh yeah right no pressure…Liv can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why now?" he asked. "Even though you weren't Lieutenant you still needed a number two. Why push the issue now?"

"Good question. Well for one they are pretty much making me. But honestly Fin..I guess I'm just ready to have a life again. This place has always been my world and while that was good for me in some ways, I'm just ready to enjoy my life outside of SVU. Have a little more balance."

"Does this have anything to do with Elliot?" he asked seriously.

"Yes and no. It's not just Elliot. I want to have more time with Noah and my friends. Sometimes this place can get crazy and I don't want to always have to leave my kid in the middle of the night to go to a crime scene."

Fin nodded in acknowledgment.

"Just so you know if it was because of Elliot that isn't a bad thing."

Olivia raised her eyebrow in surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah really. The family thing looks good on you. I know how long you've wanted one. Apparently…..Noah likes the idea too," he teased.

"You guys are never going to stop giving me grief for that are you?" she smiled back.

"Come on Liv you have to admit it was pretty funny that little man outed you in front of everyone."

"Well my son is definitely full of surprises."

"Elliot's face when he called him daddy was priceless too. He lit up like a damn Christmas tree."

"Yeah…he did," she said smiling at the memory.

Fin sighed again seeing how happy she was at the thought of Elliot and Noah.

"Ok. You promise me I will get to be in the field and not ride a desk?"

"Yes," she shook her head emphatically.

"And I won't get stuck in a ton of paperwork?"

"No. Not much more than usual," she promised.

"And I won't have to suck up to those fools at 1PP and have all those meetings kissing ass like you have to do sometimes?" he asked seriously.

"Right. Just do me a favor and don't call them fools to their face. That may not go over well."

She could tell that he was on the verge of saying yes and decided to nudge him a little more.

"You know you want to share all this with me.." she teased holding her arms wide like she was showing off the precinct. "Deal?"

"Deal," he agreed and they shook hands.

"Thanks soon to be Sergeant Tutuola."

"Yeah yeah," he said closing the door behind him.

Olivia smiled to herself that she got him to agree to take the exam. Her phone rung and she was pleased to see the photo of Elliot holding Noah when he was in the hospital splash across her screen signaling that it was Elliot calling. That photo seemed like forever ago and they had come so far since the night of their impromptu first date when that photo was taken.

"Hello there," she answered seductively.

"Well someone is in a good mood. Should I be offended that you seem so happy and I haven't seen you in a week?"

"Not at all. I am happy because I just got Fin to agree to take the Sergeant's exam."

"Really? How did you pull that off?" he asked surprised.

"I can be very persuasive," she said in a sultry voice.

"Well it better not be the same way you persuade me to do things or we are going to have a much bigger problem."

"Not at all. He understands that I need to have a second in command here and I trust him to handle it. Fin's a good cop, one of the best."

"Yes he is. I hate that I didn't tell him that enough when we worked together," Elliot agreed.

Olivia yawned, "Plus I think he's doing it as a bit of a favor to me too. He knows that I need time for other things."

"Hmm and what other things are we talking about?" he asked in a low voice that sent chills up Olivia's spine.

"Is your mind always in the gutter?"

"When it comes to you..yes."

He heard her yawn again.

"You ok? You sound pretty tired."

"I'm exhausted. It's all this studying for the exam. I'll be ok once it's all over."

"Well you get some rest…you will need it when I return."

She giggled softly, "Oh I bet I will. And when is that going to be?"

"Soon. This training squad they want to be done in two weeks because they are sending them on a special mission. I should be back by the time you take your exam."

"Ok. Sounds good."

"I gotta get going. I love you."

"I love you too."

Olivia hung up the phone and rested her head on the back of her chair. She pulled up the picture again of Noah and Elliot and traced her fingers over the screen. In her wildest dreams she never thought she would be able to have it all, a family and the job but in this moment she felt pretty damn close.

**Coming up: Olivia takes the exam, Elliot returns and it's Stabler family dinner time.**


	33. Meet the Stablers

Chapter 33: Meet the Stablers

It was the day before the Lieutenant's exam and Olivia was more on edge than usual. She didn't understand why she was getting so worked up over a test because she wasn't this stressed out over the other exam but she couldn't shake an anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her detectives spent the day staying as far away from her as possible and only went in her office when they were summoned.

"I can't wait until she takes that damn test and get it over with. She's been a bear for the past couple of weeks," Amanda said. "And Elliot's been gone for a few weeks so that can't be helping."

"Yeah and I think she's not really sleeping too. I'm sure it will all be over soon. He should be back in a week or so or I'm calling him myself," Nick said. "How's your studying going Fin?"

"Oh you know me. I don't sweat the small stuff. It's all up here," he said pointing to his head.

"Oh geez."

"Ok Warner just called. She got something for us on the Reed homicide and wants us down at the ME's office. Who's coming with?" Olivia asked barreling out of her office.

Everyone looked at each other not wanting to make it obvious that they were not up for a car ride and spending any extra time with her.

"Hey Sarge Ill go with you," Carisi volunteered.

"Ok, let's go."

The ride to the ME's office was pretty short thankfully because Carisi and his incessant talking was really getting on Olivia's nerves.

"Hey Melinda, what do you have for us?"

"Well I found this. Thought you'd want it," she said holding up a necklace that said #1 sister. "I found it clutched in her hand."

"Any prints?"

"Only hers. But it looks like it's from Tate Velez Jewelers and only the best of the best shop there. That may help you out. Also, I wanted to show you this on the body," Melinda said heading over to the victim.

She pulled the sheet back to reveal the dead 17-year-old girl and Olivia immediately retreated.

Melinda noticed briefly but kept talking.

"See these ligature marks," she said prompting them to look closer. "I found fibers in the wound where she pulled against the ropes and it's made of a rare silk material."

At the sight of the wound Olivia became unsteady on her feet and Carisi had to grab her by the arm.

"Olivia are you ok?" Melinda asked concerned.

"I'm fine, it must be the fumes from the chemicals."

"I don't smell any fumes," Carisi said.

"That's because there aren't any," Melinda added matter of factly. "Are you sure you are ok?"

"I'm fine, it's no big deal really. I just need to get some sleep," she said steadying herself on the table. "Anything else?"

"Nope that's it. Ill call you if I have more."

"Ok. Will do."

"Hey Liv." Melinda called after her before she made it to the door and Carisi was already outside so they were alone. "Why don't you take off early today? You don't look so good and isn't your exam tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"You need to head home and get some rest."

"Is that doctor's orders?" she asked jokingly.

"If I could order you home I would. But seriously."

"Ok ok." She raised her hands in mock defeat. "I'll drop Carisi back off at the station and head home. I promise."

On her way home, Elliot called.

"Please tell me you are back," she said when she answered.

"I am. Would I be selfish if I asked you to get off early today?"

"I'm already on the way home baby."

"Really? Why? Are you ok?" he asked concerned. He knew Olivia well enough to know that she didn't get off work early unless something was really wrong.

"I'm tired, I'm in a bad mood because I miss you and I have that stupid test tomorrow. Good enough reasons?"

"Good enough for me. I'll see you in a few."

XXXXX

"Are you feeling better now?" Elliot asked while rubbing her back and kissing her on the forehead.

Once she got home, they spent some time with Noah and made love shortly after he went to sleep. He was holding her and they were enjoying the quiet of the apartment after what seemed like a hellish few weeks.

"I am feeling better. Thank you," she replied reaching up to kiss him on the lips. "I feel more calm."

"Well I hear multiple orgasms tend to have that affect on people."

She playfully pinched his side and they laughed.

"I've had a bit of an attitude lately. I think Nick and the team are scared to be around me," she sad sadly.

"You? An attitude? Nooooooooo," he said sarcastically.

"Screw you I don't have an attitude often if that's what you are implying."

"Only when you have your Badass Benson persona on. Which I happen to find pretty sexy."

He kissed her deeply and his hand was beginning to move lower down her abdomen when she yawned.

"I'm sorry," she apologized embarrassed. "Don't stop."

"Baby you are tired and you have a four hour test tomorrow. Sleep. There will be plenty of time for this," he said pulling the covers up and settling her in.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"I really missed you when you were gone. I know it was only two weeks but I've been feeling so anxious since you left," she confessed.

He pulled back and looked in her deep brown eyes and could see how sincere she was. Olivia made it a point to never be vulnerable with anyone and the last time she did, Elliot left. The stakes were much higher this time. She was emotionally and physically dependent on him. She couldn't imagine going to sleep without him next to her and them spending time together had become something that she looked forward to after her long days at work.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked concerned.

"I didn't want to worry you. I know it was probably nothing and we've been apart longer before I just felt a little out of sorts without you here. When do you have to go back?" she asked.

"Not for awhile. A couple of months at least," he responded.

"Good."

"I missed you too by the way."

"You better had."

"Do you want to cancel the dinner with Kathy and the kids later this week?" he asked cautiously. She didn't seem herself and he didn't want the dinner to be a disaster as a result.

"No, El its fine," she said sleepily and quickly dozed off. _Fine_. There was that word again. The one that she always used when everything was anything but fine. He took a deep breath and hoped that they could get through this dinner.

XXXXX

It was now Friday night and they were on their way to Queens to the old Stabler family home for dinner. The original plan was to get together at a restaurant but midweek Kathy called and changed the plans. Elliot was nervous about telling Olivia it would be there but she took the news pretty well. He figured it was because she was in a good mood about being done with the exam. Despite all her fussing and stressing she finished in record time and was certain that she passed.

In spite of her saying she was okay with the change of venue, Olivia was radiating tension the closer they got to Queens. He put his hand over hers on the center console in an effort to calm her down. She squeezed his hand in response and struggled to reel in her emotions. At first she was okay with the dinner and was grateful that his family was going overboard to make her and Noah feel welcome but the closer they were to the home he shared with his wife of twenty five years she just couldn't help but think she didn't feel like taking part in a warped adaptation of Meet the Stablers.

"Ok we're here," Elliot announced. Noah started clapping his hands when he realized the car ride ended and they made it to their destination.

"You sure you're ok?" he asked her concerned.

"I'm great. Let's do this." Her smile didn't quite meet her eyes but she had plenty of grin and bear it moments with Kathy in the past and tonight would be no different as far as she was concerned.

Elliot scooped up Noah from the backseat while Olivia grabbed the bottle of wine and dessert they brought over even though Kathy insisted she had everything covered. As they approached the door, he saw her take a big cleansing breath while waiting for someone to answer. There was a lot of activity in the house and he wasn't sure that someone heard the doorbell so he kept ringing it.

"Elliot!" she said annoyed. "Stop, I'm sure they heard you. They are coming."

"Well we've been standing out here a few moments and no one has come yet," he shot back.

"Just be patient for once." She rolled her eyes at him and continued to stare forward. As he was about to call her out on her attitude the door opened abruptly.

"Hey dad! Olivia you look..wow. You look great..something's… different," Maureen said narrowing her eyes.

"Hey Olivia," Lizzie called out effectively cutting off Maureen. "Oh you brought stuff."

"Yeah here is a bottle of red wine and some dessert we picked up," she explained.

"Noah's here!" Eli exclaimed running from the kitchen. Kathy followed close behind.

"Hey you guys made it. Oh what's this?" she asked looking at the food in Lizzie's hand.

"It's nothing, just some wine and some gourmet cupcakes for dessert I picked up from a bakery near the house."

"Oh it's lovely. I made a homemade peach cobbler too so we will have plenty to go around," Kathy said smiling.

Olivia's smile quickly faded at Kathy's statement. She took offense to her pointing out that her food was homemade but tried to reel it in.

"So let's go in and sit in the living room for a bit. Dinner will be ready shortly," Kathy announced.

"Sounds good," Elliot responded. He put his arm around Olivia and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

Noah and Eli played in the middle of the floor while Maureen, Lizzie, Elliot and Olivia sat on the sofa and loveseat in the living room. Lizzie sensed that things were a little awkward so she started talking about school and Maureen talked about her summer plans tutoring at a summer camp.

"Maureen where is Jason tonight?" Kathy asked.

"He's running late of course. The ER is swamped tonight but he said he would come over as soon as he's done." Maureen's husband was finishing up his residency at a small hospital on Staten Island. He only had six more months to go and her parents were hoping that once Jason found a job that it would be somewhere near New York and she wouldn't have to move away.

"What time is Dickie coming?" Kathy asked.

"You know dickwad. Always a day late and a dollar short. He just texted me though and said he was on the way," Lizzie said rolling her eyes.

Olivia listened and observed quietly as they all interacted. It seemed so comfortable yet so weird at the same time. Noah was fitting right in and everyone took turns holding him but he only seemed interested in playing with Eli. Every once in awhile she would look in Kathy's direction to see her staring back at her. She would give her a polite smile and concentrate back on the group. After about the third time she was getting annoyed.

"So Olivia..what's new with you? How's work?" Kathy asked.

Elliot interrupted before she could respond. "Well it looks like Sergeant Benson will be Lieutenant Benson before too long." He was beaming with pride and she couldn't help but smile.

"Well it's not official yet. I should get the results in a couple of weeks but I do feel the exam went well," she added.

"That's amazing Liv. Congratulations," Maureen said. "So if you are Lieutenant then who takes your old spot?"

"Fin. He's going to be taking the Sergeant's exam in a few weeks and he will be my number 2."

"That's great. Fin's awesome," Lizzie added.

"Yes he is," Elliot agreed.

"Well you will be able to work less hours now and spend more time at home then?" Kathy asked.

She swallowed hard before answering trying to keep her cool. "That's the goal but we'll see. This job is always unpredictable."

"Either way, whether she does or doesn't. I'm proud of her," Elliot said rubbing her knee and locking eyes with her. "We will make it work." He gave her a small smile and she knew he picked up that Kathy was being passive aggressive and she was trying to hold it together. The exchange put her at ease despite the tension from Kathy but at least her and Elliot were on the same page. He always had her back.

Maureen and Lizzie beamed looking at the two of them together.

The oven timer went off catching everyone's attention. "Well it looks like dinner's ready. Shall we?" Kathy said motioning to the dining room.

They all got up and got ready for dinner. Elliot picked up Noah and was headed in that direction before Olivia stopped him.

"Hey. Come here," she said softly.

He had a faint look of concern on his face that she quickly made disappear with a tender kiss.

"Thank you," she said simply.

"For what?"

"For being you."

Once they actually sat down for dinner and everyone was eating, the atmosphere was less tense. Dickie and Jason showed up fifteen minutes after they started eating and Olivia talked to Dickie extensively about the real estate business. He was very open and at ease with her which made Elliot happy.

"How are the renovations coming Dickie?" Kathy asked her son.

"Almost done. Dad came over and helped so we are almost done with adding the patio on the back. Then it's on to the next project."

"Hey we helped too," Eli protested on behalf of him and Noah.

"You are right squirt. You and Noah were very helpful."

"Hey you have to come up with a name for Noah now too," Eli announced. "You call me squirt so we have to come up with something for Noah since dad says he's a part of the family now."

Everyone instantly got quiet and exchanged glances not really knowing what to say. Olivia wanted to crawl under a rock. '_Darn kids_' she thought to herself. Eli and Noah in their own way were making everyone face a reality that they were walking on eggshells trying to acknowledge.

"Your dad's right buddy. What do you think we should call him?" Kathy asked him sincerely earning a look of pure astonishment from Olivia and Elliot.

"How about little Squirt?" Dickie offered and Maureen and Lizzie laughed.

"I like it!" Eli exclaimed.

Kathy winked at Olivia and she smiled back. She thought to herself that she would never understand their dynamic. One minute it seemed like she was throwing jabs at her and the next they were some supermom team working to make sure their kids were comfortable with their nontraditional family.

"Ok Noah, I hearby christen you little Squirt," Dickie said dramatically and everyone at the table erupted in mock cheers and Noah started clapping.

Olivia started to feel tears well up in her eyes and panicked a little not wanting people to see her get emotional. Lizzie noticed and put a hand on hers to comfort her. Olivia gently squeezed her hand in response and silently worded 'Thank you' to her.

"Is it dessert time yet?" Jason asked.

"Oh Mr. Sweet tooth here," Maureen teased.

"Well we have cupcakes and peach cobbler for dessert," Kathy answered.

"Yes!" Eli exclaimed pumping his fist in the air.

"Slow down there son. You will only be getting one or the other. Not both," Elliot corrected.

"Aww man," he whined.

"Mom any chance we have some ice cream to go with that peach cobbler?" Dickie asked.

"Yep and an even better chance that you will be getting up and getting it yourself." Kathy was bringing everything over to the table while Maureen and Lizzie cleared the dinner dishes.

"Let me help," Olivia said getting up to head towards the desserts.

"Oh no Olivia, you don't have to," Kathy answered.

"No I insist really."

"That's what I'm talking about. All the women in the kitchen. Hey Liz why don't you grab me that ice cream while you are in there?" Dickie joked.

"Oh way to be a male chauvinist Dickwad. Get it yourself," she shot back.

"Women," Dickie scoffed.

"I'm staying out of this one," Elliot whispered to Jason.

"Hey speaking of women Dickie, Lucy told me to tell you hello," Olivia teased.

He immediately turned five shades of red.

"Oooooooooooh. Well well well. I wonder how Lucy would feel about your chauvinist views on women," Lizzie said baiting him.

"Will you guys ever grow out of fighting? I thought twins were supposed to be super close and have your own secret language and stuff," Maureen interjected.

"Ugh me and him? No way."

Olivia opened the box of cupcakes to take some out and place them on a platter and immediately stepped back at the smell. She held her breath and tried to recover but she began to feel sick.

"Liv are you ok?" Maureen asked concerned.

"I-I'm fine," she choked out.

"Liv?" Elliot asked getting up to walk towards her.

"I just need a minute."

Before he could make it to her she ran to the closest bathroom.

"Let me go check on her," Elliot said.

"No. Let me," Kathy offered.

Elliot was about to object considering the uneven tone of the evening but Kathy was gone before he could speak up.

Olivia sat on the toilet lid feeling like the room was spinning. She was cursing herself for bringing those damn cupcakes and wanted to cry thinking that Kathy was right and they should've stuck to the homemade dessert. She gagged a few times but ultimately nothing came up she just felt dizzy. She was splashing cold water on her face when she heard a knock at the door.

She rolled her eyes and opened it, "Elliot baby I'm-oh Kathy."

"Ok if I come in?" she asked hesitantly.

"Umm yeah." Olivia was completely puzzled as to why Kathy of all people was coming to check on her.

"Here this will help," she said taking a cold towel and putting it on Olivia's forehead. "Sit back down. Geez you are tall," she chuckled. "And take some deep breaths."

Olivia did exactly as she said and a few uncomfortable moments later she felt better.

"Oh thank you. That helped. I guess I haven't been a mom long enough to know all the tricks of the trade and home remedies that work."

"That wasn't a home remedy I used on the kids," Kathy said guardedly. "It's a remedy I used on myself….when I was pregnant."

**Coming up: Is she really pregnant? Or is it something else? Olivia turns to a friend help her with the news. **


	34. Almost Fifty

A**uthor's Note: I wasn't going to do a note this time but I had to take the time to comment on the reviews from last chapter. You guys are hilarious. For all of you that "called it" congrats! I love hearing from all of you so please keep the reviews coming. And I've updated a lot this weekend but this week will probably be a little slower due to work. Until next weekend…**

XXXXX

_"Oh thank you. That helped. I guess I haven't been a mom long enough to know all the tricks of the trade and home remedies that work."_

_"That wasn't a home remedy I used on the kids," Kathy said guardedly. "It's a remedy I used on myself….when I was pregnant."_

"What?!" Olivia exclaimed. "What do you mean when you were pregnant?"

"Oh so you don't know..I had a feeling you didn't. I've been trying to get a read on you all night to see if you knew. It's evident that Elliot doesn't," Kathy said.

Olivia stared off in space not really taking in anything that she was saying. She felt like she was going to gag again.

"Wha—Hunh—there's no way. No. There's no way," Olivia said shaking her head back and forth.

"Olivia, if there's one thing I know is pregnancy. I've been through it four times. You're moody, on edge, you are struggling to get food down and the biggest give away was getting sick from the cupcake smell. You also have that glow. I can't describe it but it's just something that all pregnant women have", she explained to a dumbfounded Olivia.

"There's no way, I'm almost fifty," she said as if she was trying to convince herself. "I—there's no way."

"Yes there is. Have you hit menopause yet?"

Olivia scoffed at the question. It's one thing to be asked the question but by Elliot's ex-wife it was almost offensive. She couldn't believe she found herself having yet another personal conversation with her.

"No."

"Ok. Don't take my word for it. Go home and take a test. I'm sure it will be positive."

She turned to leave but stopped again looking at Olivia who was still in a daze and looking around the room like she was lost.

"Just so you know the reason I asked if you were going to be spending time at home was not me being pissy towards you. I could tell you were pregnant so I was hoping that you would say yes because with two little ones at home it's going to be hard on you with your work hours."

"Oh….thanks Kathy…for the cold towel and umm everything," she said trying to smile.

"You are welcome."

As soon as Kathy opened the door she ran right into a worried Elliot.

"Is everything ok?" he asked.

"Ask Olivia," she said and walked back to the kitchen.

Elliot stood cautiously at the bathroom door looking at Olivia who was sitting on the toilet lid holding the cold towel in her hand.

"I'm fine El. I just felt sick for a little bit but it's better now." She was trying to reassure him but he knew something was wrong.

"Let's go home," he said helping her off the toilet and holding her close. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't worry El. No matter what, everything will be fine."

XXXXX

The next morning Olivia was up early with Noah. She managed to avoid all of Elliot's questions the night before because she fell asleep within five minutes of being in the car. He kept passing her worried glances until she dozed off. He helped her up the stairs once they made it back to her apartment and tucked her in. He put Noah to bed for her and it was a few hours before she heard him slip in the bed later that night. She managed to wake up before he did and went to make a pot of coffee. She sighed when she realized she shouldn't be drinking it until she knew for sure.

She put Noah in the high chair with some of his dry cereal while she maneuvered aimlessly around the kitchen. She put the coffee on for Elliot and pulled some muffins from the pantry. She didn't think she was that hungry until she got a whiff of the blueberries when pulling out the package and began to ravage the muffins. She was on her third one when Elliot wrapped his hands around her waist startling her.

"I guess now we can add jumpy to the list," Elliot said stoically.

"What list?"

"The list of things wrong with you."

He moved past her and fixed himself a cup of coffee.

"We have exhaustion, irritability and now you are jumpy."

He was facing her now expecting her to say something but she kept looking down unable to look him in they eye. Elliot was a detective, she knew he knew something was off but she wasn't ready to tell him that she might be pregnant.

"Please tell me what's wrong Liv. I am going crazy with ideas here. Do you know what it is? Are you sick? Is it us? Is it work?" he pleaded.

"I don't know," she said timidly. He knew she wasn't telling the truth. "I'm going to go and see a doctor though. Today, I promise." This time she was actually telling the truth…well mostly.

"Ok. I'm going to go and get dressed." He tried to make it to the bedroom before she stopped him.

"El. Don't ever think it is us ok? Ever. I love you with all my heart. I'm not feeling myself but I'm going to go and get some answers. Don't worry about me. I'll call you later and let you know what I find out. Ok?"

He looked a little unsure still until she gave him a genuine smile and began to kiss him. It started off innocent but she deepened the kiss hoping to solidify how she felt about him. She could handle any other accusation he threw at her about what could be wrong but she couldn't fathom him thinking that she ever had any doubts about them. With the exception of adopting Noah, her relationship with Elliot was one of the few things in life she was absolutely certain about and she tried to pour all of that emotion into the kiss.

"I love you so much Liv," he said breathlessly as they broke away from the kiss. "I just want to know that you are ok."

"I know. I'll call you as soon as I know something."

When Elliot was showering Olivia put in a call to a friend.

"Hey. I'm sorry to bother you but can you meet me at my apartment in an about an hour? Ok thanks I'll see you soon."

XXXX

An hour and a half later, Olivia was pacing around her apartment. She called in a favor to Lucy and had her take Noah for a few hours.

Olivia couldn't stop thinking about all of the possibilities. Could she really be pregnant? She was almost fifty years old and to say this was unplanned was an understatement. She worried about her job and about Noah. She had to struggle to make time for him now, how would she do it with another baby? Then another thought crossed her mind. What if she wasn't pregnant at all and something else wrong with her? As soon as she was about to make herself crazy, her doorbell rang.

"Hey you made it! I'm so glad you are here," Olivia said anxiously. "I didn't know who else to call."

"I came as soon as I could. What's going on?" Melinda asked concerned.

"I…umm… I know this may sound crazy but I think I may be pregnant." She looked at Melinda expecting shock but instead Melinda gave her patented unphased stare.

"Ok…is that it?" she deadpanned.

"What do you mean is that it?" Olivia asked starting to pace.

"Olivia, I knew that was a strong possibility when you came to the lab earlier this week and gagged at the body I had on my table."

"Why didn't you say anything?" she exclaimed.

"I didn't know if you knew and were just keeping it to yourself. You and Elliot seem to be keeping things pretty close to the vest between you two so I didn't want to pry."

"So the gagging is what makes you think I am?"

"Honestly, I knew it when we went to lunch. That's why I took it easy on you with my Elliot jokes. You were eating like I've never seen you eat before and plus I'm a doctor. I can just tell. All the signs are there," she said nonchalantly.

"That was taking it on me?" she tried to joke.

"So you think you are or you know you are?"

"I haven't confirmed it yet. I have a test but I'm scared to take it," she admitted.

"Why are you scared?"

"Melinda I'm almost fifty years old. Fifty! This baby could have so many health problems, or I may not even carry to term! The chances of miscarriage are so high for someone my age. Odds are I wouldn't make it out of the first trimester anyway. Also, I have a toddler that I can barely spend time with, a job that consumes everything and a man who already has five children."

Melinda sighed and led Olivia to the couch so she could sit down with her.

"Olivia the last time I checked you were 47 years old, not 50. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you, yes because of your age it is a high risk pregnancy. You could have a baby with health problems, you could miscarry but you could also have a baby that is perfectly healthy. I will be there every step of the way as your friend who happens to be a doctor to walk you through all the testing you can have done and making sure you are taking care of yourself for this baby," she said holding her hand. Olivia was starting to cry and Melinda wiped the tear from her cheek. "I think there is another reason you don't want to take the test though. What else is it?"

Olivia breathed deeply to steady herself before baring her worries to her friend.

"Melinda when I thought I was pregnant for Cassidy early last year I allowed myself to get hopeful. I wanted to be pregnant so bad even though I would never admit it. We were careful though so it really was a small chance of it being true but I was late so I assumed it could be. When it was negative… I cried. I've always wanted to be pregnant, to feel what it was like to have a human I created with someone I love grow inside me. After that day I finally made peace with the fact that it would never happen for me and plus I have Noah now so that made it easier. I accepted it and allowed myself to move on," she sniffled. "I can't look at another negative pregnancy test. I don't know if I can take it."

"Then you don't have to. Go take the test. Ill go look at it for you," Melinda offered still holding her hand tight.

She stalled for a second before finally going to grab the test off the bar of the kitchen and heading to the bathroom.

When she emerged two minutes later she was shaking like a leaf.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah," Olivia said walking as if she was in a haze with the test in her hand.

"Ok so how long do we have to wait? Like three minutes?" she asked.

"We don't. By the time I finished washing my hands the test was already done….it's positive. I'm pregnant," she said touching her stomach. It still hadn't sunk in for her and Melinda could tell so she gave her a minute to go through the emotions.

Olivia sat in one of the barstools and Melinda stood by her with her hand on her shoulder while she processed the information.

After a few moments of silence she finally spoke up.

"Melinda?"

"Yeah."

"I'm pregnant," she said with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I know honey, I know," she said hugging her tight. "I'm so happy for you Olivia."

"How did this happen?"

"Umm do we need to have that talk?" Melinda asked arching an eyebrow at her.

"I mean because of my age. I mean I'm almost fifty!"

"You mentioned that. Several times," she pointed out. "Truth is until you go through menopause there is always a chance that you could get pregnant. Were you guys being careful?"

Olivia shot her a guilty look.

"Oh well there you go. I mean come on Liv. You weren't taking any precautions and with those super Stablers of Elliot's it was only a matter of time," she joked.

They moved over to the living room and opted to sit on the floor instead of the couch. Olivia looked around at her son's toys and was still taking everything in. Her life had changed so much in such a short time.

"I'm scared," she admitted.

"I know. But it's going to be ok. We are all going to be here for you. You have a lot of people that care about you and that man of yours. It's all going to work out."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Now we have to get you in to see your doctor on Monday so you can see how far along you are, get your prenatal vitamins and start talking about what tests you want to have done to see if this little one is going to be ok," Melinda said touching Olivia's stomach.

"Ok," she agreed shaking her head emphatically.

"But before Monday you have another big task ahead of you," she reminded her.

"What's that?"

"You have to tell Elliot he's going to be a father again."

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot," she laughed.

"How are you going to tell him?"

"I have no idea. How do you tell a man he knocked you up?" she said smiling.

"Well I don't know. In my case I took Larry out to dinner and just kind of blurted it out," Melinda recalled. "But whatever you decide it will be special all the same."

"Yeah it will be," she smiled. "Thank you for being here."

"Anytime." They sat quiet for a few more moments until Melinda started laughing.

"What?" Olivia asked confused.

"That damn Stabler and his super sperm. If we sent his soldiers off to Middle East we could end the war on terrorism."

They both burst into a fit of laughter and it was just what Olivia needed.

XXXXX

Olivia decided to make a dinner date with Elliot later that night and tell him about the baby. He asked the occasion and she hid it under the guise that she wanted to make up for being cranky with him the past few weeks. He still sounded a little guarded and concerned but agreed nonetheless.

She was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when she heard Elliot knock at the door. Lucy was in the front with Noah so she answered the door while Olivia finished up. When she emerged from the bedroom, she heard Elliot whistle.

"Baby you look amazing," he said pulling her in for a kiss.

"Thank you. You look nice yourself," she responded.

"I had to look good for this fancy restaurant you are treating me to. You seem like you are in better spirits."

"I am. So should we get going?"

"I'm right behind you."

They said their goodbyes to Noah and Lucy and headed for the elevator. As soon as they got in the car Olivia's cell phone rang.

"No no no," she said frustrated. "Benson," she snapped. "Fin, you can't be serious. Right now?...ok ok I'll be there."

"Wow," Elliot said turning off the car disappointed.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized. She was so frustrated that she was almost in tears. She had planned the dinner and also made plans with Lucy for her to keep Noah overnight while her and Elliot went to a hotel room after dinner to celebrate her pregnancy.

"Can you drop me at the station?" she asked.

"Of course."

When they pulled up to the precinct Olivia hesitated before opening the door.

"I'm going to make this up to you," she said sadly.

"It's ok."

"No it's not, but it will be worth the wait. I promise," she said leaning over to kiss him. "I love you."

As she watched him drive away, she couldn't help but feel torn that once again her job was getting in the way of something. Now that she was pregnant, things were definitely going to have to change for the sake of her and her family.

XXXX

Two days later and Olivia still hadn't been home. Her back was killing her because she was sneaking naps in the cribs when she could. The Reed case had broken and they were on the verge of getting a confession out of their main suspect. Everyone had taken their crack at interrogating Michael Cole and he was cracking little by little but not soon enough for Olivia. The case was high profile because the victim was the daughter of a judge so once again Dodds was breathing down her neck. Growing frustrated with how long the whole process was taking, Olivia decided to take matters into her own hands.

"Liv you look exhausted. Are you sure you want to do this?" Amanda asked concerned after seeing the bags under her eyes.

"Yes. I can't take much more of this and I have to get home. I know we can break him. Do you mind coming in with me? I think Fin is in the cribs sleeping."

"Of course."

"Carisi you can watch from here and call Barba."

An hour into the interrogation he still hadn't lawyered up. Olivia was getting more and more agitated and so was Cole.

"I'm telling you it wasn't me," Cole said nonchalantly.

"Yes it was. We have two people that ID'd you at her apartment around the time of the murder. We've got her DNA inside your car," Amanda yelled.

"That just proves we saw each other and went to the movies in my car just like I said," he replied.

"Why did you kill her hunh? Why did you rape her? What happened? She turned you down?" Olivia said getting his face.

"Get away from me bitch," he said clenching his teeth.

"Or what? You going to kill me like you did her?" she proceeded. "Just tell us why Michael. Just tell us why you bound and strangled a 17-year-old girl. Why did you do it?" she pressed.

"See these pictures," Amanda put out in front of him. "This is what you did to her. Do you see the bite marks, the wounds?"

Michael looked away and refused to look at the pictures.

"You don't want to look at your own handy work?" Olivia asked pushing the pictures closer to him.

He still refused to look at them and began shaking his leg nervously. She got ready to walk away from him and put some distance between the two of them but as she turned her back he jumped up suddenly and turned the table over. The edge of the table hit Olivia in the back and sent her flying into the wall of the interrogation room before she eventually landed on the floor.

Within seconds, Carisi was barreling into the room and both he and Amanda managed to subdue Cole while he continued to yell profanities at all of them.

"We need help in here! Call a bus!," Amanda yelled.

Nick came running in with Fin close behind. Carisi cuffed Cole and took him out of the room.

Olivia was on the floor trying to stand up but the room was spinning and she felt anchored down.

"Are you ok?" Nick asked her trying to help her up.

"What the hell happened in here?" Fin yelled to Amanda.

As she tried to explain Olivia managed to get to her feet while holding on to Nick and the back of her neck.

"I'm ok Nick I promise," she said.

"Umm Liv," Amanda said looking a little uncomfortable. "You're bleeding," she said looking at her pants that were becoming more and more stained by her blood.

The paramedics came rushing in at that moment and began to tend to Olivia. Amanda and Nick stood by while Fin left the room on his phone.

"Where are you going?" Nick asked.

"I have to call Elliot," he said seriously. "Stay with Liv, I'll be right back."

The paramedics were throwing questions at her a mile a minute as they loaded her onto the stretcher.

She finally grabbed of the female paramedics hands and whispered in her ear careful that no one else heard.

"I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how far along and I think I'm having a miscarriage."

**Coming up: Is the baby ok? Elliot finds out everything.**


	35. In a heartbeat

Chapter 35: In a Heartbeat

Olivia lay on an exam table while doctors hovered around her checking her vital signs and drawing blood to run tests. Everyone was talking at once and asking her all sorts of questions but she kept staring blankly at the ceiling. She didn't care about any concussions, fractures or anything else. She just wanted someone to level with her about the miscarriage. It seemed they were talking about everything else.

"Sergeant Benson? Sergeant Benson? Did you hear me?" one of the doctors asked.

"Hunh?" Olivia asked.

"Did you hear me? I asked how far along in your pregnancy you were?" she asked watching Olivia closely. She held eye contact with her and could tell that Olivia was not processing everything going on around her. "Ok everyone let's give Sergeant Benson a little privacy."

One by one the other nurses left the room and Olivia was left alone with Dr. Jorgensen. She studied the lady's features as she looked through her chart and closed the curtains to give them more privacy. Her hair was chestnut brown and tied back in a clip; she looked to be in her late 50's and was kind of short. Then again at 5'8, most women to Olivia seemed short. She actually reminded Olivia a bit of her mom.

Dr. Jorgensen pulled up a rolling stool and rolled directly over to her to try and talk to her one on one and level with her.

"Olivia, it's just you and me now. I have to ask you some questions ok?" she asked talking slowly and deliberately.

Without all the other noise and distractions, Olivia felt like she could finally concentrate on what was happening in front of her. "Ok," she said softly.

"Do you know how far along you are?"

"No. I-I just found out a few days ago. I was going to make an appointment yesterday but I got caught up at work."

"Ok. Have you had any cramping or any other symptoms?"

"No. I don't think so. The last few days have been a bit hectic…..Is my baby gone?" she asked solemnly.

"I don't know yet. I'm still waiting on some blood work but in the mean time I want to do an ultrasound on you. I would have done one earlier but there are only so many machines going around and they are all occupied at the moment," she said giving Olivia a small reassuring smile.

"Ok."

Olivia was still out of it and trying to concentrate on any and everything else around her so she could forget she was in this moment. Lying on a table waiting for someone to tell her if her child was gone or not.

"If you don't mind. I would like to perform a pelvic exam on you while we are waiting for the ultrasound machine just so I can check the bleeding. It appears to have stopped but I want to be sure." She was speaking very slowly and calmly trying to relieve some of the tension and fear that was radiating off Olivia.

"Ok."

XXXXX

"Have you heard anything about Liv yet?" Fin asked Amanda and Nick. They were circling the waiting room away from other people at the precinct who arrived.

"No. Did you get in touch with Elliot?" she asked.

"I left him a voicemail. I'm going to try and call him again right now," he said walking away.

Amanda was worried about the blood that she saw on Olivia's pants. Nick and Fin wanted to ask but shied away from it feeling that it may be crossing the line. Amanda knew that it wasn't menstrual blood because of how heavy it was but her and Olivia weren't the closest so she was reluctant to ask her about it. Either way, if it was something female related she figured that she would want someone to talk to so she decided to see if they would let her in Olivia's room so she could check on her.

"Hey Nick. I'm going to see if I can sneak in there and check on her. I will be right back."

XXXX

"Hey," Elliot answered the phone in a groggy voice.

"Elliot man it's Fin I've been trying to call you," Fin said in a rushed voice. "There's been an accident and Liv is in the hospital."

"What?! What happened? Is she ok?" He was already up and getting dressed frantically while he was holding the phone.

"We don't know yet. She's conscious. We know she probably has a concussion but we are waiting on the doctor to get here."

"Where are you? Mercy General?"

"Yeah in the ER. Ill wait for you outside."

Elliot hung up the phone and anxiously dialed Maureen.

"Hey Maureen I need you to come sit with Eli," he said trying to keep a calm tone.

"Dad, what's wrong? What's going on?" She was now panicked because she could sense that he was holding something back from her.

"Olivia is in the hospital. Something happened at work. I don't know details I just…can you come here please? Or I will bring him to you?" he asked pacing back and forth trying to reel in his emotions.

His heart was beating so loud he felt like he couldn't hear anything else and felt like time was standing still. This was the part of her job he hated. This is what made him feel bad for everything that he put Kathy through. He couldn't imagine what it was like every time she got one of these calls when he was shot, or stabbed or beat up over the years.

"Dad. I'm coming. I will be there in ten minutes, just hold tight ok." Maureen was trying to talk to him calmly knowing what her dad was like when he was upset and not wanting to escalate the situation.

"Daddy what's wrong?" Eli called from the bedroom door. He was holding one of his action figures that he always slept with and looked terrified. Elliot hung up the phone and took a deep breath trying to calm himself before he answered.

"Nothing buddy," he lied. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"You said Olivia was in the hospital. Is she hurt? Is Noah hurt?" He was kicking himself that Eli heard his phone conversation and he didn't have the presence of mind to know that he was standing at the door the whole time listening to his conversation with Maureen.

"Noah isn't hurt and Olivia's going to be fine. I'm going to have Mo come and sit with you for a bit ok?" He tried his best to look as if everything was ok so Eli wouldn't be scared but he was pretty sure that he wasn't doing a good job.

"I want to go too. I want to see that Olivia's ok," he whined.

"How about this? I go check on her first and as soon as she's up for visitors you and Noah can come see her. Ok?"

"Ok," he agreed reluctantly.

XXXXX

Amanda managed to bypass the nurse's station as they were arguing over schedules and slipped into Olivia's room. She was surprised to see that Olivia didn't even flinch when the door opened.

"Hey Liv, it's me. Do you mind if I come in?" she asked peeking in the door.

"No." She didn't turn her head and acknowledge Amanda, just continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Have they told you anything yet?"

"I have a mild concussion and a few bruises," she replied stoically.

Olivia felt like she was in an alternate universe. It had probably only been five minutes since the doctor left the room but she felt like everything was taking so long. She silently thanked God that she didn't tell Elliot about the baby before because he would be crushed to have lost another child. She decided that she wouldn't tell him about the miscarriage. She refused to put him through that again. It would be a big secret to carry and she realized that it could cause damage to their relationship but protecting Elliot was her priority. A few tears trickled down her cheek and got Amanda's attention.

"Liv what's wrong? If it's just a concussion and some bruises then that's not a bad thing right?" she asked her seriously. "You should be back up and running in no time."

Olivia exhaled before turning to look at Amanda.

"I was pregnant."

Amanda tried to hide the surprise on her face but her gasp was audible and her eyes grew wide.

"Was? You aren't anymore?"

Olivia chuckled sardonically. "You saw all the blood. I'm probably not anymore."

"But it hasn't been confirmed. There's still a chance right?" she asked trying to sound hopeful.

Olivia had always found Amanda to be somewhat naïve. In spite of everything she had gone through with her sister, gambling addiction and being sexually assaulted, Olivia thought she was still very green about how life worked.

"Yeah. There's still a chance," she said simply.

They sat quietly for a few moments before Olivia felt Amanda take her hand. Before she knew it she was sobbing uncontrollably and Amanda reached out to rub her hair and kept repeating "It's going to be ok." She felt so lost. She had only known she was pregnant for a few days and as scared as she was before she found out for sure she already loved her and Elliot's child. She dreamed of what the baby would look like and how his or her personality would be. With Elliot's temper and her stubbornness she was looking forward to the teenage years when she would probably be driven crazy.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the doctor coming in.

"Ok Sergeant Benson I found the ultrasound machine so let's see what's going on."

Amanda immediately got up to leave before Olivia grabbed her hand to stop her.

"Can you stay? Please," she pleaded. She really didn't want to be alone when she got the news.

"Of course I'll stay."

"I'm going to put some gel on your stomach and it may be a little cold."

"Ok."

Amanda stood near Olivia's head still holding her hand while the doctor prepped the wand for the ultrasound.

"Ok, let's see here," she said as she moved the wand around.

Olivia cringed at the slight discomfort and watched the ceiling while waiting for some kind of sound. The silence in the room was deafening and the longer it went on the more tears began to flow down her cheek. If there were some movement or activity the doctor would've seen it by now she thought to herself. She was so nervous that she felt her pulse racing and felt her heart was beating out of her chest drowning out any other sound in the room.

"And there it is," the doctor said pointing to the peanut shaped blob on the screen. "There's your baby."

Olivia shot up putting her weight on her elbows. "It's there? It's ok?" she asked in shock.

"Yes, do you hear that heartbeat? Nice and strong," the doctor said smiling down at Olivia.

Olivia looked up at Amanda who had tears in her eyes and laughed at herself for a moment. The heartbeat that she thought was her own that was drowning out her thoughts was actually her baby's.

"Are you sure? The baby's fine?" she asked again not fully believing it.

"I'm sure. Olivia watched the screen in wonder not really certain she wasn't dreaming.

"Then why was I bleeding?"

"Well it looks like you have placenta previa. Not uncommon in women who are pregnant at your age. From the looks of where your placenta is, I have little doubt that this will correct itself by the time you deliver. You have already stopped bleeding but I am recommending that you take it easy for at least two weeks and be on bedrest. You will have to do that anyway because of the concussion."

Olivia continued to stare at the screen trying to listen to everything the doctor was saying and she got the jest of it that it was normal and would probably correct itself. Her focus was on the gray blob on the screen and she couldn't tear herself away.

They were interrupted by a commotion outside of the room and Olivia immediately knew it was Elliot when he heard someone yelling and asking what room she was in. She quickly asked the doctor to turn off the ultrasound machine and hurriedly pulled her shirt down without taking the time to wipe the gel off. She didn't want him to find out from walking in on her. The doctor rushed and moved everything back just in time for Elliot to come barreling in the room.

"Liv! Liv! Oh my god are you ok baby?" he said rushing to her side and looking her over to see what visible injuries she had.

"El I'm fine, calm down ok?" she said trying to coax him down.

"Calm down? You are in the hospital. They said a suspect threw a table at you and you fell and were bleeding." The words were pouring out of him and his eyes were wide and full of fear.

"Can you both give us a moment?" she asked Amanda and the doctor. "Oh and Amanda. Thank you," she said smiling at her before she left the room.

"Ill be right outside the door whenever you are ready," the doctor said giving her a look of encouragement.

"Why did you send the doctor out of here? I want to learn more about your injuries and what's going on so I can take care of you." He was still moving a mile a minute and she had to bring him down.

"Elliot. Please sit down," she said motioning over to the stool that Amanda previously occupied. "Take a breath. Look at me. I have no machines hooked up to me no IV's or tubes coming out of me. I have a couple of bruises on my back and one on my leg. I have a mild concussion that will require me to have to rest for a week or so." She was talking slowly and methodically rubbing his arm back and forth and watched as he gradually calmed down and began to look normal. His chest was no longer heaving and he was taking normal breaths.

"Liv I was so fucking scared," he said with tears in his eyes. "I didn't know what happened when Fin called and they didn't have any details." He leaned his forehead next to hers and one of his tears landed on her cheek.

"But I'm fine, it's ok I swear." She was rubbing his face now and after a few moments he seemed to be calm enough for her to move on.

"Ok. I love you," he said kissing her on the forehead.

"I love you too. I'm sorry about our date night."

"Liv seriously. You are apologizing about that now?" he said frustrated. "That's the least of my concerns."

"I know but I'm sorry because I wanted to tell you in a more special way with all the bells and whistles."

"Tell me what?"

She took a deep breath and with tears in her eyes she managed to get it out. "Elliot I'm pregnant."

He watched her for a moment as if he heard her wrong but when she lifted up her shirt and he saw the remnants of the ultrasound gel on her stomach he slowly came to the realization she wasn't.

"You're what?"

"I'm pregnant. The doctor was doing an ultrasound before you came in here. I told her to stop because I didn't want you to find out by walking in on it. I wanted to tell you myself," she said reaching for his hand. When he was close enough, she put her hand behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss. With their foreheads still joined together and tears streaming down their face she said it again. "We are going to have a baby."

Elliot was speechless. He just held her and cried.

"And everything's ok with both of you?" he managed to choke out between tears.

"Yeah, I was listening to the heartbeat right before you came in. It was amazing El. The most amazing thing I have ever heard." Her eyes were sparkling and with her tear stained cheeks and mild bruising, Elliot thought that she had never looked more beautiful.

"Is it ok? I mean..are you ok about the baby?" she asked apprehensively.

"Yes. Yes. I'm more than ok. Liv we are going to have a baby," he said in disbelief. "You and me."

"Yeah we are."

"Can I see? Will the doctor let me see?" he asked anxiously.

"Well let's ask her."

Dr. Jorgensen came in right on cue not even attempting to hide that she was near the door listening.

"Is it ok if I come back in?" she asked.

"Yes please. Is it ok for you to put the ultrasound back on so he can see the baby?"

"Of course. You must be the baby's father. Mr…"

"Stabler but please call me Elliot," he said shaking the doctor's hand and pulling up a chair as close to Olivia as he could while the doctor added more gel and turned the ultrasound back on.

The heartbeat quickly filled the room and Olivia closed her eyes briefly to listen to the soundtrack of her unborn baby's life. When she opened them she found Elliot staring at the screen in awe with tears streaming down his face.

"Everything looks good doctor?" he asked.

"Yes it does. She has placenta previa which caused the bleeding but I've checked that and I think it will fix itself just fine. She needs to follow up with her doctor though as soon as possible for a full a proper diagnosis," she assured him.

"Ill see that she does," he responded winking at Olivia. "She can be a little stubborn doctor."

Dr. Jorgenson laughed. "Well it looks like you will be taking good care of them both."

They both watched the ultrasound in wonder for another minute.

"Why don't I give you two a moment alone? We can't leave the ultrasound going for too long but a minute or two longer won't hurt."

"Thank you, we appreciate that," Olivia said.

As the doctor exited the room, Elliot and Olivia sat quietly staring at the figure on the screen. She thought briefly about how risky her pregnancy might be and that the placenta previa might be the beginning of a lot of other problems she may experience over the course of the pregnancy but in that moment with the love of her life by her side and the life they created on the screen she wanted nothing to ruin this moment.

She giggled watching Elliot looking at the screen in amazement.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Elliot you have gone through this four times before. You are looking at the screen like you are totally bewildered."

"You are right. I have done this before. But none of those four times were with you. This is a dream come true for me Liv in more ways than you know," he said placing another kiss on her forehead.

She decided not to tease him anymore and soak in the moment. Everything seemed so dark for the last few last hours leading up to this moment but in a heartbeat, literally, everything in their lives had changed.

XXX

Once Olivia was resting about an hour later, Elliot went to the waiting room and updated Olivia's team and called Maureen. He didn't tell her or anyone about the baby quite yet. He and Olivia both decided that it was too soon and to wait until after she had her initial doctor's appointment to tell the people closest to them.

When he hung up with Maureen and assured Eli everything was fine, Elliot stayed outside for a little longer to get some fresh air. He smiled to himself and looked towards the heavens where he was sure that his daughter was watching over him and said, "Thank you."

XXXXX

A/N: I know I said I wouldn't update until the weekend but it seems the last chapter was a cruel way to make people wait a week for news on Liv and the baby. Ok, now that you know that everything is ok with them so far I have to update my online articles before my editors kill me! Oh yeah and you know I love those reviews…so leave them ;-)


	36. Valentine's Day

Chapter 36: Valentine's Day

Olivia had to stay overnight in the hospital for observation and was released the next morning with orders to rest for the next two weeks and only leave the house to go see her doctor. Due to her emergency the night before she was able to get an appointment with her ob/gyn the next day in the afternoon.

She spent the morning sleeping and Elliot had already gone into overprotective mode. Lucy was not coming until later in the day when they got ready to go to the appointment so he spent the morning tending to her and Noah. Noah woke up promptly at 7am and he insisted on getting up to take care of him.

"El I can get up and walk a few feet to his nursery to get him," Olivia protested in annoyance.

"Actually no you shouldn't. The doctor said you need to rest and not over exert yourself. Since I'm here why won't you just let me take care of you? You really are so stubborn you know that," he said teasing her. "I know it's hard for you but you are going to have to take it easy from now on."

Olivia rolled her eyes because she knew this was coming. Elliot was always overprotective in any situation but with her being pregnant he suspected that it would be overkill. She situated Noah on the bed next to her and gathered a few of his toys to keep him occupied.

"Don't start please. The doctor said for the next two weeks, not for the duration of the pregnancy that I would have to lie in this bed with you waiting on me hand and foot. I fully plan on going back to work when this two weeks is up."

Elliot went to the kitchen and grabbed breakfast and brought it to her on the bed and the three of them proceeded to eat in bed together. Elliot was holding back his thoughts on her and work because he didn't want to argue in front of Noah or upset her. After the incident that happened in the interrogation room that was all the ammo he needed to convince her to go on desk duty as soon as possible when she returned to work.

The three of them spent the morning together in bed looking at TV and playing with Noah. The team kept calling to check in on Olivia but she assured them that she was doing fine and had a follow up appointment that afternoon. She left Fin in charge which was perfect practice for what was to come and she felt a little guilty that she hadn't told him about the pregnancy yet. Amanda was still the only person that knew and she trusted that she would keep her secret.

Around noon Noah was down for his nap and Olivia wanted to take the opportunity to finish the discussion with Elliot about his views on her going back to work and the pregnancy in general.

"El, baby come here." She pointed to the empty space next to her in the bed. "You've been running around all morning making breakfast and tending to us. Come lay with me for a little bit."

"We have to get ready for your appointment in an hour or so," he said pulling back the covers and lying down.

"We have a few more hours. Let's just lay and talk. We haven't really talked about everything."

Elliot rested his head on her shoulder and ran his hand across her stomach and she rubbed his back.

"I want you to tell me how you are really feeling El."

"I told you. I'm excited about the baby," he said confused looking up at her. "You don't believe me?"

"No it's not that at all. I'm excited too but I'm still scared and nervous and worried. You have to be feeling some of that too. It's ok you can tell me," she coaxed. Placing a kiss on his forehead and then his nose she held her face close to his willing him to open up.

Elliot searched his thoughts trying to figure out how articulate how he felt without her being upset.

"Well….I am worried about you being pregnant and with your job. I'm afraid that you will get hurt and I know there are already a lot of risks because of your age. I don't want to hold you back Liv. I know how much you love your job but I just…I would prefer if you weren't there as much or took a leave or something." She was quiet after his admission and he was certain that she would lash out at him.

"Are you worried at all that this is too soon for us to have a baby? That your kids will be mad about you for having another child? That we are too old to do this?"

He pulled back from her grip and looked at her concerned. "No I don't feel like that..but do you? Are _you_ worried about all of that?"

Olivia hung her head and he immediately knew it was true. "Do you not want the baby?" he asked.

"Of course not! Don't be ridiculous. I want this baby more than anything. This is me and you inside me," she said bringing his hand back to her stomach and rubbing it back and forth. "I think it's amazing." They smiled at each other.

"But…"

"But I am worried that your kids have just gotten to accept Noah and us and now this. I don't want to cause any more turmoil in your family. It's just all very fast, you know?"

"It is fast. But the kids are fine I promise you. They have been nothing short of amazing these past few months, well years actually. I've learned more from them about acceptance than I have taught them I'm sure. And also baby we played around for so long before all this it just makes sense that we would be on the fast track once we got it right," he assured her. "Plus we're old. We don't have much time left to court and wait the normal amount of time for all these life events to occur."

They both laughed and she punched him in shoulder playfully. "Speak for yourself."

"Ok Miss I'm almost fifty, I'm almost fifty," he said mocking her.

"I have something else to tell you." He looked at her expectantly. "What? Is it not mine?"

"Would you shut up and be serious for a second?" she laughed and then sighed before finally telling him, "Kathy knows."

"What? How?"

"When I was sick at your house and she was in the bathroom with me. She said she could tell I was pregnant."

"Wow," he said taking it all in. "Well the fact that my phone hasn't been ringing off the hook should give you more confidence in how you fit in the family and them being able to handle it. She hasn't mentioned anything and I don't think she said anything to the kids."

"Yeah I was thinking the same thing," she agreed.

"The truth is Liv. I am scared. I am scared that something could be wrong with the baby or that you could miscarry. I am nervous that us both being scared will tear us apart or put a wedge between us and we won't enjoy every moment of this pregnancy like we should."

"It won't tear us apart. I want us to be honest with each other always no matter what. If we piss each other off then we take the time to deal with that and go through those emotions but we don't let it drive a wedge within us." Elliot nodded his head in agreement.

"The truth is you and I both have demanding jobs and we have six other kids to think about here. We have to make sure that all decisions we make going forward is for their best interest. Where we live, our work schedules, this baby, everything," she continued.

"Five," he whispered.

"What?"

"You said six other kids to consider in everything. We have five."

"Elliot look at me." She lifted his head and put her finger under his chin to make him have eye contact with her.

"We have six kids to consider Elliot and one on the way. Kathleen being dead doesn't make her any less a part of our decisions. Because of her not being here I rethink how we handle situations with the other kids and how they will react to this baby. I know it affects how you deal with the kids now and that was evident with how you handled Lizzie with the rapist situation," she explained as a single tear slid down his cheek. "She's always here Elliot. Making an impact in every way that only she can," she said smiling referring to Kathleen's always candid personality.

"I thanked her."

"Who?"

"Kathleen. When everything was okay with you and the baby at the hospital. I thanked her. I felt like she had something to do with it."

She placed a tender kiss on his lips and took his hand. "I'm sure she did baby. I'm sure she did."

XXXX

A few hours later Elliot and Olivia were at the doctor's office in the examination room. She was sitting on the exam table fidgeting nervously while Elliot sat in the guest chairs.

"Liv. You've got to calm down."

"Can I ask you something?" she asked cautiously.

"You are having my child so I guess that entitles you to one question," he smirked.

"Are you mad that I wasn't on birth control and didn't tell you?"

"Are you mad at me?" he retorted.

"You know what I mean. We never talked about it so I just assumed you assumed that I was on something."

"I don't know about you but I didn't talk about it because it didn't matter to me. I don't think you trapped me if that's what you are worried about," he explained.

"I kinda was. I just didn't think I needed to be on anything because of my age you know? And I didn't ask you to use anything because I trust you and…."

"And?" he prodded.

"I guess I didn't want any barriers between us," she admitted embarrassed.

He returned her embarrassed smile. "I didn't want any between us either."

"Well hello Olivia. I hear congratulations are in order," her doctor said coming in at that moment.

"Yeah I guess so. Dr. Wilder, this is Elliot Stabler, my partner and the baby's father."

"Nice to meet you," Elliot said extending his hand.

"Nice to meet you too," she returned the handshake and gave Olivia a wink obviously referring to his looks which seemed to go unnoticed by no one.

"So I read over the reports and everything from your visit to the ER last night and saw the ultrasound pictures. I agree with everything the doctor said about your placenta previa. I think we are in good shape and this will probably take care of itself," she said to Elliot and Olivia's relief.

"So let's talk dates. When was the start of your last period?" she asked.

"May 10th. It literally lasted a day," she explained.

"Well the closer you get to menopause that's typically how it becomes if it comes on at all. So May 10th, that puts your conception date on around May 20th. Does that date make sense?"

Olivia thought for a split second and her and Elliot exchanged knowing smiles.

"Yes. I could never forget that date. That's the date my son was formally adopted," she said.

"Ahh well that's definitely worth celebrating," she said returning their smiles. "That makes you 6 weeks this Wednesday and your due date…Valentine's Day. How appropriate. So lean back and let's take a look."

After performing another ultrasound she printed out some pictures for them both to keep and wrote Olivia a prescription for prenatal vitamins.

"So everything looks good?" Elliot asked.

"Everything looks fine so far Mr. Stabler," she said.

"Please call me Elliot. Is there anything we can do or she should be doing?" he asked.

"Well with the concussion and because of the brief bleeding I agree with the doctor that for the next weeks she needs to be resting as much as possible. Nothing strenuous…if you know what I mean," she said and they both blushed. "She needs to stay away from work. I would even minimize the calls and everything for right now. The greatest risk for miscarriage is in the first trimester and you are right in the middle of that," she said to Olivia. "I'm ordering you to take it easy and I know with that job of yours that's not easy. I want to see you back here in two weeks to see how you are feeling before I release you back to work which will be desk duty."

Olivia shot Elliot a glance and he was beaming with enthusiasm at the doctor's orders. He knew she would think he was just being overprotective but coming from the doctor she would be more willing to listen.

"What about getting some tests done on the baby to see if everything is ok? What are our options with that?" she asked.

"Well we normally don't start those tests until you are a little further along around 11 weeks or so. We have a first trimester screen and a quad marker screen that we do in the second trimester and I would recommend you to have an amniocentesis. I'll give you all the information so you can read up on them. Some I would definitely suggest because you are at a high risk for your child possibly having down syndrome or other defects. But I don't want you to get caught up in the hypotheticals Olivia. You don't need any additional stress or worry. You are healthy and have always taken very good care of yourself and that goes a long way with any pregnancy. Your baby could be perfectly healthy. I will be monitoring you closely to ensure that if there is something abnormal we are on top of it immediately. Ok?"

Elliot really liked her doctor. The lady was straightforward and he could tell she knew enough about Olivia to know she was a worrywart that worked too much.

"Should we wait to start telling people?" she asked timidly.

"It's entirely up to you," Dr. Wilder said. "Most people wait until after the first trimester but I would suggest telling the people closest to you especially family because if anything else comes up, they will need to know that you are pregnant in case there is some kind of emergency."

They both nodded their head in agreement as Olivia hopped off the table to reach for her clothes.

"Call me if you need any additional documentation for work regarding the pregnancy. Other than that, congratulations. To both of you," she said with a genuine smile. "I know this is something you have wanted for a long time Olivia."

XXXXX

"So desk duty it is hunh?" Elliot gloated while they drove back from the appointment.

"You don't have to look so smug Stabler. I haven't been going out that much in the field lately anyway."

"But you are worried about something?" he asked noticing her demeanor.

"My promotion to Lieutenant is not official yet. Dropping this bomb right now I'm just worried how it could affect that. I know it should be the least of my concerns right now but I feel sometimes like they are looking for any reason to take me out as CO of SVU."

Elliot wanted to reassure her but he knew how 1PP worked and she probably wasn't being overly paranoid. The other side of him was being a little selfish and wouldn't be entirely upset if she didn't go back to work.

"It's all going to be fine. Plus you don't have to tell them today. The exam results should be in soon and you have to be out for the next two weeks for the concussion anyway," he assured her.

"So who do we tell first?" she asked changing the subject.

"Well you said Kathy knows."

"And Melinda and Amanda," she added. He shot her a glance.

"Oh sorry did I not mention that?" she grinned. "Melinda was with me when I took the test and well you saw Amanda in the room with me at the hospital."

"Well you definitely need to tell your squad and I want to tell the kids…assuming Kathy hasn't already," he said.

"And I want to tell Casey and Alex."

Elliot rolled his eyes and she laughed. "What?! They are my best friends!"

"Liv, telling Casey is like plastering it on the front of the New York Post."

"It is not! She kept it a secret that you and I were seeing each other. She was one of the first to know," she said defending her.

"Ok ok, fine tell your girlfriends."

"Well gee thanks for the permission," she said rolling her eyes. "How about we pick up some ice cream on the way home?"

"Cravings already? Should we pick up pickles too?" he teased.

"No. It's Noah's favorite. I want us to tell him when we get home"

XXXXX

After giving Noah and Lucy the good news, they were both wiped out for the day. Lucy assured Olivia that she would be okay staying on and could take care of both children much to their relief. Elliot was taking a shower, but due to the doctor's orders that they couldn't have sex she didn't risk it by jumping in with him. Instead she decided to make a phone call while he was occupied.

"Hello."

"Hi Judge Linden it's Olivia Benson, I'm sorry to call you so late."

"Well hello Olivia. It's not too late at all. I was here wrapping up notes on a case. I figured I would be hearing from you soon."

XXXXX

Coming up: Elliot and Olivia tell the people closest to them the news. How will they all react?

A/N: To the reviewer that pointed out that the ER doc would've done a transvaginal exam and predicted the baby's due date on the first visit, I'm aware that's how it usually works but for the effect of the story I changed it around a bit. I didn't want all of that information to come out without Elliot there. Also I am no medical expert so there will be some stuff I get wrong. Just putting it out there. It's called fiction for a reason right? ;-)


	37. Start Spreading the News

Chapter 37: Start Spreading the News

Author's Note: I want to take this time to personally thank all of you that have stuck with this story and there are a group of you that consistently review on each chapter and that means the world to me. I especially want to thank my Twitter peeps **Bernie, T, Britt** and a very special thanks to **eorocks**. It's because of her fantastic stories and crazy posting schedule that motivates me to update so fast. Between my story and hers, you are liable to get new chapters to enjoy from both of us almost everyday J

XXXXX

Olivia, Noah and Elliot spent a few peaceful days at home alone before deciding to meet with everyone to start spreading the news of the pregnancy. Elliot wanted to tell his kids face to face and he figured that Maureen's 4th of July barbecue that weekend would be the perfect time to tell them. They tried to come over at separate times because of their schedules and check on Olivia to see how she was recovering but they both stalled wanting there to be a perfect occasion and all the kids be together.

Elliot put in a call to Eric who was of course expecting a child of his own. Chelsea was already in her second trimester and they recently found out they were expecting a baby boy. Eric offered his support to Elliot and Chelsea already texted Olivia with advice on how to handle first trimester illness. She also told her that she sent an extra special gift in the mail for her that would come in handy.

Don and Eileen had gone back to Florida for the holiday so she had to settle for telling him over the phone. He was quiet for a few moments when they both told him over speakerphone. She thought he was stunned in silence but once he started talking she soon realized he was trying to regain his composure.

"You are giving me another grandchild hunh?" he managed to say.

"Yeah," Olivia responded. She was finding it hard to hold back her emotions as well. He truly loved her like a daughter and treated Noah like a grandson and she was beyond grateful. "Are you excited?"

"I couldn't be more excited. I guess it's a good thing I have a good amount of money saved up from my pension. These grandchildren and their college funds are going to bleed me dry before too long," he laughed through his sentiments.

"Don don't you dare," Olivia warned.

"It's already done Olivia. I set Noah's up a few months ago. This little baby will have one as well."

"Don you-."

"Elliot no arguments. You just take care of them ok?"

"I will," Elliot promised.

"Olivia. No heroics and I assume it will be desk duty for you from now on," he said in a tone that sounded much like the same one he used on both of them when he was their captain.

"Yes I will."

XXXXXX

After their conversation with Don, Olivia got ready for lunch with Alex, Melinda and Casey. They agreed to all come over to the apartment and bring some take out believing they were just coming to check on her after she was hospitalized. Melinda had been in touch with Olivia since the ER visit and helped to put her mind at ease about the baby's health. Elliot was taking Noah and heading over to Dickie and Eli's to work on another small project for his apartment.

"Ok, I think I have everything. We are outta here," Elliot said rushing with Noah in his arms.

"Why are you moving so fast?" Olivia asked amused.

"I don't want to be anywhere near here when they arrive. I heard the questions they were asking you at the adoption party. I can only imagine what they are going to ask you now and I want to be completely out of dodge."

She sat on the couch comfortably in a sundress and bare feet and watched in humor as he tried everything in his power to avoid her girlfriends.

"I can't believe big bad Elliot Stabler is afraid of a group of women," she mocked him getting his attention for a second.

"A group of women, no. A group of relentless gossiping women, yes," he said giving her a kiss goodbye. "Although I do love them all dearly."

"I'm sure you do."

They were almost to the door when Noah began to whine for his toy.

"Daddy car car." He pointed to the car on the ground and Elliot bent down to pick it up. Noah rarely went anywhere without the toy car the kids gave him the day of the adoption and Olivia thought it was the cutest thing ever.

"Ok I got it buddy. We gotta go before we run into your aunts," he whispered to the little boy and earning another laugh from Olivia.

As he opened the door he ran right into them.

"Well well well. Where are you running off to so fast Stabler?" Alex asked with her brow lifted.

"Surely you weren't trying to avoid us," Melinda added.

"Of course not. It's just that I'm running late to meet Dickie," he lied. He gave each of them a peck on the cheek.

"You're lying through your teeth but lucky for you this is a full on girls date so we won't beg you to stick around."

Casey piped in, "Plus it's easier for us to talk about you when you are not here. Bye."

Elliot didn't waste any time leaving and all the ladies watched him walk to the elevator from the door.

"Wow, it's still an honor to watch him walk away," Casey said as they all laughed. "His ass is a thing of beauty."

"Hey that is my man you are talking about," Olivia yelled from the couch.

"Oh I know. And if I haven't said it before…congratulations on nabbing that." She reached her hand out for Olivia to shake it and she playfully knocked it away.

"Ok ok enough about Elliot's perfect ass," she said reaching for the take out. "What all did you bring to eat?"

"Well slow down Liv. We wanted to see how you were feeling with the concussion and everything. I heard about what happened I was worried sick," Alex said bending down to hug her.

Casey bent down to hug her as well, "Benson I swear you and your heroics are going to give us all heart attacks one day."

"I'm fine. You know I've been through worse and survived," she said digging in to the Chinese food.

They all exchanged glances with their first thoughts going to William Lewis. No one dared to bring up his name.

"Well we can see you are doing ok. How much longer are you down for?" Alex asked.

"Another week."

Melinda started to spread out the food on the coffee table while the ladies settled on the floor and Olivia continued to eat out of the carton.

"Then it's back to busting perps. Liv, have you thought about slowing down a little bit? I don't remember Cragen getting hurt or being in the field as much as you when he was CO," Alex said concerned.

Melinda and Olivia exchanged a look that didn't go unnoticed.

Alex asked, "Ok what's going on?"

"Well I am going to slow down. I was going to anyway with Fin being my number 2 and with Noah and everything but there's been a new development that's going to kind of force the issue," she said setting down her food.

Alex and Casey leaned in waiting for her to finish.

Fidgeting with her hands and with unshed tears in her eyes she announced, "I'm pregnant. Elliot and I are having a baby."

The two ADA's sat with their mouths wide open and didn't know what to say.

"Guys say something," Olivia prodded and Melinda took her hand.

"Oh my gooooood!" Casey shrieked. "Oh my god Liv! A baby! You are having a baby! You are having Elliot's baby," she continued to scream in disbelief with tears in her eyes.

"I can't believe this! How far along are you? How long have you known?" Alex fired off question after question while Casey hugged Olivia tight.

"You knew didn't you?" Alex asked Melinda. "That's why you've been so quiet."

"I was with her when she took the test and confirmed it." In all the chaos, they exchanged hugs, some food was spilled on the floor and Casey and Alex were firing off questions left and right.

"Ok ok one at a time," Olivia said calming them. "Sit, let's eat and I'll go over everything."

"Start with the sex!" Casey blurted out.

"Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?"

"I'm not obsessed with your sex life. I'm obsessed with your sex life with Elliot. There's a difference. You held out on us at lunch, there will be no holding out now Benson."

Alex joined in, "Especially since you are now carrying around the fruit of his labor."

"Woo and I bet he put in some work," Melinda goaded her.

They laughed hysterically and continued to eat.

"Well I'm six weeks along so I'm due on Valentine's day."

"Six weeks hunh? Isn't that right around the time that Noah's adoption was finalized," Alex concluded.

Olivia shot her a stupefied look. "Oh don't look like that. I've hung around detectives long enough to put two and two together. You guys probably jumped each other the second we all left," she teased.

"Not true," Olivia said rolling her eyes in mock disgust. "We put Noah down to sleep first." She winked at them and they cracked up again.

"But everything's ok right? Even with you being in the hospital and getting hurt when the guy attacked you?"

"Yeah I was bleeding right after but it stopped by the time I got to the ER. They did an ultrasound and the heartbeat was strong but…"

"But what?" Casey asked immediately concerned.

Melinda immediately spoke up offering her medical expertise.

"Olivia has placenta previa which is what caused the bleeding. It's a fairly common condition especially in women over 40 who are pregnant. I've looked at the ultrasound pictures and her doctor has as well. We both think that the condition will correct itself by the second trimester but her doctor will continue to monitor her to make sure."

They talked a little more about the risks to Olivia and the child and what tests she would have done to ensure there were no problems before the baby was born.

"I have to say Liv. I never thought I would see the day when you would slow down," Alex said as they were now eating leftover dessert Olivia had in the fridge.

"It's weird isn't it?" she agreed. "I've always wanted a family. Always. Now I have it and it's still unbelievable to me. A little over a year ago I was trying to recover from everything with…him. I never saw myself here. And then when I got Noah everything changed. I said it was going to be me and him from now on and then in comes Elliot," she said swiping away at tears. "Noah and I were a family before he came along but now everything just seems so complete. I want this baby more than anything. As bad as it sounds I always fantasized about me and Elliot being here and now that we are it's just…."

"Amazing?" Casey finished for her.

"Yeah."

"Don't get me wrong I love my job. You know it's been my life for so long but I will never forget what Cragen said to me when he retired. He said "take care of yourself" and that I would know what it means eventually. Now I do. I'm taking care of myself by taking a step back and not letting SVU consume me. I need to make sure this little one is ok," she said rubbing her stomach. "And I will have young children that will need me to be around as long as possible so I've got to get myself out of the line of fire as much as I can."

"Do you realize you are going to be in your 60's with teenagers?" Casey asked smirking.

"Yes we both realized that but thank you for reminding us."

"Oh man. I hope I am around to see that. Now that's pure comedy."

"On top of that a Benson Stabler combination. God help us all," Alex added.

"It will be a beautiful child though," Melinda added.

"Aww thanks Mel," Olivia said taking her hand.

"A hellion…..but beautiful nonetheless," Melinda joked and they erupted in laughter again.

"Yeah I have to admit I'm a bit concerned about that as well but it is what it is."

"I'm proud of you Olivia," Casey said seriously.

"For getting knocked up? Well thanks."

"No silly. For not running. I remember the conversation we had when he first came back around and I was worried that you would sabotage it but you are making life changes that show you are really committed to this family that the two of you have created so I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks Case. That means a lot," she said appreciatively.

"Just goes to show, there's nothing that some good dick can't do," she added and quickly took a sip of her drink while they all bent over laughing. Olivia knew she couldn't stay serious for too long.

"It can work miracles," Melinda added.

"Cheers to that," Alex said and the ladies clinked their classes while Olivia looked on shaking her head.

"Ok sorry Liv. Why don't you grab a glass of water and join in? You know no lunch of ours is complete without a toast," Casey said trying to compose herself.

Olivia scooted to the end of the couch and they all raised their glasses while Alex started the toast.

"To Olivia, on finally finding her happily ever after."

Then Casey cut in, "and to Elliot Stabler, who always finds a way to get em barefoot and pregnant."

XXXXX

The next day Olivia and Elliot were on their way to Maureen's apartment for her Fourth of July party. It was the first time she left the house since her doctor's appointment and she was happy to be out even if it was just to go and sit at another house. All of the kids were going to be there and Kathy had other plans with some friends so it seemed like the perfect time to tell them the news. Olivia was a little worried that Maureen may have been on to her because she seemed very nervous and jittery on the phone when they talked the day before but she was hiding it pretty well. She couldn't help but worry about the kids' reaction to the news. Elliot seemed to be pretty calm about it and had all the confidence in the world in his children but she was concerned that it was all too much too fast for them. She hadn't talked to Kathy since she confirmed the pregnancy but that was a conversation she wanted to have one on one.

"You ok?" Elliot asked. He picked up her hand and gave her a kiss on the hand.

"This feels like déjà vu doesn't it? Me nervous on the way to a member of your family's home."

"Yeah and we see how well that went. Do you have any other secrets you want to bestow on me before we get there?"

"Hmmm," she pretended to think for a minute. "I don't think so."

They pulled up to a stop outside of Maureen's building.

"There better not be," he said reaching over to kiss her. He started to kiss her and She leaned over to kiss him and quickly slipped her tongue into his mouth earning a moan from Elliot.

"I miss you," she said in between kisses.

"I miss you too so much. I can't wait for next week."

"We have exactly 6 days and 3 hours," she said looking at her watch. "before I have to go back to the doctor to get the all clear. And when I do Mr. Stabler, there will be a lot of making up I have to do."

She crashed her lips back to his and his hands were rubbing through her dark tresses when they were interrupted by a knock on the window.

"Seriously dad I know she's hot but you can't keep your hands off of her for one second? Noah's in the backseat for God's sake," Dickie said annoyed.

Olivia turned around and tried to fix her lipstick in the mirror while Dickie reached in the backseat to unbuckle Noah.

"Ill take him inside while you two…..get yourself together."

"We are never going to live that down," Olivia said reapplying her makeup.

"Yeah I'm having bigger problems over here." She followed his eyes down to his pants to see his erection bulging through his pants.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help you with that? Let me take care of you," she said in a low sultry voice that did nothing to help his raging hard on.

"No!" he said quickly. "You've done enough."

"But Elliot," she began to protest.

"No. Liv, I appreciate the offer, especially in this romantic setting but you are not supposed to be doing anything strenuous."

"I don't think that giving my man a hand job would be considered strenuous," she rebutted leaning in to kiss him again and reaching for his pants.

He quickly stilled her hands. "Honestly it would just make matters worse anyway. There's nothing that you could do that wouldn't make me still want to be inside you," he said kissing her cheek softly. "There's no substitute for that. Just give me a minute, I'll settle down."

XXXX

In Maureen's apartment, Noah, Eli and Dickie played together in her tiny living room while Maureen made herself busy in the kitchen. Olivia sat in the dining room and watched contently as Jason whispered to Maureen making her giggle. They stole kisses from one another as they prepared dinner and Elliot busied himself setting the table.

When it was finally time for dinner, conversation flowed freely. Olivia tried to avoid all eye contact with Dickie still feeling a little embarrassed but he was clearly over it and she eventually lightened up as well. She was waiting for Elliot's lead on when they would share the news but it was hard to fit it in with the conversation. Once dinner was over, and Maureen got ready to serve dessert Elliot decided to pipe up.

"Well I'm glad that we are all able to get together like this again. We should do this more often..especially because there are going to be some changes to the family soon," he said looking over at Olivia.

"You're absolutely right dad," Maureen interrupted. "There have been some changes with Olivia and Noah joining the family and we are pleased to announce there will be another addition. Me and Jason are having a baby. I'm pregnant."

"That's amazing!" Lizzie shouted and jumped up to hug Maureen.

"Congrats Mo and Jason. That's awesome," Dickie said hugging his sister and bumping fists with Jason.

Olivia and Elliot sat quiet unsure of what to say or do.

"That's really great Maureen. I'm so happy for you," Olivia finally said. "We both are." She nudged Elliot back into reality.

"What do you say dad?" Maureen asked expectantly.

"I couldn't be happier," he said getting up to hug her. "Congratulations honey."

"Yeah dad you're going to be a grandpa," Lizzie added.

Olivia and Elliot locked eyes and smirked at the irony.

"Oh dad I'm so sorry. You were going to say something and I interrupted you. What were you going to say?"

"Well umm….actually me and…" he started but Olivia cut him off.

"Me and your dad were wondering if you all would like to come to the ceremony in a few weeks when I get my Lieutenant's badge. You are all invited if you want and maybe we could do a little celebration or something after," she recovered squeezing Elliot's knee.

"I would like that," Maureen agreed.

"Count me in."

"Me too," Dickie added.

For the rest of the night, Maureen talked about baby names and listened as Eli tried to coax her into naming the baby after him even though he was already a junior. They said their goodbyes after a few hours and as they walked to the car Elliot asked her about the announcement.

"You didn't want to tell them tonight?" he asked concerned that there was another reason she was holding back.

"Honey it was Maureen's night. I didn't want to take the spotlight from her and her news."

"You really are amazing you know that?"

"Yes I do," she said giving him a kiss. "You're not so bad yourself Grandpa."

XXXX

Coming up: Liv shares her news with the team and the two weeks are up so she can return to work and other things… J


	38. Date Night Redo

On Monday morning, the caseload for the squad was pretty low so Olivia called her team over to her apartment under the guise of checking in on her since the incident and she promised them breakfast.

"Thanks for picking up the breakfast," Olivia said giving Elliot a chaste kiss. "You really are taking such good care of me."

"It's my pleasure. Mostly because you are actually letting me take care of you. I never thought I would see the day."

He pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back while resting his face in her hair. He loved the smell of her and the feel of her against him. He mostly loved simple little moments like this in the morning or at night when they weren't talking about work or children or anything else, just bantering back and forth and enjoying each other. He was so comfortable with her and he didn't want his life to be any other way.

"I'm a little shocked actually that I like being taken care of," she said wistfully. "I've always had to take care of myself and didn't want to rely on anyone else but a girl could get used to being doted on."

"Is that right?"

"Yes. Especially being doted on by someone as handsome as the man in front of me," she added wrapping her arms around his waist.

"So it's official. You are only using me for my devilish good looks," he joked back.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm using you for your perfect ass too," she said slapping him hard on the backside.

He threw his head back in amusement and laughed out loud capturing the attention of Noah who laughed and clapped his hands in response.

"Perfect hunh?" he asked.

"Well that's what the girls said when they were here this weekend."

"Oh God," he said burying his head in his hands. "Do I even want to know what else was said about me when I left?"

"Umm probably not. I think the perfect ass comment should be enough to hold you over," she said. She walked over to Noah's high chair and began to feed him his breakfast.

"Mama eat." He stuffed a few of his dry cheerios in her mouth while Elliot stood by in the kitchen and watched.

"Mmm, that's good. Now you eat," she said trying to convince him to finish his breakfast. "Do you mind feeding him the rest so I can throw something on and look presentable for when everyone gets here?"

"Of course not."

Before Olivia walked into her bedroom she looked back for a second to watch Elliot and Noah. "Daddy eat." He stuffed some more of his cheerios in Elliot's mouth and giggled when he spit them out dramatically.

She made a mental note to reach out to Trevor Langan to set up an appointment with him when she was back on her feet. She already had a meeting set with Judge Linden.

XXXXX

"Thank you guys for coming over. I appreciate it," she said as Carisi, Amaro, Fin and Rollins all navigated around her breakfast bar picking at food and grabbing coffee.

"Are you kidding? This is the best breakfast we've all had in weeks, of course we were going to come over," Rollins said grabbing a bagel.

"Yeah so you've got us all curious. What's going on?" Amaro asked. He was walking with a slight limp now and barely had to use his cane. He would be off desk duty in no time.

"Everything's alright hunh Sarge? You aren't retiring or anything are you because of what happened?" Carisi asked. They all rolled their eyes at his flair for the dramatics.

"No no, you guys aren't getting rid of me that easy," she assured him. She sat down on the barstool and everyone followed suit sitting down in the living room. "You guys know that Fin will soon be my official second in command but what you don't know is that I will be taking more of a backseat approach and spending less time in the field from now on but moreso over the next 7 months or so," she explained.

Rollins smiled but the other guys still hadn't caught on.

"I am pregnant. I'm about 7 weeks along and when I return to the office next week I'll be on desk duty until I come back from maternity leave and yes I absolutely plan on coming back."

The team exchanged glances before smiling and offering their congratulations.

"Congratulations Liv, that's great news," Amaro said giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"That's great Sarge. You look happy."

"I am Carisi, thank you."

Fin hung back waiting for everyone to back up before coming over to hug her.

"So Elliot knocked you up hunh? I should've known it was only a matter of time," he said smiling at her. "Come here." He pulled her into a hug and not like the few they have exchanged sporadically over the years when one of them was in danger and they were relieved that the other was safe but a real genuine hug. Something she's never seen Fin do. When he pulled back she thought she almost saw a little something in his eyes. "So baby girl is having a baby girl," he said trying to lighten the mood.

"Well it's still early. I don't know what it is yet," she responded rubbing her stomach.

"Trust me," he whispered winking at her.

Rollins stood back guardedly but offered her congratulations to Olivia. They got down to business for about half an hour discussing the various cases before Noah and Elliot emerged from the back bedroom.

"Hey there's little man," Fin said upon seeing Noah.

"He just came out to visit for a little bit," Elliot said handing the tot over to Fin. Everyone doted over Noah for a few minutes and offered their congratulations to Elliot on the new baby.

"So don't mind us, please continue on with whatever you guys were talking about before we came out. Surely it wasn't about work considering that someone is on strict orders to take it easy for a few more days," he reminded them.

Olivia rolled her eyes and everyone started packing up.

"We can take the hint," Nick said standing up and getting ready to head out.

"Thanks again for coming," Olivia said. "Rollins can I see you for a second?"

"Sure. Everything ok boss?"

"Yeah I just never got the chance to properly thank you for everything you did for me at the hospital. I was really in a bad way that night and scared to death. If you wouldn't have been there….I don't know how I would've gotten through it. Thank you," she said sincerely and gave her a hug.

Rollins was completely floored and stalled for a second before she returned the hug. She had always looked up to Olivia and wanted her respect. Also, as juvenile as it sounded, she also wanted Olivia to like her. "You are welcome. It was my pleasure. I'm really glad that everything turned out ok for you and the little one."

While Amanda and Olivia talked, Elliot pulled Fin to the side outside of the door.

"Hey Fin, I need a favor."

"Whatcha got?"

Elliot looked over his shoulder to see if Olivia was watching him and was relieved when she wasn't.

"When Liv returns next week to work, I know she says she wants to take it easy and be on desk duty but you know—"

"Say no more," Fin said cutting him off. "You got it."

"There are some risks and everything with the pregnancy because of her age and I just want to make sure that—"

"I know," Fin said putting his hand on Elliot's shoulder. "Ill talk to Nick too. We'll keep an eye on her. You have my word."

"Thanks man. I appreciate it."

XXXXXX

Later that week, Olivia waited nervously at the doctor's office for some good news.

After an examination and taking all of her vitals and assurance that she had no pelvic bleeding or headaches, she was medically released to go back to work.

"Ok Ms. Benson, everything looks good," Dr. Wilder said.

"Really?" she asked excitedly.

"Yep. You are all clear. Of course I want you to let me know if you start to have any headaches, bleeding or anything abnormal but other than that you are good to go."

"That's great news."

"So all clear for everything?" Elliot asked trying to be discrete.

"Yes Elliot for every…..thing," the doctor said pronouncing each syllable and wiggling her eyebrows.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Dr. Wilder please excuse him and his libido."

"It's ok dear. There's nothing wrong with a healthy sex life with the one you love," she said while writing in her chart.

"See there Liv. It's almost like doctor's orders."

"Keep telling yourself that Stabler," she laughed and slapped his shoulder.

"My nurse will call you next week to set up your first set of tests for the baby for the first trimester. We will do the test in about three weeks when you are at eleven weeks. Any other questions?"

Olivia and Elliot looked at each other before nodding their heads no.

"Ok see you in a few weeks."

XXXXXX

"How about we go out for dinner tonight?" Olivia asked. "You know to celebrate."

"Or we could just get right to the good stuff," he proposed.

"Elliot, I want a date night redo before all that craziness happened."

"A redo?"

"Yeah. The night I got called in I was going to take you to dinner to tell you about the baby and then we were going to go to a hotel and celebrate."

"You were going to do all of that?" he asked surprised.

"Of course. How many times do you get the chance to tell the man you love that he knocked you up?" she joked.

"Good point."

"It's kind of short notice Benson, do you think you can pull the plans off again?"

"I'm pretty sure I can."

"Ok well Date Night Redo it is."

XXXXXX

Olivia managed to get a reservation at the same restaurant and hotel that she booked a few weeks prior. She wanted to put on the same dress but was surprised to already find it a little tighter than it was just two weeks ago.

"What the hell? This can't be right," she said trying to pull up the zipper. Her stomach wasn't that much bigger but the dress definitely showed the growth in her cleavage.

Lucy knocked on the door and peeked in. "Ok if I come in?"

"Of course. Does this look ok?" Olivia asked turning around and looking at herself from different angles in the mirror.

"You look gorgeous Olivia. I think Elliot is definitely going to appreciate this region," Lucy said pointing to her breasts.

"I'm sure he is," she laughed. "Ok, so we will be back in the morning…or maybe around noon. No later than noon for sure."

"No worries Olivia. Stay as late as you need. Me and Noah will be just fine."

Lucy started to fidget anxiously and Olivia got a little nervous.

"Lucy you ok?"

"I wanted to run something by you but I didn't want to upset you."

"Come here, sit down," Olivia said pointing down to the edge of her bed. She waited patiently for Lucy to express what was going on.

"Well Richard asked me out and I wasn't sure how you would feel about that. I didn't know if that would be a conflict of interest," she asked apprehensively.

"Richard?" Olivia asked perplexed.

"Elliot's oldest son."

"Ohhh Dickie. I forget his name is Richard," Olivia laughed. "Honey that's just fine."

"Really?!" Lucy asked surprised. "I thought you would be a little bothered."

"Lucy, if there is one thing I can't argue with is the appeal of Stabler men. I totally get it. But can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Please be careful. Stabler men are gorgeous, intense and protective, but also happen to be the most fertile beings on the planet. Trust me I know," she said putting her arm around her neck and they laughed together.

XXXX

An hour later, Elliot and Olivia were sitting in the restaurant preparing to order their food. Olivia was browsing the menu while Elliot was browsing her dress.

"Eyes on the menu Stabler."

"Why? I already know what I have a taste for," he said licking his lips.

"Can you behave for at least an hour so we can get through dinner?"

"Ok ok. I'll try."

They managed to order their entrees and conversation began to flow freely and steer away from the sexual overtone of the night.

"So how do you feel about being a grandpa and a dad at the same time?" she asked seriously.

"I think it's interesting but so is my life and so is everything right now," he said with a smile.

"And that is a non answer."

He smirked at her calling him out but the truth is he didn't quite know how he felt. He was happy for Maureen because he knew how hard they had been trying to have a baby but he worried about having his daughter and the woman he loved pregnant at the same time. He wanted to help take care of them both and worried that he would be stretched too thin.

"I'm worried that I won't have time to take care of both of you and I'm worried that it is going to affect how Maureen feels about you being pregnant. But other than that, I think it's a great blessing. More kids, more family. What could be wrong with that?"

"Well maybe we could wait a little longer to tell them," she suggested. "Maybe until I'm out of the first trimester just to make sure everything…"

He reached across the table and took her hand, "Hey everything is going to be fine. Valentine's Day is going to come and we will be holding a little baby in our arms with hopefully your good looks and my charm."

"Oh geez. Well just so you know the consensus among everyone I've told is that the world should be concerned about a Benson/Stabler combination taking on this world," she joked still holding his hand.

"I can see how that could be concerning, yes."

She played with his hands and stared at him for a while, still not believing that they were together and she was carrying his child.

The candles on the table contrasting with the low light of the restaurant made her face glow and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with how beautiful she was.

"Whatcha staring at Benson?" he asked.

"You."

"Well I know that. Why are you staring?"

"Because at this moment I'm trying to reconcile how it is even remotely possible to be as in love with a person as I am with you," she said honestly.

"Welcome to my world Benson. I try to figure that out everyday," he said kissing her hand.

"El? Do you mind if we order dessert to go?" she asked with a gleam in her eyes.

"Absolutely not!"

With their dessert in hand, Olivia and Elliot walked across the street to the hotel and quickly checked in. She thought back to when she surprised him in DC the first time they were intimate and how anxious he was when he led her back to his place. He was no less eager this time and his intense need and want for her was gratifying.

Once they made it to the room, Olivia sat down her purse and Elliot began to remove his tie.

"No please let me," she said stepping closer to him before removing her heels.

She slowly took off his tie while his hands rested on her hips. She then moved to take off his shirt kissing every inch of his chest that was exposed with every button that became undone.

"Liiiv," he moaned in that way that always sent chills to her spine and wetness in between her legs. She could already feel his erection against her thigh but she continued to take her time with him. She reached for his belt and unbuckled it while he showered the top of her head with kisses. Once she took of his belt and unbuttoned his pants she reached inside and began to stroke him tenderly. His head immediately arched back and let out a deep groan.

"Liv baby….you..you gotta stop. I don't want to come in your hand," he choked out between panting.

"It's ok. You can come as many times as you want," she whispered in his ear. "We have allll night. You and me. Celebrating our baby," she said kissing up his chest. "That we created." She kissed him again. "All night."

He rested his forehead against hers as he gave in to her stroking him. She pulled his pants down and dropped to her knees in front of him. Without a word she put his length into her mouth and moved slowly back and forth. She relaxed her throat in order to take him all the way in.

"Fuck." Elliot spat and put his hand in her hair and she moved her head back and forth on him. "Liv I'm gonna….you gotta move baby," he struggled to say but it only pushed her on more and he exploded in her mouth. She took in every drop that he gave her and kissed the tip before standing back up.

He struggled to regain his composure and then pulled her into a deep kiss. "You are fucking amazing," he said tasting himself on her lips. Before she could respond he picked her up bridal style taking her by surprise and walked her over to the bed.

He set her down on the edge of the bed and unzipped her dress revealing black lace bra and panties with garter belts.

"You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid my eyes on," he said looking at her from head to toe. "I don't know how I got so lucky." He made quick work of the garters and left her in her bra and panties as he stood in front of her naked taking in every inch of her.

He lifted her right leg and starting with her feet he began to kiss up her leg and thigh and repeated the motion on the left leg as well before settling at her underwear. He kissed over them and could smell her arousal and feel how wet she was. He skipped up to her face and began to kiss her deeply leaving her lips swollen. She looked at him through hooded eyes and he made his way down her neck, sucking, nipping and biting which she was sure would leave marks. He then pulled down her bra straps and focused his attention on her full breasts. Her nipples were straining against her bra and when he released them he immediately took one in his mouth. Olivia bucked and moaned at the sensation of his hot mouth on her hard nipples.

"That feels so good baby," Olivia moaned.

"Mmmm," he said in response. The vibration making her wetter than she already was. He switched from one breast to the other and it was driving her crazy.

"El please," she begged.

"Oh no baby. I'm nowhere near done with you."

She sighed in defeat and pleasure as he made his way down pausing when he reached her stomach. "I love you," he whispered against her belly to their baby inside of her and placed a lingering kiss there. He slowly pulled her underwear down her thighs and buried his face in the apex of her thighs. Olivia cried out in pleasure and he held her thighs in place to stop her movements.

"Oh my god, that, don't stop," she screamed.

He pushed one then two fingers inside of her and that it was all it took to send her over the edge. She was still coming down from her orgasm when he pushed himself inside her. She yelled out again and buried her head in his shoulder trying to muffle her sounds.

"Oh no baby. Let me hear you," he said enticing her along. "You feel so good. So tight for me."

They settled into a perfect rhythm with Olivia meeting him thrust for thrust. Elliot was trying to hold on but knew he didn't have much longer. He switched his angle and began to hit her clit directly and he immediately felt her start to clench around him.

"Elliot!" she screamed.

"That's it baby. Let it go."

She dug her fingernails into his back almost drawing blood as her second orgasm swept over her and was more intense than the first. "Fuck Liv," he cried out. He thrust into her a few more times before he filled her with his hot seed. They both lay for a few moments waiting for their breaths to calm down and their heart rate to return to normal.

He usually laid on her after they made love, but didn't want to put his weight on her because of the baby. They laid together side by side for a few moments each not saying anything but basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Elliot's hand rested on her stomach and began to rub back and forth.

"I think it's a girl," he said out of the blue.

"You what?" she asked in delight.

"I think it's a girl."

"Now you sound like Fin."

"Fin said it's a girl?"

"Yep. He actually said baby girl is having a baby girl", she said doing her best impression of Fin that was spot on and made them both laugh.

"I have something for you," Olivia said.

"You just gave me plenty," he joked kissing her shoulder.

"I know but I have a gift for you. Another gift."

She got up and reached inside her purse and pulled out an envelope.

"What's this?" he asked curiously.

"The night of our original date, I was going to give you a box with the pregnancy test in it to let you know that we were having a child. This gift is very similar to that. It's not a pregnancy test but…close."

"Okkkk," Elliot said confused.

He sat up and opened the envelope. When he saw the heading on the paper he immediately dropped it in disbelief. The paperwork read "Petition for Adoption"

He put his hand over his mouth as tears filled his eyes while he stared at the paper on the bed. He was so overcome with emotion that he didn't know what to say so Olivia said something instead.

"This is not a pregnancy test but this is a gift that's also giving you another child." She pulled his face to hers and made him lock eyes with her. "You are his daddy Elliot and he is your son, in every way that matters. This will make it official. This will make him a Stabler."

XXXXX

**Coming up: Liv goes back to work and they finally tell the Stabler kids about the baby.**


	39. Lieutenant Benson

Chapter 39: Lieutenant Benson

**A/N: I know it's been about a week but I promise I haven't abandoned the story. I got a few private messages from people concerned that I hadn't updated. I guess I spoiled you guys with the quick updates. Good news is I'm off the next week for my birthday so that means some updates are coming your way ****J**

Olivia arrived back to work the following Monday to smiles and supportive nods from everyone. The other detectives and officers didn't know she was pregnant but was happy to see her back in the office after being injured. She was glowing like she never had before between the baby in her belly, the love in her heart, her friends (or as she viewed them her family) and her son that would soon be Elliot's son. Life couldn't be greater she thought to herself as she put her bags and everything down on her desk.

As she began to arrange the files on her desk and get her office back in order from her short time away she thought back to the perfect night she shared with Elliot. He was truly overcome with emotion when he looked at the petition for adoption with his name, Noah's and Olivia's on there together. He asked her if she was sure and the tears in her eyes and the gentle kiss she placed on his lips was all the answer he needed.

They spent their final day together before she had to go back to work lounging around together with Noah and Eli. She did laundry while he played on the floor in the living room with the boys. He cooked lunch while she lay down for a bit, having to take more naps now that she was pregnant and her unborn child was taking more of her energy. When the boys went down for their afternoon nap, Elliot came to lay down beside her as she fell asleep. She could feel him gently rubbing her stomach as she drifted off to sleep. The small lingering doubts that crept in the back of her mind occasionally that he may be concerned about having another child went away with every stroke of his hand and every time he whispered 'I love you' to her belly.

They were settling into a comfortable place of domesticity that Olivia never thought she could get used to. Even when she lived with Cassidy, they were never home much at the same time so they never settled into a full routine. They were like ships passing in the night and on the weekends when they did have some time off they would always go somewhere to get out of the house. However, with Elliot they move around her apartment the same way they moved as partners in the streets of Manhattan in a perfect harmony and symmetry that others admired and couldn't begin to describe.

With her personal life in better shape than its ever been, she realizes she approaches her work day completely different. She feels like life can't get any better….and then Chief Dodds walks in.

"Sergeant Benson, I see you are back," he said in an indifferent tone.

"Indeed I am," she said in such a chipper tone that it threw him off for a second. She noticed his reaction and realized his visit was not for a good reason. "Surely you aren't here to be the welcome wagon though so what's on your mind?"

"A couple of things actually. I'm glad to see you are back but I wanted to talk about the situation that ended up with you being out in the first place."

She looks confused for a second. "The interrogation?"

"Yes. I understand that it was a long couple of days but why did you and Detective Rollins feel that it was okay for just the two of you to interrogate a hostile male witness alone?"

She flinches in response. Yes, there were protocols about two men interrogating a female suspect and vice versa in her case. However, usually that protocol was not enforced as closely when the Commanding Officer was involved and in high profile cases but this is where it was tough for her because she was one of the few female CO's.

"I understand that usually it is not the procedure but in this case there was pressure to get the case solved and I am the acting Commanding Officer of this unit. I made the call and I stand behind it. No one could've predicted that he would've reacted the way he did and I had Detective Carisi watching the interrogation the entire time," she said while standing up to defend herself.

"Did you not have any other male detectives who could've helped with the interrogation?"

She could've taken the time to explain to him that Fin was there and sleeping because he had been on duty too long or that Carisi was too junior to take on such a tough interrogation but she decided not to. She felt confident enough in herself and her leadership abilities to not constantly have to explain herself over every little thing that went wrong.

"I have other male detectives in this unit, yes. But as I said I made the call. I feel it was the right one. I'm also feeling better. Thank you for asking," she said pointedly. He visibly recoiled and she knew to gain his respect she was going to have to continue to handle him this way. In the past she was always the wrong kind of defensive with him and over explained and he would just rip her to shreds. She wasn't standing for it anymore.

"Ok. Your unit. Your decision. We just don't like to see any of our people getting hurt in the line of duty," he said. She was taken aback that he gave in so easily but relieved just the same.

"Duly noted." She sat back down and began to power up her computer.

"Oh and one more thing," he said reaching into his pocket. "This is for you. I figured it was worth delivering personally."

He handed her an envelope that she didn't recognize right away until she opened the inside and looked at the results.

"Congratulations. You are officially Lieutenant Benson. You are no longer acting Commanding Officer, you are the official Commanding Officer of Manhattan's Special Victims Unit."

Olivia looked between him and the letter not really knowing what to say and even more surprised that he brought her test results to her personally.

"You finished number 7 out of 6,000. There will be special recognition of that at the ceremony next week." He turned to walk out before adding, "and uhh keep up the good work."

As he left her office, she saw the eyes of her team follow him briefly but she was so overwhelmed that she sat back down in her chair and put her head in her hands. Fin misread her body language and thought that something was wrong.

"Hey Liv, everything ok?" he asked peeking his head in her door.

"Everything's fine," she said with tears in her eyes.

"Oh no, what's wrong?" he asked shutting the door and rushing right over to her.

She was still crying so she simply handed him the paper and wiped her eyes with tissue trying to settle herself.

"Liv this says you are Lieutenant now. You finished number 7," Fin said half confused at her crying and half proud.

"I know," she said between sobs. "It's these damn hormones. I can't stop crying at the smallest things. I'm just happy that it's over."

He laughed and reached out to pull her into her a hug. "I'm proud of you baby girl. Or should I say Lieutenant baby girl."

"As long as you just say that where no one else can hear you," she said through tears and laughter.

"How did he take it when you told him you were going on desk duty?"

She gave him a guilty look and he stood up in frustration. "Liv, come on now."

"I know Fin I know. I'm going to tell them and put the papers in. I just didn't want to tell him now when he was basically trying to question my decision making about taking part in the interrogation."

He just looked at her and his facial expression told her that he agreed.

"Are you serious Fin? Do you agree with him?"

"I agree with him but for very different reasons. Look Liv, I think you are as capable as anyone out there. Hell on a given day I would be concerned that you could even kick my ass but you are pregnant now. You have to be more careful," he said sincerely trying to reason with her.

"Now you sound like Elliot," she conceded rolling her eyes. "I know I have to be more careful and I plan to be. Just because I didn't tell him about it today doesn't mean that I won't be on self imposed desk duty. I just want to wait until after the ceremony when everything is really official."

Fin nodded his head in agreement knowing that he would keep an eye on her to make sure she kept her word so he wasn't too worried.

"The ceremony is just a plaque and a formality. You know that."

"I know. Just don't want to take the chance that he tries some funny business if he hears I'm pregnant now."

"I hear ya. So what time is the ceremony? I already have my Sunday's best picked out," he joked.

"Fin you don't have to come. Those ceremonies are long and boring and I appreciate you suffering through the Sergeant one." She felt guilty that they all felt compelled to be at her last one when even Cassidy didn't show up. Even though he and Amanda were called out on a case, she appreciated their support.

"No way. I'm coming to this. What time?"

"It's at 2pm next Friday."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he said walking to her office door. "Hey guys come in here for a sec."

He called out to Amaro, Carisi and Rollins who were standing near by.

"Fin what are you doing?" she asked confused.

"Everyone I would like to formally introduce to you Lieutenant Olivia Benson, Commanding Officer of Manhattan's Special Victims Unit." He and Amaro gave her the same salute that Fin gave her after the Sergeant's ceremony a year ago when she officially became their boss and they all clapped.

"Ok Ok enough."

"Congrats Liv, there wasn't any doubt," Amaro said giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Good job sar—wait now I have to come up with something else to call you," Carisi added.

"Uhh yeah because Lieut just sounds stupid," Amanda chimed in teasing him as she often did.

"I'm sure you all have bigger fish to fry other than figuring out what nickname to call me or I'm really not doing my job. So since you are all in here, why don't you all brief me on everything that's going on."

XXXXXX

Olivia arrived home at a normal hour for the first time in a long time in an effort to prove to Elliot that things were going to change now that she was pregnant and she wouldn't be working long hours.

Elliot's face lit up at the sight of her walking through the door. Every time he saw her walk in a room he looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time.

"You're actually home at 5:30. I'm shocked and amazed," he said pulling her into a long languid kiss.

She pulled back from him a little breathless. "I told you that I would be taking it easy from now on and I meant it."

She set her belongings down and headed over to Noah who was on the floor playing with his toys. He reached his arms up for her to pick him up and she kissed his hair.

"I made something simple for dinner tonight. Just baked chicken and veggies. Trying not to upset your stomach," he said rubbing her stomach.

"I was actually thinking we could go out tonight and celebrate."

"What are we celebrating?"

With Noah on her hip she placed her other arm around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. "We are celebrating me finishing number 7 out of 6000 people on my Lieutenant's exam." She moved to his neck but he pulled her back in surprise.

"Number 7, honey that is amazing." He hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head.

"So I get to take Lieutenant Benson out to dinner tonight hunh?" he asked wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Yes you do."

"Should I invite the kids? Do you want to call the squad and have them meet us there?" He was clearly excited for her and wanted to make it a big event.

"No no. Tonight I want it to be just the three of us. They are all coming next week to the ceremony and we are going out after. I don't want to make this a big thing that takes up everyone's time."

He gave her a knowing smile and didn't argue with her. This was who Olivia was and who she would always be. Someone who would give more of herself than she ever expected in return and someone who never wanted to be in the limelight despite all of the things she accomplished in her career. He never could quite reconcile how she couldn't see just how amazing she was but that's what made her so humble and what made him love her the most.

That evening the three of them went to eat at a simple restaurant a few blocks from Olivia's apartment. The weather was decent so Olivia suggested they walk. He held her hand while Noah rested on his shoulders clapping with glee. Over dinner she told him about the special recognition she was set to receive at the ceremony and he beamed with pride. She really had flourished professionally over the past four years and although he felt sadness that he was not there to witness it, he was happy to finally be a part of it now.

XXXXX

After fighting off nausea at the house that morning, Olivia was now fidgeting in her seat waiting for the ceremony to be over. She drank some flat, room temperature ginger ale right before they left and a little before the ceremony but was unsure how long it would hold her over. She even struggled to get her uniform to fit over her breasts and her stomach that was starting to pop a little bit but she managed to make it work.

The words from the podium were all running together and she tried to keep her focus straight ahead so she wouldn't get dizzy.

"How long is this ceremony going to be?" an impatient Dickie asked.

"It's only been thirty minutes so far," Elliot laughed. "They haven't even really gotten started yet."

Eli kept himself busy playing games on Elliot's phone. Noah started to wiggle around in Elliot's lap and was getting restless.

"I'm right there with you man," Dickie said to Noah.

"Shhhh." Lizzie was getting annoyed with Dickie's constant talking and at the end of the row Maureen was looking a little pale. She too was fighting off nausea due to her pregnancy but made it a point to be there for the ceremony and for Olivia. The squad sat behind them and was hoping they wouldn't get called away like they did for her Sergeant's ceremony.

"Unbelievable," Nick said annoyed looking behind him.

Fin and Amanda turned around to look in the direction he was. "What?"

"Cassidy's here," he whispered out of earshot of Elliot.

"That asshole couldn't make it to the ceremony when he was her boyfriend but now he makes it a point to be here," Amanda said.

"Maybe he's here for someone else," Carisi reasoned.

"What asshole?" Dickie asked, that word obviously grabbing his attention. Elliot turned around too and Amanda immediately panicked and lied.

"Nothing."

"Come on Amanda, who's the asshole?" Elliot prodded. As soon as he asked the question he locked eyes with Cassidy. Before he could make any kind of response, the deputy commissioner's voice grabbed his attention.

"Of our service men and women honored here today, there are a select few that we would like to recognize. They finished in the top 10 of 6,128 people who tested. I'm proud to announce that three of the top 10 were in this district and a part of today's ceremony. Lieutenant Benjamin Anderson of Manhattan's Narcotics Unit." He pauses and the older man comes on stage and collects his plaque, shakes hands and poses for pictures. Assuming that they are going in alphabetical order everyone gets ready to hear Olivia's name.

"She's coming up next. Dickwad do you have the camera?" Lizzie asks in anticipation.

"I have it covered," Lucy says putting her hand on his knee.

"Oh geez," Lizzie groans and rolls her eyes.

"Would you guys chill out?" Maureen says annoyed. "We need to get ready."

Olivia steadies herself to get ready to walk on stage next. She's shaking with worry that she will be a little wobbly on her feet and trip but she looks in the crowd and briefly spots everyone before her name is called and it's all the strength she needs to walk up on stage confidently.

"Lieutenant Olivia Benson of Manhattan's Special Victims Unit," he announces.

While she salutes the commissioner and accepts her plaque she hears the deafening screams of her squad and family cheering her on. When she poses for her picture she looks out in the crowd and is almost brought to tears seeing Elliot bounce a clapping Noah up and down and Lizzie and Dickie in unison for once yelling "Go Olivia" as if they are at a basketball game. Her squad is clapping animatedly and then she locks eyes with Elliot. This moment is a stark contrast to her ceremony a year and a half ago when the only person in the crowd when she received her plaque was Nick. It was a testament to how much her life has changed. Elliot doesn't have to hide in the shadows of the people so she won't see him silently cheering her on. Instead he is in plain view for her and the world to see, with their son in his arms and a look of nothing but pure love and admiration in his eyes.

**Coming up: The kids really do find out about the baby next chapter, just couldn't fit it into this one. Elliot tries to moves forward with adoption paperwork for Noah but there may be a snag…. **


	40. What about you?

Chapter 40: What about you?

After the ceremony, Fin gave Olivia a quick heads up that Cassidy was present and she hurried to move Elliot past him without any incident. The last thing she wanted was a scene in front of other police personnel and she really had no idea why he was even there. She didn't want to be conceited and assume it had anything to do with her. He knew other people in the force that could've been getting promoted that day as well. He gave her a crooked smile that she didn't acknowledge and moved to the lobby where she said goodbye to the team. They had to return to work since she wouldn't be in for the rest of the day.

"That was two hours of my life that I will never get back but I would only go through that for you," Nick said with a lopsided grin.

"Thanks Nick."

"See you later L-T," Carisi said and everyone stopped to look at him awkwardly. "Oh that's the nickname I came up with."

"Good grief," Amanda said rolling her eyes. "Congrats Liv, see you later."

With just Elliot, Lucy and the kids in tow they decided on a restaurant to go have an early dinner to celebrate and to finally tell them about the baby. Although Lucy and Dickie were seeing each other "casually" as Lucy described it, she kept the secret about Olivia's pregnancy.

Olivia managed to get past her feelings of nausea when the ceremony was over but Maureen was suffering a bit more and it was evident. By the time they made it to their table she had already gone to the bathroom twice to throw up but was determined to stay as long as she could to celebrate with the family. As they sat down and everyone started going through their menus, Olivia was growing more and more nervous about sharing their pregnancy news with the kids. It was a good thing they seemed to all be in good spirits. She was squirming in her seat from the nervousness and her uniform was getting more and more uncomfortable.

"Are you ok?" Elliot asked concerned. "You look…"

"Uncomfortable?" she finished for him.

He smirked at her, "Well yeah."

"This uniform is killing me," she wiggled around and finally just unbuttoned the top button of her pants and took off the jacket pulling the shirt underneath down past her pants. The relief was immediate and she let out a deep satisfied sigh.

"Better?"

"Much better." He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek and then one on the lips.

"And there he goes again," Dickie chimed in. "Really dad you just cant keep your hands to yourself can you?"

"Well apparently neither can you," Elliot countered looking at Dickie's arm across Lucy's chair and his body language leaning in to her.

"Good one dad," Lizzie cheered.

Olivia ultimately intervened. "Ok ok enough teasing. Your dad and I have some news."

She placed her hand on Elliot's knee for encouragement hoping he would be the one to actually say the words. He paused for a moment but soon the weight of all the eyes on the table were on him.

"Well," he started by putting his arms around Olivia's chair, "Olivia and I are having a baby….she's pregnant."

"What?!" Lizzie screamed. "How is that even possible?"

"Uhh Liz, didn't mom have that conversation with you?" Dickie said laughing.

"What's so funny?" Elliot asked as Lizzie continued to look on in shock.

"You dad. You are unbelievable but congratulations. I can't say I'm surprised."

"Why aren't you surprised?"

"Because of how you are always all over her alllll the time. It was just a matter of time," he added while Olivia blushed.

"Ew!" Lizzie exclaimed. "Don't say anything like that ever again."

"Dad what does pregnant mean?" Eli asked.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Maureen said running to the bathroom. Jason got up to go after her but Olivia stopped him.

"No, please let me."

"Dad what does pregnant mean?" Eli prodded again.

"It means that you are going to have another little brother or sister sport," he answered.

"Really? But I just got Noah. I'm going to have another one?" he asked excited.

"Yes you are which means you have a big job ahead of you. You are going to be a big brother to two siblings. You think you are up to the job?"

Eli thought for a little bit as if he was truly weighing his options. "I think I'm up to it dad."

"I figured you were," he said ruffling the little boy's hair. "Liz, honey are you ok?"

"Yeah. Dad no offense, but isn't Olivia a little you know…older to be having a baby?" she whispered. She truly meant no harm but she was concerned.

"She is and we recognize that but she's got a really good doctor and we are going to get some extra testing done to make sure we are as informed as possible about the baby's health before he or she gets here," he said holding her hand. "It's going to be ok."

"Ok then. Well congrats. I need to tell Olivia. I don't want her to think I'm not happy about it it's just that…"

"I know honey."

They all had the same concern. Losing another child would be heartbreaking to Elliot and could be the straw that breaks the happiness and stability that they were working so hard to build and maintain.

Olivia stood outside of the bathroom stall waiting for Maureen to finish throwing up. For a second, she thought the smell and sound of her vomiting was going to make her sick too but she fared at holding it together. When Maureen eventually emerged from the stall she looked embarrassed and really tired.

"Here you go," Olivia said handing her a wet cloth. "I started carrying one around with me and it helps."

"Thanks."

She put the cloth on her head and leaned against the bathroom counter trying to steady her breathing.

"Maureen I'm sorry if this news upsets you," Olivia started but Maureen put her hand up to stop her. She struggled a little longer to catch her breath before she started talking and turned on the faucet to splash cold water on her face.

"I already knew you were pregnant. That's not what made me sick. I've been feeling like crap all day."

"You did?"

"Yeah mom told me about a week ago."

"Oh."

Olivia was disappointed that she wasn't the one to tell the kids but at least happy that her news isn't what upset Maureen.

"Don't worry she only told me because I kept poking her about what was wrong with her. She seemed a little off and I thought maybe it had something to do with Kathleen or something and she told me she was pretty sure that you were pregnant."

They were both leaning against the sinks with their backs turned to the mirror and arms folded.

"So how do you feel about that? You can be honest with me."

"Being pregnant at the same time as my stepmom, I mean it's a little odd. I feel like we are in the second Father of the Bride movie or something," she said with a sarcastic chuckle.

"Yeah I guess it is a bit unusual," Olivia agreed. "But how do you really feel?"

Lizzie walked in as Maureen was about to answer.

"Hey sis, you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Was just nauseous… again!"

"Liv?" Lizzie said turning her attention to Olivia. "I want you to know I really am excited about the baby…I'm just a little nervous."

"Me too," Maureen admitted.

"Why?"

"My dad can't lose another child. We can't…. I just want to make sure that everything is going to be alright," Lizzie said bowing her head to hide her tears that threatened to fall.

"Come here," Olivia said pulling her into a hug and Maureen rubbed Liz's back while trying to help explain their mindset.

"We don't want to come off overly worried and scare you Olivia. There are just risks you know with your..age," she said uncomfortably. "We are just worried about you and the baby. That nothing happens to either one of you because my dad would just…die. He would die, I know it."

"Girls listen, I know this is a lot to take in. I know there are risks," she started to explain.

"Dad told me that your doctor was really good and that you are getting tests done," Lizzie spoke up. "He must be a little worried too because he didn't want mom to have any genetic tests done when she was pregnant with Eli because of our religion."

"We are both concerned. But I'm not going to stress worrying about what I don't know because that's not good for the baby either. I'm going to take it day by day. I'm almost through my first trimester and so far so good. I'm due on Valentine's day and according to your dad there's no need to worry because we will be holding a healthy baby girl on or a little before that day."

"A girl?" Lizzie asked wiping her tears.

"He's so sure it's a girl," Olivia said rolling her eyes.

Maureen and Lizzie exchanged glances as if making a silent agreement to one another to not worry.

Olivia's stomach started to rumble loudly and broke the seriousness of the moment.

"Well it sounds like someone's a little hungry," Maureen said reaching out to touch her stomach and Lizzie touched it as well. She realized she was going to have to get used to people touching her belly especially as she got further along in the pregnancy.

"Come on let's go eat."

As Olivia sat down, the guys were heckling each other and Elliot was watching her to see if everything was ok. With a gleam in her eyes and their unspoken communication she assured him that everything was fine. They were only halfway through their news to the kids and they were both already feeling overwhelmed. However, Elliot wanted to get all of the news out of the way at once and not drag it on any longer. He paused while the waiters sat down the plates in front of everyone waiting patiently.

Once they walked away he jumped right in.

"We have some more news," he announced.

"You guys are getting married. I knew it!" Lizzie yelped.

Olivia's face fell and turned a little pale at her outburst and Elliot shifted uncomfortably.

"No that's not the news," he said noticing Olivia's reaction. "I am going to adopt Noah. So we will have yet another Stabler to add to the family."

"And that's it?" Dickie asked.

"Well yeah."

"Dad for future reference. Maybe you should start off with the less obvious news first and then maybe you would get a different reaction. We just sort of figured that would happen when he called you daddy."

"But congrats on that news too," Lizzie added.

"Congrats on everything Ms. Benson and Mr. Stabler," Jason added politely.

"Thanks Jason."

"So let me get this straight. You are adopting Noah, you two are having a baby and you are not getting married?" Maureen asked confused. "Why?"

Elliot and Olivia were both quiet. He wanted her to say something to explain why they weren't getting married or hadn't talked about it. The truth is he had been thinking a lot about it. He had been thinking about it since he and Olivia started dating but he didn't want to scare her off. Every time he thought of bringing up the topic he got nervous and hadn't tried since. Now he was at the table facing his harshest critics, his kids, and he had no answers.

"Can I get anyone anything else?" the waitress interrupted and Olivia visibly relaxed at the change of topic.

"Can I get some more water?"

"Me too," Elliot followed her lead.

"Are you excited about the news that Noah will be your little brother?" he asked Eli trying to deflect the topic.

"I thought he already was," Eli answered while continuing to eat his food unphased.

"See," Dickie said.

"Well anyway, it's all good news. I'm happy for you both. Elliot you have been nothing but a ray of sunshine for Olivia and Noah since you came back around and she's never been happier. I look forward to taking care of another baby," Lucy added giving Olivia a knowing look.

_Yep she's definitely getting a raise. Goes into effect tomorrow_, Olivia thought to herself. She bailed her out again from another uncomfortable situation.

"Thank you Lucy, that means a lot," Elliot responded.

"Welcome to the family little Noah soon to be Stabler," Maureen said squeezing his cheeks and the little boy laughed and slapped at her hands.

The rest of the dinner went on smoothly. They talked and joked and enjoyed the rest of the night staying for much longer than they originally anticipated.

XXXX

Later that night while lying in bed Elliot was still reeling from the marriage conversation earlier and wanted to mention it but it was clear that Olivia was exhausted. While she put Noah down to sleep he took a shower and was already in bed by the time she came to join him. He was ready to have a serious conversation about their future until his mind was completely blurred by her appearance when she emerged from the bathroom after her shower.

Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she was wearing a thin white tank top and panties. She was not wearing a bra and that coupled with her swelling breasts and erect nipples made Elliot's dick twitch under the covers. He could tell she was exhausted and not trying at all to be sexy but as usual she didn't have to try hard to be beautiful and irresistible. Because her belly was beginning to slightly show the tank top was riding up and didn't cover her completely as it once used to. She got in bed and rested her head on his shoulder leaning in for a good night kiss.

"I think everything went well today don't you think?"

"Yeah I was surprised at how well the kids took it but you and the girls were in the bathroom for awhile."

She had to laugh at herself that they still both referred to them as girls even though it was clear that they were all grown up.

"They were worried. About me and the baby, the risks, you know all the stuff we talked about. Maureen already knew I was pregnant. Kathy told her."

Elliot exhaled deeply trying to decide if it bothered him but he wasn't entirely surprised.

"She said Kathy was upset one day and she asked her what was wrong and Kathy said she thought I was pregnant."

"I guess I should call her then?" Elliot asked nervously. He still felt some sense of responsibility for Kathy's emotional well being even though they were divorced because he was pretty sure he was the cause either directly or indirectly for a lot of the pain she felt.

"Yeah you probably should. To tell her about the baby and about Noah. I think it's important that she knows. If we want all of this to work, we need her to be on board and keep the relations positive you know?"

"I agree. I'll call her tomorrow," he said kissing her on the forehead. He took a chance and started to kiss down her face before landing on her mouth. As he kissed her his hand stroked the bare skin exposed from her tank top and slowly moved up.

Olivia's hand moved down his chest to his underwear where she found him erect and ready for her. She chuckled at the evidence of his desire.

"I see someone has something on their mind," she said in a low, sexy voice that Elliot was becoming more and more infatuated with.

"I know you are tired baby. We don't have to."

"Shhh," she said putting her long finger up to his lip. "I want to. I want to so much." She licked his bottom lip before taking it into her mouth and kissing him deeply. He rolled on top of her and began to trail kisses down her abdomen and sucked her erect nipples through her tank top. Her breasts were more sensitive than usual so every lick and nip on them sent electricity shooting down to her core. By the time he took off her tank top and pulled down his underwear she was so wet that her legs were glistening. She writhed underneath him as he continued to suck on her neck, tease her breasts and place kisses on her belly. He looked at her stomach in wonder as he pulled down her panties.

"If it's too much, please tell me," he whispered against her.

"El I need you now please," she begged. Her head was back on the pillow and her eyes were screwed shut. She was aching with need and she was in no mood to be handled with care. He had turned her on so much and all she wanted was for him to fuck her…hard.

"Whatever you say Lieutenant."

They both groaned as he slid in to her. She spread her legs wider to accommodate him and he was moving with slow, deep strokes. She knew she wasn't going to last long and wanted more of him.

"Shit baby, you feel so good," he whispered in her ear as he continued to move.

"Harder El, please," she managed to choke out. She put her hands on his ass to pull him in deeper and to encourage him.

He pulled out of her and she was ready to protest before she realized what he was doing. He turned her over and guided her on to her knees with her head resting on the pillow. He spread her legs and gently placed a finger into her folds. She moaned loudly and grasped onto her pillow in pleasure.

Satisfied that she was ready for him, he grabbed her hips and slowly slid into her folds from behind.

"Fuck," she groaned into the pillow.

Elliot pulled all the way out before slamming into her harder.

"Ahhh," she screamed.

"Shit Liv," he gritted out. He kept thrusting into her until he felt her start to clench around him.

"I'm about to.." and before she could finish her sentence her orgasm spread through her.

"Yes, that's it. Come for me Liv," he said pulling every inch of her orgasm from her and sending himself flying high in the process. His strokes slowed down as he continued to pour himself into her and her muscles continuously spasmed around him.

Once their breathing became regulated they fell onto the bed exhausted. He pulled the cover over them as he snuggled his chest against her back and again rested his hands on her belly.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?" she answered her voice full of sleep.

"Since Noah will be a Stabler then the baby will too right?" he asked.

"Of course," she said. "Why were you thinking Benson-Stabler for the baby's last name?" she joked.

"No. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page."

"We are baby. We always are."

He kissed her shoulder as she positioned herself into the crux of the pillow to get more comfortable.

"So the baby will be a Stabler and Noah will be a Stabler…" he started. "And what about you?"


	41. Oops he did it again

Chapter 41: Oops…he did it again

_And what about you?_

"Liv? Liv did you hear me?"

Olivia stared straight ahead borderline panicking. She didn't know if she should act like she was asleep or not to avoid the conversation altogether. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I heard you."

"Do you plan on answering?"

She turned to face him all signs of her exhaustion now faded away.

"You want me to be a Stabler?" she asked.

"More than anything," he answered genuinely. He could tell she was still processing and he rubbed her hair and caressed her face while he continued. "Liv, this..us is everything to me. I have been thinking about us getting married since the day you walked back in to my life and if I'm being honest I thought about it a lot earlier than I should have. I know it's soon and I know we have so many changes going on right now between the adoption, the baby…" he was rambling on and the more he talked the more the tears welled up in her eyes and her panic started to dissolve. "I just…I know it's a lot. Just promise me you will think about it. Ok?"

"Ok. I promise."

He leaned over her and turned off the lamp while taking his place behind her and settled his body into hers to go to sleep.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah"

"I love you." It was all she could think of to say.

"I love you too."

He drifted off to a peaceful slumber satisfied that he said everything he wanted to say and that the ball was in her court. Olivia on the other hand was wide awake.

XXXX

The next morning he was up and moving about as normal. She was groggy and dragging. She watched the clock most of the night with her thoughts racing until around 5am she finally drifted off and it was an hour before her alarm went off.

Elliot could sense that she didn't sleep well so he took care of getting Noah ready and fixed her some tea since she couldn't have coffee. He was afraid that his proposal is what kept her up all night so he tried to tiptoe around her to find out if it in fact was the real reason.

"Good Morning," he said entering the bathroom while she stood near the sink with her head in her hands. "Are you sick?"

"No. I just didn't get much sleep and I'm exhausted. I'm sorry I'll be out of here in a second so you can use the bathroom to get ready."

There were bags under her eyes and she looked drained.

"I'm ok. I don't have to be on a conference call until later so take your time," he stood at the door threshold trying to think of what to say next. "Did the baby keep you up last night?"

"No. I'm fine," she snapped and didn't make eye contact with him.

He recognized that patented response from years of working with her and decided to back off. He knew it was the thought of marriage that kept her up last night and he didn't know how to feel about it. He knew that relationships scared her and so did commitment but he never thought that the idea of being with him forever would cause so much distress to her.

"Good Morning," Lucy said as she entered.

"Morning," Elliot responded in a clipped tone. "He's already been changed and ate a banana, he's still working on the cereal. I'm going to go ahead and head on out."

"Umm ok, is Olivia still here?" she asked slightly confused.

"Yeah she's still in the bathroom."

"Oh."

Lucy stayed quiet and just tended to Noah feeling the thick tension in the air. Elliot threw on some clothes, kissed Noah goodbye and left without saying anything to Olivia.

She finally emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later.

"Hey Elliot, have you seen my…oh hey Lucy I didn't hear you come in," she said surprised.

"Yeah Elliot left a few minutes ago."

"He did?"

Olivia was completely stunned that he would leave without saying goodbye to her and the look on Lucy's face told her that he left in a bad mood.

"Yeah."

"Oh ok, I was just looking for my black tank top but Ill find it," she said trying to recover.

She ran to her cell phone to call him but he didn't answer. She thought it was a fluke so she called again and he didn't answer so she left a voicemail.

"Hey," she said pausing not really knowing what to say. "I just…I love you. I guess that's all I wanted to say. Call me back please." By the time she got to the last words she had broken down and was in tears. This was the thing about herself that she hated. This is why her relationships always fell apart. She was fine until it was time to get to the next step and she couldn't handle it. The thought of marrying Elliot and having that marriage fall apart devastated her. She couldn't reconcile the thought that they would end up just like him and Kathy. She had gotten pregnant by accident and automatically he and his kids felt like they should get married. Everything he said to her the night before was true but she felt if it wasn't for their child there was no way he would've proposed so fast and that's what scared her more than anything. She didn't want him to repeat the same mistakes.

Once she dragged herself to work she kept checking her phone to see if she had a missed call or text message from him and there was nothing except a missed call from Trevor Langan. She was out of it during her morning meeting with the team but managed to play it off well enough that no one questioned her about it.

"Hey boss, Melinda just called and she has something for us on the Meyers rape. I'm going to head down there," Nick said.

"Actually Nick, I'll go down there and get briefed. You head out in the field with Carisi and question the teacher and janitor."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it gives me a chance to get out of the office and it's the closest to getting out in the field that I will get for quite a while," she smiled sarcastically.

"Ok. See you later."

At the ME's office, Olivia tried to keep everything strictly business with Melinda initially but she was dying for someone to talk to. Melinda could sense that something was wrong but like the professionals they were they took care of business first before diving into the real issue.

"Ok what's going on?" Melinda asked pulling off her gloves and pulling up one of her stools.

"Umm can we actually go to another room without a body in it?" Olivia pointed out.

"Of course."

Once they were settled in Melinda's office Olivia told her everything about the day before and about the proposal.

"Olivia honestly how are you shocked by this? Hell even we told you at lunch before you found out you were pregnant that the man was already thinking marriage."

"Yeah but the fact that he waited to do it now after the kids brought it up in reference to the baby coming it just makes me feel like oops..he did it again. He got a woman pregnant and is doing the responsible thing and making an honest woman out of her like he did with Kathy," she tried to reason.

"Is that really what the issue is Olivia? I mean really? If you weren't pregnant and he proposed, would you still be bothered?"

Olivia hesitated and they both knew the answer. This was Vintage Olivia.

"Everything is going so well Melinda. I don't want to rock the boat. I know what it's like to be Elliot's partner, to be his friend and to be his girlfriend. Being his wife I just…I don't know. I remember him and Kathy being more unhappy than not."

"But you said yourself Elliot was different then. I think the job had a lot to do with his marriage deteriorating and Olivia let's face it, you were too. I know we all want to tiptoe around that but the truth is Elliot's marriage didn't have a chance once you came along," she said being frank with her.

"I know all of this Melinda, he and I have had this conversation and I believe him. I believe all the reasons why his marriage didn't work and why it's different between the two of us so why is this so damn hard for me?" she asked pacing back and forth frustrated with herself.

"I think some of it is hormones and some of it is just you. You haven't seen a lot of successful relationships or been a part of one so you don't know what a healthy and happy marriage looks like. You have no point of reference and that's what scares you. You think you can't do this."

"I will screw this up Mel, I know I will. I always do. I already have. He's not even answering my calls," Olivia said in tears.

"It's called a fight Olivia. You should be used to those. You guys had them all the time. I know because I was there."

"It's different now though," she said sniffling.

"Well yes and no."

"What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"You think you haven't been part of a successful relationship before or seen one but you kinda have. You and Elliot already have one for sixteen years. That's longer than most people have.

"You call that successful? I didn't see the man for four years."

"No you didn't see him but he was there and you were there for him just in a different way. You took a break for very viable reasons, but you came back and are stronger than ever. We all see it. You are his lifeline and he is yours. So he's not answering your calls right now? So what? That man isn't going anywhere. If you never tell him yes and never marry him, he will still be right there."

"You think so?" Olivia asked trying to regain her composure.

Melinda handed her a tissue, "Yes."

Her cell phone started to vibrate in her pocket and she jumped up hopeful that it was Elliot.

"Is it him?" Melinda asked.

"No, it's Judge Linden….Benson."

"Hi Judge….yeah I have some time now. I'll be right there."

"Everything ok?"

"I don't know. She wants to talk about Elliot's adoption petition," she said taking a deep sigh. "I swear I can't have anything else go wrong today."

"Call me when you leave, let me know how things go ok?" she asked concerned.

XXXXX

"Sergeant Benson, good to see you. Or should I say Lieutenant. I heard the good news. Congratulations," the judge said standing up to greet Olivia as she entered.

"Thanks," she said nervously.

"I'm sure you are wondering why I called you down here," she said taking her seat and motioning for Olivia to sit down as well.

"Yes. You said there was an issue with Elliot's adoption of Noah," she said fidgeting with her hands.

"Well as you know having a non-spouse adopt a child is pretty rare and hardly ever granted unless there are circumstances where there is a long standing relationship. I knew that you and Mr. Stabler had been partners for over ten years so when I suggested that I would see you here again soon I felt comfortable that he would be in you and Noah's life long term," she explained.

"Of course he would be. Why wouldn't he?" she asked the question as if it were so simple but yet she struggled with that determination herself in her conversation with Melinda just a few minutes ago.

"Well I was troubled to learn that he abruptly left you a few years ago and you two had been out of touch for some time until just recently."

"How did you find out about that?" Olivia asked defensively.

"The petition has to go through several avenues before it's approved as you know and people talk," she said frankly. "Olivia, I was the one to tell you that I could see how much he loved you and Noah so I don't doubt that the love is there. I just want to make sure the long term commitment is there on his end for Noah's sake..and for yours."

Olivia was overcome with the paradox of this situation. She had ignored Elliot's proposal of a lifetime together and the judge was actually questioning _his _commitment.

"Judge, Elliot asked me to marry him. He is more committed to me and Noah than anyone could ever be. If he and I were to never get married, I know that he would never stop being Noah's father and he would always be there for me. You are right he disappeared for four years. I hope that same person that told you he and I didn't talk for four years told you why."

"No they didn't," she said careful not to give away the person's gender.

"He lost his daughter, his job, his marriage and almost his life in that short amount of time and in spite of all that he managed to bounce back and be the man you saw here that day with me when I adopted Noah. Strong, confident and ready to step up and be a father to a little boy that he didn't even know a year ago. They love each other so much already," she said with tears streaming down her face. "My son deserves a man that will fight for him and protect him at all costs. A man that will lay down his life for him and teach him how to be a respectful young man. Elliot has four other children who already call him their little brother so if you don't sign off on this petition, the only difference is that his last name won't legally be Stabler but Elliot is his father and we are already a family no matter what."

The judge watched Olivia closely as she gathered herself. She stayed silent for a few moments before speaking.

"Thank you Olivia. That was all I needed to hear."

"So you will sign off on the petition then?" she asked hopeful.

"Yes I will."

Olivia exhaled loudly and rested her hand on her chest to calm her heartbeat that was slamming in her ears.

"Thank you, thank you so much."

She hurried and grabbed her purse and coat as if the judge would change her mind if she stayed any longer.

"After the 90 day waiting period, I will send the final paperwork over to your attorney to finalize including the birth certificate and social security card with the name change," she explained.

"Thank you again."

"Oh and Olivia," the judge called after her just as she was about to walk out of the door. "You said he asked you to marry him. What did you say?"

XXXX

Leaving the judge's chambers feeling relieved, Olivia called Melinda and briefed her on what happened and then called Elliot again.

"Hey," he answered tentatively.

"Hey."

"Are you ok? Noah's ok?" he asks apprehensively.

"Yeah we are fine. Everybody's fine," she assures him.

He sighs heavily, "What's up Olivia?" He was clearly not interested in small talk.

"I just want to talk to you."

"Oh now you want to talk. This morning you didn't have two words for me, now you want to talk," he snapped back. He rubbed his hand down his face in frustration and tried to reel in his anger. His feelings were hurt and that's why he was lashing out but he didn't want to be immature about it. "Come over and we can talk."

"I'm already outside," she said and he could hear the smile in her voice. He couldn't help but smile himself when he looked out the window and saw her car parked.

"Well come in."

When he answered the door she saw those blazing blue eyes and threw herself into his arms.

"I'm so sorry Elliot, I'm so sorry," she said holding on to him for dear life. She was now full on sobbing and she didn't plan to be so emotional but one look at him and she was completely lost.

He didn't say anything as he held on to her and let her cry and get everything out. They were standing in his doorway and her chest was heaving with emotion.

"It's ok Liv," he said stroking her hair and kissing the side of her face waiting for her to calm down. "It's ok."

"No it's not. I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve how I treated you this morning and you didn't deserve my non-answer last night."

"Liv I know that the thought of marriage is foreign to you. I get it. Which is why I said I wanted you to think about it but instead you just gave me the cold shoulder and shut me out and that's not how a relationship is supposed to work," he said pulling her back so he could look her in the eyes.

"I know and I'm sorry."

"You said that already," he joked with her. "You are lucky that you are gorgeous and carrying my child or I may not have accepted your apology so easily," he said causing her to smile a little.

"Can I come inside?" she asked.

"I guess," he said pulling her in by her hand.

They settled on the couch and she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I just left Judge Linden's chambers. She called me about the adoption," she said. He jerked his head up with a panicked look on his face.

"It's ok. Everything's ok now," she assured him.

"What was wrong?"

"She said she had an issue with the adoption because non-spouses adopting is pretty rare unless there is a long established relationship that represents consistency," she started to explain. He visibly shifted his body when she said non-spouses and looked down at his hands.

"She knew we were partners for a long time and she was fine with that until she heard that there were four years that we didn't speak or see each other. She was worried about your sudden disappearance from my life."

"How did she hear about that?" he asked.

"I don't know but trust me I plan to find out," she said angrily but not wanting to concentrate on that. "Anyway I told her why you and I hadn't spoken during that time and she understood."

"Well good," he said simply. "So we are good to go with Noah's adoption? I mean….. if you still want to." He looked off into the distance not wanting to make eye contact concerned that maybe something changed.

She gently reached for his head and turned it so he could see how sincere she was. "Of course I want to and yes we are good. It will be finalized in 90 days. She's going to send everything over to Langan."

He nodded his head in acknowledgment.

"She was concerned about your commitment to me and to Noah," she approached cautiously and saw his eyes flash with a tinge of worry.

"I told her that commitment was the last thing she had to worry about with you. That you were more committed to me, to Noah and to your family than anyone I know," she said with tears starting to form again.

He watched her closely willing her to go on. He knows how hard it is for her to relay emotions and he is afraid that making any sudden move or saying anything will throw her off course.

"I told her that even if she didn't approve the adoption it didn't matter because me, you, Noah, Eli, Maureen, Dickie, Lizzie and Kathleen are already a family." Elliot's gaze dropped at the mention of Kathleen's name and he took her hand from his face and gently kissed it. "So…yes. My answer is yes. I want to be a Stabler and I want to get married…what about you?" she asked mimicking his question from the night before.

He grabbed her face in partial disbelief and partial happiness and put his forehead to hers breathing deeply.

"Are you sure? Are you really sure?" he asked.

"Yes Yes Yes!" she yelled for emphasis and he grabbed her and put her on his lap kissing her deeply.

They stopped kissing and he held her tight against him on the couch listening to their hearts beat in sync.

"You will be Mrs." He kissed under her right ear.

"Olivia" He kissed under her left ear.

"Stabler," he whispered in her ear as he kissed her neck. "I have waited so long to say that. Longer than you will ever know."

"Not as long as I have waited to hear it."

**Coming up: Who said something to the judge? It's time for Olivia's tests for the baby.**

**P.S. eorocks...tag you're it twice ;-)**


	42. Snakes

Chapter 42: Snakes

"Mhmm, El I have to get back to work," Olivia moaned as it was evident that Elliot was attempting to go for a second round of lovemaking. "I've been gone all morning, I have to get back to the office."

"Um hmm," he agreed while continuing to nip and suck on her neck. She chuckled at his insistence on ignoring her and groaned when he started to tease her already sensitive breasts.

After she agreed to marry him he quickly carried her to the bedroom where they consummated their engagement. It was now lunchtime and Olivia had been away from the office for hours.

"No one's called you, its lunch time and you are pregnant. No one's going to fault you for being away during this time," he said maneuvering himself on top of her. "All pregnant women need to eat right?"

"Yes..but I've been gone…all morning and you haven't fed me or our child," she struggled to say as she felt her body responding to him. The tip of his length was at her entrance when her phone rang.

"See I told you."

"Ugh," he groaned but didn't move.

She laughed and reached around his head to pick up the phone while he remained on top of her.

"Benson."

"LT sorry to interrupt your lunch but we need you back at the station in the next hour. The suspect's mom is on her way and she wants to talk to the person in charge," Carisi said.

"What's her pro…..uhh….ahhh problem?" she tried to stifle a moan as Elliot entered her. He continued to move at an agonizingly slow pace inside her while she was on the phone.

She shot him a death stare and tried to use her free hand to stop him but he slipped in deeper and she was struggling to keep her composure.

"You ok?" Carisi asked.

"Uhh..umm yeah I just hit my foot…. and it hurts and….look I'll be there to meet her."

"Ok, see you then and uhh LT? She won't be here for another hour soooo…..take your time," he said with a slight smile in his voice and hung up.

"I can't believe you!" She tried to slap him on the arm but now that she was off the phone he increased his speed pounding into her.

"I can't help myself. I love you so much," he whispered softly in her ear. His soft tone contradicting the feverish pace of their lower halves colliding together. His words made her irritation quickly fade and they went over the edge together struggling to catch their breaths.

"You're an asshole you know that?" She was still out of breath and having a hard time sounding truly upset.

"If that's the kind of orgasm I get from you when you are mad at me then I will gladly take it," he joked kissing her on the forehead and pulling out of her. "And I'm also the same asshole that you just agreed to marry and spend the rest of your life with."

His happiness was infectious and she was grinning from ear to ear.

"Well you sound pretty cheerful Stabler," she said rolling them over and now landing on top of him earning a laugh from him.

"I've never been happier," he said seriously with his blue eyes piercing her dark ones. He reached up and tugged her hair behind her ear and rubbed his fingers along her ring finger.

"El you don't have to," she began.

"I want to," he finished. He planned to call the girls as soon as she left to have them go ring shopping with him.

"And I think this is the wrong position for you to be in if you have to be at the office soon," he added breaking the serious tone of their conversation.

He was ready to grab her hips but she was too fast for him and hopped off of him and the bed.

"You are going to have to be faster than that to catch me old man," she joked running to the bathroom and locking the door.

"If you open this door I'll show you just how old I am."

He was standing at the door knocking lightly to Olivia's delight on the other side.

"No I have to get ready for work," she yelled back playfully.

"Liv we both know that I could get in this door if I really wanted to," he said in a predatory tone that she knew all too well.

While she stood waiting to see what he would do she got a glimse at herself in the mirror. She barely recognized the woman in front of her and was smiling so much that her cheeks were hurting.

"Liiiv," he called out again to get her attention.

She finally relented and opened the door to find him standing there gloriously naked with a devious smirk on his face.

"Can I at least take a shower with you before you go?"

She eyed him suspiciously. "Do you promise to be good?"

"I promise," he said holding his hands up in surrender.

"Ok. Raise your right hand."

He lifted his eyebrow as if to ask if she was serious.

"Raise it!" she insisted.

"I could raise something else."

"Elliot…"

"Ok ok," he gave in raising his right hand with a grin on his face.

"Repeat after me. I, Elliot Joseph Stabler." She was trying to stay serious but she was losing the battle.

"I, Elliot Joseph Stabler," he repeated.

"Promise to shower ONLY and not engage in any sexual activity that will make Olivia any later for work."

"I can't remember all that," he joked.

"Ok," she said moving to close the door.

"Ok ok," he gave in and repeated the rest of the lines while slowly perusing her naked body. "Promise to shower only and not engage in any sexual activity that will make Olivia any later for work."

XXXXXXXXX

A little more than hour later Olivia rushed back into the squadroom. Of course, Elliot hadn't kept his promise to keep his hands to himself and they had sex again in the shower before she left. Her body was still humming from all of the stimulation.

"Is she here yet?"

"No, not yet," Amanda said eyeing her suspiciously.

She took a deep breath and settled at her desk, "Ok good."

"You ok?"

"Yeah I just need to get prepared. Give me the lowdown on why this lady asked to speak to me."

"Well of course your run of the mill rich kid whose parents run in all the popular circles so they want to make sure you know it and we all know it."

"Ahh the politics, the best part of the job," she responded facetiously. "Ok. I got it."

Carisi opened the door to announce that the suspect's mother had arrived.

"Ok, Ill be there in a moment."

"And Liv?" Amanda asked cautiously.

"Yeah."

"I have some concealer in my purse. You may want to use it," she offered pointing to her neck and trying not to smile.

Olivia grabbed her mirror out of her purse in a mild panic. "Shit! I'm going to kill him," she exclaimed while putting the concealer on to Amanda's amusement.

"Is it ok now?" she asked her holding up her neck for her to inspect.

"Yeah it looks fine."

XXXXX

After listening to Troy Simpson's mom go on and on about her connects to the city and what a great little boy he was, Olivia was tired and annoyed but she had unfinished business to attend to.

"Hey Fin you got a second?"

"Yeah of course."

She shut the door behind him and sat on her desk close to him signaling to him that they were about to talk something personal and not business.

"I need you to help me with something."

"Anything," he quickly agreed.

"I talked to the judge earlier today about Elliot adopting Noah. She said someone told her about Elliot and me not keeping in touch for four years and that he disappeared."

"What? Who would tell her that?" he asked surprised.

She raised her brow and he instantly knew who she was talking about.

"Thing is. I can't prove it but my gut tells me that it's him."

"So what you thinkin?" he asked getting closer to her.

"You have any friends at family court?"

"I can make a few calls."

"I appreciate that," she said going back to her chair and sitting down.

"But everything's ok right?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Everything's perfect. I have to tell you something but let's keep it between you and me for now."

"Of course."

"Elliot and I are getting married," she announced. She looked shy and happy at the same time and Fin couldn't help but be glad for her.

"I'm happy for you Liv. About damn time," he said hugging her.

"Yeah…. about damn time," she sighed contently.

XXXX

Olivia sat in the chair away from the door so no one could see her. It was almost 5pm, she had been waiting for almost an hour and she was starting to get annoyed because she was ready to go home. It was hard for her to sneak into the IAB offices undetected especially after a few people stopped to congratulate her on the promotion and on being recognized for her test scores at the ceremony.

"Thank you," she said quickly making her way to the 10th floor. Fin's contact was able to work pretty fast finding the connection between Judge Linden and the person she long suspected was the culprit behind the information about her and Elliot. The judge notated the conversation on a post it note in the file and even though the handwriting was a little difficult to decipher, the contact was able to make out the name… Cassidy.

Thankfully the fact that the conversation was acknowledged on a post it note showed that the judge didn't take it too seriously because it was not documented formally. However, Olivia couldn't stop thinking about what it could've cost her and she started to fidget in the chair seething with anger.

She was shaken from her thoughts by footsteps approaching the small office door and sat back expectantly as Brian entered. He walked right past her to his desk not noticing her until he got ready to sit down. She smirked when he was startled at her presence.

"Olivia."

"Brian," she said simply. "Surprised to see me?"

"I am actually. What can I do for you?" he asked trying to seem indifferent but his body language was betraying him. He was nervous. She was cool, calm and confident and he remembers seeing that body language whenever she was interrogating a perp that she had all the evidence she needed to nail them.

"A simple request really," she said standing up putting her hands in her pockets. "Keep my name and Elliot's name out of your mouth. Stay out of my family's business or else."

"Are you threatening me? What are you talking about?" he asked confused.

"I'm talking about this!" She slammed a copy of the post it on his desk and he read it before sighing.

"I know what this looks like," he tried to explain.

"It looks like you tried to tamper with Elliot's adoption of my son."

"I didn't mean it that way. I was working with the judge on a case with one of the guys from Narcotics and his kid. She knew we knew each other from the unit and thought we were friends and mentioned that your adoption of Noah just went through and how happy she was for you with all the changes in your life."

"And how does that equate to you saying something about Elliot not being around?" she asked irritated.

"It just kind of came out. I didn't know he was looking to adopt him."

"Bullshit," she countered.

"I didn't and she didn't say anything either."

"So what exactly did you say?"

"I agreed with her and said that it's amazing how much your life has changed and I know you must be happy to finally have Elliot back after all of these years. That's all I said," he said looking earnest.

"How did she know it was exactly four years?" she asked not swayed by his attempt to be sincere.

He looked guilty and moved around the desk to stand in front of her.

"She asked for more details and I gave them. I didn't know why she was asking and I said he disappeared on you four years ago and popped back up recently."

Olivia scoffed and started pacing.

"But that's all I said that's all I know!"

"That's all you said?" she raised her voice. "That's all you needed to say. Why did you feel the need to provide more information? Why couldn't you just shut the hell up?" she asked getting in his face.

He paused for a second and took a few steps back away fro her. "You don't think this is hard for me?" he asked.

"Oh god here we go." She rolled her eyes and sat back in the chair. "Go ahead Brian tell me. Tell me how me moving on with my life after we mutually ended our relationship is hard for you."

He stalled.

"I'm waiting. Go ahead. Because I don't remember you crawling back asking for me to come back before Elliot came along. Now all of a sudden it's hard for you. So let's hear it."

She waited a little longer and he still didn't say anything. "That's what I thought. You're full of it. You didn't _mean_ it when Tucker tried to have Elliot arrested for hitting you and you didn't _mean _it when you revealed info that could've compromised the adoption. What else didn't you mean? So I know what else I have to look forward to."

"You've always loved him haven't you?" he asked meekly.

"What?"

"It was always him. I know that I wasn't ready to look to the future when we were together Liv but I was going to get myself together. I had just gotten this job back at IAB and I was going to come back for you. Now you're with him. You have this family and I'm not a part of it. Hell we aren't even friends anymore."

"And why do you think that is? Do you think I would want to be friends with someone who can't stand to see me happy?" she asked standing up to get in his face again.

"You had a year. A year Brian. I didn't jump into Elliot's bed right after we broke up. You had time to make it right and you didn't. Accept that. It's over. We tried and it didn't work." Her tone is more even now and she's trying to reason with him.

"I love you," he says simply.

"No you don't," she deadpans. "You know how I know you don't love me? Because you won't let me go. You won't let me be happy. When you love someone you set them free. You don't try to destroy something that means so much to them. You are selfish. You always have been and that's part of the reason our relationship didn't work. The other part being that you weren't ready to give me what I wanted out of life. So if that's the closure you needed, I just gave it to you."

"Ok," he said sadly not making eye contact.

"You didn't answer my question," she says moving toward the door.

"What question?"

"What else didn't you mean? What else do I have to look forward to?"

"Nothing. Nothing else."

She looks at him as if she doesn't believe him.

"I swear."

"Well the best defense is offense so let me go ahead and tell you now so you don't find out from anyone else, or from going through my file and throw a little temper tantrum. I'm pregnant. While I was here to see you I dropped off my papers to request formal desk duty _and_ Elliot and I are getting married."

Brian looked at her in shock as if he's trying to process everything that she just threw at him.

"Congratulations. So I guess I should look forward to your future husband coming to pay me a visit and finish the beating he started the last time?"

She gives him a sarcastic smirk. "No. He won't be coming to see you."

"Oh really. That's not the Stabler I know. You're not going to tell him are you? Why?" he asked.

"See Brian I have this theory about snakes. I prefer the ones I can see in my backyard verses the ones I can't. That's how you get blindsided and I'm not letting that happen anymore," she said opening the door to leave.

"Macy's."

"What's that?" he asked.

"Macy's. That's where I'll be registered for wedding gifts. In case you want to get us something." She winked and closed the door behind her leaving Brian standing speechless.

Coming up: It's someone's birthday and Olivia prepares for her tests on the baby.


	43. Happy Birthday

Chapter 43: Happy Birthday

**A/N: Go shorty, it's my birthday…and someone else's in the story. Enjoy ;-) Oh and thanks for the reviews, you guys are absolutely fantastic! I'm glad everyone is still enjoying the story. Can't believe it's been 43 chapters already and I feel like I have so much more story left I want to tell..don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. Well anyway, here goes….**

XXXXXX

"Dad what's going on? Why did you rush us over here?" Liz asked annoyed.

"Where's your sister?" He was anxious and looking out the window waiting for Maureen to pull up.

"She's on her way she should be right behind me. Is everything ok dad?" she asked wide-eyed. He was being more anxious than she saw in a long time.

"Yeah everything's fine. Let's wait for your sister to get here before we talk."

"Ooookk. So what do we do until then?"

They both turned around when there was a knock on the door.

"Oh thank god Mo is here," she said heading to open it.

"Ok dad, I feel like hell and I look like hell. You better have a good reason for calling me over here." She was pale and annoyed. She was still having a rough time with nausea, much more than Olivia was experiencing.

"Come sit down honey."

"No I don't want to sit down in case I have to run to the bathroom and barf. Now what gives?" Maureen placed her hands on her hips and she and Lizzie gave him the patented Stabler stare waiting on him to spill what was going on.

"Liv and I are getting married," he said calmly.

They all three stood looking at each other for a moment.

"Ahhhhhhhhh," they both screamed in sync. "Oh my god dad!"

Elliot covered his ears as they continued to shriek.

"That's fantastic. How did you propose?" Liz asked.

"Did you get on one knee? Wait when did you buy a ring?" Maureen asked.

"Girls hold on a second. No I didn't get on one knee and I haven't bought a ring yet that's why I called you both over here."

"You didn't get on one knee and didn't have a ring. Well how did you propose?" They both looked at him expectantly.

"Well we were lying in bed.." he started off before realizing how it sounded but then again it was exactly how it sounded.

"Ew dad nevermind. Spare us the details. The point is she said yes, even without a ring. Go Liv," Liz added.

"So we get to go shopping? That's good because we can't trust you to buy one yourself dad…no offense," Maureen said.

"None taken. So let's go."

The girls bounced up and down with excitement at the thought of not only their dad getting married but also being a part of picking out the ring.

Three hours later, Liz and Elliot returned to his apartment while Maureen went back home to lie down because she was still not feeling well. Liz pulled out the box with the ring to look at it again and couldn't stop marveling at how beautiful it was.

"She's going to love it!"

"I think so too. It's beautiful and classic just like she is," he said rubbing his palms on his pants.

"Are you actually nervous? Dad she already said yes so why are you nervous?"

"I know I guess I just want it to be perfect," he explained. He popped open a bottle of water and began to drink it cool himself down.

"Well you could take her out to a romantic dinner or something."

"Nahh, too traditional. In case you haven't noticed we aren't really the traditional type," he chuckled.

"Yeah I noticed. Well don't worry about it dad. You will find the perfect moment and just know when it's time to give it to her," she assured him. "I'm going to head back to the apartment and get some studying done."

He hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you honey. Thanks for coming with me."

"Anytime." She paused at the door and turned to him, "Congrats again dad. I'm happy for you."

XXXXX

Meanwhile, Olivia drove from the meeting with Brian feeling a little weight lifted off her shoulder. She felt that he was more than likely not going to cause any more trouble for her or Elliot now that she talked to him. The only problem was she would have to tell him sooner or later that Brian was the one who said something to the judge. She didn't want to keep any secrets from him or take the chance that he would find out and feel betrayed.

Once she arrived home, she checked her voicemails and discovered that the nurse called to schedule her first trimester screen. She called back and set the appointment for two weeks away when she would be well into her eleventh week. Elliot hadn't said much about the tests and she secretly worried that he didn't want her to have them and just wasn't saying anything.

"Are you ready for a bath?" she cooed to Noah later that evening. He squealed in response.

Elliot came through the door as she was getting ready to take him in the bathroom. The ring was burning a hole in his pocket and he was hoping that tonight would present him a perfect opportunity to give it to her.

"Hey there good lookin," he said giving her a kiss before bending down to kiss Noah.

"Hey. I was getting ready to bathe this little guy. Come help me?"

"Of course."

Elliot ran the water and gathered a few of his toys to put in the tub while Olivia undressed him.

"In you go sweetie," Olivia said putting him in the water. Noah immediately started playing with his little boat. She started to bathe him while Elliot kneeled over the side of the tub helping her.

"So how was your day dear?" he asked saying dear sarcastically.

"We are an old married couple now?" she asked.

"I figured we would start early." He winked at her and she laughed shaking her head at him.

"It was fine after someone made me so late that I almost lost my job," she looked at him accusingly. "I had to handle some other business but it went fine."

"I can't believe someone would make you late like that. How rude."

"You're telling me but I plan to get the person back though," she said smirking down at Noah as she rinsed him off.

"Oh really. And how do you plan to do that?"

She instantly splashed him drenching his entire shirt.

"Oh you are going to get it now," he said.

"Don't you dare!" she warned him. He started splashing her back and soon Noah joined in splashing his hands in the water and giggling uncontrollably soaking them both in the process.

Once they both gathered their wits and controlled their laughter he leaned over to kiss her.

"I love you."

"I love you too even though you made me late and possibly ruined my shirt."

She picked Noah up out of the tub and sat on the toilet with him drying him off. Noah was still laughing from splashing them both and reached his little hand up to Olivia's face to rub in the water on his hands. "Mama water," he said smiling.

Elliot watched them both and thought this was it. This was the time to propose. Sure she was sitting on a toilet but he was already on his knees from kneeling over the tub and in that moment with their son in her arms and after such a random playful exchange he reached in his pocket…and then her phone rang.

"Benson."

He cursed under his breath and slipped the box back in his pocket without her noticing.

"Oh yeah, thanks for calling back so late," she said motioning for Elliot to take Noah. "Let me grab a piece of paper."

Elliot made funny faces at Noah and brought him into the nursery to get him ready for bed while Olivia talked on the phone.

"You know Noah your mommy's phone really really gets on daddy's nerves," he said as he laid him on the changing table. Noah laughed in response as if he could feel his pain.

"Ok thanks, see you then." She ended the call as she walked back in the nursery.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah that was the nurse giving me the instructions on what to expect when I go in for the testing for the baby. I was going to talk to you about that but let's get this little guy down first."

Once Noah had his sleeping clothes on, Olivia sat in the rocking chair holding him while Elliot sat on the daybed next to it and they took turns reading the pages of his favorite book until he dozed off.

"You look tired," he said rubbing her shoulders when they walked out of the nursery to her bedroom.

"I am. Due to some very rigorous activities this morning and work and this little one," she said rubbing her stomach, "I'm exhausted."

"What can I do?"

"Can you make me a sandwich? I'm hungry but don't want anything heavy."

"Of course." He gave her a kiss on the forehead and went to the kitchen and made her a turkey sandwich. When he came back to the room she was in her sleeping clothes and almost half asleep.

"Here you go." She took the sandwich and started to eat while he went to the end of the bed and started rubbing her feet.

"Oh that feels amazing. If I knew all I had to do was agree to marry you to get spoiled like this I would have proposed myself a long time ago," she said taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Very funny. Now you said you wanted to talk to me about the tests," he reminded her.

"Oh yeah. The appointment is on August 6th at 8am. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me," she said cautiously.

"Of course I wouldn't miss it for the world," he answered nonchalantly.

"El, are you sure you are ok with me having the tests done? When we talked about it when Kathy was pregnant with Eli you said it was against your religion."

"Yeah I know but I don't want you to stress out and I think having the tests will put your mind at ease and mine. Also, the kids are worried. I would like to give them some good news and reassure them throughout the pregnancy you know?"

"That makes sense."

"What if…what if there is something wrong?" she asked tentativel staring at him.

"Then we will handle it together as a family. Whatever it is, ok?"

"Ok."

He rubbed her feet for a few more minutes before sliding in next to her in the bed. She was dozing off while laying on his chest and he took out his phone to mark the doctor's appointment on his calendar. His eyes landed on the event in a couple of days that was still programmed in his phone…Kathleen's birthday. While Olivia snored softly on him, Elliot's mind filled with memories of her past birthdays and a few tears fell down his face. He wiped them quickly before falling into a restless sleep with her in his arms.

XXXX

_July 13__th_

Over the next couple of days, Olivia and Elliot saw each other in passing. The first night she tried to invite him over for dinner but he declined saying that he was tired. By the second night of him blowing her off Olivia began to get a little worried that something was wrong. She thought for a second that maybe it was the genetic testing but she really did think he was being sincere when he said that getting the tests done would put everyone's mind at ease. Then her mind flashed for a second that maybe he found out about Brian and was mad at her for not telling him.

Elliot paced back and forth in his apartment exhausted from not sleeping much over the last couple of nights. He had gotten used to sleeping with Olivia and the comfort of her next to him always ensured he slept well. He avoided seeing her because he was down about Kathleen and didn't want her to pry about it or worry about him. The kids had all called him, aware that it was Kathleen's birthday and that he was probably feeling down. He felt terrible that his kids were having to comfort him when he really should be comforting them. They lost just as much as he did. He decided to give Kathy a call knowing that today would be hard for her too.

"Hey."

"Hey," she answered sadly.

"How are you?"

"How do you think?" she snapped. "I'm sorry I didn't meant that. It's just…..it's hard Elliot. It's only the second birthday we've had without her and I feel like it's never going to get easier."

"I know," he choked out. "Do you need anything? Can I do anything?" he asked not knowing what else to say.

"No thank you. I'm ok. The kids are coming by for lunch. You just take care of yourself ok?"

"Ok I will. Bye Kathy."

He still hadn't confirmed Olivia's pregnancy to her but he figured today wasn't the day and now wasn't the time. He would tell her everything at a later date but not on the day of their dead daughter's birth.

Olivia called him a few times and he had been short with her and he knew she could tell that something was wrong. He tried to act like he was sick but she just offered to come over. He could hear the sadness in her voice when she turned him down. By lunchtime he decided to go to Kathleen's grave and put some fresh flowers down. His heart ached when he looked at the date on the tombstone, July 13, 1989. That date he would always remember. She was born a month early when Kathy saw word of his shooting on the news and went into premature labor. That day was crazy and hectic but it ended with him holding his beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed daughter in his arms. She was tiny because she was born early, but he remembered thinking that she couldn't have been more perfect.

"I thought I would find you here," a voice said from behind him.

"Hey son, what are you doing here?" Elliot asked trying to hurry and wipe the tears before Dickie saw them.

"The same reason as you. I brought balloons though," he said somberly setting happy birthday balloons next to her tombstone.

"Still doesn't quite feel real does it?"

"No. It doesn't." They stood in silence for a few moments each both saying their own silent prayers. "How often do you come out here?"

"I try to come every other Sunday. I miss when I'm out in DC so I come a little more often to make up for it. Been slacking though. I plan to do better. You?"

"Not as often as I should," he confessed. "But I plan to do better too."

"You're a good man." Elliot put his arm around his shoulder and brought him closer to him placing a kiss in his hair. "I'm proud of you Dickie. I'm sorry I don't tell you that enough."

"I love you dad. I'm sorry if I don't tell _you_ that enough."

"Touche," he said with a small smile.

"We're going to be ok dad. This past few months is the first time in a long time that I believed that. We're all going to be ok and I think Kathleen may be the reason for it. In her own way," he said putting his arm around Elliot's shoulder.

"I think so too."

XXXXXX

Elliot arrived home later that evening to find his lights on and was worried for a second until he saw Olivia's car on the street. He hadn't talked to her since earlier so he wasn't that surprised that she would show up. She knew where he kept the spare key and let herself in.

He walked in prepared to face her anger. They had talked about being open and honest with each other and all he did was shut her out, the same thing he scolded her for a few days prior.

"Hey," she said in a sympathetic tone when he walked through the door.

_'She knows'_ he thought to himself.

"Hey."

She approached him carefully not sure if he wanted to be touched or consoled. When she got closer to him he reached for her and she quickly pulled him into a hug. They stood for what seemed like several minutes while he held on to her securely feeling the weight of the day disappear in her warmth. He put his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back and kissed his cheek to comfort him.

"How did you know?" he asked trying to pull himself together.

"I figured when you didn't want to talk earlier it had something to do with Kathleen and then Mo called me because she was worried about you." She stroked his face and asked, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it's just hard…you know," he choked out. "She always made a big deal out of her birthday and now it's like we all don't know what to do. I've been just wandering around aimlessly," he said walking over to the couch with his hand in hers.

"I remember that about her. I've gone to a few of her parties," she smiled.

"Yeah she always said it was the one day for us all to celebrate her," he laughed at the memory. "As you can imagine that went over real well with her brothers and sisters."

She laughed with him, "I'm sure."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, with nothing but the sounds of her stroking his back and kissing his forehead filling the room.

"Where's Noah?"

"He's in your bed. He tried to wait for you but he was pretty tired."

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry that I shut you out. I never meant to," he explained placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I know… you don't have to apologize. I get it," she said. "I have something for you."

Olivia got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen pulling a small box out of the fridge and placing it on the coffee table in front of them. She took a deep breath to steady herself hoping that her gesture wouldn't be received in the wrong way. She opened the box to reveal a small birthday cake decorated with purple balloons, Kathleen's favorite color.

When Elliot realized what was in the box, tears immediately started to fill his eyes.

"I can't believe you did this."

She maneuvered herself to sit on his lap as they scooted to the edge of the couch overlooking the cake.

"Elliot it's ok for you to still celebrate her birthday. Twenty six years ago today you became a father for the second time to a beautiful little girl with Kathy's looks and your stubborn personality," she said and he managed a small laugh. "Whether she's still here or not, you can still celebrate that. You can still celebrate her."

He looked back and forth between the cake and her overwhelmed with so many contradicting emotions from sadness and grief to happiness and awe at her gesture. She was right. They could celebrate this day as they did every year before she passed away.

She lit one candle and they blew it out together.

"Happy Birthday Kathleen," he whispered while rubbing Olivia's back. They sat for a few more minutes before Noah's cries got their attention.

"lll go get him," Olivia volunteered getting up from his lap.

"No. Let me."

The walk to the bedroom allowed him to gather his thoughts and reign in his emotions. This moment was something he would always remember. The day Olivia managed to turn his extreme grief over his daughter's birthday into a day he could continue to commemorate. He picked up Noah from the bed and soothed his cries by bouncing him and down and kissing his forehead. He quickly stopped crying while Elliot walked over to his dresser and pulled out a small box from his bottom drawer.

"There he is, how's my baby boy?" she asked reaching for him from Elliot's arms and sitting back on the couch. "Do you want some cake?" she asked him knowing it was a little late to give him sweets but this was a special occasion. She was so preoccupied with steadying Noah on her lap and fixing the cake box that it took her a minute to notice Elliot getting down on one knee.

"Elliot, what are you doing?" she asked momentarily confused.

"Olivia, What you have brought to my life…. I will never be able to put into words," he said with tears filling his eyes. She was beginning to tear up as well realizing what was happening. "I am absolutely out of my mind head over heels in love with you. I have always been and always will be. I can't imagine what my life was like before you graced my existence and I don't ever want to find out again what life is like without you." He reached into his pocket, pulled out the box and opened it revealing a beautiful two-carat round cut diamond ring. "Olivia Benson, will you marry me?"

"Yes," she managed to say through sobs. "I will marry you." He slid the ring on her finger and kissed it once it was set firmly in place. He then leaned in and kissed her on the lips while she held the side of his face still trying to stop crying.

He sat back on the couch and pulled Noah onto his lap.

"Now, how about some cake?"

XXXXXX

P.S. For Kathleen…my fellow Cancerian.

Sorry eorocks…I tried not to update ;-)


	44. A Piece of Cake

Chapter 44: A Piece of Cake

**Author's Note: Sorry about the delay….was reading some great FanFiction on my vacation thanks to Bernie. I'm back in the saddle now. Hope you guys enjoy ****J**** Now where were we….oh yeah Elliot gave Olivia a ring…**

Elliot woke up early the next morning in his apartment with a naked Olivia wrapped around him and the twinkle of her engagement ring illuminating the room. He expected her to take it off when she went to sleep but for someone who wasn't keen on getting a ring she seemed very attached to it. He absentmindedly played with the ring on her finger as she slept and lightly kissed her temple. The night before had been amazing. The three of them stayed up late eating cake and struggling to get Noah back down to sleep after the sugar had him pretty wired. They also called Maureen and Lizzie to give them the news about the proposal. Olivia got especially emotional when she discovered that they helped to pick out the ring. It was the last piece of confirmation she needed that they really were accepting of all the changes in their father's life. They also called Don who was touched when they gave him the news and Olivia asked if he would walk her down the aisle.

When she started to stir, he stopped messing with her hands and tried to slide out of the bed unnoticed so he could surprise her with breakfast. He felt like it was the perfect way to make everything come full circle. There were two hours before her alarm was set to go off so he was hoping the three of them could spend some family time together before she had to go off to work.

He decided to make her pancakes, bacon with a side of fruit. While he was cooking his thoughts turned to how he would break the news to Kathy. He wanted to tell her about everything and soon before he told Dickie and Eli about the engagement. Olivia was right. The key to keeping their lives as drama free as possible and family relations positive for the kids' sake was for the two of them and Kathy to be on the same team. It had been weeks and he still hadn't confirmed Olivia's pregnancy and he realized the kids were in a tough position having to keep secrets from their mother. She deserved to know the truth….directly from him and no one else. It was going to be one of those tough conversations but necessary. It was ironic to him how much his happiness could cause someone else so much pain. He wasn't sure if Kathy had moved on and where she was in her life personally. They hadn't talked much about it and he walked on eggshells around her because he didn't want to upset her by bringing it up.

"Mhmm, something smells good in here," Olivia's voice rasped walking in the kitchen. She was wearing one of Elliot's shirts that went a little past her knees and her eyes were low and full of sleep. "What are you making?" she asked wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing his neck.

"I was trying to surprise you sleepyhead. What are you doing up?" he asked leaning into her body.

"I couldn't stay sleep long. I missed your body heat…and just your body," she said seductively and biting his ear lobe.

"Be very careful Benson," he growled closing his eyes for a brief moment. "If you keep that up I'm going to burn your breakfast."

Olivia took it a step further when she could tell she was affecting him and began to play with the waistband of his sweatpants. "Hmm, sounds dangerous. You must be really serious if you are calling me by my last name."

"I am deadly serious and you better enjoy that last name now while you can, you won't have it for much longer." Olivia's hands stilled at his words and he noticed her reaction.

"You ok?" he asked concerned. He put the last pancake on the plate and turned around to face her.

"Yeah it's just what you said…makes it so real you know?"

"Is that a bad thing? I thought this is what you wanted." He was hoping and praying that Olivia wasn't changing her mind about being engaged. She quickly read the concern in his eyes and wanted to fix it as soon as possible. The last thing she wanted was for him to think that she was rethinking marrying him.

"Of course it's what I want." She pulled him close and tangled her arms around his neck. "It's just me. Olivia Benson. Married. I never thought I would see the day. You making the comment about the last name just kinda made it more real," she said surprise evident in her voice.

He was grateful to see that she didn't regret the engagement but was just taken aback. Olivia had always run from commitment and somehow found herself running towards it and he knew it had to be an adjustment.

"Get used to it baby. You will be my wife soon," he murmured in her hair as they swayed back and forth in the kitchen in each other's arms.

"Yeah and just how soon do you want this to happen?"

"I was thinking before the baby is born."

"Of course you were. Always the traditionalist. So you are going to have me knocked up at the alter hunh?"

She was grinning against his cheek and he couldn't help but laugh.

"Well we could hurry up and do it before you are showing. Do you want a big wedding?"

"No not at all, I've never been that type. Just all of our friends and family, a simple white gown, a little food and maybe a song or two. That's it. Very simple," she said rubbing his back.

"Whatever you say. Well just so you know I think Maureen and Lizzie would love to help you plan."

"They will have to get in line behind Casey I'm sure. She's been dying for this day to happen," she joked.

"They could all plan it together."

"Oh god that scares me," she rolled her eyes and laughed. "Can you imagine me in the middle of those three planning something? They would drive me crazy."

"And this is the part where I am happy that I am a man because all I have to do is pay for it, show up and kiss my beautiful bride."

"Oh gee thanks." She playfully slapped him on the back and broke out of his hug to grab a few pieces of bacon.

Elliot continued to put the rest of the breakfast together and was dreading bringing up the subject of Kathy.

"Liv?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to talk to Kathy today. Tell her everything," he said nervously.

Sensing the seriousness of his tone, Olivia carefully lifted herself on to one of the counters to sit so they could talk while he prepared everything.

"Ok, we talked about that last night. I knew you were going to tell her. Did you think I would be upset?"

"No. I knew you would understand it's just a little nerve wrecking. I haven't told Dickie and Eli yet about the engagement because I want to tell her first and I don't want to leave the girls in a bad position of knowing everything and keeping secrets from their mother," he explained.

"Understandable." She was searching his eyes looking for what was really bothering him. "Are you concerned about how she will react?"

"It's a lot of things thrown at her at once and I'm concerned that she won't be able to handle it."

Olivia stayed silent and waited for him to finish.

"Everything is going so good Liv with you the kids and everyone. I just don't want any…"

"Drama?" she finished for him.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "The kids are protective over their mom which they should be. Things are going well with me and Dickie. If Kathy shuts down, I'm afraid I will lose ground with him."

"Come here." Olivia reached her hands out for him until he was finally settled in between her thighs and she put her forehead against his.

"Everything's going to be ok. Worse case scenario, Kathy flips out and she is not on board. I think you have made such strides with all of your children especially Dickie over the past few months that your relationship with them is not contingent on how you and their mother get along."

She was being so supportive of him that he didn't want to tell her his other fear of hurting Kathy's feelings or feeling guilty about moving on too fast. He didn't want Olivia to regret anything or once again see herself as the reason of any of Kathy's pain.

"You're right. It's going to be ok," he replied modestly and pulled Olivia's hand from his neck kissing the engagement ring.

"It really is beautiful. The girls did a great job picking it out."

"Hey wait a minute, I was the one who picked it out. They just helped," he said pretending to be offended.

She laid her head on top of his and let out a deep content sigh that caused Elliot to laugh lightly.

"What are you laughing at?"

"You."

"Why?"

"You seem pretty happy there Benson."

"I am. Very happy," she said kissing him. "There is one problem though."

"What's that?"

"The guys will have to call me something different now. No more Bad Ass Benson and Bad Ass Stabler just sounds lame."

XXXXX

Elliot stood in front of the home that he lived in for over twenty years and took a deep breath to steady himself. Eli was at a friend's house and she was home alone. She sounded surprised to hear from him but told him to come over around lunchtime.

He rang the doorbell and she answered so fast that he thought maybe she was waiting for him by the door.

"Hey," she spoke tentatively.

"Hey."

He kissed her on the cheek and stood in the foyer waiting for her to tell him where she wanted him to go.

"Lunch is ready, let's go to the kitchen."

She prepared chicken Caesar salad and had the table set when he walked in.

"Looks good," he said politely.

"Thanks. Just something I whipped up quick." She scooped some salad onto his plate and cut right to the chase. "So what's going on Elliot?"

"You don't waste any time hunh?" he chuckled anxiously.

Her blue eyes were burning a hole in him trying to push him along to talk. He recognized this patented stare that he got all of the time when he pissed her off especially when it was something dealing with the kids.

"Don't stall Elliot. What's going on?" she asked in a softer tone.

"There have been some changes going on in my life and I wanted to talk to you about them because it affects the kids and therefore it affects you."

"Ok.." She pushed her plate away and folded her hands on the table. "Keep going."

"Well first. You were right. Olivia is pregnant."

She tried to hold her ground but Elliot could see the slight shift in her resolve.

"Well..I guess congratulations are in order," she said her eyes not meeting his.

"Thank you. And thank you for helping Liv that night. She really wasn't feeling well. I can't believe I didn't notice she was feeling bad and could possibly be pregnant."

Kathy scoffed. "Yeah Elliot well your strong point has never been seeing what's right in front of you. As many times as I have been pregnant you should've been able to notice her symptoms a mile away."

He absorbed the blow and didn't respond the way he normally would've.

"Yeah well," he said shrugging it off.

"So is that it?"

"No, actually," he said taking a bite of salad. "I've put in papers to formally adopt Noah." He paused for a second while she absorbed the news. "I feel like he's my son and I want to make it official and-"

"Elliot," Kathy said putting her hand up to stop him. "You don't have to explain. I could see how you were with him when they were here that night. I can't say I'm surprised that it's happening but a little surprised that it's happening so soon."

"Yeah well no time like the present."

"Just promise me please, I know we talked about it before," she pleaded.

"I know Kath. Eli won't get lost in the shuffle. He's spent a lot of time with Noah and they get along great. He enjoys being a big brother. I think he likes being able to teach someone else something since he was the baby for so long."

"Well I guess he will have a lot of teaching to do between Noah and the new baby," she said finally putting some salad on her plate and starting to eat.

"How are they even allowing you to adopt him and you guys aren't married?" she asked with her mouth full of food.

Elliot stilled.

"And that brings me to the other piece of news."

Kathy dropped her fork on her plate.

"You guys are engaged," she said resigned.

"Yes."

"How long?"

"Hasn't even been two days. I wanted you to know as soon as possible," he said assuring her.

"Why?"

"Because even though you and I are divorced, you are still my family Kathy. You are the mother of my children and…you are my family." His gaze met hers and the tears gathering in her eyes caused tears to well up in his. "You deserved to know."

They ate for a few more minutes in silence.

"I should've known you would propose. She's pregnant, of course you would propose."

"That's not why I proposed. It wasn't about the baby. I've wanted to marry Olivia since—"

Elliot stopped himself when he saw Kathy bracing herself to hear the rest of the sentence.

" I came back into her life," he finished.

She let out a deep breath and seemed to visibly relax at his answer. He knew she thought he was going to reference a time that overlapped with their marriage and although that could have possibly been the case that was an unfortunate truth that didn't need to be shared.

He watched her closely as she played around with her food seemingly uninterested in eating anymore.

"Elliot would…would you.." she struggled to get out.

"Just ask me Kathy."

"Would you have asked me to marry you if I wasn't pregnant with Maureen?" she asked with tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Would you have accepted if you weren't pregnant with Maureen?" he threw back at her.

She smiled at his response. As much as she wanted to make him feel guilty for marrying her just because she was pregnant and staying with their family out of some sense of obligation, she had done the same thing.

"You got me there. Do the kids know?"

"The girls know everything, the boys know some not all. I'm going to talk to them this evening and tell them about the engagement."

She nodded in acknowledgment.

"Well congrats Elliot…. Really," she said the smile not quite meeting her eyes.

"Really?" he asked challenging her authenticity.

"Yeah really. I don't hate Olivia I told you that and I knew you would move on. I'm glad you two were able to pull it together. You seemed a bit worried that she was holding back. Clearly she got over that," she said sincerely. "So when's the big day?"

"We don't have a date but we want to do it before the baby is born, hell maybe even before the adoption is finalized. Nothing's set in stone yet."

"Am I invited?"

Her question stopped him in his tracks and he started to panic.

"ummm," he stuttered and Kathy burst out laughing.

"Oh man, thanks I needed that," she said through her laughter.

"You weren't serious?"

"No I was joking. Elliot honestly. Having your ex-wife at your new wife's wedding. That's a bit.."

"Awkward?"

"Yeah."

"It's been done Kath. I'm sure it's not nearly as uncommon as you think."

"And how would Olivia feel about that?"

"I think she would be fine. It would probably worry her more if you weren't there. She wants everyone to be ok."

"I know she does. She's just going to have to understand that…it's not easy." She exhaled and was searching for her words carefully. "We are all trying to do the right thing here. With the kids and everything and trying to be mature it's just…one day it's my dead daughter's birthday and the next day my ex-husband comes and tells me he's marrying his ex-partner."

"I get it," he said simply. "How are you doing? Really doing?" he asked genuinely touching her hand.

"I'm doing ok," she said squeezing his hand in response. "There's…someone…it's new. I will introduce him to you and the kids when it's time."

Elliot gave her a small smile.

"That's great Kathy. I look forward to meeting him."

They both turned back to the table and started to eat again in tolerable silence.

"It's crazy isn't it?" she asked looking off in the distance as if she were amazed by something. "How quick things can change. Think about where we were five years ago and where we are now."

"Yeah, it is crazy," he agreed.

He jumped slightly at the memory that he had a small peace offering for her in the car.

"Ill be right back."

He went to the car and came back checking the contents of the plate to make sure it hadn't melted.

"What's that?"

He went to the kitchen and got two forks and set the plate down on the table between them.

"It's a piece of cake."

She looked at him pressing him to give her a bit more of an explanation as to why they were sharing a piece of cake that had been sitting in his car.

"A piece of birthday cake," he continued. "for Kathleen."

Kathy's eyes began to water but she was able to pull the tears back in before they escaped her eyelids. He took a bite and she followed close behind.

"She always did like purple," she choked out.

"Yeah she did," he replied simply. They took turns taking small bites of the cake each with their minds wandering. "We're going to be ok Kathy. We all are," he said confidently.

"I think we already are."


	45. Family History

Chapter 45: Family History

_3 weeks later_

Olivia beamed to herself after she finished reading her emails while absentmindedly rubbing her small baby bump. It had become a habit she formed in the past few weeks as she started to show more and she found that it soothed her when she was thinking about something or beginning to feel anxious.

"Hey boss, I'm getting ready to head out for the next week. Need anything before I go?" Nick asked.

"No you're good. Have a good time in California and tell Maria and Zara I said hello."

"Thanks," he said getting ready to walk out.

"Wait, Nick hold on a second. I've got an announcement I want to make before you leave."

He walked with her to the middle of the squad room and leaned against his desk with a puzzled look on his face. Olivia had been nothing short of personal announcements lately so he was unsure of what else she had to share.

"Everyone can I have your attention. Please gather around," she said motioning for them to come closer. Everyone had the same puzzled look on their faces as Nick.

Putting her best game show announcer voice on, she continued with her news. "Ladies and gentlemen I just received an email from 1PP that we officially have a new Sergeant in our midst." She glanced toward Fin who hung his head and gave her a shy smile. "Please give a round of applause for SVU's own Sergeant Fin Tutuola."

Everyone clapped and Fin stood up putting his hand in the air to signal for everyone to stop their applause. Olivia beamed with pride while the squad congratulated Fin.

"Alright alright, enough with all of that," Fin said. "You guys are clapping as if there was any doubt."

"Well we didn't know considering the only smarts we thought you had were street smarts," Amanda teased earning light laughter from the rest of the room.

"Yeah yeah well now I can officially say….everyone get your asses back to work."

Olivia stood by while everyone walked up to him and said their congratulations, which in typical Fin fashion he waved off as no big deal.

"Congrats man," Nick said shaking his hand. "Ill see you next week."

"Walk you out?" Amanda asked shyly.

"Yeah, sure. See you guys later."

Olivia and Fin watched them walk out together but kept their comments to themselves.

"Congratulations Fin. I'm proud of you," she said giving him a hug.

"Thanks Liv. You should be proud after all this is all your fault."

She laughed while he followed her back in her office.

"You love it don't act like you don't."

"The only thing this new title can do for me is get me a little more play with the ladies," he joked.

"Well that and a raise which goes into effect next week. That should get you a long way with the ladies too," she joked back.

"You women are all after the same thing."

She laughed and shook her head as she packed up for the day.

"Ok so I have those tests tomorrow so I'll be out most of the morning. I'm not sure how long everything is going to take but I should be back in after."

Fin watched her closely trying to feel out her demeanor. She seemed to be a little guarded when she talked about the tests and he didn't want to push her.

"No problem I got you covered."

"Thanks."

Her mood had changed quickly which wasn't out of the ordinary over the past few months considering her pregnancy but Fin sensed something else was wrong.

"Wanna talk about it?" he offered.

"Talk about what?"

He gave her a knowing look. "Ok ok. I'm just…nervous that's all."

"That's understandable but don't be too nervous. I don't want you stressing my niece out," he said earning a laugh from her that he was still so sure about the gender.

"Easier said than done but I'll try." She finished packing and got ready to walk out.

"Thanks again Fin…for everything. Without you picking up the slack around here…just thank you."

"Anytime Liv. Let me know how it goes."

XXXXX

The next morning Olivia and Elliot were in the car on the way to the doctor's office. They were both quiet lost in their own thoughts. Every once in awhile he would reach over and squeeze her hand for reassurance and she would give him a small smile and continue to look out the window.

"Everything's going to be ok Liv," he sighed.

"Yeah."

They walked hand in hand to the doctor's office and tension was radiating off of her as she checked in and was given some papers to fill out.

"Ok, what do we have here?" he asked putting his hand across the back of her seat and reaching for the clipboard of papers.

"Oh don't worry, there's some here for you to complete too," she said handing him a couple of forms.

"Oh great, let me get started."

He read over the forms while she completed the basic paperwork with her personal and insurance information. She was so busy completing her stack of forms that she didn't notice that Elliot stilled next to her when he was halfway through the first page of his forms. She kept going until she got to the page with "Family History" listed at the top. She paused momentarily and noticed he was on that section on his forms as well.

They both expelled a puff of air and eyed each other tellingly. Olivia could only complete her mother's section and wasn't exactly sure if that information was correct. The only thing that came to mind when she thought of her mother and any kind of condition was alcoholism and abuse.

"You ok?" she asked him.

"Sure," he said clearing his throat. "I'm fine."

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as he slowed down completing the forms .

"El?" she asked putting her hand on his hand that was holding the pen to get his attention.

"I'm good…just trying to remember the kids medical conditions. I have everything for my parents that I can remember but just trying to get it right on the kids."

Olivia felt like she should say something to him to comfort him. These few little forms were bringing up issues within them that they managed to keep buried as much as they could but it didn't occur to her that getting extra tests for their child would open so many wounds.

"You done already?"

"Yeah I don't know my father's history and my mom's was pretty simple so…"

Elliot's expression changed at the realization that this was probably hard for her as well. He didn't know what to say to make it better so he rubbed her back while waiting for her name to be called.

"Olivia Benson," the nurse announced and they both jumped at hearing her name.

"Right here," she answered and they walked hand in hand to the back.

"Hi my name is Heather and I'm Dr. Thompson's nurse. Let's stop at the scale first before we go to the back."

Olivia paled for a second at the realization she would have to weigh herself in front of Elliot.

"Where's your bathroom?" he asked.

"Oh it's right around the corner that way," the nurse answered.

"Ok I'll go to the bathroom and meet you all back in the exam room." He gave her a knowing smile and went around the corner. These were the moments that she realized just how much she loved how well Elliot knew her. It pissed her off when they were partners and he wouldn't drop it when he asked her what was wrong because he could read her body language and tell something was off. Or when he could tell she was hiding something from him that she didn't want to discuss, but his knowledge of her served them well in their romantic relationship.

After charting her weight they walked into the exam room, she took her vitals and went over some basic information while Elliot rejoined them.

"Olivia we are going to draw some blood today to check for chromosomal defects like down syndrome and then give you another ultrasound to check on the baby and also your placenta previa," she stated. The nurse was very soft-spoken, older and she immediately put her at ease. She took Olivia's blood and after giving her directions to undress for the ultrasound she left while they waited for the doctor to come in.

Olivia got up to take off her pants and Elliot immediately jumped up to stand right in front of her.

"You know if you need some help taking that off, I could assist you," he said in a low voice.

"Really El? In a doctor's office?"

"It doesn't matter where I am, I always look forward to helping you remove your bottoms," he said kissing her ear lobe.

"Mmmm," she moaned. "Don't start something you can't finish."

He pulled back and lifted his eyebrow at her challenging her. "Don't test me Liv. I think we both know that I could make you come for me before the doctor even got back here."

She couldn't help but laugh at his arrogance. He had every right to be arrogant because he was the best sex she ever had and his physical prowess was like nothing she had ever experienced before.

"Oh no you don't," she said pulling herself back from him and putting her hand up in warning. "Don't you dare Stabler."

She was trying to sound serious but her eyes and the smirk forming was giving her away.

"Liv," he moaned in her ear while sliding off her pants and helping her to step out of them.

"Don't," she whispered. "You are going to get me turned on, we can't do this here."

When he reached for the waistband of her panties, Olivia started to feel herself lose control.

"Do what?" he asked feigning innocence. His lips pressed hard against hers into a demanding kiss. "I'm just helping you get undressed."

They were kissing and his hands were pushing her underwear down when they heard three quick knocks on the door and the doctor walked in.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said blushing. "Ill give you guys another minute."

Olivia buried her head in embarrassment in Elliot's shoulder. "Oh my god, I can't believe she caught us!"

She pinched his shoulder while he laughed and put her clothes off to the side. She gathered herself together and got on top of the exam table. Elliot sat in the guest chair. A minute later the doctor knocked again.

"Is the coast clear?" she asked in a playful tone.

"Yes it is."

She still walked in with her hands over her eyes and Elliot started to laugh again. He liked her instantly.

"I'm so sorry about that," Olivia apologized looking mortified.

"It's completely fine Ms. Benson. There's nothing wrong with a little fun between couples. It's healthy for you and the baby. Your baby needs positive vibes, no stress and worrying."

"See there Liv. I told you it would be just fine."

"That's because the doctor doesn't know what you had planned before she walked in."

He winked at her and the doctor went over their paperwork while enjoying their playful banter.

"Since she's so rude and haven't introduced me, allow me. I'm Elliot Stabler the baby daddy," he said shaking her hand.

"I can't believe you just said that." Olivia rolled her eyes in mock disgust. "Dr. Thompson this is Elliot my _fiancé_ and the father of our child," she said emphasizing the word fiancé.

"It's nice to meet you Elliot. I assume we will be seeing more of each other at these appointments," the doctor said clearly taking an instant liking to him.

"You will see me at every appointment for sure."

"Good. Let's get to it then. I was looking over your paperwork and had some additional questions. Olivia, you don't have any information on your father's medical history? Is there someone you could call and ask?"

Olivia and Elliot locked eyes and both knew who she had to reach out to. Simon, the brother that she hadn't really talked to for almost the same amount of time as Elliot before he came back into her life. The last time she talked to Simon he had just lost custody of his kids and his fiancé left him after he had to serve time for trying to kidnap them. He sent an email here and there and they exchanged texts for holidays once he was released from jail but nothing else. Elliot had never liked Simon but she knew he wouldn't get in the way of her contacting him if it was for the good of their child.

"She has a brother that she can reach out to," he said matter of factly as a way of letting her know that he understood what she had to do.

"Ok good to hear. Alright Elliot I see that you have a history of mental illness in your family with your mother and your daughter. What medications are they currently taking?" she asked looking at Elliot expectantly.

He froze and didn't answer. Olivia waited a moment to give him time to speak up but when he didn't she answered on his behalf.

"His mom does not take any meds as far as he knows and his daughter passed away."

Dr. Thompson visibly blanched at her words.

"I'm so sorry," she said sincerely.

"It's ok. You didn't know," he finally said. Olivia wanted to hop off the table and throw her arms around him but he made eye contact with her to tell her he was fine.

"I wish I could say that these tests that we are going to run over the next months would tell us if your child has bipolar disorder or any other mental illness but unfortunately that's not something we can screen for."

"I understand," he choked out.

She paused briefly as she observed Elliot and looked as if she wanted to say more but continued on as normal.

"Ok. Well everything else in your paperwork looks good so how about we take a look at the little one?" she said in a chipper tone trying to lighten the mood.

Elliot's eyes lit up and he stood up next to Olivia while the doctor set up the ultrasound machine.

"You ok?" she whispered to him.

"I'm fine Liv."

She placed her hand in his and rubbed her thumb back and forth along his palm to soothe him while the doctor placed the gel on her growing belly.

Within seconds, the image of their baby was on the screen and all signs of tension and sadness swiftly disappeared.

"There's your baby," the doctor said. "Everything looks good. Heartbeat sounds good. The baby looks as it should for 11 weeks so that's a good sign too."

Olivia was trying to listen to everything the doctor said but she was mesmerized at the image on the screen. What first looked like a peanut on her initial ultrasound now looked like an actual baby. It was super tiny but looked like a baby nonetheless. She glanced up at Elliot and saw that there were tears coming from his eyes.

"And everything's ok?" he asked the doctor through tears.

"Everything looks just fine Elliot. The placenta is still in the same place but I'm not worried about that right now. There's still plenty of time for it to correct itself. We will check it again at your next appointment in a couple of weeks."

"When do we get the results of the blood test?" Olivia asked.

"In a couple of days. I'll give you a call. If I can't get in touch with you, I'll give dad a call if that's ok," she said giving Elliot a reassuring wink.

"That's perfectly fine."

After reminding Olivia to continue to take it easy at work and to call if she has any additional questions or issues, the doctor left to allow her to get dressed.

"Are you sure you're ok?" she asked him tentatively.

Elliot blew out a little breath and rubbed his hand over his face. "Yeah I'm fine. Those questions about Kathleen and my mom had me a little on edge but…I saw the baby and it was just like nothing else matters you know?"

"Yeah I know," she said returning his smile.

"Let's get out of here and finish what we started earlier."

"You always have a one track mind."

"Always when it comes to you," he said kissing her forehead.

They walked hand in hand down the hall back to the waiting room to leave when Olivia spotted the doctor writing in her charts.

"Hey umm I think I forgot my sunglasses," she said taking her hand out of his.

"Ok I'll go back with you."

"Oh no let me go grab them why don't you go and get the car?"

"Ok I'll meet you out front," he agreed.

She waited timidly for the doctor to wrap up talking to her nurse before trying to get her attention.

"Olivia did you forget something?" Dr. Thompson asked.

"Yeah can I just talk to you for a second."

"Sure," she pointed to one of the empty rooms. "Let's go in here."

"I'm sorry I know you are busy, I won't hold you up I just…I just wanted to say. Actually I don't know what I wanted to say," Olivia said fidgeting and stumbling over her words. "I just wanted you to know this baby means everything to Elliot and to all of us our whole family. I know this is a long process all of these tests and I don't…know a lot about all of it. If you could just be straight with us all the time and just let us know what's best. I can't have anything happen to this baby."

It wasn't until the doctor handed her a tissue that she realized she was crying. Olivia took and it continued to talk, "You can probably tell from what just happened in there how quickly everything changed when he saw the baby on the ultrasound. Whatever it takes I'm willing to do it, whatever you feel like maybe you shouldn't say, say it. Just always be straight with us please. He already lost one child. He can't lose another one. I can't lose this baby and I will do whatever is humanly possible to make sure he or she is healthy."

"Olivia," the doctor said touching her hand. "I get it. I will be straight with you. You can count on that. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you both stay informed on all the tests and guide you through as much as I can in making the best decisions for your baby. I promise you."

"Thank you. I appreciate that more than you know."

"I understand _exactly_ what you are feeling. Ill do everything I can Olivia. Trust me," she added. They made eye contact briefly and she saw something in them that she didn't see before. There was a reason that Elliot and the doctor seemed to hit it off so well. They shared the same experience…they both lost a child.

XXXXX

On the ride home, Elliot was uncharacteristically quiet. She glanced away from the road to watch his face as he drove and saw that he was going through a myriad of emotions. She didn't want to rush him to speak so she said back patiently and waited.

"Liv?"

"Yeah."

"What…what if our child ends up being bipolar or have some other mental illness?"

She thought for a few moments before answering and grabbed his hand that was resting on the console.

"Like a wise man once told me a few weeks, whatever it is we will handle it….. as a family."

**Coming up: This chapter was a little too serious so time to lighten it up a little bit. How about some wedding planning? Yep. I thought so too ;-)**


	46. Two Birds with One Stone

Chapter 46: Two Birds with One Stone

Olivia was beginning to relax more with her pregnancy now that she was in her 14th week and officially out of her first trimester. The initial screening came back perfectly and there were no chromosomal defects found. Her next tests weren't for another month or so and that's when they would also find out the sex of the baby. Elliot and Olivia made sure to keep the kids informed on every aspect of the pregnancy to make sure they didn't worry and everyone was excited about the wedding.

Although she was on desk duty, there was no shortage of work that she had to keep up with and she was often bringing a little of it home at night. Elliot considered saying something to her about it but didn't want to start a fight so he just rubbed her feet and back to help her relax. Since she was so bogged down with work, as expected Casey, Lizzie and Maureen were in full wedding planning mode. Even Alex was getting involved a little more than she expected.

It started off with Lizzie signing her up for bridal magazines that mysteriously started showing up in her mailbox and casual chit chat then graduated to lunch dates to discuss specifics. She listened while they went on and on about venues, dresses and flowers while either playing with Noah, joking around with Elliot or checking her emails.

"Should I be worried that you don't seem at all interested in planning our wedding?" Elliot asked her while rubbing her feet. They were sitting on the couch with Noah playing on the floor and Lizzie was going through one of the bridal magazines putting sticky notes on dresses she thought Olivia would look good in.

"It depends. Should I be worried that _you_ don't seem to be interested in planning the wedding?"

"Not at all. Men rarely get into these types of things. I told you before Liv. I'm just focused on you being my wife, not all the extra."

"Same here," she agreed.

"So if you don't want all the fuss and I don't want all the fuss, then why do we have them going crazy planning all of this stuff?" he asked confused.

"Because look at her," she motioned to Lizzie. "They are all so excited about it. Don't say anything but Lucy told me that Dickie has been practicing his dance steps and asked her to be his date. Apparently Eli has been tapped to carry the rings and has been practicing not dropping them. I don't want to wreck that for them. They're happy."

Elliot watched her lovingly as she sipped her tea and checked emails on her iPhone. He loved that she was willing to let everyone including his kids drive her crazy just so they would be happy and feel involved in their special day. He rubbed her belly which got her attention and mouthed "I love you."

"You are not so bad yourself Stabler," she said leaning over to kiss him. They were mid kiss when Lizzie interrupted them.

"Earth to dad! Liv," she called out annoyed.

"Yeah honey."

"Could you guys let go of each other for one second and answer my question?"

"And what question was that?"

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Are you wearing a white or black tux?"

"Uhhh," he stuttered.

"Black," Olivia chimed in.

"Thank you." She typed the answer down in her iPad which apparently now was used for all things related to the wedding and not for school as it was originally purchased for. "You guys can continue on," she waved at them.

"Well thank you for your permission," Elliot quipped.

They were placing light kisses on each other's cheek when they were momentarily distracted by Lizzie's cell phone. "Oh that's Casey."

"What?" Olivia asked in shock pulling away from Elliot. "I've been trying to get in touch with her all day. I have a development in the Marks case."

Lizzie answered the phone not paying attention to Olivia.

"Thanks for calling me back Casey. I found out dad is wearing black so we can go ahead and order the boys' tuxes. Also, did Mr. Reynolds call you back about the band?"

Olivia watched the conversation in stunned silence waiting for Casey to respond and be annoyed that Lizzie was calling her at night with such questions but they continued to talk like best friends.

"Can you believe this? I have literally been calling her all day and she calls Lizzie back first about a damn tux."

"I think it's hilarious," he smirked clearly amused by Olivia's reaction.

"Okay talk to you later Case," Lizzie said in a chipper tone as she hung up the phone.

_Case?_ Olivia thought to herself. Apparently they were calling each other nicknames now. A second later Olivia's phone rung.

"Well hello there _Case_," she answered sarcastically with an edge on her name.

"Hey Liv, you called me earlier?"

"Are you serious? Fin and I both have been trying to get with you all day to see if we can get a warrant to search Tommy Marks' house. I know the evidence we have is slim but it should be enough for probable cause."

"Oh man I completely overlooked that. Sorry, I've been overwhelmed lately I actually thought Barba was going to take the Marks case."

"Overwhelmed with what? Wedding planning?" Olivia challenged her.

"Just so you know Liv, the DA's office has been slammed so we're all kind of all over the place with juggling cases but I will get you your warrant," she shot back defensively.

"I'm sorry Casey, I was just..you're right I'm sorry," she apologized.

"No problem…and I've been a little overwhelmed trying to figure out if you should wear a fitted gown like mermaid cut or something with a bit more poof you know with the baby bump and all," she joked.

"Oh my god, bye Casey," Olivia said exasperated and Casey laughed. "Let me know about my warrant," she yelled before hanging up.

She took a deep breath and shot eyes over to Elliot who looked like he was trying to conjure up every favor he had in the universe to not burst out in hysterics at the conversation.

"Go ahead El, get it out of your system."

He started to laugh so hard that tears were forming in his eyes. The more he tried to stop himself the worse it got and watching Olivia's less than tickled face made it even better. Noah started to giggle when he saw Elliot laughing so hard and she couldn't help but join in.

"Why are you so annoyed? What happened to whatever makes them happy?" he mocked her.

"Yeah yeah." She dismissed him and went back to checking her emails.

Lizzie returned from the bedroom with a huge smile on her face. "So I just got off the phone with Alex and another special person and it looks like we have the wedding venue all picked out." She clapped her hands and jumped up and down with excitement.

"That's great Liz. Where is it?"

She stalled for a bit before saying where it was.

"Liz?" Elliot prodded.

"I want you to keep an open mind," she started explaining while looking at Elliot.

"Liz, where is it?"

"It gives you a lot of options, you can do whatever you want…"

He continued to stare a hole into her until she finally gave in.

"….it's at Grandma's beach house."

Before Olivia could catch herself it was her turn to burst into a fit of laughter.

"Payback is a beautiful thing," she said as she retrieved Noah and put him in his high chair.

"Absolutely not," Elliot said sternly.

"Why not? Grandma was more than happy to do it and it saves you guys a lot of money. Venues are expensive."

"Ill pay whatever the cost is as long as it's not at my mom's house."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time I ask you for some money," she quipped earning her an icy blue glare from her father.

They continued to spar back and forth while Olivia and Noah watched from the kitchen. She was finishing up dinner and started to set the table grinning at them in between. Lizzie was very much like Elliot. Stubborn, bullheaded and determined and Olivia enjoyed watching her take him on.

The doorbell rang and neither one of them stopped their spirited discussion to answer it.

"Don't mind me, Ill just go grab that," Olivia said. "Hey Lucy. You ok?"

"Yeah, I think I left my anatomy book here and I need it to study," she said blankly.

"Oh yeah I think I saw it on the coffee table. Come in come in."

Olivia watched her closely as she retrieved the book sidestepping Liz and Elliot who were still going back and forth. She was not bright and happy like she usually is, especially lately since she had been seeing Dickie. She looked like she had been crying. She didn't want to pry into Lucy's life but the young girl had become like a daughter to her.

"Thanks Olivia."

"No problem. Do you want to talk about it?" she asked not even bothering to go through the motions of asking if there was an actual problem because clearly there was.

"It's just…Richard and I had a fight. A big one," she said through sniffles.

"Come on lets go." She put her arm around her shoulder and guided her back to the kitchen trying to multitask by talking to Lucy, setting up for dinner and entertaining Noah.

"It's not going to happen. End of discussion. She probably won't even remember that she agreed to have the wedding there by next week!" Elliot yelled.

"Don't mind them honey, let's just talk."

Once she had Noah occupied, Lucy helped her gather the ingredients for the salad while they talked.

"Is this awkward to talk about with his dad and sister right there?" Lucy pointed out.

They both looked toward the living room at the two who didn't even seem to notice that Lucy was there. Liz's phone started to ring and she answered it now involving Maureen in the discussion.

"I'm glad you are nearby. We are at Olivia's house drop by and help me talk some sense into your father," she said before hanging up.

"As you can see, they aren't even paying attention. So tell me what happened," she continued.

"Well it started because he got stuck at a condo a few miles away and the people were taking longer than normal to look at it. It was late and getting dark, he was frustrated and couldn't come pick me up like we originally planned. So I took a bus."

"Okaaaaaay," Olivia answered not quite understanding the problem.

"He went off into this whole speech about it being dark and not safe for me to take the bus because I had to walk several blocks to get to the stop. Then he said I should have told him about it first before just doing that and he would've made other arrangements for me to get home. He said I should've asked you but I know you are busy and then you would've had to pack up Noah," she rambled. "It was just a dumb argument. He's not my dad you know? I shouldn't have to run decisions like that by him. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself. It's just a stupid bus ride for Christ's sake."

Olivia smirked a little bit listening to Lucy talk about their fight. She instantly thought about her and Elliot's fights throughout their partnership but particularly in the beginning when it came to her safety and ability to protect herself. She didn't bother to understand his reasoning back then, it just pissed her off that he thought he had to be her knight and shining armor and she was a damsel in distress.

"So what do you think?" Lucy asked her.

"Honestly Lucy remember that warning I gave you before?"

"About them being very fertile?" she asked and Olivia smiled.

"Well that too but about them being protective?"

"Oh…yeah," she said remembering that part of the conversation.

"I didn't just make that up. I carry a gun, can punch as hard as a man twice my size, I'm a cop and I'm still not sure that Elliot and I wouldn't have that same exact argument if I would've made the same decision you did. Elliot even went so far as to put a protective detail on me without me knowing," she explained.

Lucy visibly started to relax.

"Really?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. It's what they do. Trust me honey it's not that he's trying to control you or doesn't think you are capable. Stabler men are fiercely protective over those they love."

Lucy's eyes went wide with realization.

"You…you think he loves me?" she asked in disbelief.

She pulled her into a hug and spoke softly to her. "That's how they show their love. They aren't always the best with words just actions. Bonehead actions, but actions nonetheless," she clarified receiving a little laugh from Lucy. "I'm willing to bet you have what…about five missed calls from him on your phone?"

"Seven."

"Yep, I figured. Word of advice, when he stops being protective of you, _that's_ when you worry."

Olivia and Lucy were so deep in conversation they didn't hear the knock on the door but saw Maureen walking in looking pale. Her appearance caused Elliot and Liz to call a temporary truce.

"Mo, everything ok?"

"Umm yeah, I guess," she said seemingly out of it. "I-I-have some news but I'm waiting on Dick to get here so I can tell you guys all at once. I don't know if I can say it twice."

Elliot helped her to the couch where she sat fidgeting with her hands.

"Maureen, you have to tell me something honey," Elliot persisted.

She put her hands up to signal for him to stop and not worry. "Dad it's nothing bad I promise. Just…surprising."

Olivia went to the living room and Lucy stayed in the kitchen weary to go any further considering she overheard that Dickie was on his way over. She also didn't want to pry into family business. A knock a few moments later signaled his arrival.

"Hey, Maureen what's going on?" he asked as he charged in. "She said she had a -" He stopped cold when he caught sight of Lucy in the kitchen. "Oh hey Lucy," he said uncomfortably.

"Hey," she said giving him a small awkward wave but not meeting eye contact. Elliot noticed the tension and looked to Olivia for an explanation. '_Ill tell you later' _she mouthed to him.

"Ok since everyone's here I wanted to let you all know…I was still feeling super sick so I went to the doctor today and found out why. I'm having twins," she announced. "Oh wow Maureen. Congratulations!" Olivia offered.

"Yeah, thanks."

"That's good news right?" Elliot asked unsure.

"I guess so it's just so…unexpected. I'm just worried. I know mom said she had a tough pregnancy with Dick and Liz and plus…I'm just….one baby is one thing but financially supporting two? I'm just concerned I guess. But it will be alright," she said trying to convince herself.

"Of course it will be," Elliot offered. "I'm going to help you any way I can."

"Yeah and I'll help you babysit and anything else you need," Liz added.

"Don't worry sis. Mom handled the sickness and stuff with me and Lizard just fine."

"And look how great that turned out," Maureen joked easing the mood. "You're right I'm just nervous and stunned I guess."

"We are all here for you Maureen. Whatever you need. Ok?"

"Ok," she said giving Olivia a slight smile. "I have pictures if you guys want to see."

She pulled the sonogram pictures from her pocket and began to pass them around.

Dickie and Lucy continued to exchange glances at one another. They both wanted to say something but didn't have the courage to speak up.

"Dickie can you do me a favor and bring the lasagna to the table so we can get ready for dinner?"

She was trying to get them in the space so they could talk.

"Sure."

"Wow, what an amazing night," Liz said clapping her hands. "Maureen is having twins, dad and Liv are getting married on the beach at grandma's…"

"No we are not Liz so drop it!" Elliot exclaimed and the argument started all over again. Olivia rolled her eyes and looked at the pictures with Maureen.

"What are you hoping for? Girl or boy?" she asked her.

"Just healthy I guess. I thought about maybe one of each to kill two birds with one stone but with my luck they would fight like Dick and Liz and I can't handle that."

Olivia chuckled. "They aren't that bad."

She snuck a glance over in the kitchen and it looked like her plan worked. They were talking. Their body language looked much less tense than it did when Dickie first walked in.

"Well that's interesting," Elliot said. "Did you hear that Liv?"

"No, what's that?"

"Why don't you tell her Lizzie?"

"Well I was just telling dad that if it's at Grandma's then we can be open with dates. We don't have to worry about it being booked or anything else. You guys can get married anytime," she said grinning.

"Now how about that," Elliot stated sarcastically looking at Olivia who rolled her eyes. "Anytime we want to hunh?"

"Go figure," she responded.

"So when's the date Liv? Dad said it's your decision."

He folded his arms and eyed her knowingly, "Your move Benson."

"This has been a big night for everybody. How about we all sit and have some dinner? I should have enough for everyone and we can work all the details out later."

"Nice deflection," he whispered in her ear.

During dinner, Lucy and Dickie sat next to each other and every once in a while would trade affectionate glances at one another. Olivia concluded that they must have made up or at least on the road to making up. Talking about the twins with the family worked wonders for Maureen's mood and she already seemed more excited than she was when she walked in initially. Elliot seemed to resign himself to the idea of having the wedding at his mother's house for no other reason than to torture Olivia into setting a wedding date. Olivia fed Noah and watched tenderly the conversations and interactions between everyone at the table. It was organized chaos at its finest, but it was the best kind.

After dinner, Dick took everyone home including Lucy. Lucy thanked her for the talk and said she would be back first thing in the morning to take care of Noah. Noah was bathed and down for the night not requiring a bedtime story thanks to being tired out by the commotion caused by his soon to be brother and sisters.

"So you ready to tell me what that was all about with Lucy and Dickie?" he asked wrapping his arms around her waist while she washed dishes.

"Just a lover's quarrel. Nothing big."

"Here let me finish that. Why don't you go put your feet up?"

"I'm fine El. I'll compromise. Why don't you wash and I'll dry and put up."

"Deal." She planted a quick chaste kiss on his lips and they switched positions in front of the sink.

"So compromising already…sounds like someone is definitely ready for marriage," he joked.

"I've always compromised that isn't new."

"Yeah right," he scoffed causing her to slap his arm playfully. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For tonight. I know we were just going to have a quiet night just the three of us and it turned in to a three ring circus. I know you are probably exhausted," he said concerned.

"I'm ok. Really. This is what our life is going to be like right? It's actually kind of nice. Never a dull moment."

She put her arms around his neck and pulled him into a long kiss.

"Are you sure you are up for this Liv? Forever is a long time to be dealing with the Stabler kids," he said causing them both to laugh.

"It's not the Stabler kids I'm concerned about, it's their stubborn but sexy daddy," she said playfully.

"Is that right?"

He kissed her again and began to unbutton her shirt.

"I've got an idea."

"Mhmmm, me too," he moaned pushing his growing erection into her stomach.

"Let's get married the same day Noah's adoption is finalized. We can get Judge Linden to perform the ceremony; after all she's responsible for giving us a family. She may as well seal the deal. We can kill two birds with one stone."

Elliot pulled back from kissing her and considered her idea for a moment.

"As romantic as you just made that sound, that's actually not a bad idea. You recognize that's just a little over a month away don't you?"

"Yep I do," she said simply.

"Ok so it's decided then."


	47. I Promise You

Chapter 47: I Promise You

It was the day before the wedding and Olivia and Elliot managed to get through the past six weeks of planning without strangling Casey and Lizzie. Maureen helped with the planning as well but was still feeling pretty sick with the twins. They decided to get married at Bernie's beach house which didn't sit right with Elliot at first but he warmed up to it eventually. His relationship with her had been touch and go but she managed to be there for him before and after Kathleen's death. Her house was one of the places he stayed while she was in the hospital and after she died when he was at rock bottom he spent some time there too. He eventually confessed to Olivia that was why he didn't want to have the wedding at the beach house because it was synonymous with so many bad memories for him. She reminded him that this was his chance to turn a negative into a positive just as he had done with Kathleen's birthday.

He and Noah watched from the kitchen at all of the chaos surrounding them as the women in their lives ran around like crazy. The living room was filled with their tuxes, boxes of things he didn't know what they were and some stuff that he assumed was decorations and wedding favors. There were people in and out all day, the phone was ringing off the hook and he was expecting Olivia to be stressed out but she was keeping it all together. Her bump was more pronounced now and he enjoyed rubbing it when they were in bed together at night and talking to the baby to Olivia's delight.

She had another set of tests done the day before and another ultrasound. Her placenta was beginning to correct itself, which was a good sign, and they agreed to find out the sex of the baby on one condition. Olivia had the tech put the gender in an envelope and they would open it at the wedding reception. The pregnancy seemed to be going normal and Elliot couldn't have been more relieved.

"Dad did you pick up the rings?" Maureen asked.

"Yes I picked them up yesterday after Liv's appointment. My duty is done," he said smugly.

"Oh yeah so much you've accomplished. Lizzie, Casey, Lucy and I have done most of the work!" she shot back teasingly.

"Well in my defense, I did tell you it would be like this. I have no interest in looking at flowers and dresses. Just showing up and kissing the bride."

With Noah in his arms he went over to the living room and pulled his oldest daughter into a hug.

"Hey, what's that for?" she said returning the hug.

"I love you Mo and thank you for doing all of this. I don't know if your mom is ok with all of it and I don't even want to know but just thank you. I know if it wasn't for you and your sister we wouldn't even be pulling this off."

"I love you too dad. It's all worth it to see the smile on your face these past months," she said kissing him on the cheek. "And for the record, mom is ok with it."

"Is she coming to the wedding? I told her Liv was fine with her coming."

Maureen's facial expression showed him all he needed to know.

"I get it. It probably would've been weird anyway."

"Totally," she agreed rolling her eyes and grabbing her phone that was ringing…again.

From the dialogue he could tell it was Lizzie making even more preparations.

Noah began to squirm in his arm and he decided to make them both some lunch. Olivia was supposed to be off but got called in to wrap up something so it was just him and Noah in the middle of Wedding Central.

There was another knock on the door and it was Lucy whose hands were so full with boxes that she couldn't use her key.

"Hey Elliot, hey Noah," she said setting the boxes down on the coffee table.

"Do you need any help with anything?" he offered.

"No we are good."

She went back off to chat with Maureen and they called Casey to discuss who would be heading off to the beach house first to begin setting up and getting everything ready.

His phone went off signaling he had a text message. He set Noah down in his high chair to check the message and bring his food to him.

_Are you hanging in there? You haven't choked one of the children yet have you?_

He smiled at her amusement at his current situation.

_Not yet. Right now the only Stabler child that is not driving me crazy is the one you are carrying. When will you be home? Don't make me stay in this circus all by myself._

_Oh poor you. Suffering in silence. Don't worry. I'll be home soon. _

_Ok. I love you. _

_I love you too…oh and I can't wait to be your wife._

Elliot smiled to himself at her text. It was actually going to happen. It was finally going to happen. It all seemed too good to be true.

Lizzie had now joined the commotion to pick up some packages and announce that her and Casey was on their way to the beach house for the night to drop everything off and start preparing for tomorrow. Bernie insisted on doing a lot of the cooking for the reception but there was still some food that would be catered and Alex was in charge of coordinating that. Melinda got stuck coordinating all of the travel arrangements for everyone including Eric and Chelsea who insisted on driving down for the wedding. Chelsea was in her third trimester and couldn't fly but wanted to be there for Elliot and Olivia. This would be their first time seeing each other since Olivia was pregnant and she couldn't wait to see her.

"Where the heck is your stupid boyfriend?" Lizzie asked Lucy. "He was supposed to be here with the shoes for dad and Noah."

"Relax Liz, he's on his way. He just texted me and said he was like ten minutes away."

"Ok, so far I think everything is under control," Lizzie said to herself.

"Liz, come here for a sec," Elliot called from the table where he was finishing up his lunch.

"What's up dad?" she asked hurriedly.

"Come here, sit down and take a breath," he coaxed. Noah was in his lap and was watching Liz with the same look of concern that he was.

"Dad there is too much to do I don't have time to—"

"Liz. Sit. Down," he said more stern.

"Ok fine."

"Here." He pushed the rest of his sandwich towards her. "When's the last time you ate?"

"I had a cup of coffee for breakfast." She eyed the sandwich apprehensively at first but quickly dug in.

"You've got to calm down and eat and take care of yourself. We don't need you passing out at the altar."

"You're right. I just have to take deep breaths." She steadied her hands on the table and took deep breaths in a dramatic fashion that caused Noah to start laughing.

"I think your sister is losing it bud," Elliot whispered in the baby's ear.

"Everything just has to be perfect," she continued. "I want you and Olivia's day to be perfect."

"Honey it's going to be perfect. No matter if the flowers don't get delivered or the food tastes terrible it will still be perfect," he assured her.

"Wait did you hear something happened with the flowers because the last time I called them they said-," she panicked and he put his hands over hers to stop her.

"It was an example honey. Tomorrow will be perfect because I am marrying the woman I love, this little guy here," he said tickling Noah's little belly "will officially become a Stabler and all of my crazy kids will be there. So don't sweat the details, ok?"

"Ok youre right. I love you old man," she said standing up to kiss his cheek.

"Hey, who you calling old?"

"You. Although you will be the oldest person I know with a newborn and a toddler so maybe that does shave off a few years," she joked.

"Well gee thanks."

"Hey little guy let me give you a little advice," she said to Noah, "he may seem tough as nails especially when he hits you with that patented Stabler stare but inside he's just a big ole softie." She gave Elliot a little wink and went right back to drill sergeant mode.

An hour later she was on her way out and Dickie came in.

"I'm glad you finally decided to join us. What took you so long?"

"Shut up Liz, I had an offer for a house that I had to wrap up." His annoyance swiftly faded when he went over to Lucy and gave her a kiss.

"Ugh," Lizzie and Maureen said in unison.

"Ok everyone attention!" Lizzie called out. "I am getting ready to head out. Lucy, you and Dick brain will drive out later this evening and stay with us at Grandma's. Maureen and Jason are leaving first thing in the morning along with Dad, Noah and Olivia who insist on seeing each other before the wedding even though it's bad luck."

"They kind of have to see each other anyway for Noah's adoption hearing genius," Dickie teased.

"Anyway. Speaking of, Noah's ceremony will be at noon with some appetizers and champagne right after. I have something special for him to wear at both which I will bring with me tonight so you guys don't have to worry about that. I also have clothes for you and Olivia. There will be some time for everyone to go back to the hotel and unwind for a bit or spend a little time on the Jersey shore but everyone needs to be dressed and ready at 4:30pm because the wedding starts at 5pm. Dad you and the boys will be getting dressed at the hotel. The ladies need Grandma's house and under no circumstances will you see Olivia in her dress before she comes down the aisle. Understood?"

"Sir yes sir," he said giving her a salute.

"Ok heading out. See everyone tomorrow!"

"Ok Dad I'm heading out too. I have a few more errands to run and I'm going to stop and see Liv at the station to talk about some other things. See you tomorrow," Maureen said giving him a kiss. "Goodbye little guy." She kissed Noah and left.

After another hour went by and Olivia still wasn't home he decided to give her a call.

"Benson."

"Has it hit you yet?"

"Well clearly it has. I'm five months pregnant," she joked.

"Oh you are quite the comedian Lieutenant. Has it hit you that this will be one of the last times you answer your phone that way?"

"Not quite."

"How much longer will you be?"

"Are you missing me or something Stabler?"

"More than you realize."

"I'm sorry this is taking so long but I promise when I'm done this place will not see me for at least a week."

"I'm going to hold you to that and if I have to throw that phone of yours in the ocean I will."

"There there. No need for the dramatics. It will happen. Just you, me and a solid week of being alone. Speaking of which, do you plan on giving me a clue where we will be spending this time alone?"

"None at all. Just be surprised."

There was a knock on the door and Dickie got up to answer it.

"Someone's at the door..again. I'll let you go. I'll see you soon, hopefully."

"You will."

"Hello Mr. Cragen," Dickie said politely.

"Don, please. Call me Don. Nice to see you again Lucy," he said making his way into the living room.

"Hey Don, I wasn't expecting you," Elliot said bringing Noah to the living room so he could play on the floor.

"Yeah I just wanted to stop by for a few minutes and talk to you."

"Hey why don't me and Dickie take Noah to the park around the corner for a little bit?" Lucy suggested. She had a feeling that Don and Elliot needed to speak alone since Olivia often referred to her old boss as a father figure to her.

"Yeah sure. Thanks Lucy."

Once they walked out Elliot offered Don something to drink that he declined and motioned for him to sit with him at the table.

"What brings you by? Nervous about your important job tomorrow?"

"I'm not going to stay long I just wanted to talk to you alone. I figured tomorrow would be a bit hectic so I wouldn't have a chance to."

"You came at the right time. This is probably the only time all day that the house hasn't been full."

Don adjusted himself in the chair and paused for a moment preparing to speak.

"Elliot I never had children. Wanted them, came close but never had them. You and Olivia are the closest thing to children that I ever had. I know it was inappropriate to look at you guys that way when I was your boss but now that I'm not I figure it's ok," he said giving Elliot a tight smile.

"I watched that job do some crazy things to you both over the years. I hoped and prayed that neither one of you would end up like me. That you would've given so much of yourself to the job that you forget everything else. And I saw what was happening between the two of you. I saw that you two had fallen in love and didn't know how to deal with it. Olivia would be Olivia. She would never tell you and that's why I never fought her when she said she needed a new partner and when she ran. I know you wanted me to stop her but she needed to do what she needed to do."

Elliot nodded his understanding.

"And as for you," he said exhaling and Elliot smiled. "I knew you would hold on to your marriage with everything in you because that's you are. You try to do the right thing no matter how much it costs you and everyone around you. I just hoped that eventually you would realize that sometimes the right thing to do is just to let go. I kept quiet then and let things happen the way they did because it wasn't my place to say anything. Now I feel a little more comfortable giving a little fatherly advice."

"And what's that?"

"Ill say to you the same thing I said to her. Make sure you two always talk to each other, not at each other. You guys are going to continue to have obstacles and people who try to come between you. People you know and ones you don't. Never forget this," he said looking around, "is everything. She's trusted you with the most important thing to her, her son. I think he's one of the only reasons that after Lewis she didn't go down a similar destructive path you did after Kathleen. There's a lot of happiness around here but those demons are still there for both of you because of what you went through. Whenever they try to resurface and they will, just make sure you deal with them together. No matter what. Ok?"

"Ok. I will."

"There is no one better for Olivia than you. I've always thought that, even when I knew it wasn't right to think that way. You have managed to give her something she's always wanted. A family. I'm glad you guys found each other. Don't lose each other again. You guys were always better together than you ever were apart."

"We won't. I promise you. I can't imagine my life without her."

"Good. I won't keep you. I just wanted to say that."

"Thanks for coming by Don. I appreciate everything you have done for us over the years and thank you for agreeing to walk Olivia down the aisle. I know how much it means to her."

"Probably not nearly as much as it means to me."

Elliot saw him out and relaxed on the couch waiting on the kids to return with Noah. He surveyed the scene around him and took a few moments in the quiet of the apartment to himself. He hadn't had a moment alone in weeks it felt like with the wedding planning. As much as he enjoyed some quiet time every now and then to reflect he enjoyed the chaos much more. He glanced at the clock and saw it was 5:15pm. He couldn't help but think that in exactly 24 hours, he and Olivia would be married. It seemed so far away but yet so close.

XXXX

Dickie and Lucy returned with Noah a short time later and the little boy was starting to grow restless since he hadn't had a nap all day. He tried to put him down for a bit before dinner that evening so he wouldn't be so cranky. He took him to the nursery and began to rock him in the rocking chair to try and coax him to sleep.

"You know what buddy? I'm glad you and I got a little time alone together before tomorrow. There's a couple of things I want to say to you and I know I won't have time during the adoption proceedings tomorrow." Noah watched him intently while his little eyes tried hard to stay awake.

"When I came back in your mom's life I knew about you already and just hoped that we could have some type of bond. I never expected to love you the way that I do and I certainly never expected you to love me back," he said softly kissing the boy's forehead. He was so wrapped up in his talk with Noah that he didn't hear Olivia come in the door. She heard him in the nursery and couldn't help but listen at the door at the moment between father and son.

"I love you Noah just as much as I love all of my children. As your father I want you to know that I'm going to always try to do right by you but I will mess it up every now and then. Your brothers and sisters can attest to that for sure but I promise you that anything I do for you or to you will always come from a place of love. My intentions are always the best even though I don't always show it. I kind of mess up with that sometimes but good thing is I have your mom to keep me in line. She's pretty good about that you know." Olivia smiled to herself at that comment.

"I promise you Noah that I will love and protect you at all costs. I will lay down my life for you if I had to and I promise you that I will always take care of you and be there for you no matter what," he said with a tear streaming down his cheek. Elliot played with his fingers as he drifted off to sleep. "Your brothers and sisters are going to be there for you too. They love you so much already. If mommy and daddy drive you crazy, which we will, you have them to lean on too. So I figure between a mom that's a cop, a dad that's a FBI special agent, aunts who are attorneys and doctors, uncles that are cops, and your brothers and sisters, I'm thinking that you are pretty set kiddo. You also have something else that not many people have. You have a big sister that's your guardian angel. She's going to watch over you too all the time."

Olivia wiped the tears from her eyes as she listened to Elliot get up to lay Noah in his crib.

"I love you Noah Porter Benson Stabler and I couldn't be more proud to be your daddy."

XXXX

**Coming up: It's adoption and wedding time for the next few chapters.**


	48. The Best Day

Chapter 48: The Best Day

As much as she tried, Olivia didn't get much sleep. Pure adrenaline and anticipation took over and at 2am she gave up and kept herself busy with plans for the day. Ironically, Elliot slept like a log after she made it clear he would be getting no sex and they should save it for the honeymoon night. After several jabs about the jig being up while pointing to her pregnant belly, he eventually took no for an answer and drifted off to sleep. To keep herself occupied, Olivia went through her suitcase to make sure everything was in there including some ridiculously expensive bridal lingerie that Alex purchased for her that she insisted she wear on her wedding night.

She checked in on Noah who was sleeping soundly and thought back to Elliot's words to him a few hours ago. She was trying to save face and act as if she hadn't been snooping when Elliot walked out of the nursery a few minutes after but her tear stained eyes gave her away. She held him close and wanted to thank him for how much he loved her son and all the beautiful things he said but felt that there were no words she could think of that could express how she was feeling so her silence said it all.

As she moved about her apartment that she once bought with Cassidy she thought about just how ironic life truly was. It wasn't just her that had gone through so many changes and had life turn on its axis but Noah too. She nestled the copy of the name change form in her hand and laughed to herself. The boy that was once called "Baby Boy Doe" because he had no name now had four names. Noah Porter Benson Stabler. It seemed ridiculous for such a little boy to have so many names and Elliot questioned her about it but for her it was simple. Porter represented his biological mother and she never wanted to exclude him from that familial connection to her despite their brief time together. Olivia felt a sense of pride at having a child that bore her name so getting rid of Benson wasn't an option for her therefore they decided to have Porter and Benson as his two middle names and of course Stabler as his last. A name that would soon be her own.

It was only 4:30am when Olivia heard Noah stirring in his crib and whimpering. He usually didn't wake up until 7am so apparently he was just as excited as she was.

"Well hello there, what are you doing up so early little man?" she cooed to the little boy. He was bright eyed and wide-awake as opposed to being a little sleepy like she expected him to be. They were scheduled to get on the road pretty early so it helped that he wouldn't be cranky when she had to wake him up but hoped he would fall back asleep on the road trip.

"You must be excited too hunh? Well today is a very important day for you and mommy. Today we become Stablers and everyone is going to be there to celebrate with us. Your grandpa and your uncles and aunts and your crazy sisters and brothers," she said with a laugh. "So many people Noah who love us and wish us the best. We are going to have the best day," she said rocking him back and forth with happy tears streaming down her cheek.

"Yes we are," Elliot rasped from the doorway. He wrapped his arms around both of them and gave her a kiss on her forehead. "It's going to be one of the best days of our lives Liv."

After two hours of preparation including showers (separately since she was sure that Elliot wouldn't behave), breakfast and loading up the car, they were on the road to his mom's beach house.

Olivia stole glances at Elliot who was grinning while he drove and his happiness was infectious. She figured now was as good a time as any to tell him what she was thinking and was hoping it wouldn't ruin the mood.

"El?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeeeees," he dragged out in a playful tone.

"I want to talk to you about something and I don't want you to get upset."

He turned to her anxiously and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Are you cancelling the wedding or the adoption?" he asked seriously.

"Of course not!"

"Ok then I don't know what else could possibly make me upset," he said confidently.

"I'm glad you think that way. Soooo I've been thinking."

"Uh oh."

She slapped him on the arm, "I'm being serious El."

"Go for it Benson."

"Yeah it's about that."

She now had his undivided attention. "Let me guess you don't want to change your name," he said resigned.

"Well no, yes," she stumbled across her words. "I want to be a Stabler. I will change it legally I just don't think it's a good idea to change it professionally."

He sat quiet for a few moments so she continued. "I think it would be a mistake to change it this late in my career and I think it would be confusing for ongoing cases I'm working on plus I think people would assume that we have been having an affair this whole time and I just don't-"

"Liv, Liv stop. It's ok I promise," he laughed taking one of his hands from the wheel to squeeze hers.

"Really?"

"If you change it legally that's enough for me. As far as professionally, I get it. I really do."

"Yeah?" she asked still not believing him.

"Yeah. Your name is legendary with SVU and with the NYPD. You've really accomplished a lot Liv and I'm proud of you. You've done a lot to build your name, I wouldn't take that away from you."

"I don't know about legendary," she scoffed. "But thank you for being so understanding." She took off her seatbelt and leaned over to bury her head in his shoulder and began to rub on his thigh.

"Now can you do _me_ a favor?"

"After that, anything."

"Make sure you don't get so caught up in today's festivities that you forget to eat and take care of yourself."

"Of course I will. I can always eat later though," she said nonchalantly.

"You won't have time to eat later…or sleep," he responded with a mischievous grin.

She smiled back suddenly catching on to what he was implying. "And why is that?"

"Because," he struggled to keep his eye on the road and off her. "I plan on making love to my wife well into the night." He kissed her hair and her hand moved up his thigh close to his zipper.

"Mmm, is that so?" she moaned.

"Liv don't," he struggled to say. "Noah is in the backseat and I can't pull this car over."

"I didn't plan for you to. I told you no funny business until the honeymoon. Just keep your eyes on the road. You can multi task can't you?" she teased continuing to rub his thigh.

"Oh yeah…tonight you definitely won't be getting any sleep and there won't be anything funny about it."

XXXX

An hour and a half later, they pulled up to beach house and saw Liz outside waiting for them with cups of coffee in her hand.

"Good grief. She's like an energizer bunny on crack," Elliot said rolling his eyes.

"Like father, like daughter."

"Gooooood morning," Liz said in a chipper tone. "You guys are right on schedule. Here's some coffee for both of you, decaf for you Liv."

"Thanks. Where's your grandma?" Elliot asked.

As soon as the question left his lips he saw her.

"Well well well. Miracles do happen. I don't know which one is a bigger miracle, you agreeing to let me host this wedding or you getting your head out of your butt long enough to finally make a move on that beautiful partner of yours," Bernie said pulling him into a hug.

"Hey mom." They exchanged hugs and Bernie hastily made her way over to Olivia.

"And he made quite the move indeed," touching Olivia's stomach before pulling her into a hug.

Elliot and Bernie had one long conversation after agreeing to have the wedding at the beach house where he updated her on everything that had been going from Olivia and Noah to the new baby. Bernie and Olivia spoke briefly that night as well with Bernie making a sly comment that she knew they would end up together.

"Thank you again for agreeing to host all of this."

"It's my pleasure Olivia and you don't have to thank me again. I should thank you for letting me be a part of all this. It's rare that I get all this excitement in my life now a days you know?"

Olivia opened the backdoor to pull out a sleeping Noah.

"So this is my newest grandson. He's beautiful." She rubbed his hair and seemed to be lost in thought for a few moments but pulled herself out of it. Olivia and Elliot traded glances and she smiled to reassure him.

"Ok everyone let's get a move on. Today's a busy day!" Liz exclaimed.

XXXXX

Guests slowly started to arrive and were quickly impressed with the scenery surrounding Bernie's home. What was supposed to be an all afternoon affair turned into everyone wanting to change and hang out on the beach and take in the sights before the wedding. Lizzie was a bit annoyed at the change of pace but Olivia convinced her it was for the best. Olivia decided earlier that morning that she really only wanted the kids at Noah's adoption. The event seemed like something more intimate that should only be shared with the immediate family and Lucy because she had taken such good care of him over the past year.

Judge Linden arrived about an hour before the hearing and spent time mingling with the guests before spending a considerable time with Bernie in the kitchen talking. Elliot looked a little worried when he saw them chatting because of his mom's eccentricity but Maureen told him to relax and trust that everything would be fine.

They were all in separate rooms getting dressed and ready for the hearing with Liz going up and down the halls barking orders that all of them ignored. Lucy was in Olivia's room with her helping Noah to get ready.

"Someone sure looks handsome," Lucy commented as Olivia put the final touches on the ensemble.

"Oh you must be talking about me," Dickie interrupted. Lucy rolled her eyes and got out her camera phone to take a picture of Noah.

"I don't think she was but you look handsome too," Olivia commented. "Lucy do you mind taking Noah to Elliot and Eli's room so he can give him a once over before we head downstairs?"

"Sure," she replied looking over at Dickie who realized that Olivia was trying to speak with him one on one.

When Lucy left the room they stood for a few minutes before she finally broke the ice.

"Soo umm I know you and I haven't really gotten the chance to talk one on one since…well everything," she said nervously.

"No we haven't," he responded simply.

"I know that this may all seem like too much too fast and-," she started before he interrupted.

"Actually it seems like it's been too long."

His response shocked her.

"What do you mean?"

"I think under normal circumstances it may seem like it's all happening a bit too fast but I agree with my mom when it comes to her view of the situation," he said while Olivia looked on in confusion. "Look I get why you two didn't do anything. My dad can be a son of a bitch in a lot of ways but a cheater he's isn't. I wish you two would've figured it out as soon as we did but it is what it is. No hard feelings."

"Well ok then."

She was searching for more words to say to him but she felt like she was walking through a landmine and any wrong statement could potentially set off an explosion.

"Look Dick—I mean Richard. I want you to know that I really appreciate you being here and your support and everything. It means the world to me and even more so to your dad. I know that it hasn't always been the best between you two.."

"No it hasn't. I didn't understand why he did a lot of the things he did when I was younger. If I've learned anything though it's not to expect to understand why people do things but just focus on their intentions. I know my dad loves us and he wouldn't do anything to intentionally harm us. I just…hold on to that. He's always tried his best."

Olivia smiled with acknowledgement. "You're in therapy," she said as a statement more than a question.

"I see someone about once a month. I was going more frequently a few months after Kathleen died but it's tapered off some."

"Your dad doesn't know does he?"

"No, at least I don't think so. It seemed to work for him so I thought I would give it a try. Never really believed in it before but it's helped," he said sincerely.

"Yeah it does," she agreed.

"So it's helped you with….everything?" he asked referring vaguely to her ordeal with Lewis.

"Yeah it did. I don't think I would be where I am today if I didn't see someone."

She gave him a small smile and a pat on the back before getting up to walk towards the door.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for everything. You being with my dad is the best..for everyone. Plus, I know you talked to Lucy when she was a little mad at me."

"A little?" she joked earning a laugh from him.

"Yeah I guess I have a bit more of my dad in me than I realized."

"You do and that's not a bad thing."

"I know. It took me a few months of therapy to realize that but I know it now."

She was ready to walk out when she felt a tug on her arm. Dickie pulled her into a half hug that she turned into a full embrace. She tried to hold back her tears but ultimately lost the battle.

"I love you Richard Stabler. You've grown up to be a great young man," she said trying to swallow back tears.

"Me too Liv…and don't worry. I don't mind if you call me Dickie," he teased.

From down the hall Elliot witnessed the hug between the two of them and even though he didn't hear the dialogue he was glad to see they had the chance to talk alone. He felt the last piece of the puzzle fell into place before everything was finalized.

XXXXX

"Ok so is everyone present?" the judge asked glancing over Maureen, Eli, Dickie, Olivia, Noah, Elliot, Liz and Lucy.

Bernie and Liz got everything set up in the study off the kitchen area for the adoption hearing.

"Looks like it," Maureen responded looking around the room.

"Can I hold Noah's hand?" Eli asked Elliot who was holding the little boy.

"Well let's see what we can arrange."

He pulled up a chair for Eli to stand on which made him tall enough to hold Noah's tiny hand.

"I think we are missing one other person," Elliot said getting everyone's attention.

"Who?" Dickie asked confused.

"Liz, go grab your grandma. She should be in here too."

Liz paused for a moment with shock written all over her face. "Sure," she finally said.

Olivia smiled at him and his good will gesture towards his mom. It was too late for her and her mom to ever reconcile their differences but she was glad on this day where family was so important that he was extending an olive branch to his.

"Ok grandma's here," Liz announced with an emotional Bernie in tow.

"I—Ill just stand over here," she choked out trying not to cry and ruin the moment.

"Ok well it looks like everyone is here. Let's get started. Olivia do you have all of the paperwork back from your attorney?"

She stepped forward to put everything on the desk in front of the judge. "Trevor couldn't be here he had a prior engagement."

"That's certainly ok," she said putting on her glasses to review everything. "Looks like we are good to go. Elliot Stabler, you are agreeing to lawfully adopt this child?"

"Yes your honor."

"He will be treated no differently than your biological children and he will inherit from you. Do you agree?

"Yes I do," Elliot answered with tears welling up in his eyes.

"Ok. Well congra-."

"Wait hold up a second," Maureen interrupted. She looked over to Liz and Dickie prompting them.

"Umm well we wanted to say something if we could," Liz said hesitantly to the confused look of everyone else in the room.

"Of course you can," the judge responded.

"Noah, we just wanted you to know how happy we are that you are one of us now. So we got you something," Liz said pulling a package off the bookshelf that no one noticed before.

"It's a Stabler survival kit," Dickie explained. "You are definitely going to need one of these as a child of Elliot Stabler," he said to the amusement of everyone in the room.

"Easy son."

"Yeah it comes complete with an extra door knob for when he removes yours so you can't lock your door when you have friends over," Maureen added.

Liz jumped in, "And we have a toy phone here for you that we've already programmed like ours. We all have his personalized ringtone set to a siren which is the loudest one for whenever he calls because if you don't answer he will just worry and call you over and over,"

"And over and over again," Dickie and Maureen said in unison.

"And let's not forget the most important thing. A background check form for your friends to fill out. May as well have one on hand get their permission before dad runs it on his own so you aren't blindsided," Lizzie joked.

"Alright alright. I can't be that bad. You guys keep this up and the judge will change her mind," Elliot intervened holding up his hand to stop them.

"Just know that whatever he does. He does it because he loves you so much and he will always protect you," Maureen said beginning to tear up.

"And he cooks really good too," Eli added.

Elliot looked at Olivia who was now in tears as well.

Judge Linden watched the scene unfold in front of her in admiration. "I remember when Noah's case used to keep me up at night because this precious little boy was being shuffled from foster home to foster home and we didn't even have a name for him. You have managed to find yourself quite the family young man," she said touching his cheek. "Congratulations Noah Stabler."

"Thank you judge." Elliot shook her hand and kissed Noah on the top of his head before turning to Olivia and kissing her on the lips.

"Congratulations El."

"Thank you but we've got a long day ahead of us. This is just the beginning."

**A/N: Alright so Noah's a Stabler. What do you say we go ahead and make Liv one too? Ok good. Wedding come up in the next chapter….oh yeah and you know I love those reviews. Keep them coming.**


	49. I Now Pronounce you Husband and Wife

Chapter 49: I Now Pronounce you Husband and Wife

It was a little under an hour before the wedding was scheduled to begin and everything was in full swing. There was chaos in Olivia's room as everyone was running around getting ready and Lizzie was reminding everyone of the time every five minutes. Everyone was dressed except for Olivia who opted to wait as long as she could before putting her dress on in case she needed to run to the bathroom. Her hair was done and styled in a modest updo with a white flower pinned to the side. Her makeup was simple as well. After arguing with Lizzie and Casey for ten minutes about it, she insisted that she did not want to walk down the aisle looking like a person that Elliot didn't recognize.

In spite of all the noise and commotion around her, she managed to find a quiet spot on a wall length bench in the bedroom and found herself overlooking the beach. The crashing of the waves and the stillness of the atmosphere matched her serene feeling. After not sleeping the night before in anticipation, she was shocked at how peaceful she was. She didn't have the slightest bit of nerves and she mindlessly played with her engagement ring while watching the preparations for the ceremony on the sand below.

"Hey what are you thinking about over here?" Maureen asked sitting beside her.

"Nothing actually. Just taking it all in," she responded wistfully.

"Good for you. If I could give you any advice it would be for you and dad to just take some time together throughout the day to take it all in. It all goes by so fast, trust me."

"We will."

They sat quietly for a few instants before Olivia stole a glance at Maureen who was now watching the beach as well.

"You're thinking about her aren't you?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," she said sadly. "She would've loved to be a part of all this. I think that's partly why Lizzie is in drill sergeant mode. She's trying to take Kathleen's place or something because that would've definitely been her role if she was here," she laughed.

"Oh yeah I'm sure," Olivia agreed.

"Were you thinking about your mom?"

"Yeah a little. I don't even know if she would've wanted to be here with how everything was with me and her and the drinking of course but I think she would've liked your dad. She would've been a little slow to admit it but I think she would've." They squeezed hands briefly both silently willing the other not to cry.

"Ok ladies we are now almost within the 30 minute window for the ceremony to start," Lizzie announced.

"Thank you Miss Time Keeper," Maureen responded rolling her eyes.

"Anyway. Liv we need to be getting you in your dress soon," she said pointing to the sleeveless chiffon dress with the sweetheart neckline that hung on the back of the ensuite bathroom door. Olivia knew it was the right gown for her the second she saw it in the bridal shop. It was A-line so it didn't hug her bump and the material was light, flowy and perfect for the beach. It was simple and classic, just like her ring.

"Liv, you good?" Casey asked sensing her hesitation.

"Yeah," she responded simply.

"Well I know you are not a traditional girl but humor me here for a second," Casey said reaching for a small box. "We need to get you something borrowed, blue, old and new. I have a few things here."

"I have old and new covered. My engagement ring is new and El's Semper Fi medal he gave me is old." Lizzie was listening to the conversation and almost shuddered in horror. "Umm Liv, not to be a buzzkill because I know that necklace is really important to you but you absolutely cannot wear that with this gown. It would look all wrong."

Olivia and the rest of the ladies laughed in response. "She has a point Liv," Alex agreed.

"I know that so I got a smaller chain for it and I'm going to wear it as a bracelet. See," she said pulling it from some tissue paper in a box. "It matches perfectly."

"Whew thank God," Lizzie responded holding her chest dramatically.

"I think I have the something borrowed and blue covered," Bernie said from the door startling everyone. "I've been holding on to these for some time. No time like the present to share them." Everyone stood back while she made her way to sit across from Olivia and open the small black velvet box. Inside were the most beautiful earrings that she had ever seen.

"Oh my god…they're..I don't know what to say."

"These were my grandmothers. They've been in the family for ages. Right Maureen?" Bernie said prodding Maureen.

"That's right. I wore them at me and Jason's wedding, Grandma wore them at hers and now you will wear them. Keeping the Stabler family tradition alive."

Olivia struggled with words since she was so overcome with emotion but managed to thank Bernie.

"It's my pleasure dear. Thank you for everything you have done for my son. Not just over these last months but while you were partners too. I think he would've gone down the path of his father a long time ago if it wasn't for you. I have my son back and I know that you are a large part of the reason why," she said holding Olivia's hands in hers.

"You take good care of those earrings Liv. I'll need them for when I get married," Liz added trying to ease some of the sentiment in the room.

"Don't worry Lizard," Maureen said wiping away a stray tear. "By the time you get married, it will be Noah's wife that you need to worry about getting the earrings from, not Olivia." The room erupted in laughter to Liz's annoyance. She deflected Maureen's comment and addressed Olivia. "Do you still need a few minutes or can we get you in this gown?"

Olivia agreed and ten minutes later everyone was tearing up taking in her appearance showering her with compliments. A chorus of '_You look so beautiful' _and '_Elliot is going to be blown away'_ filled the room and all she could think of was that she couldn't wait to hear seven little words, "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

XXXXXX

There was nothing short of pandemonium on the men's side as well. They were at the hotel getting dressed and even though Liz was not there barking orders, she was blowing up her dad's cell phone every other minute with a question, comment or demand. If it wasn't her on his case, it was Dickie. You would never know they were twins because they didn't look that much alike but on days like this, it reminded him that they were.

"Dad, you aren't answering your texts. Liz wants to make sure you don't forget your vows. I can hold them for you if you like."

"I don't have them written down. They are all up here," he said pointing to his head.

"Oh shit, Liz is going to freak. I mean shoot," he corrected himself.

"I don't know why. I don't need to have it written down to know what I want to say to Olivia."

"Yeah but no offense dad you've never been the best with words," Dickie says to Elliot's chuckle.

"It'll be fine son."

"Alright Stabler. Get your ass up so I can make sure your tie and everything is straight. That's my job as co-best man right?" Eric asked. "I'm a grown man and this isn't my first rodeo. I'm pretty sure that I know how to check my tie."

"Ok good point. Are you nervous?"

"Nahh. Not at all actually," he said shaking his head. "I thought I would be but I'm probably cooler than I've been in awhile."

"Man remember when you first came to the team?" Eric laughs at the memory. "You were all nervous and uptight and shit so we tried to get you some tail thinking you just needed to unwind."

"I can't believe you guys did that," he reminisces. "It took a couple of weeks before I realized what the real deal was that you were a love sick fool and even longer for you to admit it to me." Elliot can't help but recollect how distant he was when he first joined the FBI and how the other agents looked on in shock when beautiful women would practically throw themselves at him and he would always turn them down. His thoughts were only of Olivia. He didn't know if she would ever forgive him for leaving the way he did but his sole focus was getting himself together so she could let him back in her life. Now here he was, an hour away from making her his wife. "I'm happy for you Elliot. Olivia's an amazing woman," Eric says breaking his reverie.

"Yes she is."

"I'm sure she can do much better but lucky for you she has low standards," Fin interrupts drawing laughter from everyone in the room.

"Yeah yeah," he responds waving him off. He gathers Noah and Eli together for another once over to make sure they are good to go. He gives the rings to Eli who says he will guard them with his life and looks very proud to be given such an important responsibility. Noah managed to take a nap in the middle of everything earlier so by the time he's dressed and they are about to go he's wide awake and alert.

"Ok. Let's head out to the limos," Dickie announces. "We need to be pulling off in the next five minutes or Lizzie is going to explode."

"How about a toast before we head over?" Munch announces. Everyone raises their glasses and Elliot holds up Noah's hand with his sippy cup in it. "Here's to Olivia…and her low standards."

"Cheers."

XXXXXXX

"Melinda can I have my cell phone for a second?" Olivia asks. She is in her wedding dress with her bouquet and they are getting ready to head downstairs. Melinda eyes her suspiciously at her request. "Why do you need it?" she asks worrying that she's trying to check work emails or make a work related call. "I just want to send Elliot a quick text. You can stand right here and watch me."

Melinda finally hands it over and she sends the text before handing it back. Melinda sneaks a peek at the text before putting the phone back in her purse. "Congrats Liv," she says and turns to head downstairs while Don walks up.  
"You look absolutely beautiful Olivia," he says trying to stop the tears that are threatening to come out.  
"Thank you Don."

"Are you ready to do this?"

"More than ready. Let's do it." She takes his hand and they make their way down the stairs to a small area near the study that's out of sight from the guests that are already seated. She looks around for signs of the guys but it looks like they aren't there yet.

"Before we go out there I just wanted to tell you…I—", she tries to choke out before Don interrupts her.

"I know," he chokes out. "Me too." He knows she loves him but he didn't want her to say it then when he was barely holding on to his tears.

Elliot's limo pulled up to the beach house and he watched the excited faces of his sons as they marveled at the decorations. Fin, Munch, Nick and Eric rode in a separate car while Elliot opted to spend his last few moments before marrying Olivia with his sons. It was a short ride but he appreciated having some quiet time alone with them and watching them interact. Lizzie managed to have the outside area all set up and wedding ready in the matter of a couple hours since they left to go to the hotel shortly after the adoption. It almost looked like a completely different house. As they got ready to exit the limo, Elliot checked his phone to see a text message from Olivia.

_I will see you soon at the altar. I'll be the pregnant one wearing the white dress. Oh and I can't wait to be your wife._

He smiles to himself when he reads the text. Finally neither one of them is walking out of the other's life. They are walking towards a life together.

XXXXX

Olivia takes a deep steadying breath before she walks down the short aisle. She's a bit nervous initially at all of the eyes staring at her as she begins to walk. She notices briefly the guests' reactions and phones being pointed at her taking pictures but when she sees Elliot at the end of the aisle, she doesn't see anyone else. Their eyes meet and she sees the stray tear that has escaped and he doesn't bother to wipe it away. Instead he stays solely focused on her with his arms folded in front of him.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" Judge Linden asks.

"I do," Don says in an even tone. He hugs Elliot and places Olivia's hand in his as they both step forward to stand in front of the judge.

While the judge goes through the normal wedding rhetoric, Olivia and Elliot are almost completely tuned out to the scene around them and tuned in to each other. She continues to stare at him and the intensity and emotion that she sees in the blue eyes that have watched over her for years and witnessed her in turmoil, pain, happiness and contentment brings on her own tears. In her eyes, Elliot sees the vulnerability and compassion he saw for years as her partner on the streets of Manhattan and the love he's experienced as her partner in life.

"Elliot and Olivia have prepared their own vows that they would like to read to one another. Olivia?" the judge prompts.

She takes another steadying breath before Alex hands her the vows she has written down and begins reading.

"Elliot. It's hard for me to remember a time when I didn't love you. I have never had a person that I felt like I could completely count on and trust with my life. There was a time in my life when I always asked myself "Why me?" "Why did certain things happen to me?" "Why was I always alone?" I couldn't see the light in the world because I was always surrounded by the dark…. and then you happened. It's like one day I woke up and my life had changed. You, Elliot Stabler, are my life and I don't sleep. You've seen every side of me, even the parts I don't always want to see. You are my other half. Be it good, bad or sick. Being your partner at SVU was an honor but being your partner in life is truly the greatest gift of all. So on this day in front of our children, family and friends I promise you that I will love you unconditionally, protect you fiercely and be your light in the darkness. P.S. I promise when things get rough, I will never ever run back to Oregon," she joked trying to regain her composure and people in the audience laughed while wiping away tears.

"You may now read your vows Elliot." He took a moment to gather himself after hearing her words so he wouldn't stumble all over himself.

"I didn't prepare anything before hand because I wanted to do something that I didn't do a lot in my past which is just speak from the heart. Olivia, there was such a long time in my life that I thought I never did anything right. I thought that any blessings I did have I didn't deserve so I didn't appreciate them and took them for granted, but when I stand here today looking at you and my children, I know I must have done something right. It wasn't that long ago that I was drowning in such a sense of loss and desperation that I thought I would never see the other side. One of the few things that kept me going was the hope that one day you would forgive me and let me back into your life. At best I hoped for your forgiveness and friendship but I…," he choked up and cleared his throat to continue. "I never thought that I would get not only those things but your heart too. You will probably have to convince me everyday that I deserve you but I promise you that I will always be there for you and protect you. I love you immeasurably. The limited time I have here would never give my feelings justice. You have every part of me Liv, my heart and my soul. I promise you that you can trust me with every part of you too. I will always be here for you because us as a whole is greater than the sum of our parts."

Olivia wiped away his tears and cupped his cheek when he finished.

The judge continued with the vows. "Olivia Benson do you take Elliot Stabler to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Elliot Stabler, do you take Olivia Benson to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Can we have the rings please?"

"I have them! I have them!" Eli shouted emphatically causing everyone to laugh.

"Olivia place the ring on Elliot's finger and repeat after me. This ring is my sacred gift, with my promise that I always love you, cherish you and honor you all the days of my life. With this ring I thee wed."

They both repeated after the judge and when it came time for Elliot to put the ring on Olivia's finger he whispered in her ear. "Look at the inscription inside."

She glanced briefly and saw the words that had meant so much to them. _Semper Fi_. The inscription was engraved inside his ring as well, a reminder that no matter what they were always faithful to each other in every way.

"By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. Elliot, you may kiss your bride," the judge announced to applause from the audience.

His hands framed her face as he kissed her on the lips tenderly. The kiss went on a little longer than normal and the cheers quickly turned to amusement.

"Ok ok dad," Dickie said while the judge looked on smiling.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Stabler."

After walking down the aisle arm and arm, Elliot pulled Olivia into the same small space that she and Don gathered when she was getting ready to walk down the aisle.

"Elliot what are we doing here? Don't tell me you are trying to get a quickie," she joked.

"No. I just..I want to just spend a moment with you before all the mingling and pictures and music," he said seriously placing his forehead against hers.

"Mmm, that's a good idea," she said. "Maureen said we should take a moment to ourselves."

"I actually gave her that advice."

"I guess I married a smart man," she said kissing him.

They held each other for a few more moments just breathing and taking in everything.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"You're my husband," she smiled up at him as if it was just hitting her. "Can you believe it? You're really my husband."

"Yes I am," he said. "And nothing makes me happier."

They held each other a little longer until Lizzie came barreling in. "There you guys are. Come on we need to take pictures before the reception."

"Can you give us a minute?" Elliot asked.

They started bickering and Olivia started to hold her stomach with a weird look on her face that got both of their attention.

"Liv? Liv? You ok? Is the baby ok?" he asked concerned.

"It's fine El, it's fine. It's just…kicking. The baby's kicking," she said in wonder. "Here, feel it," she said putting his hand to her belly. It took a minute but he finally felt the slight movement. "Isn't it amazing?"

"Yes it is," he agreed placing a kiss on her lips.

"Can..can I feel?" Lizzie asked timidly.

"Yes of course you can. Come here honey," Olivia responded motioning her over. She positioned Lizzie's hand where she thought she could feel the movement and after a moment Lizzie jumped back in delight at feeling the kick.

"I felt it. She's ok, she's really ok in there," she repeated in amazement. "My sister's ok."

"Yes the baby's ok honey," Olivia said rubbing her arm and reassuring her. "Everything is going to be fine."

"So you are on the girl bandwagon too hunh?" Elliot teased putting his arm around her and kissing her head.

"Not really. I'm sorry dad. I peeked at the gender results, I couldn't help myself," she said looking guilty.

"You mean.."

"Yeah. It's a girl," Lizzie announced. "And most importantly she's ok."

XXXXXXX

**Author's Note: So they are finally married. Hope you enjoyed. I snuck a little something something in those vows. I think only Chriska fans will notice ;-) **

Coming up: Now that they are married, let's party. Time for a reception and a honeymoon….but don't you hate when unexpected guests show up to weddings? Don't worry, don't worry, they won't ruin the party. It's all happiness and love..I promise…but twists are fun.


	50. Make you Feel my Love

Chapter 50: Make you Feel my Love

**A/N: To answer some reviewers question from the last chapter:**

_'__He is my other half, be it good, bad or sick'_

_'__One day you wake up and your life changes. Chris Meloni is my life and I don't sleep'_

_-Mariska Hargitay_

_'__I love her immeasurably. My limited time here would never do my feelings justice'_

_-Chris Meloni_

XXXXX

After taking pictures on the beach with the family, Elliot and Olivia made their way to the reception, which was in full swing. The band was some of Lizzie's college friends and Elliot was a little weary at first but backed down once she assured him that they would only play for about an hour. The lead singer of the band, who Dickie revealed Lizzie had a crush on, would DJ the rest of the reception with songs they all chose.

"Olivia the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. Congratulations," Chelsea said hugging her. Olivia rubbed her baby bump that was quite substantial as she was entering the last leg of her pregnancy. "Thank you for taking the time to come out here. I know you've been pretty tired lately."

"We wouldn't miss it for the world," she said putting her arm around Eric's waist.

"You did great up there man. I wasn't sure about that whole vows off the top of your head thing but it was pretty smooth," Eric commented giving him a fist bump.

"What can I say? I am a natural romantic," Elliot joked.

Olivia's hand went to her stomach when she started to feel the baby kick again.

"Oh my god, is the baby kicking?" Chelsea squealed reaching out to try and feel.

"Yeah she just started today, right after the ceremony actually."

"She?"

"We just found out we are having a girl," Elliot explained. "Lizzie spilled the beans."

"Congrats man. I look forward to seeing you try to fight off teenage boys while you are in your 60's," Eric teased.

"I know I know, I'll have to keep my workout routine going as long as I can."

"Or your daughter could always marry our son," Chelsea offered.

"If that little boy is anything like his dad, Ill definitely have to keep my workout routine up."

They all laughed and Olivia and Chelsea engaged in some pregnancy small talk before they moved around the reception mingling with the rest of their guests. The band was playing some upbeat songs that they didn't recognize but everyone was getting on the dance floor and were having a great time. Olivia took notice that Amanda and Nick seemed to come to the wedding together and were dancing together.

"Are you worried about that?" Elliot asked when he noticed her watching them.

"Yes and no. Nick's a good guy. I know he would take care of Amanda and would be good for her. Professionally yeah I'm a little worried but it is what it is and I'm definitely going to be worried about it today," she said turning around and wrapping her arms around his neck.

She leaned in for a kiss but was quickly interrupted.

"Alright alright break it up Stabler," Alex called from behind them.

"Hey she started it this time, not me," Elliot explained.

"I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about the newest Stabler here," she said pointing to Olivia and hugging her. "Congrats to both of you. I just don't even know what to say. It's been both an honor and a headache watching you two over the years but I'm glad you figured it out. Gives us all a little hope."

"Thanks Alex."

Olivia left to go to the bathroom and was surprised by a familiar voice as she got ready to head back outside.

"Well if it isn't the blushing bride."

"Simon!?" Olivia said in disbelief.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. I got caught in traffic and…well anyway. I brought a guest with me," he said stepping back to reveal his five-year-old daughter who was also named Olivia. "Honey this is your Aunt Olivia. You haven't seen her in a few years since you were a baby."

The little girl beamed at her when she realized they shared a name.

"Hi Auntie Olivia," she said shyly.

"Hello sweetie. You've gotten so big," she said through tears. "Can I have a hug?"

They hugged briefly and she felt Olivia's pregnant belly with a little apprehension. "It's ok sweetie you can feel. See?" She took her hand and put it on her stomach and she smiled. "I'm going to have a little girl that you can play with in a few months. She's going to be your cousin."

"A girl?" Simon asked. "That's great news Olivia. I'm going to have a niece."

"Yes you are."

"Speaking of," he said looking around to see if anyone was close. "The medical history we talked about on our father.."

"Wait, hold on a second." She ushered her niece out to the back steps where Lucy quickly saw her and brought her over with the other children. She didn't want to have such a serious conversation in front of her. Olivia had reached out to Simon shortly after her initial series of tests and after playing phone tag they finally touched base. He said he had to do some research and would get back to her.

"She will be ok out there. There are plenty of other kids here for her to play with," she said assuring him. "So what did you find out?"

Simon paused for a moment and she immediately got nervous.

"Just tell me. Do I need to go and get Elliot? He should be here for this."

"Liv, Liv it's fine. It turns out being an asshole was our dad biggest issue. There was the alcoholism and his grandfather had heart problems and that was mostly because he didn't take care of himself. Nothing else."

She sighed in relief and gave him a hug. "Oh thank god."

"You can't be stressing yourself out sis. You gotta keep it together for my niece in there."

"Listen to your brother Olivia," Elliot said walking in. He and Simon shook hands and he stood behind her.

"I was just telling her the news. Nothing in the bloodlines except the obvious alcoholism and some heart issues with my great grandfather."

"That's good news. Thanks Simon for looking into that," Elliot said while placing a kiss on Olivia's forehead.

"I was glad to do it. Thank you guys for inviting me. I know that…I know you haven't always liked me much..," he started.

"Water under the bridge," Elliot interrupted holding his hand up to stop him. "I was just looking out for Liv. I was worried and I know I probably didn't show it in the right way.."

"Yeah and I surely made it easy for you to worry," Simon added.

"Well we all make mistakes. We're here now. Come on outside, they are getting ready to do the speeches."

"Simon you go ahead, give us a minute," Olivia said turning around and wrapping her arms around his waist. "Thank you for that."

"Don't mention it. We are all family now. I haven't always agreed with what the guy but we've all done our damage. He seems like he's in a better place."

They kissed for a few moments before they were interrupted.

"Dad, Lizzie is on the prowl. You and Liv better get outside," Maureen announced.

"We are on the way."

Elliot and Olivia sat down at their designated tables where he kept piling food on her plate and winking at her when she would pass him a questioning look. He wanted to make sure she was well fed and full of energy for their honeymoon night. She smirked back at him when she realized what he was doing. They sat through a few speeches including Casey's tipsy speech about all the women at the DA's office who had a crush on Elliot and were scared of Olivia. They were both legitimately squirming when Fin and Munch made a speech because it was Fin and Munch. Munch gave them advice saying he was the expert because he had gone through four marriages while Fin quickly pointed out that all of them ended in divorce so he shouldn't be giving anyone any advice on staying married. Fin threatened Elliot yet again and told him to make sure he continues to make Olivia happy or he would kick his ass. He even flashed his gun for good measure. The last speech of the night was saved for the kids who all took the stage together much to Elliot and Olivia's surprise.

"Is everyone having a good time tonight?" Lizzie yelled out to the audience in her best MC voice and everyone started clapping except for Maureen who grabbed the microphone away from her annoyed. This was supposed to be a sentimental speech and she didn't want Lizzie's antics to overshadow that.

"We didn't really have anything prepared to say we just wanted to welcome Olivia to the family and say that we love you both so much and couldn't be more happy for you," she said wiping at stray tears. "Damn hormones I'm sorry," she added to everyone's amusement and passed the mic back to Lizzie. "Dad and Liv I just wanted to say sorry for acting like a drill sergeant for the past month, I just wanted today to be as perfect as possible for both of you because you deserve it. Liv, we are so excited to have you officially a part of the Stabler clan and we love you very much," she said getting surprisingly emotional. Olivia mouthed '_I love you' _back to her.

"I want to say something," Eli exclaimed reaching for the mic. "Daddy and Olivia I love you very much," he said simply and covered his mouth bashfully when the crowd started to clap. Olivia was in full on tears at this point and Elliot put his arm around her to try and comfort her. "Noah would you like to say something?" Maureen asked him to light chuckles from the crowd. "Night," he said rubbing his eyes and pushing the mic away from him. He was starting to get sleepy so Maureen picked him up.

"I want to say something," Dickie said reaching for the mic and Maureen and Lizzie exchanged glances. He wasn't normally the type to speak in front of a crowd or get gushy so they didn't expect him to say anything.

"I just want to ummm.. repeat what my brothers and sisters said that we want to welcome Liv to the family and ummm…we love you both." He was looking down at the ground with his left hand in his pocket and cleared his throat. Olivia recognized the body language because it reminded her a lot of Elliot when he was trying to reel in his emotions. "Dad doesn't know this but about five years ago after dad and I got into it pretty bad I was in my room and I was packing to leave. I didn't know where I was going I just knew I had to get out of that house and I wanted to get away from him. My sister Kathleen came in and saw what I was doing and she umm stopped me," he said clearing his throat again. "She had me tell her what happened, I told her and thought she would be on my side and she told me one day I would get it. That everything dad did would all make sense to me..and it finally does. My dad is the best man I know," he said looking directly at Elliot who let two tears fall down his cheek. "He's a man that puts his own needs and happiness aside for the sake of his family and to do the responsible thing. Liv, my dad loves you more than life itself. Thank you for helping him find his happiness." He handed the mic back to Lizzie who pulled him into a hug. The crowd erupted in cheers and there wasn't a dry eye in the house including Elliot who made his way to the small platform to hug his son.

"Thank you son. That was..that was."

"All true. Every word of it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner dad."

He and Olivia exchanged hugs as well.

"This one looks like he is completely worn out," Olivia said rubbing Noah's hair as she held him.

"How about I go lay him down dear? I lwill ay with him for a little while too. I'm kind of tired myself," Bernie offered.

"Are you sure? You don't have to."

"It would be my honor. I need to get more acquainted with my grandson anyway," she countered giving her a wink.

"Ok it's time for the first dance for the happy couple," Lizzie announced. "DJ do you have the song ready?"

"Oh god, there's no telling what song it is," Elliot said rolling his eyes. "I can't believe we left them in charge of the music selection. It could be Sexual Healing or something if Dickie had anything to do with it."

"Well not all of the music selection. This one I picked out myself," she said winking and pulling him to the middle of the dance area.

Within seconds, the opening notes of Adele's "Make you feel my love" filled the air and Elliot's face glowed with recognition.

"You chose this?" he asked as he put his hand on the small of her back and they started to sway back and forth.

"Lizzie gave me some songs to choose from but I didn't go with any of them. I already had an idea of what song I wanted. This song reminded me of us the very first time I heard it years ago. It's..perfect. I love you Elliot," she said with more tears filling her eyes.

"I love you too," he choked out. They danced with their foreheads touching gazing in each other's eyes as they let the lyrics of the song wash over them.

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear,_

_And there is no one there to dry your tears,_

_I could hold you for a million years_

_To make you feel my love._

As they swayed around the dance floor, everyone looked on taking pictures of them and murmuring about happy they looked. There was another onlooker from in the distance that no one noticed who watched with their own tears falling at the scene but for a different reason.

When Adele's song ended, Rascal Flatts "Bless the Broken Road" immediately followed. A song that Maureen announced was her pick for them to dance to. While the song played they both couldn't help but think about everything that brought them to this moment of dancing as husband and wife. All the years of denying how they felt about one another, their family drama, work drama and being apart for four of the hardest years of their lives to end up back in each other's arms. It was all a dream come true.

Once everyone hit the dance floor a few minutes later, Olivia tapped Elliot's shoulder to look over at the edge of the dance floor to Lucy and Dickie who were dancing together and looking very much in love. "Do you think we will be attending another wedding soon?" Olivia joked.

"Either that or another birth," he joked and she playfully slapped him on the back.

"He's grown up to be such a good man. You've done a good job with him El," she said seriously.

"That speech…I didn't even know what to say. The words he said…"

"He meant every word. I talked to him too you know? Before the wedding. One day I want you to finally get in that thick head of yours that you are a good father. Your kids love you. I think all the trouble they went through to put this wedding together should show you that."

"I thought you liked my thick head," he teased.

"El, I'm serious."

"I know I know. I'm getting there baby. The guilt doesn't just go away overnight but today went a long way in helping it dissolve a little more."

"Good."

"Soooo, do you need something else to eat?"

"No!" she yelled. "You've fed me enough."

"I'm just saying Mrs. Stabler you have a very long night ahead of you. Just want to make sure you are up for it," he said giving her a long languid kiss.

She pulled back from him a little breathless, "I'm up for anything you are ready to give me old man."

"We'll see."

XXXX

Bernie had every intention of just laying with Noah for a few minutes until he fell asleep but she ended up dozing off as well. She woke up about thirty minutes later to go and rejoin the reception. She stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of water before heading back outside and looked out over the scenery. It was dark now and the party was still in full swing with lights around the area keeping the area fully lit along the dark beach. She glanced over near the cars for a split second when headlights caught her attention. She immediately recognized the car and the person inside and decided to go pay them a visit.

"Well I was wondering if you were going to show up honey," Bernie said startling Kathy who didn't see her walk up. "I was a little surprised when they mentioned they invited you but I figured you would come for the children's sake and here you are."

"Yeah parked in a car," she said sniffling. Bernie handed her a tissue. She came outside with some figuring they would be put to good use. "How do I do this Bernie? I tell myself everyday that I'm ok with this and I accept this. I don't want Elliot back. I'm not in love with him anymore but I…..it's hard to see him move on and be so happy when I'm still…"

"Unhappy?" Bernie asked.

"I'm not unhappy I'm just kind of…stagnant I guess. I'm figuring it out but Elliot's always had it figured out. He knew he wanted to be with her and build a family with her. I don't quite know what I want to do or if I want to even get married again," she rambled while Bernie stayed perfectly quiet. "I feel like my marriage to Elliot took so much out of me I don't know if I could do it again."

"You will know when the time is right. Don't feel like you have to get married just because Elliot did. You pace yourself, give yourself some time. It will all work out the way it's supposed it."

They sat in silence a little longer.

"It looked like a beautiful ceremony. The kids did a great job."

"Yes they did. They are really happy for them."

"Good," Kathy said genuinely. "I never want to begrudge them being close with their father or Olivia for that matter. I wanted to come today to show them that it's really ok and we can all be in the same room and be happy for each other."

"But you are sitting in the car," Bernie noted.

"Yeah. I've been trying to get out for the past 15 minutes. I never planned to come to the ceremony but I at least wanted to come to the reception. I've stayed out here long enough to see that my son and Lucy are getting pretty serious," she chuckled.

"Oh yeah. She's a lovely girl though. Olivia speaks very highly of her and she takes great care of Noah."

"Do you really think it's ok for me to go in?" Kathy asked timidly.

"Come on honey. It's more than ok."

XXXXX

Olivia was happy to see that Elliot didn't try to shove cake in her face when they cut the cake. She made it clear to him that if he tried that, they wouldn't be having a long night after all.

"Ok, we've taken pictures, danced, done speeches, cut cake and all the token traditional stuff that I never thought we would do. Is it time to go now?" Elliot asked pulling her in for a kiss.

"Are you going to finally tell me where we are going?"

"Nope. Still a surprise."

"Well in that case, I think Lizzie wanted to start a Conga line. Let me go and get her," she joked and Elliot quickly pulled her back.

"You are quite the comedienne Mrs. Stabler."

"Thanks. Ladies and gentlemen I'm here all night and I charge 10 bucks admission," she said holding her hand in the air.

"Baby if that's all you are charging for admission then we have a bigger problem."

"Haha," she said kissing him. "Come on let's say goodbye to a few people and get ready to head out."

When they turned around to head for the guests they both simultaneously spotted Kathy and Bernie walking towards them. Elliot instinctively wrapped his arm around Olivia.

"Oh wow. Olivia you look absolutely beautiful," Kathy said genuinely. "The dress is stunning. You can barely tell you are pregnant."

"Thanks. The girls helped me pick it out. Thank you…for coming tonight."

Elliot watched the exchange between the two women preparing himself for any sign of tension.

"It's no problem. The kids really wanted me to be here so…" she didn't finish the statement and looked over to Elliot.

"They really did and we appreciate you coming," he said hugging her. "Do you want some food or anything? There's plenty," he said politely.

"I'll probably get something in a bit but I wanted to give you this. It's a wedding and baby present."

"Oh wow thank you," Olivia said beginning to open the box.

"You don't have to open it now," Kathy countered.

"No I want to." Olivia pulled off the paper and opened the box to reveal a pink patchwork quilt and a stuffed elephant that Elliot recognized immediately but Olivia was still in the dark.

"My daughter has a bit of a big mouth and told me about the baby being a girl and that it would be revealed at the wedding tonight so I thought it would be ok to bring these by. They were Kathleen's favorite blanket and toy when she was a baby," she said. Olivia was stunned and speechless holding her hand over her mouth.

"I'm sorry if it's creepy or…"

"Absolutely not, no, I just don't know what to say. I'm so grateful. This baby will have a part of her sister with her all the time so thank you thank you so much," she said hugging her.

"I sewed that blanket myself for Katie," Bernie added. "I didn't realize you all kept it."

"She wouldn't go to sleep without that thing," Elliot recalled meeting eyes with Kathy. "Thank you."

"Mom you're here?" Dickie asked walking over holding Lucy's hand.

"I most certainly am and it looks like you have someone for me to meet," Kathy said looking at Lucy.

"Mom this is Lucy."

"It's nice to meet you Ms. Stabler."

"Call me Kathy please and from the looks of it you may be calling me mom soon," she said winking at Elliot and Olivia.

"Aww mom, don't embarrass me," Dickie said putting his hand over his face while everyone laughed at his expense.

XXXXXX

After saying goodbye to their guests and Noah who would be spending the week with Maureen, Elliot and Olivia left in a limo headed to a nearby hotel. She tried to pry out of him where they would be spending their honeymoon but he didn't tell her. The only thing she knew was that they would be spending the night in a hotel and flying out the next morning to their destination for the week. Once they arrived at their room at the hotel, Elliot insisted on carrying her over the threshold.

"El, I really don't think this is necessary," she argued.

"Sure it is. We've been traditional all night, why stop now? Besides I think my back can take it," he joked.

"And just for that you can forget it!"

She tried to turn on her heels to hurry and open the door but he scooped her up and grabbed the keycard from her hand. She squealed in surprise but eventually relented and let him carry her in the room.

The suite was decorated to perfection and was very romantic. There was non alcoholic champagne on ice, rose petals spread over the bed and someone who was alerted to their impending arrival lit candles. The room also had a fantastic view of the water.

Elliot kissed Olivia while he walked with her in his arms to the bed. He knelt down in front of her and they locked eyes while he began to slowly remove her shoes.

"Do you want a drink or anything?" he offered.

"No," she responded breathlessly. "I just want you."

XXXX

Coming up: You all know what's next…honeymoon time. You know these two can't keep their hands off each other ;-)


	51. Dream Come True

Chapter 51: Dream Come True

_"No," she responded breathlessly. "I just want you."_

"Great answer," Elliot responded kissing and rubbing her feet as he removed each of her shoes. She watched him closely, his slow fluent moves making her relaxed and overcome with anticipation at the same time.

"Come here."

He pulled her into a standing position and perused her body from head to toe.

"If I forgot to tell you earlier or forget to tell you later, you looked absolutely beautiful tonight."

His low throaty whisper was full of arousal and wonder and Olivia couldn't find her voice to respond. She was completely caught up in him and the atmosphere of the room.

He moved an inch closer to her and began to slowly sweep his hand down from her forehead rubbing the side of her face and landing on her chin. He tipped her chin up to force her eyes on his. Her lips were slightly parted and when she met his eyes she saw a heady mix of love and arousal. He gave her a soft kiss and turned her around so her back was to his chest.

Olivia's breathing changed and she started taking slow shallow breaths. She waited for him to unzip her dress but instead his fingers were in her hair. The unexpected move caused her breath to hitch. He rubbed his hands through her hair before finding the pins and taking them out one by one. There were only a few, a calculated move on Casey's part to make sure that she wouldn't have a complicated hairstyle to take out for this very moment. Once he took out the last pin, her hair fell in curls and landed a little past her shoulders. He brushed his fingers through her hair making contact with her bare back. Her eyes shut and she leaned into his touch aching for more of his rough hands on her soft skin.

"You ok?" he whispered.

"Yeah." Her voice was so low, she wasn't sure he heard her but he continued on.

He caressed her skin back and forth in a tortuously slow pace and delighted seeing the goosebumps form all over her skin from his touch.

"So beautiful," she heard him whisper.

His hands played around at her zipper for a few moments and then she finally felt it descend and the air began to cool the rest of her back. A few of his fingers touched her warm skin while he worked on removing her dress and she almost jerked from the sensation it stirred in her. The dress pooled at her feet and he took her hand to help her step out of it. She was left in a strapless bra that showed off her ample cleavage and white lace panties. Olivia thought for a brief moment about the lingerie that Alex brought her and how she wanted to wear it for their first time as husband and wife but figured she would have to wait to wear it at some point during their honeymoon. She didn't want to interrupt the mood he was setting.

Elliot stepped behind her once again. She could feel his erection pressed against her and moaned.

With her back against him, he kissed her hair and moved slowly down placing warm open mouth kisses to her neck and her shoulder. She was finding it hard to stand still, the combination of his hands, his breath and his lips too much for her to bear.

"I got you Liv," he whispered in her ear and wrapped his arm around her to help hold her in place.

Hearing his seductive voice only turned her on more and she felt as if her knees were going to buckle beneath her.

His mouth continued at an unhurried pace down her body. When he reached her the top of her spine she moaned. He kissed down her spine and paused when he got to her ass that was barely covered in her thin white lace underwear. He put his hands into her underwear and squeezed gently before continuing his descent down both of her legs.

Olivia's eyes were screwed shut, her head was tossed back and a sheen covered her body. Although she could tell the room was a comfortable temperature she was beginning to feel more and more warm. She was taking in every moment and every kiss, lick and nip that he was making on her body. She wanted to look at him but she thought it would be too much. Her underwear were now useless and she knew he could tell she was soaked through even though he hadn't touched her there yet.

He was now on his knees fully dressed and making his way to the front of her.

"Liv, baby look at me," he rasped. She took a few quick breaths to steady herself before locking eyes with him. He gave her a lazy smile and stood straight up on his knees in front of her putting him eye length with her pregnant belly.

He rubbed her belly a few times before kissing it tenderly.

"I love you little girl," he whispered.

His hands moved up to squeeze her breasts and her sensitive nipples were aching against her bra.

"El, please," she whimpered throwing her head back.

Hearing her cry out spurred him on and he put his hands in the waistbands of her panties pulling them down her legs.

The air hitting her center gave her temporary relief and she took in a deep breath but her core was throbbing to be touched. He gave her one long kiss there inhaling her scent then stood up. Her eyes were still closed and he knew she was ready but he wasn't done with her yet.

"Please. I need you," she whispered again against his lips tasting a faint hint of herself.

"We don't have to rush," he rasped putting her hair behind her ears. "We have forever baby."

His words sobered her and he gave her a long languid kiss. His tongue explored every crevice of her mouth. While he kissed her he took off her bra and she moaned when her sensitive taut nipples made contact with his shirt.

He finally pulled back and stepped back a few feet from her watching her completely naked in front of him. Her skin was flushed and warm and he could sense that she was a little shy under his scrutiny.

"Come here," she said her voice betraying her nervousness.

"One minute. I just want to look at you."

She was becoming more comfortable while watching him look at her. Her apprehension slowly faded away when she saw his lips slowly lift up to a smile admiring her. She flashed him a flirty smile in return.

"You're wearing too many clothes Mr. Stabler," she said seductively. "Doesn't really seem fair does it?"

He grinned at her, a real genuine grin that she only got used to seeing in the last months. It wasn't present much during their partnership.

"You have a point Mrs. Stabler. Allow me to remedy that situation."

Still standing in the same spot staring at her, he began to undress for her. He took off his jacket and toed off his shoes. When he got to his shirt he suddenly felt the need to hurry and even the playing field. At the site of his bare chest, Olivia let out a low groan. She had seen his bare chest so many times but she always amazed at the sheer beauty of his muscles and the sturdiness of his frame. He was all man and she appreciated every contour and every ridge of his chest, arms and back. The man was truly a vision, sexy and all hers.

She began to sway slightly when she saw him grasp the button on his pants. He pulled down his pants and his underwear at the same time revealing his extraordinary erection. She instinctively licked her lips at the sight of him and dragged her eyes the length of his body taking him in.

"Are you finished staring?" he asked her playfully.

"Are _you?_" she shot back.

"Never," he said moving to stand back behind her. He nudged her forward towards the full-length mirror that was near the window of the room.

He squeezed her breasts and kneaded her nipples with his thumb extending them while placing while kissing her neck. She instinctively rubbed her ass against his erection and her head feel back in ecstasy. He flicked his thumb across the pebbled nubs and kissed her shoulder.

"That feels so good," she moaned.

His left hand continued to work her breasts while his right hand traveled down to her waist. She spread her legs in anticipation for his hand to land on her core and he didn't disappoint. He teased her opening and she turned her head to the side, her frantic kisses landing on his cheek and jaw.

"Please," she finally whispered. He obliged. He sank his middle finger in between her folds and let out a harsh whistle at how wet she was.

"Oh baby, you are so wet. So wet for me," he whispered turning his head and capturing her lips.

Olivia was panting feeling his finger move in and out of her. His hand was working her breast, his finger was inside her and she felt his erection on her back. The senses were all too much and she felt herself begin to tighten around him. He added a second a finger that stretched her and she tried to grab onto his thigh to keep herself steady. His thigh was sweaty as was the rest of his body so she couldn't get a good grip on him.

"El, shit," she cursed.

"You feel so good baby," he whispered in her ear. "So damn good. " His thumb swiped her clit one time and she felt the explosion inside of her rising.

"You're so close. I can feel it Liv." She tried hard to concentrate on his words but all she felt was his fingers and his body all over her. She felt like she was sweating and her vision was getting blurry. She knew she was going to come hard and was nervous that she wouldn't be able to keep her balance.

"It's ok, I've got you. I've always got you. Forever."

She put her right arm around his neck frantically trying to get a grip.

"Look in the mirror baby. Look at you," he whispered.

She tried to get her bearings together long enough to force her eyes open and look straight ahead. He eased the pressure lightly between her legs and she was finally able to look in the mirror. It took a few moments for her to focus and her eyes landed on his.

Elliot's blue gaze was fixated on her and she was momentarily entranced by the look in his eyes and the vision of their naked bodies in the mirror locked together. Her eyes drifted from his to his ring covered hand rubbing her belly and down to his other hand working in and out of her. That was all it took. She shattered around his fingers and gripped the back of his neck tightly trying to hold on during the convulsions. Elliot struggled to keep his fingers through the spasms.

"Keep coming baby. I got you."

Olivia groaned while struggling to keep her balance as the sensations rolled through her and she didn't know when they would stop.

After a few minutes her breathing started to regulate and he rubbed her belly and kissed her hair waiting for orgasm to subside.

"That was…that was," she struggled to say licking her dry lips.

"Just the beginning," he finished for her. Before she could register what he said, he took her hand and sat her down on the edge of the bed.

She put her flat palms slightly behind her and proceeded to scoot further into the bed. He grabbed her waist and held her in place.

"El?" she questioned. He was kneeled down in front of her massaging her thighs and legs.

"Shhh." He kissed her lips again and began to trail kisses down her neck and chest. She hissed when he pulled her sensitive nipple into his mouth. The feeling was almost too much and she thought she would come from just that. He switched to the other breast and every flick of his tongue on her nipple sent a surge of wetness between her legs.

Elliot's erection was throbbing but he wasn't through with her. He wanted to make her come as many times as he could hold on before entering her. He was still mesmerized by how responsive her body was to him. The more she came and reacted to his touch, the more he wanted to test her and bring her to the brink.

He sank back on his knees and grabbed her upper thighs spreading her legs and opening her up intimately to him. Before she could make a sound of protest his tongue was inside her.

"Oh fuu—shit," she cursed. Her head was thrown back and she fell back limply on to the crisp cool sheets. When he flicked his tongue across her bundle of nerves she arched off the bed. "Elliot!" she screamed.

"Hmmmm," he moaned against her. The vibration of his voice caused a chill to run through her contrasting with the heat that was enveloping her. He licked the length of her and continued to plunge his tongue in and out. She was throwing her head side to side on the sheets trying to grasp some semblance of control but the feeling was almost too much and not enough at the same time. All her focus was on the feeling he was inciting between her thighs and as she got closer to climax she put her hand on his head and rocked back and forth against his talented tongue.

"Oh god," she cried out as she felt herself building again. Elliot could tell she was close and put his index finger inside of her while continuing to work his tongue. He curled his finger slightly and she quickly came apart and her legs shook in his arms. He lapped up the juices that poured out while she came down from her high.

She tried to form sentences but the orgasms left her exhausted and her eyes were low when he stood over her.

"Scoot back for me," he whispered moving his body on top of her. She hesitated not trusting her legs to have the strength to cooperate. Elliot kissed her softly while hovering over her and a new wave of desire coursed through her veins. She deepened the kiss and their tongues were wrestling for dominance. She scooted back until her head landed softly on the pillow.

"I gotta get inside you," he choked out. He had held out as long as he could but he was dying to be surrounded by her wet heat.

"Please," she begged.

He put one of her legs over his shoulder and spread the other one wider and gently sunk himself into her. They both gasped at the intense feeling of him inside her. He stayed still with his breath on her neck trying not to come with her slickness and involuntary clenches around him. Being inside of Olivia, felt like home to him. The feeling of her warm, tight core made him feel a sense of safety and possessiveness. She was his. Fully and completely.

"Mine," his whispered.

"Yours," she responded breathlessly.

She began to rotate her hips to spur him on.

"Oh baby," he moaned and began to move slowly trying to make sure this didn't end sooner than he wanted it to.

His strokes were long and deep with him almost pulling all the way out before sinking into her again. The measured pace allowed him to feel every inch of her. She met him stroke for stroke and tried to move faster. He sucked on her breast while he continued to move inside of her and he felt her muscles start to tighten. "Oh no baby, not yet," he said pulling out of her.

"Oh please," she whispered craving to release again. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold on if she came. He kissed her and sucked on her neck while holding the tip of his erection at her entrance. She tried to maneuver him inside of her but he was able to fend her off.

He stayed still waiting for her to open her eyes and look at him. When her chocolate brown eyes met his, he took his arm from under her leg and cupped her face with both hands. "I love you so much Olivia and I'm so glad you are my wife."

"I love you too Elliot," she responded. He sunk inside her again. "So much," she breathed through his thrusts. She spread her legs more to accommodate him and he increased his rhythm. Their pelvic bones were meeting after each stroke and with her hips slightly coming off the bed she was getting closer and closer.

"You feel so good inside me," she said causing him to groan and push even faster.

"El…El I'm about to come."

She exploded around him seconds later hugging him tight against her as she rode the wave. "Shit Liv," he croaked out and thrust into her a few more times before he was coming apart with her. They held on to each other letting their orgasms consume them and finding comfort in one another. Olivia listened to his heart slamming against her chest while breathing heavily into his neck and loosening her grip on him. She felt her involuntary spasms around his length and he jerked slightly at the movements.

They were both coming back to their senses when the baby began to kick. Olivia thought that she could only feel it until she saw Elliot jump and immediately get off of her.

"Oh shit, is she ok? Do you think I hurt her?" he asked looking worried.

Olivia laughed at his terrified expression. "No she's fine. I think she just wanted you to get off her."

He returned her smile but was still concerned. "Shit, I'm sorry I didn't mean to lay on you like that."

"It's fine Elliot. Don't worry you didn't hurt me. You're just a little heavy. Trust me you didn't do anything I didn't want you to do."

She caressed the side of his face to reassure him and he leaned over to give her a kiss while still touching her belly.

"Is she still kicking?"

"No she stopped. I guess she got her point across."

"You are a little young to be interrupting our sex life already young lady," he joked leaning down to talk closer to her stomach and Olivia laughed softly. "But daddy is sorry for making you uncomfortable."

Olivia jumped slightly when the baby kicked again and quickly moved his hand to where she was and he felt it too.

"It's amazing isn't it?" she asked in wonder.

"Yes. It is," he agreed.

"Either she likes the sound of your voice or you are pissing her off already," she teased.

"Probably the latter. I have a tendency to piss off my daughters so it looks like she is falling right in line. Definitely a Stabler girl."

Olivia laughed but couldn't stifle her yawn.

"Come on, let's sleep baby."

He arranged all the covers and pillows back on the bed and turned off the lights. She snuggled her back into his chest and he draped his arm around her waist. She yawned again and he figured she would be sleep soon. He touched her hand and played with her rings while she dozed off. He intertwined their fingers and settled into his pillow with the image of their ring fingers next to each other. The sight amazed him and he didn't know how long it would take for it to fully set in that she was his wife.

"El?" she asked interrupting his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry."

He laughed into her shoulder. "I told you to eat more at the reception. You were warned."

"I know. I'm sorry," she said shyly.

"Don't be sorry. I figured you wouldn't listen. There's a food tray in the kitchen. Ill go fix you something."

"Thank you." She turned on the bedside lamp and got ready to head to the bathroom while he fixed her food.

"Liv?" He grabbed her arm stopping her movements.

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For making my dream come true." She smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"You are welcome."

XXXXX

A/N: Sorry for the delay on this but I had a looooong week full of writer's block. Hope you liked it and it was somewhat worth the wait…you know how you can tell me if you did or didn't? Those little things called reviews. To the Guest reviewer that was having withdrawals, I hope this helped lol.

Coming up: Honeymoon destination. Nowhere far away, she's pregnant and all and you know Elliot worries but it's some good ole fashioned E/O time. Oh yeah and remember when Liv was a cop? Yeah me too. We are getting back to some police work soon folks. They don't call it Law and Order: SVU for nothing. :)


	52. My Love My Life My Wife

Chapter 52: My Love. My Life. My Wife.

"Liv, Liv, baby wake up. We have to get going."

Olivia vaguely hears his voice but is having a hard time pulling herself from her deep slumber. She tests her limbs and they are sore everywhere. It's painful but a delicious ache at the same time that reminds her of Elliot's body all over her, inside her. Elliot. Her husband. The thought instantly brings a smile to her face and she rolls over. When she opens her eyes, she sees Elliot smiling back at her.

"What's got a smile on your face this early in the morning Ben-Stabler," he smiles correcting himself.

"You actually."

He grins and bends down to give her a quick kiss that she instantly deepens.

"That's quite a Good Morning," he murmurs against her lips. "And Good Morning to you too," he says kissing her belly. "Are you going to be on your best behavior today? I surely hope so."

She pulls him into another kiss holding on to the back of his neck for leverage.

"Now I know you have to be a little sore but if you keep that up we are going to be late catching our flight," he threatens.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going yet?"

"If you get up and go soak for a few minutes in the bath I ran for you I will give you a hint."

"Ok fine."

She gets up gingerly from the bed testing her muscles, which are in a little better shape than she assumed they would be. After they ate a little last night she caught a second wind and they made love again before falling asleep.

"Oh El, it's not even light outside yet. What time is it?" she whined noticing that there was only a hint of sunlight.

"It's a little after 5," he answered.

She noticed that he packed up almost all of their belongings and looked to have been up awhile.

"How much did you actually sleep? Seriously you have to be tired."

"I slept a couple of hours after you ravaged me the second time but I've been up trying to make sure that everything is prepared for our little trip." He held her hand and walked with her to the bathroom as he talked.

"You're not getting in with me? It's such a big tub" she asked.

"If I get in there, we are going to be late."

"Ill be good I promise," she said tugging at his shorts.

"Are you sure?" he asked giving in.

"Yep."

"Well raise your right hand." Humor was dancing in his eyes and she knew exactly where this was going. She raised her hand and obliged. "Repeat after me. I, Olivia Benson Stabler."

"I, Olivia Benson Stabler," she repeated sucking in her bottom lip trying to stifle her laughter.

"Promise to lay in the tub with my husband and just soak and bathe and will not engage in any further sexual activity that will make us late for the plane ride," he said struggling to keep his composure.

"I can't remember all that, it's early," she whined.

"Ok," he said moving away from her.

"Ok ok, promise to lay in the tub," she started in a slow seductive voice pulling off his shorts, "with my husband and just soak and bathe," she traced the contours of his back with her fingertips causing his breath to hitch, "and will not engage in any further sexual activity," her eyes were low and she tugged on his underwear lowering herself to the floor with them, "That will make us late for the plane ride."

She was on her knees and he was so turned on it was too late for him to protest when she took him in her mouth.

"Liiiiiiv….you are breaking your promise already," he breathed.

"No I'm not. I'm not in the tub yet," she answered and took him back in her mouth. She flicked her tongue across the tip and relaxed her throat so she could take the full length of him.

"Shit baby," he moaned. He tried to resist the urge to put his hand on her head not wanting to disrespect her. He already felt guilty that she was pregnant and on her knees in front of him but there was no stopping her. She was determined to pleasure him. Elliot, her husband.

His voice spurred her on and she began to suck faster and faster bringing him to the brink.

"Liv, fuck I'm about to come. You gotta move baby," he forced out trying to move her head but she took his hand and placed it on top of her head while she went deeper. He fisted her hair gently while he finally let go and came in her mouth.

She kissed his thighs softly while his breathing returned to normal. He helped her get up from the floor and was still speechless when she gave him a quick peck on the lips and lowered herself into the water.

"Come on Stabler. Like you said we have to hurry if we are going to catch the plane on time," she said winking at him.

He shook his head trying to snap himself out of his haze and climbed into the other end of the tub careful to not make any more contact with her.

"You are something else you know that," he said watching her in astonishment.

"So I've been told. Now give me the hint that you promised."

"It's not far, about a 45 minute plane ride and it's on the coast. That's all you get."

XXXXXXX

Two and a half hours later, Olivia and Elliot pulled up to their destination for the next six days. It was a pleasant two-story house on the coast of Connecticut with its own hot tub, pool and view of the water. It was pretty secluded since most people that bought in the area used the homes for vacation and it wasn't that time of year.

"Elliot, this is beautiful!" she said marveling at the surroundings. The place had more of a homey feel than a vacation spot and she loved that. The kitchen was fully stocked, the furniture was comfortable and the master bedroom and bathroom mesmerized her. She felt that she wouldn't want to leave the house although they were right on the water and he already mentioned that he wanted to take her out on a little boat trip. The pool was off the patio and the hot tub wasn't far from it. She made a mental note that she would definitely be making good use of both of them.

"So you like it?" he asked bringing in their bags.

"I love it. How did you find this?"

"Dickie helped me with it actually. After I asked him to help me with the honeymoon plans, he took it personally when Liz laughed at him and said we would probably end up at Chuck E Cheese or something. Needless to say that added fuel to his fire to find the perfect spot. He called one of his real estate friends and here we are," he explained while she held him close.

"Dickie hunh? I have to say I'm surprised. I guess he will be bringing Lucy up here before too long," she teased.

"I wouldn't doubt it."

She went to the patio and stood next to the pool taking in the view while he explained to her about the boutiques up the road that she could go to if she wanted to shop and there were some hole in the wall restaurants not far away.

"It all sounds nice but I don't know that I want to venture out a whole lot," she said nibbling in his ear.

"Really now. So what do you plan on doing to occupy all of that time we are in this house?" he asked playing along.

"Oh I'm sure I can think of something."

She reached down into his shorts and took his erection in her hands but he was already one step ahead of her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her over to the huge sofa in the living room.

He wanted to make each encounter soft and sensual between them because it was their honeymoon but ever since she surprised him that morning with the impromptu blowjob in the bathroom he was aching to be inside her.

He didn't bother to take off her shirt or his, just disposed of their bottoms before laying her out on the soft cushions and thrusting deep inside. As he suspected, she was already slick and ready for him.

"Ahhhh," she moaned in his ear as he moved fast inside her.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. "Are you ok?"

"Don't stop, please don't stop," she whimpered. She gripped the muscles in his back and he dropped his mouth between her cheek and neck as he continued his rapid pace.

"You're so tight Liv. Always so tight baby."

His voice had the same effect on her that it always did and brought her closer to the edge.

"Oh god," she said scratching down his back as her muscles tightened around him. He emptied himself a few moments later sinking his teeth into her shoulder for a quick second before kissing her to sooth it.

He dropped to the floor when he was done while she remained spent on the couch.

"Why are you on the floor?" she asked still trying to catch her breath.

"Because I don't want my daughter to kick me again for laying on top of you," he teased and she laughed.

"Oh shit," she said sitting up startling him. "My phone. Mel still has it. I need to call and check on Noah."

"Oh darn," he replied sarcastically.

"El I'm serious."

"Relax relax. I have my phone. We can call from mine and everyone already knows if they need something to call me or if there is an emergency to call me. So it's fine," he said kissing her cheek to calm her down.

"You seem to have it all figured out. Now if I were a detective I would conclude that you purposely set it up so I wouldn't have my phone," she said arching her eyebrow at him.

"What? Would I do something like that? Would I conspire with Melinda to make sure she confiscated your phone before the wedding and told her to just hold on to it and not give it back even when you ask? Is that what you think of me?" he asked sarcastically.

"Ok Stabler. You win."

"I like the sound of that. Did you hear that baby? It may be one of the few times your mom ever says that so take note," he said while she swatted him away from her stomach. They stood up and pulled on the rest of their clothes.

"Ok now go in there and fix us some breakfast woman!" he said slapping her on the ass.

"Oh so that's how it is now. Put a ring on my finger and it's sex and fixing you something to eat for the rest of my life?"

"When you put it that way it sounds so bad but in my head it sounds perfect," he joked. "I'm just playing. Sit down I'll whip up something for us real quick."

"No. I want _you _to sit down," she said guiding him back on the couch. "I think I saw some pancake mix in there. I want to make breakfast for my huuuuusband," she said drawing out husband in a southern accent.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. Put your feet up, relax. It shouldn't take me long," she said kissing him on the forehead and making her way to the kitchen.

"Well don't threaten me with a good time," he said lounging back and turning on the television not really paying attention to what was on. He watched her move around the kitchen and took in the scenery around him. He was on his honeymoon with Olivia. Olivia, his wife. It still took some getting used to. When he introduced her to the pilot of the small plane they travelled in as his wife he took pride in the fact that for once he was saying it and it wasn't for an undercover mission.

"Do you want bacon or sausage?" she called from the kitchen.

"Both!"

"So demanding," she answered.

Elliot had an evil thought and pulled his phone from the pocket of his shorts. "Well isn't this a sight. Big Bad Olivia Benson Stabler in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant cooking her husband breakfast. No one would believe it if I told them," he teased hanging over the back arm of the couch.

"Yeah yeah," she responded not turning around.

"Hey Liv?"

"Yeah."

Before she could stop him, he took a picture of her with his phone and immediately text it to Melinda, Casey, Alex, Nick and Fin with the caption "already got her whipped into shape" before she could stop him.

"You will pay for that!" she yelled.

"I can't wait to see how."

XXXXXX

While she cooked, they called to check in with the kids. Turns out they were all still at Bernie's house and decided to spend an extra day there to help clean up, spend some time on the beach and with their grandma. Bernie sounded delighted to get to know Noah more.

After breakfast they walked on the beach for awhile to get better acquainted with the surroundings and stopped at one of the small eateries to grab lunch. They were still a bit tired from the wedding to go anywhere else so they decided to spend the rest of the day lounging in the pool.

"This is so relaxing," she purred against his neck.

"Yes it is."

"I never take vacations. I need to do it more often."

"When was the last time you took one?"

She stilled at his question not knowing if she should answer. He noticed her hesitance.

"It's fine baby," he chuckled. "You can tell me."

"I went to the Bahamas with Brian a few years ago around Christmas time."

"Well Brian is lame as hell and I'm sure he's not as good company as me so you don't have to worry about me being bothered about that."

The mention of his name triggered the memory of the adoption debacle and she remembered that she never told him what Brian did. She wondered if she should say something to him but it didn't seem appropriate to bring up on their honeymoon.

"Liv? Liv?" he asked trying to get her attention.

"Yeah."

"What's going on? Where did you go just now?"

"Nothing. Sorry."

"Baby, please don't lie to me. I know when something is bothering you. Please tell me. Whatever it is," he said playing with her rings again as if to subconsciously remind her now that they were married she definitely should be upfront with him when something is wrong.

"El," she said turning around to face him and putting her arms around his neck. "Please don't be mad. I'm having such a good time and I want to be honest with you but I don't want to ruin our time here."

"Ok," he said taking a deep breath. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

"No no no, I promise." His tension eased at her admission.

"Ok tell me," he coaxed her kissing her softly.

"Remember when there was an issue with Noah's adoption and I told you that I had to go and see the judge?"

His eyes flashed with realization.

"He was the one that said something about me being gone and not being there for you," he said.

"Yeah."

"I should've known," he said looking at the water trying not to get upset.

"Hey." She pulled his chin up to look at her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I actually forgot all about it because everything has just been so wonderful lately. And we got caught up with the baby and wedding planning. When you mentioned his name just now that's what made me think about it. Please don't be mad," she said genuinely.

"I'm not mad baby. I don't want you to be afraid to tell me things. I know I acted like an ass last time when you told me about what he said to you but I told you I'm doing better." She was so relieved and kissed him passionately.

"Plus I get why he's upset. He doesn't have you in his life. I know how I felt when I didn't have you and it was hard for me. But now," he said raising her up to wrap her legs around him leaning his back against the pool wall. "I have you. My love," he kissed her. "My life," he kissed her again. "My wife." This time when he kissed her he didn't let go and soon their tongues were doing a delicate dance in each other's mouth. She felt his erection against her thigh and instantly started to rock her hips back and forth against him.

"Hmm, can we take this to the hot tub?" she moaned.

"You're reading my mind."

The hot tub was covered from the beach by a large bush behind it and allowed for more privacy although if there were any neighbors out on the balcony on the side of them they would be able to tell what they were doing.

Elliot got into the hot tub first testing the temperature to make sure it was ok for her to get in.

"It's good, come on in," he said reaching for her hand.

"One second." She put her hands behind her back and untied her bikini top tossing it on the patio before taking his hand and descending in the water.

"Very nice Mrs. Stabler," he said his erection throbbing. "I was a big fan of the bikini but glad to see half of it off. Now let's work on the other half shall we."

He pulled her onto his lap and she cried out when his warm mouth covered her nipple. His other hand worked on the other breast and she stroked him through his shorts. After sucking both of her breasts he sat up slightly to help her pull his swim shorts down and free him.

He slid her bikini bottoms to the side, suddenly not wanting to take the time to pull them off and stuck his finger inside of her core. She was dripping.

"So wet baby," he breathed into her shoulder.

"Now El," she whispered her voice laced with arousal.

"Your wish is my command." He lifted her up carefully and slid her over his hard length slowly and she felt every blessed inch of him impale her body.

"Unnnnnh," she moaned as he set a languid pace with their bodies moving in sync and the water sloshing around them.

She leaned back allowing him to get deeper and the new angle caused his strokes to directly hit her clit.

"Elliot!" she cried out his name repeatedly at the sensation of him hitting the sensitive spot over and over again.

He continued to move slowly and the lack of speed was driving her crazy. Her orgasm was gradually building low in her belly.

"More," she choked out between thrusts.

He tightened his grip on her waist and pulled out a little before slamming back into her over and over.

"You feel so good, so fucking good," he whispered while his hips continued to roll and hit every inch inside her. "Let go."

She shattered around him and he continued to move before finding his own release.

He massaged her legs and shoulders and she continued to straddle him and regulate her breathing.

"You better get into a more comfortable position for a certain little someone kicks you," he said into her neck.

"Is she already ruling the household?" she asked lifting herself off him with his assistance and standing up.

"It would appear so."

"Come on, take me to bed."

"Geez Liv, is this the second trimester hormones that they are talking about? You are insatiable."

"I mean to sleep!" she shouted swatting at him playfully. "I can't believe you are objecting. What's the problem? Can't keep up old man?"

"Liv…" he warned. "You really don't want to test that theory now do you?"

She wanted to accept his challenge but sleep was getting the better of her and she yawned.

"And I believe you just forfeited. Come on, go lay down and rest and I'll fix you some dinner. If you're good, Ill even give you a massage."

"Mmmm," she moaned while he walked with her to the master bedroom. "You're a good husband Elliot."

XXXXX

A/N: So the honeymoon chapter is going to go another chapter. I was trying to fit it into one but I don't know what I was thinking.


	53. Love you Forever

Chapter 53: Love You Forever

The next two days of their honeymoon were pretty eventful. They went shopping, stopped in the different restaurants, walked along the beach, had a picnic, rented a boat and took it out on the water for much of the day. Olivia watched in amusement as Elliot attempted to fish while she opted to lay back and relax. She was pleased enough to just watch him as he occasionally sighed contently and seemed completely at peace with his surroundings and in her company. She was at peace too. She was so used to having her phone on her at all times that she forgot what it was like to not be on high alert knowing that at any given moment she could be called away to work.

He laughed to himself a couple of days ago when she couldn't help herself and had to call Fin to make sure that everything was okay. He assured her that everything was fine but not before cracking a joke about the picture of her in the kitchen that Elliot sent. She was still going to get him back for that and was determined to find the perfect way of doing so.

Maureen and Noah were getting along just fine and Elliot was proud to see that she was handling taking care of the toddler very well. His little doubts that maybe she wasn't quite ready to have a baby were finally starting to fade away. They called the kids twice a day and were told each time that everything was fine and to just enjoy their honeymoon, so they did.

Olivia woke up suddenly the next morning at the sound of thunder outside. She was about to get up but as had become commonplace, Elliot was wrapped around her. One of his arms was between her head and the pillow, the other draped around her torso and his legs were tangled in hers. She paused momentarily taking in his smell and his steady breathing through his slightly parted lips. He was truly in his element out there she thought to herself and decided that they needed to make sure they always took time out for just the two of them in a place just like this, away from the hustle and bustle of the city and police work. It was going to be difficult with a new baby, a toddler and a 7 year old but it was important for them to do so.

Unable to hold herself back any longer, she began to kiss his face gently starting with his forehead, his cheeks, his nose and when she placed a soft kiss on his lips he jolted awake. It took him a moment to focus and realize where he was and then he returned her kiss.

"Mmmm good morning beautiful," he muttered. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long. The thunder woke me up."

"Damn, is it raining?"

"You're quick. Were you a detective in your former life?" she joked.

He started to tickle her lightly and she squealed with laughter trying to move out of his hold.

"Stop El, stop," she yelled between laughs.

"You know I may have to come up with something to quiet that smart little mouth of yours."

"Hmmm and what's that?" she purred.

Elliot was now partially on top of her and his erection was pressed into her side.

"I can think of a few things…or maybe just one," he growled kissing her deeply. She was beginning to open her legs up to land on either side of his hips when she felt the baby move. They both stopped simultaneously.

"You felt that?" she asked.

"Yes I did," he said beginning to move back.

"You don't have to stop," she said pulling him back down on her. "She's just moving around. Continue please."

He leaned back down on top of her and picked up where he left off kissing her and bringing his hand around to cup her breasts.

"You are so soft Liv, you always feel so good," he whispered.

Olivia moaned loudly at his touch and the baby kicked a little harder causing her to jump slightly.

"You've got to be kidding me." He pulled back off her and leaned down to her stomach. "Can you just give daddy about fifteen more minutes? I'll be done by then I promise."

"Elliot!" Olivia exclaimed slapping him on the back causing him to snicker softly. The rain was pouring and knocking on the windows grabbing both of their attention.

"Ok so the moment's gone," he groaned. "Thanks a lot my beautiful daughter." He kissed her belly and then rolled out of the bed checking the windows to make sure they were locked and assessing the weather outside.

"Is it going to be like this all day?"

"Let me check the forecast." He sauntered over to the nightstand to retrieve his phone and Olivia sat up on her elbows admiring his glorious naked form. She let out a low moan and fell back on to the pillow silently cursing the fact that their moment was temporarily ruined by the baby. Their baby. She smiled to herself thinking about the baby's reaction to Elliot and the fact they already seemed to have a banter and rhythm between the two of them and she wasn't even born yet. She couldn't wait to see him hold her for the first time.

"Well Mrs. Stabler it looks like we will be in the house all day. It looks like rainstorms for the rest of the day at least until the early evening," he said putting the phone on the nightstand and turning to look at her. "What's that smile for?"

"Oh nothing. Just thinking."

"About?"

"What shall we do with all of that idle time around here all day?"

She didn't give him the chance to answer. Instead she got up from the bed, not bothering to reach for her robe and strutted purposefully to the bathroom pausing only briefly to shoot him a flirtatious glance over her shoulder.

"You coming?"

"I certainly plan to."

XXXXX

They laid in enjoyable silence for several minutes listening to the rain pour outside while in the tub with his chest against her back. He was rubbing her belly and kissing the crown of her head while she stroked his forearm.

"El?"

"Yes."

"Where are we going to live?"

"Are the cardboard boxes we are living in not good enough for you?" he teased.

"I'm serious."

"I know I know."

"With planning for the wedding and everything I guess we haven't really thought about it but my place is certainly not big enough for all of us."

"And I don't plan on spending too many more months raising my family in an apartment that belonged to you and Cassidy," he added.

"That too."

"Well I do happen to know a real estate agent. I'll text Dickie when we get out of the tub and have him start looking for places."

"So what should we get? I don't want to move to Queens or too far away. I want to stay as close to the city as possible so I don't have to travel far if I get called in to work," she explained.

"I understand that but you know it's hard to find somewhere nice with a lot of space in the city that doesn't cost a fortune."

"True," she agreed. "Well I guess we could look outside the city."

"Ok how about this? What if we find a place that's not so nice.." he started and she immediately jerked her head around to give him a puzzled look. "Hold on a second Stabler before you give me that look. Hear me out."

"Go on," she nudged.

"Ok. Maybe not so nice BUT Dickie and I did a pretty good job with remodeling his place. I also helped Eric do some stuff to his place in DC. I happen to be a bit handier than I realized. I know the baby will be here in a few months but I think we can find a place and have it ready by the time she's here. I'm not talking major overhaul because I'm not that talented but enough to where we can work out a fair price and have some decent space. Ok. Now what do you think?"

She sat back thinking a moment and was astonished at what a great idea it was. "That's actually a really great idea El."

"Well don't sound so surprised," he said sarcastically.

"No it's just a really great compromise. I like it. Let's do that BUT we have to both talk and agree on the place, budget and renovations."

"Of course. Deal?" he asked extending his hand.

"Deal," she agreed shaking his hand.

"See that was easy. We are pretty good at this marriage and compromise thing already," he said kissing the back of her head.

They laid silently for a few more minutes before she spoke up again.

"El?"

"Yes ma'am."

"How come you have been so willing to be so adventurous with me sexually out here? You've been treating me with kid gloves ever since you found out I was pregnant. Why the change?"

"I have a bit of a confession."

She turned her head to the side again so she could look up at him. "Ok, let's hear it."

"I called Dr. Wilder and Dr. Thompson before we came out here."

She looked at him in stunned silence.

"Oh my god. They both already think you are a horndog so you just made it worse," she said rolling her eyes feigning annoyance. "What did you ask? Is it ok for me to have sex with my wife all over the house, in the pool, the hot tub, the beach and so on and so forth?"

"Well not in so many words. I was warned about hot tubs so I made sure it was the right temperature and just reminded to make sure you got a lot of rest and if you looked tired to let you sleep. Pretty simple instructions."

"And?" she smirked.

He sighed a little before continuing. "They told me to not worry, to be as normal as possible and trust my judgment. That the baby was fine and developing normally and to just enjoy our time but they both found it quite comical that I called to ask for permission to have sex on my honeymoon."

"I'm going to have to go back to the doctor with a paper bag over my head. My innocent reputation is ruined," she joked.

"Well honestly Liv from the looks all those nurses were giving me the last time we went to Dr. Thompson's office I think they all consider you pretty lucky so no need to be ashamed. You should be quite proud," he said with an arrogant grin.

"Oh really." She splashed water on him and he splashed it back on her.

"Just kidding. I was just…," he sighed. "I just don't want to hurt you Liv or our daughter. I wanted us to have a good time and I just wanted reassurance that everything was ok. Sometimes I think I need to hear it a few times. That's all," he whispered suddenly turning serious.

"Hey, hey," she said reaching for his chin so he would make eye contact with her. "We are fine. Absolutely fine. Never better. Ok?" He nodded. "I promise to tell you when I'm tired or if it's too much. You've been taking such good care of us and those massages are wonderful."

"Ahh, those were Dr. Wilder's idea. She said to make sure your muscles stay relaxed too."

"Here, feel this," she said moving her hand to her stomach. "She's moving again."

She watched him as the tension gradually left him and he relaxed into the tub again.

"I think she may realize you need the reassurance too which is why she's so determined to make her presence known," she said kissing his cheek.

"She knows me so well already. I love her so much Olivia," he whispered kissing the side of her forehead. The sincerity in his voice almost brought tears to her eyes.

"I know you do." She caressed the side of his face while he rubbed her belly. "She loves you too already."

He laughed lightly, the vibration humming against her, "Is that so?"

"Yeah. Think about it. She hears me talk all the time and she doesn't move much. She reacts to the sound of your voice almost every time you are near my stomach."

"I thought that was just her getting in the way of me taking advantage of her mother," he joked and Olivia laughed a bit before continuing.

"I'm serious El. She's not kicking at you_. _I think she likes the sound of your voice. She's already dying for your attention. Daddy's little girl."

He took in everything she said and appreciated her easing his fears. "Well if that's the case then maybe I can help her relax and sleep just as well as I can rile her up."

"And how do you plan to do that?" she raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"Let's get out of this tub, have some breakfast and I'll show you."

After breakfast and another call to the kids they settled on the oversized sofa in the living room. They positioned their bodies so they could see the pouring rain outside. The disastrous weather should have been a distraction but instead it soothed them both. Olivia was starting to drift off but was interested in seeing if Elliot really could get the baby to relax and put his theory to the test.

"Ok Stabler. I am patiently awaiting this master plan of yours to help her sleep," she challenged while yawning.

"It's not some master plan Liv. It's something as old as time…"

"And what is that?"

"I'll read her a bedtime story."

She laughed out loud and snuggled more under her blanket leaning into him.

"Umm ok. Yeah why didn't I think of that?"

"I'm serious. It worked with the other kids when they were in the womb. I'm sure it will work on her too."

He gently lifted her up so he could slide from under her and reposition himself laying in the opposite direction so his mouth was near her belly. He lay on his side careful to make sure she had enough room and they were both comfortable.

"Well we do have one slight problem," she said.

"And what is that?"

"Well I forgot to pack baby books with my honeymoon attire," she joked.

"We don't need them. I've been reading stories for years. I know plenty of stories by heart," he gloated.

"Is that so?"

"Yep as a matter of fact, I will even take requests. What story do you like?"

She laughed and didn't answer.

"I'm serious," he insisted.

She was going to ignore him until the baby kicked again jolting her slightly.

"Ok," she said sitting up slightly to get more comfortable. "One of Noah's favorites is Love you Forever."

"Oh geez," he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"That's not even a challenge Liv. I thought you were going to give me something that was hard," he said arrogantly.

"Oh really now, well let's hear it hotshot."

"This is the one you really want?"

"Yes. I've always loved that book," she said. He watched her for a moment thinking about her words. She said she was the one that loved the book, not Noah. He realized it must have been something that her mom read to her when she was younger. Olivia never liked to talk about her childhood or her mother because it was painful but every once in awhile she would share a story or memory that showed him that her life wasn't all bad. There were times when she was sober that Serena Benson was actually a decent mother, after all she had to be he reasoned to himself, because her daughter was the best person he knew.

"El, we are waiting," she said breaking him from his thoughts. He smiled down at her lovingly as she snuggled more into her pillow and her eyes were closed. "If this one is too hard for you.."

He laid his head gently on her belly careful not to put too much weight on her and began the story.

"_A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth._

_And while she held him, she sang:_

_I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."_

Olivia peeked her eyes opened watching him recite the words as if it was second nature and caressing her stomach affectionately. She closed her eyes again and listened to his voice sooth her to sleep.

_"The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he_

_was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food_

_out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch …"_

He stopped and saw that Olivia was sleeping soundly and the baby seemed to have calmed down as well. He continued on with the story a little longer until he too drifted off in a peaceful sleep.

XXXXXX

Olivia woke up after a couple of hours to the continuing sounds of the rain hitting hard on the patio. The weather had still not eased up but it didn't bother her because she was enjoying just spending time in the house with Elliot. He was still asleep next to her his hand resting on her stomach. She laid for a moment before she suddenly had an idea. She lightly moved his hand off her stomach and moved very carefully to be sure to not wake him. Once she was upright, she stole another glance at him with a smile on her face before lifting herself up off the couch.

"I love you Elliot," she said pecking him on the cheek. She headed to the bedroom to prepare thinking to herself, _'It's time for a little payback.'_

XXXXX

**Coming up: Ok, the next one really is the last honeymoon chapter. This one went a little longer than I thought and it was for all you reviewers who requested some Elliot talking to baby time. We've had a sexy chapter, this one was sweet, now its back to sexy. ;-) After all Elliot has to pay for sending that pic to the squad…and Liv has just the idea. These two just love to play around with each other.**


	54. Payback's a Bitch

Chapter 54: Payback's a Bitch

Olivia shuffled through the bedroom trying not to make too much noise and wake Elliot. She knew he wouldn't be sleeping for much longer without her body warmth, he never did. It was one of the many small things she learned about him in all the time they spent together since they began dating.

She dug through her bag and finally found the lingerie that Alex bought for her and headed to the bathroom to get changed. After about twenty minutes of getting dressed and primped, she stepped back to look at herself in the mirror.

The white lace and satin gown hugged her curves and complimented her olive skin perfectly. It had thin straps and the cups of the bra were low cut and mostly lace allowing most of her breast to show. There was also a strip of lace along the left side of the gown that was see through and the rest was satin and hung to her upper thigh barely covering her intimate parts. The waistband of the matching lace panties fit just below her baby bump and left little to the imagination including her ass cheeks. If she bent over you could easily see everything and that's exactly what she wanted.

She did her make up lightly but accentuated her lips with cherry red lipstick. She curled her hair and fluffed it out a little bit. The final touch was the white high heels made of the same material of the nightgown. With everything in place and the bedroom set up the way she wanted she proceeded to walk out into the living room.

Elliot was still sleeping but he was starting to toss and turn a little but so she knew he would be awake soon. To speed up the process she went into the kitchen under the guise of fixing lunch. She purposely started to rattle a few plates together and was soon rewarded with the sound of his sleepy voice.

"Liv?" he called out. He was still unable to see her from where she stood in the kitchen.

"I'm in here fixing lunch," she called out innocently. "How about something quick? I could fix us some turkey subs"

"That's fine but I'm not really all that hungry, come back and lay down with me," he pleaded not wanting to open his eyes.

"Honey we need to eat or at least I do. It won't take long to make." She peeked around the fridge and saw his eyes were still closed.

"Ugh," he groaned and rolled over facing the opposite direction so she decided to step it up a notch.

She put the ingredients on the subs as fast as she could and pulled out some fruit and pasta salad she made the day before from the fridge. She walked over to stand in front of the couch where Elliot laid with the two plates in her hand.

"Honey, I forgot did you want mustard on yours?" she asked. The proximity of her voice caused Elliot to open one of his eyes to get ready to answer her but he was stunned silent. His head shot up from the pillow and he rubbed his eyes to make sure he was fully awake and not seeing things.

"El? Mustard?" she asked again trying to act nonchalant. In reality, she was trying hard to stifle a laugh at his response to her.

"uh-I," he struggled to say and looked her from head to toe with his mouth wide open. He instantly felt himself begin to harden at the sight of her and couldn't form a coherent sentence. She was absolutely stunning.

"El?" she asked again. "Can you hear me? I need to know."

He continued to stare at her blinking fast and his eyes rested on her ample cleavage that was spilling out the top of her gown.

"I'll just go get it. Let me set these down."

She bent over to set the plates down on the table next to the couch, the cheeks of her ass eye level with him. She heard him let out a low growl that immediately caused her nipples to harden but she was determined to stay strong. "Be right back."

He watched her walk to the kitchen and she added an extra sway knowing his eyes would be glued on her.

"Here you go," she said as she returned and set the mustard on the table. Elliot sat straight up his lips forming a lazy smile waiting for her to sit down next to him so he could get a better view of what she was wearing and touch the material. It looked soft and it was it was extremely sexy on her but he was interested in taking it off as soon as he could.

"Oh man I'm famished," she sighed dramatically as she side stepped him and sat in the lounger opposite the sofa away from him. He looked at her a little confused wondering why she wasn't sitting next to him and frustrated that he couldn't easily touch her. He watched her closely sensing that there was something that he was missing but he couldn't put his hand on it…literally.

She dug into her sandwich like she was really hungry but careful to make sure nothing spilled on her. She grinned internally when she felt his eyes burning a hole in her and satisfied that everything was going to plan so far. It was time to move on to the next phase.

"Mmmm," she moaned. "This is so good. I had no idea I was so hungry. El, baby why aren't you eating?" she said looking at him wide eyed like she was concerned.

"Because I would rather be tasting you instead of this sandwich," he said giving her his patented predatory look that always broke her down but she was determined to stay strong. She hurried and looked away and focused back on her food.

"Babe there's plenty of time for that. I just need to eat," she said rubbing her stomach. She knew he wouldn't stand in the way of her eating because of the baby and it bought her a little more time.

"Ok, you're right. Just hurry. Please," he said rubbing his hands on his thighs trying to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. He tried to take a bite of his food but he couldn't concentrate and his appetite was suddenly nonexistent. He tried to look down so he wouldn't look at her but then his eyes caught notice of her red toenails in the high heels and his gaze slipped up her long legs. He thought about those legs wrapped around his waist while he pounded into her and was struggling to contain his hard on. He was ready to say something when he made the mistake of looking up and caught her sucking on her pickle spear. Her red full lips sucking on the pickle was almost too much for him to bear.

"Mmmm," she moaned purposely before taking a little bite. "I never thought I would be one of those pregnant women who craved pickles but this is just what I need right now. I could just suck all of the juice right out of it."

He shifted on the couch and groaned involuntarily at her words. His erection was becoming harder and harder to contain.

"Where did you get that?" he said waving a finger up and down gesturing at the lingerie.

"Oh this old gown. It's just a little something I picked up while I was out shopping with the girls. Do you like it?" she asked batting her eyelashes flirtatiously with a glow in her eyes. It took him a minute of them staring at each other before he realized what she was up to. His lips slowly drifted up to a sly smile. She smiled in return when she realized he was on to her.

"I do actually. Very much. When are you going to let me take it off you?" he asked bluntly.

"Who says I'm going to let you?" she shot back.

He took a deep breath not sure which direction he wanted to go in. He wanted to challenge her and act like he didn't care if they had sex or not but there was no way he was going to win that fight. He had been dying to be inside her since their morning session was interrupted and the way she looked right now did nothing but intensify his want for her.

"Liv..," he said in warning.

"Elliot please finish your food. I made that for you."

"And when I finish?"

"We'll see," she said winking at him.

Elliot took a few bites of the pasta salad and fruit watching her intently. She rubbed her thigh, tossed her hair back a few times and kept drawing his attention to her mouth whenever she could to taunt him.

"Ok, I'm done," she said letting out a sigh and he darted up off the sofa ready to head over to her but she hurried and grabbed her plate and sauntered over to the kitchen. He was ready to walk behind her but her ass once again caught his attention and he couldn't move.

Elliot decided to fight back while she played around in the kitchen and took off his shirt. He thought about taking off his sweatpants too but figured that at this point after seeing her in the lingerie he was already close to the edge and if the air hit him the wrong way he was liable to come without her touching him. Once he was out of his shirt and took a few deep breaths he walked to the kitchen and got ready to step up behind her and grab her waist. She sensed him right when he got close and side stepped him again.

"Liv, ok. You've made your point. I don't really know why you are making it but nevertheless it's made," he said holding his hands up in surrender. Her eyes dropped to his chiseled chest and his beautiful biceps. He followed her gaze and began to smile thinking she was about to give in. He stepped towards her again and she took another step back.

"El, I think we need to talk," she said seriously.

Her tone took him off guard and he rubbed his hand roughly down his face.

"About what?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"About what's about to happen," she said beginning to smile.

He returned her smile and crossed his arms across his chest.

"The only thing that's about to happen Liv is I'm going to peel that gown off of you, kiss every inch of your beautiful skin and fuck you senseless," he said in a low tone that caused her to sway momentarily on her feet. She felt the wetness on her underwear and knew they were very close to becoming useless. She struggled to hold her stance.

"You're very sure of yourself Stabler," she whispered moving closer to him. His eyes were closed and she listened as his breathing became labored. "And your scenario may happen but not until I tell you to."

His eyes blinked open in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"We are going to go into the bedroom, I'm going to slip this nightgown off and I'm going to be in control. You are not going to touch me until I tell you to." She rubbed her lips across his barely touching and not kissing him. Her tongue licked his lips and his breathing hitched.

"How can you expect me not to touch you Liv?"

"You are a strong man El. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

He exhaled deeply trying to get his wits together.

"You're so strong El," she breathed and stroked his arm softly moving to his chest tracing lazy patterns along it feeling the goosebumps on his skin. "You're so sexy baby." She started to kiss his neck and he kept his hands in the pocket of his sweatpants trying to not touch her but he was so hard he thought he was going to explode. "And such a good father," she breathed in a low tone kissing up his neck to his ear. He couldn't help himself and reached out to touch her but her reflexes were quick and she grabbed his hands. "If you try to touch me again. Then you don't get to fuck me senseless. Got it?"

"Shit," he said under his breath.

"Now where was I? Oh yeah," she put her lips back onto his neck and worked her way up the side of his face planting kisses along the way. "But you know one of the things I love most about you El. You're so funny. Like when you sent that picture out to everyone." His eyes darted open."Payback's a bitch," she whispered in his ear.

"Baby.."

"Shhh," she put her finger on his lips to quiet him. "You said you couldn't wait to see how I would pay you back. Remember that?"

He was silently cursing himself. For all his sarcastic comments he made to her on any given day he was now pissed at himself for making that one because he was paying dearly for it in this moment. He thought that if he could just somehow get his fingers inside her underwear and begin to stroke her or hurry and find that spot on her neck that always made her weak that he would be able to end this and change her mind. He didn't want to take the chance that she would move and quickly shut him down for the rest of the evening. Olivia was pretty stubborn when it came to proving a point and he just wasn't willing to take a chance that he wouldn't be making love to her tonight.

"Follow me," she said grabbing his wrist and leading him to the bathroom. He tried to focus on the carpet and the walls, anything that would turn him off a little bit but her legs and everything about her was taunting him.

"Sit here." She led him to the edge of the bed near the nightstand, parted his legs with hers and stood between his thighs. He took another deep breath to steady himself.

"Ok I have these handcuffs here. I don't want to have to use them so if you are good and keep your hands to yourself until you are told then we won't have to. If you can't keep your hands to yourself then either it's the handcuffs or we don't have sex at all. Understood?"

"Yeah," he choked out.

"Good," she responded and kissed him softly on the lips. "Now lean back on the bed," she whispered in his ears. Olivia watched as he scooted back and rested his head on the headboard with his legs shoulder length apart. His erection was bulging through his pants. She thought about touching him but figured she was torturing him enough and she wasn't done yet.

When he rested against the headboard, Elliot saw the single chair sitting a few feet from the end of the bed. She walked slowly over to the chair and stood in front of it. She held his gaze for a few seconds before she began.

"It's a shame you can't touch me Elliot. Because I love when you touch my breasts," she said moving her hands over her breasts and squeezing gently. "When you squeeze them and flick my nipples," she moaned matching her movements with her words. Elliot let out a strangled groan watching her realizing what she was doing. She continued to squeeze and knead her breasts before moving her hands gently down her body. His eyes dropped following her hands. "I really like it when your hands are here," she said rubbing on her upper pelvis. "I like it when you tease me, knowing I'm really dying for you to touch me here." Her hands cupped her covered mound and they both moaned simultaneously. She rubbed her hand back and forth watching his reaction, which turned her on more. "I'm so wet already El," she whispered.

"Liv please," he begged but she ignored him and continued.

She repeated the motions, touching herself all over and then turning around, bending over giving him a great view of the curve of her ass while she slowly slipped off her high heels.

Elliot was losing the battle and swore he had never been more turned on his entire life.

When she stood back up she leisurely smoothed down the straps of her nightgown with her back still to him, letting it fall to her feet. She waited a few precious moments before she turned around and he gasped at seeing her breasts and her erect caramel nipples pointing at him.

"You are so beautiful baby." His voice was deeper than she ever heard him before and she was getting more and more turned on watching how much he wanted her. His eyes were low and his blue eyes were almost black. He was overcome with desire and she didn't know how much longer she could hold out.

She played with the thin waistband on her panties and slid them down her thighs discarding them next to her gown. She then sat down on edge of the chair and leaned back spreading her legs giving him a perfect view of her glistening core. She started the process of rubbing her breasts again rolling the nipples between her fingers.

"Mmmm..feels good," she moaned. Elliot's breathing was speeding up and he fought himself to hold back so when he came it would be inside her and not in his pants. "Jesus Liv," he whispered his chest rapidly rising and falling.

She let go of her breasts and her hand began to descend. When he saw her legs spread when her hands got closer he held his breath in anticipation of what was coming next. She rubbed herself intimately back and forth and then sunk one finger inside.

"Ohhhhh," she groaned loudly throwing her head back. She moved her finger slowly in and out before adding a second. She began to pant while her fingers moved and he clinched the covers beneath him watching her.

"Liv please. Please let me touch you. Let me make you come," he begged. "Please baby."

He was on fire and he couldn't take it anymore. She kept up her leisurely pace for a bit longer but the truth was she had no intention of coming unless it was due to Elliot. She stilled her hand and looked at him with drowsy eyes.

"You want to make me come?" she asked crawling up the foot of the bed.

"Yes please."

She threw his discarded sweatpants on the floor and tugged his boxers down. His breath hitched when the material rubbed against his erection. Once his glorious length was exposed she thought about taking him in her mouth but she knew that neither one of them would last. She straddled his thighs and moved up his body. He got ready to touch her and she stopped him.

"I didn't say you could touch me," she whispered and put his hands level with the side of his head. He took another deep breath knowing what was about to happen trying to make sure he didn't come the second he was inside her. She positioned his length at her entrance and sunk down excruciatingly slow onto him. They both groaned at the contact and Olivia leaned over to tangle her fingers in his.

She began to move slow at first pulling herself up almost the entire length of him and sinking back down but because they were both so close her pace quickly picked up.

"Shit, that feels so good," he breathed. "I'm so close," he warned her. He didn't want to come before her but he was struggling to hold on. His neck muscles were clenching with restraint while she continued her feverish pace.

"Oh god, ahhhh," she cried out throwing her head back. She let go of his hand and sat straight up. Elliot opened his eyes to see her rubbing her breasts as she moved up and down on him. He started to feel the beginnings of her orgasm and knew he wouldn't last much longer.

"Now Elliot," she breathed. "Touch me."

He reacted instantly sitting up grabbing her hips and grinding her down completely on him. His face was in her neck and wrapped her arms around his back as he pounded into her.

Her eyes rolled back in her head as she shattered around him and screamed out his name over and over. He spilled into her at almost the same time. He was holding on as long as he could but as soon as he felt her let go he poured himself inside, her muscles tightening and milking every bit of his orgasm from him. Olivia's spasms continued for several minutes when they were done and she rested her head on his sweaty shoulder. She was exhausted and was trying to catch her breath. Elliot was trying to come back down to earth from his intense orgasm but was worried about her.

"You ok? I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked still waiting for his heartbeat to regulate.

"I'm fine. Just tired," she responded while yawning.

He continued to hold her in his lap rubbing her back and planting feather like kisses along her shoulder, neck and hair.

"You will go all out to prove a point won't you?" he joked.

"I told you that you would pay for that stunt," she said.

The truth was her stunt was less about payback and more about acting out a fantasy she always had of taking complete control over him in the bedroom. She decided she would tell him that later and bask in the glory that her idea worked.

"And pay dearly I did. I can't stand to not touch you Liv," he said leaning back causing her head to lift off his shoulder. He kissed her on the lips and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I love you so much and for the record you can pay me back anytime."


	55. Welcome Back

Chapter 55: Welcome Back

Elliot and Olivia spent the last couple of days of their honeymoon talking and relaxing. Elliot kept trying to find things to do to annoy her and get her to pay him back again but she didn't fall for it. They told stories about their childhood and discussed potential baby names. She enjoyed sitting back and watching him get animated telling stories about the children and recite more stories to the baby. They eventually decided because Olivia was missing Noah so much that they would leave a day early and surprise the kids. They wanted to get in some time with them before she had to return to work on Monday. He also had to go back to DC soon for another round of training sessions.

"Liv baby wake up," he whispered shaking her lightly. She had fallen asleep in the cab on the way back to the apartment. "We're home."

"Mmmm," she groaned sleepily and stretched. "We're here already?"

"Already? You've been knocked out since we got in the cab. Welcome home Mrs. Stabler," he said kissing her cheek and helping her out of the cab. He grabbed most of the bags while she carried their smaller one.

When they were finally inside of the elevator he pinned her against the wall and kissed her passionately.

"Mmmm, what was that for?" she asked.

"Just trying to enjoy the last moments of our honeymoon," he murmured in between kisses on her neck. "You know…."

"Know what?" She was smiling at the mischievous look on his face.

He looked over at the stop button on the elevator and then back at her wiggling his eyebrows.

"Absolutely not!"

"Why not?" he asked as if he was really confused as to why they couldn't have sex in the elevator.

"What has gotten into you Stabler I swear?" She twisted out of his hold and to the other side of the elevator in mock disgust.

"You. You got into me," he said seriously and pulled her close joining their foreheads. "I love you so much."

The elevator ding announcing they made it to their floor interrupted them.

"I love you too," she said giving him a quick peck and heading towards the apartment.

He fumbled around for the keys and stuck it in the door before turning around and giving her a lighthearted look.

"What?"

"Well we are home so you know I have to carry you over the threshold," he said moving the bags to the side to make enough room.

"Don't you dare!"

She put her hands up to keep him at arms length.

"Or what? You will pay me back again?" he asked smiling.

"Oh god what kind of monster have I created?" she asked rolling her eyes. "Ok but be careful."

He swooped her up into his arms and pushed the door open. They heard noises coming from the living room and Elliot quickly turned on the lights. Olivia froze.

"What the -? Dad what are you doing here?" a shirtless Dickie yelled rolling off the couch. Lucy, who was topless and looked mortified, hurried to cover herself with the blanket on the couch.

"Oh my god Elliot and Olivia I'm so sorry," she apologized.

"Really son? On our couch?" he asked carefully putting Olivia down.

"We didn't think you guys were coming back so soon," he explained.

"And that's an excuse?" he asked. "Lucy please go in the back and get yourself dressed." She grabbed her bra and shirt off the floor and jetted to Noah's room to put her clothes back on.

"And you and I need to have a talk young man," he said getting closer to Dickie who was buttoning up his shirt.

"Dad I don't need the birds and the bees talk."

"Clearly." He moved near him and talked low, "Just promise me you are being careful."

"Yes Dad we are. Geez," he said embarrassed.

"Ok well help us with these bags."

They both turned towards the door and saw that Olivia was frozen in place. She was trying to steady her breathing and her eyes were focused on the floor.

"Liv you ok?" Elliot asked concerned.

She jerked her head up and took a few shallow breaths before she responded. "Yeah, yeah I'm ok."

"Is it the baby? Are you sure?" he asked frantically.

"No no I swear I'm fine. I was just surprised that's all when we walked in…and someone was here that's all."

She looked at Elliot for a few long moments before he realized what was going on.

"Liv I'm really sorry," Dickie apologized.

"It's fine. Can you take these back to the back and go check on Lucy?" Elliot suggested.

"Sure dad."

When Dickie left Elliot turned his attention back to Olivia. "I'm so sorry about that. Are you sure you are ok?"

"Yeah Elliot it's no big deal I promise. Everything's fine," she said walking into the living room and noticing all of the presents. "I guess we have some work to do to clear all of these out."

"Babe you're tired. Why don't you go in the back and lay down and I'll call Maureen and have her bring Noah over?"

"No need," Dickie said emerging from the room with a fully dressed and uncomfortable Lucy close behind. "Mo is already on her way with him. That's why we are here. We were going to watch him until tomorrow when you guys got here and let Mo and Jason go on a date night. She should be here in about an hour."

"Ok sounds good. Come on, let's go lay down," he said taking Olivia's hand before turning to Dickie and Lucy. "And you two. Can you keep your clothes on while we go rest a bit?"

Lucy turned beet red.

"Dad stop joking around."

Olivia took a nap with Elliot by her side for an hour until Maureen arrived with Noah.

"Mama mama," he squealed running into her arms.

"Hi my love. I missed you soooo much," she cooed holding him close and kissing his hair.

"How was he?" Elliot asked Maureen.

"He was just fine. He's a good boy. He missed you both for sure."

"Daddy too too," he said pointing to the fake tattoo on his arm.

"Wow buddy that's pretty cool," he said inspecting the youngster's arm.

"He saw a kid with one at the park and wouldn't stop whining about it. I think he wants a tattoo on his arm like his dad."

Maureen and Jason went on their dinner date and Lizzie brought Eli over to the apartment. They ordered dinner and spent the rest of the evening with the kids. Lizzie showed them some of the photos from the wedding and the adoption they caught with their own cameras. Lizzie helped Olivia open and organize the wedding gifts before calling it a night. Eli insisted on staying the night and after putting him and Noah to bed, Olivia and Elliot retreated to their room.

Her reaction to Dickie and Lucy being in the house unexpectedly was still on Elliot's mind. He didn't want to ruin the rest of the evening by bringing it up but he wanted to talk about it. He was walking on eggshells but once he saw she was in a pretty good mood after having the kids over he figured now would be as good a time as any to try and approach the subject.

She got into bed and snuggled against Elliot's bare chest tracing lazy circles over his torso.

"Tonight was great. I really did miss them when we were gone," she said.

"Yeah those knuckleheads are pretty loveable," he agreed and she laughed.

"You uhh…seemed pretty startled when we first walked in."

"It's fine El. I'm not shocked that Dickie and Lucy are having sex just didn't expect for it to be on our couch. I hope they have at least cleaned it if they have done that before," she teased.

"That's not what I meant."

The seriousness of his tone made her look up at him to meet his eyes.

"You thought about Lewis didn't you?"

She wanted to recoil and turn away from him. She really didn't want to talk about anything dealing with Lewis because she felt like it was a negative cloud over the happiness she found. She hated that after all this time he still had the ability to crawl into her head and affect her.

"Yeah I did," she responded breaking eye contact. "And no I don't want to talk about it."

"Liv, I know I wasn't here when it happened before so I don't know everything..."

"It's not about that."

"Then why don't you want to talk about it?"

"Because I don't want to keep giving him that power by talking about him. I am happy," she said pulling him in for a kiss. "I am so happy and he doesn't deserve to take any of that away from me."

"Talking about it doesn't make him take away from your happiness," he argued.

"No but reliving it does. Every time I talk about it I relive everything and I just don't want to look back. I only want to look forward," she said balancing herself on her forearms. "To our baby," she kissed his neck, "to our life," she kissed his check and "to each other." She kissed him deeply silencing the protest to talk about it some more that were ready to form on his lips.

"Liv," he moaned as she began to position her legs to straddle him.

"I'm ok El and I can prove it to you," she said nibbling his ear and kissing slowly from his ear to his neck and down his muscular frame. He was getting harder and harder as she worked her way down his body.

"Mmmm," he moaned.

"Let me prove it to you," she whispered. Before he could say anything else she was positioning herself over his hard length and sliding down.

The conversation was over.

XXXXX

"Welcome Back Lieutenant Stabler," Amanda greeted her as she stepped off the elevator.

"It's Lieutenant Benson. I'm not changing my name here," she answered walking to her office with Amanda following behind.

She put her bag down and when she got ready to sit down she noticed the new pictures on her desk.

"What did you guys do?" she asked surprised picking up the frames. One was of her and Elliot at the altar and the other was of both of them and all of the kids at the wedding reception.

"Just a little welcome back present from all of us," she explained while Nick walked in.

"And we got one more for you," he added. It was a picture of the team old and new at the wedding.

"Yeah you may want to hide it though. Carisi is still a little mad he wasn't able to go and wasn't in the picture. He's a little sensitive about it," he joked.

"Well someone had to stay and watch the place. He's the newbie so he got stuck," Amanda said.

"Well thank you guys. This is really fantastic. It's good to be back. So why don't you guys catch me up? I've been out of the loop since I haven't had my phone."

"Oh yeah speaking of here you go. Melinda dropped this off first thing this morning," Nick said handing her the phone.

They both stood there exchanging weird glances that Olivia picked up on.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing why don't we wait for Fin to get in?" Amanda offered.

Fin walked in right on cue.

"Hey Liv, you're back. Welcome back to the madness," he said hugging her.

"Thanks. I was just waiting to get briefed on what was new around here and was told I needed to wait for you. Have I been demoted?" she joked uncomfortably trying to ease the tension that now filled the room.

"No it's not that," he explained. "We had a pretty tough case come through here and we've all been here around the clock."

"What's the case and why didn't you guys call Elliot to get in touch with me? I told you to call me in case of emergencies."

"We didn't want to bother you Liv plus we have it under control."

"Ok so grab Carisi and you guys walk me through it."

By lunch, Olivia had finished going through her emails and was pretty much caught up on everything. Her mind started to wander thinking about the new case. It was a child trafficking case where the leader of the operation, Jonathan Harrington was killing the girls that he did not feel was good enough to be pimped out. There had been four victims so far between the ages of 9 and 15, all raped and tortured for days before being put out of their misery. They were burned, bound, starved, drugged and killed by strangulation. The bodies were found at different landfills throughout the area. So far, they had no idea how many girls Harrington even had in his custody so they didn't know how many potential victims they were dealing with.

After hearing the details of what the girls went through before they were killed, it made sense why the team was tense discussing it with her. Harrington's profile was similar to Lewis and the way he handled his victims was similar to what she and Lewis' other victims went through. However, she was in the Special Victims Unit so this wouldn't be the first or last time that she ran across cases that were eerily similar to her ordeal. She tried to put it out of her mind but she could only think about how hard it was for her dealing with Lewis' torture for days on end, she couldn't imagine a child having to deal with that. The emotions were rising up in her as she thought about the autopsy photos the team showed her. The burn marks looked similar to hers when she was first rescued and she started to have flashbacks, Lewis' voice echoing in her head.

_Come on don't be shy. We're past that. You were so sweet when you were knocked out._

_That's endgame sweetheart. We got a lot of shock and awe to go before then._

_Let it rain._

_One move. Lights out. Ill do you cold._

_Want me to burn your clothes off or cut em off?_

She was jolted from her thoughts by her cell phone ringing and picked it up without looking at the caller id.

"Benson."

"Oh I'm sorry I must have the wrong number," Elliot joked and hung up the phone. She took the few moments after he hung up to gather herself before he called back. A few seconds later, he did.

"Hey," she answered. "Why did you hang up?"

"I don't know a Benson so I figured I had the wrong number."

"Very funny. I told you I was using my old last name at work," she said smiling at the obvious playful mood he was in.

"I know I know just joking with you. How's the first day back?"

"It's ummm…it's fine," she said trying to keep him from worrying.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah just came back to a rough case that's all. You know how it goes."

"Yeah well I think I know something that will make things a little bit better," he said.

"And what's that?"

There was a knock on her door and she looked over to find Elliot at the door holding Noah in one hand and his phone with some bags of food in the other.

"Oh my god, what are you two doing here?" She bolted from her desk and ran into his arms.

"We figured we would bring you some lunch and hopefully brighten up your day a little."

She took Noah from him while he walked over to the couch and took out the food making a little picnic. She closed the door and drew the blinds behind them to give them some privacy.

"This looks fantastic what did you get?"

"A sandwich from that deli you love so much, a salad, some fruit and if you are good you even get dessert."

"Wow you really went all out," she said placing a chaste kiss on his lips. "You must be trying to fatten me up."

"No just trying to keep my girls well fed that's all."

They sat through lunch eating and playing with Noah. She always kept a few toys in her office for him in case she had to bring him over. Elliot smiled to himself watching her with Noah. He really did bring so much joy into her life. She finished her lunch and he cleaned up while she prepared to change Noah.

"Can you believe we are going to have two kids in diapers?"

"Well I've been there before."

"Yeah with twins El. That's not the same thing," she chuckled.

"Don't worry about it. Me and this little man are going to start working on potty training pretty soon," he said tickling his belly earning some giggles from Noah.

"He's too young to be potty trained."

"Not at all, look at him. He's got tattoos, he dresses better than most grown men I know, he's ready," he joked.

She threw away his diaper and they prepared to leave.

"Thank you for coming by, I really needed it," she sighed.

"What's going on?" he asked putting Noah back down and motioning for her to sit down on the couch.

"It's nothing just..this case. It's just bringing back some memories that's all," she said fidgeting with her hands.

He put his hands over hers to stop her. "About Lewis?"

"Yeah. The perp is similar to Lewis, the MO of the killings and I saw the autopsy and crime scene photos. Their injuries…," she explained shaking her heard trying to will the images out of her mind.

"The injuries were similar to yours?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah."

He wanted to ask more but with everything that the two of them shared she was still careful to keep the details of what happened to her to herself. He didn't want to push but a part of him really wanted to know everything.

"Come here," he said pulling her into a hug because he didn't know what else to do. He knew how the job worked and the images of dead children was hard to get out of your mind even when it wasn't something that you experienced yourself. He thought about asking her if she wanted off the case but he didn't want to overstep and make her upset. He had to trust her to make the right decision for herself.

"I'm really ok. It's just hard but ill be.."

"Fine?" he said cutting her off. "I need you to find another word Liv."

"I'll be ok. Is that better?"

"Yeah but can you promise me that when you are not fine or ok you will let me know?"

"Ellll," she whined and he put his hand under her chin so she would look up at him.

"Promise me."

"Ok. I promise."

"And not like how you promise to be good and not take advantage of me in the bedroom and do it anyway," he teased to lighten the moment.

"Oh you are one to talk Mister I will just take a shower with you and not make you late for work," she said slapping his arm playfully.

"Touche. Come on Noah let's let mom get back to work." He picked up Noah and they got ready to head out.

"What are you two up to the rest of the day?"

"We are actually on our way to go look at a few of the houses Dickie has lined up."

"Without me?"

"I'm just going to see how much work they need done to them. I'm going to take plenty of pictures that we can go through tonight. If they need too much work done I wasn't even going to waste your time," he explained.

"Ok fine. You're forgiven then."

"Gee thanks."

She kissed him again and was putting her arm around his neck before Nick burst in.

"Hey Li-oh I'm sorry to interrupt. Harrington just struck again. Nine-year-old female. We just got the call."

She tensed and rolled her eyes. "Where did he dump the body this time?"

"At the hospital. She's alive."

XXXX

Coming up: Olivia tries to bond with the victim and the Stabler clan is as hilarious as ever.

**A/N: Ok guys we are back into the police work. Don't worry there will be E/O time but a gal's gotta work too. This case hits home for Olivia for obvious reasons and as the story goes on you will see how it plays into her personal life. I didn't get many reviews on the last chapter so I hope that you guys are still enjoying the story ****J**** Drop me a line and let me know.**


	56. Whenever you're ready

Chapter 56: Whenever you're ready

A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews on the last chapter. Glad to see you all are still enjoying. Also special thanks to **eorocks **for taking the time to review this chapter for me. She has awesome stories and you guys should go and check them out.

On with the story we go.

XXXXX

The drive to the hospital was pretty quiet. Nick sneaked a few glances in Olivia's direction to try and get an idea of her demeanor. She was quiet and spent the entire ride staring out the window. She didn't know what kind of shape the young girl was in and although she knew she had to focus on getting as many details out of her as possible to help her catch Harrington, she was determined to not victimize her more. She remembers how Cassidy and members of the squad tried to indirectly ask her everything that happened with Lewis. Cragen and Barba were the only two who knew everything because they were present for her statement. There were too many Lewis' and Harrington's out there and she wanted to rid the world of as many of them as possible but she wanted to do it without making things worse for their victims.

"You ok?" Nick asked tentatively.

"Yeah."

They pulled up into the parking garage and Olivia took a deep breath to steady herself.

"You know I can take the lead on the interview if you want?" he offered.

"Nick, this girl was just held captive, raped and tortured. I'm sure she is going to feel more comfortable talking to a female detective," she said pointedly. "I'm fine. Trust me."

"Ok."

XXXXX

Elliot pulled up to the brownstone on the outskirts of Manhattan and Dickie was waiting for him. He took Noah out of the backseat and they went into the house together. It was 3 bedrooms and 3 baths with the option to knock down a wall on the second floor and make another bedroom. The home had a lot of potential but Elliot was concerned about getting it all done before the baby came. He and Dickie walked through the house talking over ideas for renovations, painting and prices.

"So what do you think dad?"

"It's a good find. You did pretty good to say that this is the first one that we looked at. I feel like it has a lot of potential."

"Good. I could really see you guys here."

"Yeah…I'm a little concerned about the price though," Elliot said trying to work the figures in his head while keeping a close eye on Noah who was walking around the empty space.

"We can work on that. That's what you have me for. I told you I think I could get it down some," Dickie explained.

"Alright well let's see what you can do with the price. In the meantime, let's go and look at the next one."

They went and saw three more houses. One he wouldn't even walk in because of how it looked on the outside, one was too far away and he knew Olivia would not be ok with the commute and the last one was a pretty good contender. There was just something about the first house that stuck with him. After looking at houses for a few hours, they decided to grab a bite to eat and talk over all of the options. Elliot was surprised when Dickie suggested it. Even though they were on better terms, he still walked on eggshells a bit with him because Dickie inherited his moodiness and temper. He knew that at any given moment the atmosphere could change between them and he was hoping that everything would stay positive.

"So it seems like the first house is the one you really like," Dickie said after they both gave the waitress their order.

"I do like that one. Like you said I could see all of us there. I want Olivia to take a look at it of course. I have a few pictures I'm going to show her and then we can set up another appointment to look at it."

"Good. I have some more to show you just in case. Later in the week if you are up to it."

"Of course I'm up to it. Thanks for helping us out like this," he said sincerely.

"No dad the pleasure is all mine especially because of the commission," he joked.

Noah started to whine when his crayons hit the floor and before Elliot could bend down to retrieve them, Dickie was already on top of it.

"Here you go little Squirt," he said handing him the crayons and Noah immediately perked up.

Elliot took notice and smiled adoringly at his eldest son. He really was adjusting well to the change in their family dynamic.

"So how are things with you and Lucy? Seems like it's getting pretty serious between you two."

Dickie gave him an embarrassed look.

"Don't worry, I'm not just making that assumption based on the fact that I had to deep clean our couch," he smirked.

"Dad!" he exclaimed.

"Ok ok I'm sorry I couldn't resist. Don't be embarrassed. You're an adult and you told me you were being careful. I'm not going to give you any shit about it."

"Really?" he asked surprised. "That's new. I expected a lecture."

"You have your own place, your own money and you are ready to deal with any consequences that come along with having sex. You are a lot more prepared than I was when your mom and I first got together," he explained and Dickie nodded his understanding. "But if it were your sister I probably would've reacted differently and I will deny it to the day I die if you ever tell her I said that."

They laughed together and he could see his son's wall coming down.

"I really do care about her," he confessed. "I didn't expect it to be like that. I just thought she was cute when I saw her at the adoption party but the more time I spend with her I just feel like maybe you know…" he struggled to put the words together.

"She could be the one?"

"Yeah," he said blushing slightly. "How do you know when a girl is the one? I mean I guess I can't ask about you and mom because she isn't the one so how about with you and Olivia?"

This was definitely a step in the right direction. Not only was he talking to Elliot about his relationship with Olivia but he was also opening up about his personal life. He wasn't always the best with talking about things but for his oldest son, he was going to make sure he didn't get this wrong. He wanted him to feel comfortable enough to talk to him like this all the time.

"That's a tough one. I was in love with Olivia a lot longer than I was ready to admit for obvious reasons," he said giving him a knowing look at the obvious pink elephant in the room. "I finally admitted it to myself when I thought I almost lost her when she was hurt on one of our cases. Then she left for a little while and I was a wreck."

Dickie nodded taking it all in while he continued to eat his food.

"I don't want you to end up like me in that regard. I don't want you to have to almost lose her to know she's the one. I was stubborn and I lied to myself for a long time. When I saw Olivia again I knew I would do whatever it took to be in her life again and to be with her forever. You will know if she's the one. And I'm thinking if we are having this conversation then you already know."

"Yeah, maybe so," he agreed with a small smile on his face.

"If it makes you feel any better, I know she's the one."

"Really? How so?"

"Well if she's got you talking to your old man about relationships and not willing to dime your sister out about this new boy she's seeing to divert the attention away from you then she's definitely a special young lady," he teased.

Dickie took a moment before he answered. "I like talking to you now. Its easier." He kept eating his food and was shifting uncomfortably.

"Thank you," Elliot said simply. "And thank you for what you said at the wedding reception."

He nodded his head and continued to eat his food.

"Oh and Dick. I've been told I'm pretty good at picking out engagement rings so…whenever you're ready," he joked.

"Geez dad!" he exclaimed and rolled his eyes.

"Don't lie to me. You've thought about it haven't you?"

"I'm your son, of course I did," he shot back referencing Elliot's non-fear of commitment and marriage.

"Ouch. I don't know if that's a compliment or not."

"Well thanks it won't be for awhile since we've only been dating a few months but I may actually take you up on that offer….you know when I'm ready," he said looking down at his plate not making eye contact. "Plus it's better than taking Mo or Lizard. They would probably just tease me the whole time or pick out something way over budget."

Elliot's mind thought of another suggestion. He didn't want to offer it but felt like it was the right thing to do. "You know you could always take your mom. I'm sure she would appreciate that."

"Yeah maybe but she would probably just cry or something," he said trying to be nonchalant and shaking off the idea. "Me and you can just go. I mean…..if you still want to."

"Absolutely."

XXXXXX

Olivia got briefed by the doctor before walking into the hospital room. The victim's name was unknown and they thought she was around nine years old. She had been raped, sodomized, her right leg was fractured, her left eye swollen shut and she had not spoken to anyone since she came to the hospital. She would just shake her head yes or no when asked questions. They had no way of identifying who she was because she didn't give them a name. Olivia called Amanda back at the squad room and had her check records of all missing persons in New York and nearby areas to see if there was someone who fit her description.

Olivia watched her silently through the small view in the hospital door for a few minutes before walking in. The girl was staring ahead of her, completely oblivious to the television that was playing cartoons above her. She was staring off in the distance and if Olivia had to guess she was probably replaying everything she went through.

Her leg was hanging in a cast elevated and her arm was in a cast as well resting on a pillow. There was a patch over her eye and her hospital gown looked too big for her. She didn't know what the young girl looked like before but Olivia could tell she was a shell of her former self. Her cheeks sunk in slightly, evidence that she had lost weight in a short amount of time. She was hoping that Amanda would be able to find something that would give them an idea of how long she had been missing.

"Are you going to go in?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," Olivia answered slightly startled. "I was just trying to see if she was awake. I'm going in now."

She pushed the door open quietly careful not to startle her. She could tell the little girl registered that someone was in the room but did not turn her head.

"Hello there, I'm Olivia," she said in her soft tone that she reserved for talking to victims to make them feel comfortable. "I'm a police officer."

She walked slowly towards the bed taking in the machines around her and carefully cataloging each of her injuries.

"Can you tell me your name?" she asked when she finally made it to the side of the bed. The girl didn't answer but made eye contact with her. She had long light brown hair and green eyes that were welling up with tears. Her lip quivered slightly and she was trying to hold back from crying.

"It's ok sweetie, it's ok," Olivia said moving closer to the bed and pausing just before placing a hand over hers. She gently lowered her hand to try and touch her but the girl flinched and retracted her hand placing it over her stomach. Her other hand in the cast also flinched.

"I'm sorry," Olivia apologized. The girl looked up at her again, an apology in her eyes but still hadn't managed to say a word.

"If you can't tell me your name how about writing it out for me?" she asked. "I could have one of the nurse's bring in a little wipe board and you can use the markers and spell your name for me. How does that sound?

She gave no response and continued to look down. The image broke Olivia's heart. She had seen kids traumatized before but very rarely was she not able to get one to at least talk to her.

"Ok how about this? I'll just sit here for a little while and watch television with you. You can tell me your name or anything whenever you're ready."

Olivia didn't expect an answer from her and instead sat down on the small couch next to the bed. She sent a text to Nick telling him she was going to sit with her for a while and he could swing by and pick her up later. She also texted Elliot to tell him she would be out of pocket for a few hours at the hospital on a case and to text and not call if he needed anything. She wanted to make the environment as peaceful as possible for her.

She didn't know what made her stay but she felt that she needed to be there and nowhere else at the moment.

XXXX

Elliot was concerned when he received Olivia's text message.

_Going to stay with the vic a little while at the hospital. May be home a little late. I love you._

He knew from the way she talked about the case that this one was going to be hard for her. She clearly identified with the victim and the fact that she was a child would only pull at Olivia's heartstrings more. She always had a way with the victims. That's what made her good at her job and one of the things he respected most about her but he couldn't help but be a little anxious. He worried that all of this would be too much for her especially with being pregnant.

Elliot was soon pacing back and forth in the house. Olivia's ordeal was something that hadn't been discussed much between them except for when he first came back in her life. Even then she kept the details vague and glossed over what she went through and focused more on how much she wished he had been there for her. He remembers watching for the signs when they first got together to see how much of the trauma she still carried with her. There weren't any nightmares and she didn't even seem to be as fazed as he was about Brian's comment. He figured the whirlwind of their relationship and Noah's adoption had probably been a welcome distraction and all he could hope was that their continued happiness would be enough to keep the ghost of William Lewis from haunting their lives.

XXXXX

Olivia had been on the small sofa in the hospital room for a couple of hours when she started to get hungry and her back was starting to hurt. She shifted a little trying to find a little more comfort but nothing was working. Over the last few hours, nurses had come in and out checking the girl's vital signs and the whole time she said nothing and barely

moved. She had the nurse bring in a mini wipe board to see if she would write anything on it but she just let it sit at the end of the bed.

Olivia's movements captured the girl's attention and she watched her attempting to find a comfortable position on the couch. When their eyes met, Olivia watched the emotions play out over her face. She wanted to talk. She wanted to say something but the words just wouldn't form.

"I know," Olivia said. "I'm still here whenever you want to talk."

She stood up and began to rub her stomach when she felt the baby start to move a little bit.

"You're hungry I get it, we will eat soon," she whispered to her belly. She turned back to the girl in the hospital bed and noticed she was staring at her baby bump and tears were rolling down her face.

"It's ok honey," she said soothing her. For once when Olivia approached the hospital bed she didn't recoil like she did the other times. "What is it? Here," she said handing her the wipeboard. "Do you want to write it down?"

She pushed the board away in frustration and carefully reached towards Olivia instead. Olivia remained super still waiting to see what her next movement would be. To her surprise, the girl's hand landed on her stomach.

She watched quietly while the girl's hand lightly brushed her back and forth. She mumbled something that Olivia struggled to here.

"Hey. Are you ready to tell me your name?" she tried again thinking that they were finally making progress.

Her head lifted to meet Olivia's eyes and she finally mumbled one word. "Baby."

XXXXXXX

Nick dropped Olivia off at home around 7pm. She walked slowly to the apartment trying to drag out time so she could think over her last few hours at the hospital. She wasn't able to make much progress with the victim other than the word "baby." She was trying to calm herself and put on as much of a brave face as possible for when she entered the apartment. She knew Elliot would be watching her like a hawk and concerned about her and she didn't want to give him any reason to worry. He seemed ok when she talked to him on the way home so she was hoping things would stay that way.

Nick briefed her on the way home on what they had found so far which wasn't much. Crime scene techs were wrapping up at the scene where they discovered her and was hoping to find as many clues as possible. Without her statement they didn't have much to go on and everyone was frustrated.

Olivia sighed before she turned the key and walked into the apartment.

"Hey Noah look who's home," Elliot said pointing to her.

"Mama mama," he squealed. She picked him up kissing him on the cheek while walking to the kitchen to give Elliot a kiss too.

"Something smells good. What is all this?" she asked noticing all the ingredients laid out on the counter.

"Kathy is dropping off Eli and he demanded tacos so here they are," he explained.

"Oh Eli is coming over tonight?" She had totally forgotten.

"Yeah remember we are going to have him for the new few days," he reminded her.

"I totally forgot."

She saw his eyes on her and quickly tried to fix it. "I thought it was next week. Well either way I can't wait to see him especially if it gets you fixing tacos. Me and this one can't wait," she said pointing to her stomach.

"I'm sure you are hungry. Did you eat anything at the hospital?" he probed.

"I had something out of the vending machine but I'm starving so please hurry," she said yawning and slapping him on the ass.

"Yes ma'am. Why don't you go take a shower and it will be done by the time you get out?" he suggested.

"Good idea. I'm probably going to crash right after, I need to be at the hospital really early in the morning to see if I can get through to the victim. This girl is really shaken up but I think I'm making a little progress," she explained.

He watched her closely for a few moments to see if she would recall on her own.

"You don't remember do you?" he asked with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"We have a doctor's appointment in the morning. It's your routine checkup and then they are going to schedule the amnio," he said flatly.

"Oh my god," she said stunned. She truly had forgotten. Everything with the case had completely occupied her mind and she hadn't seen the reminder in her phone. "You are right I did forgot. It's no problem I'll just…I'll go over after the appointment," she explained.

"Do you want to reschedule?" He was really hoping she would say no but offered her an out anyway.

She saw the change in his demeanor and wrapped her arm around his waist laying her head on his chest. "Absolutely not. Work is second, I told you that. We are going to get this little peanut checked out and then I'll go to work after. Ok?" Olivia rubbed the back of his neck and kissed him softly for added reassurance.

He returned her kiss and his mood softened. "Ok. Go take your shower."

Her phone rang as she was walking to the back but she decided to ignore it. She was too tired to deal with anything else.

Elliot glanced at the screen, saw it was Fin and decided to pick up.

"Hey Fin."

"Hey Elliot. I know it's late but I have something on the case and I think Liv is going to want to know. Can she talk?"

He wanted to say no but he knew the agreement he had with Fin about Liv being overworked while pregnant. For him to call it must be a big deal.

"Yeah she was about to get in the shower, hold on one second." He walked to the bathroom and gave her the phone. "It's Fin, he said it's urgent," he explained noticing the bemused look on her face.

"Hey Fin what's up?"

"Your victim, we identified her."

"That's great who is she?"

"She came up in missing persons. Sydney Greenwood, she's actually 12 years old. She's been missing for over a year. Case went cold when they couldn't find any leads," he explained.

"He's had her all that time," Olivia said sitting on the side of the tub trying to steady herself. She couldn't imagine what this girl would have gone through being held for that long.

"Yeah and there's something else Liv."

"What?"

"CSU found a decomposed body near the landfill where we found Sydney."

"Jesus Christ. How many girls is he going to kill? We've got to catch this guy," she sighed.

"That's the thing. This one wasn't a girl. It was the body of a baby boy."

XXXXXXX

P.S. It took me awhile to update this week because I was working on a one shot called "Smoked and Mirrors". Feel free to check it out. A bit more angsty and dark than this one but E/O nonetheless.


	57. The Light and the Dark

Chapter 57: The Light and the Dark

Olivia was quiet on the way to the doctor's appointment the next morning. Her thoughts kept going to the conversation with Fin the night before. After the discovery of the baby boy's body her thoughts immediately went to Sydney. She was convinced that Sydney's reaction to her pregnancy and the discovery of the baby were related but she didn't know how. Then there were the thoughts that sobered her the most. A dead baby. She rubbed her stomach subconsciously every time she thought about it. For a few hours she lost perspective for a little bit. She was getting a little too emotionally involved and she needed to put some distance between herself professionally and mentally from the case. She felt sorry for Sydney without a doubt, but she needed to take care of herself for her baby.

Elliot watched her closely during their ride but didn't want to say much. He knew how Olivia was when she was processing something and she needed to go through the motions. He just hoped that at some point she would talk to him about whatever was going on. When he parked the car at the doctor's office, he reached over to lightly squeeze her hand for reassurance and to break her out of her reverie. He gave her that look that she knew all too well from their years as partners. The silent question 'Are you ok?' She returned his smile and nodded her head. She was fine.

As they walked into the waiting room, she reached for his hand and stroked the inside of his palm. The motion seemed to relax him and he gave her a genuine smile.

"I'm excited to see her on the sonogram again and see how much she's grown," she said after checking in at the front desk.

"Me too. Has she been active this morning?" he asked grinning. Talk of the baby always put him in a better mood. He didn't seem to be studying and worrying anymore.

"Yeah she was moving right before we got in the car."

Olivia's phone started to vibrate and it was Nick calling. She was about to answer it when the nurse called her name.

"Olivia Stabler," she announced.

She silenced the phone and glanced to see Elliot smiling. She didn't know if it was because she didn't take the work call or because he loved to hear her called by her married name.

They walked back to the exam room after getting her weight and she noticed the nurses whispering and looking at them. They went over the normal screening question with Dr. Wilder's nurse and then Olivia began to get undressed.

"So what's with the nurses around here?"

"What do you mean?" he asked with a mischievous grin on his face. She knew exactly what he meant.

"So you're going that route? You're going to act as if you didn't notice the whispers and looks when we walked back here," she said sincerely amused. She appreciated that he was able to lift her mood so easily.

"Well I did warn you about that but you didn't believe me. I think they are all just a little sad to see such a good looking man officially off the market," he boasted.

"Oh please. I thought maybe they were just gawking at my weight," she countered.

"Liv, you are 5 ½ months pregnant and unless you are standing at a certain angle in some clothes, you can't even always tell. Your weight is just fine," he assured her. He stepped in between her legs that were dangling from the exam table and gave her a peck on the lips. "Even if it wasn't I would still love you."

"We will see if you are saying that in a few months when I'm as big as a house," she said jokingly. She had wanted to be pregnant for so long. In actuality, she didn't care what her body ended up looking like as long as she brought a healthy baby into the world.

"Yes I will say that no matter how big you get," he said deepening the kiss. She moaned a bit into his mouth before he pulled back. "Even though all these young hot nurses want me."

She slapped him on the back and laughed before pulling him back in the crux of her legs and kissing him again.

There were a few knocks on the door and then Dr. Wilder entered.

"Well well, it's nice to see some things haven't changed," she teased smirking at her and Elliot. "I would also ask how you are feeling but it seems like you are doing just fine."

"I am doing well thank you and thank you for entertaining my horny husband and his questions about our honeymoon sexcapades," she said sitting back up on the table while Elliot moved back over to sit in the guest chair.

"It's my pleasure. Plus believe it or not he's not the first to ask such questions. I would rather him be safe than sorry. But seriously how have you been feeling?"

"I've been feeling really good. No more sickness, appetite is fine.."

"Sexually and otherwise," Elliot interrupted.

She rolled her eyes and continued, "She's been moving a lot and kicking up a storm."

The doctor jotted everything in her notes nodding at the information Olivia was giving her, "Ok all good signs. I went over the test results and with the history your brother gave us everything looks good so far. How's work? Have you been doing okay with managing your stress?"

Olivia hesitated and Elliot looked down not making eye contact with her or the doctor. He didn't want to speak for her or rock the boat by saying he thought she was stressed out when she felt she had a good handle on things.

"Olivia?" the doctor asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"There's a tough case I'm working on, child involved and…some pretty bad stuff but I'm going to take care of myself. I promise. Not too much stress," she assured her.

"Ok, I trust you. If something comes up though you give me a call. Olivia nodded her affirmation. "Now lay back and let's get a look at her."

Dr. Wilder squeezed some gel on her tummy and began to move the wand around.

"And there she is," she announced cheerfully zooming in a little more so the baby would be closer on the screen. "She's definitely an active one. You guys are going to have your hands full. Looks like her mouth is moving too."

"Uh oh that's not a good sign, hopefully she doesn't talk as much as my other daughters," Elliot joked.

"Or her father," Olivia added.

The doctor pointed out her different features and Olivia watched the screen effectively tuning out everything around her. She vaguely heard Elliot asking questions but her focus was on her little girl on the screen. This was all that mattered. For those few moments that she watched her she forgot about everything else that was going on. There were no thoughts of Sydney, of dead babies, of cases or anything work related. She thought about her husband and the light in his eyes when he talked about their daughter and most importantly she thought about her words to Dr. Thompson just a few short months ago. That she would do anything and everything to make sure that this baby was healthy. And that's exactly what she planned to do.

XXXXXX

They left the doctor's office in good spirits and Elliot texted the kids to let them know that everything went okay. While he updated the kids she talked to Fin and Amaro who were giving her updates. Sydney was still not talking but seemed to be more alert and aware of what was going on around her. Melinda was doing an autopsy on the baby boy's body and should have results for her sometime this afternoon.

"Do you want me to drop you off at the office or we go back home and you take your own car?" he offered. He really didn't want to take her to work and back to the stress of the case but he didn't want her to see his hesitancy.

"Neither. How about we go and have breakfast?" she offered.

He couldn't hide his surprise and narrowed his eyes at her trying to gauge her mood.

"Are you serious? I thought you had to get back to the office?"

"I do but I didn't eat much this morning just some toast and juice. I need a real meal," she said giving him a genuine smile.

It was a bit of a peace offering. They weren't at odds but she needed to assure him that her first priority was their child's well being. She didn't want there to be any doubt and she was grateful that he hadn't called her out on it yet. The old Elliot would have pushed the issue and it would have become a huge argument but he was trusting her and that meant a lot.

He returned her smile and squeezed her hand. "So where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere is fine. I'm not too picky." He arched his eyebrow, "really?"

"Ok ok, let's go to Another Broken Egg. They have some of the best breakfast," she said getting excited suddenly at thinking of food.

When they sat at the table she put her phone on vibrate and put it in her purse. Elliot's surprise was once again evident on his face.

"No phone? This is a first," he teased.

"I just want to have breakfast with my husband. No distractions."

He breathed a sigh of relief and thanked her with a slight upturn of his lips. She'd been distracted and it was nice for him to feel like he had all of her attention. He knew things would have to change once they got back from the honeymoon but he had gotten a little spoiled from all their time together.

The waitress arrived and they both placed their orders before settling into small talk about the appointment.

"She's looking really good Liv," he said glancing at the sonogram pictures again.

"Of course she is. I told you everything is going to be fine. She's going to be fine," she assured him. "What did the girls say when you called them?"

"They were both excited. Told me to tell you to continue to take it easy."

"Surprise surprise."

They were interrupted briefly by the waitress who came back with their drinks.

"Any updates on the case?" he asked tentatively. "You didn't talk much about it last night other than they found a baby at the crime scene. You know I know the drill. You can talk to me about it."

"Yeah I know it's just that I don't want to bring that negativity into our home. Kills the vibe," she explained taking a sip of her apple juice.

"Would you prefer if we went out into the hall and talked about it?" She flashed a small smile but continued to play with her glass on the table to kill some time. He was attempting to lighten the mood but he understood what she meant. He applied the same philosophy to his marriage with Kathy and that's didn't turn out so well. He didn't want it to drive a wedge between them as well.

"No, we don't need to go out into the hall," she sighed before continuing, "Yesterday when I was at the hospital with Sydney she didn't open up until she saw I was pregnant. She touched my belly and said the word baby. It's all she said. I was trying to figure out what it all meant."

Elliot sighed and sat back in the booth. His wheels were turning as well. She knew immediately that he was thinking the same thing that she was.

"You find a dead baby not far from where she was found and then she reacts to seeing you pregnant. So you're thinking…"

"That the baby was hers."

XXXXX

A few hours later, Olivia arrived back to the hospital to see if she could get some information from Sydney. Before she could make it to the room Melinda and the main doctor on her case stopped her.

"We got the results back from some tests we ran on Sydney Greenwood. She tested positive for Chlamydia and there are also signs that she's given birth recently," Dr. Williams explained looking anxiously over at Melinda who held open the manila folder containing the autopsy results.

"I ran Sydney's DNA against the DNA of the baby…"

"They're a match," Olivia interrupted looking over the paperwork.

Melinda nodded her head, "There's more. We have Harrington's DNA in the system from a conviction he had ten years ago."

"He's the father," Olivia stated.

"It wasn't an exact match only a partial. He's not the father, he's the grandfather," Melinda said.

Olivia's eyes widened with recognition.

"Harrington has a son, Marshall. Carisi and Rollins interviewed him a few days ago along with other members of his family. They claimed they haven't been in touch with him," she said feverishly typing numbers in her phone.

"Is Marshall his only son?"

"I'm pretty sure."

"You get me his DNA, I can prove it," she added. "Ill send you a copy of his autopsy report. Death is being ruled a homicide."

"I'm on it."

Olivia thought for a split second about asking Melinda more about the baby but she had the report and she would look at it when she was ready. Right now wasn't the time. She called Fin, told him about the DNA tests and that Marshall was the likely accomplice. Getting their hands on him would be the key to tracking down Jonathan Harrington and taking him down once and for all. In the meantime, she was going to take another crack at Sydney.

She took the folder with the autopsy report in with her as she slowly made her way to the young girl's hospital bed.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked softly not really expecting an answer. Sydney turned her head to look at her as she approached. Olivia wasn't wearing a blazer so her baby bump was more noticeable than it was the day before. Immediately Sydney's deep green eyes locked eyes with her stomach and she began to sniffle.

"It's ok Sydney," she said putting her hand over hers. Her head jerked up to Olivia's at the sound of her name.

"Yes I found out your name. It's Sydney Greenwood. I know that you are 12 years old and you've been missing for a long time. We are trying to track down your parents and they will be here soon to get you. I know they miss you so much," she said in a soothing voice.

There were long moments of silence, just machines beeping and the low lull of the TV in the distance before she heard her small voice. "They're dead."

"Your parents?"

Sydney shook her head up and down.

"What happened to them?" she asked.

"He killed them," she responded with tears running down her cheeks.

"Who is he?" she coaxed. "Can you tell me his name?"

She was quiet again and Olivia knew she was scared.

"I promise he won't hurt you. You are here and we have a guard outside this door. He can't get to you. Who is he?"

She didn't want to push for too much too fast but she was finally making headway. She had to get this girl to open up before any more bodies turned up.

"Mr. Jon. He said they were dead and then he.." She started to squeeze the pillow her arm was resting on trying to distract herself.

Olivia pulled up a chair and sat close to her stroking her hand. "What did he do honey?"

"It hurt. It hurt a lot." She started to cry and Olivia continued to hold her hand until she settled. She needed to ask about the baby, she had to. Every moment that passed was one moment that another child was getting hurt.

"Sydney was there someone else that hurt you? Other than Mr. Jon?" she asked gently.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Do you know his name?"

"I don't know all of their names," she sobbed.

"How about one name? Anything you remember," she cajoled her.

"Marshall. He hurt me the most," she continued to cry. "Please please don't let them find me." She began to panic and started to thrash around in the bed causing the nurses to come rushing in.

"You're going to have to leave now," one of the nurses yelled.

Olivia was stunned in place watching as they struggled to administer a sedative into Sydney's IV.

"NOW Lieutenant. No more questions for the day."

She left out of the room and stood from the door as she watched the little girl slowly succumb to the sedative and the machines stop beeping as her heart rate returned to normal.

Olivia thought she would be sick at that moment. There was so much more they needed to know from her but she wouldn't push her anymore right now. All she could do was hope and pray another body didn't show up soon.

XXXXX

Olivia spent a few hours at the office interrogating a few of the Harrington family members including Marshall's mom, Harrington's ex-wife who swore she hadn't heard from Marshall over the past few days. He had disappeared after the last interrogation. They decided to keep surveillance on the mother and Harrington's daughter Caroline. She wasn't convinced they knew anything but it was the only thing they had to go on at the moment. Throughout the day she thought about looking at the baby's autopsy report but decided against it. She texted Fin to let him know she would be leaving while he and Rollins were out following up on a few leads.

She walked up to the apartment door around 6pm, a pretty decent hour considering the case. She was tired, hungry and needed to put her feet up. Before she could put her key in the door she heard the ruckus on the other end.

"Hey Liv," Lizzie said when she walked in. Her, Dickie, Lucy and Maureen were gathered around the coffee table playing a board game. "We were wondering when you would get home."

"Well hello there, what are you guys playing?" she asked putting down her badge, gun and bag.

"We are playing Monopoly and Dickwad is cheating as usual. Dad's in the back changing Noah. You want to play?"

Before she could answer Elliot emerged from the back with Noah in his arms. The little boy started to squirm as soon as he saw his mom. She took him from Elliot placing kisses in his hair.

"Oh I missed you so much today," she said and then reached over to Elliot to give him a kiss. "I missed you too."

"Hmmm, I didn't expect you home so early because of the case I thought I would see you later," he said kissing her longer.

"I'm tired and hungry so I thou…"

"Oh no, can you guys give it a rest please? Dad come jump in the game. I'm kicking Liz's ass. She's almost bankrupt," Dickie called from the living room.

"I know you of all people aren't scolding anyone about public affection," Elliot spoke up arching his eyebrow and effectively silencing him.

"Wait what's dad talking about?" Lizzie asked turning all her attention on to them.

Dickie turned back towards the game board, "It's nothing, let's just keep playing."

"Oh I know what he's talking about," Maureen spoke up grinning.

"Dad you told her!" Dickie yelled in disbelief putting down his monopoly money. Lucy was once again blushing but taking it a lot better than her boyfriend.

"Told her what? Somebody tell me!" Lizzie whined.

"Guys guys enough, everyone leave Dickie alone," Olivia intervened holding her arms up to quiet the masses. "It's not that big of a deal it happens to everyone. Let's just play the game and move on. Someone deal me in."

Lucy smiled at her and Dickie gave her a look of gratitude while she took off her shoes, put Noah down and got comfortable.

Elliot smiled at the scene and was thankful that she was able to let go of the day and just enjoy spending time with the children.

"Dinner's almost done and then I'm joining in too," he yelled from the kitchen.

"Don't worry Dickie, I always have your back," she said winking at him. "Speaking of, El before I forget did that package come in today?"

"What package?"

"I ordered a plastic slip cover for the couch for whenever Dickie comes over so he doesn't make a mess."

Dickie's eyes widened and Elliot and Maureen erupted in laughter.

"Oh my god," Lucy said in horror until Olivia started laughing and put her hand on her knee to tell her to lighten up. She eventually joined in with the laughter and put her arms around Dickie's neck to loosen him up as well.

He smiled at Lucy and pulled her closer, "You know Liv. I actually used to like you. My dad and his wicked ways have finally rubbed off on you," he teased.

"Ew that joke better not mean what I think it means," Lizzie frowned and a new round of laughter started.

Olivia watched as Elliot joined the table and they began to play the game together. Lizzie was still frowning at the thought of Dickie and Lucy having sex, Maureen was rubbing her burgeoning belly while Elliot looked on in contentment, Noah was standing near her holding her fake money looking on in delight and Dickie and Lucy were hugging one another plotting their Monopoly revenge.

_She could do this_, she thought to herself. In her line of the work she would always be caught in two different worlds. But she could manage it. The good and the evil, the pit and the peak, the light and the dark.

Coming up: Cops close in on the suspects and the whole story of Sydney and the baby comes out.


	58. Three Men in a Bar

Chapter 58: Three Men in a Bar

Over the next two weeks as Sydney's wounds healed she began to talk more to Olivia and she learned a little more about the little girl's background. Her rescue and the discovery of the baby's body must have been enough to spook Harrington and his crew momentarily because another body had not turned up. She was trying to be patient and slowly earn Sydney's trust but she needed more details and she needed them now.

The frustration of still not having found the suspects and certain aspects of the case were making Olivia restless. She didn't want to keep Elliot up because he had just gotten back from his weekend of training in DC and was dead tired so she decided to relocate to the living room and go over some of Sydney's statement to see if there was anything she was missing.

Olivia was convinced that because there were other girls they had captive over the years this couldn't have been the only baby they killed and it could help them put a pattern together to help find Marshall and Jonathan's location. Moreso she needed to know why he killed some girls and not others. They tracked them to several old warehouses but they had since been cleaned out and there was little to no evidence there.

"What are you doing up babe? It's almost 3am," Elliot asked his voice raspy and full of sleep.

"I couldn't sleep so I'm just going over some of the notes I have on what she's told me so far," she responded still concentrating deeply on the papers surrounding her.

"Liv, you need to get your rest. Come on, let's go back to bed," he said. He tried to reach for her arm but she pulled back.

"I can't. We've got to catch this guy," she said determined. "I know there's something we are missing. Someone has got to be helping this guy or there's a contact that we aren't thinking of. And Sydney…I just…she's almost there to trust me but I need her to tell me everything and she keeps holding back."

Elliot looked on at her still keeping quiet. He could see her frustration and he knew why this case meant so much to her but it affected him to see her so upset about someone not opening up about what they had gone through when she still hadn't opened up to him. It's something that hadn't been talked about much between them and he didn't want to push it but the more he had seen her so affected by this case the more he was hoping that she would see the parallels and want to talk to him about everything.

He was so quiet standing in front of her that she finally looked at him for some kind of reaction. He hesitated a moment before it eventually came out. "It's definitely frustrating when someone won't talk to you about what they went through," he said looking her square in the eyes. "I'm sure she will come around though."

Olivia fidgeted with her hands in her lap, his ironic statement not lost on her.

"It's not the same thing," she whispered.

"To me it is. You won't tell me what happened to you. With Lewis….. or with Sealview," he continued to speak softly. Now he was fidgeting with his hands as well.

"This is for a case Elliot." Her tone was a bit more forceful and she was pissed that he would use her work as a way to bring up what happened with her.

"And this is for us," he quickly countered. "I want you to be able to talk to me about anything, about everything."

"I do talk to you just not about this! I told you I don't want to relive it. Why would you bring this up now? When I'm pregnant?" she asked her voice getting louder.

"That's exactly why I'm bringing it up. I don't know what it is but something is off Olivia. There's a reason other than reliving it that you don't want talk to me about it and with this case I am concerned about you. You think I just want to get off on the sick details?!" he yelled back. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

"I just want to be able to help you."

"If I need your help Ill ask for it," she snapped back.

Noah began to whimper and they both sighed heavily having to stop the conversation.

"Ill go get him," she said about to get up.

"No," he said putting his hand out to stop her. "You continue your work. I'll go get him and go back to bed." His defeated posture was evident and she felt like she was failing him but the other side of her was angry that he wouldn't let it go.

"Elliot?"

He didn't answer just turned around and looked at her. His blue eyes were sullen and his hand resting on the drawstring of his sweatpants.

"I love you. You know that right?"

She felt like she had to say it. She always wanted him to know that no matter how much she shut down, her love for him was as strong as it ever was.

"I know," he said giving her a quick sad smile. "I love you too. Good night."

And with that he went into Noah's room and shut the door.

He fell asleep in the daybed in Noah's room that was usually reserved for Eli when he came to visit. The next morning she came into the room quietly watching him sleep with Noah on his chest. The hurt in his eyes last night hurt her more than she could ever realized and she found herself crying in her bed alone when he didn't return to their bedroom. She slept for about an hour before giving up and getting up to make coffee and breakfast, her own version of a peace offering.

She stroked Noah's soft brown hair as he lay on Elliot's chest so peaceful and then she caressed Elliot's arm that was around his little body. She didn't want to wake him up she just wanted the comfort of feeling his skin under hers but he stirred anyway.

"What time is it?" he rasped. "Don't tell me it's morning."

"Ok then I won't tell you anything," she said with a slight smile hoping to lighten the mood.

He let out an exasperated breath and put his hand on his forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep in here. I was going to come back to bed." He wanted her to know that even though they had a disagreement he had no intention of them sleeping apart.

"I'm glad to hear that. I thought…" She stopped herself not wanting to finish the sentence.

"I was upset but I'm not going to shut you out Liv. I love going to sleep next to you and waking up next to you. That's never going to change no matter how mad we are at each other. Ok?" he said kissing her hand.

"Ok."

"I still meant everything I said last night. I know you don't agree but…," he was getting up to put a sleeping Noah back in his crib without waking him up. "I just want you to think about one thing. If the roles were reversed. Would you want to know?"

She considered his question for a moment and then met his eyes. He knew the answer and so did she. She would want to know.

"I thought so."

When she still didn't say anything, he gave her a kiss on the forehead and turned to leave the room. "I'm going to take a shower."

While in the shower Elliot's mind was constantly on the exchange with Olivia. He hated arguing with her and any kind of strife between them caused him to be imbalanced. He didn't feel right if the both of them weren't on the same page but he felt like he couldn't let this go.

After Olivia left for the day and Lucy arrived to take care of Noah, he went back to his apartment to finish packing up his clothes, dishes and things he left behind in the months he had been spending at Olivia's place. The truth was he just needed a little space from everything and to think. It seemed like it had been so long since he spent more than an hour at the place he called home for a year before Olivia came back in his life. Although he had grown someone comfortable in the one bedroom bachelor pad, it didn't quite feel like home until his kids started coming over more often and he started to date Olivia and she and Noah would spend time there. Now glancing around at the boxes and bare walls he couldn't help but think how much things had changed but there were things that stayed the same. He always knew that Olivia was independent. It was one of the things he loved about her. She was able to make her life into whatever she wanted and she didn't depend on anyone for anything but he wanted her to not have to take on the world by herself. Although she had made some strides since they reconnected, the trauma she suffered seemed to be the one barrier that he couldn't break.

Elliot eventually picked up the phone and decided to make some plans. He needed to blow off some steam and he and this person needed to clear the air one on one anyway. He was surprised to see he answered on the second ring and they agreed to meet at the old cop bar around the corner from the station.

XXXXX

Elliot was sitting in a booth in the bar nursing a beer when he saw Fin and Nick walk in. He waved his hand so they could see him and soon they were all settling in.

"What you having?" Nick asked. "Just a beer?"

"Yeah for now," Elliot answered.

"I hope you don't mind that I brought Nick," Fin explained sitting down. When they originally talked earlier in the day it was supposed to just be Elliot and Fin but Fin felt that Nick's presence would be good since he was Olivia's last partner and they hadn't had a chance to hang out together.

"No, not at all. The more the merrier, I could use a guy's night. Drinks on me tonight order whatever you want."

Nick gave his trademark grin, "Well since you put it that way."

"Hey hey hey, keep in mind Stabler's got an entire football team at home to support," Fin joked and Elliot couldn't help but laugh.

"Well you keep in mind he does have a wife that's making some pretty decent bank," Nick added.

"Plus I only have 3 ½ kids still on the payroll thank you very much." He appreciated that they came tonight with a sense of humor. It was just the break he needed to take his mind off everything.

"Where does Liv think you are right now?" Fin asked seriously.

He gave a somber look before taking a drink of his beer. "At the apartment packing." He waited a moment before timidly asking, "How was she today?"

"As good as can be expected. We are keeping an eye on her Stabler. She's a little stressed but Liv's a soldier you know that," Nick added sipping from his beer that was just brought over to the table.

"Yeah. Sometimes I wish she didn't have to be though."

Fin and Nick passed each other a knowing look and realized they were in for a deep conversation. Almost simultaneously they both took off their jackets and got comfortable.

"What's on your mind Stabler? Just give it to me straight," Fin asked with his patented glare.

Elliot played with the label on his empty beer bottle and signaled to the waitress for another before he started, "I'm worried about her and I'm pissed at her. I think this case is getting to her and I'm worried about the stress it's causing to her and the baby. Then I'm pissed because I know why this case is getting to her."

Nick shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I know it has to do with Lewis and she still won't talk to me about it," he said clenching his fist.

"You guys have never talked about Lewis?" Nick asked genuinely surprised.

"We've talked about it vaguely but she hasn't gone into details. It's like the Sealview thing all over again."

Nick furrowed his brow confused, "Sealview?"

This time it was Fin's turn to look uncomfortable.

"Ahh so she didn't tell you about that either hunh?" Elliot chuckled bitterly. "Figures."

"No. What happened at Sealview?"

Nick and Elliot both turned to Fin waiting for him to talk.

"Liv went undercover there as an inmate to catch a guard that was raping inmates. While she was there..she uhh had a close call with the prison guard there," he explained eyeing Elliot cautiously. "I got there just in time."

Nick's eyes grew wide. "He was about to rape her?"

"Yeah."

Elliot's whole body was tense and his jaw clenched. "So how close did he get?" he asked gruffly.

"Elliot man come on," he said pivoting in his seat. "You know I can't do that."

"Why not?" he asked through clenched teeth leaning in closer to him. "Wouldn't you want to know if it were your wife?"

"I would want to know," Nick added agreeing with Elliot.

"I recognize that but this is Liv. She asked me to keep that confidential. This isn't an ordinary situation," Fin tried to explain. "Then let's be ordinary," Elliot said desperately. "Right now we are just three men in a bar. It's not about badges, police work, or anything else. I'm just a husband who wants to know what his wife has been through so he can help her deal with it and not drown in every case that reminds her of it."

Fin looked at Nick and realized he was outnumbered. Maybe it was because Elliot and Nick have always been so similar or because they had both been her partner or because they both valued family more than anything. It really probably was because of Liv. She was the common denominator with everyone and although he knew Elliot's heart was in the right place he couldn't break her confidence.

"You are right Elliot. I would want to hear it but it wouldn't mean shit to me if it didn't come from her."

Elliot rubbed his hands down his face in frustration.

"Ill tell you this. He didn't rape her. She was fully clothed when I got to her so there was nothing he saw but I don't want you to think she didn't tell you because she didn't think the two of you were close or because she was trying to shut you out then or now. Back then you had just put your family back together man. I think deep down inside she knew if you knew what happened with Harris you would hurt him or worst case scenario kill him. She didn't want to do anything that would compromise your badge or your family."

He sat back drinking his beer and took in what Fin said. He was right. He would've harmed Harris no doubt about it but it killed him to know that once again Olivia had put him before herself. She deserved to have someone protect her.

"So I guess that takes you telling me anything about Lewis off the table too hunh?" he asked looking at Fin first then to Nick. He started to see that maybe Nick was his best bet because he seemed to think a lot like him.

"There's not much I can offer up about Lewis," Nick spoke up. "I wasn't in there when she gave the statement. All I know is probably what you know which came out in the trial. Cragen and Barba have kept that pretty close to the vest for good reason," he said matter of factly.

Elliot had a feeling that they both didn't know much about Lewis and knowing what he knew of Fin, he figured he didn't press her for the information.

"I just..I just want to know. What was she like afterwards?" he asked his voice shaking revealing his emotion.

"If you are thinking now that she is anything like she was back then, you are wrong. I swear," Nick offered. "She's internalizing I can see that but with Lewis she would zone out. A lot. She was angry. It changed her. I'm sure you can sense that," he added.

"This case is tough for all of us," Fin added. "For Liv yeah it's on a whole different level because of the similarities and it's a young girl that gave birth to her rapist's baby just like what happened with Liv and her mom. Back then with Lewis she really had to live in the filth he left her because she didn't have an outlet."

He leaned in to the table and made sure that Elliot had his undivided attention. They haven't always seen eye to eye but he deserved to know.

"Cassidy was there but you know Cassidy was….well Cassidy," he said and they all gave a knowing snicker. "You know you pissed me off a lot over the years but the truth is the life she has with you ensures she will never go down that path again. She feels the pain of the case and I see it on her but when you call or bring Noah by or she looks at those pictures on her desk, man it brings it home for her. She's not just the job anymore. That's the difference. She won't ever go back to what she once was. I believe that 1000 percent and if I thought any different I would tell you. That's what you hold on too man. Liv will tell you when she's ready and I think that time is sooner than you might think."

Elliot absorbed his words completely thinking it over while checking his phone that lit up with a text message from Olivia.

"Now since the tab is on you I'm going to go to the bar and order me some real liquor. All this serious talk has me needing a grown man's drink. Come on Nick," he said motioning for Nick to come with him. "I think Stabler has a call to make real quick."

With Nick and Fin gone and a few moments to take in everything, Elliot opened his phone to reply to the message when another one came in.

'How much longer will you be?' Was the first message.

The second was 'I miss you'

Instead of texting her back he decided to call her instead.

"Hey," she answered tentatively. She was still on edge after their disagreement and didn't know if he was still mad and that's why he retreated from the apartment.

"Hey. I miss you too. I'm on my way home," he said with a smile in his voice. He could hear her release a sigh of relief.

"Ok," she said simply.

Elliot walked to the bar and left some cash on the counter next to Nick and Fin. "I'm heading out fellas."

"So soon?" Nick asked smiling. "I get it man. Thanks for the drinks."

"No thank you. Thank you both," he said shaking their hands.

Fin eyed him suspiciously and noticed his change in demeanor. "You good?"

"I'm good," he assured them. "Just talked to Liv. I'm headed home. I want to catch the little guy before he goes to bed."

"Good idea."

Elliot was on his way out before he had another thought and turned back around to face them, "Look you know Liv would probably kick my ass if she knew I asked you guys…"

"She will never hear it from me. That confidentiality goes both ways," Fin assured him.

Nick nodded his head to agree, "Me either."

"Thanks."

XXXXX

Olivia was feeding Noah when Elliot walked in.

"Hey," she said her face lighting up when she saw him. In spite of the awkwardness she was genuinely glad to see him.

"Hey," he said to her. "Hey there big guy," he said greeting Noah who smiled with mashed potatoes hanging out of his mouth.

"There's food on the stove in case you didn't get a chance to eat," she motioned over to him.

"Come here," he said pulling her close and holding on to her. He smelled her hair and breathed in all of her as she relaxed into his body.

"I'm sorry," she said first.

"No I'm sorry Liv. I need to just…give you time. I guess I'm just not the most patient person."

"No shit," she joked.

They held each other a little longer before she pulled back and rubbed his face. His scruff was rough against her fingers but his blazing blue eyes were piercing her and she could see the love and sincerity there.

"I'm going to tell you about them both when I can just get myself together. You deserve to know the story…the whole story," she said nervously and focused her attention on his chest instead of looking directly at him. "Not just what I told Cragen and Barba."

Elliot froze.

"You didn't tell them everything that happened to you in your official statement." It was both a question and a statement. It was actually one of his biggest fears. He knew Olivia. If there was something she felt didn't need to go on the record because it wouldn't affect what he was charged with and interfere with how people thought she could do her job she wasn't going to say it.

She nodded in affirmation and then laid her head on his chest. "He didn't rape me El. I promise you," she said wanting to give him at least that little bit of comfort. "But yes. There is more."

XXXX

A/N: I know I know, oh the angst. It all has a purpose I promise. Trust me

Special thanks again to my super beta eorocks. She edited this one for me and boy did she have her work cut out for her ;-).


	59. Back to the old days at the 1-6

Chapter 59: Back to the old days at the 1-6

Olivia spent the next few days continuing to interview Sydney. She listened for the slightest detail, anything that would help her find Jonathan and Marshall. There were a few things that Sydney said that she thought may be a lead but it turned out to be nothing.

Sydney's dad was notified that she was found and he and his new wife were staying in New York waiting for her to be released from the hospital. Sydney thought that both of her parents were dead so receiving news that her dad was still alive and that Jonathan didn't kill him like he claimed pushed her morale forward in a positive way. She was starting to become less frightened and there were no more incidents of her panicking and having to be restrained. She looked like she was going to be released soon and based on the conversations that Olivia was having with her doctors and Mr. Greenwood. Olivia knew the second that Sydney was released he would take her back to New Jersey and their access to her would be limited at best. She couldn't say she blamed him. If it were her daughter she would do the same thing but she wasn't and this was a police investigation. She needed all the information she could get from the one survivor they had. Once Sydney was gone there would be no further chance to talk to her and get her statement.

To make matters worse the Chief of D's was all over her once again because of the press involved. Word got out that there was a baby at the scene and the interest in the case renewed. They followed false leads that came in through a tip line and canvassed the streets to no avail. Olivia was beginning to bang her head against the wall. She wanted this case over for personal and professional reasons but she couldn't bear to do anything that would stall or harm Sydney's recovery. She went to the hospital talk to her everyday for an hour or so either before work or on her way home.

On this particular day, Olivia decided to stop by in the morning on her way to the office. "How are you this morning?" she asked her trying to sound especially vibrant. Sometimes she felt Sydney fed off her energy so she always made it a point to sound as encouraging as possible when she first came in despite the negative turn their conversation may take later.

"I'm ok," Sydney answered with a small smile. "Doctors said I can probably go home in a couple of days."

Olivia was torn in her feelings about her release. She knew having her close to the hospital and police would keep her safe and give them easy access to her but seeing the joy on her face at the thought of leaving the hospital made her smile in return. "That's good to hear. I bet you can't wait to be back home."

"Yeah." She spoke in a little voice and bowed her head warily.

"What's wrong? You don't want to go home?" Olivia asked holding her hand that was now free of the thick cast.

"Of course I do," she agreed but her smile didn't reach her eyes. "It's just been a long time since I've been home. I just don't know how it's going to be. It will be weird seeing everyone again."

She understood that fear and she wished she could assure the little girl that people won't stare and treat her like a victim for a long time to come but she knew better. For the first time since she's been rescued Sydney looks like a different person, more confident and assured despite her occasional slips back into being nervous. She looks older than she is no doubt because of what she has endured and she's talking in more complete sentences instead of shorter answers.

"Do you remember your friend's names? I bet they are excited to see you again," Olivia prodded using her patented interview technique of having the victim think of something positive to talk about.

"I remember Ashley Moore. She was my best friend. We did gymnastics together," she said smiling despite herself.

"Wow a gymnast. I had no idea. I wanted to be a gymnast when I was a little girl too. What was your favorite event?"

"I loved them all," she said proudly and she's beaming. "But Ashley was the best. Scored a perfect ten once."

"I bet you can't wait to get back to gymnastics and see Ashley again," Olivia prompted.

Sydney nodded her head enthusiastically. "Yeah."

"So what about your other friends? I'm sure you hung out with more than just Ashley."

"There was Catherine, she was on the gymnastics team with me. I went to her house a lot. We would make up routines and stuff," she added rubbing her arm as if she was nervous.

"Sounds like quite the crew there," Olivia said.

"Yeah they called us the Fantastic Four."

They were interrupted by Olivia's phone ringing and she momentarily cursed herself for not remembering to put her phone on vibrate until she realized it was Lucy's ringtone.

"Excuse me," she said walking to her purse to retrieve the phone and Sydney paid close attention.

"Hey Lucy everything ok?"

"Yeah but I think you have Noah's ear drops in your purse and I need to give them to him soon," she explained.

The phone volume was loud enough that Sydney could hear the conversation.

"Damn," Olivia cursed putting her hand up to her forehead and sighing. "I forgot to take them out of my purse from when we ran errands yesterday. I'll bring them back to you before I go in the office. I'll be there in about thirty minutes."

She hung up the phone and her eyes locked with Sydney who was suddenly staring.

"You have a little boy?" she asked. Her voice was shaking and her demeanor was completely different than it was before Olivia answered the phone.

"Yes I do. He's almost two years old."

She maneuvered back over to the bed and sat down. She felt they were getting closer to talking about her deceased son and maybe there would be more information to go on.

"What's his name?" Sydney asked looking at the screensaver on her phone.

"His name is Noah."

"That's a nice name," she said rubbing the picture on the phone. Olivia watched her closely and as she was getting ready to ask a question, Sydney interrupted.

"My baby's name was Astor," she said sadly still staring at the picture.

She made sure to stay silent and allow her to talk at her pace. She was beginning to open up and Olivia didn't want any sudden move to deter that.

"I only had him for a few days before…" she stalled and began to get emotional. "What are you going to name your baby?"

The sudden change in topic threw Olivia for a loop.

"Umm I don't know yet. We haven't really talked about it much," she answered watching her closely. "How did you choose the name Astor?"

She was still being very gentle and cautious with her questions.

"My grandma always said you name babies after a positive time in your life or something you view as happy. My name is Sydney because my mom and dad met in Sydney, Australia when she was an exchange student. They both loved it there. Every time she talked about her time there she would just laugh and laugh," she explained and the same smile she had on her face when she talked about her friends returned. She missed her mother and she hated that such a cheerful memory would be soon marred by grief at having to constantly come to terms with the fact that her mother is dead.

"Sounds like she picked the perfect name for you," Olivia said tenderly.

"You should do that with your baby. Think about a time when you were really happy or something positive and name your baby after that."

She nodded in response and shifted before continuing her line of questioning.

"Is that how you came up with Astor's name?" she asked beginning to rub her hand again. "Because it was something positive? A happy time in your life?"

Sydney laid her head back on her pillow and looked up at the ceiling. She fidgeted with her arm for a moment and Olivia was certain she lost her.

"Yeah," she finally answered.

Her voice was so soft that she wasn't sure she heard her at first.

"I saw the name all the time when he took me out. I felt like one day I was going to get away or that someone would recognize me. It gave me hope."

They sat in silence for a few instants while Olivia's mind was going on overdrive at the revelation until the door opened and the nurse came in. "Good Morning Lieutenant, I trust that you are on your way out," she said curtly.

This nurse was not fond of the police and especially Olivia because she was there everyday. She felt that she was hindering Sydney's progress and always causing her to be upset.

"Yes I am. We were just saying our goodbyes," Olivia said passing her a stern look.

"Ill see you tomorrow," she said placing her hand on Sydney's who nodded back to her.

She was annoyed that the nurse cut her off just when she felt she was getting somewhere but the baby's name probably served as her biggest clue. On her way to the station she called Fin and updated him on the conversation. They were going to search all places with the name Astor in it for some type of clue. They were close to finding these guys, her instinct told her so.

XXXXXX

The team minus Olivia spent the day searching the area and couldn't find much. Noah was a little fussy due to his earache so she decided to go home early and spend some time with him while Fin and the team continued to canvas. During the day she talked to Sydney's dad who provided her with some of her things from school including yearbooks and pictures. She wasn't sure that she would find anything but she always had a thought in the back of her mind that there was a reason that Sydney was left alive and the other girls weren't. She was also looking for any kind of connection between her and the other victims or the Harringtons. They tried that angle originally and came up empty but it deserved another look.

She relieved Lucy for the day and comforted Noah rocking him back and forth in the living room. Olivia's presence calmed him tremendously and he just seemed to enjoy being in his mother's arms. The feeling was mutual. After her conversation with Sydney, she desperately wanted to just hold him. She got him down after about an hour and went back to the couch to go over the things from Sydney's dad and check in with Fin.

"Any luck?" she asked him.

"Not yet Liv, we've checked all the places with Astor in it, we even went to Astor Place and searched the entire two block radius. We've searched places that even sound like Astor. Nothing yet," he said sounding frustrated. "Ill call you as soon as we have something. How's little man doing?"

"He's sleeping right now. I'm going to keep going through her personal belongings. Something has to be here."

"Yeah I want this guy. We're going to get him Liv. Don't worry," he said trying to assure her.

"Keep me posted," she said hanging up and answering her other line.

"Hello."

"Hey Liv it's Liz." She sounded more chipper than usual and Olivia's mood lifted marginally.

"Hey honey what's going on?"

"Does something have to be going on for me to call my favorite stepmom?" she asked sarcastically.

"Liz…"

"Ok ok I'm busted. Geez I've got to work on being more subtle," she said to herself while Olivia chuckled. "Ok here's the deal. You haven't said much about it so I thought I would help you out with it since we are getting closer to your due date."

"I'm not due for another three months or so and said much about what?"

"Your baby shower. Most people have them a month or so before the baby is born," she explained eagerly.

"Oh honey, I don't know about that," she said rubbing her neck and trying to get comfortable.

"Liv you have to have a baby shower. It's tradition. Plus this is the only baby you will have, you have to experience this," she insisted. "But then again this is you and Dad. It may not be the last baby you have," she added with that typical Stabler sarcasm.

"Liz trust me. This will be the last baby that I have and…ok you win. I'll have a baby shower," she said giving in. She didn't have the fight in her to take on her stepdaughter and she was pretty sure she would lose anyway.

"Ok perfect," she said and Olivia heard her clap her hands together in the background. "I know you are busy so Casey and I will start planning."

"Casey?"

"Yeah I talked to her before I called you."

"Of course you did."

Her head popped up at hearing Elliot walk in the door.

"Oh honey your dad just walked in," she said pointing to the phone and mouthing to Elliot that it was Liz.

"Tell him I said hello. I'm headed in to meet some friends at the library and Ill call him later. Love you both. Bye," she said in a breeze and hung up. Olivia smiled at the phone as she set it back down on the table.

"What is she up to now?" he asked smirking at her.

"Baby shower."

"I had a feeling that was coming. Good luck," he said. He took off his jacket and walked over to the couch to sit next to her.

He looked tired after spending the day with Dickie and a contractor. They had decided on a house, the first one that Elliot saw and liked. She went to see it and ended up falling in love with it too. He spent the last few days seeing how much all of the renovations they wanted would cost before they put in an offer.

"Hey. Is Noah sleeping?" he asked.

"Yeah he just went down. He's feeling much better," she said leaning into him and giving him a kiss.

He took off his shoes and got more comfortable while inspecting all the papers and everything surrounding her on the coffee table. "How's the case?"

"I think we may have a break. I talked to Sydney today and she opened up about the baby's name which I'm pretty sure is a tie to where they were keeping her," she talked frantically shifting through the papers on the table. "I also have all this stuff here from her room, old school stuff that I'm going to go through."

He thought long and hard about his next move. He was going to go with his usual asking her if she's eaten and offering for her to lie down but he figured it wouldn't go over well. She left work early to be with Noah so that was a good sign that she wasn't completely consumed with the case so he decided to throw her a gesture of good faith.

"Do you want me to help you?" he asked beginning to pick up some of the papers on the coffee table.

"Really?" she asked surprised.

"Of course. You know you and I used to be quite the crime solving team back in the day," he teased.

"You act like it was so long ago El. It's only been a few years."

She was beginning to relax. She sat back on the couch and rubbed along the small of his back. He was leaned over going through everything she had.

"So this is them hunh?" he asked holding up the old mugshots of Jonathan and Marshall.

"Yep that's them."

He looked at the pictures closely and shook his head. They looked like any father son he would see on the street. Nothing out of the ordinary or thought provoking. That's what always scared him the most when he worked Special Victims. It was the first time he really came to terms with the fact that monsters could be just about anyone.

"And these are her personal pictures and her yearbook," he said going through one by one. "What are we looking for?"

"That's the thing, I don't quite know."

He lifted his lip slightly smiling. This brought him back to the old days at the 1-6 when they were just two younger detectives, headstrong, eager and solving high profile cases with little to nothing to go on but that's what made them great. Benson and Stabler, the best team at SVU that got away with more than most because of their impressive 90% closure rate.

"Never stopped us before," he smirked and she returned the smile. "Let's get to it."

They were going through everything and talking through Sydney's statement for half an hour when one of the pictures caught his attention.

"Hey is this her? It's a picture of her in a leotard. Looks like it's at a Gymnastics recital," he said.

"Yeah that's her. Those other girls must be her friends she told me about," Olivia said leaning over him to get a better look at the photo. "Yes that's them. Ashley Moore, Catherine Dearing and..Maya Hutchinson."

Olivia's mind was wandering and he was struggling to keep up.

"Liv what is it?"

"Sydney didn't mention Maya. I wonder why," she said beginning to go through the yearbook again. "Here they are again. The fantastic four," she says whimsically thinking back to their conversation. "She told me that. She told me they called them the fantastic four and I didn't put it together at the time that she only mentioned the three of them."

"Maya is the answer. She left her out for a reason," Elliot concluded.

Olivia hurried to grab her phone and called Fin while Elliot continued to look through the pictures to see if he could find something else.

"Fin. I think I have something. Maya Hutchinson one of Sydney's friends. I need you to see if you can find out the name of her parents and look for a connection with Jonathan or Marshall," she said

"Liv look, here," he said walking over to her showing her a picture in the pile. "I think I already found their connection. It's a picture of a birthday party. Check out who is in the background trying to stay away from the camera." He held up the photo so she could see. It was Jonathan Harrington with his arm around a woman in the background.

"What the hell?" she said in shock. He had a different hair color and was wearing glasses but it was definitely him.

"You've got to get to Sydney and have her tell you who that woman is," he said.

"I don't need to," she said definitively. "Look at her eyes, the hair color, the smile. Maya looks almost exactly like her. Jonathan Harrington knows Maya's mother."

She was holding the phone temporarily in shock and not hearing Fin shouting in the background.

"Liv you there?"

"Oh yeah Fin I'm here. Maya Hutchinson's mother. She's the connection. See if you can pull Maya's birth certificate, get her name and find out what you can about her. In the meantime I'll call Barba and have him get with the ADA in Jersey to get a search warrant," she said pacing.

"I'm on it."

She hung up and got ready to dial the phone again before hanging up quickly. The sudden stop in movement got Elliot's attention.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I need a favor."

"What's that?" he asked with an eyebrow arched. He wasn't sure if he was ready to hear it.

"Work this with me," she said hopeful. "I mean your team. I know Dodds and he's going to want the Feds brought in on this. I'm actually shocked it hasn't happened already," she expressed.

"Maybe he has more faith in you than you thought."

"Yeah but this time he would actually be right. This crosses state lines and now that we know that Maya's mom may be involved this could be something much bigger than we ever imagined."

She went back to the couch and put her hands in his lap while he contemplated what she was saying.

"If I have to deal with the Feds on this I'd prefer it to be one I trust…. like my husband," she said her voice low and putting her head on his shoulder.

He thought for another moment and smiled at her. "If I didn't know better Lieutenant I would think you are trying to bribe me," he said giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"Is it working?"

"You don't have to bribe me. I would like nothing better than to work with you again. Let me call my case agent and also see if I can round up the guys. I think some of them may be on assignment but I know that Eric is free."

He started to dial his phone to put in some calls and she did the same. She called to update Chief Dodds on the new developments and told him that she had looped the Feds in. He seemed genuinely shocked that she took the initiative to call him and bring in the Feds in on her own but was thankful to have something to take back to his superiors.

Elliot returned from the back and updated her on his call.

"Ok we are good to go. I talked to my case agent and they had already gotten wind that they were probably going to be brought in. He's sending a team of twenty agents to start with including Eric to come down and work with us on this. If you need more just say the word," he said putting down his phone. She started to put her jacket back on and grab her purse.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I need to get back to the hospital and talk to Sydney about Maya's mom. I think she would've talked to me more had that damn nurse not interrupted us. We've got to move on this quick while we've got the momentum, you know how that goes."

She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and was ready to head out before she stopped again.

"Come with me," she said simply.

"What?"

"We are officially working this together. Come with me. I'll get Lucy and Dickie to come back and watch Noah. He's going to be sleeping for awhile," she said again.

"Ok you go ahead to the hospital, talk to Sydney and I'll meet you at the precinct."

"Sounds good." She grabbed the pictures they identified and some of the paperwork and stuffed them in her bag. "And El?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you. I'm glad we are working together again."

XXXX

Coming up: Don't worry with Benson and Stabler at the helm this case won't go on much longer but we still need to bring these bad guys down.

P.S. Special thanks to **kukrae** for providing the new cover image for this story. It really is beautiful and puts a smile on the face of all of us that want Elliot and Olivia to have their happy ending.


	60. Benson and Stabler

Chapter 60: Benson and Stabler

**Author's Note:** Well let's just say I can't believe we are 60 chapters in and I feel like we have so much more to go. I am up to 200 followers and over 700 reviews for this story. What can I say? You guys are truly amazing! Thank you for all of your feedback, positive and negative and for continuing to read this story.

Here are some of the reviews that cracked me up this last time around:

**Hot Dam! Benson and Stabler go get em**

-Oh don't you worry. They are!

**I for one can't wait until this case is done so there can be some more EO lovin and drama!**

-I know hon, I know. But remember that house they are buying and renovating? They need to work to pay for it lol.

**Oooooo shits about to go down! Benson and Stabler back at it! LOVE IT!**

-Yes the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan. Glad you all like seeing them work together somewhere else other than the bedroom

On with the story shall we…

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia arrived to the hospital just in time to catch Sydney before she was about to be checked out of the hospital. She was released earlier than they anticipated because she was doing so well. She had to work fast to try and talk to her at the hospital because her dad just wanted to get her back home. After Sydney made it clear that she was tired of seeing the hospital and didn't want to stay a moment longer Olivia was able to talk her into coming to the police station instead. She brought her into her office to try and make her more comfortable instead of using the interrogation room. She instructed Rollins to make sure that no one came into the office and interrupted them.

Sydney's parents waited in one of the interrogation rooms while Olivia talked to her. She allowed her to get comfortable hoping that she would talk more.

She gave her water, let her pace back and forth a bit and Sydney's eyes settled on the pictures on her desk. "Your kids?"

"Yes," Olivia said proudly at the picture of her and Elliot on the beach after the ceremony with all of the kids in the photo.

"Wow. You guys have a lot of them," she said softly and Olivia chuckled.

"Yes we do."

"These are your friends?" she asked looking at the picture of the whole squad and everyone from the wedding.

"Yes that's them," she responded trying to read her mood. She saw the pictures as an opportunity to start the conversation. "That's the whole team and these ladies here," she said pointing to Alex, Melinda and Casey, "are my best friends. They've really been there for me during some very rough times."

Sydney put the picture down and took a deep breath. The change in topic clearly brought her back to the matter at hand and she sensed where Olivia was headed with her statement. "It's good to have friends," she added non-chalantly.

"Yes it is. But sometimes friends can hurt you." She stood in front of Sydney and lowered her head to make eye contact with her. "Or sometimes people close to your friends can hurt you." Sydney visibly flinched.

"Tell me about Maya," she said simply. She held up the yearbook with the four friends together that Elliot identified earlier. "You told me everyone called you the Fantastic Four but you didn't mention Maya." She then showed her the picture from the birthday picture. Sydney reached for the photo and tears started streaming down her face.

"Sydney, if you tell me everything we will catch this guy and I promise he won't hurt you or anyone else ever again," she consoled her. As she opened her mouth to talk there was a timid knock on the door. Olivia was annoyed for a second until she saw that it was Elliot.

"Excuse me for a moment," she said holding up a finger and walking to the door.

Elliot was standing at the door anxiously waiting for Olivia to open the door. He started talking before she had a chance to say anything.

"Hey Liv, I didn't mean to interrupt you but we have a problem," he explained.

When she saw his demeanor she was immediately concerned. "What's going on?"

"Maya and her mom are gone. Fin called me when he couldn't get in touch with you." Olivia held her hand to her head as if she was nursing a headache while she thought about her next move.

"Is she doing ok?" he asked nodding in Sydney's direction and making eye contact with her briefly.

"I'm trying to get her to open up and tell me everything. I think she's getting there," she explained.

"Do you think she may know where Maya and her mom are?" he asked. She thought it over. If anyone knew it was probably her. "She's probably our only hope," he added.

"Ok, Ill ask her," she said turning around to go back in the office and then had a thought. "Hey do you want to sit in on the interview with me?"

"Are you sure it wouldn't make her uncomfortable?" he asked tentatively.

"She seems better now. I don't want to miss anything she says and you and I used to be pretty good at this," she said with a slight lift to the corner of her lips. "At this point we have to try everything. I want this guy."

He agreed and entered the room carefully a few steps behind her. Sydney had already been watching them with curiosity and seemed to not be uncomfortable with Elliot's presence.

"Sweetie this is Agent St-."

"He's the guy in the picture. This is your husband," Sydney interrupted. Olivia and Elliot exchanged glances for a second before she continued.

"Yes it is. This is Agent Stabler with the FBI. He's working on your case too," she explained.

Elliot waved not wanting to scare her off by getting too close. They both motioned for her to sit back down and Olivia sat in the chair next to her while Elliot stood against the wall.

"I need you to tell me about Maya. Why didn't you talk about her before?" she asked again.

"Maya and I were the closest. We've been friends since we were babies," she started to explain before pausing and lowering her head. "I would go to her house all the time. Everything was fine until her mom and dad split up. They split up a little after my mom and dad did."

Olivia nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Sounds like you guys were really there for each other. What happened after her parents split up?"

"Miss Tina had a lot of men over all the time so my mom didn't want me over there any more," she said softly. "So Maya would come to our house all the time and she got mad."

With the exception of a few pauses to catch her breath, she went on to tell them that things became tense between her mom and Tina Hutchinson over her promiscuity and the men that were around her daughter. She told them that she sneaked out to go see Maya one day after gymnastics practice when Maya wasn't there. She stalled at this part of the story and began to cry.

"What happened next sweetheart? What happened when you got to her house?" she asked coaxing her along.

"I knocked on the door and no one answered. I know where they leave the key so I –I went in. I've done it before I didn't think there was anything wrong with it," she cried defensively.

"Shh shh it's ok honey. It's ok. What happened when you went in?" she asked consoling her.

"I heard her crying and so I ran to her room. He-he was on top of her hurting her," she choked out. "I-I-didn't know what to do. I just froze." She was beginning to talk more frantically and Olivia could tell she was mentally reliving everything that happened that day. She held her hand as she struggled to go on. "I wanted to help her but I-I didn't know what to do and then he was off the bed and grabbed me," she cried.

"I know you did. I know you wanted to help her," she reassured her. "I know this is hard but I need you to tell me what happened next?"

Sydney started to cry and was fidgeting with her hands. Olivia knew what happened to her at that point but she needed Sydney to tell her the details. She felt asking something of a child that she still struggled to do herself. She held her hands and Elliot brought her some water while she calmed herself.

"It's just..I don't wanna say," she choked out.

"Listen sweetie. I know. Trust me I know how hard it is to talk about this," Olivia said. "I know that it's hard to talk to someone and tell them all the ways that someone hurt you and I hate to make you think about this again. I wish I didn't have to but we have to know so we can help you and help those other little girls."

Sydney shrugged and drank more of her water trying to pull herself together. Elliot watched Olivia closely and noticed her emphasis on telling Sydney how hard it was to talk to someone and tell them what she had gone through. He felt her walls coming down and Olivia relating to her more as a victim of similar circumstances as opposed to a police officer investigating a crime.

"He pushed Maya on the floor and threw me on the bed. He-he told me to stop crying or he would hurt me but I couldn't stop. He to-took off my pants and ripped off my leotard and.." Elliot and Olivia simultaneously inhaled deeply and gave her a moment to compose herself. "What happened next?" Olivia asked.

"I couldn't stop crying. It hurt so bad and he bit me hard…here," she explained pointing to her right breast. "I screamed and it just made him madder….There were cigarettes next to the bed," she said beginning to breathe fast as if she was having a panic attack and started to rub the areas on her arms where the wounds from the cigarette burns were starting to heal.

Olivia bowed her head and had trouble keeping it together listening to her story. She willed herself not to cry and to continue asking questions. The words were not coming easily and for a moment she thought she would be sick.

"Where was Maya when all of this was going on?" Elliot asked picking up the line of questioning. He saw Olivia struggling and he wanted to go and wrap his arms around her but he knew they had to keep everything professional in front of Sydney. She made eye contact with him and silently thanked him for taking over.

"She was on the side of the bed crying. She-She was bleeding," she explained.

"What was the man's name that hurt you and Maya?" Elliot asked. He walked closer to her and kneeled down between her and Olivia.

"Mr. Jonathan. He was Miss Tina's boyfriend."

"What happened when he was finished?" Olivia asked finding her voice. She gave Elliot a reassuring look to tell him she was ok.

"He had me and Maya and told us we were going for a ride. When we got outside there was a van and they pushed us both inside," she explained taking another drink of water.

"Who is 'they' honey?" Olivia asked.

"Mr. Jonathon's son. Marshall….and Ms. Tina."

"She's part of this," Olivia said to herself in disbelief and glanced over to Elliot who was already out of the door.

"Sweetie why don't we take a little break. You are doing such a great job and being so helpful," Olivia said comforting her.

She followed Elliot out to the squad floor and he was on the phone. He put in a call to see how long until the FBI team arrived at the precinct and was given the word that they were scheduled to land in NYC in twenty minutes. They updated Fin on the new information regarding Tina Hutchinson and Rollins went hard at work running her name through all of their systems to find out as much information on her as possible.

Olivia went back into the office to get the rest of Sydney's statement. After telling the first part of her story, Sydney was more comfortable the second time around. She told Olivia that Maya was with her initially but eventually she disappeared and she thought Tina took her back home. She said that she was held with about five other girls at a time in a warehouse and they were all raped repeatedly by both Marshall and Jonathan. They were burned and beaten if they did not do what they were told and there were at least three or four babies born while she was in captivity that she could remember. She said she wasn't bothered as much when she was pregnant because they wanted to make sure the baby would be ok. Olivia's first thought was that the babies were being sold. After breaking down again briefly and being consoled by her father, Sydney admitted to trying to escape with her son shortly after he was born. Marshall caught up to her and beat her with the baby in her arms and left them both for dead.

Within an hour the squad room was filled with Elliot's team members from the Feds and Olivia called all hands on deck with her unit. Rollins had information on Tina Hutchinson and there was a tip that came in to the Jersey police about Maya and Tina's whereabouts.

"Eric so glad to see you again but not under these circumstances," Olivia said reaching out to hug him. "Thanks for agreeing to help."

"You guys just say the word and I'm here," he said hugging her back. "We all got the briefing on the plane and I brought some of our best guys. Can't wait to take this sick son of a bitch down."

Fin and Amaro were back in the squad room and Olivia was getting prepared to bring everyone together for a briefing when Chief Deputy Dodds walked in. He had a stern look on his face so she excused herself from the group and met him in her office.

"I assume you are not here to just sit in on the meeting," she said stoically.

"Well we have a slight problem. When you told me you were bringing in the Feds you neglected to mention that the Fed was your husband," he said stoically.

"What difference does it make? He's not working for me, he's working with me. We're not in the same agency or under the same command," she explained. "Are you guys really going to focus on perception while we have this bastard at large raping little girls, impregnating them and killing babies?" She was aware how political everything was but this seemed ridiculous to her considering what they were up against.

Elliot noticed the tense exchange and walked over to the office. "Everything ok?" he asked.

"Well I was just telling Lieutenant Benson, aka your wife, that there is some concern down at 1PP about the conflict of interest of having you two work on this together," Dodds explained. "I recognize what we are up against but with your wife at the helm if she were to make a decision that was perceived favoring you over anyone else on the team or if anything went wrong it could be a problem. There's a reason why we don't have police officers who are married work together."

"With all due respect you had no problem calling on me when you needed my help those months ago to help take down a serial rapist that killed my daughter's friend," Elliot pointed out.

"I recognize that but you guys weren't married then."

"But my daughter was a witness in the case. Conflict of interest is conflict of interest. You can't pick and choose when it works for you," he said sternly.

Olivia intervened when she saw Dodds beginning to waiver, "Look you said then we make a good team. That hasn't changed. We can nail this guy. We can deal with the red tape later, I've already called Barba and he said it won't be an issue at trial as long as we play by the rules. He's on his way down here and you can ask him yourself. Please. We are wasting time don't stand in our way."

He thought for a second and then agreed. "There's no doubt. Please play it as close to the rules as possible. I'll go talk to the powers that be and let them know I'm good with it and they should be too."

They both shook his hand and started the meeting. Elliot stayed off to the side with his team as Olivia walked both teams through everything they knew so far. They went over Sydney's statement, the victims that had been found, the background of the suspects and everything they knew so far. Rollins motioned for Amaro and they stepped off to the side during the briefing to take a call.

Elliot watched for any signs of Olivia being overwhelmed but with the exception of the brief breakdown she had while talking to Sydney about her injuries, she was holding strong. He observed her in awe as she commanded the room with a confidence that was all her own. She was meant to do this and as much as the idea of her continuing to be exposed to the horrors of SVU bothered him at times, he knew she didn't belong anywhere else. They would probably continue to disagree about the amount of time she spent at the office or if she was over exerting herself but he knew that whenever she needed help he would be there. It was the main perk of him working on the Feds now. He could still watch her back in some regard and it was like he was her work partner again, a role that he missed.

"Hey guys we got something," Rollins said running over to the evidence board. "This is Tina Hutchinson aka Tina Hawkins. She was last seen a few weeks ago at her home until she left suddenly with her daughter Maya," she said putting pictures of both of them up. "Maya has not been in school for the past few months and when school officials reached out to the mother she said she was homeschooling her before they vanished. Even then people only got a few glimpses of Maya from a distance. Witnesses say no visitors or anything."

Olivia and Elliot's mind both started wandering at all the reasons why Tina would be keeping Maya away from everyone's sight while Rollins continued. "Tina has a house rented under the name Tina Hawkins. Called the landlord, it's on Astor Row," she said looking at Olivia. "Shit that's the Astor we missed. Is there a warehouse in the vicinity?"

Fin was already on the computer pulling the location. "There it is," he said pointing to the screen. "A warehouse three blocks away and another one a few blocks further down. We need to check out both of them."

"Great job everybody. Let's suit up and head out," Olivia said.

As everyone scattered Fin and Elliot walked into her office with her.

"What do you mean by Let's?" he asked.

"I know I'm not going into the warehouse Elliot, there's going to be a command post truck and I will be in there," she explained.

Fin and Elliot exchanged glances but didn't say a word.

"Let's go, we are wasting time," she said heading for the door but Elliot sidestepped to block her.

"Liv, please just stay here," he said calmly. He knew he was playing with fire and she could react negatively at any time but he didn't want her anywhere near the scene. The command posts were always pretty safe and she would be inside a vehicle with other members of law enforcement but he just couldn't bear the thought of her being anywhere near the scene. Jonathan and Marshall had managed to evade police for over a year and he saw what they were capable of. If they could rape and kill children without a second thought he didn't put anything past them.

"El—"

"Please," he said closing his eyes and hoping she wouldn't make this difficult. "I am begging you."

Her first instinct was to fight with him. She knew she would be safe at the command post but she also knew if he was worried about her then that could affect his ability to focus and put people in harms way. This was one of the reasons that she was sure Dodds meant when he said there was concern about the two of them working together.

As a force of habit she caressed her belly and looked down considering what he was saying. When his hands met hers on top of her stomach she knew her decision was made.

"I just need to know that both of you are safe," he whispered.

And just like that their roles changed. They were no longer Benson and Stabler one of the best teams in the NYPD. They were a husband and wife genuinely concerned for each other's safety.

"Liv, I'll get Morales to bring everything you need from the command post up here so you can have audio and video. You will have all the same accesses," Fin assured her.

"Ok," she agreed never breaking eye contact with Elliot. Fin ran out to make the call and suit up and Olivia and Elliot continued to stand in her office with their hands resting on their unborn child.

"Thank you," he said giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Do me a favor?" she asked.

"Anything," he said knowing how much it took for her to agree to stay at the office.

She took her hands from his and held on to both sides of his face caressing his cheeks. "Be careful. Please."

"I promise," he said giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

"You ready man?" Johnson asked coming from around the corner.

He gave Olivia another kiss before answering. "Yeah let's head out."

Johnson noticed the look on her face and walked over to squeeze her arm. "Don't worry Olivia, I got his back. He will be fine."

"Thank you," she whispered squeezing his arm in response.

XXXX

An hour later, Elliot, Fin and the teams were in place outside of the first warehouse near Astor Row. Olivia, Morales and Barba were at the office looking at the video feed and listening over radio to everything that was going on. The video feed was spotty because it was dark and only showed the front door. Once they were fully inside, she would not have a view so she had to rely on the radio.

"Everyone in position?" she asked.

"Yeah," Fin responded. "Looks like they are in the front room and the girls are being held in the back."

"Ok. Go," she said simply.

She watched from the feed as the team went in and she was able to make out some shouting including Fin yelling "Down, get on the ground now!"

She heard Elliot yell, "Put the gun down. Hands above your head."

And another voice she figured was Johnson saying, "Don't be stupid, put the gun down."

There were some other muffled sounds before she heard gunshots ring out and then yelling.

She grabbed the radio and screamed into it, "Fin Fin what happened?"

She waited a minute for a response but didn't hear anything. "Fin, Elliot do you copy?"

There was some other muffled shouting before she heard nothing but static on the other end.

XXXXX

I know…I know. I'm going to hell. You guys haven't had a cliffhanger in a long time though! I couldn't help myself.

Also, feel free to follow me on Twitter ** beingdarlab**. I love to talk all things SVU especially Mariska and Chris…or you can just yell at me for this cliffhanger.

**Coming up:** What happened in the warehouse from another point of view.


	61. A Few Less Monsters

Chapter 61: A Few Less Monsters

A/N: Oh you guys are not happy with me….I figured that would be the case.

**I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN AT THE END... WHY? WHY MUST YOU DO THAT? Please don't let anyone from the Feds or the squad die. Ugh I can't believe you just did that.**

-I know. I'm a horrible human being.

**If anything happened to Elliot or Fin I will have your neck! **

-Hides neck and back just in case.

**Are you freakin kidding me right now? Not cool, my friend, not cool at all! Hurry hurry hurry with the update!**

-No I'm not kidding and your wish is my command.

Hmmm, where did we leave off...

XXXXXXX

Elliot and Fin were overlooking blueprints after they determined that the warehouse where everything happened was a few blocks from the house that Tina Hutchinson rented. They were careful not to be noticed in case someone came in and out of the warehouse. They used infrared cameras to determine that the girls were more than likely being held towards the back and it looked as though Jonathan and Marshall were in the front. They didn't have enough time to survey the scene as much as they would've liked because they didn't want to run the risk of being found out.

They were able to get everything into place in an hour and Olivia was listening in from the station while they formulated a game plan. With everything ready to go, Elliot and Fin took their place at the front of the line as they approached the door to the warehouse. Elliot was glad he couldn't see her face when they talked because he could hear the slightest bit of worry in her voice whenever she would ask him something.

"Everyone in position?" she asked.

"Yeah. Looks like they are in the front room and the girls are in the back," Fin responded.

"Ok. Go."

Fin took a deep breath and looked to Elliot before giving a quick nod and they burst into the room.

Jonathan was watching porn on a small TV and Marshall was on the other side of the room sitting on a chair with a young girl on her knees in front of him.

"Down, get on the ground now!" Fin yelled to both of them.

Marshall grabbed the girl by the hair and put a gun to her head immediately prompting Elliot to move closer to him with his gun raised.

Johnson stepped up to have his partners back, "Don't be stupid man, put the gun down," he said to Marshall.

Elliot's eyes were trained on the young girl. She couldn't have been more than 14 years old and she looked terrified barely dressed with Marshall's gun pointed at her head.

There was a standoff for what seemed like minutes but in reality was just a few seconds before Jonathan instead decided to reach for his gun but was immediately taken down by Fin and shot twice in the arm and shoulder. The gunfire distracted Marshall for a few moments allowing Elliot to get close enough to grab at the girl and Johnson wrestled the gun away from Marshall.

"Stay your ass down or I will shoot you," Johnson commanded.

Fin dropped his radio in all of the commotion and could vaguely hear Olivia screaming on the other end.

"Fin, Elliot do you copy?!"

Olivia's voice was resonating through the radio.

Meanwhile, Rollins and Amaro led the rest of the team to the back of the warehouse to seize the girls and also look for Tina and Maya who were as of now nowhere to be found.

"Call a bus," Carisi finally answered into the radio. "Suspect has been taken down with two gunshot wounds…everyone else is fine L-T."

He could hear Olivia exhale in relief and her voice crack when she said "Copy."

Fin began to read Jonathan his rights while he handcuffed him. He shouted out in pain from the gunshot wounds. A few feet over, Johnson was getting ready to handcuff Marshall when his eyes trained on Elliot.

The scent of cigarettes, seeing the girl still in hysterics as she was being ushered off by one of the female detectives and thinking back to Sydney's fragile state in Olivia's office was too much for Elliot to take. He was standing still, the veins in his muscles tensing from restraint. His senses were on overload and the reality of the situation was looming over him. It wasn't just Sydney and the girls that he was thinking about, it was also Olivia. He was face to face with a monster that was similar to the one that hurt his wife.

He didn't get a chance to squeeze the life out of William Lewis for every burn mark on her body, for the way he took a little bit of her life and the light in her eyes and the way that she still couldn't talk about what happened to her even when she encouraged others to do the same. His fists were clenching and he was poised to strike until he vaguely heard a voice in the distance trying to calm him down.

"Elliot, Elliot!" Fin yelled bringing him back to reality. He jumped when Fin put his hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

"Yeah," he said shaking his head back and forth and trying to catch his breath.

"You ok?"

Elliot paused to watch with baited breath as Marshall was dragged out in handcuffs by Johnson. He gave Elliot a smug grin as he was walked out.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good," he said shaking his head as if to rid himself of his thoughts.

Nick came towards them with a heavy look in his eyes.

"What's going on?" Elliot asked.

Nick put his hand on his hips and took a steady breath, "We found six girls in the back. They are all pretty banged up but all going to pull through. We also found Maya and her mom."

"Are they ok?" Fin asked.

Carisi then came around the corner with Tina in handcuffs. "Don't look at me like that! I did what I had to do!" she screamed at Nick, Fin and Elliot. "These girls weren't hurt. They wanted it! I had to give him what he wanted!"

"Shut up!" Carisi yelled while leading her to the front door.

A moment later, Amanda emerged from the back with a young brunette girl huddled over. Her hair was disheveled and she looked like she hadn't eaten in awhile. She was shaking and wrapped tightly in Amanda's police jacket. It was Maya. Elliot approached her cautiously and bent down to speak to her softly.

"Hello Maya. I'm Elliot."

"Hi," she said faintly leaning into Amanda.

"I have someone who can't wait to see you. Your friend Sydney. Would you like to see her?" he asked.

Immediately tears began to stream down the girl's face and he saw a hint of happiness fill her features.

"Yes," she said nodding her head. "I would like to see her."

"Ok, Amanda is going to take you to see her."

She walked out with Amanda close by her side and he saw the reason Nick was so distraught and why Tina had been keeping Maya hidden away.

They secured the crime scene, put all of the girls and a baby boy that was found into the paramedics and talked to a few witnesses near the warehouse. Elliot stood near one of the squad cars about to call Olivia now that everything was settling down.

"El, El!"

The voice stopped him in his tracks. Before his brain could register that Olivia was there she was in his arms. She was holding on to him tighter than she ever had before, her hands were wrapped around his neck and instantly all the tension left his body. He pulled her close to him, not leaving any space between them and breathed in the scent of her hair. They held each other for a few long moments before she pulled and made eye contact with him. She knew any answers she needed would be there.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"I am now. What are you doing down here? You were supposed to stay at the station."

"I stayed there as long as I could. We just had to make sure you were ok," she said putting her forehead to his and rubbing her belly. "When I heard those gunshots I-" She choked back a sob.

"Shhh. Everything's alright," he said kissing her forehead and hugging her against him. "You are not going to get rid of me that easily. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

XXXXX

It was almost 5am and the first signs of the sun were beginning to show itself over the city. The air was still and quiet, not remotely reminiscent of the chaos and danger that hid behind any given corner at any given time.

Elliot was tired.

He was tired and numb. He left Olivia and her team to interrogate Jonathan, Marshall and Tina in the squad room while he retreated to the roof. He called Maureen to check on Noah and she took him to her house while they wrapped up everything with the case. He couldn't get the sight of those young girls out of his head and although he had seen psychos like Jonathan and Marshall hundreds of times before, he couldn't make peace with their lack of remorse for what they had done.

He had been close to snapping when he saw Marshall. He had been close to slipping into that same routine that he perfected when he was a part of SVU when he would dish out his own brand of justice. But this was Olivia's job, her case, her team, her call and no matter how much residual anger he had left over from what happened to her with Lewis he would not jeopardize that.

"Hey. I was wondering where you had run off to. Olivia said I would probably find you up here," Johnson said taking a seat next to him on one of the crates. "Nice view," he said breaking the silence for a few instants while Elliot continued to look out over the city.

"Yeah. I used to come up here all the time when I worked in the unit to clear my head. Or to hide out from the Captain when I was in trouble," he weakly joked and Johnson snickered.

"Yeah I can imagine you would have to clear your head a lot working in that unit. We've seen some messed up shit in the FBI but I've never seen anything as bad as this," he added.

"Funny thing is, it never gets easier. Never," Elliot added.

Johnson paused a minute before continuing, "I thought you were going to take Marshall's head off there for a second."

Elliot chuckled bitterly. "I thought about it. People like Marshall, Jonathan, William Lewis, it's nothing to them. They torture, rape, destroy lives and they move on like it's nothing. Meanwhile, the people they leave behind are never the same."

He stood up and began to pace.

"Elliot, I know what Olivia went through was rough. Rough on her and rough on you. She may not be the same but shit what I saw tonight was nothing short of incredible. I've seen her take care of you and you two outside of work but this was my first time seeing her in charge and in her element. She's a phenomenal woman Stabler despite of what she's gone through. I don't know what she was like before Lewis but from what I see after him, she's doing damn good," he said seriously.

Elliot stayed quiet taking in everything he said.

"And as much as I hate to admit it I think you are a large part of that. She helped you heal and you are helping her," he added.

"You're right. When did you get so damn smart?" he tried to joke.

"Well every once in awhile I'm good for something."

They sat for a few more minutes in silence. As much as Johnson seemed ok with everything, the whole situation took a toll on him as well. He enjoyed the quiet to get himself back together mentally before he went home to his wife.

"Eric!" Olivia called out almost out of breath. He and Elliot immediately stood up. "It's Chelsea," she said holding her cell phone in her hand. "She's in labor. Your phone must still be off so she called me. Get your ass home now."

Eric grabbed the phone and began to talk frantically. "Baby hold on I'm on the way ok. I'm going to be there."

Olivia hung up the phone, "She's at St. John's, Dodds approved a straight helo from LaGuardia to Washington Executive. Chelsea's contractions are about 20 min apart...you'll make it. It's only a 2 hour flight. Car will be on the runway to meet you.

He hugged her, "Thank you."

"No. Thank you for helping me and for watching out for this big head husband of mine," she teased looking in Elliot's direction.

"It's not an easy job but somebody's gotta do it."

"Thanks man," Elliot said shaking his hand and pulling him into a hug. "You call me as soon as your little guy gets here. Send me pictures and let me know everything's ok."

"You got it."

And just like that he was gone.

Both Elliot and Olivia smiled at the door after him thinking about Eric and his little boy that would make his debut by the time the day was over. It was another small reminder that even in the midst of disorder there is order and goodness.

"So, you've been up here awhile," she said breaking the silence and moving closer to him.

"You know this is my old stomping grounds," he answered. He placed a chaste kiss on her lips and rubbed his hand slowly down her back while she rested her head on his shoulder.

"We got a confession," she said.

"From who?"

"Tina. It took awhile but she confessed and rolled over on Marshall and Jonathan. We've got DNA and statements. They are done. They are never getting out and Barba said he will seek the death penalty," she explained.

"Good. I'm glad you caught them."

"Yeah. A few less monsters on the street."

"But so many more left," he said sadly. "How's Maya?"

"She's doing ok. Sydney's dad took her to the hospital to see her. I heard it lifted her spirits a lot," she said smiling at him.

"How..How far along is she?" he rasped.

Olivia sighed before answering, "She's almost seven months along. A little girl. Based on the statements, more than likely Jonathan is the father but we won't know for sure until they run the DNA."

He held her tight and watched as the sun peeked over the horizon.

"What happens to her now?" he asked.

"She's going to live with her aunt. She's on the way to come get her. I talked to her, nice lady. She's even willing to help Maya raise the baby."

"She's going to keep it?" he asked surprised.

"She said she wants to….but we all know it's not easy to raise your rapist's baby," she added giving him a knowing look.

"Come here." She was glad that he didn't go into any speeches about her and her mother even though she knew her statement triggered those thoughts within him. She didn't want to talk about it and neither did he. They had been through enough for one day and she was exhausted.

She flinched a little when she felt the baby kick.

"Oh," she said holding her stomach. "Someone's wide awake."

"It's the crack of dawn of course she is," he added. "Are you pretty much done with everything down there?"

"Yes. Let's go home."

XXXXXX

Elliot headed straight for the shower when they got in the door. Olivia was on the phone with Dodds and the capture was making the early morning news rounds. He was eager to wash the evening off of him. He laid his forehead on the shower tiles and let the hot water pour over him soothing the tension in his neck, back and arms. His eyes were screwed shut trying to will away the tightness in his shoulders and chest.

He knew this feeling. This was how his body reacted every time he had to deal with a tough case that hit home for him in some way. It happened after Pete Breslin, Veronica Nash, Gordon Rickett, Malcolm Royce and a few others over the years. He would be so wound up that his body would crave some kind of intense release.

Elliot opened his eyes and stared at his raging erection. He was so hard that it was almost painful. He didn't feel like getting himself off and knew there was only one thing that would give him the release that his body so desperately craved but he knew she was exhausted. His mind was racing so much that he didn't hear her enter the bathroom and he jumped when he heard the shower curtain open.

Olivia watched him carefully for a second when she saw that he was leaned over with his head against the shower but when he stood up and she looked down she saw the reason for at least a part of his dilemma. The corners of her mouth lifted slightly and she read his mind. It was what she needed to.

Exactly what she needed.

After a hard case she would either get drunk, turn to an old flame for sex or both. When Elliot was separated she had thoughts of the two of them "fucking it out" into the wee hours of the morning until every bad thought was out of their heads and they felt normal again.

Elliot searched her eyes for permission that it was ok and she wasted no time obliging. Olivia crashed her lips against his and he maneuvered her around him so she was under the water now. The water quickly drenched her and Elliot watched with desire as the water fell against her golden skin and dripped from her hard nipples. He lapped up the water from her neck and her chest as his fingers teased her nipples and pulled them gently. She moaned lightly and her hand immediately landed on his back.

She traced the contours in his muscular back and moved her hands lower cupping his round, perfect ass. The motion made him rock his length into her and she moaned again. He began to suck on her right breast while he fondled the left one and the sensation coursed through her body causing her nails to sink into his skin. He growled and began to move his hand lower to her core.

Olivia was wet.

He knew before his hands made contact. The second his hands touched her folds, she had to brace herself with her right hand to hold herself up.

"I've got you baby," he assured her as his hands began to assault her insides. She was already beginning to contract a little and when his mouth made it's way to her breast again she whimpered. The sensation of his fingers inside her and his mouth on her was almost too much to take. She felt herself getting close but right when she was at the edge he stopped.

Olivia's eyes shot open in response and she was about to protest the loss until she saw Elliot get on his knees in front of her. He manipulated their bodies so she rested in the corner of the shower and lifted her right leg over his shoulder. He placed a quick kiss on her belly and wrapped his arm around her left leg to hold her steady. Before she could catch her breath he plunged his tongue into the depths of her and she began to come instantly.

_Elliot!_

Olivia screamed his name and he continued to taste her. She was clawing at his back and rested her hands on his head. She wanted him to stop but she wanted him to keep going. She was a fountain of need and he was more than willing to give her as much relief as she needed as it was giving him relief as well.

Elliot couldn't get enough of her and almost felt like he was losing control. He felt her come again and her body started to go lax. He could've continued but the shower was slippery and he didn't want to risk it. He stood up and held her in his arms while he turned off the water and aided her out of the shower. He helped to dry her off and dried himself off before her mouth landed back on his.

This time her kiss was slow and leisurely. She pulled his bottom lip into her mouth and her tongue sensually danced with his. Olivia broke the kiss and took his hand leading him into the bedroom.

She backed him up until his knees were touching the edge of the bed and took his length in her hand.

"Fuck," he groaned and attacked her lips again.

She continued to stroke his length with one hand and used her other hand to palm his ass. Elliot's body was beautiful and she was so turned on and slick for him.

He was dying to be inside her and couldn't wait any longer. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her hand towards him so she could straddle him. He had to lean back a little to make room for her stomach.

Once she was settled on both sides of his thighs, she lined him up at her entrance and slowly descended on his length. Both gasped at the sensation and he buried his head in her neck.

They stayed still.

Her head resting on his as they bathed in the feeling of one another. Just being inside her was all it took to make everything else go away. In this moment, there was nothing but them and this. After a few minutes his body was aching for him to move and she felt him twitch inside her. Without a word she pulled back from their embrace, gazed into the pools of blue and moved.

She moved slowly at first and although her eyes tried to drift shut the intensity she saw staring back at her willed her to keep them open as every inch of his length touched everything inside her. Their quiet breathing escalated into moans and their pace gradually increased.

"Uhh, just like that baby," he said placing both hands at her hips and guiding him up and down the length of him. He felt like he couldn't get enough of her and with his feet still on the floor he had enough leverage to take her the way he wanted. He shifted further to the edge of the bed, spread his legs wider and put his hands up her back resting on her shoulders. The new angle allowed him to go impossibly deep inside her and push her down onto him and her eyes slipped shut. It was all too much and then not enough.

"Ahhhh Elliot," she screamed.

"You ok?" he asked and started to slow down.

"Yes, don't stop please," she whimpered.

Olivia felt her orgasm creeping low in her belly as he continued to pound into her.

She opened her eyes marginally to see the muscles in his arms flexing as he held on to her and his hard chest was grazing against her tender nipples. His big, thick cock was piercing every space inside her and his lips were placing warm, opened mouth kisses along her neck and chest. His body was pure sin. She would never get enough of him owning and controlling her. And on nights like tonight where she needed to forget it all it was a welcome distraction and a perfect vice to deal with the monsters she faced. The images and feelings were all too much and she began to come hard around him. Her body exploded in orgasm and she bit his shoulder in an effort to contain her cries.

Elliot continued to hold her as her body shuddered and he was close to release.

"Look at me," he managed to choke out.

She pulled herself back from his shoulder and with hooded eyes met his gaze. The second their eyes met he poured himself into her, holding on to her for dear life while her muscles were still contracting around him.

They continued to embrace long after their heart rates slowed down and their breathing returned to normal. They held on silently thanking the other for giving exactly what they both craved and confirming a return to their new normal.

Benson and Stabler were left at the precinct.

They solved the crime and closed the case.

Temporary order was restored.

They had effortlessly slid back into the roles they cherished, husband and wife.

XXXX

P.S. Do you forgive me now?


	62. Miss Charlotte

Chapter 62: Miss Charlotte

The next few weeks were filled with prepping for the Harrington trial and visits to Maya in the hospital. She was kept for a while because she was malnourished and there were some concerns over the health of her child. They initially wanted to keep her until she gave birth to be cautious but she was adamant to go home with her aunt and spend some time away from everything. Barba was trying to postpone the trial until after she had the baby but it didn't look as if it would pan out that way.

Elliot and Olivia had a low key Thanksgiving together with the kids spending most of their time at Kathy's and then coming over to their house later that evening. Christmas was promised to be a much higher end affair. Kathy and her new beau were going to go out of town on Christmas Eve so they got to have Eli for Christmas day which made them both very happy.

Olivia woke up on a Friday morning in the arms of her husband with his arm draped protectively over her belly as always. Her mind drifted to their night before in the nursery with Noah trying to explain to him that he would have a new baby sister and that there was a baby in mommy's belly. The last few weeks had seen Olivia go from only being able to tell she's pregnant at certain angles to being able to notice from _every_ angle.

"Look Noah. Baby," Elliot said pointing to Olivia's bare belly. "Do you want to touch the belly?"

Noah got a little closer as if he was scared her big stomach was going to jump out and hurt him but finally pressed one finger to her bump and said "Baby" before pulling it back quickly.

Noah didn't seem to be fully comprehending what was going on but he was amused seeing his daddy talking and kissing Mommy's belly. Noah giggled and kissed her belly too and he and Elliot took turns. The memory spurns laughter in her and she decides to get up careful not to wake a sleeping Elliot.

It's just shortly after 6am and she decided to take a three day weekend so she could spend some quality time with her favorite boys. She tiptoed to check on Noah in the nursery and found him still peacefully asleep. In the quiet of the morning, she checks a few emails and decides to cook pancakes and bacon to surprise Elliot with a lazy breakfast in bed. He's been working non-stop lately on getting their new home renovated in time for them to move in and be settled before their daughter arrives.

Olivia was standing at the stove flipping the first pancake over when she felt his familiar hands snaked around her waist.

"Good Morning," he said nuzzling her neck and burying his face in her hair.

"Good Morning. What are you doing up? I was going to surprise you." She leaned into him and they swayed back and forth.

"You know I never stay sleep long when you are not in the bed. Come back and lay down with me before you have to go to work," he said nudging her from behind with his erection.

She snickered and placed the pancake on a nearby plate before pouring batter for another. "I'm sure you don't just want to lay down."

"I can't believe what you are insinuating," he said feigning ignorance.

"Oh I'm not insinuating anything. This," she said wiggling her ass against his erection, "is telling me everything I need to know."

"Then in that case," he said reaching over to turn off the stove burners, "let's just turn this off and he can finish telling you some more things." Olivia is uncontrollably giggling and swatted his hand back before putting the stove back on.

"Would you cut it out? I'm trying to finish these pancakes."

"And I'm just trying to finish," he countered kissing the spot on her neck that he knows drives her crazy.

"Mmm," she groans. "You know that's my spot."

"Yes I do," he said untying her robe. "We have to hurry before Noah wakes up."

She starts to give in after taking another pancake off the stove until she hears Noah whimpers.

Elliot groaned and buried his forehead in her shoulder. "Ill go get him."

"No it's ok," she said giving him a kiss. "Ill go get him. Can you take that bacon out for me?"

"I would've preferred to take some sausage out for you," he joked and looked down at his very visible erection through his pajama pants.

"You are utterly ridiculous," she said barely able to contain her laughter. "I'm going to get our child and you get that under control."

In the nursery she picked up Noah, soothed his cries by rocking him and changed his diaper. By the time she got back to the kitchen, Elliot is finishing up the last of the pancakes and the bacon is done.

"Daddy," Noah called out rubbing his sleepy eyes.

"Good morning little man."

He scoops Noah out of her arms and playfully slaps Olivia on the ass.

"Ow!" She rubbed her ass giving him a reprimanding look with humor in her eyes while she prepared the breakfast tray.

"Ok I'm almost done getting everything together. I was serious El. We are going to have breakfast in bed so you two go ahead and I should be back there shortly."

He gives her a concerned look before going back in the kitchen. "Liv why don't the two of you go lay down and get settled and I bring everything in there? You shouldn't be carrying all of that? Plus don't you have to get ready for work soon?" he asks rubbing her belly as if to remind her that she's in her third trimester of pregnancy.

"I can carry a tray. It's not that big of a deal, stop fussing over me," she admonishes him and wraps her hands around his neck. "Plus I want to do something special for you. And I have another surprise. I took the day off so we can have a nice, quiet three day weekend together."

He is completely in shock. "You did?"

"Well don't look so surprised Stabler." She gave him a kiss and whispered in his ear. "Now you two go to the back and when Noah takes his nap in a few hours he and I can finish our conversation from earlier," she said seductively and touching his erection.

In the blink of an eye, Elliot was moving out of the kitchen grabbing Noah and was on his way to the bedroom with Olivia laughing and shaking her head at him.

After they ate breakfast in bed together, they settled together in the bed with Noah in the middle watching television and making small talk about the house and work. The goal was to have the house done by mid January which would give them another month to get everything settled before the baby came.

"Is he getting sleepy?" Elliot asked hopeful.

Olivia chuckled softly and rolled her eyes. "He's only been up a few hours. It's barely 11am."

"I need to break out my fantastic storytelling skills on him. Always works," he bragged getting comfortable and pulling the blanket up over him.

She felt the baby kick and held her stomach.

"She at it again?"

"Yep. You know how she gets when you start all that talking," she teased.

"Alright let the master work his magic," he said sitting back up as if he was getting into position while Noah put his hand over Olivia's on her belly.

"Ba-by," the little boy said with his eyes heavy.

"That's right honey," she said kissing his head. "That's the baby."

"Do you think he's starting to get it?" she asked admiring her son who was getting comfortable on the pillow.

"Tough to tell, we just need to keep talking to him about it. I don't think it's really going to sink in until she gets here."

"Yeah," she said rubbing her hands in a circular motion on her stomach. "So what kind of story are you going to tell them this time?"

Elliot smiled mischievously and rubbed his hand across "Well this one is kind of an original that I wrote myself."

She just stared at him while he continued. "I call this one Beauty and the Detective."

She laughed and got settled in the bed to listen to whatever he came up with, "Yep, original indeed."

"So what is this story about?" she humored him.

"About a Princess whose name was Olivia. She was smart, fairly good looking I guess you could say but she was tough as nails. She even had a little bit of a mean streak."

"Umm hmm," she smiled urging him on.

"She was used to being by herself but then she realized she had to change because she met this devastatingly handsome debonair charming Detective named Elliot."

Olivia burst into laughter holding on to her stomach. "So you decided to go with a fairy tale then. Got it," she said.

"No this is based on a true story so a few very minor details may be have been changed to protect the privacy of the parties involved. Now can I not be so rudely interrupted?" he asked quirking an eyebrow at her.

"Minor details? Whatever you say Elliot. Please continue."

Noah nuzzled against her and his eyes began to close.

"So as I was saying. This man was handsome and the way the women would just falllll to his feet. Man. He almost needed a fly swatter to shoo them all away."

Olivia wanted to laugh but she was careful not to wake Noah. She loved to see Elliot like this. So funny and carefree. He loved his work but he was absolutely radiant when he was with her and the kids. His words he once said to her was ringing in her mind.

_Family is everything._

"So despite all the women throwing themselves at him he only had eyes for one woman…" he said seriously locking eyes with her. "Heidi Klum."

They both couldn't contain their amusement but thankfully Noah didn't wake up.

"You are such a dick," she said swatting at him.

"Speaking of that…so he's sleeping hunh?" he asked wagging his eyebrows.

"Yes he is so why don't you just call Heidi Klum or another blonde since that seems to be your preference." She got under the covers and acted as if she was upset but she really just enjoyed indulging her husband's playful side.

He pulled back the cover and kissed her cheek. "I'm just joking Liv. You know there's only you. There will only ever be you."

"Is that the end of this tall tale?"

"Yes it is."

"Good. Now kiss me," she demanded and pulled his lips on hers. The kiss was soft and gentle. Just what she wanted. She didn't want anything today to be frenzied or rushed. She wanted to take her time and spend the minutes and hours savoring the time with her husband and son. Rest of the world be damned.

Noah started to stir and they quickly pulled back from the kiss.

"Come on little guy let's get you in the bed."

He tried to pull Noah from Olivia's side but the little boy just leaned more into her and whined.

"Come on Noah," he tried again to no avail. Elliot looked defeated and she smiled at him knowing his sole purpose for getting Noah out of the bed.

"A little help here Liv?" he prodded her.

"Well maybe we could all take a nap together," she suggested and saw his face fall momentarily. He quickly recovered and got back into bed turning on his side cuddling up close to her and Noah.

"Sleep tight little man. You owe daddy one," he whispered and kissed him on the forehead. Within a few minutes the three of them were sleeping soundly.

An hour later, Olivia climbed back into bed after putting Noah in the nursery. She rubbed her hands up and down his arm and he stirred. She decided to be a bit more aggressive and kissed his neck and shoulder and he jolted awake.

"Hey how long was I asleep for?" he asked lifting his arm to give her access to lay on his chest.

"Just an hour. I put Noah in his bed," she said rubbing her hand across his chest. He turned over on his back and she pulled the blanket back to reveal her naked form.

She smiled at his sharp inhale of breath. He was looking at her like he'd never seen her before.

"Come here," she said pulling his arm.

"Just give me a minute," he said. He pulled down his pajama pants and never took his eyes off her. He pulled the blanket all the way off and hovered over her looking her over from head to toe. She was starting to feel a little self conscious about her size and put her hand on her belly.

"Don't," he stated. "You have never looked more beautiful than you do right now. Don't hide yourself from me."

It was amazing how he always had the ability to rid her of any insecurity. She grinned back at him and removed her hands and put them behind her head under the pillow fully exposing herself.

"We are going to have to start getting creative with positions now," she told him as he began to kiss her.

"Oh don't you worry about that little lady. Where there's a will there's a way." He cupped her breasts and she began to moan softly feeling his erection against her. "And I definitely have the will."

XXXXX

After they made love, they laid in blissful silence for some time with Olivia laying on Elliot's chest. Her mind began to wander and he could feel that there was something on her mind.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked stroking her naked back gently.

"I was just thinking about something that Sydney said and…" Elliot looked down at her to make sure she was ok and this wasn't something that was bothering her in an adverse way.

"You said she's doing ok right?"

"Oh yeah she is."

She was quiet for a few minutes before she began talking again.

"Did I ever tell you about my next door neighbor when I was younger?"

"No you didn't."

She pulled back from him and laid on her back to get a little more comfortable. Elliot turned over and rested his head in her side.

"Her name was Miss Charlotte. She was this older lady, she had a few cats, no kids she was all alone but she was always so content. When my mom would go into one of her episodes I would go sit on my front steps. I just couldn't stand to be in that house and be in the same space as her after we would have one of our fights. So Miss Charlotte would see me outside and always invite me over," she smiled at the memory. "I should've been weary because of the whole don't talk to strangers thing and I was only ten but there was something about her I instantly trusted. She had this old antique dollhouse and said she needed me to help her restore it so I did. I think that was her way of having a reason to have me over instead of just coming out and saying she felt sorry for me because my mom was a sloppy drunk. I spent a lot of time over there. Pretty soon I started just going over there on my own instead of waiting for when my mom and I would get into an argument. I know she knew my mom was an alcoholic and that I was suffering but she never mentioned it to me. I appreciated that so much because I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want anyone to pity me, I just wanted to feel like a normal kid and do normal kid things like play with dollhouses and watch cartoons."

Elliot looked up at her and noticed how her face lit up talking about the woman.

"You playing with a dollhouse? I can't believe it. Doesn't seem like your style," he teased playing with her fingers while she continued her story.

"Yep I played with that dollhouse all the time. Then she brought me some dolls and I would rock them and dress them and comb their hair.."

"Now that I could see. Always the mother, even back then," he added and began to rub her belly.

"Yeah. There weren't many things I looked forward to back then but I would go home and hurry and do my homework so I could go over to her house. I didn't always play with the dolls or the dollhouse, sometimes her and I would just sit on the back porch, drink lemonade and look out at the world. It was so peaceful. It was the best year of my life spending time with her."

"Sounds like a nice lady. I can't believe you never mentioned her before. What happened to her?" he asked.

Olivia took a deep breath and continued. "I went away for a week to some stupid summer camp my mom made me go to and when I got back I couldn't wait to go over to her house and see her. I knocked on the door and this other woman answered the door. Turns out it was Miss Charlotte's sister. She had a heart attack a few days after I left and…she was gone," she swallowed the words a little shocked that it still evoked emotion from her after all this time.

"I'm sorry Liv."

"Yeah. She was the first person I met that really showed me there are some genuinely good people in this world. No bullshit, no ulterior motives, just good people." She leaned down and gave him another kiss on the lips.

"Thank you for sharing that story with me. I know it's not easy to talk about your childhood. What made you think about it?"

She thought for a minute, feeling her daughter begin to move around again inside her. "It was a conversation that I had with Sydney in the hospital a month or so ago. She said I should name the baby after someone or something that was a positive memory for me or something I view as happy," she explained as realization dawned on him.

"El, I want to name her Charlotte," she said smiling down at him. "If that's ok with you. I know we haven't really talked about it and it should be a joint decision and—"

He put his finger on her mouth to stop her. "I think it's a beautiful name. I like it."

"You do?" She was a little astonished that he agreed so quickly.

"Absolutely." He moved closer to her belly and began to talk to the baby.

"Ok little girl. How do you feel about the name Charlotte?" he asked earning a chuckle from Olivia.

"If she answers you, I will be a little worried."

"We will improvise. One kick for yes and two kicks for no," he joked and she continued to laugh gliding her hands against his short hair.

A few moments later, they felt the baby kick…once.

"And there it is. She agrees," Elliot announced.

"We can't wait to meet you Charlotte."

XXXXX

A/N: Alright there you go. Baby girl has a name..now if she would just get here already.


	63. Holiday Birthday Baby Shower

Chapter 63: Holiday Birthday Baby Shower

A/N: Thank you guys for being so patient. Sorry It's taking me longer to update these days but I can't stop myself from writing one-shots when I catch reruns of episodes. This time the episode "Branded" got me and I wrote a one shot called "Candid Branded Confessions." Check it out when you get a chance. Enough of the shameless plugs and excuses..let's get back to the story shall we?

XXXXX

By Sunday afternoon, Olivia was getting a little sad thinking about her long weekend with her boys coming to an end. Elliot had called Kathy Saturday morning to see if Eli could spend the weekend even though it wasn't scheduled and she agreed. They walked to the park, ordered pizza, watched movies and went to the new house so Elliot could show them the progress.

At random times Olivia found herself staring at Elliot and the boys. She sighed and couldn't believe how happy and carefree she was. Her final test for the baby had come back Saturday morning and everything had come back normal. Even though it was a weekend, Dr. Thompson knew how important it was for them to know everything as soon as possible. She couldn't shake the feeling that something would go wrong. She never viewed herself as a pessimist but she walked around feeling like at any given moment the rug would be pulled out from under her.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Elliot looked at her with his brow furrowed examining her to see if something was wrong. "Everything ok?"

She put her hand on his to reassure him. "Everything's fine. I was just…thinking."

She got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen. "Who wants more pizza?"

"I do I do," Eli yelled raising his hands. Noah mocked him putting his hands up in the air too.

She put some pizza on a plate for them and put it in the microwave. Elliot joined her in the kitchen soon after.

"What's wrong Liv? Please don't tell me it's nothing. I know you." He was truly concerned and she hated to make him worry.

She scoffed and turned to him with her arms folded. "It's nothing. It's silly really."

He stood waiting patiently for her to finish.

"Everything is just so..perfect. I just keep waiting for everything to blow up in our face. I know, I know it's stupid," she said looking down and suddenly recognizing that her belly was blocking her from being able to see her feet, "I'm just so used to—"

He smirked and kissed her on the forehead. "I get it. I really do. If it makes you feel better I'm the same way."

"Really?" she asked not completely believing that he was being truthful. "How so?"

"Well you and I have seen a lot of shit over the years. It's hard to believe it can be this good but it can be. It will be."

He kissed the tip of her nose and stayed close to her just breathing her in. Sometimes they both just needed to be reassured that the other was really there and their life together was this real.

Their moment was interrupted by a knock on the door and Olivia stood back looking confused. "Are you expecting anyone?"

"Nope. I'll get it." He walked to the door and opened it to see his daughter on the other end.

"Lizzie!" Eli shrieked and ran over to hug her leg.

"Hey there. Well if it isn't the only two brothers of mine that I actually like," she joked making her way into the living room like she was on a mission. "Hey Liv!"

She was perky, almost too perky and Elliot and Olivia were a little uneasy.

"What brings you by?" Elliot asked.

"Do I need a reason to come by and see my family?" she asked acting like her feelings were hurt. Elliot gave her his patented glare and she fessed up. "Ok ok. So I was thinking.."

He wiped his hand down his face and sat at the dining room table. "Oh no."

"Dad! I'm serious."

"I know and that's why I'm rubbing my temples trying to fend off this migraine that I'm sure is coming."

The pizza had finished warming up and Olivia gathered the plates and two juice boxes and brought it over to the living room in front of the boys.

Lizzie watched Olivia as she walked and her eyes poked out seeing how big she had gotten since she had seen her just a couple of weeks ago. Elliot noticed her looking and slapped her on the arm to break her out of it and secretly warning her not to make a dumb comment about her size.

"Well don't get a headache dad this is actually more for Olivia than it is for you."

Olivia's head turned at the mention of her name and she paused from helping Noah with his pizza while she listened.

"Ok, so what's up?" she asked and Lizzie took a deep breath before continuing.

"Just keep an open mind."

Olivia and Elliot both rolled their eyes simultaneously while Lizzie pulled out her iPad. Her eyes settled on the iPad and she knew what was coming. The last time she saw it out all the time was when Lizzie was planning the wedding and about to drive her damn near insane.

"Mind open. What's up?"

"So I was thinking. You didn't seem too thrilled when I mentioned a baby shower before so I was thinking of a little compromise," she explained.

"Go on," Elliot pushed her.

"Ok so your birthday is in a few days, it's almost Christmas too so I'm thinking we roll them all in to one. Just get everybody together since we are celebrating a lot of things at once. It won't be your typical baby shower, just all your friends together, dinner, gifts, we'll have a nice big tree you know..just everyone together. Kind of like Noah's adoption party. That was fun right?"

"It sure was," Elliot teased looking at Olivia's pregnant belly and thinking of the night the baby was conceived after the festivities.

Lizzie had a disgusted look on her face obviously picking up on his less than subtle insinuation. "Dad. Gross."

Olivia cleared her throat. "Anyway, so you mean like some sort of holiday birthday baby shower?" She was still trying to piece it all together.

"Exactly. I know it sounds strange but it would be an excuse for everyone to get together and celebrate the little one."

"Charlotte," Elliot corrected her.

"What?"

"Her name is going to be Charlotte," Olivia added.

Lizzie looked shocked for a brief moment and then starting to smile. "Charlotte," she repeated like she was trying to test how the name sounded. "I like it."

"Well we are glad you approve," Elliot teased.

"And she's ok? I mean you've been feeling ok?" she asked slipping right back into worried daughter and sister mode.

"She's just fine," Olivia assured her. "We forgot to call you yesterday but we got the results from the final test yesterday and everything came back fine. Now we just wait these last couple of months. She will be here before you know it."

Lizzie nodded her head and started typing into her iPad. She was trying to not get emotional and Olivia smiled at the similarity between her and her father. Elliot would do the same when they were partners when he felt too much, he would just distract himself. She always saw through it but she would never push him if he wasn't ready to talk about it. She handled Lizzie the same way.

"This is good that you all have a name picked out. It will make the party planning a lot easier," she said opening the notepad app on the tablet.

"Oh no. Here's the deal," Olivia said standing up. "I agree to the holiday birthday baby shower thing on the condition that there aren't any silly games, no smelling fake poop candy bars in diapers, or toilet paper around the belly or anything like that. That's just never been my thing."

"Got it Liv. Of course it won't be anything like that," she acquiesced. "Like I said just dinner, gifts and friends. I do want to do some party favors and you having her name makes it easier because I wanted to put it on the cake that's all. Is that ok?"

Olivia felt a little embarrassed because it's actually a sweet gesture and she's worried that maybe she was being a little harsh. "Of course honey that's fine."

Lizzie's face softened. "You wouldn't happen to know the middle name would you?" she asked bouncing back as only she can. "I saw this idea on Pinterest on something I can do with the initials for party favors."

Olivia decided to ask later what a Pinterest was but regarded Elliot for a few instants before she answered. "CKS. Her initials will be CKS."

Lizzie and Elliot look at each other when Olivia announced what they were guessing. "I was thinking her middle name should be Kathleen."

They were both quiet and she started to get a little self conscious. "I hope that's ok."

Elliot swallowed hard before he answered. "It's more than ok."

Lizzie took a little longer to pull herself together and the silence is deafening. For all her teasing and false bravado she was still a young woman who had lost her older sister.

"Thank you for doing that," she finally said. "It's truly remarkable." She waited a beat and then got up to leave. "Ok I should get going, I have a lot to do in a short amount of time."

After kissing them both goodbye and hugging Noah and Eli, Lizzie is out of the door as quick as she came in.

Later after the kids are sleeping Olivia is trying to read Olivia's mood. He seemed distant and withdrawn but not in a negative way. It seemed like he was just brooding. She knew it had something to do with the baby name but didn't want to upset him.

"I was just thinking," he said as if he was reading her mind. He turned towards her on the couch and ran his hands through her hair. "What we were talking about earlier in the kitchen with not believing everything is going so perfectly and just waiting for everything to explode."

She leaned into his touch giving him better access to her longer hair. "Yeah?"

"I think we've been through so much shit, both of us apart and together that maybe this is just the universe's way of saying we deserve a little happiness." He placed a kiss on her cheek and rubbed her hands.

She smiled at him and he returned her look of contentment. "Don't think it's all going to blow up in our faces Liv. Everything's going to be just fine. Just fine. Ok?"

People had been telling Olivia everything would be ok and she would be fine for years. She even told others that about herself all the time. Tonight was the first time in a long time that she actually believed it.

XXXXX

How Lizzie managed to get everyone to agree to get together on such short notice only a few days before Christmas Olivia would never know but she couldn't be more grateful. Alex volunteered her Brownstone just outside of Queens for the party because it had a lot more space and it was decorated beautifully. There was a huge Christmas tree in the foyer and lights throughout the foyer, living room and dining room. There were Christmas carols playing in the background and the living room had just a hint of baby themed decorations that hinted at a baby shower.

As she promised, Lizzie incorporated the baby's initials in the cutest way. There was a bowl of Christmas cookies in the shape of the letters C, K and S in holiday themed boxes with a note attached that said "Thanks for helping us welcome our sweet baby into this world." Olivia marveled over the boxes with a slight grin wondering who in the world would not only come up with this idea but would have the time to be so meticulous to carry it out. After passing the favor table she moved over to the table where some gifts were and there was a cake in the middle that said "Welcome baby Charlotte."

"Hey, do you like it?" Lizzie asked nervously swaying from side to side. "I know this isn't your thing so I really tried to keep it low key but creative."

"It's definitely both of those. I love it Lizzie I really do. Did these ideas come from the Pin whatever?" she asked hugging her.

Lizzie chuckled and hugged her back. "It's called Pinterest. I'll introduce you to it sometime."

"I look forward to it. I'm sorry if I came off ungrateful or difficult about it. I wasn't trying to be," Olivia explained.

She shrugged her off and looked genuinely unphased. "No worries Liv. I knew I was fighting an uphill battle when I suggested it. Just like dad with the wedding at Grandma's beach house. But as you can see I always get my way." She popped a cookie in the shape of "S" into her mouth and waltzes off flashing her a wink.

"Do I even want to know what that was about?" Elliot asks walking up behind her and placing his hands on her belly.

"No you don't." She laughed and nuzzled into him while he rested his chin on her shoulder. From across the room Casey snapped a picture of them on her phone before walking up. "Hey guys did you forget you should be entertaining your guests?" she joked.

"Hey when did you get here?" Olivia asked temporarily removing herself from Elliot's hold to give her a hug.

"Just a minute ago but you seemed to be pretty occupied so I guess you didn't notice," she said winking at Elliot who gave her a hug as well. "Wow you are really umm…you look great."

"I know I know, I'm huge," she said rolling her eyes.

Casey tried to clean it up but couldn't wipe the astonishment off her face. "No no it's just that. Man I just saw you like a month ago and you…were…much smaller."

"Yeah Dr. Wilder said I just popped as they call it. She said it's normal."

Melinda walked up at the tail end of her explanation.

"Hey Li-," she stopped and looked at her from head to toe. "Heyyy Liv. It's nice to see you. ALL of you," she laughed.

"Haha." The two women embrace as Alex joined them with champagne glasses.

Elliot immediately started fidgeting feeling completely outnumbered by all the estrogen surrounding him. "Why don't I go see if anyone needs anything?"

"Bye Elliot," Alex asserted and nodded towards the opposite direction. He gave Olivia a quick kiss on the lips and retreated to talk to Don and Fin who were near the fireplace.

The women chatted among each other a few minutes and everyone greeted Olivia as they came in. Nick and Amanda showed up together but tried to act as if they arrived separately. Elliot and Olivia shot each other a knowing glance at the attempt, she shook her head grinning and continued to snack on appetizers.

"The name is absolutely beautiful Liv. How did Elliot react when you told him the middle name would be Kathleen?" Alex asked.

Olivia glimpsed at him briefly talking with Nick before turning her attention back to the group of ladies. "He was taken aback for a minute but he's really happy about it. All of the kids are. They were excited when we told them her name."

"Speaking of.." Casey began diverting her attention to the door to see Dickie, Lucy and Maureen walk in together.

"It's about time what took you guys so long?" Elliot asked. He walked up to greet them and took Maureen's hand to guide her over to the couch. She was a few weeks behind Olivia in pregnancy but because she was carrying twins she was a little bigger.

"Dad stop fussing I can still walk," she complained slapping away his hand playfully. "Honestly Liv I don't see how you handle him."

"Oh I handle him just fine," she retorted winking at Elliot.

Dickie rolled his eyes. "Oh geez. You two I just can't deal."

Alex, Melinda, Casey and Amanda laughed at the exchange while Dickie went to get something to eat.

Everyone mingled for another half hour and Olivia opened baby gifts including a much too expensive stroller, a car seat, clothes, pampers and a lot more items that she didn't even realize they needed. Her friends really went all out and she was finding it hard to not cry. She succeeded until the kids presented her with a picture frame that had all of the kids baby pictures in it including Noah's and a blank one for Charlotte's picture to go in when she was born. At the bottom of the frame was the inscription "Stabler Soccer Team" and everyone started laughing. Olivia loved the present and the idea of having all the kids' pictures together. She couldn't wait to hang it above the baby's crib.

"Just so you know this was not my idea," Dickie offered up trying to remove himself from such a sentimental present. "Because if it was, my picture would've been solo and not with Lizard," he complained.

"Deal with it Dickhead up until we were in middle school all of our pictures were together. You have mom and dad to thank for that," Lizzie countered.

Noah giggled and clapped his hand. "Di-heh," he mumbled trying to say Dickhead to everyone's amusement except his parents.

"Oh that's just great. Would you two knock it off and watch your language? Your brothers don't need to be repeating the things you two say," Elliot scolded them.

"Dad what's bad about a dickhead?" Eli asked innocently.

"Ok everybody let's get these gifts out of the way and get ready for dinner," Casey announced trying to prevent Elliot from having a headache.

Lizzie and Casey headed for the kitchen to prepare while Alex put the finishing touches on the table.

"Those are some pretty good gifts you got there. I'm sure you two are pretty much all set," Don said patting Elliot on the back. Nick and Fin also approached them.

"Yeah we really cleaned up. Now I realize why people have these things but I'm getting tired just thinking about how we have to do it all again in a month for Maureen," Elliot said.

"Can you believe we are going to have three more little ones running around here next Christmas?" Olivia asked.

"Just the first of many," Fin commented but corrected it when he saw the horror on Olivia's face. "I mean with grandchildren Liv not you. Looks like Dickie and Lucy are getting pretty serious and Lizzie may even have some in a few years."

"Oh God I need a drink," Elliot said rubbing his temples and walking off to everyone's enjoyment.

"How's he doing?" Fin asked her seriously.

"He's doing fine. Why is something wrong?"

"No, it's just after what happened when we arrested Harrington I thought maybe he would've been-"

Olivia looked confused and stopped him. "What do you mean? What happened when you arrested Harrington?"

Nick glared at Fin nervous about revealing Elliot's outburst with their suspect.

"What happened?" she asked again looking at Nick.

"Look it's no big deal," Nick tried to explain holding his hands up in defense. "He just got real upset and we thought he was going to….Look it's understandable considering everything that happened and he has daughters of his own."

"And because of what happened to you," Don added confronting the pink elephant in the room. "I'm thinking that if he had an almost violent reaction to Harrington that probably had more to do with what happened with you and Lewis than it did anything else."

Nick and Fin looked to each other and quietly walked away removing themselves from the conversation.

Olivia motioned Don a little further away from the group and they talked in lower voices.

"Have you talked to him about Lewis?"

Her guilty look gave him the answer.

He sighed briefly and put his hand on his shoulder. "The day before you and Elliot got married I went to your house and talked to him. Did he tell you that?"

She shook her head no.

"I told him that you both had gone through a lot and whenever those demons from your past threatened to re-enter your lives you have to deal with them together. I know you had a therapist Olivia and you talked about a lot of things and I'm proud of you for that. I also know you well enough to know there are some things you didn't tell me about what happened when you were with Lewis," he said and her small gasp in response confirmed it. "And that's fine. I know why you didn't tell but you have a husband now. I know it's hard but you have to lay these demons to rest between the two of you."

"Don I-" she got ready to object but he held up his hand to cut her off.

"Elliot is better in a lot of ways and I know that you know that. There's a lot of healing that's happened and he's happy but what happened to you will forever haunt him. I think you know what I mean."

"Alright guys, dinner's about to be served. Come on Don and Liv," Lizzie said motioning towards the table.

He gave her a tight smile and squeezed her elbow before joining the rest of the group. Olivia watched Elliot from across the room and saw the joy in his eyes and how he gleefully played with Noah before setting him in a high chair between where the two of them would sit. They were content, they were settled..but she knew what she had to do. It was time to put the ghost of William Lewis to bed once and for all. It was time for her to tell her husband exactly what happened.


	64. Let me tell you a story

Chapter 64: Let me tell you a story

**Warning: There are details in this chapter that may be disturbing for some. If you are a little sensitive, please don't read this chapter.**

The remainder the baby shower went on without a hitch and everyone stayed late into the night laughing, talking and even belted out a few Christmas carols thanks to Carisi who no one realized could play the piano.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were even better. All of the kids came over to Elliot's apartment, which was a little bigger than Olivia's so had room for everyone to stay Christmas Eve night. They had to set up some blow up mattresses and use the pull out bed on the sofa which made everyone feel like they were camping out but it was fun. Everyone met Lizzie's new boyfriend Dean for the first time, the young man who was the lead singer in the band that played at Elliot and Olivia's wedding.

Elliot tried to give him a hard time but he held his own amazingly well and with some coaxing from Olivia and stern glares from Maureen and Lizzie, he eventually backed off. Lucy came along with Dickie but when it was time for everyone to sleepover for the night both she and Dean left. The Stabler family tradition was for everyone to open one present Christmas Eve night and the rest in the morning. Noah and Olivia had only spent one Christmas together and hadn't developed any traditions of their own so she was more than excited about being a part of his long-standing family traditions.

Elliot and Olivia retreated to the bedroom while everyone settled in the front.

"Are you sure this is ok?" he asked her. "I don't want to intrude if you want to do things a different way."

She smiled and kissed his forehead, grateful that he was being so thoughtful yet again. "It's fine El. We are one family now. I look forward to Stabler family holidays and traditions."

He grinned and kissed her softly while caressing her stomach. "Let's see if you still feel that way tomorrow."

She snickered as his kisses began to trail from her mouth down to her neck and across her collarbone. "Mmm, El the kids are right outside," she whispered through her moan. Her body was beginning to react to him and she had to stop this before she was at the point of no return.

"Baby, in case you haven't noticed we will always have kids right outside of our room," he whispered into her neck and started to kiss her again. "We just have to be quiet."

His hands slipped under her nightgown, rubbed her covered mound slowly and she moaned again into his cheek. She stroked his erection through his boxers and tugged at his waistband. He sucked on her neck in response and growled, the vibrations of his chest causing desire to coarse through her veins. His fingers eased into her panties and she gasped loudly. "Feels so good," she whispered.

He sat up and gently rolled her on her back when they were startled by a loud knock on the bedroom door.

"What is it?" he asked frustrated while Olivia froze.

"Dad it's me," Maureen answered.

He quickly hopped up off the bed worried that something could be wrong. "You ok?"

She was rubbing her belly with one hand and holding the small of her back with the other. "That mattress in the boys room is crap. I hate to ask but can I-?"

"Of course you can sweetheart, come on," Olivia called out motioning her over to the bed.

Elliot threw a shirt on and tried to cover up any evidence of what was happening before they were interrupted.

"You two sleep in here, I'll go sleep in the boys room," he offered. Olivia gave him a flirtatious smile.

_Next time,_ she mouthed and he beamed back at her. He gave them both a kiss goodnight and closed the door behind him.

"Sorry about that Liv. Kids never stop killing your sex life," Maureen smiled.

"Oh no its—"

"Don't even try to deny it. You are both flushed. Looks like I knocked just in the nick of time," she joked and winked at her.

She laughed and couldn't deny she was busted.

"Good night Liv," she said rolling over to sleep on her side.

"Good night."

Olivia turned off the bedroom lamp and tried to get comfortable. Her thoughts quickly turned to Elliot in the other room and the promise of finishing what they started.

"Liv?" Maureen whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know we haven't all gotten together like this for Christmas in a long time. Thank you."

She didn't have to ask what she was thanking her for. She knew. It was another example of the family finding their way back to each other in the midst of all the turmoil that happened over the years.

"You're welcome."

The next morning was chaotic and there was not one portion of the floor that wasn't covered in wrapping paper or some toy or gadget. Elliot kept looking over at Olivia to check on her and make sure she was ok. She had never spent Christmas with a big family and it was everything she thought it would be. Noah was having a blast, his incessant giggles filled the room and his big accomplishment of the day was that he successfully pronounced "Dickhead" to the dismay of his parents but to the delight of his siblings.

They had breakfast together and then spent the afternoon playing with all of the kids toys and presents. Olivia saw Maureen and Elliot talking and it looked like a pretty serious conversation for such a lighthearted day. Maureen looked tired and her feet were starting to swell so she spent a lot of time with her feet up watching the festivities from the sofa.

Later in the evening everyone Elliot and Olivia sat in his living room surveying the damage.

Elliot sighed in defeat. "Just looking at this mess makes me more tired than I already am."

She rubbed the back of his neck and he leaned into her touch. "Let's clean up now and get it over with."

"No way," he responded laying his head on her shoulder. "Dick will be by in the morning and he can help me clean it up. You are going to sit back and relax. You and Maureen need to slow it down a little bit."

She figured this was her opening to ask about earlier. "Everything ok with her? You two seemed to be talking about something pretty hot and heavy earlier."

He watched her for a minute before he responded. "She's just stressed. She's not feeling well, the twins are really taking it out of her so she's probably going to have to stop working soon. She's always tired, you know just the usual."

Olivia understood that all too well. She was exhausted carrying one baby, she could only imagine carrying two. The house was quiet and the kids were asleep. She thought this was the perfect time for her to have the conversation with him that she had been putting off. He had been all over the place in the few days since the party that she hadn't gotten an opportunity to talk to him. She also didn't want to put a damper on the Christmas festivities.

She was about to speak when he began to rub her thigh and kiss her neck. "How about we pick up where we left off last night?" She could feel him smirking in her neck.

"Out here in the living room?" she asked kissing him back.

"Yep. Noah and Eli are sleeping. They're worn out. They won't wake up."

She got ready to protest and tell him they needed to talk.

"Liv, this Christmas has been perfect." He got on his knees in front of the sofa and was eye level with her. "I can't wait until next year when Charlotte is here," he added rubbing her belly and kissed her shoulder and neck. "And then Mo's babies. It's going to be even better. I love you so much." He sat back watching her and she stared in his blue eyes beaming sincerity. She didn't want to taint such a beautiful moment so once again she waited.

"You ok?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yeah," she answered her voice thick with emotion. "It was a perfect day. Thank you for giving me and Noah our best Christmas ever."

She could tell he wasn't completely convinced that everything was alright so she silenced him with a kiss and pulled her shirt over her head. When she crashed her lips against his again all was forgotten…for now.

**XXXXX**

"He's down for the count," Elliot announced stretching and sitting next to Olivia on the sofa. They had relocated back to her apartment the day after Christmas since he had to be out of his by tomorrow, New Year's Day. The last few days had been hectic for her at work and for him packing up his place and putting everything in storage.

"I'm exhausted but I'm glad we got everything done with the apartment. In just a few weeks we will be moving into our place. You excited yet?" he asked her with hopeful eyes.

"Of course. I can't wait for us to move there. In our own place, with more space," she said while gesturing for him to lay his head in her lap. "And then right after the New Year, it's like a fresh start. Leaving everything behind and starting our lives together."

He watched her and noticed a change in her demeanor. "You ok?"

"Yeah," she said softly rubbing his hair while he glanced up at her. She shifted back on the couch getting more comfortable and giving him more room on her lap.

"Do you need me to get up?"

She put her hand over his arm to still him. "No. I need you stay right here."

They sat in silence for a few minutes with her continuing to rub his hair and his arm tracing his tattoo. He stayed quiet waiting for her to speak sensing she was fraught with something.

"So Stabler since you are always the big storyteller around here I figured we would switch it up tonight," she said turning the TV volume down. "Let me tell _you_ a story."

"Ok," he answered amused. "Is this going to be a response to my fairy tale?" he asked lightheartedly.

"No. Not a fairy tale. More like an autobiography," she answered seriously. She stared at him a little longer and could see him start to realize where she was going with it.

"I told you that I would talk to you about everything one day. I'm ready now," she said and he nodded.

"Sealview," She prefaced giving him a chance to prepare himself. "When Harris took me down to the basement and I realized what his intentions were I just…my heart was beating out of my chest. I didn't know where Fin was. I knew you weren't there..I didn't know who would come save me." Her voice got lower and he clinched her arm hard. She looked straight ahead at the TV willing herself to continue. If she made eye contact with him and saw any flicker of anger, hurt or sadness she would get caught up and wouldn't be able to go on.

"I fought like hell but he kissed me to muffle my screams. He threw me on the mattress and then up against the wall when I didn't cooperate. His hands were everywhere," she started to cry. "On my breasts, my butt and he rubbed me in between my legs. I felt him hard against my back and I freaked out. He uncuffed me and I hit him and ran to hide. I knew he would find me but I was just hoping someone would come down there first. I was buying time." She stopped to regain her composure.

Elliot put his hand on his forehead trying to massage away the tension. He was so focused on her words that the break gave him a chance to try and calm himself.

He was furious.

He wanted to choke the life out of Lowell Harris.

"He told me that when he found me that I was dead and I believed him. When he found me I hit him again and ran to one of the doors but it was locked. Before I could switch directions and go for the other door he was behind me."

She swallowed hard and stroked his arm to ease his tension and hers. His breathing had quickened and she wanted to soothe him the only way she knew how without looking at him.

"He hit me and I fell to the floor. He cuffed my right hand to one of the bars on the door and…and he….unzipped his pants."

She looked down at Elliot and his eyes were wide with anguish and fear.

"He told me that if I bit him I was dead which it didn't really matter because I was dead either way. He had his penis out in front of me and he put his hands on both sides of head to pull me closer to it. That's wh-when I saw the mole that I had Ashley identify later. He got pretty close but he didn't…"she stopped and he visibly exhaled in relief. "His penis touched the side of my face briefly but he didn't force it into my mouth. That's when Fin came in and stopped everything. He told him….. I was a cop and moved him away from me," she finished.

Elliot's heart was racing and he was trying to regulate his breathing. He jumped up off her lap, swiping his hands down his face in frustration. She trusted him enough to finally open up and he didn't want do anything that would stop her from talking but he was so goddamn mad that his vision was blurry.

"I saw a therapist for a little while after. It affected me more than I realized and I was making mistakes on the job like with the Jessie Cruz case. It helped and I eventually got my feet back on solid ground," she continued observing him closely hoping this piece of information would help calm him down.

He didn't trust his voice but he had to say something. He fell on his knees in front of her, holding both of her hands in his. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that I didn't help you through that. I should've—"

She cut him off. "El, like I told you. You had enough going on. I just-I just needed to handle it myself." He didn't agree but he didn't want to argue either. She sniffled and wiped away a stray tear. She knew what happened with Harris was nothing compared to what she had to tell him about Lewis so she braced herself to continue. She wanted to get everything out at once and start the New Year on a clean slate but she worried if he could handle it.

"Are you ready for me to go on to talk about Lewis?" she asked in a small voice fidgeting with her hands. She was obviously stressed and he felt guilty not wanting to cause stress to her or the baby.

He exhaled. "Yeah. Are you ok?" he asked laying back on the sofa.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Liv, we don't ha-."

"Shhh, this is my bedtime story remember?" she countered forcing a tight smile.

He closed his eyes and prepared himself for the rest.

"When we had our initial conversation about everything I told you some of the things about Lewis. How he kept me for four days on booze and pills. How he burned me. I know you've seen the marks but we never really talked about them," she said glancing down at him and his eyes were screwed shut.

"I didn't want to…" he cleared his throat and tried again. "I didn't want to bring it all up for you."

Olivia pressed her lips together. "I know."

She laid back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling looking for a focal point to help her forge ahead.

"We struggled when he first had me in the apartment. I tried to get the gun away from him and I-." She blew out a deep breath. "I fell over the coffee table and he over powered me. He pinned me down to the floor and punched me-hard. I was..I was kind of out of it. He…tied me to a chair with my hands behind my back. I don't know how long I was unconscious but the next thing I remember was…feeling the burning against my skin. He-he-had taken my key and warmed it up on the stove."

The tears trickled down her face and she could hear Elliot's tense breathing beneath her. He held her arm tight struggling with his own reaction to what she was saying but couldn't help the angry blistering tears that flowed.

"He put the hot key on my breasts and told me there was more where that came from. That's when I saw him reach in his pocket… and pull out the- cigarettes. He taunted me. He wanted me to be afraid but I just..wouldn't. I was being defiant," she huffed out a bitter laugh. "Surprising hunh? The more I resisted and wouldn't beg," she sniffled. "….he put the cigarettes out in me. After awhile I guess…I passed out again from the pain. When I woke up I was in the trunk of a car he had stolen."

Elliot didn't think he could take anymore. His mind was racing and his heart was pounding. His muscles were tense, exerting themselves to keep him from punching something.

Olivia battled to keep her emotions in check. It was harder to relive everything in detail than she thought it would be. She felt the tension radiating from him and squeezed his arm again. She skimmed over the details of witnessing Mrs. Mayer's rape and the deputy being shot that she discussed with him previously.

She brought the hand up that wasn't resting on him and rubbed her belly back and forth. Charlotte was starting to move and the reminder of her baby girl, the life growing inside of her gave her the small nudge she needed to keep going…to the events at the lake house.

Elliot jerked form her hold when he saw her touch her stomach thinking that something was wrong.

"Everything alright? Is this too stressful with the pregnancy? Jesus Liv I don't want you to over exert yourself," he panicked. "Are you sure you are ok?"

"I'm fine. I promise. She's just moving that's all," she assured taking a deep breath to continue. "Elliot just so you know this is the part of the story that I didn't tell anyone so it's a little—"

"I know," he said tilting up to kiss her and steadying himself. "We can stop whenever you want."

"No. Just-just bare with me ok?"

He agreed.

She swallowed hard as he laid back down in her lap. "You know he took me to an abandoned lake house and when we got there he threw me on the bed." Elliot closed his eyes again. "I-I….. he had given me so much liquor and I had to go to the bathroom….I should've just held it," she sobbed. With his eyes still shut he grabbed her hand and stroked inside her palm. "He-he helped me to the bathroom because my hands were still cuffed. I couldn't unbuckle my pants myself," she continued to cry. "I begged him to just unlock the cuffs and let me go to the bathroom and he could cuff me again….b-but he wouldn't. He insisted on doing it himself. So I told him I changed my mind and that I didn't need to go anymore. B-but he wouldn't let me. I was so humiliated," she cried furiously wiping at her tears.

Elliot was trembling with fury.

"I tried t-to bend myself back so he couldn't see anything when I sat down and I went really fast," she said quickly. "I tried to bend again when I stood up but he told me to stand up straight. I-I knew what was coming next."

He sat up suddenly and sat next to her with his head buried in his hands..waiting.

"He told me to spread my legs b-but it was hard for me to do because my pants were restricting me. He pulled them all the way down to my ankles and told me to try again….I begged. I begged him to just leave me alone. He said if I didn't do it then h-he would and he wouldn't be gentle…so I spread them," she whispered, "he stuck a finger inside me and told me to keep being a good girl."

Elliot finally exhaled letting the tears roll down his face. There was so much anger running through him he couldn't sit still and his body rocked back and forth.

"El?" she asked in a small voice.

"It's ok. Keep going," he rasped.

"H-He stuck another finger inside of me and said that he was surprised that I was so tight and he was going to enjoy opening me up." Her tears were steadily flowing at this point and didn't go on until she was able to pull herself together. "He kept trying to make—to make me—finish," she choked out. "I fought against my body and wouldn't and it pissed him off so he slapped me…HARD…with his other hand and yelled at me to come. ..I just couldn't..and wouldn't," she whispered.

She was momentarily startled by Elliot's sudden movement. He was off the sofa in a flash pacing back and forth trying to maintain control.

"So he—he—pulled out his penis and I panicked. I didn't know what he was going to make me do."

He immediately stopped pacing to watch her.

"But he took himself in his hands and masturbated. He said if I didn't come then he would…and he jerked himself off while he-while he kept…." She couldn't finish the sentence but he slammed his eyes shut knowing what she meant. "When it was over and I still didn't come, he told me that he would make sure to make me when we had sex and he wouldn't stop fucking me until I screamed," she wept.

"Thankfully that never happened. That part is what I left out. I know I should've said something. I talk to victims all the time about telling the truth about their attack and I didn't," she said frantically. Elliot hurried to her side and put her head on his shoulder, snapping momentarily out of his shroud of anger.

She cried and he held her whispering into ear, "Liv, listen to me. You did what no one else was able to do. You testified and you put Lewis away. You and no one else. You are the reason that he is no longer alive to hurt anyone else. Regardless of how it happened, the goal was to get him off the streets. Don't ever feel guilty for that. Ok?"

She nodded into his shoulder still unable to speak. He held her for awhile allowing her to calm down while he continued to console her.

"Come on let's get you to bed," he said once he heard her stop crying.

"Wait a second. I know I told you about everything else with the beating and him almost raping me before the maid and her child showed up but I want to tell you something else." She pulled his face closer to her, her hands on both of his cheeks. "I know you think a lot about the fact that you weren't there but I want you to think about if you were. If you were there you would've killed him an-," she said.

"Yes I would've," he growled.

"And then what? Maybe you would've gotten off, maybe you wouldn't have. But I don't think we would be here. I don't think we would be married, having this baby or any of this. We would be living a different life and I don't want any scenario that ends up with us anywhere else other than where we are," she said kissing him on the lips. He buried his face in her neck, a few stray tears sliding down his cheek. "I'm so so sorry. I just can't stop wishing I would've been there for you."

"But you were," she whispered in his ear. Her voice low and like it always was when she would calm him down. "You are the only reason I got through it all. When he had me on that bed and he was threatening to burn my clothes off and taunting me and shoving his gun in my mouth making me beg for my life, the only thing that kept me going was that I had to see you again. I couldn't die and never talk to you, or hear you laugh or see your face again. So I held on to that and that's what got me through. So you were there El. In here," she said pointing to her heart.

They held each other for a few moments allowing the tears to dry, fury to fade and their heart rates to return to normal. Olivia began to feel the relief from telling her husband the truth…..the whole truth about what happened to her.

They walked hand in hand silently to the bedroom. They turned to one of the New Year's Eve specials on TV with it playing in the background while she talked about parts of the trial that he didn't know and filling in some blanks from when Lewis had kidnapped Amelia and attempted to rape her again.

When she was finally done she leaned into him, cradling her face in his chest.

"The End."

"Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn't easy," he said caressing strands of her hair.

"No it wasn't, but it was necessary. I don't ever want there to be any secrets or barriers between us."

"Me either."

As they watched the crowds of people cheering in Time Square on television Elliot and Olivia each had their own separate fleeting thoughts of her story as they drifted towards unconsciousness. Elliot absorbed the details of Olivia's ordeal and the fact that even though he couldn't be there to rescue her, he saved her the only way he was able to. By being such a strong part of her past that she wanted to make sure to see her future.

Lost in their reflections they vaguely overheard the countdown on the television.

_5-4-3-2-1 Happy New Year_

"Happy New Year Liv."

"Happy New Year."

**A/N**: Just so you know, this chapter kicked my ass. It was hard to relive the moments from "Undercover" and "Surrender Benson" as well as decide just how to far to take it with Lewis. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry if the details were disturbing for some. William Lewis is finally put to rest between. It's time to move on. What did you guys think? Don't hesitate to leave a review!


	65. The Father of my Children

Chapter 65: The Father of my Children

Elliot guided Olivia onto her left side while tracing kisses along her neck and cupping her full, tender breasts. She moaned and put her arm behind his head pulling him closer to her reveling in his soft scent of after-shave and soap. She could feel his erection against her lower back and he positioned his left leg in between both of hers opening her up to him. The sound of their moans and heavy breathing filled the room and her heart was racing bracing for the moment he would enter her.

He rolled and flicked the peaks of her nipple between his thumb and forefinger earning a louder moan from her and the sensation hit right to her core.

"Please," she whispered reaching behind her to cup his ass and close the last few millimeters between them. "Need you."

He groaned in response and slipped a finger in between her folds. He sucked in a breath of air marveling at how slick she was for him.

He lifted his knee to bring her leg a little higher allowing him more access to slide into her. He felt her jolt as he positioned himself at her entrance and slowly, excruciatingly let her feel every inch of him as he pushed inside of her.

She dug her nails into his upper thigh and bit down on her lower lip to stop herself from screaming out in pleasure.

They had made love so many times over the last year but they never got used to the feeling that would ignite in them whenever he would first penetrate her. Her skin was on fire and the angle caused him to be deeper inside of her.

"Shit Liv, so good," he managed to say struggling to not come from her wet heat that was already clenching around him. He wanted to be wild and reckless and fuck into her with the wild passion that he felt. Instead all he could do was slide inside and out of her in a slow, languid pace, each time he moved eliciting another moan from deep in the back of her throat.

He was trying hard to hold himself back. He wanted this to last, to keep feeling every space inside of her that was perfectly molded to him. But he knew this wouldn't last long.

He tucked his head under her arm, leaning over her and took her nipple into his mouth. She leaned back into him, allowing him a better angle to continue to suck one nipple while his hand worked the other and continued to thrust slowly inside of her.

"Unnnnnh," she cried out and he knew she was close. He began to move faster and the feelings of him sucking, touching and fucking her was too much all at once. She began to shake and her orgasm shot through her immediately triggering his. He kissed her effectively muffling her scream, his tongue dancing with hers making love to her mouth the way he had just made love to her body.

He stayed buried inside of her, waiting for their breathing to return to normal and his forehead pressed to her. She stroked the side of his cheek while he rubbed her belly chuckling at the feeling of his daughter kicking against his hand.

"She's moving around a lot these days. More so than usual," he said lighting up.

Olivia chuckled tiredly and put her hand on top of his. "Yes she is. I think she's ready to come out."

Elliot emphatically shakes his head and talks to her belly. "Oh no, little miss. You have another month to cook in there. No early arrivals," he playfully scolds and Olivia smiles at him.

They lay together a little longer in silence and he gets ready to pull out of her.

"No. Just..let's just lay here like this," she says stilling him.

He smiles and lays back down balancing his head on his forearm. "Ok."

"I think we've had sex in every room of the house so far. Consider it officially christened," she says yawning.

"Oh no, we still have the guest room but don't worry," he reminds her kissing the corner of her mouth, "the night is still young."

"El it's 8:30pm, you've worn me out and I'm hungry. I doubt you are getting a second round tonight."

He pulls back a few strands of her and put them behind her ear. "You ok? I mean…I tried to be gentle. I know we have to get creative with positions now…"

"Shhh," she tells him putting two fingers to his lips and then kissing them. "I'm fine. She's fine. Just teasing you."

He accepted her answer and laid back down softening inside of her.

"What do you want me to fix you to eat? Whatever you want."

"Hmmm…pizza!" she says excited and he can't help but laugh at how childlike and carefree she looks.

Things have been easier since they finally had the conversation. They've been in the new house for almost a week and he's noticed how much freer she seems. He can tell carrying the secret around of what really happened with Lewis was a weight on her shoulder that no longer exists.

Elliot has tried to move past what she told him that night. He feels relieved to know but finds himself every now and then thinking about just how close she came to being one of the rape victims that she tries to save everyday….or like her mom.

"El, get up and make my pizza," she says shaking him from his thoughts.

"Homemade pizza? That may take me a little while." He pulls out of her and slowly maneuvers out of the bed.

"No problem. I'll just snack on some fruit or something while I wait," she counters and watches his naked form while he stretches and puts his clothes back in.

She grins lazily and lays her head back on the pillow.

"Whatcha thinkin about Stabler?" he asks her while putting his shirt on.

"That you might get that second round after all."

XXXXX

The next morning they are rushing out of the house to get to Olivia's doctor appointment on time. She was feeling sick all morning and moving a little slower because her feet were swollen. She was moving things around in the boy's room the night before while he cooked, determined to get everything organized before Elliot had to come in and tell her to stop and rest.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asks noticing her head lying against the window.

"I'm just really tired and I feel a little out of sorts. I blame your pizza," she tries to joke.

Her phone started to ring interrupting them.

"Can we have no work phone calls until after the appointment?" he asked annoyed.

She noticed the Jersey area code and figured out who it probably was.

"Benson….oh wow...and they are both ok?...yes please I would love to see her…ok…well that's a big undertaking but you know if you both need anything….ok…thanks again for letting me know."

She hung up and took a deep breath still looking out the window watching the world go by. The city seems less chaotic than usual for a Tuesday morning and she quickly drowns out the car horns blowing and the other noises thinking about the phone call she just received.

"Who was that?" Elliot asked.

"That was Maya's aunt. She gave birth yesterday," she said continuing to look out the window.

"I know that's a little early, are her and the baby ok?"

"Yeah they are both fine. She uhh..she decided to keep her. Her aunt's going to help her raise her."

They ride in silence for a few minutes. Elliot doesn't want to push it but he knows she has feelings about what Maya is going through because of her own story.

"I couldn't imagine raising my rapist's baby at my age let alone hers. She has such a long road ahead. I just hope that…." She put her head down and starts fidgeting.

"Hope what?"

"I talked to Maya. Before she left the hospital when she was concerned about keeping her baby. I told her my story," she said laughing bitterly. "I just wanted her to know both sides that it's possible to be the child of a monster and not become one. I think that may be why she decided to keep her."

The truth is she felt guilty. She didn't know if she was an anomaly. That somehow she managed to turn her tragedy into somewhat of a triumph and not end up like her mother or father. She thought she was helping by telling Maya and her family her story but worries that it may have coerced them into making a decision they wouldn't have if she wouldn't have said anything.

"Would that be a bad thing if that's the reason?" he asks eyeing her cautiously.

She's fidgeting and really thinking over his question. "I just don't want her to hurt anymore than she already is. It's a reminder. I don't want her to end up like my mother because she can't deal with it. I don't want her child to be…"

"Be what?"

"Like her father."

"But you aren't."

She rolled her eyes. "I know that but…"

"You are an amazing person Olivia. You have managed to rise above your circumstances and look at you now. Maybe just maybe..her child will be amazing too," he says passing her a sideways smile.

She can't help but smile back at him. "I think you're biased El but thanks."

"I may be a little biased because you're my wife but I'm serious. I've always thought you were amazing and now that I know everything that you…" he clears his throat to try and rid himself of the thought, "You've been through a lot and you are still as good if not better of a person as you ever were. You may not believe it but I do so I'll just keep praying that our daughter is just like you and Maya's too."

XXXX

Dr. Wilder's office is as comfortable as it can possibly be under the circumstances. She's laying down in one of the paper gowns eyeing the stirrups that she hates to put her feet in. Even more so now because her feet look like sausages but she is happy to see her feet for what seems like the first time in weeks. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Elliot watching her and she thinks about his words in the car.

She knew that hearing the real story of what happened to her probably affected Elliot in ways that she will probably never know the full extent of. But she also knows that it has brought them closer together. He knows a secret about her that no one else in the world knows and despite the ring on her finger, his child growing inside of her and the things they've shared over the years, this trust she has in him is the biggest bond of all.

"Well hello Olivia. Looks like we will be seeing more of each other over the next four weeks," Dr. Wilder says cheerfully as she walks in the door. She greets Elliot and looks over Olivia's chart.

"How are you feeling?"

Before she can answer with her patented "Fine", Elliot interjects.

"She's had a headache all morning and not feeling quite herself. Her feet are also very swollen but it could be because she insisted on moving some light boxes around yesterday and organizing our son's room."

She shoots him a glare of disapproval that he completely ignores.

Dr. Wilder smiles at him and then at her. "Anything you want to add Olivia?"

"No, I guess he's got it covered."

The doctor takes her blood pressure, looks at her feet, does a vaginal exam and reviews her charts.

"Well Olivia do you want the good news, the not so good news or the bad news first?" the doctor asks.

Their faces fall completely and they immediately begin to worry.

"I guess the good news first," she answers.

"Your placenta is perfect so you will be able to have this little girl vaginally. The not so good news is that you are starting to thin out a little bit and it's a bit early for that. Not terribly early but it makes me think you won't make it to your due date," she explains matter of factly.

Olivia swallows hard and Elliot squeezes her hand. "The bad news?"

"Congratulations Olivia. Starting today you are officially on bedrest until you deliver."

Elliot begins to smile but quickly fixes his face when Olivia looks up at him visibly disappointed. He's happy because he knows coming from the doctor that she will actually listen and take care of herself and he won't have to worry as much anymore about her overexerting herself.

"I can't believe this," she says defeated.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but it's for the best. We don't want to take any chances. It will just be for a couple of weeks until you deliver. Like I said I think she will be here in probably about two to three weeks anyway. Three at the most. You won't make it to Valentine's Day," the doctor says and Elliot begins to tense up.

"So bedrest. That means…"

"We've been here before Olivia. When you had your concussion. Same thing. Only difference is you have to keep your feet up."

"Wait so that means no.." Elliot chimes in.

"That's right. No sex from now until six weeks after the baby is born. Sorry Elliot," she says genuinely before closing her clipboard. "Any other questions?"

Olivia shakes her head no.

"Nope, I think you've pretty much rained on both of our parades enough today," Elliot adds.

"Ok. Well Olivia I will see you in a week. Look at the bright side. You two just moved in a new house right? Well now you will get to spend a lot of time there," she winks at her before walking out.

Elliot is quiet on the ride home and Olivia was so lost in thought and already thinking about what she will do now that she has to start her maternity leave early that it took her awhile to notice.

"Elliot? Elliot?" she calls to get his attention.

"Yeah."

"What's going on? Why are you so quiet?"

He keeps his eye on the road tensely gripping the steering wheel. "It's nothing."

"Are you really that upset that we can't have sex for awhile?" she tries to lighten the mood.

He scoffs and laughs. "No. It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

He wanted to lie to her and tell her nothing because he planned on fixing it as soon as he got back to the house and could make a phone call but she has told him so much truth lately that he knows she doesn't deserve a lie.

"I was going to go back undercover for a couple of weeks. Two at the most."

She's disappointed. He can tell. Her face drops and she looks back out the window.

"I thought you didn't have to go back for anything longer than a weekend for awhile."

He takes a deep steadying breath. "I wasn't. I asked for the assignment."

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"You what?" she asked shocked.

"Let me explain."

Her mind is going a mile a minute and her disappointment turns to anger. She's eight months pregnant, they are in a new home and he decides to go undercover.

He pulled the car over to the first parking spot he saw.

"Liv, look at me please," he begged.

She turned around to mirror his posture and her hard stare immediately softens when she seems how sincere his eyes are.

"I took the assignment because I thought I had a little more time and because I needed the money."

She opened her mouth to protest and he stopped her.

"I need the money for Maureen. She's been very stressed out about money because she had to quit her job and she has two babies on the way. Jason is still a resident so he's not making a lot. She didn't ask me to do this. As a matter of fact she's probably going to be mad if she ever figures out why I'm doing this because she's proud and stubborn. Not sure where she gets that from," he says sarcastically and she finds herself smiling back at him. "But it doesn't matter. Now that I know how close you are to delivering I'm not going to chance missing the birth of our daughter. I'll call them and tell them I can't go."

Deep down she wanted him to make the call and to stay with her while she spends the next weeks locked in the house with nothing to do but wait for time to pass by but at the same time she knows he has to do this. Being a parent is about sacrifices. She's learned that lesson in the short time that she has been a mother.

"El, don't. You said two weeks at the most right?"

"Yeah," he rasps.

"Ok. Worst case scenario two weeks will be right around the time she comes and that was the minimum amount of time the doctor gave us. You won't miss it. I promise you that. I'll do whatever I can to make sure she stays in there until her daddy gets back," she assured him.

"Liv I—I just feel like I'm letting you down. Who is going to take care of you while I'm gone? You're on bedrest."

"Do you realize how many friends we have? They are just dying to chip in. If anything I will probably get annoyed by so many people being at the house," she said still trying to comfort him. She leaned over as best she could under the circumstances and put his face in her hands. It was a move she did whenever she wanted him to calm down and concentrate only on her and nothing else.

"How about this? You call them and tell them you will be there as soon as possible. Tomorrow because you are on a strict timetable and I will go ahead and call the troops and see who can babysit me while you are gone. Deal?"

"Deal."

XXXX

A few hours and several phone calls later, Elliot had finished packing and was set to leave first thing in the morning. His case agent promised him that they would pull him if Olivia went into labor and he would be gone no longer than two weeks. Olivia called and informed Chief Dodds that she had to start her maternity leave early leaving Fin temporarily in charge until the temporary lieutenant could take over.

She was pleased to find out that Lt. Declan Murphy was no longer undercover and was going to fill in for her in a few weeks while she was out. She was less pleased to find out that Dodds managed to squeeze in his son Mike who was a Sargeant to work in the Unit as well although he claimed it was temporary. She made it clear that Fin would be number two no matter who was in charge and that Mike needed to respect that but there was only so much she could do from her couch. Fin assured her he would be fine either way and told her to focus on her health. Melinda, Casey and Alex had already signed up to be there to check on her and Lucy offered to stay with her while Elliot was gone.

"What time is your flight?" she asked him trying her best not to sound unhappy.

"5 in the morning. I'm going to leave here about 3:30 to get to the airport," he replied stoically.

"Make sure you wake me up before you leave."

"Liv you need your rest."

"What I need is to say goodbye to my husband. Promise me El."

He kissed her forehead and pulled her in his arms to lay down with him on the sofa. "I promise."

They laid for a few minutes before Noah began to cry.

"Let me go get him. He's probably hungry," Elliot said getting off the couch. "Ill fix us all some lunch."

Later when they were at the table eating she watched him feed Noah and play with him and struggled to hold back her tears. It was only two weeks but she was going to miss him. She promised that he wouldn't miss Charlotte's birth and she really hoped that he wouldn't but there were no guarantees. There was a chance that he wouldn't get back in time and that made her sad. He caught her staring at him a few times but each time he winked at her or flashed her a small smile. He was bothered too but this was for Maureen. She was proud of him for doing whatever he could to help his child.

After lunch, he called each of the children to tell him about being out of town and that they would need to be around for Olivia. She overheard him talking to them on the phone. Of course Maureen was the most upset, fussing at him for leaving his pregnant wife to go and work but he took the reprimand in stride. Dickie was less than thrilled that Lucy would be spending her time at their house instead of his for the next couple of weeks and Eli made him promise that they were going to go to the zoo when he got back. His conversation with Lizzie was relatively short and she couldn't get a read on what happened when they talked.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and evening playing with Noah and just hanging around the house. Since she was on bedrest she watched in amusement as Elliot took on doing every little menial task she wanted to do in Charlotte's nursery. She couldn't help but break out in a fit of giggles watching him hang up her little dresses on the baby hangers and put them in the closet and arrange her shoes. He seemed a little annoyed at first but she caught him a few times touching the clothes and looking around the nursery in awe.

"Can't believe that by the time I get back she will be almost here. Seems like just yesterday.."

"That you took advantage of me and knocked me up," she said her eyes dancing with humor.

"Oh no way Mrs. Stabler. The night of Noah's adoption party I was just minding my own business trying to unwind after a long day and you are the one that took advantage of me." He leaned over and kissed her running his fingers through her hair trying to memorize her taste and smell. He's going to miss her. He knows this and it makes his chest tighten at the thought of having to leave right now.

"I did take advantage of you. It's that ass of your I'm telling you. A girl can't help herself," she jokes slapping him on the butt.

"Noah do you see what your daddy has to put up with," he grins and Noah giggles reaching up for Elliot to pick him up. "Let's get you in the tub while mommy goes and lays down for a bit," he tells him.

The doorbell rings and Elliot looks at his watch seeing that it's a little after 7pm. "Oh I didn't realize it was so late. Honey I have to tell you something."

"Well let me go get the door first and before you say anything, it is ok for me to walk the short distance to my door," she admonishes him.

He is trying to interject. "Yeah but-." The doorbell rings again.

Olivia doesn't let him finish before she walks to the door and opens it. "Lizzie?"

"Hey Liv. I guess since I'm going to be here for the next couple of weeks I probably need to get a key," she says in a chipper tone pulling in two suitcases.

"What's with all the luggage Elizabeth you're only going to be here for a week, two weeks max," Elliot yells from the hall.

Olivia is stuck in place watching Lizzie bring in her belongings and heading upstairs. She then turns her gaze towards Elliot who has a guilty smirk on his face.

"I believe you had something to tell me."

"Funny story," he says sarcastically. "Dickie and Lucy are practically shacking and I guess the thought of being without his lady for two whole weeks was just too much for him to bear," he adds with dramatic flair. "Anyway, she offered to stay for a week and then Lizzie could take a week since school hasn't started yet."

"But she has two suitcases like she's going to stay here a lot longer," Olivia interjects.

"Yeah well you know Lizzie," he says full on smiling at this point. "She just kind of took over and told Lucy don't worry about it and she would just stay here with you the whole time and take care of you. She told Lucy to drop in when she could but she had it handled. You two are going to have a great time."

He's laughing at her expression and she knows he knows exactly what he is doing. She wanted to retort something funny back at him but she's just happy to see him smiling considering the unfortunate situation they find themselves in.

Instead she takes the high road. "Yes. We will have a great time."

XXXX

She's dead asleep when his alarm goes off at 2:45am and he begins to quietly move about the house and get ready for his flight. He goes into their rooms and kisses both Noah and Lizzie goodbye. Lizzie stirs long enough to say, "Be careful dad. Don't worry we will be fine," before she is back to sleep.

With a few minutes to spare, he cuddles face to face with Olivia watching her sleep. She's sleeping harder these days, the baby taking almost every bit of energy out of her. He sends the audio text message to her phone that he managed to record earlier that evening while she was in the tub.

He has to be at the airport shortly so he gently shakes her to wake her up.

"Hey baby, I have to get going soon."

She's awake instantly and wraps her hands around his neck. He places a kiss on her arm, her neck and then her cheek before settling his face back between her neck and shoulder. She breathes him in and holds on tight before finally pulling back and looking into his eyes. She's proud of herself that she managed to not cry.

"I'm going to miss you," she whispers.

"I'm going to miss you too. Please follow the doctor's orders and stay off your feet. Please," he whispers back at her.

"I will."

"Good I'll make sure Lizzie sees to that," he says winking at her and she pinches him in response.

"And you. I meant what I said Little Miss Stabler," he says talking to her belly. "Don't you dare come out before daddy gets back. I love you." He places a kiss on her stomach and reaches back up to hug her again.

She whispers in his ear as he's holding on to her. "I've made some bad decisions in my life but choosing you as the father of my children was the best decision I ever made. You are a good father Elliot. You aren't disappointing me by leaving, you are making me proud. I love you."

He doesn't respond right away because he doesn't want to start crying but when he squeezes her tighter and leans into her just a little more she knows he absorbed what she said. He finally lets her go and heads for the bedroom door. She watches him in silence when he stops at the threshold of their bedroom. "I love you too. See you soon."

And with that he's gone. She listens for a few more minutes when she hears the front door close and lock. Her tears are flowing and she just hopes and prays that she can keep her promise.

XXXX

A/N: I've had a few comments about featuring Lizzie so prominently in this story. It's mostly because I do find it odd that she was the one Stabler child that was never really featured in the show, which gave me a lot more latitude to develop what I envision her character to be like. With that said the next chapter is Lizzie heavy, so be ready. You know she can be a whole bunch, haha.

We are getting closer people…baby is almost here. Hang in there…and while you're hanging feel free to write a review too ;-)


	66. Full Circle

Chapter 66: Full Circle

"So you can make your own lists and name them what you want. Then you do searches and pin them to those lists. Like this," Lizzie said pressing buttons on Olivia's iPad. "And there you go. There's recipes, decorating ideas, book suggestions, fashion tips, everything."

Olivia looked on in wonder and was surprised by how intrigued she was with the site. "So that's it? Wow. I should've had this when I was decorating the baby's nursery."

Lizzie got up from the sofa and put Noah in his high chair. "No, you did a really good job with her nursery. I'm impressed. I was actually going to ask you if that should be my next project."

Olivia laughed and continued to scroll through Pinterest. "Are you sure you don't want to be a party planner or something? You really have been on quite a roll lately."

"Oh no," the blonde replied putting some grapes on Noah's high chair. "It's these darn apps. They make you think you can do anything. I'm telling you Pinterest changed my life Liv."

Olivia sat up straight on the couch and muted the television. "I guess I understand your point. I've been watching HGTV for the past week and I'm convinced I can remodel this whole house for less than $5,000."

"Don't let dad or Dick hear you say that. They were working around the clock on this place. I'm glad it's finally done and ready to go. It's pretty cool," she said looking around.

Olivia observed Lizzie maneuvering around the kitchen. She had been there everyday for the past week and hadn't complained once. Normal kids her age would be out partying for their senior year and going out all times of the night but she was perfectly content staying at home and taking care of her family. For all the ways that she had a lot of Elliot in her, her nurturing nature clearly came from her mom.

It had been six days since Elliot left and a day longer since she went on bedrest and she was going completely insane. All the usual suspects came by to visit her, Munch, Don, the squad and all of the kids but it wasn't a substitute for her husband. She tried to distract herself with television shows but when that wore off she moved on to her iPad, which previously had only been used to look at crime scene photos and emails, and distracted herself with apps and games. Lizzie suggested a bunch of apps for her including Pinterest and she found some pregnancy related ones that were interesting.

"Is it almost time for your doctor's appointment?" Lizzie asked looking at her watch.

Olivia tried to put her shoes on when she noticed the time. "Yes it is. Are you sure you are ok with taking me? I can call Alex or Casey."

"It's totally fine Liv. I would actually love to go. It will be cool to hear about the baby firsthand," she said feeding Noah the last of his snack. "Ill get this little guy's shoes on and then we can get going."

At the doctor's office, Lizzie and Noah came to the back with her while she was examined.

"Well look who we have here," Dr. Wilder said bending down to see Noah who was standing next to Lizzie.

"This is Noah. Can you say hi?" Lizzie asked Noah who was acting shy.

He put his hands up for Lizzie to pick him up before he spoke. "Hi."

Olivia laid down trying to get comfortable and formally introduced the kids. "That's the infamous Noah. And the beauty holding him is my stepdaughter Lizzie."

She glowed at the compliment, "It's nice to meet you."

"Well I can definitely tell Elliot is your father. I'd recognize those blue eyes anywhere," the doctor commented.

"Are you still feeling ok?" she asked Olivia.

"Yeah just bored out of my mind but you will be happy to know I've been staying off my feet and doing a whole lot of nothing," she said rolling her eyes.

"And I've been making sure of that," Lizzie interjected. "My dad will be gone another week so definitely don't want my sister coming before then."

"Well it's a good thing she has you because if I know Olivia, she wouldn't have been so easy to convince to stay off her feet especially without Elliot around to supervise her."

The doctor checks her and discovers that she is a little more thinned out than last time and a centimeter dilated. Olivia immediately the disappointment on her stepdaughter's face.

"Do you think I will make it another week?" Olivia asks concerned.

"It's hard to say. You could go in to labor tomorrow or go another two weeks. I can't really tell you one way or another. She's going to come when she wants to come."

Everything else looked fine and she sent Olivia home with an appointment again in later in the week. While she gathered her paperwork from the doctor she saw Lizzie texting on her phone and she looked concerned. During the car ride home she tried to feel her out.

"So do you have any plans tonight?" Olivia asked.

Lizzie kept her eyes straight ahead, tension radiating from her. "Well I was thinking I could pick up some ice cream and me, you and Noah could watch a movie."

"You mean the same thing we did last night," she retorted.

"Ok I'll mix it up. You like board games?" Lizzie said forcing a smile.

She watched her for a moment and decided to be direct. "You want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

She gave Lizzie a knowing look.

"Can we talk about it when we get home?"

Home. Olivia was beginning to love that word more and more and was happy that she considered their house her home even though she didn't live there full time.

"Sure."

When they made it back to the house, Dickie and Lucy came over for dinner which Lucy cooked and even Simon and little Olivia visited to check on her and brought over more food. Her and Simon got a chance to talk while Noah played with his cousin.

After everyone left Olivia put Noah down for the night, the one task she insisted on doing no matter what, and sat back on the couch waiting for Lizzie. She could hear her in the other room on the phone and the conversation sounded a little stressed. While she waited for her to come out of the other room, she settled on the couch with her feet up and plugged her headphones into her phone.

She smiled to herself thinking about the audio message she found the morning Elliot left of him reading stories to Noah and Charlotte. He recorded a separate message for both of them and she played it for each of them every night. She laid back getting comfortable on the sofa, stretching the headphones across her huge baby bump and listened to the soothing sound of Elliot's voice reading "Love you Forever."

She missed this. It had only been a week but she missed hearing the low timbre of his voice when he would talk to her at nights in bed, or try and calm her down or when he was talking to the children. She worried about his safety and prayed that in his hopes to get back in time for the birth that he wouldn't put himself in harm's way and try to end the operation early.

She started to doze off listening to his voice until she heard Lizzie's footsteps enter the room.

"Hey Liv, you need me to help you to bed?" she whispered.

"Oh no I'm good," she responded and sat back up on the couch. "Come sit." She patted the space next to her and Lizzie obliged. "So tell me. What's going on?"

Lizzie sighed and looked straight ahead at the quiet TV gathering her thoughts. Her long blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she was wearing the glasses that reminded Olivia so much of when she was a little girl playing around in the squad room on the rare occasions that Kathy brought them. She made it a point to only wear them at night or when no one was around convinced they made her look less beautiful than she was.

"I heard you on the phone. Things were a little tense. Everything ok with you and Dean?" she asked her trying to spur her on.

Lizzie shifted uncomfortably. "Liv, how did you know when you were ready to…you know..have sex?"

Olivia smiled slightly. Not only was Lizzie was still a virgin which she was sure Elliot would be thrilled about, but she was actually opening up to her about something difficult for her to talk about. Sensing her discomfort she decided to talk to her less as a parental figure but more of a friend.

"Honestly, I didn't really think about it all that much and I should've. Sex for me was a little different because it was a means of escape for me. It wasn't really about love."

Lizzie was intrigued and shifted her body facing Olivia. "How so?"

"My mom was a mess and I was looking for any and everything to take my mind off of it. I was young. Much younger than you are and I think I was looking for the attention."

"How young?" she asked eagerly. Olivia hesitated briefly.

"It's ok you don't have to tell me." She got ready to turn back around but Olivia put her hand on her knee to stop her.

"I was 15 and he was one of my mom's students. In his 20's. He eventually asked me to marry him when I was 16 but the relationship didn't work out."

"So you regret it?"

"Yes and no. I wish I would've viewed sex differently and took it more seriously but then it's hard for me to regret anything about my life these days because I'm right where I want to be," she said flashing the youngster a smile that she returned.

Lizzie looked at her a little longer with a content smile on her face. "He really does make you happy doesn't he?"

"Yes. He does," she said simply. They didn't need to say names. She knew exactly who she was referring to.

"I guess it's hard to have a worldly or realistic view of sex when your parents were each other's first and your dad marries every woman he's slept with."

Olivia's face registered her surprise and Lizzie looked at her amused. "Oh so you didn't know."

She shrugged. "I just never asked. He was separated and I know he dated but..how do you know this?"

"I know my dad and I paid attention. He went on a few dates when they split the first time, none of them more than once or twice and he was never interested enough to take it further. I think he was still mourning the marriage. And well..you know how things were when he and mom finally divorced. The last thing on his mind was being in a relationship with anyone…other than you."

Olivia sat and thought through Lizzie's words and suddenly everything to her made sense. While Kathleen was sick, Dickie rebelling and Maureen was out of the house, Lizzie was the quiet, consistent child that was always there. She didn't go to the school dances and party like her siblings, she chose to stay home. A choice that allowed her to see more than she should've seen and hear more than she should've heard at a young age. She was all about her family and losing her sister and watching her parents' marriage fall apart was moreso the reason she tried to put everyone back together.

"Lizzie you are a smart girl. Smarter than any girl I know. You will know when it's the right time. I figure if we are having this conversation, then you are already nearing that point. Just tell me he's not pressuring you," she said watching Lizzie for any indication that he was.

"No. The opposite actually. I'm having all these feelings and I've been kind of avoiding him because I don't want to be tempted I guess. I know it's stupid," she said fidgeting with her hands.

Olivia placed her hands over hers to still them. "It's not stupid. I get it believe me."

"God I'm going to want to kill myself for asking but…" she rolled her eyes and fidgeted a bit more suddenly finding the wall behind Olivia very appealing instead of looking her straight in the eye. "Look I want to believe that my dad is a guy who has never had sex because..he's my dad and that's just gross to think about but with the plethora of kids he has running around on Earth including myself and the one in your stomach that's staring me down right now I just have to face reality," she rambled and Olivia laughed. "How did you know it was the right time with my dad?"

"Ironically I waited longer with your dad and thought it over with him more than I have with anyone else I've had sex with."

Lizzie jumped in quick, her curiosity getting the better of her. "How many have there been?"

"And that's something we won't be discussing," she said playfully pointing her finger at her. "Anyway, I waited longer because I loved your dad the most, more than I've loved anyone and I knew it was going to drastically change us either way. Anyone else it didn't matter if it didn't work out but with your dad it was…everything. I had to know that I was ok with it going to a different level and being in deeper than I have ever been before in my life."

Lizzie listened intently and her expression changed as if something Olivia had just said had made her mind for her.

"I hope that makes sense," she said rubbing her back.

Lizzie smiled back. "It does. Thank you…you know for everything. It's cool to have someone to talk to about this stuff."

Olivia thought about her childhood and how much she wished she had someone to talk to when she had these kinds of thoughts.

"You are welcome sweetie." She leaned over and pulled Lizzie into a hug. "It's cool to be here to talk about this stuff with you. I know I'm busy a lot and will be more busy when this little one gets here," she said touching her stomach, "but you can come by the station or here anytime and just…talk. Ok?"

"Really?" Lizzie looked genuinely surprised. "I know I drive everyone nuts."

"Really. I want you to. As a matter of fact, why don't you and I have a standing date to get together at least twice every month just me and you. We can talk, go get manicures, whatever you want."

Lizzie looked as if she was almost about to cry but held it together and nodded her head in agreement.

"Ok. It's a date. Now go to bed, I'm going to..well I guess I'll just lay here for a little while longer," she laughed making fun of her state of not being able to do anything.

"Good night Olivia."

With Lizzie upstairs and Noah fast asleep, she started the audio recording of Elliot reading over again and listened to it in the quiet of her home. Olivia thought about her life and how one way or another everything seems to come full circle. Her relationship with Elliot and becoming a mother. She also remembered the girl who needed somebody to talk to and be there for her when she didn't understand her circumstances and couldn't talk to her mother and how this woman touched her so deeply that she would name her daughter after her. Somehow on this random night when she was wallowing in thoughts of boredom and bedrest, she was able to be that person for someone else.

XXXXX

"We're here," Casey yelled from the foyer. "Liv?"

"I'm here, just laying here," she responded in an annoyed tone from the sofa. "Because you know where else would I be?"

Casey, Alex and Melinda each passed each other cautious glances knowing they were probably stepping into a landmine. It was now twelve days since she had been on bedrest and Elliot was still undercover. Olivia's mood had deteriorated over the last few days and she was getting increasingly uncomfortable. A fact that she was sure to share with anyone who bothered to ask.

Melinda decided to brave her wrath first. "We bought you some lunch and some magazines."

"Thanks," she groaned.

"How are you feeling?" Alex asked out of obligation and caught the murderous glances of Casey and Melinda.

"Well since you asked," she said sitting up and grimacing at the pain in her lower back, "there is not one part of my body that doesn't hurt, ache, itch or something else that's just getting on my nerves. My own son I think is even tired of me. I tried to play with him earlier and couldn't so I tried to read to him instead and he looked utterly bored," she complained.

Casey gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorr-"

"And THEN, because I tried to hold on to some sense of reality I called Fin to try and get an update on what's going on at work," she interrupted "he gave me some lame line about oh don't worry everything is fine and rushed me off the phone. So I thought I would just call Nick, you know the one that was my partner, well clearly Fin got to him too so he wouldn't spill. Amanda just dodged my call and they even got to Carisi. I even tried to call him Sonny, that stupid name he keeps telling everyone to call him and that didn't work either. He just told me not to worry and rushed me off the phone."

The ladies didn't know what to say to her. They hadn't seen Olivia this irritable since Elliot turned in his retirement papers.

Olivia rubbed her belly a little irritated because the baby was moving and it was starting to become painful. "I mean this is crazy right? I hate being like this. I mean I'm 48 years old, I know that it's a miracle that I'm even pregnant so I feel guilty for being so miserable. I should be grateful. She's healthy and everything's fine," she said starting to cry. "I just…"

"You just miss Elliot," Casey finished.

"God, when did I become this person? I've never been this dependent on anyone."

"Sorry to break it to you Liv but you and Elliot have always had this codependent thing going on," Alex teased trying to lighten the mood.

Olivia chuckled lightly wiping her face. "Yeah I guess you are right. I just want him here and I want her here," she said motioning to her belly and sighing. "What if she comes and he doesn't make it back in time?" she whispered.

Judging by Olivia's symptoms with being thinned out, the pain in her lower back, Melinda knew that she was likely to go into labor at any minute but she didn't want to alarm her any more than she already was. "He will make it Liv. If I have to go and get him myself. He will make it."

XXXX

Lizzie, Dickie and Lucy returned later in the afternoon as the ladies were leaving with a tired Noah in tow. Olivia sat on the couch and held him as best she could with her belly getting in the way. She faintly heard a knock on the door before Dickie announcing that he would get it.

"Oh hey Mom," she heard Dickie say.

Her head immediately shot up not expecting Kathy to be at her door.

"Hey squirt," Dickie said and Olivia remembered it was their weekend to have Eli.

Kathy guardedly walked into the living room holding Eli's hand.

"Olivia!" Eli squealed running over to her but then stopping abruptly when she removed her blanket. "Oh wow. You're stomach has gotten even huger since the last time!"

"Eli!" Kathy scolded him.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at his candidness, the thing she loved most about kids his age.

"It's fine Kathy," she said waving off the comment. "She's moving around now do you want to feel?"

Eli stepped closer and put his hand on her belly.

"Baby," Noah said putting his hand on there as well.

"That's so cool. I can feel her kicking," Eli said in awe. "She kicks a lot. Maybe she will play soccer like me."

"Maybe so," she said kissing his head.

Kathy stayed back by the entrance to the living room not fully coming in. Despite all the progress the family had made, she still wanted to respect boundaries and not overstep.

"I have his clothes and everything in his bag. I know Elliot's on assignment," she said apologetically. "He just really insisted on not missing his weekend here. I would've kept him, I can see you have your hands full."

"It's perfectly fine. Besides I'm tired of seeing the same ole people in out of here, it will be nice to spend my time with someone else."

"Come on squirt, get your stuff let's take it upstairs," Dickie teased. "I'll take Noah up there too. See you later mom."

Kathy waved and stood frozen in place. Olivia noticed her body language and gestured for her to sit down.

Kathy smiled and held her hand up to politely turn down the offer. "I didn't want to stay too long. I just wanted to say I appreciate you being supportive of Elliot going undercover to help out Maureen."

Olivia was a little surprised that she knew but then again she and Elliot seemed to be communicating better these days.

"It's no problem. Of course he's going to do whatever he has to do to help his daughter."

"Yeah I know but just with you being so close to your due date and everything I know he would rather be here than working."

Olivia winced as she made her way to stand up. "I would prefer him be here but..shit.." she cursed leaning over to balance on the coffee table.

"Are you ok?" Kathy asked rushing to her side.

"Yeah just…maybe..I sat too long," she struggled to say holding on to her lower back.

"Is the pain in your back?"

"Yeah..and..shit."

Olivia grabbed Kathy's hand and shoulder as she felt a sharp pain shoot through her. She yelled and Lizzie came running out of the kitchen. "Is everything ok?"

Kathy shot Lizzie a look and mouthed '_Call him'_ to her while Olivia looked down struggling through a contraction.

"Olivia listen to me. Have you had any other stomach pains today?" Kathy asked.

"I felt a little weird after lunch but that's it. Oh no, this can't be happening already," she cried and tried to breathe.

Lizzie ran to the other room frantically pulling out her phone and searching for the number her dad gave her to call if anything happened.

"Whelan."

"Hi Agent Whelan this…this is Elizabeth Stabler, Elliot's daughter."

"Yes is everything alright?"

Not one to mince words she cut straight to the chase. "Pull him."

Lizzie walked back to the living room with a bemused look on her face and saw Olivia on the couch holding her stomach still wincing in pain.

"What's wrong?" Kathy whispered ushering her away from Olivia.

"Nothing. Umm..they are going to pull him. Do you think she's in labor? I've been here with her she hasn't been having contractions," she asked. She was so nervous she was swaying from side to side unable to keep still.

"It sounds like it may be in the early stages but we need to get her to the hospital just to be on the safe side. Nothing will really happen until.."

"Oh god," Olivia groaned.

Kathy and Lizzie rushed back over to her side and saw her eyes wide and mouth gaped open.

"What?"

"I think my water just broke," she said with tears in her eyes looking down at the liquid on the sofa and floor.

Kathy saw the fear in her eyes and didn't think she had ever seen Olivia look so vulnerable. "Ok, it's ok. Lizzie, go tell Dickie and Lucy to stay here with the boys that we are going to take Olivia to the hospital."

"We?" Lizzie and Olivia asked simultaneously in shock.

"Yes Olivia. My daughter may think she is Superwoman but under this kind of stress I would prefer if I drove you to the hospital and Lizzie can ride with us. Ok?"

Before she could answer she had another contraction and yelled out.

"But…Elliot isn't here," she choked out while in pain.

"It's ok Liv, I called he's on his way," Lizzie assured her before yelling upstairs to Dickie and Lucy and running to the hallway to grab Olivia's bag she packed a few weeks ago.

"Wait," Olivia said before walking out of the door. "Can you go grab Noah?"

Lizzie looked confused for a second until she saw her mom glare at her to do whatever Olivia asked. After bolting upstairs, she was back down in less than a minute with the tot in her arms.

"Come here sweetie," she said holding on to him tight and burying her nose in his hair. Olivia couldn't explain the sudden need she had to embrace the only baby she ever had before she brought another one into the world. She was in too much pain to talk but hoped he understood everything she was trying to say with her embrace. Noah had come to her during a time when she thought that motherhood was out of the question and he healed her in more ways she thought possible. Now she knew this baby would do the same for other members of her family in the same way.

"Bye mama," he said as Lucy took him back in her arms.

Lizzie helped her to the car as she buckled her seatbelt and got settled. Kathy gave her a comforting smile while she started the car. During the ride in between contractions while Lizzie texted furiously on her phone and Kathy drove her cautiously to the hospital to deliver her and Elliot's child, Olivia couldn't help but smile and think to herself how life works itself out.

That everything really does have a way of coming full circle.


	67. Welcome to the World

Chapter 67: Welcome to the World

Within an hour of arriving to the hospital Olivia was in a room and hooked up to an IV and a fetal monitor. The baby's heartbeat was strong and her contractions were steady. She was three centimeters dilated and progressing along normally.

Kathy stayed with her while she observed Lizzie pacing outside the room dialing her phone furiously. She kept watching the clock and listening for any sign that Elliot was at the hospital. Kathy gave her a sympathetic look every time she would check the time. She knew that Elliot missed the birth of Kathleen and almost missed the twins' because of work and she hoped that he wouldn't miss this one.

"Well well well, I hear someone's having a baby," Fin remarked making his way into the room and to her bedside. Kathy quietly excused herself.

"Fin, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked on the tail end of a contraction.

"Well I got the text from Lizzie saying that you were in labor. Where else would I be?"

He hugged her and kissed her forehead and she let the tears flow that she had been holding back. "He's not here Fin, what if he—"

"It's going to be ok. You know Stabler, he wouldn't miss this for the world."

She smiled at his attempt to keep the faith but then felt another contraction. "Oh shit-," she gritted through her teeth holding tightly to Fin's hand.

"Ok ok just breathe Liv," he tried to console her.

She got through the contraction and lay back against the pillow growing more exhausted by the minute. She was trying her best to stay calm and think positive, not wanting to cause any more stress to herself or the baby.

"Are you sure I'm not keeping you from work?"

Fin nodded and pulled a chair up next to the bed. "Nahh, Little Mikey's got things covered. He's so ready to prove himself that he's going above and beyond. Frankly it was getting a little crowded."

She was happy to hear about something work related to take her mind off of everything. "Little Mikey?" she laughed. "Please don't tell me you call him that to his face."

"You already know I do. He hates it but don't have the balls to say nothing."

Olivia took another deep breath through another smaller contraction. "Tell..me something else about work…just anything."

Fin hesitated for a minute checking to make sure she didn't need anything before he continued. "Well let's see. Something's up with Nick and Amanda, you know other than the usual. I think Nick mentioned something about going to California again for another visit and how much he likes it there and she's a little nervous that he's going to move there."

Olivia's scrunched her face in confusion. "Nick move to California? That's stupid. He wouldn't leave would he?"

"No I don't think so but you know how you women get when you are all attached to guy. Start overthinking everything," he replied making her smile. "Let's see Carisi and Little Mikey are becoming bosom buddies. Hanging out after work and all."

She rolled her eyes and smiled, "Oh god."

"Exactly. They have a lot in common I guess and I'm stilling trying to figure out if that's a good thing or bad thing," they both laughed.

"Are you guys missing me yet?" she asked with a slight smile silently hoping they did.

"You know the place isn't the same without you baby girl. We miss you but you will be back in no time. Just get this little one here safe and sound," he said touching her stomach just as another contraction came on.

"Damn it!" She gripped his hand and buried her face in the pillow on the verge of tears again as her stomach tightened. The contractions were getting more intense and she knew with each one that brought her closer to the birth.

"I'm going to fucking kill him when he gets here," she seethed when the contraction was over to Fin's enjoyment.

"What…. are you… grinning at?" she choked out between breaths.

"I have to admit Liv. I didn't take you for one of the typical women who curse the father during childbirth. What's next? You're going to say it's all his fault that you are going through this?"

She couldn't help but laugh a little. "No, I won't go there. I guess this one is on me."

He held up his hand to stop her. "I don't need the details."

She asked Fin to take the Semper Fi medal out of her bag and put it on a table in the room. She read the week before that it was a good idea to have something to focus on during contractions and she couldn't think of anything more perfect.

He stayed by her side for the next half hour while she continued to have contractions talking to her and holding her hand.

"Fin?" she asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah."

"Thank you for being here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

He left the room while the doctor checked her again.

"Ok Olivia looks like you are making good progress. You are almost five centimeters. If you want to get an epidural now is definitely the time," Dr. Wilder explained.

She was drained, in pain and didn't feel like thinking about anything. She put her hands over her face in frustration as the tears rolled down her face landing on her pillow.

"She's ready for the epidural."

She gasped at the familiar sound. Her tears abruptly stopped as she focused on the figure standing in the door. It was Elliot.

"Oh my god," she cried reaching for him and he was by her side in an instant. "You made it. I thought you were going to miss it."

He grabbed her face, placing kisses all over, dropping his forehead to hers.

"I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner. There's no way I'm going to miss this," he cried pushing her hair out of her face and kissing her on the lips.

She buried her face in his shirt, drowning herself in his scent and the feel of him against her. "How in the hell did you get here so fast?"

"I wasn't going to let anything stop me from being here," he answered his voice thick with emotion.

Lizzie entered the room, tearing up at the exchange between the two. "I told you I would get him here Liv. You can relax now."

Elliot attempted to give Olivia a scolding look, "Don't tell me you haven't been a good patient."

"She's been just fine. Just missing you that's all and now that you are here we can get this show on the road. I'm going to get the anesthesiologist so we can get her epidural and get this little girl here," Dr. Wilder asserted leaving the room.

No one was allowed in the room while Olivia was given the epidural so Elliot spent his time catching up with everyone in the waiting room. Casey, Alex, Don, Munch and most of the kids showed up to lend their support and wait for Charlotte to make her arrival. Lucy stayed with Eli and Noah at home. Once the doctor gave them the word they all filed back into Olivia's room. Elliot was concerned that it was a little too much for her while she was in labor, but Olivia insisted on keeping everyone there. She had already spent so much of her life alone, she appreciated having such a large support system around.

"So how long does this whole process take?" Dickie complained looking at his watch. They had been at the hospital for a little over an hour.

"The miracle of childbirth takes time," Maureen added rubbing her own bump while lying back on the sofa in the room.

Lizzie slapped his arm. "Yeah quit being so impatient Dickwad. You're not going to die if you spend a few moments away from Lucy plus the rate you two are going it may not be long before she's here having a child of her own," she teased laughing at her own joke.

"The hell she is," Elliot retorted and everyone started to laugh except Dickie who slapped Lizzie back for instigating.

"Aww come on Stabler, we all know you are a fan of procreation. The amount of people in this room should prove that," Casey joked and Elliot rolled his eyes at her.

He turned his attention back to Olivia who was starting to have another contraction and held her hand through it. They were less intense since she had the epidural but still caused her some pain.

"Just breathe baby. It's almost over," he consoled her while looking at the machine monitoring her contractions and she focused on the medal.

"So I guess that came in handy hunh?" he asked with a smirk touching the medal he sent to her years ago.

She grinned back. "Yes it did in more ways than you know." She leaned up and took his bottom lip in hers giving him a tender kiss. Despite the laughter and talking in the room, they felt like the only two people there. She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands across the stubble on his chin.

"Have I told you how happy I am that you made it?" she whispered.

"Only a few times," he smiled and kissed her again. "I can't wait to hold her Liv. You are doing great."

"And there they go again," Dickie teased from across the room. "They keep this up and we will be right back here in another 9 months welcoming another sibling."

"That's actually 10 months and that's only because she has to wait 4-6 weeks," Alex added and everyone laughed again.

"The hell we are!" Olivia quipped mocking Elliot's words from before.

One of the machines started beeping and everyone stopped talking to see what was happening. Dr. Wilder and her nurse came into the room to check the monitor.

Elliot got nervous when he saw the look on her face. "What's going on?"

"It looks like there's an issue with the baby's heart rate. Olivia I need you to roll over on your back for me I want to make sure this is on firmly," she asserted helping her on her back.

She quickly obliged and everyone watched the monitor closely waiting for it to stop beeping.

"What happening?" Olivia asked starting to get worried. "It's on right so is her heart rate still down?"

Dr. Wilder gave her an impassive look. "It looks like it is, let me take a look. I'm going to need everyone to step out of the room please."

"Dad is the baby ok?" Lizzie panicked.

At the sound of her voice, Elliot went over to her as everyone walked out. "Honey everything is going to be fine."

Dickie's face suddenly grew serious and he saw Maureen's worried look as well. "Dick take care of your sisters. I'm going to let you guys know the second I know something ok?"

Fin gave him a reassuring nod as they all headed back to the waiting room.

Olivia writhed in pain as Dr. Wilder checked her and she went through another contraction.

"Doc give it to us straight what's going on?" Elliot asked holding Olivia's hand.

"The baby's heart rate dropped. She's not handling the contractions well. She could turn it around but Olivia just had another contraction and she isn't handling as well I would like."

Olivia started to cry quietly. "What do you suggest we do?"

"We could wait it out for a few more minutes and see if she bounces back or…we could do a C-section and get her out as soon as possible. It's your choice."

"Get her out," Olivia said with no hesitation.

"Liv—" Elliot tried to interject but she squeezed his hand in response.

"I'm not taking any chances. I want her out and safe. I don't want to wait," she explained to him before turning to the doctor. "Prep me for the C-section."

The doctor gave them both a small nod before heading out with the nurse to get everything prepared. Elliot knew why she wasn't taking any chances and a part of him felt guilty. He knew she didn't want to have surgery and wanted to deliver vaginally but she wasn't taking the risk because she was going to do everything in her power to make sure he didn't lose another child. He wanted to ask her again if she was sure but decided against it.

"Everything is going to be fine Liv," he reassured her rubbing her hair. "We are going to be holding our baby soon."

"What if they don't get her out—"

He silenced her with a kiss. "They are going to get her out."

Dr. Wilder entered the room with a few more nurses. "Ok Elliot you go with the nurse and get changed. Olivia we are going to take you to the Operating Room."

Elliot went to the waiting room for a minute to update everyone and let them know Olivia was having a C-section. Everyone relocated to the other waiting room close to the OR. Within minutes, he was in scrubs back at Olivia's side sitting next to her. He stroked her cheek while her bottom lip kept quivering.

"Ok Olivia we are about to start," the doctor asserted from behind her mask.

"Talk to me about something," she insisted to Elliot trying to calm her nerves.

He thought for a bit before coming up with the perfect thing to talk about. "So did I tell you that I was about to piss my pants when I saw you at that crime scene with Lizzie for the first time?"

She smiled briefly before cringing at the pressure she started to feel. "No…but I could kind of tell…".

He peeked around the curtain for a second before continuing. "Everything looks fine Liv," he guaranteed her. "So how could you tell?"

"You could barely get a word out. You sounded like rain man," she answered and they both chuckled softly. "So what were you thinking when you first saw me?"

"That you definitely filled out in all the right places," he winked at her.

"You are such an ass, if I could move I would hit you right…ahhh," she gasped.

"Lots of pressure Olivia," the doctor told her.

Olivia took deep breaths as the doctors started to tug at her.

"Keep…talking," she choked out.

"I also thought about how at that moment I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that you forgave me because I was never going to be out of your life again," he said getting emotional. "I love you Olivia."

"And here she..comes," the nurse announced with the blanket held out. Elliot stood up to see over the curtain and before Olivia could ask if everything was ok she heard it. She heard her daughter cry.

"It's a girl. Delivery time 7:49 pm. Here's a peek mom."

Olivia started sobbing gazing up at her child. She then looked over to Elliot whose eyes were fixated on the baby. "She's so beautiful Liv,"

"Is she ok?" she asked the nurse.

"She is perfect we are going to take her right over here and get her cleaned up and checked out. Dad do you want to come cut the umbilical cord?"

"Liv—"

"Go. Go with her," she insisted.

While the nurses tended to the baby with Elliot next to the incubator she laid still on the operating table as the doctors worked to close her up. She shut her eyes and thanked God, the first time she can remember doing that in her life. While her faith in God or any kind of higher power had always been shaky because of the things she witnessed on a daily basis, she knew that having her daughter was a miracle.

Her daughter with Elliot.

She still couldn't quite believe it as she continued to listen to her cry in the background.

She heard the nurse calling out the stats. "She is 6 pounds 7 ounces, and 20 inches long. Lots of hair here Mom and some good lungs. Does she have a name?"

"Charlotte," she heard Elliot say softly.

"That's a beautiful name. Welcome to the world Charlotte. Here's your daddy," the nurse said holding the swaddled baby out to Elliot

He furiously wiped at his tears before taking his daughter in his arms. He rocked her slowly while she continued to whimper softly starting to settle down.

"Hi sweetheart. I'm your daddy," he whispered, a stray tear sliding down his cheek. "Let's go and meet your mommy."

Olivia sniffled seeing Elliot holding the baby and bringing her over.

He gently held the baby to her chest and she leaned over and kissed her daughter on the forehead.

"Oh my gosh, look at all this hair," she exclaimed laughing and crying at the same time.

"Clearly she doesn't get that from me," he kidded. "She's perfect. Thank you," he said and kissed her again on the lips.

Charlotte finally quieted down with both her parents close and slowly opened her eyes. That's when Olivia saw them. Those patented blue eyes that for years saw into her soul and read every emotion she was feeling without saying were now staring back at her. She had her father's eyes.

XXXX

"I want to hold her too. Dad Dickie is hogging the baby," Eli whined. Dickie held Charlotte with Lucy and Lizzie close by fawning over her. It had been a couple of hours since Olivia was moved into a room, a pretty large one thankfully considering how many people were there to see them.

"Ok ok, everyone will get a turn," Elliot insisted standing behind Eli and putting his hand on his shoulder to soothe him. "You guys do know she is ours, she's not rented and she's not going anywhere. You have all the time in the world with her ok squirt?"

"Ok dad but he needs to hurry up," he huffed. Elliot stood close by while Charlotte was held by each of her siblings.

Meanwhile, Don pulled up a stool next to Olivia who was drinking water.

"I can't believe you are still here," she said yawning and he tucked her blanket close to her.

"I'm headed out. I wasn't going to leave until I had a chance to see my granddaughter," he began putting his hand over hers. "So..my little Olivia had a baby. Elliot's baby. Wow," he shook his head in disbelief with a tight smile and she chuckled back. "She's absolutely gorgeous but I wouldn't expect anything different."

"Yes she is and thank you for…just everything." He gave her a hug and gave Elliot a quick pat on the back before leaving.

The door opened again and Munch, Casey, Alex and Fin entered. Munch went over to see the baby who was starting to cry in Maureen's arms while Fin and the ladies went to check on Olivia.

"How you feeling baby girl?" Fin asked giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Ask me in a few hours when the painkillers wear off," she joked. "Did you guys get a chance to see her?"

Casey gave her a hug as well. "Yeah we saw her when she was in the nursery. Elliot pointed her out. He stood there while they did all of the tests."

"Oh yeah he hasn't left her side for a minute," Alex added.

Olivia smiled glancing over to the other side of the room where Elliot was putting Charlotte in Munch's arms.

"We are going to get out of here and let you guys get some rest," Casey proposed motioning to Alex and Fin.

"If you need anything," Fin offered.

"I know, thank you and thank you again for earlier," she said holding his hand a bit longer. He winked at her and said goodbye to the children before leaving.

"Ok Benson, I'm not going to cry," Alex said but quickly lost the battle. "My niece is beautiful and you did great. I can't wait to spoil her but for now I'm going to let you get some sleep. Congrats mama." She kissed her on the forehead.

"Ill see you guys tomorrow?"

"Try to stop us," she winked and Casey spoke up. "Melinda got stuck on that bad accident downtown and she couldn't get away. She said she is going to be here first thing in the morning though. No matter what, accidents be damned."

Olivia laughed sleepily, "Ok."

Munch held the baby a little longer and then left shortly after offering his babysitting services to Olivia and Elliot when Charlotte learned to walk and talk. Lizzie came over to check on Olivia while holding a cranky Noah and everyone else was still holding the baby.

"Are you ok Liv? Are you hungry? I can go and get you something from downstairs."

She snuggled closer under the covers and had Lizzie carefully position Noah next to her. He was tired and annoyed that he couldn't lay on his mom like he wanted to because she was still sore from the surgery.

"I'm fine. Come here. Come sit."

Lizzie smiled and sat on the edge of the bed next to her. "So tell me. What do you think of your little sister?"

"She's lovely and so small," she marveled. "She obviously gets all that hair from you and she has eyes like all of us. She's definitely more calm out here than she was in your belly," she laughed. "She hasn't cried much or anything."

Olivia took her hand and held it while they watched Elliot take the baby back from Lucy's arm. "Thank you for getting your dad here on time. I know it was you that called the case agent."

Lizzie hesitated for a brief moment and then leaned down to give her a hug. "It was no problem. Look at him he's so happy. Thank you."

She eyed her dad again and saw his face lighting up holding her baby sister. "He has barely put her down since she's been born."

Olivia watched him in admiration. "No he hasn't."

The door opened and everyone was shocked to see Kathy walk in.

"Mom, you're here," Lizzie said surprised.

Kathy walked in timidly with balloons that said, "It's a girl" tied to a plant.

"I'm sorry to interrupt..I just..I just thought-"

"Would you like to hold Charlotte?" Olivia offered to Elliot's obvious astonishment.

Kathy held up her hand to protest, "Oh I shouldn't I just wanted to drop this off and I was going to take Eli home."

"Mom you should hold her. She smells good," Eli added beginning to yawn.

Elliot shook himself out of it, "Yeah Kath, here she is."

She sat the plant down and held her arms out nervously taking the baby into her arms rocking her a little as she started to stir. She walked the few steps over to Olivia and stood on one side of the bed and Elliot on the other. "Wow, she's absolutely perfect. She looks a lot like you Olivia."

"But she has the patented Stabler blue eyes," Maureen inserted waddling over and standing next to her mom.

"They told me about the middle name being Kathleen. I'm speechless. Thank you for doing that, Kathy said while continuing to gently rock Charlotte.

"You're welcome but it was my pleasure. It was the perfect middle name," Olivia assured her.

"Charlotte Kathleen Stabler. That's a big name for such a little girl," Kathy commented handing her to Olivia when she started to whimper. "Thanks for letting me holding her."

"Well I was one of the first to hold Eli when he was born so I figured you should be one of the first to hold her," she said reaching out to take Kathy's hand. "And thank you for getting us to the hospital."

"Anytime." Kathy gave her a polite smile and rounded up Eli who put up a fuss wanting to stay. She assured him that he would see the baby when she came home in a couple of days and he eventually gave in leaving with Kathy.

Elliot picked up Noah who was starting to get antsy in the bed next to Olivia. "What do you think of your sister champ?" he asked holding him close to the baby.

"Baby," he said again.

"Yes, the baby is no longer in Mommy's tummy," she explained. "Do you want to give her a kiss?

He nodded his head shyly and bent down and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Charlotte started to cry and they could tell she was hungry.

"Ok guys it is pretty late and Olivia is going to feed the baby. It's time to call it a night and Noah is almost down for the count," Elliot announced. He helped Noah lean over to give Olivia a kiss and say goodbye before handing him over to Lucy. The kids begrudgingly obliged, gathering their belongings and saying goodbye to their sister.

They each gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek and left the room. "Bye Liv, call me if you need anything," Lizzie said before leaving the room last.

"I will. Thanks sweetie."

The nurse came in again quickly right after the kids left to check on them and take some vitals. The room was finally quiet and Olivia positioned herself accordingly to start breastfeeding the baby. Elliot helped her get comfortable and put a pillow under her arm to help her get the right leverage. It took a few minutes but Charlotte finally latched on and began to nurse.

"Does it hurt?" Elliot asked observing them both closely.

"A little," Olivia winced, "but it's just amazing. I can't believe she's here. I mean I feel like I was pregnant forever but..I can't believe she's here." She was overwhelmed with emotion watching her daughter nurse and basking in the tranquility she felt. The day felt like a whirlwind and as the clock neared midnight she thought about how much had happened in just one day and how they conceived one child while celebrating another

Elliot rubbed his hands down his face, obviously exhausted but his eyes never left the baby.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked him relaxing against her pillow.

"Actually I was thinking about Ken Turner."

"Ken Turner?" Olivia asked confused. "What in the world made you think of him?

He scooted in a little closer to her leaning over her legs to stroke Charlotte's brown hair while she continued to nurse.

"I don't think I ever told you this but when I was interrogating him he told me that he knew I wanted to bang you, watch you grow swollen with my child and that you would give me beautiful babies," he smirked. "I guess he was right."

She smirked back at him. "I guess he was."

Charlotte continued to nurse and they watched her in blissful silence, each consumed with the sight of her and taking in every moment. When she was finished, they both helped to change her and passed each other small smiles at their teamwork. Elliot got her bag and Olivia took out another nightgown, cap and a blanket. After she changed her into the new clothes, Elliot put Charlotte in his lap. Her little body rested against his knees while Olivia rested her head on his shoulders.

They couldn't help themselves playing with her fingers and toes, taking inventory of every little part of her and commenting on what looked her and what looked like him. She had Olivia's hair, lips and long fingers and toes. Her eyes and skin were like Elliot's and her unmistakable pout when she cried was very much Stabler. It was the same pout he had seen on all his kids and the memory overjoyed him.

"So you've had some time with her. What do you think?" she asked him.

"Ehh, I think we will keep her," he joked. She laughed softly and kissed his shoulder. "I think I have always worried about every single child of mine every second of every day, but if this little girl is half the woman her mommy is, I know she's going to be just fine."

He kissed her on the forehead and then on the lips before groaning.

"Mmmm, Six weeks. Six weeks," he repeated to her delight.

"Yes six weeks, no funny business," she clarified smiling but took his mouth against hers again. "I know it's going to be hard."

"Literally," he joked and she laughed but winced a little from the pain.

She started to yawn and was struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Liv, get some sleep. You've had quite a day," Elliot said picking up Charlotte and putting her over his shoulder.

"You're right, I'm exhausted I just want to take in every second with her," she admitted.

"Do you need any more pain meds, water or anything?"

"No, the nurse gave me a dose last time she was in here, I'm fine. I'm going to go ahead and go to sleep," she yawned again closing her eyes. "Will you lay with me?"

"Sure, let me put her in the bassinet."

He carefully pulled the hospital bassinet closer to the bed and grabbed the blanket from the bed wrapping it around Charlotte. He toed off his shoes and cuddled next to Olivia careful not to hurt her, still keeping his eye on the baby. It took him a moment to notice the writing on the blanket. It was the same one that Kathy had given Olivia at the wedding with "Kathleen" stitched in the front.

Olivia slept peacefully wrapped in him while Charlotte slept peacefully wrapped in a piece of her sister's memory. And for the second time since finding out about Olivia's pregnancy, Elliot looked up to the heavens and thanked Kathleen for watching out for the life of his wife and daughter.

A/N: FINALLY. Charlotte is here…so you know what that means. This one will be coming to an end soon. Hope the wait was worth it and I hope you guys didn't worry that Elliot wouldn't make it. I'm not that cruel ;-)


	68. In the Quiet Chaos

Chapter 68: In the Quiet Chaos

The following weeks after Charlotte's birth were hectic at the Stabler household. Due to the C-section, Olivia couldn't climb stairs so she, Elliot and the baby settled in the guest bedroom downstairs. She felt guilty having Noah upstairs away from her even though either Lizzie or Lucy was sleeping up there. They tried to have Noah in the room with them for a few days but he kept waking up cranky when the baby would cry so that plan was quickly halted.

Eli wanted to spend more time at their house because he wanted to be near his baby sister and although she suspected that Kathy had a problem with it, nothing was ever said. He spent one full week there before it was Elliot who decided they needed to go back to the regular schedule. He said that it was for Eli's sake that his routine shouldn't be broken up but she suspected that he did it for Kathy's sake as well.

All of the kids were a huge help, including Eli who took his job of being a big brother very seriously. He comforted Noah when he would cry for Olivia's attention when she was nursing Charlotte and did a great job distracting him with toys or games. He also helped with throwing away diapers and grabbing anything Olivia or Elliot needed when they were tending to the baby.

They had a little trouble finding their groove in the beginning. Olivia had never had a newborn before and although she was used to sleeping light because of the nature of her job, she found herself frustrated at not being able to move around as much as she would like because she was still sore from her surgery. When Charlotte would cry in the middle of the night because she was hungry, Elliot would jump to get her from the bassinet and bring her to Olivia to nurse. It was a big help to her but she also knew that it was his way of getting another chance to hold her.

As she suspected, Charlotte was a total daddy's girl. She caught Elliot on several occasions watching her while she slept and even though she warned him not to get her too spoiled, there were very few times that Charlotte was awake that she was not in her daddy's arms.

Their home had become a revolving door of people, especially the kids. Maureen was in the last leg of her pregnancy and since Jason worked long hours she was going back and forth between Olivia and Elliot's and Kathy's house. Lizzie's last semester had started and although she had an apartment she was at their house more often than not helping with the kids and just hanging out. Everyone had come by to visit including the squad, Alex, Casey and Melinda. When they had to take Charlotte for her first doctor's visit, Munch offered to stay home with Noah and Eli. She and Elliot were both in tears laughing when they returned home two hours later after grabbing lunch to see that he had both boys on the couch next to him talking about the importance of privacy and that big brother was always watching. They arrived just in time to stop him from lecturing them on why monogamy was a farce and the disaster of marriage although he had been married four times.

Olivia was starting to be more mobile, in less pain and required less assistance than she did in the beginning. In the quiet chaos of their household, she was beginning to feel like everything was getting back to normal. Their house was still frequented by visitors but they had gotten into a routine. Her time with the baby was mostly spent in the mornings. Once they relocated back to their master bedroom upstairs, she would get up bright and early before everyone was awake and nurse. She reveled in the feeling of breastfeeding and the connection it made her feel to her child. Charlotte would hold on tightly to her finger while she nursed and would watch her mom with those same curious blue eyes as her dad until she started to doze off again towards the end of her feeding. That's when Olivia would examine almost every part of her. Touching her little fingers and toes, rubbing her hands gently through her mop of brown hair and caressing her cheek with her index finger. She was utterly amazed by the tiny human being that she and Elliot created. Elliot would wake up and eventually catch her in the act and could do nothing but smile and laugh to himself.

"What?" she asked already grinning at being caught redhanded.

He reached for the baby and kissed Olivia on her forehead. "You know she is real? Am I going to have to give you the same speech I gave Eli? She's not rented or going anywhere. She's ours and she's real."

She lightly tapped his arm in return. "I know that but sometimes it's just hard to believe you know?"

He smiled in response and held Charlotte a little longer before putting her down in her bed. "I know. I guess I'm a little guilty too," he admitted leaning against the bed railing and staring down at her.

"I'm glad you copped to it because I was going to call you out," Olivia teased leaning next to him. "I see you doing the same thing when you have her at nights during your bedtime ritual."

He popped his head up in surprise at her admission and looked a little embarrassed.

"It's ok, El," she whispered softly and kissed him on the lips. "I think it's really sweet."

She laid her head on his shoulder and they watched Charlotte sleep peacefully. "We should really enjoy this time."

"Why do you say that?" he asked pulling up the baby's blanket over her to make sure she was warm.

"Both of the kids are sleeping and the sun is up. That doesn't happen very often."

Elliot stood up and pulled her into him by holding on to the sides of her robe. "Is she six to eight weeks old yet?"

She smirked as he kissed her cheek and moved down slowly to her neck. "Not in front of the baby El"

"She's sleeping," he mumbled against her neck. "Plus there's nothing wrong with kids seeing their parents be affectionate."

Olivia started to feel the goosebumps form on her skin and moaned at him sucking the spot on her neck. "Why do you start something you know we can't finish?"

"Because I've always been glutton for punishment." He rubbed gently against the underside of her breasts knowing they were tender. "Am I hurting you? Are you still in pain?"

"No," she whispered. "But we have to stop."

He groaned and quickly pulled back from her. "I'm sorry."

She put her arms around him and gave him a quick chaste kiss. "It's ok. Trust me this is as hard for me as it is for you."

"Somehow I don't think that's the case," he grinned and looked down at his bulging erection.

"You are utterly ridiculous," she laughed. "Just few more weeks baby. Hang in there. It will be worth the wait I promise."

"It always is," he said pulling her by the hand out of the nursery before sneaking one more look at Charlotte.

It was almost 8am and a little surprising that the house was still quiet. Lucy and Noah were still sleeping.

"Can I interest you in some breakfast?" he offered as they walked down the stairs.

"Sure."

He led her to a chair where she watched him begin to make eggs, bacon and toast. After a few minutes of watching she couldn't help herself and went to the kitchen wrapping her arms around his waist as he scrambled the eggs.

He smiled and leaned back slightly into her. "Mrs. Stabler you should be sitting down."

"No I shouldn't. I've laid around enough for a lifetime. I can move around now and I'm not in pain so I want to enjoy it. Don't worry I'm not going to go for any runs or go the gym and workout or anything before I'm supposed to."

He finished up the eggs and turned around to hug her before reaching for the bread. "Well that's good to hear because the first work out you get will have nothing to do with a gym," he countered winking at her.

"You are such a horndog. Honestly Stabler, you have quite the sex drive. How on earth did you survive your two year separation?" she joked.

"How do you figure I didn't have sex during those two years?"

Olivia stopped suddenly and her face gave her away. She tried to fix it but he was already on to her.

"Liv?"

"It's nothing. I mean did you have sex?"

"No I didn't but how did you seem to know that already? And don't tell me you just assumed because you accused me of having sex with Dani the night I first met Noah," he quipped with a huge grin on his face showing her that he wasn't really upset.

Olivia was silent trying to come up with an answer when she heard the door open.

"Good Morning," Lizzie said gleefully as she walked through the door.

Elliot eyed her knowingly. "Well I believe the answer to that question just walked in."

"El don't," she began. "Don't say anything."

He couldn't help but get a kick out of the genuine worry on her face.

"It's fine Liv," he clarified. "Do you think I'm honestly concerned that you know the only two women I've slept with were my wives? That's kind of silly to be mad over don't you think?"

"Well wouldn't be the first time," she deadpanned. He walked away leaving her in the kitchen to greet Lizzie. "You seem like you are in a good mood."

Lizzie blushed, "Yeah just—you know. Happy to see you guys."

Olivia grinned knowingly and kissed her on the forehead gently stroking her long blonde hair. She knew that at some point in the past few weeks Lizzie had sex with Dean for the first time. She couldn't pinpoint when it happened but knew it did. "We're happy to see you too sweetie."

Lizzie gave her a grateful smile realizing that more than likely Olivia was on to her but didn't question her about it.

"And everything's ok?" Olivia asked. Everything meant a lot of things. Did you guys use protection? Has he blown you off or acted differently since it happened? Do you regret it?"

Lizzie picked up on the implication. "Everything's fine Liv, I promise."

"Good."

On cue Noah began to cry.

"Ill go get him," Lizzie offered.

Elliot came around the corner with orange juice in his hand for Olivia. He took a sip of it and handed it to her. She instantly smiled thinking back to the first year of their partnership when he did the same thing. "No need. Lucy is here and I heard her moving around up there," he answered walking back towards the kitchen. "So how's Dean?"

Lizzie stopped cold looking at Olivia. Olivia quickly shook her head to let her know she didn't say anything and watched to make sure Elliot's back was still turned.

"Umm he's fine. We are going to dinner later."

"Good. Things seem to be getting serious. Do I need to invite him over and have a little talk with him about his intentions?"

She looked horrified. "Dad no! Don't you dare!"

"I think I should. Someone gets serious with my baby girl he needs to know that you are special and that he can't treat you like any of these other college girls around here," Elliot replied sternly. "Now give me his number. I think I should start inviting him to church with us too."

Lizzie looked dismayed and reached for her phone to call Dean like someone had just sentenced her to the death penalty. Elliot winked at Olivia who was standing off to the side looking just as mortified as Lizzie to let her know he was just joking.

"Dad I'm begging you please don't do this," she complained.

"Well it's the least I could do for you discussing my past sex life with my wife," he said seriously before morphing his mouth into a huge grin.

Lizzie took a moment to recognize what was going on and looked back and forth between them before breathing a sigh of relief.

"I can't believe you! I was freaking out!"

Elliot and Olivia laughed while Lizzie huffed and folded her arms. "Plus it isn't much to tell clearly."

"Oh I'm wounded," he replied holding his chest in mock disgust taking a seat next to Olivia.

His phone rang and he got up to answer it. "It's Kathy," he announced looking at the caller id. "Hey Kath….Now?...ok let me get dressed…I'll meet you there."

Lizzie watched him anxiously until he hung up. "Is it Mo? Are the babies coming?"

"Looks like you will be an aunt today. You coming with me?" he asked running to the coat closet.

Olivia felt a pang of disappointment when he didn't ask if she would be coming along but figured she may be intruding.

Lucy came down the stairs with Noah in hand. "Dickie just called. He said Maureen is in labor."

"Mama," the little boy whined reaching for Olivia.

"Careful," Elliot warned. She still wasn't supposed to be lifting on anything heavier than Charlotte.

"I can hold him Elliot just not lift him up from the ground. I'm fine," she explained to him. "Lucy you can go too. I'm fine here alone."

Elliot's head shot up in disapproval. "Absolutely not. You can't even lift up on Noah alone and what if the baby wakes up? Why won't you just come with us? Lucy can stay with them."

"Yeah of course," Lucy assured her.

Olivia was happy that he included her but decided it wasn't for the best.

"See it's decided. I don't have time to argue with you, they are going to be at the hospital soon," he said opening the door.

"Then don't argue. Lucy has been helping Maureen with Lamaze, she should be there."

Elliot was irritated. "Lucy and Liz can you take Noah into the kitchen for a quick second?"

She let out a deep breath knowing what was coming. "Liv I'm in a hurry, please don't pull the I'm fine routine on me today. Why aren't you coming to the hospital? You said you were feeling ok."

"I am. I—just."

"Spit it out Liv," he said looking at his watch growing more and more aggravated.

"You and Kathy are going to become grandparents today. Your first grandchildren. You should experience that…together."

Elliot sighed realizing what she was saying and quickly softened. He loved her for thinking of someone other than herself first but he was troubled that she wasn't as ok with it as she seemed. "Are you sure? Maureen would want you there."

"Ill visit her tomorrow I promise but today, she needs to see her parents there with her when she has her children and she needs her sister and her Lamaze coach."

He glanced at Noah who had started to settle down and decided he didn't have enough time to counter her.

"Ok, if you promise me that you will call someone over here to sit with you. Anybody. If you don't have someone over here in an hour, I'm calling Munch. He doesn't have much to do these days," he joked. "Come on Lucy and Lizzie let's go."

Lucy put Noah in his high chair so she wouldn't have to lift him from the ground and they barreled out of the door.

"One hour Liv," Elliot warned before rushing out of the door.

Olivia went to the kitchen fixing Noah some juice and was about to call Don or Casey when Nick called.

"Hey," she answered quickly.

"Hey sorry to call you so early," he apologized. "I was trying to find your notes on the Raymond case but couldn't find anything. Are they in your desk?"

"Yeah they should be…oh wait no. I have those here. I was going to—"

"It's fine Liv. Ill be there to get them. Fin and I were going to meet Barba in a few hours for a meeting anyway. This is the perfect excuse for us to sneak out," he whispered.

She chuckled at him. "Are you sure your boss is okay with that?"

"Well my real boss is not here and you know I'm no fan of Murphy. Him and Wonder boy can hold down the fort for a few hours. Plus we want to visit anyway. See you soon."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. Having Fin and Nick come by would buy her a little time to find someone who could come stay with her until Elliot came back.

Charlotte started whimpering shortly after she hung up the phone. She took off to go get her before she looked over at Noah who was watching her intently. She realized this was the first time she had been left alone with both of the children and wasn't sure if she should leave Noah down there by himself.

"Shit, why did we have to buy a house with stairs," she cursed to herself while watching Noah and listening to Charlotte's cries grow louder. "Ok. Just—just be a good boy for mommy I'll be right back ok? Don't move."

He nodded his head and continued to eat his cheerios while she walked up the stairs as fast as she could careful to not overdo it. She picked up the baby and tried to calm her before heading back down the stairs in under two minutes.

"Noah you ok?" she asked while rocking Charlotte back and forth.

He shook his head again and continued to watch her in mild amusement.

The baby needed to be changed so she went to the living room and ran around the living room gathering everything she needed.

"Ok little girl let's get your diaper changed."

Fin and Nick arrived a half hour later to see a somewhat flustered Olivia rocking Charlotte while Noah's high chair was pushed in the living room near the TV so she wouldn't have to put him on the ground and not be able to lift him up. She had some of his toys on the high chair tray and he played with them silently while watching cartoons.

"Heyyyyy Liv," Fin said as he entered taking in the scene around him.

Nick gave Noah a high five but then picked him up when the tot reached for him. "Umm how's everything going?"

Olivia looked up from the baby to see the Cheshire grins on both of their faces and was not amused.

"I'm glad you two are getting a kick out of this. Remember that when I'm your boss again in a couple of months," she quipped.

Fin held out his arms to her and she gave him the baby. She sat down in the chair and blew out a deep breath.

"Tired?" Fin asked while making funny faces at Charlotte.

She rolled her eyes and waved him off, "Oh no not at all."

Olivia held her head in her hands trying to regain her composure. "I have to say this is a lovely sight," she admitted watching both men sooth her children in the living room. "Fin you are a natural. She loves her Uncle Fin."

Fin beamed at the compliment. "One day you will realize that all females can't resist my charm."

"Well you guys keep that up, I just realized I didn't eat and I have to use the bathroom. You think you two can manage for about fifteen minutes. I know you have to meet Barba but just fifteen minutes," she rambled already making her way to the bathroom. "Will be right back."

Nick and Fin exchanged glances and smiled to one another seeing Liv the way she was. She was flustered and tired but more than anything they could tell she was happy.

XXXX

True to his word, Elliot called in exactly an hour to see if she had someone over there and found it quite comical that Nick and Fin were on kid duty. She even sent him over a picture of the both of them with the kids in the living room. They were able to stay until their meeting with Barba and then she called Don over. He was more than happy to spend time with his grandkids and as the day went on she got used to caring for them by herself, only asking Don to pitch in when she needed help lifting Noah.

"So is it all you thought it would be?" he asked her with a tight smile. They were sitting on the sofa while both the kids napped.

She snickered crossing her legs and leaning her head back. "Yeah I guess it kinda is."

"How is Elliot handling having a newborn again?"

"Better than me actually," she smiled to herself thinking of how sweet he is with her. "When he's with her he just-lights up."

Don returns her smile, "kind of like you are doing right now?"

"Yeah I guess so. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I never thought I would have two young kids at my age. I hope we have the stamina to get through this," she admitted.

He gave her a comforting pat on the back. "Somehow you two always make it work. You will be just fine."

Don and Olivia are discussing one of their old cases, reliving memories when a tired but genial Elliot walks through the door.

"Hey, you're home," she announced going to greet him before he made his way to the kitchen. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and picked up a half asleep Noah who was reaching for him.

"I hear you have a new granddaughter and grandson. That's something else," Don said shaking his hand at the news that Elliot called Olivia with an hour before.

"Yes. Miss Violet Anne and Mr. Caleb Joseph are 5 lbs 2 ounces and 5 lbs 4 ounces respectively," he announces proudly.

She is happy to see him so proud. "Love the names. How is Maureen doing?"

"Well she insisted on not finding out the sexes beforehand, so finding out it was a girl and a boy she was grateful to have one of each until Dickie said something and he and Lizzie started fighting and she suddenly got a glimpse of her future," he joked continuing to rock Noah who is slowly going to sleep on his daddy's shoulder. "Our girl already sleeping?"

"Yes but don't worry, she will be up soon. I need to feed her in an hour," she answered.

"Ok good. Let me go and put this one down," he says turning to head for the stairs.

"Well I should get going," Don announced. "Eileen has dinner waiting."

"Thank you so much for coming," Olivia said reaching out to hug him.

"Yes thank you for keeping an eye on this crazy household of mine while I was gone," Elliot added before disappearing upstairs.

"You know I'm here anytime you need me," he begins squeezing Olivia's hand. "Anytime. I mean that."

"I know. Thanks again."

Olivia is warming up dinner for Elliot when he comes down the stairs twenty minutes later after putting Noah down and taking a quick shower.

"So everything went ok today?"

She spares him the details although she can tell from the smirk on his face that he has an idea. "It was just fine."

He tried to hide his grin but failed miserably. "Oh really now? You sure about that Stabler?"

She rolled her eyes at him and slapped him on the arm. "You get on my nerves sometimes you know that," she admits kissing him on the lips and putting a plate down in front of him.

"I know," he responded and kissed her again. "But it wasn't as easy as you thought it would be right?"

"No it's not. Ok? I admit it. I was a little rattled by the time Nick and Fin got here but in my defense it is my first time having them by myself and not being able to lift Noah makes it harder too," she defends.

Elliot puts his hands up in surrender. "You don't have to defend yourself to me. Honestly I just wanted you to see that's why I didn't want to leave you alone today. It wasn't just me being my normal overprotective jackass self." She eyed him mockingly. "Ok ok well not completely."

"Thank you for at least admitting it."

He continued to eat his food while she straightened up the kitchen. "Liv why don't you come sit down? You've had a long day I can take care of that."

"You're doing it again," she warned in a sing song voice. "I am fine. I know how to say when it's all too much."

Now it's his turn to eye her speculatively.

"Ok well maybe sometimes I don't but it's really fine. I need to get used to all of this. I'm starting to feel like myself again and need to get in the routine of things."

He looked up from his plate with a mischievous grin on his face. "So would this routine of things include you straightening up the kitchen in some sort of revealing French maid costume?" he asks wiggling his eyebrows. "When the kids are sleep of course."

"I hate to break it to you Stabler but after the long day I've had if they continue to be like this it's not looking good. I'm tired I need to shower and I'll have to feed her soon so the last thing on my mind is trying to be sexy."

He rolled his eyes. "And so it begins."

She slapped him on the arm and continued to clean while he laughed.

"So what were you and Don talking about when I walked in? Sounds like you guys were reliving some of the good times."

"Well I guess it's hard to call our cases good times but there were some that stood out. Remember the guy who was sodomized with a banana? Poor bastard. And when I got in trouble because I wouldn't leave that pop star's kid alone?"

He shook his head laughing at the recollections.

"Ahh man I remember that. Ashley was wearing you out calling all times of the day and night. I wonder how she's doing now."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders and continued. "We talked about the male stripper case too. You were highly pissed about that one and so rude to that poor guy," she reminded him.

"I mean I obviously have a different thought on it now but at the time I just couldn't see why he wouldn't want to be tied up with three beautiful women who wanted to have sex," he said winking at her to show he was joking. "One of them looked just like Casey too. Small world."

"How about when Porter turned against us and we set him up using me as bait," she adds to Elliot's obvious disgust.

"His stupid ass," he retorts bitterly. "That's one case I would like not to remember. You having to fake a date with him and all that just so we could get to Terri Baines."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at him.

"What? Admit it Liv the guy was a loser."

"I think everyone knew you thought he was a loser. Could you have been more obvious about your feelings towards him?" she teased.

He rolls his eyes again and heads to the sink to dump his plate. "I wasn't that bad I was just trying to solve a case."

"Oh please. He asked me to call him and you acted a fool about that and let's not even discuss that stunt you pulled when he offered me a ride home," she added smiling at the obvious jealousy he showed even back then.

"I thought he was talking to me so I told him I was good and no thanks. I was trying to be polite," he grins putting his arms around his waist.

"If that's what you want to believe then fine but we both know better. You didn't want me to go with him."

"I knew the guy was bad news and was trying to look out for you."

She lifted her eyebrow. "And that's all it was? I mean you have me now Stabler may as well be honest."

"Fine. You seemed like you had an interest in the guy and I just couldn't stand the thought of you going home with him. What if you invited him up or something and then slept with him?"

"And what if I did? I was single he was single, we were both adults," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and drowning herself in his scent.

He started to tense a little. "Don't start Olivia. You know I can't stand the thought of anyone else's hands on you. Even back then."

"You are such a guy," she laughs into his neck. "You did whatever you wanted and you expected me to just sit at home and pine over you."

"No I didn't," he countered. "You could've stood, went out for a run, went down to the grocery store and still pine over me. I thought it was quite a simple concept."

She backed away from him playfully, "And on that note."

He pulled her back swaying back and forth and she relaxed in his arms. He thought about how he wanted this every night. The banter, the chatter, the affection even the chaos.

"I got another one for you," she said interrupting his thoughts. "Remember when I almost quit because of the girl I didn't believe that she had been kidnapped and other people got hurt. Can you imagine what it would've been like if I left?"

"I would've never let you leave." He buries his nose in her hair and pulls her closer.

"Even after you practically accused me of killing the perp?"

He scoffed and blew her off. "I never accused you. Just asked you a few pointed questions."

She rolled her eyes at him again. "Whatever. Her and her mom were about to drive me crazy though. The back and forth on who actually killed the guy."

"Well her mom wanted to avenge what happened to her. Not such a crazy concept," he insisted.

"She should've just let us handle it. We had him."

He pulled back from her suddenly growing stern. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah I'm serious."

"Liv, this guy kidnapped and raped her daughter repeatedly," he began searching her eyes to see what he saw there. "When someone hurts the one you love….it just…you want to hurt them. You want them to suffer," he said clinching his teeth.

Olivia saw his eyes turn dark and felt his muscles tense beneath her. She lowered her voice and stroked his cheek softly. "I know. I know. I'm sorry I didn't mean-," she started struggling to find the right words. "But good thing El is we don't have that to worry about. Lewis is dead and Harris is in jail. Ok? They've both suffered and we are moving on with our lives."

He took a few minutes letting the words sink in and she could feel him visibly relaxing underneath her touch.

"Ok?" she asked him again.

"Ok," he said nodding his head and kissing her.

Charlotte started to cry and she let go of him to go and get her.

"No let me, I'll get her and bring her down."

He hurried up the stairs and Olivia stood in the kitchen a moment pondering the exchange. She worried that maybe they were regressing with the spirits of Lowell Harris and William Lewis still lingering but she realized that those events just like the cases they discussed now would never go away. They will always be bubbling underneath the surface somewhere and as long as it didn't spill over into their everyday life she was ok with that. She was happy.

XXXX

Coming up: Liv's recovery time is over…wonder what that means


	69. It's the End

Chapter 69: It's the End

It seemed like a good idea at the time. When Lizzie forced him and Dickie to 'volunteer' to watch Noah, Charlotte and the twins with Eli's help, he thought it wouldn't be as bad as it seemed and it was for a good cause. Maureen was exhausted from watching the twins so Lizzie suggested that she, Olivia and Lucy take Maureen out for a day on the town. That day consisted of mani-pedis, lunch and a little shopping. They promised they would only be gone for a few hours and since he's raised five children and had Dickie by his side, Elliot thought he was more than up for the challenge….

He thought wrong.

"Dad-dy, juice," Noah whined holding his cup up to his dad who was rocking a crying Charlotte.

Elliot groaned in exasperation. Noah had been asking for juice for the last five minutes and wouldn't take no for an answer. He had to give his son credit. He was very persistent and wouldn't give up until he got what he wanted.

"Dickie, can you please get him some juice?"

Dickie huffed placing Violet in her car seat, "In case you haven't noticed my hands are a little full. As soon as I get one of them quiet, the other starts crying."

Eli ran forward with his hand in the air. "I can help dad. I can get Noah's juice."

Under normal circumstances, Elliot would never let Eli handle any kind of liquid in the kitchen especially having to pour it himself but he didn't have a choice. If he stopped the consistent rocking motion he had going with Charlotte, she would just get louder and possibly wake up one of the babies.

"Ok buddy, I'm going to go in there with you and watch you every step of the way. Come on."

Eli ran to the kitchen proud that he was given something to do. Elliot watched closely and gave him orders to pour the juice slowly and tie the top back on it tightly. When he was done he held the cup up triumphantly. "See I told you dad. Here you go Noah."

Noah took the cup and walked back over to the living room to his toys.

"You did a good job. How about you do me one more favor? Play quietly with your brother while I go try and put your sister down for a nap," he asked softly. "She's a little cranky."

"You got it. I'll go play blocks with him," he said walking back to Noah who was taking all of his toys out of the toy box.

Elliot walked towards the stairs and was stopped by a frantic Dickie. "Hey where are you going? "

"I'm going to try and put her to sleep," he explained.

"You can't leave me alone with both of them," Dickie complained. "Take Violet with you. She's almost asleep anyway. I'm trying to get Caleb there."

"Let me calm your sister down first and then I will come back for Violet."

Dickie nodded his head at the plan and went back to feeding Caleb.

Noah and Eli were starting to play too loud so he walked towards the foyer feeding the baby while keeping a close eye on his niece who thankfully hadn't woken up with the noise. By the time Caleb finished his bottle, Elliot was on his way down to collect Violet and put her in the nursery with Charlotte.

"Ok, try and put him to sleep while I get her down," he tiptoed past him keeping his granddaughter in her car seat so as not to wake her. "And say a little prayer that they all stay sleep and don't cry and wake each other up," he whispered to Dickie on his way back up the stairs.

Dickie couldn't help but snicker and shake his head. It had only been two hours since the girls had been gone and he had a feeling with all of them together that a couple of hours was going to turn into the whole day. As much as he hated to admit it since he gave his dad a hard time about babysitting, he enjoyed the fact that there was such a sense of family again.

Noah's cries quickly broke that thought.

"What's wrong with him?" Dickie harshly whispered to Eli trying not to wake Caleb who was dozing off.

Eli rolled his eyes. "I don't know he's just grouchy. I think he misses Olivia or he needs a nap."

"Shit not him too," Dickie cursed to himself.

Eli frowned and put his hands over Noah's ears. "Watch your mouth in front of the kids. Mom told you about that."

Dickie laughed at Eli suddenly forgetting that he was one of the kids.

He looked around the room panicking as Noah's whining got louder.

"What's the plan?" Eli asked annoyed.

"Ok grab his blanket and go lay down with him in there. Just for a little bit," he said nodding his head toward the guest bedroom. He was expecting Eli to complain, never one to be a fan of naps but surprisingly he complied.

"Come on Noah," Eli agreed grabbing his blanket with one hand and taking Noah's hand with the other.

Dickie followed them in case he needed help getting Noah on the bed but he didn't. Once they laid down, he shut the door and stood near it to see if he would hear any crying. Instead he heard Eli trying to soothe him. "It's ok. Let's just lay down. Your mom will be back soon."

Dickie smiled at the exchange and looked down at Caleb who was close to being sleep as well. He looked over the living room and kitchen and saw that the entire downstairs was a complete mess. The twins came with a lot of gear. Maureen overpacked since she was so nervous about leaving them alone for just the second time since they were born. Noah's toys were always all over the place and Charlotte had her share of equipment as well. There were empty bottles with labels on them on the coffee table so they were certain to not mix Maureen and Olivia's breast milk. The ladies didn't find it funny when Dickie made a joke that it all came from the same place and wouldn't be a big deal if the bottles were mixed up. The house looked like a crime scene and he laughed at the irony. He and Elliot were completely outnumbered.

"What's so funny?" Elliot whispered tiptoeing into the living room.

Dickie shook his head and looked back down at Caleb who was now peacefully sleeping. "Nothing dad."

"Where's Noah?" he whispered again walking around like he was on a landmine.

"Eli put him down for a nap," he replied with a smile.

Elliot laughed in response and Dickie joined him. "So that's why you are laughing."

He looked around him at the mess and shook his head.

"We really are kind of pathetic hunh?" Elliot asked.

"Well they are all fed, changed and alive. Seems like a victory to me."

Elliot agreed and began to pick up a little in the living room. Dickie decided to put Caleb in another room upstairs because he tended to sleep for longer periods of time and they didn't want the girls waking him up. Once all of the kids were down, Dickie and Elliot laid back on the sofa surveying the damage.

"Should we clean all this up?" Dickie asked.

Elliot's eyes were closed and he put his feet on the coffee table trying to get comfortable. "First rule with babies. You sleep when they sleep. This mess isn't going anywhere and it looks like we won't be either for a few more hours."

He checked the baby monitor to make sure it was turned up and they both began to doze off when Dickie's phone started singing some loud, obnoxious ringtone. They both jumped up trying to quiet the phone as quick as possible.

"Hello…yeah…everyone's asleep….yeah all of them….yes they are still breathing and alive…let me ask him," he said pulling his mouth away from the phone. "Mo wants to know why you aren't answering your phone."

Elliot looked around and realized in all the chaos he couldn't find it. "Shit, I don't know where I left it."

He got up and eventually found the phone on the kitchen counter with text messages from Olivia and missed calls from Maureen and Lizzie. He quickly called her back.

"Hey," he whispered into the phone.

Olivia was annoyed at first that he wasn't answering the phone but when she heard the urgent whisper in his voice she could tell he had been running ragged.

"Hey why didn't you answer?" she asked gently.

"Sorry I-I left my phone in the kitchen and didn't realize."

"Everything going ok? How are the kids?"

"They are fine. Everyone's asleep," he said scratching the back of his head. He was exhausted and really wanted to be sleeping as well. "So umm how much longer are you guys going to be gone?"

Olivia started to laugh and he couldn't help but let out a tired laugh as well.

"Are they wearing you out El? We could come back as soon as we get the ticket for lunch," she offered.

"No way, we haven't gone shopping yet," Lizzie complained in the background.

He let out a huff of air. "No no, you ladies take your time. We are doing just fine," he lied looking over at Dickie who rolled his eyes at him and laid down on the couch after hanging up with Lucy.

"Are you sure?"

"I promise. We are just fine. Have fun. You deserve it, all of you do," he said genuinely.

"Thank you. We won't be out too long," she affirmed. "I love you."

He smiled sweetly, still moved every time she uttered those three words to him. "I love you too."

"Ugh," he heard Dickie groan from the couch at the affection.

"Oh please, don't think I haven't heard you uttering it under your breath when you hang up the phone with Lucy," he teased him. "Scoot over and make some room for your old man."

Dickie moved his leg and they both assumed their original positions before quickly drifting off to sleep.

XXXX

Olivia crept into the house carefully in case any of the children were asleep. Maureen had come an hour earlier to collect the twins with Lizzie and Lucy while Olivia had to run another errand. When she walked in, Dickie and Lucy were on the couch with Eli stretched across their laps. He had fallen asleep during a movie.

"Hey. Sorry it took me so long. Where's…"

They both pointed upstairs before she could finish the question.

"Mr. Stabler is up there with both of them. I think they are sleeping," Lucy explained sitting up on the sofa. "We are going to head out."

They woke up a groggy Eli and he gave Olivia a hug on his way out. "Liv, Noah's a handful," he said his voice full of sleep.

"Yes he is. Thank you for being so good with him."

He nodded his head and she shut the door behind them after saying good night.

Everything was clean which she suspected was due to Lucy and Lizzie and less because of Dickie and Elliot.

She went upstairs and opened their bedroom door and was humbled by the sight before her.

Elliot was asleep in the recliner in their room near the window with Noah asleep on one side and Charlotte bundled against his shoulder on the other side. His arm was around both of them. His mouth was partly open and he was lightly snoring. She saw the empty bottle on the small table next to the chair and figured Charlotte had just eaten so that would buy her a few hours to be alone with him. She thought to wake him to let him know she was home but stood for a few moments taking it all in.

Him with their children in his arms.

Olivia had never seen anything more beautiful.

Her heart was full and she could feel the emotions surging through her. Everything they had gone through had brought them to this moment and she felt so grateful and blessed.

She took Noah from his arms first and he flinched briefly before going back to sleep. She went down the hall to put Noah in his bed, kissing him on the forehead hoping that he would stay sleep longer than he did earlier in the day. He had only napped for about 30 mins with Eli earlier. Once he was settled she went back to collect Charlotte from him and he woke up.

"I'm so glad you are not a kidnapper because as tired as I am I think you could've gotten them both and I wouldn't have notice," he joked his voice laced with sleep.

"Well I'm glad to know I'm leaving our children in good hands," she teased giving him a quick peck on the lips. "Let me go lay her down."

After she returned from the nursery she closed and locked the bedroom door behind her. She walked over to the chair where Elliot had dozed back off and took off her shoes. She climbed onto the chair straddling her legs over his thighs and kissed him on the forehead. He slowly opened his eyes moaning and his hands instinctively went to her hips.

"Did you have a good time with the girls?"

She smiled lazily and kissed him on the lips. "I did. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back but it looks like you did a great job by yourself," she complimented him.

He smiled back at her his eyes still low, "I hate to admit it but damn they wore me out. I might actually be too old for this."

She giggled and ran her hands slowly across his abdomen kissing his neck.

"You? Too old? Never."

His answering laugh was low and she could feel the vibration from his chest beneath her hand.

Olivia continued to kiss his neck and a moaned slipped from the back of his throat. When she tenderly bit his earlobe he started to feel himself react to her and as had been the case for the past couple of months he pushed her away from him. It was still difficult for him to stop himself from getting aroused whenever she was near him or touched him. Undeterred by his actions, Olivia took his bottom lip into hers and straddled her hips wider, his semi-hard on hitting her square in between the legs causing them both to cry out.

"Liv we have to stop," he whispered trying to pull her hips away from him.

She smiled and trailed feather light kisses from his forehead to his nose and pulled him in for a deep kiss that sent desire coursing through his veins. It was the kind of kiss they made it a point to avoid because historically they always led to something more. Her fingers played with the hem of his shirt before she uttered the devastating words…."No we don't."

Elliot wavered between confusion and desire. His eyes opened to watch her for a brief second before the feelings of her hands on his hot flesh caused them to involuntarily close. "What do you mean?" he breathed into her ear his hands with a vice like grip on her hips careful to not move his hands anywhere else.

Olivia pulled back from him, her eyes hooded and a flirtatious smile slowly crossing her face. "Dr. Wilder was able to fit me in for my follow up appointment today."

It took him a minute before realization slammed into him.

Her forehead met his, their breathing beginning to get heavier.

"It's the end baby," she whispered kissing his temple and pulling out the drawstring of his sweatpants. "It's the end of holding back," she sighed against his lips, her fingers playing with the patch of hair above his now bulging erection. His breathing was labored as he digested her words. "It's the end of me not being able to make love to my husband."

Her tongue flicked against his lips, moving down to his neck and her hands stroked his length.

He started to feel his control slipping. He had been aching for her for months. To feel her touch more than superficially, to feel her warm skin against his as he rocked deep inside her. They had been so careful to avoid anything that would cause them to lose restraint but all of that control was slipping in one instant.

"Are you sure Liv? Everything's good?" he whispered urgently starting to move against her, all previous signs of fatigue gone. His hands moved up from her waist slowly dragging her shirt up with his movements.

"I'm positive," she assured him and plunged her tongue into his mouth cupping his face with both her hands and writhing against him frantically. "I want you inside me."

And that's all it took.

Elliot's restraint was lost.

He sat up instantly whipping his shirt over his head in one quick motion and pulled her shirt over her head. He wanted to be tender with her and she sensed his hesitance so she decided to up the ante.

Olivia climbed off him and stood up playing with the belt buckle on her jeans. She leisurely unhooked her belt and the buttons, observing him taking in her every movement. He watched her with a predatory gaze, his blue eyes turning almost black. She pulled her jeans down slowly over the curve of her ass and down her thighs to the floor.

She stepped out of them and leaned over him pulling down his pants and boxers freeing his bobbing erection. The sight of him made her mouth dry. Before she could crawl back on top of him he was already hauling her body back to straddle him. She saw the craving in his eyes and it spurred her on. He made quick work of the clasp on her bra still careful to be gentle with her breasts.

His fingers slid beneath the lace of her panties and his breath hitched when he felt how wet and ready she was. He teased her slick folds and buried his head in between her breasts still trying to maintain some sense of control but his days of holding back with her were long gone. For twelve years he held back, didn't touch her and maintained the thickest of boundaries. Now that he knew what it was like to feel her around him, when he touched her he had to be buried inside of her. There was no in between.

"El," Olivia moaned as one of his thick fingers penetrated her. She rocked against his finger welcoming the friction and he added a second. "Fuck me."

Her liquid heat coated his finger and he couldn't wait any longer. He tugged at her panties shredding them and positioned her over his erection. She lowered herself on to him slowly and they both let out a long moan as she felt every blessed inch of him fill her.

"Unhhhhhh. Feels so good," she whispered in his ear.

"You ok?" he rasped trying not to come from the feeling of her walls already starting clench around him.

She didn't answer him. She let her body do the talking. Without saying a word, she started to move, lifting up almost the full length of him and lowering herself back down.

He reclined the chair back so he could watch her. Her full breasts bounced slightly as she moved on him, pistoning her hips in a circular motion and her eyes rolling back in her head.

"So good," she whispered in ecstasy.

His eyes traced the length of her growling in approval at the sight of her. He watched as his length moved in and out of her and it was almost too much for him to handle. "So fucking beautiful."

Olivia's breathing started to get erratic and he could tell she was close. Her velvet walls began to close around him and he was fighting his release not wanting to come before her. He sat up suddenly wrapping his arms under hers to lock on her shoulders grinding her down on to him. Her rhythm faltered but he started a rhythm of his own, thrusting his thick cock into her. He held her against him for an extra second before he moved inside of her again. Each stroke rubbed directly against her clit and she couldn't hold on any longer.

"Shit. El I—"

Before she could finish he felt the rush of liquid coating him, which triggered his release. He maintained his furious cadence moving her against him riding out both of their orgasms as she tightened around him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck holding him close while their breathing returned to normal. He placed lazy kisses in the crux of her neck and shoulder and a few minutes passed when he eventually heard her low sexy laugh.

"What's so funny?" he asked while inhaling her intoxicating scent.

"You owe me a new pair of panties," she answered running her hands up and down his sweaty back.

He laughed in response. "It's a debt I will gladly pay."

She spread her legs wider to get more comfortable on him still reveling at the feel of him inside her.

Olivia sighed in contentment. Everything about Elliot was home to her, especially when he was inside her. "I missed you."

He tangled his hands in her hair and sluggishly slid them down the side of her landing on her waist. "I missed you too. So much."

He shifted causing her to wince a little at the discomfort.

"I wasn't too rough with you was I?" he asked concerned.

She laughed and playfully swatted his back. "I'm not made of glass I told you I'm fine."

"I know, I just don't want to hurt you."

She kissed him in response, tracing her tongue over his lower lip before taking it between her teeth. "I've never felt better. I'm glad I was able to fit in that extra errand."

"Me too," he grinned. "What do you say we finish this conversation in the shower?"

She lifted her eyebrow, "Are you saying I'm dirty Stabler?"

"Not at all," he said shifting to stand up with her wrapped around him. "And that's part of the problem. I plan to get you real dirty in the shower."

"We have to be quiet so we don't wake the kids."

"I know how to be quiet but you on the other hand," he teased slapping her naked ass and crossing the threshold of the bathroom.

"Ow," she yelped and quickly covered her mouth. "I can't help myself. You just feel so good inside me." She kissed him and started to move again. He started to harden again and she reached for the shower knobs to turn on the water. She purposely turned on the cold water and Elliot jumped in response. "Shit!" he yelled and Olivia laughed. "That's what you get."

He turned on the hot water and as soon as it was at a decent temperature he wrapped her in his arms as she settled down from her laughter. With no shoes on he had a few inches on her and he laid his head on top of hers. She felt the change in his demeanor and held on to him waiting for him to talk as the hot water from the shower coated his back.

"This is perfect," he said.

"Yes it is."

She broke their hold, grabbing the shower gel and squeezing it into a towel to rub over his body. She caressed his chest smoothing the gel into the dips and crevices of his muscular chest.

"Mhmm," he moaned at her touch. "Now why did we never try this before?"

"Because typically the second we get in the shower you immediately have me hoisted against the wall," she retorted.

"Well there is still time," he said wiggling his eyebrows.

She shook her head blowing him off and continuing to trace every part of his body with her hands in the towel. His abs were still tight, his thighs rigid. Elliot was in excellent shape and she didn't think she would ever get over her amazement at his physique. He watched her taking him in and a slow grin formed over his face.

"Are you done admiring the merchandise?"

"Merchandise? Well that would mean it's for sell wouldn't it? And it better not be."

Her hands cupped his ample ass and squeezed softly while placing hot open mouth kisses along his neck.

"Don't worry since you are my wife I will give you a good discount."

She laughed at him and he took the opportunity to switch their positions in the shower letting the water soak her back as he started a slow perusal of her body.

She chuckled watching his eyes wander, mimicking her moves earlier with him. He washed her all over and she was pleasantly surprised when he reached for the shampoo and began to wash her hair. She eyed him speculatively at first but relaxed into the feel of him massaging her scalp. He kissed her gently on the lips while she dipped her head back into the steady stream of water washing everything out of her hair.

His mouth trailed down her body as her head stayed back against the water. Goosebumps started to form over her skin as his tongue entered her belly button and down lower.

"El," she whispered breathlessly.

He ignored her. His attention focused on the small scar along her bikini line and it filled him with so much emotion.

This scar was different than the others that she had on her body. The healed burns from Lewis, the faint mark on her neck from Gitano, the tiny zig zag scar she had on the side of her head she had since she was a child. Those all represented something negative and reminded him of loss, fear and pain.

Her c-section scar represented life. Their child she brought into the world.

It was just another reminder of how far they had come in such a short amount of time.

"El?" she called out to him softly when she noticed he stopped. He looked up at her, the water cascading on both of them and he couldn't stop the single tear that fell from his eye. They had gone through so much and now here they were. Their unspoken communication spoke volumes. She felt what he felt.

Her hand rubbed the back of his head, his short cropped hair brushing against her fingertips. Without a word, he leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on her scar. The endearment wasn't lost on her.

His lips then moved to her mound, kissing it softly. Her breath hitched at the contact and she braced her hand against his head and the side of the shower wall when his tongue flicked across her clit.

"Ahhh," she cried out. He took her against his mouth relentlessly sucking, teasing and licking her folds, pouring out every emotion he was feeling for her into the crux of her thighs.

Olivia struggled not to scream worried about waking the baby. Her breathing staggered and he knew she was close but he didn't let up. He held on to her thighs to hold her in place. Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she quietly hurled towards her release.

He lifted his head grinning up at her the evidence of her orgasm on his face.

"You managed to be quiet. I'm impressed."

Two seconds later, they heard Noah begin to cry and they both laughed softly. "Ill go get him," she offered.

"Well good thing is at least he let you finish," he joked while getting off his knees.

She dried off and put her robe on and as she walked out of the bathroom, Charlotte started to cry. She turned to him obviously amused. "And that sir is your cue."

"I'm on it."

This is what their lives would be like and Elliot loved every moment of it. He breathed contently, threw on his robe and ran to take care of his daughter.

XXXX

Later that night in bed, they were half asleep when they heard a phone vibrating.

"Is that you or me?" Elliot asked.

"I think me. Damn I forgot my phone was still on vibrate," she cursed looking at the caller id to see it was Melinda and answered. "Melinda? It's late everything ok?"

Elliot was dozing off when he felt Olivia's body tense in front of him. "How? Do they know who? Ok…thanks for calling me."

She put the phone back on the nightstand and blew out a breath.

He watched her turn over on her back staring at the ceiling. "What's going on?"

"Melinda called to tell me that Lowell Harris is dead. He was killed in his cell. She thought I should know," she explained impassively.

Elliot immediately tensed and turned on his back as well. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah actually," she chuckled bitterly. "I know it's not right but I felt a certain sense of closure when Lewis died and I can't act like it bothers me that Harris is dead too."

Elliot shut his eyes tight and rubbed his hand over his face. "How did it happen?"

"He was beaten to death. Clearly he pissed someone off and I can't say I'm surprised. Melinda said it was pretty brutal."

She rolled over on her side and expected him to cuddle against her like he always did but he was lost in thought. She figured that the news would have some affect on him. Talk of Lewis or Harris always did. "Hey," she said looking over her shoulder. "We don't have to think about them anymore. It's the end of that chapter in my life finally. In our lives. I don't have to worry about him anymore and neither do you."

He didn't answer her and he didn't move. His reaction startled her so she turned around to face him. "What's going on?"

He looked over her shoulder not ready to make eye contact. He was fighting with himself about what to do.

"Elliot. Tell me," she persisted. "No secrets remember."

She could hear him swallow and sense how nervous he was.

"Please," she begged.

He met her eyes and uttered the words that could possibly change their lives. "A few weeks before Charlotte was born…I went to visit Lowell Harris in prison."

XXXXX

_"All good things have to come to an end at some point, of course, but sometimes when I thought things were over, they just began again." _-Mariska Hargitay

Admit it, You guys thought the story was over didn't you? ;-)


	70. The Worst Kind of Paradox

Chapter 70: The Worst Kind of Paradox

_A/N: Everything in Italics is a flashback. Let's just get right to it._

_"A few weeks before Charlotte was born…I went to visit Lowell Harris in prison."_

Elliot watched Olivia closely, the features on her face processing what the information. He saw her face shift between shock, disbelief and then the emotion he feared the most….anger.

He saw the lump in her throat as she finally swallowed. "Why?" she whispered.

He didn't know why but the question pissed him off. He wanted her to ask him when, or why he didn't tell her or he would've even expected her to ask if he had Lowell Harris killed. But to ask him why, of all the questions that one should have been the easiest for her to answer.

"Why do you think?" he bit off more annoyed than he intended. She had a right to be upset, he knew that. He took a deep breath, reigning in the irrepressible anger that was bubbling up inside of him. He didn't have a right to be angry with her but he was never completely rational where Olivia was concerned. "I needed to see him."

Olivia sat up and he immediately softened when he saw her bottom lip trembling struggling to not let emotions overwhelm her. "Why?" she asked confused.

"You know why." He sat up mimicking her body language.

She leaned her head back trying to stop the tears brimming her eyelids from falling and shook her head emphatically. "What. is. It. Going to take?" she asked carefully emphasizing each word. "What is it going to take for you to let this go Elliot?"

He opened his mouth to speak but she quickly silenced him. "I told you everything," she cried crawling out of the bed suddenly too anxious to sit still. "I thought if I told you everything that it would stop all of this. I put myself out there and it's still not enough."

Elliot flinched as if he had been slapped. "So you thought that was it?" he asked in a clipped tone getting out of the bed as well on the opposite side. "You tell me what happened with Lewis and Harris and then we just ride off into the sunset? That everything would be forgotten."

That's exactly what she thought. Hearing him say it made her feel incredibly naïve but at the time she really thought that confessing would bring closure for both of them but it really only brought closure for her.

"That's not how it works Olivia. You had time to work through what happened to you. You got to tell me your story when you were ready and you were healed from it," he argued his tone getting louder not matching the sadness she could see in his eyes. "But I'm not healed. I'm not over it."

"And you think I am?" she shot back. "I'm healing Elliot, it's a constant process. You of all people should know that."

"I get that Liv I do but I needed to deal with it," he said pointing hard to his chest. "I needed to come to terms with what happened to you too."

Their chests were heaving and the air between them thick, a strong juxtaposition to the mood in the room a few minutes earlier. Olivia squared her shoulders ready to go toe to toe with him like she had done so many times as his partner.

"It didn't happen to you Elliot. It happened to me. You don't get to make this about you. You weren't sexually assaulted, you weren't burned, you were-"

"It did happen to me!" he yelled startling her. "We are married. What happens to you happens to me!" He stammered closer to her and instinctively she took a step back.

"We weren't married then," she counters and she knows it's a weak defense but she needed to tell him something because she's pissed that somehow he's made this about him.

He stood watching her, weakening his stance. His intention wasn't to take anything away from her ordeal but he wanted her to understand why. "Liv, we didn't have to be married…even then. What happened to you, happened to me…even then," he explained letting the tear that had been threatening to fall finally land on his cheek. "I know it wasn't right and it didn't make sense but it always made us who we were and why we worked and didn't work. You have to know that," he whispered.

They stared at each other for what seemed like hours each not willing to move or give up their position. She was still furious at him and he was not going to apologize for always wanting to protect her and defend her honor. Their standoff was interrupted by the sound of Charlotte's crying over the baby monitor.

Their glances both turned towards the monitor and Olivia grabbed her robe. "Ill handle it," she declared stomping out of the room. Elliot paced back and forth near their bed and thought briefly about reaching out to Eric to see what they could find out about Harris' death without anyone noticing that they were digging. His thoughts were broken by the sound of Olivia's gentle voice over the baby monitor. As mad as she was at him, there wasn't a hint of it in her voice when she calmed their daughter.

"It's ok baby girl, mommy's here. Mommy's here," he heard her say to Charlotte. He sat on the edge of the bed listening to her and felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He knew why he did it and he didn't regret going to see Harris but if it caused any trouble for her or his family he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. This is what he wanted. The sleepless nights with the kids, the lazy days in her arms and adventures in babysitting with his grandkids. Anything that took him away or disrupted that wasn't worth it.

It took a few minutes but the little girl finally quieted down. He sat patiently waiting for her but after about thirty minutes she still hadn't returned to their bedroom. He walked quietly to the nursery to check on them and they were both sound asleep in the rocking chair. He watched them for a few minutes taking a few steady breaths. He needed to fix it and he just hoped she would give him the opportunity.

He picked up Charlotte from her arms and put her back in her crib while Olivia remained asleep. He wanted to tell her to come to bed but she seemed comfortable and he wasn't sure that she didn't just stay in the nursery because she was upset with him. He grabbed a blanket from the closet and began to place it over her when she woke up. She looked around for the baby and saw her sleeping in the crib. "I didn't mean to fall asleep," she said regarding him with sleepy eyes.

"It's ok I didn't want to wake you."

She reached out for his hand and he helped her up. "Let's go back to bed."

XXXX

The next morning Elliot got up early to make breakfast after not sleeping much the night before. After Olivia returned to bed they didn't talk about Harris anymore, in fact they didn't talk at all. She had fallen asleep as soon as they got back to their bedroom and he got up with Charlotte when she woke up a few hours later.

"Morning," she said flatly coming down the stairs with Noah in her arms. She placed him in his high chair and started the coffee machine. When he turned around he noticed that she was dressed like she was about to go out.

"Going somewhere?" he asked trying to sound nonchalant.

"Yeah I just need to run a few errands." She purposely remained vague and he knew it.

"Ok well I don't have anything to do today so I'll just watch the kids."

"That's ok I'm taking them with me," she replied setting the coffee pot back down and giving Noah some dry cereal in his high chair.

He stilled and began to feel a little panicked. She was running away from him, from them and his confession last night.

Olivia tried to remain impassive but she felt the change in his body language. She needed to get out of the house and talk to someone, anyone about everything. She couldn't be objective where this was concerned and she felt suffocated being in the house with him. She didn't want to start another argument and the only thing she could come up with was to leave.

"Please don't do this," he whispered harshly.

"Do what?"

He took the skillet off the burner and turned around to face her. She noticed his body language was completely deflated.

"Run."

"I'm no—"

"Yes you are. Don't lie to me. I pissed you off I get it. If you need space from me that's fine just…just." _Don't take the kids. If you take them and walk out the door I don't know if you will come back. I can't watch you walk away from me._

She wanted to hold her resolve but seeing him weaken was almost too much for her to bare.

"I won't be out too long and…I'll leave Noah here and take Charlotte. Melinda hasn't seen her in awhile so…."

He visibly relaxed. It was a peace offering. She was leaving one of the children with him and also telling him where she was going.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Tell Melinda I said hello."

She drank her coffee while packing the baby's diaper bag and put her in the car seat.

When she grabbed her purse and the baby's bag, she suddenly felt Elliot's arm around her waist and his breath close to her ear. "I know you are mad at me and I know why you are leaving. I get it. But when you are ready to talk I am here Olivia. I am always here. I love you." Her eyes closed and she felt like she couldn't get any air. Her heart was constricting. "Drive safely," he added kissing her on the side of the forehead and went back to the kitchen to tend to Noah.

She didn't turn around to look at him fearing that she would buckle and just run back in his arms. She needed distance, at least for now. When Elliot looked up from feeding Noah all he saw was her silhouette and the door closing behind her.

XXXX

An hour later, Olivia was sitting tucked away in a Starbucks booth a block away from the ME's office awaiting Melinda's arrival. She kept going over everything in her mind that happened over the last 12 hours. She thought about how once again Elliot was reckless and what it could cost their family and that she was sick of cleaning up the messes behind him and his temper. But then she thought about the look on his face when she said she was leaving with the kids. The anguish and sadness she saw in his eyes she hadn't seen in a long time and it rocked her to her core.

Now she was sitting in a coffee shop instead of the comfort of her home because she couldn't deal with her husband but instead staring at a reflection of him in the blue eyes of her daughter. She felt a little sad looking at Charlotte with her dad's eyes watching her intently as she rocked her gently in the booth.

She spotted Melinda coming through the door and waved her hand to get her attention.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. I had to finish up some notes on a report," she explained shedding her jacket and scooting in across from her. "I didn't know you were bringing the baby, can I hold her?"

"Of course you can, you're her Godmother," Olivia said handing Charlotte to her. She smiled thinking of how surprised Melinda was when she asked her a week ago. There were a few people she thought of to be the godmother but settled on Melinda because she had been such a constant in her life, she was there for her the moment she found out she was pregnant and helped to ease a lot of her fears about pregnancy at her age. Melinda accepted graciously.

"So are we meeting because of the news I called you with last night?"

"Yes and no."

Olivia watched Melinda make faces at Charlotte and she fidgeted with her cup thinking about how to continue.

"Elliot went to see Lowell Harris a few months ago," she blurted out catching Melinda off guard.

"Ok..umm wow."

"Yeah. Wow. I'm just so—" she tried to explain clenching her teeth. "Pissed. He told me last night after you called and I thought here we go. Here we fucking go again."

Melinda silently let her go on and vent before she said anything.

"I told him everything about Harris and Lewis, things that I hadn't told anyone hoping to put it all to rest. Start the New Year fresh. It was so hard for me to relive everything but I did it for him because he really wanted to know. I just don't know what it's going to take for him to let it go. Shit," she cursed her fists in a ball. "You know what he said to me last night? That was happens to me happens to him and that he had every right to go and see Harris. He wasn't the one who had to live through what—just nevermind."

Olivia glanced over at Melinda to jump in at some point and say something but she remained silent.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" she finally asked a bit annoyed.

Melinda put the now sleeping baby in her car seat next to her and sighed before talking. "I'm probably not the best person to talk to about this."

Olivia's eyes widened in disbelief. "What do you mean? You are always the voice of reason."

"No you don't understand. I'm not going to be the most impartial person to talk to about this because I was there remember? I saw you. I saw how you were shaking when I asked you if Lowell Harris raped you. It was me you went out with that night for a drink after and I saw the vacant look in your eyes. You never told me what happened and I never asked but I knew you were sexually assaulted," she stated matter of factly. "So if you want me to say that I can't believe that he went to see Harris and that he was wrong then I can't do that."

Olivia sat back in the booth, looking up at the ceiling trying to take in what Melinda said. She had forgotten about her admission to Melinda after Harris was arrested.

_It's the closest I've ever come._

That was of course before Lewis.

"I don't know if that's what I want you to say I just—when will this be over? It's never ending. I just want it to be over," she whispered as tears threatened to fall. "I just want to move on."

Melinda got up from the other side of the booth and sat next to her, pulling the car seat next to both of them. "Liv in a lot of way you have moved on. It doesn't define who you are, you don't have the nightmares, you aren't living in fear. But you know from your work with victims that it never truly goes away. It's a part of who you are and yes because it's a part of who you are it's also a part of Elliot. I know he tends to be an overprotective selfish brute at times but you have to understand where he's coming from on this. At least a little bit," she explained.

"I feel like he makes everything about him," she vented.

"He's a man. They tend to do that," Melinda joked and Olivia smiled. The first genuine smile she's had since that dreaded phone call.

"Liv, are you mad at him for going to see Harris…or because you think he may have had something to do with what happened to Harris?" she asked her point blank.

Olivia looked down fidgeting with her hands. "Both I guess."

Melinda nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Look I'll see what I can find out from their ME. I only came across it because he saw my name on the initial report I did when he was arrested and gave me a call. Ill try and see what I can find out."

She was relieved. "Thank you so much Melinda. I owe you one."

"So what is Elliot saying? Has he been talking to someone in prison? Who would he even get to do it if he did?"

Olivia shrugged her shoulders dismissively. "I have no idea. I haven't asked him."

"Don't you think you should?"

XXXXXX

"Daddy where the block?" Noah asked looking around him for the missing toy.

"Right here. And we are going to put it right there," Elliot instructs while the tot watches him closely.

He checks the time every few minutes wondering when Olivia will return and fighting the urge to pick up the phone and call her. He's giving her the time and space to get over it enough to be able to talk to him. Even then he's concerned about how much to tell her. If it were up to him he wouldn't tell her everything but recognizes that she took a huge leap of faith by confiding in him about her ordeal. It would be wrong of him to hold back.

He tries to focus hard on spending one on one time with his son but the memories of his encounter with Harris are still fresh in his mind. Memories he will soon have to share with his wife.

_Flashback_

_Elliot maneuvers down the hallway to the small cell where he will be across from Lowell Harris with every muscle in his body tense. He worked through his contacts to find out which prison Harris was in under the guise of being an attorney that was going to help him work on an appeal. The same cover ironically he used in Sealview to visit Risa Tyler. _

_As he approaches the cell and he and Harris makes eye contact, he can see the slight upturn of Harris' lip and the smug look on his face while the guards open the cell. One of the guards steps in with him and while he thought it was the right thing to do at first, to have some type of buffer in case things went south, seeing the look on Harris' face and the clear lack of remorse makes him change his mind._

_"We need attorney-client privilege," he directs at the guard._

_Harris smirks again and for a split second Elliot worries that he will ask the guard to stay but being the cocky son of a bitch he is, he watches the guard walk out._

_"You're not an attorney," Harris states the obvious._

_"No I'm not. You know exactly who I am," Elliot responds closing and opening in his fists._

_They stare at each other, Harris sitting at a small table in the cell and Elliot with a stern stance beginning to inch closer to the opposite end of the table._

_"I do. I don't remember your name but I definitely don't forget a face," he begins smugly. "You're that bitch's partner."_

_Elliot returns the condescending look and leans over the table. "You're right. I am her partner..for life," he says gesturing at his ring finger. "And we need to get a few things straight."_

_Lewis scoffs and rolls his eyes. "You were fucking that whore? I should've known. What do you and I need to get straight?"_

_Elliot flinches at the insult to Olivia but presses on to complete his goal. "You better be damn lucky that it wasn't me undercover when she was in Sealview because if it were me, you wouldn't be sitting your pathetic ass across from me right now."_

_"I'm shaking," Harris responds unphased._

_"You should be," Elliot counters sitting on the edge of the table. "But I'm sure you've got much bigger problems. Tell me have the fellas been treating you well in here?"_

_He sees the brief flicker of emotion in Harris' eyes and knows that he hasn't had it easy and a lazy smile slowly forms on his lips. "Uh oh. Looks like it. Looks like you are handling it just fine though. You strike me as the type to be able to handle being someone's bitch quite well."_

_"Fuck you," Harris seethes._

_"Now Now, it looks like you're getting fucked enough for the both of us," he laughs._

_Harris surges up from his seat and Elliot stands up straight waiting for any slight movement to give him a reason to pounce. Harris quickly recognizes the physical mismatch between he and Elliot and somewhat cowers. He's not the same build as he was as a correction officer, having lost about 30 lbs Elliot estimates. Either way, neither man has any doubt that in a physical match Harris would not come out the winner so he decides to hit the only way he can._

_"That's real funny. What was your name again?" he asks._

_"Stabler."_

_"Well…Stabler," he repeats sarcastically. "Looks like I'm not the only getting fucked."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"I saw the news. I mean where was this whole cloak and dagger routine when that psycho had your precious wife and was fucking her for a few days in some abandoned house?" Harris retorts._

_In a flash Elliot is across the table with Harris' neck on the other end of his short fingernails pressing down. Guards rush in trying to pull Elliot off of Lewis but his rage is so strong that it takes a few instants longer than it should to separate them. Harris turned red due to the cutoff of his air supply._

_"Get off, stop!" one of the guards yell._

_"You son of a bitch," Elliot yells being restrained by two of the guards._

_"Let him go let him go," Harris chokes out between coughs trying to regain his air. "This is fun."_

_Elliot's chest is heaving and he tries to reign himself in while guards stand close by ready to escort him out._

_"We don't have a lot of time so I'm going to say this and be real clear. What happened to Olivia won't happen again. If you even think about sending someone after her or hurting her in any way, I will end you."_

_Harris laughs a little at first, but seeing the dark intense irises staring a hole in him begins to humble himself quickly._

_"Do I make myself clear?" Elliot asks._

_"Crystal."_

_Elliot straightens his jacket and gets ready to walk out with an annoyed guard by his side who wanted to usher him out right after the physical scuffle._

_"Oh and Stabler, tell the misses I truly am sorry for everything she's been through but what goes around comes around," Harris adds with a smile showing how proud he is of himself._

_"You're absolutely right. It does. I'm counting on it," he replied winking at him._

_Harris' smile fades as he comes to some sort of recognition about Elliot's statement. Elliot walks back through the narrow hallway that brought him there confident and content that Lowell Harris will no longer be a factor in their lives._

XXXXX

Olivia pulled into her driveway a few hours after wrapping up with Melinda. She tried to find errands to run including bringing the baby by the precinct for a visit to avoid going home. She was able to hide that something was going on for the most part until she saw how Nick was watching her closely. He knew something was up and offered to walk her to her car to find out what was going on but she couldn't divulge anything until she talked to Elliot. She needed to know what happened and just how much trouble that he and her family could be in.

Charlotte started to get cranky as they rode around so she ended up back at home sooner than she anticipated. She was changed, fed and Olivia rocked her but the baby still seemed out of sorts which only added to her stress level. She walked into the door to Elliot sitting on the floor playing with Noah and the little boy clapping when he realized he was able to stack all his blocks without any of them falling over.

"Again daddy," he squealed.

Elliot stopped in his tracks when he heard the cries coming from the carseat and saw the look of defeat on Olivia's face. He ran over to her immediately. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I just—", she tried to explain but the words weren't forming. Her mind was swimming between anger, sadness, anxiousness and exhaustion.

"Come here sweetheart," Elliot cooed reaching down for the baby who was wiggling around and her face was red.

"She's just been cranky for the last hour or so," Olivia clarified putting her bag and everything down.

Charlotte cried for a few seconds longer and then quickly settled down snuggled on her dad's shoulder, his hand rubbing her back and he placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

The scene made Olivia break down in tears.

"Liv, what happened?" he asked concerned.

"Nothing I-just give me a minute."

She walked hurriedly to the kitchen and fixed herself a glass of water and leaned against the counter trying to calm herself.

She loves him.

After everything he does and how much she tries to be mad at him, she fucking loves him so much. It irked her that Charlotte was grumpy causing her to have to come home and the second she was in Elliot's arms she was fine. This was one of the reasons that she couldn't stay angry. She hates him and loves him at the same time because for all the ways he drives her insane, he has this uncanny ability to be the noblest person she knows.

She's pissed there's no doubt about that. And as the tears continue to flow down her face and she's trying her best to calm herself, all she can think about is what life was like without him. How she cried incessantly when he first resigned and how he disappeared from her life. How although her world continued to turn when he left and there was so much good that happened for her, there was always something missing…him.

"Hey Liv," he says suddenly next to her, his breath near her forehead. His proximity is both soothing and discomforting. His voice is tentative and eager. His touch…his fucking touch that she had been absent of for so long and didn't know the weight of until the past year was devastating and now achingly necessary for her existence.

The worst kind of paradox.

She immediately notices the baby is no longer in his arms, now resting comfortably in her bassinet and Noah is starting to rebuild his blocks again.

Without another thought she wraps her arms around him holding on for dear life. He's asked her several times what's wrong and she hasn't answered, so he's content to just hold her until she's ready and thankful that the anger that she had this morning has seemed to ease.

She breathes him in, that mix between faint after shave, soap and just….him. He smells like Elliot and God help her for the rest of her life she doesn't want to be without his scent. She's squeezing him so tight that she worries for a split second that she's hurting him but the solid mass of muscle that fills her arms is very difficult to penetrate. Her tears have stopped flowing and she can feel his heartbeat. The majestic rhythm is calming and with a deep steadying breath she feels like she's finally ready to talk. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I left angry. I should've stayed and talked it out," she acquiesces.

He doesn't answer straight away, not wanting to say anything that's going to take away the feeling of her in his arms. She hadn't been gone long but the hours she was he worried that the tension would continue to go on. He had enough faith in their marriage to rationally believe that she wouldn't end it over one argument, but irrationally he worried about what it would do to their relationship and if she would ask him to leave. He needed her. Without her, he didn't know how he would go on.

"You don't have to apologize Liv. I get it. You needed space," he began. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about seeing Harris. It was something that I just needed to work out for myself."

Olivia immediately jumped back at his words, removing herself from his grasp.

"That's the part I don't understand," she asserted. "How do you and Harris have a problem or issue that doesn't include me? How is this just your fight?"

Elliot takes a deep breath to calm himself not wanting to raise his voice in front of the children and knowing they can't go to another room.

"It's not that it's just my fight. You seem to have dealt with it the way you needed to and I just wanted to do the same. That's it. I don't know how to explain it to you. I needed to see him face to face to let him know that I knew what he did to you," he rambled. "I needed him to know.."

"To know what?" she asks observing the tension in his neck and face showing the will it's taking him to reign in his temper.

"I need him to know that he is lucky that it was Fin who was there and not me because if it would've been me, he would've been a dead man. No question about it."

Although she is not shocked, she's momentarily taken aback by the intensity and fire in his eyes when he talks about the encounter.

"You told him that?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes I did," he huffed in an almost indignant tone. She didn't need to ask him if he regretted it because it was obvious he didn't.

She wanted to sit down. Her legs felt almost like jelly and she hoped she would be strong enough to have this conversation with him now to clear the air.

"Let's go sit at the dining room table," he suggested reading her body language as he always could. He gently took her arm and guided her over to a seat and sat close to her.

"When did you go?" she inquired her voice low not wanting to disturb the children.

He looked at his arm instead of looking at her trying to distract himself. "I went a few days after you told me."

"When you told me that you were going to finish up work in the house," she remembers.

"Yes."

"How long did you stay?"

"Not long. I didn't need much time," he says watching her closely. "Liv, it's ok. Just ask me."

She met his gaze and asked the question they both knew she really wanted to know.

"Did you have anything to do with what happened to Harris?"


	71. A Gentleman's Agreement

Chapter 71: A Gentleman's Agreement

_"Did you have anything to do with happened to Harris?"_

"Liv I—"

"Hello my wonderful family," Lizzie greeted them walking through the door all smiles completely unaware to what she just interrupted.

"Li-Li," Noah yelled running up to her leg.

"Hey there munchkin," she said picking him up on her hip. "Hey—" she stopped suddenly watching the serious faces of Elliot and Olivia. "I'm so sorry I'll talk quieter," she whispered tiptoeing over to the table where they were sitting. "I see the baby is asleep. I left my math book here last night and wanted to see the munchkins. So what's up?"

Elliot and Olivia watched each other and tried to snap themselves out of it for the sake of the children.

"Nothing much honey me and your dad were just talking," Olivia spoke up trying to sound somewhat cheerful.

"Yeah..just talking," Elliot added staring at the table.

Lizzie paused inspecting the body language between the two of them and realized that she interrupted something.

"Ok Noah, why don't we go back to the living room while mommy and daddy go upstairs and talk?" She walked back towards his toys giving them a knowing glance over her shoulder.

They shuffled up the stairs to their bedroom and closed the door behind them.

"No," he said simply as soon as the door was closed.

"What?"

"The answer to your question," he began motioning for her to sit on the bed next to him "is no. I thought about it. God knows I was even about to make a few calls but if I did it then there was always a chance that I could be caught and I couldn't—I couldn't risk…."

"going to jail?" Olivia finished the sentence for him.

He sighed deeply, resting his hands on his thighs in frustration. Going to jail should have been his main concern but it was a close second. "I couldn't risk getting caught and then you would have to testify," he explained meeting her curious gaze. Her expression softened at his admission. "I know how hard it was for you to tell me everything and I would never want to put you in a position to have to testify and tell a courtroom full of people what that piece of shit did to you."

She laid her head on his shoulder, the signs of anger slowly leaving her body.

"I know I wasn't around when you testified against Lewis but I remember watching you during that time," he said resting his head on hers. "I would sit in my car and watch you and you looked so broken. Just as broken as I was around that time. I wanted so bad to hold you and tell you everything was going to be ok and take that pain away."

Olivia put her hand in his and gently stroked his arm. She wasn't happy that they were in this mess but the fact that he thought sensibly before doing something that could land him in jail for life was proof enough to her that he made the changes he promised her he did.

"I know you did," she responded simply. "You could've done something and you didn't. I believe you and I appreciate that you were able to show some restraint. Couldn't have been easy," she said in a low voice comforting him.

"No it wasn't," he replied turning his body to face her. "Liv I know you think I'm trying to make this whole situation with Harris about me—"

She got ready to interrupt and he put his hand up to stop her.

"I'm not trying to do that. When I made the comment about what happens to you happens to me I just mean that whatever affects you affects me, even if it is in different ways. I won't ever take away from what you went through with Lewis or Harris and I know I don't show it in the best ways- but I just want to take care of you Liv. That's all I ever want to do is take care of you and our family," he clarified.

She breathed in a moment absorbing what he said and the words from her therapist were ringing in her head.

_Who is going to take care of you?_

It's something she's always taken for granted and thinking that having someone to take care of her wasn't necessary. She'd always been on her own. Although Elliot tried to take care of her when they were partners, he still had his family at home and he could never devote himself to her fully. And now that they were married, it was still hard for her to comprehend that she had someone who was totally hell bent on taking care of her in times whether she wanted it or not.

"I know you do and you are. You don't have to go and beat up some perp to take care of me Elliot," she rationalized. "You being here _with _me and _for_ me is taking care of me."

"I know that but he just needed to know that there would be zero chance of him coming near you again."

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. He wasn't getting it. "Elliot. I haven't heard from Lowell Harris since he was convicted. I obviously am not on his mind so it wasn't worth you digging that back up."

Elliot flinched for a moment on the verge of telling her that she had crossed his mind enough to where he followed Lewis' trial and knew what happened to her but he didn't. That would just make her upset and it wasn't worth it just to prove his point.

"People get out of jail all the time Liv. Look at what Lewis did, or they hire people or whatever," he explained waving his hand for effect and she scoffed in response but kept her head on his shoulder. "I know you think it was irrational and shit maybe it was but I just don't have a clear head when it comes to you. If you are looking for me to apologize for that I won't," he said with a slight upturn of his lip and she could hear the hint of a smile in his voice.

"Nice try Stabler," she said lifting her head and running her hand along the back of his neck. He put his head on her shoulder and she breathed him in her thoughts running a mile a minute.

They needed to get through this.

They would get through this.

She had come too far to lose him now and vowed to do whatever it took to get in front of this. Her mind started to wander thinking about if she should call Casey, Alex, or bring Fin in the loop so they could start planning or strategizing. She didn't know if Elliot would even be suspected or if anyone connected the dots that he was there but she felt she needed to be proactive.

She was deep in thought when she felt his head lift from her shoulders and his lips graze hers softly.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, his mouth against hers.

"I thought you said you weren't going to apologize," she teased tenderly kissing him back.

He nibbled her bottom lip and cupped her cheek.

"I said I wasn't going to apologize for being irrational when it comes to you. I'm crazy about you Liv and that's never going to change but I am sorry for any way I made things harder on you or for this family. I never want to do that."

Olivia saw the sincerity in his eyes and put her hand under his chin. "I know El."

Their lips joined in a slow, lazy kiss that wasn't about desire or sex but just about love and affirmation.

Confirmation that everything between them was ok. At the moment his tongue begged for entrance in her mouth they heard two knocks on their door.

"Dad? Liv?" Lizzie asked tentatively. "I really hope I'm not interrupting anything and please don't tell me if I am."

Olivia chuckled and Elliot shook his head while getting up to open the door. He cracked it to find Liz with her hands over her eyes and Olivia's cell phone held out in his direction.

"Can I open them?" she asked squinting through her fingers and Elliot leaned against the door watching her.

"Yes. You can. What is it?" he asked taking the phone from her.

"Mr. Barba keeps calling on Liv's phone so I figured it was important."

Elliot's expression changed for a brief second long enough for Lizzie to notice. "Everything ok?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeah honey everything is fine. Can you watch your brother and sister for a little bit longer? We will call him and be right down."

She paused for a second trying to search his face for any clues to what was going on before agreeing. "Sure dad," she said simply. "My class isn't for another couple of hours."

He closed the door and walked over to Olivia handing her the phone. She heard the conversation between him and Liz and he could tell she was a bit nervous.

"Guess you need to call Barba back," he rasped.

She kissed his hand and took the phone dialing Barba immediately. He picked up on the first ring.

"I've been calling you all morning where have you been?" he asked in a clipped tone she knew all too well from their battles on cases.

"The phone was downstairs. What's going on?" She tried to sound nonchalant but he wasn't buying it.

"I need to see you down at my office. Now," he seethed. She could hear him pacing back and forth.

"What's this abo—"

"Now. And bring Elliot with you."

He hung up the phone and Olivia watched the phone display fade to black.

"He sai—"

"I heard him," Elliot interjected. He was now pacing around the room nervously rubbing his hand along the back of his neck to ease the tension. "So I guess that means they found something."

She put her arms around him and pulled him close. "Whatever it is. We will work through it..together."

XXXX

An hour later, Lucy and Lizzie were at home with the kids and they were seated across from an obviously agitated Barba. His coat was slung on the back of his chair and he nibbled at his finger, his patented nervous habit when he was trying to reign in his temper.

"So funny thing. Had this murder case come across my desk today," he said tossing a file folder in front of Olivia but keeping his eyes trained on Elliot. "With the mess of ADA's around here I wasn't sure why it landed on my desk but I did some preliminary investigating. Lowell Harris. You know him?" he asked with obvious sarcasm.

"Clearly you know I do or I wouldn't be here," Olivia snapped back.

Elliot was grinding his palm against his leg trying to calm himself.

"Care to tell me your connection to him?"

Olivia continued to look through the file without answering and her eyes landed on Elliot's signature on the sign in page that was signed as another name…Jonathan Peters.

"Ok," he huffed getting up to come and stand in front of them. "Maybe you can explain to me how there is a dead prisoner and someone that looks remarkably like Elliot on this surveillance tape visiting him but I don't see Elliot's name on that visitor's log," he said tossing a video tape on the table in between their chairs. Elliot and Olivia exchanged glances trying to communicate with one another without saying a word but Barba was having none of it.

"So anyone want to tell me the story?" he prodded again.

"It's a long story," Olivia began.

"I have all day. Let's hear it," he said crossing his legs and settling his hands in his lap as he balanced against his desk. He continued to regard them both and finally Elliot spoke up.

"We know Harris," he began and proceeded to tell him how Olivia went undercover and ultimately busted Harris for multiple counts of rape and murder.

"And what else?" Barba pushed. He knew there had to be more for Elliot to go after him.

"He—" Olivia began and Elliot cut her off.

"How about me and ADA Barba talk alone? I'll tell you everything," he suggested. He had just told her this story earlier and he didn't want her to have to hear it all again. He was afraid that it would just upset her more and he was trying to do whatever he could to shield her from as much of it as possible. She was about to protest but there was something about the look in his eye and she relented. Barba's office was also not the place for them to have a disagreement. They needed to have a united front.

"Ok, umm I guess I'll go see if Casey or Alex or around," she acquiesced standing up to leave. "Call me when you're done?"

He nodded and she left passing him one more cautious look before she shut the door.

"Ok Barba," he got up and stood face to face with him. "I'm going to tell you this story because I want to spare Liv anything else related to this scum. Liv and Fin went undercover and Harris was the CO. He took her down to the basement in the prison and—and he sexually assaulted her."

He immediately saw the anger ease from Barba's face and be replaced with regret. He got ready to continue, "I—."

"Say no more," Barba responded and walked back around to sit in his chair. "I didn't know. She never mentioned it."

Elliot followed his relaxed posture and sat back down in his chair across from him. "I didn't know the details either until recently."

Barba's eyes widened. "How recent?"

"A few days before I went to see him."

Barba nodded his head and closed the file folder staring at Elliot. "Well that's what you call a motive," he deadpanned and Elliot stayed silent.

"I don't know if I'm even going to keep this case once the truth about it comes to light. I'm sure it will be a conflict of interest since I prosecute the cases for Liv's unit. But…I could help. It would help to have me on your side with this to help get in front of it."

Elliot would've normally been on guard but he knew how much Olivia respected Barba and looked at him as a friend. He had also bailed him out before.

"Ok," he said.

"Off the record. Everything. Tell me everything."

Elliot told Barba about the undercover operation, his subsequent visit to Harris and what was said and how he worked his contact in the Feds to gain access under an alias. They reviewed if there was anyone in prison that could be tied back to him as far as he knew. There was talk in the prison about who could've beat Harris to death but since he was a former CO there was a long list of suspects. The other prisoners weren't being the most helpful and they all wanted a deal in order to offer up any information leading to the killers. Barba gave Elliot a preliminary copy of the long list of prisoners to see if he knew any of them or could tie them back to someone who had a grudge against Harris. Olivia was always pretty thorough with people she investigated or arrested so he figured with the both of them reviewing the list together they could go on the offense and help narrow down the suspects.

"Thanks, we will get right on it," Elliot said taking the list from his hands and heading for the door.

"Elliot. For the record I get it. I get why you did what you did," he said walking towards him. "With everything she's been through and the stuff that happened with Lewis I—I get it."

He held out his hand to Elliot and he shook it in return. It was an understanding, a gentleman's agreement to do everything they could to keep Olivia's world in tact. Barba had always felt a certain sense of guilt surrounding Lewis. Even though he managed to prosecute him and put him jail, something no one else was able to do, he still struggled with the fact that Lewis escaped and tortured Olivia again. They had become friends in the midst of all the tumultuous cases they dealt with on a daily basis and seeing Olivia happy gave him some sort of solace that they could all end up finding their happy ending.

"Thank you," Elliot said again. "For everything. I still owe you that steak dinner from the Cassidy thing."

"You're welcome. At this rate you are going to have to buy me my own steak house before too long."

XXXXX

Elliot filled Olivia in on his conversation with Barba on their drive back home. She took everything in quietly nervous about what would happen next. On one hand she wanted to bring in Nick and Fin in to help comb the list and provide help but on the other hand she didn't want to draw attention to anything since Elliot hadn't been formally charged. She closed her eyes and willed everything to just stand still, to go back to a few days ago when their lives were practically perfect. She momentarily regretted telling Elliot about Harris or Lewis but deep down she knew she did the right thing. This was just one more hurdle they would have to overcome and she had the support system around her to be able to get past it.

"I've been thinking about calling Nick and Fin, have them do some digging," she said breaking the silence in the car.

"You sure that's a good idea?" he asked.

"I trust them. We have the kids and I don't know how knee deep I can get into investigating this. We need as many hands on deck as we can get," she declared and put her head down. "We gotta do whatever it takes El."

"Liv, I never meant for you to have to take this on. Did you forget? I have my own people. I already put in a call to Eric. I'm going to send him the list. Someone in that prison has a tie to Harris and wanted revenge and we are going to find out who that is. I promise."

"Ok."

They pulled into the driveway and walked to the door hand in hand. Before they walked in the door, Elliot pulled her hand to his and kissed it. A simple gesture that immediately put her at ease.

They were surprised to walk into the house and see that Lizzie was still there.

"I thought you had class," Olivia said walking over to check on Charlotte who was sitting peaceful in her swing.

"I did but I decided it would be no big deal to miss a day," she shrugged catching Elliot's attention.

"Actually it's a very big deal. Lucy's here there's no reason for you to miss class," he retorted nodding in Lucy's direction who was in the kitchen with Noah.

"I didn't miss class because of the kids. I stayed here because I want to know what's going on," she countered. Elliot and Olivia looked at each other again trying to determine what if anything they should say to her.

"Dad?" she urged trying to get his attention.

"Liz..don't wo-"

"Don't worry. Don't tell me don't worry," she pleaded. "You told me that when Kathleen was missing or when you were drinking all the time, or when you and mom split the first time," she countered trying to maintain her composure. Her fists were clenching at her side. "Please don't keep anything from me. If there is something wrong tell me. Tell me so I can fix it. I'll fix it," she whispered with tears running down her cheek.

Elliot pulled her into his arms and Olivia motioned quietly for Lucy to keep an eye on Charlotte.

"You're right sweetheart. We should tell you," Olivia said.

Elliot tensed up not wanting to involve any of the children but his heart was breaking at Liz's outburst. He always knew that she was probably the most affected by all that went on in their home because she chose not to run but he never wanted her to think that the burden was on her to fix everything in their family. Olivia took Liz's hand and they walked back into the foyer.

"Honey, there was a man who did something to me when I was undercover a while ago and he was found dead recently. Your dad went to visit him in prison and there is a possibility they think he has something to do with it," Olivia explained in her soft voice she normally reserved for calming Elliot down.

"But dad you did—"

"No Liz. I didn't I swear to you sweetheart. I wouldn't do anything else to cause harm to this family," he assured her and he saw the panic leave her body almost immediately.

"So they don't have anything on you yet, no arrest warrant issued, and they haven't searched the place or questioned you so everything right now is preliminary then right?" she asked and Elliot couldn't help but smile.

"That's right. And I'm glad to see my dollars at work on this Criminal Justice degree you are pursuing," he countered trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't tease Dad. We need to be serious. This is serious," she insisted.

"Yes yes it is. But it's serious for me and for Olivia. _We_ will take care of this."

"But—"

"No buts Liz. Your days of having to fix anything with this family are over. You got that?" Elliot said pulling her close to him.

She returned his hug and closed her eyes breathing into his chest.

"I just want everything to be ok. We've all been ok lately and I want it to stay that way. I don't want it to be like…like how it was before," she said sadly and for a brief second he no longer saw a young woman. He saw the remnants of the small girl with the red-rimmed glasses and ponytail that used to read constantly and shared a pet turtle with her brother that he accidentally killed in the garbage disposal. He was ready for her to grow up but he wasn't ready for her to bear the responsibility and burden of their family. She had taken on that role in recent years because she felt she didn't have a choice. Now he was making the choice for her.

"Liz it will never be like it was before," he said pulling her away from him and looking her in the eye. Olivia quietly exited giving dad and daughter time alone to have a conversation that was a long time coming.

"I am so sorry that you had to deal with what you did these past few years. I will never stop being sorry for that. But you are 22 years old. Your job is to be partying for senior year giving me a heart attack, lobbying for a better car for graduation or asking me for money all the time. You know like getting on me and your mom's nerves, your brother seems to have it down packed but you young lady are lacking in that department," he teased and she laughed in response.

"Daaaad," she whined hugging him again. "I love you old man."

"I love you too Elizabeth. You have no idea how much."

"I will. When I have my own baby soon," she said feeling him stiffen in her arms. "Just joking. I swear dad, you're too easy."

He kissed her hair and patted her on the back. "Well I see you stepped into the role of getting on my nerves pretty quick."  
"Well I always was an overachiever," she sassed walking back with him towards the kitchen where Olivia was making lunch.

"Everything ok?" Olivia asked cautiously.

"Everything's fine," Elliot replied winking at Liz and giving Olivia a quick peck on the lips. He noticed briefly that Liz was watching them with a look of adoration instead of the mock disgust she normally greeted them with whenever they were affectionate.

"So that's where you were," Lizzie said putting a few grapes in her mouth.

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked.

"The day Olivia went into labor. You were visiting that guy," she continued talking oblivious to Elliot's expression change. "When I called the case agent to tell them to pull you because Liv was in labor they said you were already gone. That's why I was up and down the halls trying to call you but that's why you couldn't answer. I know they don't let you bring phones in the prison," she said nonchalantly.

Olivia pulled back from Elliot's grasp watching him closely. She knew that's not where he was.

"Hey Liz, can you put this on the table?" she asked handing her the bowl of salad. "You're staying for lunch right?"

"Of course. I'm all about the free meals," she responded taking the salad and heading to the dining room.

Once she was out of earshot Olivia turned to Elliot.

"I know you weren't at the prison visiting Harris. Where were you?"


	72. The Funny Thing about Closure

Chapter 72: The Funny Thing about Closure

_"I know you weren't at the prison visiting Harris. Where were you?"_

"It's not what you think. I was at Kathleen's gravesite," Elliot whispered so Lizzie couldn't hear. "I don't want to discuss it right now because Liz is here. Let's talk later."

They sat and ate lunch together and Olivia couldn't help but smile at how carefree Lizzie was. Their conversation had obviously eased her fears. She played with Noah and teased her dad like normal. Olivia watched Elliot throughout the day while her mind wandered. She had no idea he went to see Kathleen or why he didn't mention it but then again she wasn't that surprised. He had made strides towards communicating more but Elliot was still Elliot and there was something strangely comforting in that for her. He wasn't going to always offer up more than he needed to and instead of once again pressuring him for information she decided to be patient. To wait until he was ready to talk.

She stepped out to the porch and called Nick and Fin, told them the story and sent them a copy of the list to see what they could find out. When she finished her phone call, Elliot excused himself to make a call of his own to Eric. He filled him in on everything that was going on and he promised he would get back to him as soon as possible when they ran the names through the Federal databases.

They tag teamed taking calls while the other stayed with the kids. As the evening wore on, they observed each other trying to fill out the other's mood. She would steal a glance at him and every time he would meet her gaze she would give him a small smile of encouragement.

Later that night she waited patiently for him in their room while he put Noah to sleep. She had already put Charlotte down. Her mind was racing thinking about whether or not she should bring up the subject of his visit to Kathleen's grave visit or wait for him to talk. He wasn't always the most willing to communicate especially about topics that were hard for him. Kathleen's death was one of those. Between Harris' death, worrying if Elliot would be charged, taking care of the kids and worrying about if she should talk to him, she was drained and soon fell asleep.

Elliot was exhausted. After Noah finally went down he sat for a few minutes just watching the little boy sleep. He then tiptoed into Charlotte's nursery to check in on her and the baby girl was sleeping soundly with Kathleen's blanket draped across her little body. He sat in the rocking chair in her room and his eyes fell upon the stuffed elephant that was sitting on the small chest next to his chair. He picked up the toy and held it close to him while rocking in the chair. All he could think of was how he didn't want to miss these moments and his life had changed so much in a short amount of time but he found himself back in a familiar spot…on the verge of losing it all.

Elliot tiptoed into their bedroom an hour after Olivia dozed off. He closed the door, toed off his slippers and rested his head against the headboard. As he did with their children, he watched Olivia sleep as well. Her soft breaths were soothing to him and her chestnut brown hair was fanned out over the pillow.

Olivia was absolutely stunning.

He counted his blessings and thought he was a lucky son of a bitch, but the universe was cold and heartless sometimes. He wanted to think positively but he couldn't help but think how he had it all and it could easily be taken away from him.

"You're staring Stabler," she mumbled.

He snickered and rubbed his fingers through her hair. "You're awake."

"Yes I am. I was waiting on you to come to bed," she answered rolling over relaxing into his chest.

He kissed her forehead and his hand traveled the length of her side settling at her hip. "Well go to sleep I know you're tired. Good night."

"El..," she said tentatively and immediately felt him tense up.

"Yeah."

She wrestled with what to say and how to start the conversation. When the words didn't come to her, she relented. "Good night."

They laid against one another for a few more minutes, neither one of them falling asleep. Elliot struggled with where to start but knew she was waiting for something.

"I needed resolution," she heard him say so softly that she wasn't sure she heard him at all. "I wanted to make sure everything was ok before the baby was born. That's why I went to see her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Olivia shuffled back in the bed off his chest, settling on her side with a pillow underneath her head. He mimicked her body language so they were facing one another.

"Talk to me," she urged in a low whisper.

He studied her face for a moment and rested his hand on her arm. "I don't know how to explain it really," he began taking a deep steadying breath. "The closer we got to the baby being born I felt like there were some things that I needed to put to rest. I wanted there to be a clean slate when she got here. Does that make sense?"

She understood all too well. It was part of the reason she came clean to him about Lewis and Harris. She wanted to put it all behind her before they started the next phase of their lives together.

"It makes perfect sense El."

He scooted closer to her and she wrapped her arm around his waist. "I always felt like I made peace with the fact that Kathleen was gone but I realized I hadn't. I was still having all this guilt about being a bad parent and how I failed her. I just couldn't have Charlotte here with….," he stopped for a second choking up and she kissed his forehead. "I didn't want that on my heart or in my head when she got here. So I went there when I finished the mission. Just for an hour. I left the phone in the car. I always make sure to have no distractions or anything when I'm out there. I figured what are the odds that you would go into labor for the one hour that I would be out of pocket?" he chuckled.

She giggled softly in response. "Well you know I'm all about defeating the odds."

"Yes you are," he said seriously. "I'm sorry I didn't come straight home. I should have."

"Shhhh," she said putting two fingers over his lips. "It's fine. You made it in time for her birth. That's all that matters."

He kissed her fingers and leaned in to place a soft kiss on her lips. He breathed in her scent and lay his forehead against hers. "Thank you for understanding."

"If anyone understands the need for closure it's me," she clarified. "I'm sorry that I didn't understand that just because I made peace with my issues that it wouldn't mean peace for yours."

"Well Stabler, that's the funny thing about closure. It tends to have to work both ways," he joked.

"Touche."

"When you told me about what happened to you I felt that was my unfinished business. Harris and my guilty feelings about Kathleen. I felt like if I could just confront both of those head on then everything would be ok when the baby was born. It would be a fresh start for all of us. I think we all deserve that," he said leaning back against his pillow so he could look her in the eyes again.

"Yes we do," she responded. "We definitely do."

They listened to the low hum of the baby monitor and settled into the semi darkness. The silence between them was comfortable, each thinking about their own journey with resolution and new beginnings.

"So did it help?" she asked.

He thought hard about her question. The last visit to Kathleen's grave was different than the previous ones. He saw the sunflowers there, remnants of Kathy's visit a few days a before. He talked to her like he normally did and he reflected over the state of his relationship with all his children. He hadn't been the perfect father but he did the best he could and they were all thriving. Even when he failed sometimes in parenting, he was fortunate enough to surround himself with people that cared about him and his children and they helped when he faltered. One of those people was Olivia. He had thought about the circumstances surrounding Kathleen's death from all angles and even though there were specific instances he could've handled differently, the overall outcome would've been the same. The truth was if the past year had taught him anything is that all things happen for a reason. He may never know the exact reason for Kathleen's death, but he learned not to question it.

"Yeah it did."

She smiled and ran her hand across his chest. "I'm glad."

He returned her smile and kissed her again on the lips. "Me too."

"El you don't have to keep things like that from me. I want you to feel comfortable sharing that with me."

He took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. "I know. I just—I just didn't want to burden you with it."

"Hey what happens to you, happens to me right? We are in this together. I promise I will help you any way I can."

"I know you will baby. I don't doubt that for a minute," he said turning over on his back. "I guess I have to start practicing what I preach hunh?"

"Imagine that," she retorted sarcastically and she could see the tension in him begin to fade replaced by relief.

"Jeez, why did I get married again?"

She playfully slapped his chest. "Oh really?"

"Just joking Stabler."

She snuggled into his side and placed small kisses on his chest. These were the times with him that she cherished the most. Those rare times when he was vulnerable and exposed in the most beautiful way. Peeling back the layers of Elliot Stabler had been a job that she resented sometimes during their partnership but because of her feelings for him it was a necessary chore that didn't always pay off back then. Now with him in her arms she felt like it was all worth it. They both had their share of issues stemming from their childhood that allowed them to close off in both the same and different ways. However, when they decided to share those struggles with one another is when they were their strongest. This was why they were each other's home.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah."

She looked up at him catching the slightest glow of his blue eyes. "No matter what happens. I know that everything will be ok and I'm really glad that I married you."

He released a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. This was why he loved her more than life itself. She always knew exactly what to say to calm his fears. "Thank you for marrying me."

Before she could respond to his words his lips were on hers. He wasn't frantic or desperate but slow and cherishing the feel of her full lips against his. He nipped at her top lip and their tongues danced. His hand was in her hair and he slowly rolled her onto her back, his growing erection was against her hip.

Olivia moaned softly feeling his body on top of her and his mouth hard against hers. Her body started to react, her nipples hardened against the thin satin of her nightgown rubbing against the small patch of stray hairs on his chest. He separated his mouth from hers for a second allowing her an opportunity to breathe and he sat back slowly pulling the covers away from her. He took off his T-shirt and pajama pants and she watched him with low hooded eyes. Her brown orbs were fixated on every inch of his skin as it became exposed when his clothing hit the floor. She reached up to pull off her nightgown and he stopped her.

"Let me," he rasped and once again settled himself on top of her. His hands bunched around the edges of her nightgown and he pulled it over her head. She gasped at the cool air hitting her skin but was immediately warmed by the feel of his rock hard body. They locked eyes briefly before his lips descended to her neck and shoulders depositing hot open mouth kisses along the way. She began to writhe at the feeling of his mouth and big hands all over her body. His fingers curled into the waistband of her silk panties and she gasped in anticipation. He pulled them torturously slow down her long legs, kissing her breasts, down her abdomen and inside her thighs. A low moan escaped her lips and he could feel the heat radiating between her legs.

Her body's immediate reaction to him always turned him on. His erection felt like steel and he was dying to drive into her but he held back. He wanted to feel, taste and touch every part of her luscious body. Sex with his Olivia would always be an internal battle for him. His desire that pooled for so long was unleashed and he fought to maintain a semblance of control. Her body deserved to be cherished.

He kissed her mound and could taste the slickness on his lips.

"Uhhh," she cried out and quickly silenced herself not wanting to wake the children. He flicked his tongue against her and she bucked against him, grasping on to the sheets.

"El please," she whispered. "I need you inside please."

The sound of her voice was low and breathy and he thought he would come from feeling the sheer desire that emanated from her skin.

She needed him.

She wanted him.

And he was more than happy to oblige.

He kissed his way back up her body and when he felt her spread her legs even more offering herself up to him, he groaned. Without a word and staring into her dark eyes he slid in to her wet heat and her teeth suddenly plowing into the flesh of his solid muscular shoulder. She was trying not to cry out but the way Elliot filled her was mind blowing. Her back arched off the mattress giving him a better angle when he pushed into her again.

"Shit you feel so good," he whispered harshly into her ear. She clawed his back while he stretched and filled her. He looked down at her and her breasts were bouncing, her head thrown back against the pillow with her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. It was the most erotic thing he had ever seen.

His pace went from languid to frantic, his control slipping.

Her eyes jerked open and she tried to grab on to his sweat filled back to brace herself against his relentless thrusts.

Olivia wanted to scream and the more he pounded into her she was starting to lose the battle. She was trying to hold on, but the feel of Elliot's chest against her, his dick inside her, his breath on her, it was too much. In one split second, she made the mistake of opening her eyes and looking down over his shoulder. She saw her legs spread for him, his body positioned between her legs, his bare ass moving ruthlessly inside of her. She saw his hips roll, sending a surge of pleasure up her legs landing right in the pit of her belly. Elliot's hands fell onto her right inner thigh, opening her up more to him and causing his dick to graze directly against her clit and she shattered. Her eyes slammed shut and she screamed into his neck. She could see nothing but black behind her eyelids as her body shuddered and came undone for him like it always did. He slowed down his pace and she was so caught up in her orgasm that she didn't notice that he didn't come.

He wasn't finished with her.

He wasn't finished with her at all.

Elliot gave her a few moments to come down from the wave then he rose to his knees eventually landing into a seating position.

Olivia regarded him with hazy eyes as she tried to see what he was doing. She managed to sit up, her weight resting on her elbows and her gaze fell upon his raging erection.

"Come here," he ordered tenderly reaching out his left hand. Her limbs felt like jelly but with his help she straddled his wide legs hovering above him. His finger rubbed gently against her sensitive clit and partially into her folds. She threw her head back in ecstasy. She was still so wet for him.

"I've got you Liv," he coaxed her while guiding himself back inside of her warmth and they both let out long moans. "I've got you," he said again when she was now sitting squarely in his lap, his length buried deep inside her and they were face to face. They sat not moving, not talking just breathing and feeling.

"I love you," he whispered and her eyes fluttered open. She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a sweet kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I love you too."

With those words he began to move. He pulled his legs around so he was sitting Indian style and grabbed her hips pushing himself into her. He was already on the edge and by some miracle managed to hold off his orgasm when she came against him moments before. He knew he wouldn't last long but he wanted to be as close to her as possible.

The feeling was mutual.

She draped her arms around his chest until there was no space between the two of them and he continued to guide her up and down the long length of him. He could hear her soft whimpers in his ear and feel her short fingernails digging into his back as the tingling in his length became more intense.

He couldn't hold back anymore.

He raised her body up higher, slammed into her and started to feel the beginning of his orgasm.

"Fuck Liv….I gotta come," he grumbled desperately. He wanted her to come again but he couldn't hang on.

"Come baby," she breathed.

"Ahhhhh," he cried out, his hands digging into her hip and he spilled deep into her. His orgasm triggered hers and she held on tight as they rode the crest together, resting her head against his. She absorbed everything he gave her and her insides involuntarily clenched against him causing him to spasm. Their breaths and scent filled the room, the same hum of the baby monitor echoing and she quietly hoped she wouldn't hear a cry coming from one of the children.

When she heard nothing she relaxed into him and kissed his cheek, seeking warmth in his neck.

"Shit, I'm sorry Liv. Are you cold?" he asked looking around for the blanket at the end of the bed to put around her.

She chuckled softly, the sound vibrating against his chest. "I'm anything but cold," she responded kissing his lips.

"That was..wow that was.."

She was at a loss for words.

"Hmm, not able to form a sentence. I say that's a good sign," he teased wiggling his eyebrows. She clenched against him in response and he jumped.

"Oh," he called out trying to hold her in place. "You aren't playing fair Mrs. Stabler."

"I never play fair when it comes to you. You should know that by now," she said trying to stifle a yawn but was unsuccessful.

He kissed her shoulder. "Let's get you under the covers and lay down."

"Wait," she said stilling him. "Let's just stay like this for a few more minutes. Please."

He saw the pleading in her eyes and knew why she wanted to stay. For those fleeting moments that they were together like this, him buried deep inside her, nothing else mattered. Not the possibility that he could be arrested and separated from his family, Harris, Lewis, losing his child. These moments were about him and her. Nothing else mattered.

XXXX

Olivia was woken up a little after midnight by the sound of her phone vibrating against the nightstand. She had only been sleep an hour but felt like she was sleeping much longer. She tried to reach for it but was momentarily held back by Elliot's arm possessively draped across her. When she picked up the phone to see who was calling she immediately tensed. It was Barba.

"Hello," she answered all signs of sleep immediately leaving her voice.

"Hey Liv I got some news I figured you wouldn't want to wait until morning to hear," he said and Elliot turned over hearing Barba's voice on the other end.

"Ok," she replied cautiously. "What's going on?"

"They made the arrests in the death of Lowell Harris. Does the name Rick Tyler ring a bell?"

Olivia immediately recognized the name and Elliot shot up in the bed next to her. His head resting near her shoulder so he could hear the conversation. "Yeah Ashley Tyler's uncle. Harris raped Ashley that's why I went undercover. He did this?" she asked in disbelief.

"Not him. Two friends of his and apparently friends of Risa Tyler, Rick's sister."

She blew out a breath rubbing her hands across her face. "This was revenge."

"Looks like it," Barba confirmed. "These guys were already doing life. They had nothing to lose. There's record of a few calls and visits going back and forth between Rick and the two guys but with them being friends there's nothing substantial there. Don't know if they will be able to tie Rick to it."

Olivia didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tear hit her bare chest and slide on to the sheet.

"Elliot won't be charged. It's over Liv," he insisted and she nodded her head forgetting that he couldn't see her.

"Thank you," she said simply. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

She hung up the phone.

Elliot relaxed against her shoulder and placed a soft kiss there.

"It's over," she declared the relief evident in her voice.

"I know. I heard."

She wrapped her arms around him tightly like she did moments earlier when they made love. He felt her tears hit his back and kissed her face tasting the salt on his lips. His hands caressed her long hair and he tried to soothe her even though he knew her tears were not of sadness but of gratitude.

"It's ok baby. I told you. I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that easy," he smirked and she couldn't help but grin back at him.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Stay away from the prisons from now on," she joked and he laughed softly.

"You got it."

He kissed her lips delicately and she drew him in to deepen the kiss when she soon heard Charlotte's soft cries through the monitor. She sighed, looking up at the ceiling and he laughed at her.

"Hmm, timing is everything," he whispered into her ear.

"Yes it is," she replied moving away from him to get up. "She's hungry. Ill go feed her."

She threw on a robe and walked out of the room.

Elliot gathered his pajama pants from the floor sliding them back on and got back into the bed. He sent a text to Eric to let him know that everything was ok and he wouldn't be arrested. He took a deep breath and laid against the pillows, the exhaustion seeping back into him. He came close to almost losing it all and thanked God for once again looking out for him. He didn't know what he had done to deserve such grace but he was definitely thankful.

Shortly after he closed his eyes he heard Olivia making her way into the room with the baby in her arms.

"Well it seems that your daughter was not really that hungry and just wants to be awake," she announced making her way back to the bed.

"Is that so? And now she's just _my_ daughter?" he asked turning over and facing them.

"Yep. Whenever she is not cooperating she is your daughter," she teased.

Elliot took Charlotte from her arms and settled her against his knees like he did the night she was born and sure enough those sparkling blue eyes were alert and staring back at him wide eyed.

"Well well little Miss Stabler. Looks like you want to be entertained," he said putting his index finger in both of her little hands and she squeezed them tight. "What story should daddy tell you tonight?"

Charlotte kicked her feet in delight and continued to hold onto his hands. "Well I do have a sequel to Beauty and the Detective."

"Oh God please no," Olivia groaned and rolled her eyes. "I can't even with that story."

"Shhh, the story isn't for you anyway. It's for this little beauty," he playfully scolded her. "Now where were we before Mommy so rudely interrupted. Oh yeah..so Princess Olivia continued to give the Detective a hard time," he began and she laid her head against his shoulder watching him tell his ridiculous fairy tale to their daughter. As he went on, Olivia watched in wonder as the little girl hung on Elliot's every word as if she understood everything he was saying. The baby's eyes eventually got heavier and he picked her up and placed her on his shoulder. His voice lulled Charlotte into a deep sleep and he rubbed her back as he ended his story.

"They came close to losing each other and although they both knew it would never be perfect, it was just what they both needed and they lived happily ever after," he finished.

Olivia kissed them both and sighed contently. "Yes they did."

XXXXX

Ok guys…this one is wrapping up in a chapter or two. For real this time LOL. And for all of you that thought Elliot was gone doing something bad when he didn't answer the phone..shame on you J


	73. This is what Normal is like

Chapter 73: This is what Normal is Like

The next couple of weeks in the Stabler household ran like clockwork. Olivia noticed a significant change in Elliot after all was squared away with the Harris investigation and he had come clean to her about everything. He went to work the weekend before in DC and she managed to care for both of the kids with little help.

When he returned he surprised her one morning by taking her with him to Kathleen's gravesite. She wanted to be strong for him but soon found herself in tears when confronted with her stepdaughter's headstone. It had become so real and although she had comforted him numerous times regarding his daughter's death, she was pleased to see that he was now strong enough to console her with her own grief towards the child she was closest to back when they were partners. He brought sunflowers and set them next to the grave and told her stories about his previous visits there. The cemetery had gone from a place of solace and sadness for him to a place of peace. He had reconciled the fact that his daughter was gone. Instead of spending his time out there wallowing in guilt over how he believed he failed her as a father, she held him close and kissed his cheek while he told her that he spent his time now talking to her about everything that was going on with him and the rest of the family.

Elliot hadn't been there since Charlotte was born so she held his hand and watched him in awe as he talked to Kathleen describing their daughter. She laughed quietly when he joked that he was concerned that he would be to old to hold a shotgun straight when it was time for Charlotte to date. Before they left he said a silent prayer and as they walked back to the car she asked him to come with her to visit her mom's grave. It wasn't a part of her life that she normally shared with anyone. Olivia kept the feelings about her mom's death to herself but she had opened up in ways she never thought possible since Elliot waltzed back in her life. His willingness to be so vulnerable by bringing her to Kathleen's grave inspired her to do the same. There were very few instances that she was comfortable being vulnerable but for her husband she was willing to strip herself bare in every way.

She was only two weeks away from the end of her maternity leave and having to report back to work. She was having mixed feelings because although she missed the hustle and bustle of SVU, she enjoyed being able to witness every one of her kids milestones. Charlotte had her first smile, Noah was almost fully potty trained and she was in love with both of their little personalities. Noah was a little jealous of his baby sister at first but was beginning to learn to share his mom. Charlotte on the other hand was quite the quiet observer. She loved to people watch and was a very alert baby.

Olivia was going to miss not being with them all day everyday. She never thought she would be content being a stay at home mom but early in the morning and in the evenings when she was waking them up or putting them to bed, she couldn't help but start to wonder if she should retire. She quickly pushed the thoughts out of her mind each time, believing that her work with the victims wasn't done. When she expressed her concerns to Elliot he told her simply that she would know when the time was right and when it was time to go. In the meantime, she had more than enough of a support system with him at home now more often than not to take care of the kids. He had missed so much when his other children were younger that he was looking forward to getting a second chance and being there for Noah and Charlotte.

Olivia was preparing breakfast and getting Noah ready for his doctor's appointment when Elliot came down the stairs with Charlotte in tow.

"What time is the appointment?" he asked giving her a quick kiss.

She kissed both him and Charlotte before he made his way over to Noah in the high chair. "It's at 10 so I have plenty of time before I have to leave."

"Why don't we go with you?"

"Who?" she asked confused.

"Me and Charlotte."

Olivia looked a little perplexed for a second. "Why?"

"Why not?"

He was amused at her reaction. For the most part they had been using the divide and conquer method with the kids and then they switch out.

"You really want to bring her to his doctor's appointment?"

She placed the plate of food in front of him and a smaller bowl of oatmeal in front of Noah.

"Well I had a few errands to run anyway and I'm sure they wouldn't mind going to the park so why don't we all go together? We've never all been out together since Charlotte was born and she's almost three months old."

Olivia considered what he said and quickly agreed. It took a few trips up and down the stairs before she was comfortable that they had everything they needed to go out. Between diaper bags, the double stroller, bottles, pampers and sippy cups, Olivia felt like the entire car was packed down with their gear. During the drive, she kept turning around to check on them especially since Charlotte's car seat was turned backwards and she couldn't see her as well. Both kids were quiet and content on the ride over and she stole a glance every few seconds at Elliot who was driving. The worry lines from his face were less pronounced, he had a hint of a smile on his face and his eyes were glowing. His calm mood was contagious and she finally turned to face forward in her seat instead of worrying over the kids and closed her eyes. She rolled her window down slightly and just enjoyed the feeling of riding along on a random Tuesday afternoon with the people who mattered most to her in the world. There was no radio on, no distractions, no cell phones ringing.

Just her and her little family.

"What's on your mind Stabler?" he asked peeking away from the road for an instant to look at her.

She smiled back at him and let out a content sigh. "For once, nothing. Absolutely nothing."

His answering grin told her he knew exactly how she felt.

XXXXX

Noah's doctor appointment went well. The doctor and nurses fawned over him and the baby and in the waiting room she caught several people watching the four of them and when she would make eye contact they would smile at her.

Noah had a prescription to fill so they stopped at one of the small grocery stores to pick up something to eat for lunch since Elliot had the idea for them to take the kids to the park and have a small picnic. While he grabbed the food, she stood in line waiting for Noah's medicine with Charlotte strapped to her chest in a baby bjorn. She was straightening the baby's pacifier when she heard someone call her name.

"Olivia?"

She turned around and it took her a moment to recognize the figure staring back at her. He had aged, his hair was gray and he was a bit thinner but it was definitely Kurt Moss.

"Olivia wow," he began, his eyes immediately honing in on the baby. "You look great."

"Hey Kurt hi," she replied clearly taken off guard. "How are you?"

"I'm doing great," he answered awkwardly.

"Good, that's good to hear."

"And how are you?" he asked in return clearly referring to the bundle she was holding.

Olivia looked down at the baby and nodded. "I've been a bit busy as you can see. This is my daughter Charlotte."

"Wow she's absolutely gorgeous. I guess I shouldn't expect any thing less."

"Thank you. She is 10 weeks old."

He shifted self consciously looking as if he wanted to ask more and he couldn't see her wedding ring because her left hand was under the baby and her right side was facing him.

"Here you go Mrs. Stabler. Noah's prescription is all ready to go. That will be $25," the pharmacist said to her. When she pulled out her credit card with her left hand to pay for the medicine she could see Kurt's gaze travel to her ring for a second and then back to the baby. He stood to the side patiently as she finished her transaction.

"Well I guess there is another congratulations in order as well. You're married," he stated.

"I am."

"Stabler, that was Elliot's last name right?" he asked already knowing the answer. Journalists never forgot a name apparently.

"Yes it was, I mean it is."

"So you married Elliot," he said and she gave him a guilty smile. "Well I guess I know the reason why you never mentioned me to him."

Olivia opened her mouth to defend herself but quickly stopped. There was no need to say "no it wasn't like that" or "it's not what you think" because the truth it's exactly what he thought. Elliot always directly or indirectly played a part in her love life even after he left. She always compared every man she dated to him and always felt that no one quite measured up. Instead she just shrugged her shoulders and laughed off the comment.

"Good for you Olivia. I'm happy to see that you are settled down with a family. I wish you all the best," he said giving her a weird side hug.

"Well what about you? What are you up to these days?" she asked for the sake of being polite.

"Eh, you know how it is. The job, the job, a little sleep here and there and the job."

"You still with the paper?"

"I retired from there last year. I'm working on some other independent projects," he divulged and her eyes gazed down at his hand. He wasn't married and now that she was really looking at him, he seemed very tired and worn down. She remembered that was the one thing they had in common when they first met. They were both workaholics but while life had taken her in one direction it had clearly taken him in another.

"Hey baby did you get the—" Elliot stopped mid sentence when he approached her and saw Kurt.

"Hey you remember Kurt Moss right?" she asked gesturing in Kurt's direction.

"Yeah I do. Nice to see you," Elliot stated more politely than she imagined he would.

"And this is our son Noah," she introduced and Kurt looked surprised again for a minute then shook his little hand.

"Well I should get going," Kurt announced. "It was good to see you both. Take care," and with that he was off.

As he walked away slowly she examined him closely. His hands were shoved in his pockets, a grocery basket with enough food for one person and checking his emails incessantly on his phone. She saw in him the reflection of what she would've been without her husband and her children. She was thankful she found the balance.

XXX

At the park, Olivia and Charlotte sat on a blanket near a tree while Elliot and Noah kicked around a plastic ball he bought from the store. She held Charlotte up on her lap so they could watch them run around and she snickered whenever Noah would clap in excitement at kicking the ball past his dad. Elliot chased him around and held him high in the air and her heart melted as the sounds of her son's giggles filled the air. She basked in the fresh air and made funny faces at Charlotte who smiled back at her.

"Play ball mama," Noah squealed running up to her a little out of breath.

"I've got your sister sweetie," she explained.

"I'll take her. Go ahead and play mama," he said mocking Noah.

"Are you sure you just don't need a rest old man? You guys were running around quite a bit out there."

"That's exactly what it is but don't tell anyone," he said winking at her and taking Charlotte from her arms.

"Ok Noah come on," she announced running after him.

She kicked the ball back and forth with him and chased him around for a little bit. He kicked the ball a little too far and it landed near another mom's blanket. She ran over to retrieve it with Noah close behind.

"I'm so sorry about that. We didn't knock anything over did we?" she apologized looking for any signs of a mess.

"Oh no, you are just fine. No problem at all," the petite blonde lady responded. She smiled and gave the ball back to Noah. "Here you go little guy."

"Noah what do you say?"

"Thay you," the little boy answered taking the ball and running back towards the blanket where his dad was.

"You have such a beautiful family," she remarked looking over to Elliot who was feeding Charlotte.

"Thank you," she said. "I certainly do."

After eating lunch together, they packed up and headed over to the swings, which were still Noah's favorite. She stood by and Elliot pushed him to his delight. On their way back to the car Noah insisted on walking instead of being held. He walked in between Olivia and Elliot holding each of their hands while Elliot carried Charlotte. They walked slowly to make sure not to rush Noah and he swung their arms while they walked. She let out a relaxed sigh and caught Elliot smiling at her.

"What?" she asked slightly blushing.

"Nothing," he said grinning at her.

"Spill it Stabler."

"I had fun today," he said modestly.

"Me too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she responded and glanced down at Noah. "And so did this little one it seems."

"Yeahhhh," Noah squealed.

"So _this_ is what normal is like," she quipped.

"Yes it is. I guess we haven't had nearly enough of it in our lives," he responded honestly as they walked up to the car.

She took his hands into hers and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "Well it's about time we change that."

XXXX

They ran a few more errands including stopping at the toy store. Elliot claimed Noah deserved a gift for doing so well with potty training but she suspected that it was just an opportunity for him to spoil the little boy. They played with a few of the toys in the store to Noah's delight and had him pick out something for Eli before heading home for the day. Olivia ordered pizza for dinner and Elliot gave him a bath while she sat in the bathroom holding the baby who was starting to doze off.

"Hey buddy do you want to pick the movie for tonight?" Elliot asked him while washing his hair.

"Yep," Noah answered while trying to stifle a yawn.

Olivia rolled her eyes and put Charlotte on her shoulder. "You know this means we will be watching Inside Out for the 500th time right?"

"Yes!" Noah squealed hearing the name of the name and Elliot and Olivia laughed.

"If it makes you feel better he's pretty s-l-e-e-p-y," he spelled out so the tot wouldn't catch on. "He will barely be up long enough to finish dinner."

Noah started splashing water and she laughed. "It's fine. I'll watch it a thousand times if he wants."

After Noah's bath, they ate pizza and settled in to watch the movie. Noah sat in between them on the sofa and Charlotte rested in her daddy's arm after waking up briefly to nurse. As Elliot predicted, Noah lasted about ten minutes into the movie before he was knocked out. His sister was not that far behind him.

"See I told you they wouldn't last long," he murmured in a low voice so they wouldn't wake them.

She smiled down at her son and stroked his hair gently. She laid her head on the back of the couch thinking over the day.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked breaking her trance.

She sighed and smiled up at him. "I had so much fun today. Thank you for suggesting that we take them out. It was easier than I expected."

"You expected disaster?" he grinned at her and she smiled back.

"Look I've seen those parents in the grocery stores and malls with young kids throwing tantrums and crying. I didn't want us to have to abandon our shopping cart in the store," she teased.

Elliot squeezed Noah's little foot that was resting on his lap. "These two guys, c'mon. You have no faith. They are pretty chill kids."

"I have no idea where they get that from," she scoffed.

"From me obviously. I'm pretty chill," he said winking at her.

"You don't even believe that yourself," she rolled her eyes at him.

He watched her for a little longer before he brought up the inevitable. "So that was pretty interesting running into Kurt."

"And there it is," she snickered shaking her head. "I knew it was coming."

"What?" he tried to ask innocently. "It's just a question."

"Coming from Mr. Chill," she countered sarcastically. "Seeing him made me think about some things."

He furrowed his brow a little concerned for a split second.

"No no no, not that," she replied. "It was never like that with me and Kurt and you know that. It's just that we were both always the job and seeing that after all this time he's still in the same place was just kind of sobering. He seemed…lonely and sad. I know what that was like."

Elliot stayed silent giving her the chance to say what was really on her mind.

"El today was the most normal I have felt in probably my entire life," she declared putting her hair behind her ear and looking him straight in the eye. "I don't know how I feel about disrupting that again. The phone calls, the late nights, the-"

He realized then what her concern really was. "You're thinking again about not going back to work aren't you?"

She nodded her head.

"Liv you know whatever you decide I will support you. I have to say when you mentioned it the first time I thought it was a fleeting thought. I didn't think you were serious. If it's finances you are worried about we are fine so if it's what you want to do then do it. Life's too short," he said his hand reaching out to touch her cheek.

"But you think I shouldn't," she said.

"If I had to guess I don't think you are fully done with SVU but no one knows better than you. I knew when I was ready to leave even under the circumstances. I knew I was done."

Olivia thought about his words and whether she was there yet. She finally had her own team and they had made some big collars over the past few years. Most importantly, she felt like since she was in the office more now she had more time lately to devote to the victims.

"It's like I told you before. You will know when you are done. There will be no question or second thoughts," he assured her. "And when you are we will be right here. We aren't going anywhere Liv. You have us to come home to no matter what."

She smiled satisfied with his answer and leaned over carefully to place a chaste kiss on his lips. "You are stuck with us Lieutenant," he added with his mouth moving against her lips and kissing her again.

"That's the best news I've heard all day. I love you."

"I love you too."

He rubbed her back and she leaned into his touch. Being in Elliot's arms was one thing, but being in his arms surrounded by their children made her heart overflow.

"I'll make you a deal," he offered as she brought her eyes back up to his. "You do whatever you want to do and if you go back to work I will make sure that days like today happen all the time. I promise we won't lose our normalcy even in the midst of the chaos. Deal?"

"Deal."

He kissed her forehead and grabbed the remote to turn off the movie.

"No," she said stopping his hand. "Let's finish watching it."


	74. All She Ever Wanted

The clock on Olivia's nightstand flashed 5:17am. In less than an hour her alarm would go off and she would have to get ready for work. She had been tossing and turning most of the night, unable to fully go back to sleep after getting up at 3am to feed Charlotte. Elliot offered but she insisted since she knew she would be going the whole day without seeing her baby girl. Elliot was still sound asleep next to her as her mind drifted over the past week. She's been trying to get in as much time with the kids as possible since she's convinced that once she steps one foot back into the madness of SVU, there's going to be no stopping it.

Nick had been sending her over the current case files by email so she's all caught up with where they are and should be able to hit the ground running. Declan has already gone back undercover as of two days ago and Sgt. Dodds will work with them a few more weeks before transferring to Homicide. Of course since he was the boss's son they were going to pull a few strings to have both him and Fin stay on as Sergeants in the Unit but Dodds decided that working in the unit wasn't exactly what he wanted. Although Olivia has never met him, she's pleased that he won't be there much longer. Having the boss's son that close was just too close for comfort and her and Chief Dodds already had a rocky relationship.

Yesterday all the kids came over for Sunday dinner, something that Elliot has now implemented to make sure they all stay in touch and the older kids don't get too busy with their lives to visit. As a show of solidarity, for the first dinner Kathy came over and brought her new boyfriend and Olivia was pleased to see that a lot of the awkwardness that existed between her and her husband's ex-wife had almost disappeared. Later in the evening, Dickie and Elliot went to run an "errand" when they were out of ice cream. After everyone left, Elliot let her in on the news that Dickie was ready to propose to Lucy and wanted to go shopping for rings soon. She smiled to herself thinking about how the young lady would now permanently be a part of her family and fate worked out just as well for Lucy as it did for her. The memories of last night calm some of her anxiety about returning to work.

She startles from her thoughts when she hears her phone alarm go off. "What?" She notices that the time is just 5:30am.

"Looks like my plan worked," Elliot says in a sleepy voice rolling over and holding her around her waist.

"What plan is that?"

"I set your alarm clock a little early so I could surprise you," he answers kissing the side of her face and her neck.

"Ok, what's the surprise?"

He nudges his erection against the curve of her ass and she starts to giggle. "That isn't a surprise at all. Seriously El you are such a horndog."

"If I were a sensitive man my feelings would be hurt."

She wiggled against his erection and heard him groan in her ear. "Good thing you aren't sensitive then."

She rolled over onto her back and captured his lips with hers. She felt his whole body come to attention and returned her kiss fervently rubbing his hand over her breasts. Her nipples immediately peaked and she moaned. "Shit El," she breathed and the sound of her desire spurred him on. Within a matter of moments he slid off her panties and nightgown, pulled down his boxers and sank into her.

"It feels so good," she moaned into his ear. They had begun to master the art of keeping their lovemaking quieter for the sake of the children but it was always a challenge. She bit into her lip when she started to feel him against her cervix, filling every inch of her.

Elliot groaned as he rolled his hips and gently took one of her nipples in mouth. Olivia started writhing beneath him and he could tell she was getting close. Just when he felt she was about to come apart she pushed his shoulders and reversed their positions. His face registered the surprise.

She started to roll her hips on top of him. "Today I'm back in Lieutenant Benson mode," she began with a mischievous grin on her face. "I'm going to be in charge," she whispered in his ear and before he could respond she sat up, placing his hands on her breasts as she started a feverish rhythm. He fondled her breasts and threw his head back while she continued to slide up and down his length.

"Shit Liv," he grunted. He was trying to hold on to let her orgasm first.

His reaction to her gave her an extra boost of confidence and she leaned over in his hear and whispered in a low, sexy voice. "Come."

The words had barely left her lips before he was coming apart and his wild thrusts triggered her orgasm. She covered her mouth with his, her deep kiss drowning out their collective moans. She peppered his face with small kisses while they both came down from their high. When he looked at her, it was like he was seeing her for the first time.

Olivia blushed. "What?"

"You know that was supposed to be my job. I was supposed to be seducing you," he declared kissing her again and rubbing his hands up and down her bare back as she continued to straddle him.

"Plans change. I told you I'm back in boss mode today," she teased and rolled off him. "Now it's almost time for me to get up and get ready."

Her demeanor began to change and he rolled over on his side to watch her. "You're going to do great today baby. You will pick up right where you left off. It's just like riding a bike," he assured her.

"I wish it was more like riding you," she tried her best to joke earning a genuine smile from him.

"Well if it was Lieutenant we may have a bit of a problem," he replied. He kissed her again and put his arm around her so she was resting against his chest.

"I'm just going to miss them. I don't remember it being this hard when I returned from maternity leave with Noah."

"How long did you take off?"

"A couple of weeks."

He snickered underneath her. "Of course you did. You've been away from work for four months. That's a lot different than a couple of weeks. What you are feeling is completely normal. I promise."

"Ok."

She laid in his arms a few more moments before hearing the blaring of her real alarm on her phone. "Perfect timing." She reached over to cut it off and he placed another kiss on her forehead.

"Come on. I'll make you breakfast and you go grab a shower and get ready. Unless….." he began raising one of his eyebrows.

"Absolutely not," she laughed and threw his sweatpants at him. "I need to get myself together and you will do nothing but distract me. Don't bother promising me any different because I know better."

"Fine," he said holding his hands up in surrender.

Forty-five minutes later she was showered, changed and eating the breakfast he cooked for her. Noah was in her lap and Elliot was giving Charlotte her bottle. She had already begun to get emails since the word was out that she was returning today. Every time she heard her phone vibrate she rolled her eyes.

"Ok let me hold her for a bit before I go," she insisted reaching for the baby. She finished giving her the rest of her bottle and rocked her on her shoulder gently. "Mommy is going to be home later ok. I promise I'll be here in time to put you to bed ok?"

She placed Charlotte in her bassinet and turned her attention to Noah picking him up and placing him on her hip. "Ok mommy's about to go. Are you going to be good for daddy?"

He shook his head yes. "Go bye bye?" he asked.

"Yeah honey I have to go to work but I will home later ok?" she assured him and kissed the crown of his head.

"Ok," he said softly and she handed him to Elliot and began to gather her jacket and belongings.

"Ill call you in a little bit and check in," Elliot said giving her a kiss. "Kiss ass today baby."

"Ooooh," Noah chided him and put his hands over his ears. "Bad word."

The gesture almost made Olivia tear up. When she first went on leave Noah was saying a word here and there and now he was talking more and more and his little personality was shining through.

"Shame on daddy," she added to Noah's delight. She kissed them both and gave Charlotte a quick kiss before heading out the door and back to the place that had been her whole life for as long as she can remember.

* * *

Olivia walked into the precinct and was surprised to find that her office was just as she left it. Declan was never really high maintenance and always boots to the ground so he probably didn't spend much time in there. No one was there when she arrived since she managed to get in about ten minutes early so she took off her jacket, fired up her laptop and began to go through her emails.

"Good Morning L-T," a smiling Carisi greeted her with a stack of mail in his hand. "Here is some mail that came in for you while you were out."

"Oh thanks. So how does it feel to be ba—"

"Hey Liv, glad to have you back," Fin interrupted with Amanda in tow.

"Place wasn't the same without you," Amanda added handing her a few case files that she put on her desk.

"Thanks guys. Just getting settled in with…everything," she said motioning towards her desk that was now a lot more cluttered than it was five minutes before.

"Liv, you're back!" Nick exclaimed pulling her into a hug. "This is Sgt. Mike Dodds," he pointed to Mike who was standing awkwardly at the door.

She shook his hand and they all made small talk for a few minutes. She showed them pictures of the kids and then they got down to business. There were two active investigations and she was going to sit in on an interrogation with Amanda that morning. She barely even noticed it was time for lunch because everything was back in full swing.

"Good job Amanda. I think he's really close to caving," she guaranteed the young detective on her way back to her office. "Escort him to holding and let me know when his lawyer arrives."

"You got it," she obliged heading for the door. "Oh and Liv?"

"Yeah."

"It really is good to have you back."

"It's good to be back."

And it was.

By early afternoon, she decided to grab a sandwich from downstairs while everyone was out in the field and it was a little quiet. She closed the door and before she could pick up the phone to call Elliot she saw the text message come through. It was a picture of Elliot with both kids in his lap asleep. He called a few minutes later.

"How is your day so far?" he whispered into the phone and she could hear a door shutting behind him.

"Pretty good actually. I can't deny I'm jealous that you are getting to spend the day with them and I'm not but it's good to be back," she replied reaching for some of the mail on her desk and opening it while they talked.

"See I told you it would all be ok," he reassured her.

"You were right for once."

"For once?"

"Ok maybe twice," she teased. "What have you all been up to today?"

"We watched Inside Out again," he chuckled. "We took a little walk to get some fresh air and I'm pretty sure Noah built you a little castle with his legos that he's going to want to show you when you get home."

She closed her eyes and laid her head back into her chair listening to him talk about their day. "Is it crazy that I miss you and it's only been a few hours?"

"Well you have gone soft Stabler," he joked and she started to laugh. "I'm just joking. If you're crazy then so am I because I miss you too. So you're in good company."

"What do you have planned for the rest of the day?" she asked and a little pang of sadness hit her in the gut.

"When they wake up we are going to go with Dickie to go look for Lucy's ring."

"I thought she was coming there this afternoon to help you with the kids."

"No, she had graduation stuff to take care of plus we are doing just fine," he affirmed. "But ask me again after I drag two small kids in a jewelry store."

There were two small knocks on the door and then Nick peeked his head in. "Sorry to bother you Liv but we have a teenage rape victim at Mercy. Amanda is gone with the other case and the parents are requesting a female officer."

She put her hand over the phone shielding Elliot from the sound. "I'll be right there. El—"

"I know. Duty calls. I love you."

"I love you too."

She gathered her belongings to get ready to leave when she saw he sent another text message. She read it in the elevator and the tension she felt immediately from the case started to disappear.

Don't worry Lieutenant. I look forward to you making it up to me later and hopefully you are still in boss mode.

She smiled at the text and quickly responded.

Count on it.

As she put her phone back in her pocket she heard Nick chuckling to himself and shaking his head.

"What?" she asked failing to sound annoyed and hide her smile.

"Most people with a toddler and newborn at home are normally sleep deprived and cranky but the two of you are texting each other sweet nothings."

The elevator dinged and they headed to the parking garage. "Well in case you haven't noticed Elliot and I have never been most people."

XXXX

Olivia arrived back to the precinct later in the afternoon after interviewing 16 year old Alexandra Reyes who was gang raped at a fraternity party. It was the same old situation of slut shaming and victim blaming. Alexandra thought she deserved it because she was dressed provocatively and was reluctant to press charges. Ultimately she agreed after Olivia convinced her that it didn't matter how she was dressed. No means no. After she was examined and her statement was taken, Olivia went with her to meet with a rape counselor at the hospital while the rest of the team worked to bring in the suspects for questioning.

It was already a little after 5pm and because the suspects weren't in yet she knew she wouldn't be getting home at a decent hour and she was a little frustrated. She called Elliot again to check on the kids and let him know she would be in late. He tried to hide his disappointment but she could tell it bothered him. She really wanted to at least make it home by 8pm to put the kids to bed but it was looking like she wouldn't make it. While she waited on Nick and Fin to return with the suspects, she shuffled through the rest of the unopened mail on her desk. She checked the return addresses and saw a lot of it was junk mail, outdated or invitations to police events. One of the letters caught her attention because it was handwritten and she noticed the return address.

It was from Maya.

Olivia opened the envelope and the first thing that fell out of the envelope was a picture. She held it up to see it was a picture of Maya holding her baby girl. She studied the photo and was delighted to see that Maya looked so happy with her daughter in her arms. It was the first time that she saw any light in the young girl's eyes. She turned the photo over and on the back was written 'Maya and Grace 5 months old'. Olivia smiled at the baby girl's name. There was also a note attached.

_Dear Lieutenant Benson,_

_My aunt told me that you had your baby. Congratulations on your little girl. I'm sure she is pretty._

_I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did for me and Gracie. I was going through a hard time and my talks with you really helped. Keeping my daughter was the right thing to do and I am happy to have her. I know she is here because of something bad that happened to me but she is nothing but good. I hope that I can be as strong as your mom was when she decided to keep you and I hope my little girl turns out to be just like you._

_Thank you for showing me that good can come from evil._

_With Love,_

_Maya_

Olivia didn't realize that she was crying until she saw the tear hit the photo that she held firmly between her fingers and couldn't take her eyes off of.

This was why she did this job.

This was the biggest reason she became a cop.

She started out wanting to avenge her mother's rape and then her purpose quickly turned to helping victims find their voice and making a difference. In the midst of trying to empower and teach victims she saw they taught her something as well.

"Hey Liv, the suspects are here," Fin said interrupting her and quickly noticed the tears in her eyes. "You ok?"

"Yep I'm fine. Haul them into interrogation. I'll be in there shortly."

She wiped her tears, composed herself and did one of the things she did best.

Handle business.

* * *

Olivia pulled into her driveway at 7:50pm. The questioning of the suspects was still going on but once they all started lawyering up she knew they wouldn't get too far with them anyway. Dodds and Fin took over and she quickly excused herself home and told them to call her with updates. She was tired but the second she opened the door she felt a new wave of adrenaline surge through her.

"I'm home," she announced when she walked through the front door.

She heard little footsteps and then one of her favorite sounds. "Mommy," Noah squealed running up to her with his arms open.

"Hi my love," she cooed picking him up in her arms and burying her face in his hair. "I missed you." Noah held on to her tight while she hugged him rocking side to side. "Oh that's a great hug."

Elliot came around the corner with Charlotte in one hand and her onesie in the other. He was in the process of getting her dressed for bed. "Hey I thought you were getting home later."

She placed a lingering kiss on his lips and he moaned in appreciation. When she pulled back, she saw the light in his eyes. "I was supposed to but I wanted to put them in bed. I don't want to miss that."

Elliot smiled at her and he was proud that she was finding her way and the balance she so desperately craved. "Well you made it just in time. I was just about to change the princess here after her bath so do you want to divide and conquer?"

She shook her head. "No. I want us to put them both to bed together," she said giving Charlotte a kiss on the forehead.

"Ok. You're the boss," he teased winking at her.

"And don't you forget it," she countered. "Let's go."

They all walked up the stairs and went to Charlotte's nursery. Noah picked out one of his favorite books "Close your Eyes" for them to read and she asked him questions about his day while Elliot finished changing Charlotte. Once he was done they read the book alternating pages while the kids listened intently.

Elliot read, "The little tiger rolled onto his belly and listened to the leaves quiver overhead. "If I close my eyes, I can't see the tree," he said.

"But you can," said his mother. "You can see many trees where you can play hide-and-seek until the night finds you and brings you home," Olivia finished.

Within ten minutes Noah and Charlotte were both sound asleep. Olivia laid Charlotte in her crib, kissing two of her fingers and placing on her daughter's chubby cheek. "Good night sweetheart."

She followed Elliot into Noah's room and tucked him in to the bed. She kissed him on his forehead when he began to stir. "Good night buddy. I'll see you in the morning."

Once she made it to the bedroom the exhaustion started to hit her and she fell back on the bed without getting undressed.

Elliot laughed when he saw her laid across the bed. "Rough day dear?"

She sighed and kicked off her shoes. "No not really just tired."

"A 12 hour shift the day you return to work after a few months will do that to you." He stood over her and began to help her discard her clothes.

"El what are you up to?"

"Just helping you get undressed," he answered with a mischievous grin that she was becoming quite accustomed to.

"I'm exhausted. If you want some tonight I may just have to stay on my back," she mumbled.

"Well as appealing and romantic as that sounds, it is possible for me to undress you and it not be for the purposes of sex," he replied sarcastically.

She sat up on her elbows and raised her eyebrow at him and he confessed. "Ok ok I know it doesn't happen often but it is possible."

"Yeah yeah."

Once she was down to her bra and underwear he grabbed her by the arm to help her sit up. "Come on I will help you to the shower."

"You're so good to me," she quipped as he walked her into the bathroom and turned on the shower, the steam immediately filling the room and causing the mirrors to fog.

"You think you got it from here?" He stepped back and opened the shower door for her to climb in.

"Yeah."

He turned around to walk out and she called out to him.

"El aren't you going to join me?"

The last thing he saw before she closed the shower door was her bare ass and those chocolate brown eyes sparkling at him. He stripped out of his clothes and opened the door.

"That's an invitation I can't refuse."

* * *

Later in bed, Elliot was already sleep and she was awake thinking. Her mind was always hard to turn off. She checked her phone and saw she had texts from Nick saying they got one of the boys that raped Alexandra to come clean and he would agree to testify against the others. Casey was the prosecutor on the case so she texted her that they would meet first thing in the morning to see if they could work out a plea deal for him in exchange for his testimony.

She scrolled to the alarm setting on her phone and changed the time to thirty minutes earlier than the normal time. It didn't have to be for them to have sex every morning but she wanted that time even if it was just for half an hour before the world got grimy, busy and dark to just lay in bed with her husband and talk and enjoy his company.

She watched him sleep next to her and thought about how tomorrow she would do it all over again and that was just fine with her. "I love you," she said softly caressing the side of his face as he slept.

And then her thoughts fleetingly turned to Maya's letter.

Thank you for showing me that good can come from evil.

She replayed the line in her head over and over again. She had always felt like she needed to work hard to prove her purpose after her mother told her the truth about her conception. What she learned was that her purpose was already predetermined. In searching for what she thought she needed by working in Special Victims she ended up finding all she ever wanted.

Life.

Love.

And her family.

-End-


	75. Epilogue: Semper Fi

Epilogue: Semper Fi

_Two Years Later_

Olivia stood near her assigned table and smiled adoringly at the scene before her. The room was decorated beautifully with white roses and candles as far as the eye could see. The tables were covered in white linen and centerpieces that she's proud to say she picked herself. She was honored to be included so much in the planning process, a testament of how much her relationship with her stepchildren has progressed. She cherishes her individual relationships she has with each of them.

Music fills the room and the bride and groom take the dance floor. Her breath hitches when she catches a glimpse of Elliot across the room talking with Fin and Nick and he's trying his best to hold himself together. Their eyes meet briefly and she flashes him a comforting smile that he instantly returns.

Today was hard for him although it was a happy occasion. Another one of his children has gotten married. Made the ultimate commitment to another person to have and to hold, love and cherish and to remain always faithful. A commitment she knows all too well. Although it's been two and a half years since her wedding, she made that commitment long before they stood before a judge on a beach in New Jersey and made it official.

Her eyes drift from Elliot to the bracelet she wore on her wedding day made from the Semper Fi medal that he gave to her when they were separated during a time that feels like another lifetime ago. The same bracelet that she presented as a something borrowed just a few hours ago to the bride.

If there was anyone that deserved the ultimate happily ever after it was Elizabeth Stabler and watching her dance with her husband on the dance floor, she got just that.

Despite his efforts to dislike him over the years, Elliot likes Dean and knows he will take care of his daughter. He and Dickie took Dean out the night before and while Lizzie was nervous at her future husband being double teamed and possibly calling off the wedding, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that Elliot would do nothing to compromise his children's happiness. He stood next to Dickie as his best man a year ago when he and Lucy were married but she knows that letting go of Lizzie was just a bit harder for him. He had to just say goodbye to Maureen a few months ago when Jason completed his residency and got a job in Connecticut. It was only a two and a half hour trip away and they had already gone down to visit a few times and vice versa but she knew he would always have issues with any sense of loss when it came to his children.

Olivia almost feels sorry for him but she knows they will both have to do this all over again down the line when the younger children get married. Her eyes scan the room and land on Noah and Eli with Dickie at a table looking as if they are up to no good and although she worries for Lizzie she is amused by the sight. Their little trio, who Maureen dubs "Three the Hard Way" had bonded over the past few years much to the girls dismay. They made it a point to torture the girls and as much as Dickie may have had his doubts about the way things turned out when his parents first divorced, it's his bond with his younger siblings that show what kind of man he has become. A man very much like his father. A man that will be a father himself in four months when Lucy delivers their son.

Lucy and Maureen who have become very close watch Noah, Eli and Dickie closely to see what they are up to and Olivia can't help but laugh at their concern for what they are capable of. Lucy holds Caleb while Maureen holds Violet hoping they don't cause a scene because they are both getting a little tired and cranky. She holds her daughter in one hand and her phone in the other while trying to take a picture of her little sister who today became Mrs. Reynolds.

"Hey Liv, did you get anything to eat yet?" she hears the soft familiar voice ask her.

"No I'm fine," she says her eyes never leaving the dance floor.

"It's hard to believe. I still can't believe that my daughter is married. They are all just growing up so fast."

"Yes they are," she responds nostalgically looking at Charlotte who is now in her daddy's arms. Their bond has not wavered over the years and for as much of a girly girl as her daughter is with her long chocolate locks that she makes sure stays brushed to perfection and her little purse that must always match her shoes, she is a daddy's girl through and through. She would have it no other way.

"You know you are going to have to do this yourself before you know it," Kathy reminds her putting a comforting hand on her arm. They have developed their own understanding especially since Kathy has found her own happiness with her significant other. She follows Olivia's line of sight as she watches her children who have become their own little people and her heart aches for just a moment at the thought of the day when this will be her watching them grow up and move on with their lives.

But for now she will just cherish this moment while they are young.

She will cherish every moment from now on.

An upbeat song comes on and everyone in the audience floods the dance floor. Everyone including Melinda, Amanda, Alex and Casey who are also at the wedding. Munch and Don watch from one of the tables shaking their heads emphatically when Noah and Charlotte, who has left her dad momentarily, run over to them pulling their hands to come and dance. Satisfied that they can't get either of them on the dance floor the two youngsters settle for dancing together next to the table while they cheer them along. Her and Elliot lock eyes again and he shakes his head at her in amusement at the sight of the kids dancing. Their kids are quite the characters but no one would expect any different. They don't always get along because Noah can be stubborn and Charlotte has a feisty streak but there is always solidarity between them when they have a common goal. A fact that Elliot and Olivia learned early on.

Although weddings can be overwhelming and stressful she loves the idea of all the people she loves the most in one room. These are the people who have been there for her when she needed them and as much as she wanted to believe she could live a life of solitude and independence, she needed each of them in her own way. These are the people who have protected her and the ones she loves.

They know her.

They know that she's not fine even when she says is.

They know that she wishes her mom were still here to meet her husband and children.

They know that she worries for her children a lot more than she lets on.

But what they don't know quite yet is that she has completed her retirement papers and within two months she will no longer be the Commanding Officer of the Special Victims Unit.

It was something that was slowly building over the years and as Elliot told her she would know when it was time to go.

It was time.

She made the decision the night of the 50th birthday party and discussed it with her husband. Elliot was supportive and by her side every step of the way. He sat at the table with her when she filled out the paperwork and discussed an exit plan with Chief Dodds who asked her to still consult with the Unit on special cases.

He was there when she accepted an offer to speak at local schools and campuses about sexual assault and domestic violence. He was also there when she met with parents of children that were victims of sexual assault and laid the groundwork to start a foundation to help children and their families deal with the aftermath.

A familiar melody begins playing and she smiles to herself. "Can I have this dance?"

His voice still makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up, his face still causes her heart to race and his proximity still causes butterflies in her stomach. She knows she will never get over this feeling and she doesn't want to.

"Absolutely," she agrees and takes his hand as they walk on to the dance floor.

Her hands encircle his neck and she brings him close to her, where she always wants him.

"Remember this song?" he asks kissing her cheek tenderly.

"It sounds vaguely familiar," she jokes as the sounds of 'Make you feel my love' fill the room. The song they first danced to at their wedding.

He laughs at her less than subtle attempt at humor. "Vaguely hunh?"

She meets his eyes, all traces of humor gone replaced with pure sentiment. "Of course I remember. Our first dance at our wedding. One of the best days of my life."

They dance quietly and as she feels his heart beat steadily against hers, she can't help but smile thinking about the future.

Their future.

She has all these big plans since she will have more time like traveling to Europe and Australia, something she could never really do before. Despite the bigger plans it's the simple things she looks forward to.

She can't wait to be there for Noah and Charlotte's first day of Kindergarten.

She can't wait to start another chapter in her goal of helping victims.

She can't wait to carve out a legacy with her foundation that she hopes one day her children will follow in her footsteps.

She can't wait to just sit on the porch of her house in a rocking chair holding Elliot's hands while their kids play in the yard.

She's lived one life for so long trying to find herself and now that she's living the life she always dreamed of she can't wait to embark on the rest of the journey.

"I love you," she whispers softly in his ear as their bodies continue to move in sync to the music.

"I love you too. Always."


End file.
